Monthly Archives: July 2010

A Quick Note About Waldorf Grade Two

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Hi all,

I have been thinking about those of you planning your Waldorf homeschooling Grade Two experience.  I have been speaking with several mothers locally and via email.

One thing that has come to  my mind is that whilst the theme of Waldorf Grade Two is this notion of the duality of man (as shown in the lesser traits in some of the animal fables and the higher traits shown in those other-worldly Saint stories) , sometimes it is easy for the year to feel a bit disjointed. 

One thing that I think will assist you is to think of what you would like to predominate in your Second Grade experience – folk tales?  American tall tales? Saint/hero tales? Fables?  and build the majority of your blocks around that.

Thoughts from anyone out there planning Grade Two?

Many blessings,

Carrie

The Mini-Rant: Raising An Inconvenience?

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Okay, I know I am grumpy.  I have been coming off of Congestion and Throw-Up-Food-Poisoning-Land and am Permanently Residing in Perpetual-No-Sleep-Babyland, but boy,  have I got a small rant to get off my chest today.  And this is not directed at the wonderful, thoughtful mothers who read this blog!  Thank you to all of you who are working so hard to do the best by your children; my hat is off to you all.

But here goes:

Why is it we act as if having children is such an inconvenience?  I have a friend, one of the consultants over at Christopherus (www.christopherushomeschool.org) who has a great quote from somewhere that goes along the lines of, “You are not raising an inconvenience; you are raising a human being.”

So far this week I have heard the most horrifying stories about mothers who feel essentially inconvenienced by their babies and small children.  Small baby not sleeping through the night?  Hire a small cadre of nurses to help you sleep-train that baby.  Don’t want to have your newborn baby dependent and attached on you?  Don’t breastfeed, and get a nanny for that small baby even though you stay-at-home full-time.     I have more cases, but I will stop there.  In all the cases I have heard the mothers made comments such that breastfeeding was inconvenient and that the baby’s sleep patterns needed to be adjusted because they did not want to be up during the night.

(By the way, the above situations are all composites of things I have heard from varying sources the past few months and do not represent any one situation or mother or family.) 

The point is this, though.  Mature love and parenting involves you putting your child’s welfare ahead of your own.  I have said it before, and I will say it again: children are messy, noisy, learning, immature.  They don’t sleep like an adult, they don’t reason like an adult, they take a long time to mature and develop (and 7, 8, 9, 10 year-olds are still little!  So I am talking 21 years of growth and development!).  They get sick, they laugh and cry at the wrong times, they fall down, they fight with each other and with you. 

They are also wonderful.  They will show you a spiritual world that you may have forgotten existed.  They will say the funniest things.  No one will love you like a sweet child. 

Adjusting to having an infant can be challenging; it can be difficult.  I am very sympathetic to mothers needing support and help.  The choices we make in these early years set the foundation for discipline, for the school years, and later for the teenaged years.  It should make one stop and at least consider different choices rather than just decide on something because it is easiest.  You cannot take your “before children life” and just add children and stir.   Having children should change your life, don’t you think?

As mothers and fathers, it is our privilege and our responsibility to provide our children with a childhood they hopefully won’t have to recover from.  No matter what we do, our children will go their own way as they mature and grow in early adulthood.  But, it is our job to give them the footing to start.  It is our job to guide.  And I don’t know about you, but the development of my children’s  physical, emotional, academic and character is worth me being inconvenienced any day or night of the week!

This is why I encourage you all to have a vision, to have a plan, to find joy in the small tasks of being a homemaker, to have a sense of humor to take parenting seriously but not to take your child so seriously, and to think about how you make the most mindful decisions for the WHOLE family.  Being a great parent and a mature parent does not mean there are no boundaries between you and your child or that all of your needs should be put on hold.  It is also your job to show your children what a loving marriage looks like, how women need friends and how we all have different interests and needs outside of being a mother. 

But it does mean that raising your child should be a wonderful journey with the best intentions for your child in mind.  Even if it requires a bit of sacrifice.  The best things often do.

On that note – Live BIG and love your children!

Carrie

What’cha Readin’ This Summer??

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I have been reading quite a bit this Summer (you all do remember I am Master of Small Chunks of Time), and I wondered what everyone else has been reading….

Let’s see, here is what I have been reading so far with some all-too-brief notes.  I read way more non-fiction than fiction, as you will note.

