Author Archives: Carrie

A New Christian Resource

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I am not sure how many of you remember this post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/21/summer-planning-christian-education-for-the-waldorf-home/    and how I was searching for something different for our morning devotion time?

Well, I found this book by Ruth Graham:   http://www.amazon.com/Step-into-Bible-Stories-Devotions/dp/0310714109/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253494109&sr=8-6.    I like it better at this point than the other devotional book we were using.  I think the other book will be perfect when my children are older, but it just seemed like it was not hitting the spot for my children in the morning.

The 100 Bible Stories in the Ruth Graham book are short with a devotion, lots of colorful pictures, a few quick questions and a Bible Memory Verse that repeats for seven lessons.

Hope that helps a few of you who are looking for resources,

Carrie

Day Number Four of 20 Days Toward Being a More Mindful Mother

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(This post is directed toward day-to-day marital issues, not marital issues where physical or emotional abuse is taking place.)

Yes, we are back to one of my favorite soapbox issues:  your relationship with your spouse, partner or significant other (and to my single mommies, I am sorry that this post today probably won’t have a lot of challenging information for you!  🙂  )

Here are some old posts I have written  regarding challenges in marriage and working toward better relationships in the home:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/27/more-on-marriage-how-do-you-work-with-the-differences/

The Stages of Marriage here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/19/inspirations-from-tapestries-the-stages-of-marriage/

Here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/17/using-your-first-year-of-parenting-to-fall-deeper-in-love-with-your-spouse/

And here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/08/parenting-as-partners/

Please, please think about what your home will look like in twenty years when your children are gone and you and your husband are left alone.  What will your relationship look like?  I have a friend who has asked me in addition to that question, “And how can you prepare for that day now?”

Many of you know I am a proponent of an early bedtime for children past infancy and nap stages so Mom and Dad can have time for their  relationship at night.  I know that does not resonate with everyone out there, but I am throwing it out there again because I have seen it work personally with quite a few parents in my area.  Just being able to have some time to finish sentences together and be, well, adults, often seems to put a spark back into the relationship.

Some parents do arrange dates for lunch, coffee, or dinner and take along a sling-able baby or a toddler who would be distressed by the separation but leave the older children at home with a trusted relative or friend.  For some families this works well.

Other families choose to have dates “in” and have books, games, movies, take -out food or a romantic dinner ready to go after the kids fall asleep.  This is another very viable alternative.

Intimacy can be a difficult subject to discuss, but I personally believe that physical intimacy is very important to the spousal relationship.  Many men will open up to emotional intimacy after the physical intimacy has been fulfilled.  Physical intimacy can be emotionally fulfilling for them.   Women tend to want the emotional intimacy first.  Work together in these areas to make things fulfilling for both of you!

Other important areas toward improving marital intimacy includes having respect for your husband.  Do you talk about him negatively in front of your children?  Karol Ladd in her book, “The Power of a Positive Mother” writes on page 193 (and I LOVE this!):  “Our kids pick up on the kindness and respect we show to other people, beginning in our own homes.  When we speak with respect to our husbands, our kids learn how to speak with respect to one another.”  Don’t you all love that, or is it just me?!

Often as an attached parent, it is easy to put your children ahead of your marriage (and indeed many times this HAS  to be the case for infants, older infants and even toddlers who need help at bedtime and such – these early years won’t last forever!).  However, once you have multiple children, one can only put the marriage on the back burner  for so long before  I think one has to come back to a balance that includes the adults’ relationship in the house.

The Gesell Institute book “Your Eight-Year-Old” talks about how the eight-year-old is acutely interested and aware  of the quality of the relationships of the adults in the house and is watching intensely.  I would say this starts well before the age of eight!  You are modeling for your children what a healthy relationship looks like, the roles of  not only a mother and a father but of a husband and a wife.  What are you modeling for your children?

This topic of focusing on your spouse is important, so very important!

Perhaps today you can meditate on ways to communicate better, consider the needs of the whole family (not only the children!) and your role not only as a mother and as a homeschooling mother/teacher, but your role as a wife as well.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Does Anyone, Anyone….

