I was thinking about women today who have essentially been alone in their marriage. Married but alone seems a contradiction in terms, yet it happens so frequently.
In my personal experience in dealing with families, I have seen three types of “being alone” in a marriage:
1. Physically Alone – perhaps these husbands travel a lot or are in the military and are gone. My husband was active-duty military, so I understand that one.
2. Emotionally Alone – communication breaks down and there are no shared feelings, no support, no warmth for each other
3. Socially Alone – perhaps no common interests or shared time is happening.
I certainly am not a marriage counselor and don’t propose to have an answer to this, but I can think of a few places I have seen other families start.
If you are in this situation, could you try – (and these are just my ideas, so please do take what resonates with you as again, I am not a marriage counselor!)
- To attempt to have ten minutes a day where you sit down and talk about the day (and trying to talk about something more than the logistics of bills and where children need to go the next day!) Would a Non Violent Communication Group help you both communicate better with each other?
- To have a date lunch with just the infant and leave the other children at home, or have a date after the children go to bed? Or have a date early in the morning before the children wake up?
- To find a shared, common interest? What did you all do when you dated? What did you like to do? Could you do that again?
- Counseling if you need a third party or a marriage tune-up? I have mentioned before that the Imago therapists are seen as compatible with attachment parenting by Attachment Parenting International : http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/
- Can you nurture yourself anyway, even if you are alone or lonely? What would that look like for you? If you know yourself and feel confident in yourself, that can only help your marriage. That is something so very attractive!
- How is your spiritual journey? Is that something you could work on as a couple?
- How could you work as a cooperative team?
- Could you love your spouse anyway through the way you treat him, by the things you do to put him ahead of you and would he respond to that?
Live big and love each other,