  • First of all, the Bible – Psalms and Proverbs and the book of James (a good place to start!),  parts of Mark, chapters of Isaiah.  I just wait to see where God leads me in my Quiet Time and go there!
  • Bible Study – Beth Moore’s “Stepping Up: The Psalms of Ascent”.  This has taken me forever, lots of breaks in between doing some here and there, and I have no idea what study of Beth’s I would like to do next.   Any suggestions out from you all out there?
  • “How to Have A Mary Spirit in A Martha World” – –I don’t know why, but it didn’t totally resonate with me.  I left it with Grandma in St. Croix to see if she would like it.
  • “That’s My Son” –by Rick Johnson.  A quick, wonderful read with lots of food for thought.  A Christian perspective, but readable for everyone.   I have already been lending this one out to friends.  Here is a link to it at Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Thats-My-Son-Influence-Character/dp/0800730771
  • “Love As A Way of Life”  by Gary Chapman, Christian author and counselor:   http://www.amazon.com/Love-Way-Life-Transforming-Aspect/dp/140007259X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1278815885&sr=8-1
  • “Growing Grateful Kids” – by Susie Larson.  I enjoyed this book and have gone back to it several times.  This one is a keeper.  A strong Christian perspective, with lots of things to really think about and ponder.  Here is a link to it at Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Growing-Grateful-Kids-Appreciate-Extraordinary/dp/0802452825   I would like to go on and read more things that this author has written. 
  • “Mennonite In A Little Black Dress” – Funny in a wry, droll and self-deprecating kind of way.  It didn’t set me on fire, but it was okay…   I would recommend you obtain it through your local library. It is not probably one that will hang around my bookshelves, to be honest.
  • Re-reading right now:  “The Family You’ve Always Wanted:  Five Ways You Can Make It Happen” by Gary Chapman.  I especially liked Dr. Chapman’s take on the “Five Steps To Intimacy” where he talks about intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual and physical intimacy in marriage.  He also has a section of this book about “Parents Who Guide” and really nails gentle discipline with boundaries and a whole section of effective modeling for children.  He also has a good section about the importance of fathers.  I disagree strongly with Dr. Chapman’s take that occasional spanking  may sometimes be justified, but if you can disregard that one part (and he DOES say that spanking is often “evidence of a parent’s misguided anger rather than a reasoned response to a child’s behavior”), I think there are many things in this book that are worth thinking about. 

Related Works to Waldorf Education: 

(My biggest accomplishment was that I read “Practical Advice to Teachers” and “Discussions With Teachers” in the Spring LOL).

  • I am on the last lecture of  “The Agriculture Course” right now.  This is an amazing set of lectures, and I have been reading them and re-reading them and taking notes.  Just wonderful.  I really cannot say enough good things about these lectures.  You will think about Agriculture in a whole new way.
  • Next on tap:  Soseman’s “The Twelve Senses”. 

What have you all been reading?  What have you liked?  I am always in the mood to read!

Many blessings,

Carrie

A Parenting Plan – Part Two

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I wrote a little while back about creating a parenting plan for each of your children (you can see that post here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/06/30/a-parenting-plan/)

I have recently been meditating on those ideas.  I have also been envisioning in my mind what qualities are going to be important to my children when they become adults.  How can I work that into my parenting plan in tangible ways? 

What qualities are important to you?  How does the way you spend your time as a family reflect these qualities?  How do the boundaries in your home reflect these qualities?  For those of you with very small children under the age of 7, modeling is much louder than words and instruction at this point.  What are you modeling and how?

Here is a list of a few qualities that serve adults well; perhaps some of these will resonate with you:

  • Faith
  • Perseverance
  • Self-discipline and self-control
  • Integrity
  • Kindness
  • Love of others
  • Good manners
  • Courage
  • Compassion
  • Dependability
  • Honesty
  • Humility
  • Self-respect and respect for others
  • Contentment
  • Forgiveness of self and others
  • Gratitude
  • Patience

What does your list look like?  How are you working this into your parenting and into your homeschool?  What is most significant to you and to your family?

Much love,

Carrie

Married But Alone?

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I was thinking about women today who have essentially been alone in their marriage.  Married but alone seems a contradiction in terms, yet it happens so frequently. 

In my personal experience in dealing with families, I have seen three types of “being alone” in a marriage: 

1.  Physically Alone – perhaps these husbands travel a lot or are in the military and are gone.  My husband was active-duty military, so I understand that one.

2. Emotionally Alone – communication breaks down and there are no shared feelings, no support,  no warmth for each other

3.  Socially Alone – perhaps  no common interests or shared time is happening.

I certainly am not a marriage counselor and don’t propose to have an answer to this, but I can think of a few places I have seen other families start.

If you are in this situation, could you try – (and these are just my ideas, so please do take what resonates with you as again, I am not a marriage counselor!)