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have a Personal Mission Statement or a Family Mission Statement they would be willing to share?  I have gotten several emails and comments that putting one together seems difficult and I feel perhaps some mothers need examples to look at and see how this could really apply to their own families!

Thank you, dear readers, in advance.  I appreciate you all and thank you for reading and helping other mothers!

Love,

Carrie

Day Number Three of 20 Days Toward Being a More Mindful Mother

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Today’s focus is on being POSITIVE!  This is a very important trait to pass on to your children – did you know that negativity can be “inherited” by your children?  They really do model your outlook on life!

There can be PHYSICAL reasons and PSYCHOLOGICAL reasons for not being positive – I urge you to talk to your medical provider, and a mental health care professional if you are depressed!  This post is more about just the day-by day ways we look at our lives!  Not to be confused with situations that need medical help!

So, you may be reading this and thinking, yes, I have been rather negative lately…So I ask you, what kind of negative person are you?  I think there are different kinds of negative people, and   I have listed a few types here I thought of off the top of my head:

THE WOE-IS-ME type:  Nothing ever goes right, no matter how hard I try!  Life has dealt me so many bad things and I can’t overcome it!  In parenting, I think this often manifests itself as talking about oneself, how “horrible” one’s child and spouse are even when things are not that bad (and I am not talking here about spousal abuse and other dire situations of emotional and physical abuse!)  This is more a type of magnifying the day-to-day things that happen. 

THE DRAMA QUEEN:  Every small thing that happens is fodder to be talked about, discussed, dissected for days and days.  The Drama Queen has a vortex-like pull and pulls everyone down around her.

THE GRUMP:  Chronically angry, chronically sad and may not even realize that this is how they view things. They may even  say things like, “I am just realistic, that’s all!”  Personally, I don’t want to live in your reality!  I think people who just complain but then don’t do anything to change their situation would also fit here in this category.

What other types can you think of?  I am sure we could come up with some great “category names” for types of negative people!  But how sad when our children have to live with this negativity and lack of confidence and joy day after day!

If you have been in a “negative slump” what can you do to change it?

What would you need in your life to be “happy” and if you got this, would you truly be happy or not?  Think about this one carefully!

That is for you to answer, because you and you alone hold the power to this, but here are a few things that have helped other mothers that I have heard:

  • -Positive self-talk – in other words, learning how to use our words to NOT magnify a situation.  Focusing on solving the problem rather than just the complaint of it all.  Keep track and see how many times I day you say, “I can’t” or “I shouldn’t have done that”.
  • -Inner work – Many positive mothers do have a strong spiritual life.
  • -Encouragement!  When our children are learning to crawl and their little arms collapse and they bonk themselves in the head, we don’t say, “Well, you did great but  next time keep your arms straight!” which is what we tend to say to older children trying something for the first time.  How many words of encouragement  are you giving your children each day?  How many times do you encourage your spouse or do you just nag and tell him all the negative things when he walks in the door?
  • -Taking care of oneself – Are you overweight?  Do you exercise? How do  you eat?  And most importantly, are you getting enough rest at night and are you taking a daily quiet time? 
  • -A Support System – this is so important; many mothers are very isolated!  Sometimes this isn’t bad and the mom functions just fine within her nuclear family, but if you are an outgoing person like me, you may need some outside contact….which leads me to:
  • -Do you have any community at  all?  A religious community, a spiritual community, a neighborhood community, a homeschooling community?
  • Lastly, this is one of my favorite Christian resources for positive mothering, dealing with anger and other issues:  http://www.positivemom.com/  It may not speak to everyone, but for some of you it may provide encouragement!

Leave your thoughts and inspiration for other mothers in the comment section!

Peace,

Carrie

Day Number Two of 20 Days Toward Being a More Mindful Mother

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So, how did everyone do with Day Number One?  Did anyone write a Personal Mission Statement?  I actually did, and it was not as hard as I thought it would be!  Did anyone start any kind of inner work practice?  I would love to hear about it in the comment section!

Today we are going to focus on forgiveness.  I have written some posts on guilt and  forgiveness in the past  here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/27/forgiving-ourselves/  and here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/22/waldorf-guilt/   and here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/14/is-it-too-late/.

