Waldorf In The Home With The Three- And Four- Year Old

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Well, this is the controversial post of the day, mainly because I disagree with some of the typical Waldorf School Kindy activities for home for these ages.  🙂  I wrote about the one-and two-year old here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/06/waldorf-in-the-home-with-the-one-and-two-year-old/    and today we are going to move on to the three-and four-year old.

If you need a refresher as to where the three-year-old is developmentally, please see here:https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/19/peaceful-life-with-a-three-year-old/  and here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/18/three-year-old-behavior-challenges/.   For the four-year-old .please see here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/08/discipline-for-the-four-year-old/

I am going to depart from so many of the hallowed and sacred texts of Waldorf, and tell you that Waldorf “homeschooling” (I really dislike that term!  How about just living?) for a three-and four-year-old looks a bit different at home than in the classroom.  This is especially true for those three and four-year olds who are the OLDEST in their families.

I think this much is true in both the  environments of Waldorf at Home and Waldorf at school though: the work of the three- and four-year-old is play. Play, fantasy and being outside.  These are the true things one needs to be working with on a child of this age. Mothers often write me and feel they should be worried about handwork projects, wet on wet painting and other things.  I say worry about the quality of your child’s play ( if you feel like worrying!), and think of ways to stimulate that if you feel the need to be “doing something” outside of the rhythms and things we talked about for the one and two year old.

For the one and two year old here are the things I mentioned as being important, with some added notes to build on for the three-and four- year old.

Bodily care, toileting or diaper changes, is HUGE. I cannot stress this enough.  Times for bodily care should involve love, their involvement, singing and joy.  This is still big for a three and four year old.  Your four year old is not at school and being expected to wipe themselves independently after a bowel movement, this is home, and these bodily care situations still deserve time, attention and dignity.

Meal times.  Again, unhurried, unrushed, singing, having your child help with preparation and clean-up.  Use your meal time now to start working in things to develop their movement – kneading bread, using a rolling pin, sweeping the kitchen floor, scrubbing a countertop, etc.

Nap times/Rest Times.  Sing lullabies, have a blanket that is special for sleeping, have a routine involving physical touch of gentle massage or foot rub.

It can be very hard with a three or four year old who has stopped napping, but shooting for some time that is quiet is a great goal.  They may not be able to do it on their own (although some will happily play with a play scenario you have set up), but that may be a time to read a story, a time to tell a story, a time to sing soft songs whilst massaging their hands or feet, and just dim the lights and be together and rock in the rocking chair for a bit.  You may also catch some down time for yourself at this time or during outside time if your child gets engaged.

Bath times.  Singing, finger plays and toe plays, gentle rub downs with the towel (those textures again)

Outside time.  This is the time to think of some creative things for outside.

Being outside is of extreme importance and to provide opportunities for physical movement outside. No going outside to just sit there!  If your child is a reluctant woodsperson, try some of the following suggestions:

  • Make a “carpet” by laying down sticks in squares and then filling in the squares with things the child can find.
  • Find the natural objects to make plates, forks, spoons, for a fairy feast
  • Make pinecone people by getting a pinecone and decorating with leaves, small twigs by pushing the objects into the pinecone.
  • Show your child how to rub their chins with flowers and see if they like butter, how to make flower chains, how to take the caps off acorns, how to grate dry leaves into dust and powder, how to roll a snowball and look for tracks of fairies and giants in the snow.
  • Get them things to lug, tug, push, pull, dig.
  • Play in the sand and in the mud, make mud pies, hunt for worms and bugs.
  • For other suggestions, please see these  posts:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/25/nature-day-number-8-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-mother/  and this one:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/24/connecting-your-children-to-nature/

Participation in household life.  Your very gesture is so important, it should not be you rushing around trying to get the whole house clean in one day.  It is taking each article of laundry and smoothing it out, folding it tenderly, putting it in the pile to be put away with love for your family. What is important is not only that the child sees the work being done, but imitates that gesture of love and care.  That extends into caring for plants and animals, this is the very first “environmental education” that a child gets with you, right at home.

To this we add the thought that physical work is very important, not only outside, but inside as well.  Can your wee one help you wash lettuce?  Peel carrots?  Peel an apple? Grind wheat? Knead bread?  These experiences are the first form of handwork for the young child.

Music – as mentioned many times, music and rhymes and verses should take precedence at this point over any written word.

Inner Work/Personal Parenting Development:  The most spiritually mature people should be the ones coming into contact with the youngest children.  This is a very important time for your own work and  development.  If you are anxious, practice being calm.  If you are impatient, practice being patient.  If you talk in a stream of conscious way, practice being silent.  This is a time to develop your spiritual and religious beliefs.  It is a time to become more aware of the things unseen.