  • To attempt to have ten minutes a day where you sit down and talk about the day (and trying to talk about something more than the logistics of bills and where children need to go the next day!)  Would a Non Violent Communication Group help you both communicate better with each other? 
  • To have a date lunch with just the infant and leave the other children at home, or have a date after the children go to bed?  Or have a date early in the morning before the children wake up?
  • To find a shared, common interest?  What did you all do when you dated?  What did you like to do?  Could you do that again?
  • Counseling if you need a third party or a marriage tune-up?  I have mentioned before that the Imago therapists are seen as compatible with attachment parenting by Attachment Parenting International :  http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/   
  • Can you nurture yourself anyway, even if you are alone or lonely?  What would that look like for you?  If you know yourself and feel confident in yourself, that can only help your marriage.  That is something so very attractive! 
  • How is your spiritual journey?  Is that something you could work on as a couple?
  • How could you work as a cooperative team?
  • Could you love your spouse anyway through the way you treat him, by the things you do to put him ahead of you and would he respond to that?

Live big and love each other,

Carrie

Weaving A Marriage

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Have you ever considered how marriage is like the best weaving project?

It is an interweaving of experiences:

  • All the shared experiences, joyous and sorrowful
  • Family rituals, celebrations, family meals, travel experiences
  • Joyous times with neighbors and friends
  • A rhythmical life of faith in the day, the week, the year if that is part of your family life
  • Sexual intimacy
  • The sharing of dreams, thoughts, opinions, goals, desires
  • The sharing of laughter, fun and joy as a couple and as a family; shared goals and values
  • The experiences of serving each other and serving the family

And perhaps interwoven into these experiences are the things that make a marriage what it is:

  • Two people, each one putting the other person’s welfare and welfare of the entire family,  ahead of themselves
  • Loyalty and fidelity to each other and the family
  • Faith
  • Respect  for one another and being able to work in cooperation with mutual admiration for one another
  • Kindness  to each other publicly and privately
  • Honesty to each other with open and direct communication
  • Integrity
  • Attraction to each other physically and emotionally
  • Enjoyment of each other – laughter and joy

(And the  notable things that are not woven into the fabric:  things such as sarcasm  toward each other if that is an unwanted way to communicate within your family , being passive-aggressive, being selfish)

How are you weaving your marriage today? What are you weaving in and what are you leaving out to make the weaving even more beautiful?

Live big and  love each other,

Carrie

The Power of a Well-Placed No

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As attached parents, we often act as if we are afraid to say the word, “No.” We become good at structuring our homes so we don’t have to say “no” all the time to our babies and toddlers.  This is a good thing.   For the preschooler, we become masters of using fantasy and movement to re-direct a child.  We use distraction. We pull out every tool in our toolbox….

But sometimes a child needs to hear a well-placed “no”.

As adults, we know that life often hands us a “no” that is not couched in any other terms. We are  living in a society where parents are scooping in to rescue older children who have been dealt “no’s” through consequences.  Parents who are trying to have the school pass a child who needs to fail.  Parents who are so emotionally invested in their children that they need to detach a bit and let a “no” settle on their child, even if it means their child is not going to pass a grade, not make the team, not gain admittance to that college program. 

What are your non-negotiable “no’s” and why do you feel badly saying this word?  “No” is not a bad word!

Yes, we try to offer what a child can do along with the no. Yes, we try to leave the heart and spirit of the child open and not crush them with this powerful word.   But I strongly feel that not every “no” needs to be followed by this.  Sometimes just “no” is truly enough.

If you are a loving parent, please accept that “no” can sometimes be the most loving thing that you can say, and that we are doing a disservice to our children if they do not hear a few well-placed, loving  “no’s” from an early age.

Many blessings today,

Carrie

The July Doldrums- AGAIN?

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Ah, it is that time of year!  The time of year when I want to flee out of the Deep South and go somewhere else!  (And since we just returned from vacation, I guess that won’t be happening, sniff).  Last year I wrote out some simple steps to help mothers deal with the July Doldrums (yes, this an official name now, LOL).  Here is that back post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/31/down-and-out-the-july-doldrums/  and here are a few more ideas, suggestions and thoughts:

  • How has everyone done with establishing a Summer Rhythm?  If you have small children, they really cannot be left to just wander the house in the Summer and “find something to do” – essentially because this leads to the “Summer Bickering and Fighting”.  Summer can be a more expansive time, but please do be sure to plan some daily rest times and predictable bedtimes as well!
  • This is a great time of year to connect your children to nature with catching fireflies, swimming in lakes and oceans, hiking and camping.  For some more inspiration, please do catch this back post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/01/celebrating-summer-with-small-children-a-waldorf-perspective/

On the home front, perhaps these posts will give you all some inspiration.  Here are a few oldies but goodies that perhaps you have not read if you are new to this blog:

  • How about focusing on your home?  One thing I do every Summer is go through my WHOLE house, the closets, the garage, the drawers, that storage upstairs and try to get everything in order for the upcoming school year.  Perhaps this post will serve as inspiration:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/12/is-your-home-a-sanctuary/
  • Need some parenting inspiration?  How about these posts?