I had the good fortune of attending a continuing education course on Monday entitled, “Anger, Forgiveness and the Healing Process” given by presenter Robert Grant, PhD who focuses on trauma victims and the areas of trauma, spirituality, and cross-cultural issues.

One interesting thing that he (Dr. Grant)  pointed out was that not every culture employs the concept of “forgiveness.”  In many cultures it is kind of “endure and get on.”  He has worked in many countries around the world and currently is living in Japan.  According to Dr. Grant, forgiveness is a very Judeo-Christian and Islamic notion.  A reader commented below on the Hindu tradition of forgiveness as well, see comment section.  🙂

In the world of parenting and homeschooling in our culture,  however, I think self-forgiveness is often a necessary part of the journey.  Self-forgiveness is often a process where one has to accept and forgive themselves for being HUMAN and not perfect.  In Dr. Grant’s view, being human means we are “flawed and limited.”

What are your wounds that require self-forgiveness?

How do you acknowledge disappointment, loss?

How can your inner work help you in the journey of self-forgiveness?

Parenting is not perfection, it is a journey. Your child is not a psychological extension of you.  I hear parents worry all the time that their child will grow up and resent the choices they have made; that Waldorf homeschooling will not be “enough” and that the child will blame them when they are in college and realize not every single thing was covered for them in their homeschooling education, etc.

Huh.

I don’t know about you, but I attended one of the best public school systems in New York.  I have gone on to college  to earn two degrees, and there were things that were not covered in my public school career.  If I knew everything coming out of high school, why would I need or want to go on to college?  And then there were some things I learned in high school that made so much more sense in college –precalculus and physics come to mind! 

There is always going to be some website or person who espouses the horrors of some parenting decision you have made –whether that is extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, homeschooling, Waldorf homeschooling.  We are all different people, and I think it is okay that people have different views.  Our views also change over time.

I have a friend who jokingly says, “Seriously, I have money set aside for my children’s  therapy!  If they come back when they are grown up and complain about this and that, I am just going to say, “I loved you and raised you the best I knew how back then, and here’s some money to go talk to a counselor about it!”   And she laughs.   But  I also know she will refuse to feel guilty or “less” because she was not perfect,  or because her child is a much different person than she was and is and will see things in a different light.  She knows she is doing the very best she can Right Now In This Moment.  That is powerful confidence!

Work today with the concept of forgiveness and how to be at peace with yourself.  Recognize that we are still growing and changing as we are still going through the seven-year cycles ourselves.  There are many posts regarding each seven-year cycle through adulthood as part of the book reviews of “Tapestries” by Betty Staley; you can search for these on this blog.  Perhaps that will be helpful to you!

Most of all, we can still be confident even if we are not perfect.  We still have more years of living than our children, we can still strive to be listeners, to be patient, to communicate without sarcasm or blame.  We can exude a quiet confidence and strength in parenting even without perfection.

Forgive yourself, be easy with yourself, and most of all love yourself.  I believe in a Creator, and in the Creator’s eyes, you are His Beloved, perfect or not!

Peace and love,

Carrie

20 Days To Being A More Mindful Mother

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Hoo-boy, don’t  you hate it when you see titles like this in a magazine and you read it and think, “Yeah, right!  Some pithy little piece that will never change my life!”

I think those things as well when I see titles like these, so I cannot believe I am embarking on a series like this as well!   Interestingly enough,  this blog has MANY new readers (hi there, new readers!)  In fact, this blog is getting anywhere from 650-800 hits a day  now, which is really amazing to me.  I feel very humble about the whole thing, how this has grown from a tiny little thing just about a year ago to now!  Thank you to all  of you!  I so enjoy hearing from all of you and your thoughts, and walking with you.  You all know my theory that as mothers we should not have to re-invent the wheel and walk this path alone!

So, in that spirit, I would like to offer you the next 20 days to round-up some of the fundamental things I believe about childhood development, realistic expectations, inner work, spiritual homemaking and Waldorf.  I hope it will be fun for all of us!

So, without further ado, let’s dive into Day Number One:  Inner Work.  (I hear the groans; you all just KNEW I was going to say that, didn’t you??)

So, for the next 20 days, I want you to commit with me that you will start some form of inner work for  yourself for ten minutes a day.