And to this list we now add a few things:

1.  We work on building up the first four of the twelve senses:

The Sense of Touch: Holding, cuddling, taking baths together, swimming, piggy back rides, games that involve holding hands and singing, wrestling and roughhousing, tickling games if your child likes that, rolling around on the floor together,  being outside in nature, natural materials to touch and play with and wear

The Sense of Life:  RHYTHM, humor and joy!

The Sense of Movement:  crawling, any sustained movement over time such as learning to ride a bike or swim,

The Sense of Balance: RHYTHM again, swinging, rolling,

2.  PLAY.  This is the time to encourage play.  A reader brought up in another post’s comments that her three year old liked to play “fireman” and she wondered how much detail to go into about why fireman wear what they wear, etc.  I would say it is our job to “unstick” our children’s play if they are stuck.  So, in this example, if all this little boy could do is sit on the sofa and make the noise of a siren, I would set up something where “Fireman Bob” now got a call to go and rescue a cat up in a tree (a stuffed cat on a bookshelf) and now we must check the kitty and oh, the kitty is fine, but whoa, now the firetruck needs gas and let’s check that tire out and then you slowly back out of the play until your child is playing by himself or herself for a few minutes.

It is our job to help advance their play through setting up play scenarios and helping the child become “unstuck.”  You can see the back posts on fostering creative play and the progression of play by age and suggested toys.

3. Preparation for Festivals. This is a great time to help children participate by DOING, not explaining in words.  There are lots of posts on this blog about individual festivals.  Our next one is Candlemas, there is one you can start with!

4.  Art – okay, here is where I differ a bit.

  • Painting –  I still think three and four is young for wet on wet watercolor painting.  Wet on wet watercolor painting should, to me at least, have a very quiet, contemplative and meditative quality.  It can be done, but I think it is more successful when there are older children about to help carry this meditative mood of experiencing with color.  I know many will disagree, but thought I would throw it out there.  I know it is not especially “Waldorf school style”, but I am all for fingerpainting at these ages.  So politically incorrect, I know.:)
  • Coloring with crayons – I know many three and four year olds who would just make a scribble and run off.  Again, I think three and four year olds are still really interested in developing gross motor skills and I know every child is different and some will love this, but many do not, especially without that group to carry it.
  • Carding wool – can be a hit as it is repetitive sensory movement.  You can buy fleece to wash and dry and card it with little dog brushes.  This is great.
  • Sanding wood might be good as well.  Any thoughts?
  • Modeling – I like the idea of modeling with sand, salt dough, snow, kneading bread.  I think beeswax modeling is for older children myself.  Again, this differs from Waldorf school.
  • Sewing – I know Marsha Johnson talks about having the three year old who can sew little felt shapes or whathave you for festivals, but I also know handwork teachers who would disagree with having a three or four year old hand sewing. I think this one is up to you!
  • Finger knitting – again, I think better for the five and six year old.
  • Other Arts and Crafts – some can be successful, especially in preparation for a festival, but I think for the  most part recommendations in books such as “Earthways” the age range is always put lower than what I would put it.  Why be in such a rush to do all this?

5.  Storytelling and Puppetry – If you have not had a time where you light a candle and tell a story, now is the time to begin.  Pick a story, memorize it, and tell it at least three days a week for two weeks to a month.  Simple nature tales, stories you make up, repetitive fairy tales such as The Mitten, The  Gingerbread Man, stories from Suzanne Down’s books, can all be used.   I especially like the stories with music in them if you can read music and sing.

Circle Time is the heart of the Waldorf Kindergarten, but can be a complete flop at home.  I love the book “Movement Journeys and Circle Adventures” (use  the search engine box to find the review), but at home it can really flop.  Still, I think it is worth a try if you can convince your four-year-old to “teach” your younger child, LOL.  Still stick to the verses and songs you have in daily life, and add seasonal fingerplays and seasonal songs.

Other questions parents have?  What to do about the four year old who is writing?  Wanting to write their name or copy words is still different than formal academics, so just being very ho-hum and not worrying about it is the way to go.  Colors are on the nature table and you can point out an orange pumpkin that is round and  not feel bad your child is “being exposed.”  Again, a bit different than formal academics.  Many of the verses and rhymes for childhood have numbers in them, or letters, and that is okay. Again, different than formal academics.

Social experiences outside the home can still be limited.  I wrote about social experiences with the four-year-old here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/09/more-about-social-experiences-for-the-four-year-old/

and took some grief about this post, but I still feel about things the same way as when I wrote it.   You can agree or disagree, and take what resonates with you.

