Category Archives: Family Life

All Saints’ Day And All Souls’ Day In The Waldorf Home

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Last year I wrote a post about Halloween In The Waldorf Home that also included a little bit about All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day. You can find that post here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/10/07/halloween-in-the-waldorf-home/

I have to be very honest and tell you that in just one short year, my perspective on this time of the year has changed quite a bit.  Halloween has never been huge, huge on my list, but this year it is even lower than in the past.  This is because my religion’s liturgical year marks All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day as days of importance and therefore these days have become a newer tradition of importance in our family over Halloween. (And yes, I know my Orthodox friends must wait a bit!)

Icon for The Feast of All Saints

On the Eve of All Saints’ Day, there is a vigil for all saints known and unknown in the Church.   There are services at church this night that  are sung and are amongst the most beautiful of the whole year.   One example of  part of the Daily Office for the actual day of  All Saints’ Day can be found here:  http://www.missionstclare.com/english/people/nov1.html#prayer  and there is also a service at church as well.  I like the Mission St. Claire resource I just mentioned; the Daily Office calendar for November has links to Orthodox, Coptic and Roman Catholic Saints for each day as well, along with the Episcopalian celebrations and remembrances:  http://www.missionstclare.com/english/November/cal.html

Whilst these two days are still separate, there is a rather increased fusion of All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day (the explanation for the Common of Saints is here: http://www.missionstclare.com/english/November/morning/2m.html  and scroll down to “About All Souls’ Day”). 

Today we are celebrating by remembering  our family members who have died by making a beautiful display of photographs of them along with a winding crocheted “Thread of Life” to remind us that the dead are with us, that we can live our lives with their lives as models of goodness and kindness.   Tonight we will cook some of their favorite foods and talk about them all as we look at their photographs.  Today is also our day to make lanterns, a symbol of light for this season.  We will also be planting some dried, brown bulbs that will spring into new life around Christmas to remind us of the Eternal Life we have in Our Savior.

And that, my friends, is something worth taking into the darker days of Autumn.

Many blessings to you and Happy All Saints’ and All Souls’ Day,

Carrie

An Example Housekeeping Rhythm

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Several readers of this blog really wanted to know what Lovey’s household cleaning rhythms were, and Lovey was gracious enough to reply so I thought I would post it here.  (It is also listed in the comment that Lovey sent in!)

Without further ado, Lovey writes:

Since I no longer maintain a blog, I will post our cleaning schedule here.

Mom:
Monday – kitchen/dining
Tuesday – vehicles (don’t forget this is an extension of your home)
Wednesday – living room
Thursday – basement
Friday – bedroom/bathroom
Sunday – yard

Within this framework I keep a schedule throughout the month so everything gets done. For instance in the kitchen, week one I will polish silver, week two is pantry and shelves, week three is floor and walls, and week for is appliances and cupboards. I have a rotation like this for each room so that in any given month every single area will be cleaned. I also clear out rooms every season gathering donations and changing out decor (and tidying the clutter that inevitably collects).

Dad:
Daily – laundry, dog care
Weekly – yard, maintenance

Child 1:
Monday – trash/recycling, kitchen
Tuesday – trash/recycling, bathroom
Wednesday – trash/recycling, kitchen
Thursday – trash/recycling, sweep & mop
Friday – trash/recycling, sweep & mop
Sunday – wash & iron own clothes, bedroom

Child 2:
Monday – vacuum, sweep & mop
Tuesday – vacuum, sweep & mop
Wednesday – vacuum, kitchen
Thursday – vacuum, bathroom,
Friday – vacuum, kitchen
Sunday – clothes, bedroom

The children have had a chore since about age 4. They progressively got harder as they grew older until by age 10, they were expected to contribute at their current level.

Daily I do a clean sweep picking up stray items throughout the house, gardening, cooking and dishes, and paper sorting.

We also have seasonal chores such as cleaning the siding, shampooing the carpets, washing the screens,etc.

Annual chores include clearing out and organizing the garage and attic, painting, etc.

Since moving to a cleaning schedule years ago, our home has been tidy and organized

Lovey

Thank you Lovey for sharing this as I am sure it will be an inspiration to many readers out there to come up with their own rhythm for housekeeping.

Many blessings and thanks,

Carrie

Back To Basics: Bringing Out The Beauty In Your Home

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I wanted to write a post about rhythm tonight, but felt I needed to write about the physical environment of the home first.  After all, it can be hard to attain a peaceful rhythm if laundry is piled everywhere, the sink is full of dishes and every surface is dirty.