In the past we have looked at Family Mission Statements here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/08/creating-a-family-mission-statement/

but what I was thinking about in this part is that perhaps some of you would be interested in creating Your Very Own Personal Mission Statement as part of this daily time.  Grab some paper and a pencil and jot down some answers to these questions:

What do you feel called to do and to be?

What are you passionate about?

What were you passionate about before you had kids?

What are two strengths that you have?

How could you use these two strengths?

How does your homemaking and raising a beautiful family fit into doing something for the rest of the world?

What are the things you model for your children that you are most proud of?

If you had to name three things that are your top values, what would they be?  Here is a pretty long list of different values to choose from:  http://www.timethoughts.com/goalsetting/ListOfSampleValues.htm

Stephen Covey is well-known for his approach to personal, family and business management through mission statements.  Here is a link to his website:  https://www.stephencovey.com/mission-statements.php

Of course, inner work can also be seen from a different view than just  mission statements.  Many people consider inner work to be the work that increases their sense of calmness, centeredness, peacefulness.  For some people this means living in the moment without judgment as to their own feelings, for some people this includes meditation practices, yoga, tai chi, walking or developing their inner life through art.  Many families find increased personal development through a specific religious path and prayer.

There are several other things often mentioned with inner work.  One of these is the concept of self-forgiveness and forgiveness in general and the other is meditating on the child.  I think these are important as well, and will include these in later blog posts for a complete focus.

The other piece of inner work to mention is the work one does with one’s own spirituality.  Many people these days do not seem to have strong religious or spiritual beliefs.  I heard some statistics somewhere, I cannot remember where at this point, that stated approximately 15 percent of the US population now has no religious affiliation at all, and almost 2 percent of the US population is now atheist.  I am sure if one looked at people who said they believed in something higher than themselves but had no structured religious or spiritual practice, the number would be high.

I encourage you  as part of your inner work during the next 20 days to explore where spirituality, religion and your beliefs in these areas come into play in your life and in what you model for your children.  Many children come into wanting answers regarding something higher than themselves around the age of  nine or ten year, and demonstrate wanting to be a different religion than what they are or wanting to experience something religious or spiritual if that has not been a part of their upbringing.  These are questions to think about now so you can provide the best guidance for your child during these times.

That completes some thoughts for Day Number One! 

Happy pondering, and most of all, happy DOING!  Make your commitment, pick a time of the day and stick to it!  I will be waiting to hear your progress!

Carrie

A Few Fast Words Regarding “Defiance” In Children Under the Age of 6

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Does this exist?

From a Waldorf perspective, children in the first seven year cycle are neither inherently good nor bad but learning.  They are not “defiant”; defiance implies a fully conscious knowing of right and wrong and choosing to do the opposite, wrong, thing.  Since in the land of Waldorf parenting we believe the first seven years are a dreamy state, a state where logical thought has not yet entered, a state where the child is one giant sense organ (an eye!) and just taking in sensory impressions without a filter, there can be no “defiance”. Many times the power struggles we create with our children are a result of our own lack of knowledge of developmental stages, not having the right tools to guide our child, our own inner issues at the moment and not as much to do with the child as we thought!

Of course a small child wants what they want when they want it.  This is part of the fact that the small child lives specifically within their bodies and within their WILL.  Remember, Waldorf is about willing, feeling, and thinking.  Thinking comes in much later.  A two-year-old  will push against forms that you create in rhythm; this is why the rhythm is for YOU if you have a child under the age of 6.  If your child does not want to participate in what is going on at the moment, you are still DOING it yourself and the child may or may not join in.  This is another reason to not “push” official “school” with a child of three or four; in the classroom environment there is a whole class with older children doing the same thing  to help hold the space but at home the child has perhaps no other age to carry them along.

As far as “not listening” which seems to be the most common compliant hooked into “defiance” (ie, I tell them something and they don’t do it) (and by the way, I hear this in the part of the country where I live starting with one-year-olds!  My one-year-old doesn’t listen!  They are so naughty!), a small child is not SUPPOSED to listen. 

Yes, re-read that for a moment.  You may think this is a very radical statement!