I am sure I am forgetting things about these ages and Waldorf in the Home, but hopefully it is a good start for you as you think about these ages.  Again, take what resonates with you.

Many blessings and peace,

Carrie

More About Time-In for Tinies

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I cannot stand time out for small children.  You can see some back posts related to that discussion here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/23/discipline-without-distress-chapter-four/    and here:   https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/20/why-should-i-consider-time-in-instead/  

I am all for a ‘time-out” for the mother if the mother needs it to pull herself together though, so please don’t misinterpret the fact that I do think both parties need some time to pull themselves together.  However, dragging a  child in the heat of the moment to sit in a chair for one minute for each year of age seems to not accomplish much.  A child is not going to  think like an adult, and sit there and reflect on what has happened and how they can make it better.    (I am also all for objects going into time-out!  “Hmm, I see those scissors chasing your sister’s braids around the room.  I think they need a break!”  :))

Someone recently commented to me though, that “time-in” didn’t seem to work very well either ; trying to hold a kicking and thrashing child who is trying to hit for time-in just doesn’t work well.

You are correct, dear reader, and I hear mothers everywhere sighing relief at this notion.  Thank you for bringing it up because I have more to say!

Some children do not respond well to any sort of “containment” when they are upset.  What this situation sounds like is more of “How does one handle a temper tantrum?”

So here are Carrie’s Rules For Handling Temper Tantrums in all their glory, and please do take what resonates with you. Every child is different and you know your child best! 

1.  You must be calm yourself and  not lay down on the floor next to your child and have a temper tantrum.  Collect yourself and breathe!  Take your own time-out if you need to!   You must be the warm and friendly wall your child can bounce off of, because your child is scared and doesn’t want to be out of control. 

2.  You must not be so, so, so connected toward trying to get the child to stop.  The child is in a flood of emotion, a torrent of emotion, and sometimes all that can happen at first is that the emotions must come out.  And because a three or four year old is tiny (a good age for sitting on laps!), the emotion comes out in this “immature” way of a temper tantrum (although, seriously, isn’t an adult slamming a door or putting their fist down on a table the equivalent of an adult temper tantrum?)   Aletha Solter writes about this torrent of emotion here:  http://www.awareparenting.com/tantrums.htm  I don’t always agree with everything she says, but I think many of her points are valid. 

3.  Move the child if the child is hurting your property or you or himself.  I like outside on the grass if it is possible to get there.  More on this below.

What can you do if your child is hitting you and kicking you?  You move, of course, but I do know some children that need to be held even through their hitting and kicking and such.  Only you can determine what works best for your child and what brings your child peace at that moment.  My own children never liked being held during a temper tantrum, at least not until some of the torrent of emotion was released.

Outside can be a safer place if you have grass.

4. The best thing often to do is to be nearby but also doing something repetitive, like folding something, etc.    I know that sounds awful, and  I am not suggesting you completely ignore your child, but a little bit of not looking is okay if you know your child can’t hurt himself or herself.  The rationale here is to provide the child some reassurance that Mommy is still here, Mommy loves you, and the rhythm and beauty of life are right here and even though you don’t feel well right now, you will feel better in a minute.  That is what must be in your very gesture and in your very soul, your belief that this will be okay in a moment,  as you are nearby and ready to help. 

Some children do respond well if they are having a giant temper tantrum and all eyes are on them and a parent tries to rub their back, but I have known many who really did just need to crawl under the table and get it out.  No shame in that, but you are not allowed to talk them through it all and intrude on it if they just need to get it out! 

I know this is different than what many mainstream parenting articles say, but I am only telling you what has worked for me and for so many of the families I have worked with and observed.  Telling Johnny in the middle of this torrent of emotion, “You are sad because you wanted a cookie and it’s near dinner time and you can’t have a cookie but maybe you can have a cookie later…”  just doesn’t seem helpful for the moment.  Johnny can’t even hear  you right now as emotion pours out of every pore.

We can be so uncomfortable with our children’s tears or anger, but why?  These are emotions that are every bit as valid as happiness and joy.  They are not our emotions either, we are separate from our child.

4. When things subside a bit, perhaps then you can gently rub a child’s back, hold the child and rock and connect through touch with not so many words.  This is the time-in part – instead of sending your child away for a “time out”, connect with that beautiful and small child and have a time-in.

5.  Some children who have very long temper tantrums and who can’t seem to come out of it themselves well may need to be scooped up and you both go outside.  Sometimes it just seems that change in scenery, soft grass, makes the world a better place.  You stay nearby too!  Some children do need your physical help to come back into themselves, and so only you can experiment with holding your child at what point during the temper tantrum. 