Mothers ask all the time about establishing a rhythm for their families and I always recommend starting with bedtimes/consistent awake times, and then look at meal times.  However, what many mothers do not realize is that “clean-up” time is built into these bursts of activity.  Whilst your children are in the bathtub, have the children scrub it whilst you tackle the floor and sing!  After a meal time, everyone brings their plates up and washes and dries the dishes.  Together.  This is the beginning of the children using their will forces, their hands, their bodies and developing habits.  The things that you teach them to do with their hands will be the things they can do once they leave your house to live on their own!

So, the first place to start is with in regards to your home is, of course, yourself.   You set the tone for how things are done in your home, and you are worthy of having an nice home!  A home is really about the intangible feelings you get when you walk in the door.  Is it comfortable, is it warm, is it a place of love?  I wrote about that some here:  https://dendtler.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=881&action=edit&message=1

In this post entitled, “Is Your Home A Sanctuary?”  (https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/12/is-your-home-a-sanctuary/)  I wrote a few things down about starting from the bare bones of envisioning a home and building outward:

One of the first things one can do to improve the physical beauty of the home is to seriously look at the amount of stuff and clutter in the home and pare it all down.  Pare down your toys, the amount of clothes your kids have and how many things you have.  Your small home will seem spacious!

The second thing may be to consider unusual uses of space.  I currently have a lovely school room in my dining room area and my dining room in a sunroom area.  The dining room is more contained for homeschooling (ie, can’t see it from the front door when you walk in) and the sunroom area is larger and visible directly from the front door.  Our breakfast nook area off the kitchen is a also now a playroom to keep the children close whilst I cook or clean.

Paint is something to consider as well.  The right shade of paint can really warm a room and make it inviting.  Evaluate your furniture as well – if you painted this piece of furniture or changed the drawer pulls, would it look totally different?  Many times this is just as good as getting new furniture!  Can you reupholster anything?

Rugs, curtains and pillows are last.  If you can sew, that is so helpful but even if you cannot, perhaps you can find wonderful thrift store bargains.  Can you take down the blinds and clean them all before you put up new curtains?

Then look at the outside of your house.  Does it need painting?  Pressure washing? Mulch?  Is the front entry inviting? If you enter through the garage can you walk through the garage?  Does the garage need painting?

This is a lot about the physical environment because I think when we are home all day the physical clutter, cleanliness and appearance of our homes can really affect how we feel!

Here are some cleaning lists for what chores to do when:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/11/housecleaning-and-homeschooling/  If you can tailor this to your own needs and work it into your daily and weekly rhythm, then you will have a foundation of a home that is generally well-put together. 

One website that has helped me in the past has been Flylady:  www.flylady.net.  Baby steps really assisted me when I did not have routines for homemaking in place.  Perhaps this will be a place to help you.

There are many blogs with beautiful pictures of gorgeous handmade homey spaces with clean, smiling children.  Do not let these photographs stress you out!  Use them and look at them only if they inspire you!  You are worthy of having your own tranquil physical space and you can get there!

Remember, people before things, baby steps toward routines!

Many blessings in homemaking,

Carrie

Back to Basics: Dealing With Anger

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Anger is a very real emotion in parenting, and I think so many times people are afraid to talk about it.  Acknowledging that anger can exist in ourselves towards our children not only makes us feel sad and guilty, it forces us to face our own imperfections.

I wrote this in May of last year:

“If we create a battlefield in our mind against our children, then all is lost.  By battlefield, I mean the minute we begin thinking, “My child is doing this on purpose!”  “My child is out to get me and make me miserable!”  “My child knew what they were doing and planned this!”  “My child is just wanting to push each and every one of the buttons I have!”   Keep reading to find out the implications of what I mean by that!

Mamas, I have been there and done that and I would like to share something with you that I have learned:  If we create a us versus them mentality in our mind and in our attitude before we even open our mouths, then we have lost.

We have lost the opportunity to warmly hold the space for our children, we have lost the moment to guide in peaceful energy the behavior we would like our child to show, we have lost the connection between us and our child.”

The whole post the above came from is here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/22/the-battlefield-of-the-mind-anger-and-parenting/

I wrote some more regarding anger in parenting last November (modified text for this post today):

Conflict is a part of life, and anger is not a BAD emotion – it is just a feeling like other feelings.  However, many parents choose to discipline their children when they are angry or hurt.  Some parents choose to hit their children when they are angry.  Hitting a child is wrong, (if you need an argument for this please see this post:   https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/20/getting-past-fear/ )  and when we lose control and responsibility for our actions when we are angry we lose that teachable moment.  A  split-second action in anger can also cause a parent to have remorse and guilt.  It can necessitate an apology!

Instead of losing control, I would like to talk to you today about how not to be the angry parent……I believe anger issues actually are OUR problem, the parent’s problem.  Usually we are trying to do something in a tight time frame, we are carrying in baggage from our own childhood (“I NEVER would have talked to MY parents that way!), we are tired and stressed out over things that may or may not even have to do with that child, we are carrying unrealistic expectations of that child’s behavior, or just in general our needs are not being met.