Read it again.  Your 2, 3, 4, and yes even 5 year old is living in their BODY,  not in their head.  When you give them a “verbal command” and they have to go up into their head to process it, this is involving thinking, which is something Waldorf educators see children using as a dominant way to respond to an environment LATER.  It is NOT that small children do not think, it is NOT that they do not have thoughts, important thoughts!!,  but that they live in the moment, they have this will to do what they want without many overriding mechanisms at this point to slow things down. They are LEARNING.

From an attachment parenting perspective, we also do not look at the small child as being “defiant” or “naughty.”  We look at what the child might be feeling underneath the behavior being displayed.  We look at what we can modify in the environment.  We look at how we can calmly guide the child in the situation. 

We look at this in Waldorf as well, it is just in Waldorf we tend not to ask as many questions of the child because we feel words may not be the best way to communicate with the small child who is living in the BODY. We try to communicate through movement, through fantasy, through song and verse.  This changes as the child grows!  It does not last forever!

With both Waldorf and attachment parenting, we strive to look at NORMAL developmental behavior.  A three, four and five ear old, even a six-year-old may throw themselves on the floor, throw an object, scream and cry.  Dressing themselves with only a reminder comes in at the AVERAGE age of five.  If you are having trouble with a specific age, please, please use the tags sidebar and click on the age that is problematic right now to you:  the three-year-old, the-four-year-old, etc etc.  Four and six seem to be ages that give parents the MOST trouble.  There are many posts specifically geared to these ages.

If you feel you are having difficulty with changing your mindset from a punitive, punishment, my –child –is –wrong –and- I –am –right- mindset with a small child, this is not going to get you going anywhere great.  Here are some posts to help you!

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/17/raising-peaceful-children/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/16/mindful-parenting-practices-that-every-parent-should-know/

and my personal favorite regarding how we create battlefields where we and our children are on opposite sides:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/22/the-battlefield-of-the-mind-anger-and-parenting/

This is about realistic expectations for toddlers and includes the different disciplinary styles of families:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/10/tripping-into-the-toddler-years/

If you are still saying, well, but MY child does this and i have no tools, I urge you to call your local La Leche League Chapter or Attachment Parenting Chapter.  Many times the Leaders there can help you troubleshoot discipline issues and challenges over the phone and give helpful, gentle suggestions!  They may also have special meetings geared JUST to gentle discipline.

Gentle discipline does NOT mean not setting boundaries, but we try to do it in a way that respects the child’s developmental stage, keep the child’s dignity intact and guide the child.  Here are examples of ways to set limits for toddlers in gentle ways with consideration for the child:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/11/common-toddler-challenges-and-how-to-solve-them/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/09/potty-training-with-love/

 THE THREE YEAR OLD:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/19/peaceful-life-with-a-three-year-old/

THE FOUR YEAR OLD:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/03/more-about-the-four-year-old/   and this one:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/07/peaceful-life-with-a-four-year-old/

THE FIVE YEAR OLD:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/23/peaceful-living-with-the-six-year-old/

THE SIX YEAR OLD:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/23/peaceful-living-with-the-six-year-old/

THE SEVEN YEAR OLD:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/19/peaceful-living-with-your-seven-year-old/

and for the big picture, some tools:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/29/top-10-must-have-tools-for-gentle-discipline/

We set boundaries, but many times we often deal with things indirectly!  Here is an example a mom sent in, and here is how I might have handled that:

(This is a four-year-old):  The situation was this: 

This morning, she wanted to sit in our car-daddy got in & drove away to work -she pitched a fit, threw a little car she was holding. I told her she may not throw her toys. So she threw a little soft toy she was holding with her other hand. So I told her to sit down right where she was. “i will not sit down’ hmmm. So I say, you may stay put until you sit down & carried on with the skipping game with her older sister. Eventually she sat down.

What was the feeling of the little girl?  Perhaps she wanted her daddy to stay home, perhaps she just wanted to play in the car but daddy needed to go right then, perhaps she just wanted to try out pretending to go to work with daddy.  Let’s attribute positive intent!

Maybe I would have said, “You really wanted to go to work today!  Did you know that even animals go to work?  Once upon a time, there was  a frog who really wanted to go to work too, but he couldn’t jump!  (take chalk and draw two lines, I assume this situation happened in the driveway or the garage to involve a car??).  Can you be a frog and show me how to hop over these two lines?”