Some children who are at the edge of being done with a temper tantrum but not ready to be held or looked at do well with you telling a story to your dog, to your plant, to your fish (just not directly to your child, LOL).  I used to tell a lot of stories to our giant Leonberger about when she was a puppy and then the child would chime in (eventually) with this or that…

Changing the scene can be important in public as well.  Be prepared to abandon your shopping cart if you are out, or be okay with going out to the car or yard if you are at a friend’s house or whathave you.

6. Once the temper tantrum is over, get your child something to eat!  Their blood sugar will be low.

7.  You  don’t need to go back and verbally re-hash with your child what caused the tantrum, unless there is something the child needs to do to make restitution.  It seems as though many tantrums are over things that are actually small and happen because the child is tired, hungry, thirsty, over-stimulated.  The hunger, thirst, over-stimulation is the NEED that needs to be fixed, the NEED underneath the behavior.  Unfortunately, you cannot fix it in the middle of the torrent of emotion.

8.   If your child is a consistent temper tantrum mess, check out the physical and emotional things going on…. Getting molars?  Getting sick? Getting enough sleep?  Napping enough?  Going too many places?  Parents stressed?  Family life changes?  Are they eating enough?  That is your job to figure out.  Parenting is always a bit of detective work!

Tantrums will eventually calm down, some children seem to have the height of them at ages 3 or 4 (some at age 2)….Like so many other things in parenting, this too shall pass. 

Hope that helps,  please take what resonates with you!

Carrie

The Magic of Three Kings’ Day!

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I hope everyone had a wonderful Three Kings Day last week!  We certainly did!  I wanted to get this post out about Three Kings’ Day last week, but you all know about life with a baby, so here it is now for future planning. (By the way, here is my post from last year about this festival:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/07/three-kings-day/)

This is a holiday I just love,and there are many traditions surrounding this day (known as Three Kings Day, Epiphany or The Feast of  Theophany, depending upon what country you live in and what religious traditions you follow) and the night before (known as Twelfth Night).  There is more about all the different customs here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epiphany_(holiday)

Christians celebrate is that on the 12th night after the birth of Jesus, the Three Kings were led by a star to find Him in Bethlehem.  They brought gifts of frankincense, gold and myrrh.  This night marks the end of the Christmas season, and is also traditionally the time to take down the Christmas tree and all decorations (although some traditions do leave the Christmas greenery up until Candlemas on February second).

Many families make a cake for Twelfth Night, with a bean or pea tucked inside it for a little Queen or King to find! In England, Twelfth Night is a festive time for merriment and good cheer! (Wassail is a beverage associated with this night as well).

In Germany, children dress up as the Three Kings and go from house to house to collect money for a charity (and usually get a sweet or two for themselves and their fine singing!)  In Scandinavian countries, there may be a procession of singers led by “Star Singers” that move from house to house.  Russian children wait for Mama Babouschka to fill their shoes with gifts, as children in Spain wait for gifts from the Three Magi.  Italian children wait for Old Befana to bring gifts as well.  French families typically share a Kings’ Cake.

The day after Twelfth Night is Epiphany.  Epiphany is actually one of the very oldest Christian festivals.  Besides the Three Kings, also celebrated is  the Baptism of  Jesus and The  Divine Manifestation of the Holy Trinity and the Revelation of Jesus to Man.  There were some great pictures of people celebrating The Feast of Theophany (as the Orthodox church calls it), where waters are blessed and some people around the world plunge into cold waters in remembrance of this special day.  See here for the pictures for this special blessing of the waters:    http://sttheophanacademy.blogspot.com/2010/01/theophany.html

In some parts of Europe, it is customary to incense your house and cleanse it for this time.  One then writes above the front door in chalk C+M+B flanked by the year (so for this year it would look like this:  20+C+M+B+10).  The C,M,B can stand for the Three Kings themselves:   Caspar, Melchior and Balthazar, although many of German friends say the C,M,B stands for “Christ Bless This Home” or a variant of that.

If you are wondering about the Three Kings, the authors of “All Year Round” write, “In the Gospel story we hear about Wise Men guided by a star; they are never referred to as kings, nor is it said that there are three of them.  An unknown but powerful tradition has transformed these sages (the “Magoi” were Persian priests of the Zarathustrian religion) into three kings, representing them as young, middle-aged and old, and sometimes of three different races:  the African, the Caucasian, and the Asiatic.  They have also been given names:  Caspar, Melchior and Balthazar.”