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/16/mindful-parenting-practices-that-every-parent-should-know/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/08/embracing-and-uplifting/

Need some more inspiration?  Out in blog land, I am  enjoying some of Melisa Nielsen’s posts – this one on patience is worth a look: http://waldorfjourney.typepad.com/a_journey_through_waldorf/2010/07/are-you-patient.html

How about some Arts and Crafts?  The other blog I am really enjoying for all the wonderful arts and crafts ideas is from one of my readers!  Please see here for some great art projects:  http://pinkandgreenmama.blogspot.com/

Enjoy your Summer! (or Winter as it may be Down Under! :))

Many blessings,

Carrie

When Does Co-Sleeping End?

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Many mothers ask this question, especially when infant number two or three comes along:  exactly how long should co-sleeping last? when will it end? 

In my experience, age five (possibly by age  four if there is an older sibling in the room as well), is an age where many children at least start in their own beds.  They frequently then will come in when they wake up in the night. 

However, even if children START in their own beds, they need to be parented to sleep.  Most children like you to lay down with them until they fall asleep.  This is the time of the day where your child may be most relaxed and will  really talk about serious things that are on his or her mind.  It is an opportunity not to be missed!!    Most children who are aged eight or so can talk to you, cuddle with you, kiss you good night and then go off to their own room and crawl into bed and fall asleep.  They still might like to sleep with you several nights a week if you are open to that.

I find most children sleep pretty well through the night typically around ages six to seven, unless they are sick.

I personally think one should keep a bed open to children as long as possible.  If they want to be close to you, why deny the opportunity for connecting with them?  Growing up can be scary and wonderful and challenging.  Even a nine-year-old is still pretty  little. Childhood is such a short time and being open to just being there and being available gives children such a comfort.  

Many blessings,

Carrie

PS.  And please don’t forget this back post if you need more:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/16/co-sleeping-and-nighttime-parenting/

Stages of Discipline for Boys

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Let’s wrap up our series of posts about raising good men.  I  like this quote:  “Without a seasoned heart connection between parents and sons, the teenage years feel like wartime…..The balancing of limit-setting and parent-son relationships begins at a boy’s birth.  The father who waits to become alive in the family until his son is a teenager and making trouble puts himself at a great disadvantage; he will have little effect with his son.  If he starts “laying down the law” the son can just leave.  A thirteen-year-old can live for days by going from one friend’s house to another.”

Discipline, as I have written about time and time again, begins with CONNECTION:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/22/the-number-one-way-to-discipline-a-child/

Here are some ideas for discipline and general parenting through age 12.  Please do take what resonates with you and leave the rest behind.

Ideas For Birth- Age 7

  • Closeness and connection through breastfeeding, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, warmth, and lots of time together lay a great foundation for this attachment and connection that becomes the foundation of discipline.
  • Protection of the senses is very important. I have written so much about this on this blog that I am not going to go into all of that here; the other issue to consider is how we deal with a boy’s feeling/emotional life.  It is important to not let your own baggage, your own sense of worry and anxiousness and inadequacies color how you present the world to your child.  Work through your own stuff and you will be a much better parent. 
  • We always need to remember that small children view things much differently than an adult does.  Small children under the age of 7 have an entirely different consciousness. 
  • How will you supervise and structure the day of your small son?  A four and five year old little boy especially needs structure and a way to get physical energy out – they will most likely need to do this first thing in the morning and again in the afternoon.  Life will not go smoothly without this!
  • Boys need to know the rules of your family and they need you to be kind, fair and calm. 

AGE 8- AGE 12:  Suggestions for parenting:

  • You must be involved, because “the boy is no longer satisfied with free play.  He wants to go further, to master physical challenges, make things, and build with a goal in mind.  He requires more parental involvement in planning, supervising, and providing opportunities at home and in the world that help him develop the skills he craves.” – from “Raising A Son” by Rick Johnson
  • Positive role models are very important!
  • Help your son experience success and the value of persistence in learning.  Help boys sample lots of different kinds of skills so they can find their own talents and abilities.    Music lessons, carpentry, drama are all important for this age. 
  • Boys of this age CRAVE time with their fathers and still need their mothers.
  • Boys of this age are working on building up their self-esteem, and how they deal with relationships.  Help them.
  • Children of this age are still impulsive and don’t think things through, so they still need rules that are fair and boundaries to help them.
  • Sexuality is now a topic of interest, so  think how you would like to approach this. There was just a great discussion about this topic over on Melisa Nielsen’s Yahoo!Group at homeschoolingwaldorf@yahoogroups.com .  Please do join in!

Many blessings,

Carrie