Perhaps I would have said, “Oh, I see cars on the floor!  Maybe they need a road! “ and get out something to draw or build a road.

Perhaps I would have said, “Wow, I really could use your help! I can’t figure out how many times in a row your sister can skip!  Maybe we could count together?”

Perhaps she needed a snack and then we put the toy cars back in the garage together!

Those are just some examples of an indirect way to approach things; distraction is a very viable tool even up through age 7 and we often forget!  Restitution is also VERY important, but we cannot force restitution in the moment of flooding emotion, we must calm down and go back to it.  Forcing the child to do “X” when they are upset and you are upset is not a productive learning tool; a sincere opportunity exists for learning when the flooded moment has passed.  But this is still through action, not so many words!

Hope these thoughts are helpful and many blessings on your day as you become the peaceful parent you want to be!

Lots of love,

Carrie

An Iron Fist or A Feather?

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I know  many mothers who believe that being the Queen of Their Home means essentially micro-managing every single thing in their home.  Answering every single question or word uttered by their child.  It means managing not only homeschooling, the chores around the home, but the people as well – Dad, the children, the dog.

I believe if you are the Queen of Your Home, you will rule more gently than that!  A rhythm is not a micro-managed schedule – it is an order, but it does not preclude stopping for warmth, love, hugs and kisses and fun!  It does not involve hovering over each member of the family, but it does involve Loving Accountability for the children.

How many of us have done this with their older children?

Mother:  Please pick your clothes up off the floor!

Child:  In a minute, I have to go to the bathroom!

Mother:  Okay, when you come out of the bathroom, please pick up your clothes.

(Child running around and jumping on other siblings)

Mother:  Come and pick up your clothes please!

(Child wrestling with dog and building jump for dog out of pillows)

Mother:  Are you sure you flushed?  Can you come and pick up these clothes now as I asked?

Big sigh here.

Loving Accountability for the child under the age of 7 would be to do the activity with the child to help them be on task.  For example, on average, a child begins to dress himself with reminders at age 5- this is the average age!  An average age to dress himself without reminders or help needed is age 10!

So, step number one would be to be familiar with normal developmental expectations!  Is what you asking reasonable?  What age is your child?  Is your child under the age of 7?    Step number two would be to understand you cannot be a verbal-only parent with a child under the age of 7.  Step number three would be to realize that you are doing a disservice for your child over the age of 7 by consistently micro-managing what you ask them to do.  Say it once, help the child if it is a new task and they need to learn, break it down into steps with them, practice it together  over a period of time and when they have it the task down give them ownership of it.  If the clothes are not picked up the floor, oh dear,  I guess I can read you the chapter of this book when the clothes jump into that drawer!  Not a punishment there, just a gentle prod of ownership and Loving Accountability.

You can have a wonderful rhythm to your day where the family helps participate in the loving care of the home!  Put away The Iron Fist and live with the notion of Loving Accountability and a light-as- a-feather touch.  A Queen should never be ruffled in her own castle!

Quiet confidence in parenting is a great strength!  Test yourself this week:  what expectations do I have?  Are they reasonable?  Am I ruling with An Iron Fist or a Feather?  Am I exuding quiet confidence and holding the space with quiet calmness or am I completely exasperated?  If you feel calm and confidence, this will decrease your anger as a parent.

This week in your inner work, see if you can ponder the images of An Iron Fist or A Feather.  See if you can understand that while many times we become angry in parenting, we can also choose to back up the train and respond with calmness and confidence if we keep in mind normal developmental expectations, the developmental needs and responsiveness of children under and over 7, how to assist an older child in learning a task, and giving them ownership and accountability.  Being mindful in the face of stress is an area of practice and focus for many of us!

May your touch be as light as a feather this week in your home,

Carrie

Is Your Home A Sanctuary?

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If you have small children and read this blog, you know the mantra I have regarding the need to entrench your small children firmly in the home and the need for us as parents to be careful about establishing rhythm at home and being happy in the home before we start adding many outside errands or activities.  Part of Waldorf in our homes is learning and practicing many practical life skills for the small child to see and emulate – and how can we do this if we are not home?