In Ireland, Epiphany was a day known as “Women’s Christmas” or “Little Christmas”, celebrated with a special meal of sandwiches and little cakes.  Ruth Marshall, author of “Celebrating Irish Festivals:  Calendar of Seasonal Celebrations” comments that “The stable/crib however remains in place, with the three kings there now, until St. Brigit’s Day.”  So for those of you who have Three Kings that have traveled all around the room to get to the Infant Jesus, take note that these things can remain until Candlemas time!

So, what are some fun ways you could celebrate Twelfth Night and Three Kings Day in your family?

1.  You could bake a cake – either a Kings’ Cake or make the Epiphany Cake on page 242 of “All Year Round” or the “Galette des Rois” on page 154 of “Festivals Family and Food.”  You could also make wassail or some sort of spiced cider.

2.  You could make Twelfth Night a night of games and merriment in your family, complete with riddles to solve, puzzles, games.

3. You could take down your Christmas Tree and all greenery.  In “All Year Round”, the authors suggest “If the Tree disappears from the house mysteriously overnight, the place where it stood will appear less empty if a bowl of sprouting crocus or hyacinth bulbs are found there – a token of springtime yet to come.”

4. You could remember Three Kings Day in a quiet way and read the Gospel accounts of the Three Kings, perform a play as a family, and sing songs special to the occasion.  You could also tell a story – the Legend of the Baboushka, or “An Epiphany Story of the Tree” on page 157 of “Festivals Family and Food”.

5.  You could prepare for Plough Monday, the Monday after Epiphany.  This used to be the official start to ploughing in England, and is often seen as a general “clean up” day to officially end the Christmas season.

Blessings,

Carrie

“The Parenting Passageway” –Now In Spanish!

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See here for the first post my friend Fabiola has translated!  I am so excited!  http://fabiolaperezsitko.blogspot.com/2010/01/eres-un-padre-enojon.html

Fabiola, thank you for translating this for all of my Spanish-speaking readers!

Many blessings,

Carrie

How I Love Babies!

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Especially this little guy!

Kaj 1

Many blessings on this beautiful Sunday!

Carrie

Can Waldorf Work With Other Homeschooling Methods?

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Yes, I do know mothers who do Waldorf with other methods, or employ the use of  a Main Lesson Book with other homeschooling methods and certain subjects.

But, I have several questions for you if this is something you would like to consider, and please do read this whole post and keep an open mind.  This is meant in a spirit of love and support, with questions for you to ponder and meditate on, not a “yes or no” answer.

1.  How well do you serve two masters?   I don’t mean this in a snarky way at all, I am asking you to consider and ponder this!   Something in your homeschool really does need to predominate I think or it can make one a little batty trying to do “the full monty” of all the methods you pick and still have a family life that is joyous and fun!  You absolutely can deviate away from the Waldorf curriculum if you feel it is appropriate for your child, (especially I think once your child is over the age of nine),  but our first impulse in the home environment for the younger child would see if we could satisfy the child’s need for things in small steps first.

For example, the four-year-old who wants to write letters.  We might try to see if the child could be happier doing typical Waldorf Kindergarten things, (ie, redirect)  and if that does not work OVER TIME (not just the first time I try!), I have had no problem teaching my four-year-old little girls how to write their first name.  They love that, it usually is all they really want to know regarding letters at this point and off they go to play.  The other example would be the six-year-old Kindergartner who wants a Main Lesson Book like the big brothers and sisters.  So they get a Main Lesson Book, they draw something in it, and then they are tired of it and go off to play.  The eight-year-old girl who wants to sew (sewing machines typically come in during the Eighth Grade) – can they be happy with hand sewing, with learning how to embroider by hand, and then perhaps yes, we look at a machine, but we do this with conscious knowing we are deviating from Waldorf indications.   How about the ten-year-old boy fascinated by paleontology? 

Start in small steps because of time and money and interests can change quickly!  It is WONDERFUL  to approach a child’s interest with interest and support, but also with a mindful pattern and way to proceed in order to  meet that interest!  Children try a lot of different interests on , and not all have to be met with the same intensity!    Can we work with that in smalls steps as we proceed?  We gauge how intense the interest is, because sometimes small things satisfy and sometimes they don’t.   And if the child eventually, over time, needs “more” or we do decide to deviate from the typical Waldorf indications it  is okay, but we bring a MINDFULNESS to it, and we try SMALL STEPS first. 

By the same token, if a child is not ready, we have the luxury of waiting in the home environment.  Many of you know the saga of my now second-grade daughter who is a knitting fool who could not seem to touch knitting needles in the first grade without tears starting.  She wasn’t ready, and we dropped it and did other forms of handwork, came back to it in Second Grade and boy, was she ready.