The questions becomes:  what do we want our CHILDREN to do when they are angry and how can we model that for them?  If we walk around yelling and slamming doors, how can we be surprised when our six-year old does that?

After you are calm, hopefully you can return to the situation and work to solve the problem. Help the child, guide the child.  Breathe in and breathe out.

Patience is developed over time.  I am certain I am more patient with this third child than I was with my first child.  Learning to relax into parenting and how to let go of the mentality that every single thing must be addressed so the child will not become a Detriment To Society is also learned.  Set a timer and see if you can keep your patience for half an hour if that is where you are, and work up from there. You can do this!  Fill your own tank so you have something to give.  Get your children into a rhythm with an early bedtime so you have time for you and time for you and your spouse.

Most of all, be thankful.  Go look at your children while they are sleeping, those small faces, realize how very little ages three, four and five really are.  And in this time of dwindling light and moving into darkness, work to cultivate yourself as a light for your family.

Need more help?

Here is the popular back post on “defiance”:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/16/a-few-fast-words-regarding-defiance-in-children-under-the-age-of-6/

Here is a post for when you are feeling chronically angry toward your family:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/05/an-emergency-how-to-how-to-parent-peacefully-with-children-under-age-9/  This is probably my personal favorite post I have ever written on anger.

Many blessings to you all tonight,

Carrie

Even More About Michaelmas

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Happy Michaelmas!  I hope you all are having a wonderful day of festivities!  I wrote a few posts about Michaelmas quite awhile ago, you can find it here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/10/05/our-michaelmas-celebration/   and here:   https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/06/michaelmas-is-coming/

Our family celebrated Michaelmas with our homeschool group on Sunday.  We had approximately 40 other parents and children from our homeschool group gathered, and we had a wonderful time celebrating with stories, games, and other festivities.

This season of Michaelmas, for me, really lasts from a few weeks before Michaelmas until a week or so before Halloween.  In honor of this occasion, I have been reading the words of Rudolf Steiner from his lectures  collected and entitled, “Michaelmas and the Soul- Forces of Man”  In the fourth lecture, he relates the four major festivals of the year:  Michaelmas, Christmas, Easter and St. John’s.  He says, “ Easter: death, then resurrection; Michaelmas: resurrection of the soul, then death. This makes of the Michael Festival a reversed Easter Festival. Easter commemorates for us the Resurrection of Christ from death; but in the Michael Festival we must feel with all the intensity of our soul: In order not to sleep in a half-dead state that will dim my self-consciousness between death and a new birth, but rather, to be able to pass through the portal of death in full alertness, I must rouse my soul through my inner forces before I die. First, resurrection of the soul — then death, so that in death that resurrection can be achieved which man celebrates within himself.”

You can read these four lectures for yourself here:  http://wn.rsarchive.org/Lectures/MichSoul/MiSoul_index.html  There is also this really interesting collection of articles, lectures, verses and stories all about Michaelmas available in  Waldorf Journal Project #15, edited by David Mitchell.  You can find that here:   http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/WJP15.pdf

I especially like this part from David Mitchell’s writings about Autumn:  “The evening skies come alive as meteor showers streak across the dark canopy like blazing arrows. The remnants of this cosmic metallic  presence is unknowingly absorbed into our blood from the very air we breathe,   invigorating our blood with its homeopathic qualities of iron. Darkness starts  to wrap around us and we are moved inside to the comfort of our homes. Our  thought life also goes inward. The dreamy mood of summer is replaced by a new  vigor that seems to aid us in our tasks.”

In this season, I challenge you to bring new consciousness to the elements of your life that need your attention; to overcome things that are difficult in your parenting with your attentiveness and will.

I challenge you to encourage your children in the areas that are challenging for them.  Every child deserves to hear every day about how strong they are, how healthy their bodies are, how brave and courageous they are.

Happy Michaelmas today,

Carrie

What Are The Benefits of Rhythm In The Home?

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I am getting ready to give a talk next Saturday regarding a peaceful family life as supported by rhythm, and today I wanted to highlight this portion for all of my readers near and far to meditate upon:

What Are The Benefits of Rhythm In The Home?