One thing to consider with being home is our physical environment.  We probably all have areas of our homes we would like to improve, but being home does not mean we need to have an expensive house or furnishings to be happy.

One of the first things one can do to improve the physical beauty of the home is to seriously look at the amount of stuff and clutter in the home and pare it all down.  Many folks are first attracted to Waldorf because of all those beautiful wooden toys – interesting that Steiner often discussed how the best toys were extremely simple and homemade, and yet we have this cottage industry of many, many toys.  Pare down your toys, the amount of clothes your kids have and how many things you have.  Your small home will seem spacious!

The second thing may be to consider unusual uses of space.  I currently have a lovely school room in my dining room area and my dining room in a sunroom area.  The dining room is more contained for homeschooling (ie, can’t see it from the front door when you walk in) and the sunroom area is larger and visible directly from the front door.  Our breakfast nook area off the kitchen is a also now a playroom to keep the children close whilst I cook or clean.

Paint is something to consider as well.  The right shade of paint can really warm a room and make it inviting.  Evaluate your furniture as well – if you painted this piece of furniture or changed the drawer pulls, would it look totally different?  Many times this is just as good as getting new furniture!  Can you reupholster anything? 

Rugs, curtains and pillows are last.  If you can sew, that is so helpful but even if you cannot, perhaps you can find wonderful thrift store bargains.  Can you take down the blinds and clean them all before you put up new curtains?

Then look at the outside of your house.  Does it need painting?  Pressure washing? Mulch?  Is the front entry inviting? If you enter through the garage can you walk through the garage?  Does the garage need painting?

This is a lot about the physical environment because I think when we are home all day the physical clutter, cleanliness and appearance of our homes can really affect how we feel!

Of course, the most important aspect of the home is the aspect of ensoulement.  Is your home a happy place to be?  A place where your children feel most calm and peaceful? Is it a warm and friendly place?  Is is a place where if a relative fell asleep on the sofa that would be okay and even welcomed?  Does your home attract people to want to come and be in it?

Happy cleaning!

Carrie

A Few Resources For The Nine-Year-Change

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I got an email this morning from Rahima Baldwin Dancy regarding resources for the nine-year change and since it was so timely I  thought I would pass the suggestions onto all of  you:

First of all, I have mentioned this article in other posts on this blog but here is the link again for the free article regarding the nine-year-change:  http://www.waldorfinthehome.org/2005/01/parenting_the_nine_year_old.html. 

I have passed that article on to many parents, Waldorf and non-Waldorf alike!

I love Daena Ross and her presentation on the 12 senses.  Here is one I have not heard but will be checking out soon:  her  workshop on “The Nine-Year Change”.  It  is available in CD format for only $12.50 plus shipping at http://www.waldorfinthehome.org/2007/07/the_nineyear_change.html.

And finally, Rahima writes,  “If you have a daughter who is approaching (or in the midst of) puberty, I highly recommend signing on for our free tele-seminar with DeAnna L’am, author of Becoming Peers—Mentoring Girls into Womanhood. On Tuesday, Oct. 6th I will be interviewing DeAnna, who was a keynote speaker at our last conference in California, “Educating Our Children—Changing the World.”  If you are a mother, grandmother, stepmother, aunt or any woman with a special girl in her life, you won’t want to miss this discussion of ways to prepare yourself for her puberty and ways to lay a foundation for lifelong friendship with your daughter.  If you can’t make the live interview at 1:00 pm Pacific Time on Tuesday, Oct 6th, you can still sign up to receive the free recording.  To learn more, or to sign up, click on http://www.deannalam.com/deannalam_020.htm.”

Other audio resources include the CDs of Betty Staley’s keynote, “It’s Never too Early to Prepare for Adolescence”  (which I have the CD of and really should review on this blog!  Boy, so many things to cover and so little time!).  William Bento’s workshop, “Adolescence: A Grail Journey of the Heart.”   I am not familiar with William Bento, but it may be worth checking out.  Rahima advises just entering  their last names into the search engine at www.waldorfinthehome.com.

Hope that helps some of you!  Happy Friday!

Carrie