2. Why do you want to employ other methods?  Seriously, dig down, and see what is holding you back from only using Waldorf.  Bring a mindfulness to this, and meditate on it.  Steiner homeschooling is PHILOSOPHY driven; we do things for the development of the child and the ENTIRE curriculum builds on each thing during the year and during subsequent years. The curriculum is laid out in such a way that really, really, in my experience, speaks to the child.  The child will often ask to study a certain subject that you are coming up to!  It really is uncanny!   Steiner was an astute observer of children, what children needed, what the human being was and needed to develop.  Waldorf Education speaks to that.

In contrast, I see parents of other methods searching for the “best” reading program, the “best” math  program, trying to find that logical progression so there are  no “gaps”.  Waldorf has this already in place, time tested!  It all builds on itself. 

So what is holding you back?

As a related digression, not only are many countries starting academics later, but many are also spending less time in the classroom than the  average United States public school (or some of the homeschooling families I see!!) student.  My German friends tell me that in Germany students have about 15 hours of school a week (they go in the morning, go home for lunch and that is it)  until the sixth grade when they do return to school after lunch for an hour or so of further instruction.   More hours and jamming more facts down their throats in the Early Years and the Early Grades does not necessarily equate to increased knowledge, the ability to problem-solve or a love of learning. 

4. Is it that you want to be “eclectic”?  What exactly does that mean to you?  There are beautiful things in every method, I think, but sometimes we just cannot do it all and remain sane.  This is a lesson in life we also need to show our children, especially in this day and age:  you can’t have it all, you can’t do it all, sometimes you must choose a path and take it!   As homeschooling  mothers, our number one priority has to be our family life and they joy that is there, along with providing our children with an excellent education that will guide our children into becoming educated adults who are kind, who are loving, who are compassionate and who can also problem-solve, find information, and handle the stresses of modern life. 

I feel Waldorf Education in the home environment prepares children to do just that.    There are similarities in subject matter  between Waldorf and other methods in some ways, for example, as the child hits 5th grade and starts Ancient History. But even then there are extreme differences in how the subjects are presented.  The Waldorf teacher looks at a time period and we cover history through these scenes that BEST typify a historical time period and/or historical person in our Main Lesson Block.  We teach in a three-day rhythm, we teach and use sleep as an educational aid.  Most of all, we teach through art – art is not an “added in” subject, but the way through which we teach as part of that three-day rhythm.

The Early Years and the first few grades  probably pose the most problems for people, but from what I have seen is that many of the children who start academic work in the Early Years (particularly those little girls who want to start and fly ahead) end up with problems around eight or nine because they are just burned out.  They missed the experience of DOING  things, and the parents went “abstract” too quickly.  Children need a solid foundation in the things that they know, the things they experience every day, things that are real to them!  The concrete!   In my area, for example,  first graders are learning about Teddy Roosevelt – it means absolutely NOTHING to them, they have no historical context to put it in, but they have to know it for some standardized test. 

I am proud to be a Waldorf homeschooling mother, and thrilled my children get to learn this way.  I don’t feel as if my children are missing anything, I feel confident that every academic skill is being covered and that the whole curriculum is complete and my children will be prepared.  We also have plenty of time to spend together as a family in joy and love.

Still not satisfied?  Here is another voice addressing this subject, have a look:  http://waldorfjourney.typepad.com/a_journey_through_waldorf/2009/06/can-waldorf-work-with.html

Happy meditating on this important subject,

Carrie

January Focus On The Home: Meal Planning

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Hi there!  Do you know where your meals are?

A very important part of both La Leche League, Attachment Parenting and Waldorf is a focus on nutrition derived from whole foods.  Waldorf also brings in the concept of warmth through food.

I don’t like to dwell specifically on HOW one should each – that really does make me bonkers and you can see my post when I was ranting about this here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/05/the-mini-rant-discussing-food-with-children-under-the-age-of-7/  , but I do think no matter how one chooses to eat, it should involve mindfulness. 

I will at some point post some things about an anthroposophic view of eating, just for fun, but here are a few things to ponder to help you get organized:

First, do you have a menu plan each week?  If you abhor making your own and making the grocery lists that go with it, here are a few options for dinner:

Do you have a plan for breakfasts, lunches and snacks?  If you say that the first snack of the day always involves the grain of the day or is always cut-up vegetables with a homemade dip, this simplifies meal planning.  If you are searching for the grain of the day and trying to incorporate that into your week, try this back post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/23/steiners-grain-of-the-day/

Melisa Nielsen has a lovely post about her “Snack Tray” here:  http://waldorfjourney.typepad.com/a_journey_through_waldorf/2009/03/behold-the-wisdom-of-the-snack-tray.html

Do have a rhythm as to what day of the week you shop and what you buy when?