· Gives children a sense of security

· Rhythm can calm a high-needs, anxious, nervous or difficult child

· Children can see the tasks of daily life as process from beginning to end

· Once children have external rhythms, they then develop internal rhythms for eating, sleeping

· Helps the child focus their energy on play and growth and balance as opposed to wondering when the next snack time will be or when bedtime is

· Rhythm helps maintain a person or child’s strength for daily tasks

· Connects a child to nature

· Provides a structure for a child that is neither boring nor over-stimulating; provides a balance

· A True Help in Loving Guidance – because children are so centered in their physical bodies and in imitation, rhythm becomes a real help in avoiding arguments

· Helps children become helpers in the home and in life by building in times for setting up and cleaning up activities within the rhythm; this helps calm nervous and difficult children

· Rhythm helps the adults of the family build up their own self-discipline so we can model this to our children

· A rhythm helps a child feel certain that their needs will be met

· A rhythm is a vital piece in establishing for young children that there is a time for all things

· Rhythm helps parents not only with self-discipline but with enabling the energy of the house to flow smoothly and to support the needs of everyone in the entire family, not just one child or the children

· A disorganized life is not truly free!

I encourage you all to think and meditate on this; start small!  The day starts with the night before, so perhaps thinking about bedtime would be a good place to begin.

Many blessings,

Carrie

The Chinese Moon Festival

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You all probably remember what a great time my family had celebrating the Chinese New Year with a friend of mine:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/09/chinese-new-year-in-the-waldorf-home/

Well, today I had a reader kind enough to write in and share her plans for celebrating the Chinese Moon Festival today.  You can see the links she shared here: 

http://www.thistinyasteroid.com/2010/09/moon-festival-planner/

and here: http://www.thistinyasteroid.com/2010/09/wip-moon-festival-lanterns/

Happy Celebrating!

Many blessings,

Carrie

September Linky Love!

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I just wanted to send some love to my top ten referrers…thank you all so very much.  You all inspire me!

Here is the TOP TEN:

  • aresohappy.squarespace.com
  • thewaldorfconnection.com
  • untroddenpaths.blogspot.com
  • simplicityparenting.com
  • ancienthearth2.blogspot.com
  • catherine-et-les-fees.blogspot.com
  • ourdayourjourney.blogspot.com
  • eileenspace.blogspot.com
  • chelseab.typepad.com
  • blumieboys.blogspot.com

 

I have been reading those, and here is a spot I have been enjoying as well:  http://www.anthromed.org/  I have also been enjoying re-reading “Kingdom of Childhood” for the Christopherus study.  Is anyone else over there?

And, I am soliciting ideas for what you would like to read in this space.  It is always a bit of a challenge, because some people read this blog for homeschooling, some parents don’t homeschool at all and read it for parenting inspiration….some people read this blog for information regarding Waldorf parenting/homeschooling and some people just skip that…You all keep me on my toes!  I just consider this a parenting blog that melds all my interests, passions and areas where I have some knowledge and I hope some of it helps someone…pretty simple.  🙂  Anyway, please do let me know what you would like to read more about.  There are now over 640 posts on this blog, if you can believe that!

Love to you all,

Carrie

Running Yourself Ragged?

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I see many mothers this time of year really running themselves ragged with taking their small, preschool-aged children to “things” – museums, group play dates, the zoo, music and gymnastics and dance classes…And the mothers are exhausted and stressed out trying to get their children out the door!

I know this is not popular opinion, so please do take this and meditate on it (even if this idea totally irritates you for this moment!) and see if anything about it resonates with you! I think small children under the age of 7 need rhythm and being home, especially if this under -7 child is your oldest child.  Those of us with babies and older children lament that the little ones have to come along to things – when your preschool aged child is your oldest, you have options!   Trust me, there will be plenty of time for “field trips”, classes, lessons and other things as your child matures, and these things will mean much more to them at that time.   I have written many back posts on this!

Here are some things I think are important for small children:

  • A strong rhythm of in-breath and out-breath, ie, quiet times and more active times.
  • Learning how to do lots of practical things around the house with cooking, cleaning, washing, gardening, baking.
  • Having lots of time in nature.
  • Having lots of time to help prepare for festivals, holidays, religious celebrations. Surrounding yourself and your child with your deep spiritual beliefs.  If you don’t know what those are, now is the time to figure it out! 🙂
  • Having unhurried time.  Time to sleep and to rest, which a child cannot do if they are rushing around.
  • Doing activities that stimulate the imagination and limiting adult stresses.
  • Parents who are doing inner work in the five things that every parent needs:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/03/29/five-things-every-parent-needs/
  • The Laws of Childhood: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/23/carries-laws-of-childhood/

These are the years that you will not be able to get back, and it is important to meditate mindfully upon what is best for your family.  Please do!

If you need some back post help, here are a few that you may want to read or re-read and think about:

Many blessings to all of you!

Carrie

Posts I Am Enjoying

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Hi All!

Here are a few things I am enjoying from around the Web:

  • NobleMother’s series on John Gottman’s book, “Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work”:

Take a peek at this post and follow along: http://www.noblemother.com/2010/08/day-1-creating-a-marriage-that-rocks/

What are you all looking at on the Web?

Many blessings,

Carrie