For the way we eat, and for those of you who want to eat with whole foods, many times there are no cost-savings coupons available.  I suggest connecting with your local farmers or farmers market and eating what is in season.  I have farmers now to supply any meat my family would eat in bulk, eggs, cheese, raw milk, vegetables and there is a farmer’s market (granted 41 miles away!) where I can buy cases of organic oranges and young coconuts, for example.  Sometimes smaller ethnic grocery stores also have good deals.

If you do shop in a store or at a farm, don’t rush.  This is a great opportunity for your small children to learn in life.  Make a morning of your “market day.”  Too often I see parents rushing through shopping and I wonder why. Nourishing our families in warmth and love should be important enough to teach our children about it in an unhurried manner.

Third, do you have a daily rhythm to how you cook?  I think with small children as much preparation ahead of time is good as many children are not happy around meal time – that witching hour!

Here are some suggestions for dealing with the dinner hour:

  • For those of you who are not eating raw and are cooking things, I suggest using a crock pot for wonderful bean soups and other warm meals.
  • Try feeding the children a small snack whilst you cook.
  • Involve the little ones in your cooking as much as possible – keep your gestures light, warm and loving.  Start dinner early so you have time.
  • Give your children some leftover spices or dough or whathave you to make their own concoctions!
  • Try also setting up a small play scenario near the kitchen so your little ones can weave in and out of work and play.

Please don’t forget that an integral part of cooking is the tender way you wipe the counters down, clean off the cabinets, dry dishes – sing, hum, immerse yourself in the task and your children will see the revernce and love one can find in the ordinary.

Much love,

Carrie

The Waldorf Baby in January

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(This post is geared toward infants/toddlers still using diapers).

This is a great month to focus on your rhythm and interaction with your baby during diaper changing time.  In an interview entitled “Do We Know Why We Do What We Do?  An Interview with Helle Heckmann” by Margaret Ris,  Helle Heckman was asked a question about the process of caring for the young child and  she said, “The whole process of caring for the little child matters.  For instance, with changing diapers, so few use cloth, but instead use the highly effective diapers that eliminate smells.  These diapers can be left on for five or six hours, rather than two hours, so now diapering time, that “You-and-I”, intimate, private time when one talks or sings to the child, is much reduced.”    (to read more about Helle Heckmann’s work at Nokken, please see this post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/31/nokken-a-review-of-two-books-and-a-few-thoughts/)

A few of my thoughts:

  • Change diapers frequently and allow plenty of  time for eye contact, interaction, singing, finger plays and toe plays.  Many  times  the baby is a passive witness to things going on in the home via a sling, but diaper changing time is a time to slow down and interact with that adorable baby!
  • You can take off an old diaper on a child who can stand standing up and then just quickly lay them down to put on a new diaper if an older baby is resistant to diaper changes.
  • Try a beautiful mobile overhead if you have a usual changing space.  You can make charming silk fairies to hang up, or little paper cut figures according to the seasons
  • Pick some wonderful songs that you can sing at diaper changing time and keep them consistent.
  • Older children can enjoy finger plays and toe plays during diaper changing time.
  • Keep in mind your beautiful gestures whilst you are doing this activity.  Honor your child’s body and its function.  Smile, don’t rush, be careful and gentle.  Smooth the diaper out before putting it on, be cheerful whilst reaching for supplies.    Some adults make all kinds of “jokes” about babies and their stool, which really bothers, irritates and angers me because this  is a healthy, normal function.  Why one would  shame a baby over a biological function that is necessary to live and not be sick amazes me.
  • Some folks have asked me about Elimination Communication and Waldorf, and to be honest, I am not sure there is any “official” sort of position on it; to me, if practicing Elimination Communication would fit into the natural rhythm and would not put individual pressure on the individual child, then it would be okay…(Remember, we are not trying to draw children out into their individual consciousness early on, so to me it would just have to  fit into the natural rhythm of things as a family)….  I do know Waldorf mothers who practice EC, and they are far more qualified to speak on this issue than I!   I believe there may also be a subform for Elimination Communication at the Mothering Magazine Forum.
  • If you are interested in cloth diapering (and yes, I know in areas with low water, people may choose not to in order to conserve) here is an article from Mothering Magazine:  http://www.mothering.com/green-living/joy-of-cloth-diapers.  Here is a primer as to the different types of diapers:  http://www.greenmountaindiapers.com/newmom.htm.   There are also pocket diapers out there such as FuzziBunz.   There are many, many kinds of  cloth diapers, and those of us who use cloth usually  have quite a few different types in our homes.  🙂

There are many posts on this blog about the Waldorf Baby,and  each month I will be picking a different area to focus on as a gentle reminder.

Love,

Carrie

Waldorf In The Home With The One- And Two-Year Old

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Sometimes I believe the “Waldorf Toddler Years” are the hardest areas to find information about regarding exact specifics as to what to expect and do, especially in the home environment.  Many of things one reads in the books touted for the Waldorf  Early Years (including Heaven on Earth, Beyond the Rainbow Bridge, etc)  seem to be more for children around age 3 (and I would argue that if your oldest is three and in the home environment with no older children around to imitate, that many of these activities should actually be brought in later than in the Waldorf Kindergarten!  More about that in a later post!)

The two main focus areas for the first two years are walking and speech.  Therefore, things to think about include gross motor movement and speech.  Here are some quick suggestions in these areas:

For those children who are  walking – walking and pushing weighted things, getting something off a table and putting into a bucket repeatedly, something where the child is squatting and then standing up to put things into a container, (and then you can do this with the child standing on a squishy throw pillow), toddling outside in all kinds of weather, squatting to play

For those more advanced walkers – walking on different surfaces in bare feet, stepping over things, going up and down stairs with a small railing, climbing on all four’s over things on the floor (to get into a bear’s cave maybe?), different textures to feel and walk on outside in barefeet if possible

For all ages – massage, water play, fingerplays, toeplays, being swaddled and unswaddled in blankets of different textures,  sitting on a blanket and being pulled around the house on a “Magic Carpet Ride”,

But the point is we approach these things with love and with imagination.  Be silent with warm looks or warm  gestures and do what you want the child to do or set a small scene for the older toddler with a few simple words – a  few words really do suffice!  Use music for your simple scenario.  (“My Big dwarf collecting jewels!” and sing a song about a dwarf or   “My beautiful butterfly just emerged from the cocoon!”  etc.)  

For two year olds working on speech, now YOU need to prepare as they will ask you over and over what something is.  You can answer that in one word, but then pull out a Mother Good rhyme or a song to sing.  That will expand their vocabulary even more and keep you from going into Adult Land with scientific explanations of how fish have gills to breathe and etc, etc.

Other things to work on:

Bodily care, toileting or diaper changes, is HUGE. I cannot stress this enough.  Times for bodily care should involve love, their involvement, singing and joy.

Meal times.  Again, unhurried, unrushed, singing, having your child help with preparation and clean-up.

Nap times/Rest Times.  Sing lullabies, have a blanket that is special for sleeping, have a routine involving physical touch of gentle massage or foot rubs

Bath times.  Singing, finger plays and toe plays, gentle rub downs with the towel (those textures again)

Outside time.  This is another place where verses come in handy.  If a child sees a flower, you can recite Mother Goose’s “DaffaDown Lily”, if they see a goose you can recite “

Participation in household life.  Your very gesture is so important, it should not be you rushing around trying to get the whole house clean in one day.  It is taking each article of laundry and smoothing it out, folding it tenderly, putting it in the pile to be put away with love for your family. What is important is not only that the child sees the work being done, but imitates that gesture of love and care.  That extends into caring for plants and animals, this is the very first “environmental education” that a child gets with you, right at home.

Music – as mentioned many times above, music and rhymes and verses should take precedence at this point over any written word. 

Inner Work/Personal Parenting Development:  The most spiritually mature people should be the ones coming into contact with the youngest children.  This is a very important time for your own work and  development.  If you are anxious, practice being calm.  If you are impatient, practice being patient.  If you talk in a stream of conscious way, practice being silent.  This is a time to develop your spiritual and religious beliefs.  It is a time to become more aware of the things unseen.

Joy!  Having a toddler should be joyful.  This age will never come again, enjoy it and marvel with them at their wonder!

Love,

Carrie

An Emergency How-To: How To Parent Peacefully With Children Under Age 9

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(This post is geared toward those times when you are feeling angry daily with your children, not so much for the occasional angry moments.  This is sort of like “Emergency Management for Chronic Anger”…)

If you are having an emergency in attempting  to parent peacefully, here is a top 10 list of how to do this:

1.  Start with understanding your own triggers for anger.  Write down the things that are “making” you angry.  If every item on that list is child-related, please check and double-check if your expectations are realistic.  Underneath anger are usually other feelings such as fear or sadness.

We are all human, and we do get angry.   Here is a great post about the opportunity that occasional episode of  anger affords children in learning:   http://christopherushomeschool.typepad.com/blog/2008/08/dealing-with-anger.html  , just to remind you that the complete elimination of anger is not a realistic goal, and that occasional anger is normal and even healthy.  The important thing is to show your child constructive ways to deal with anger AND how one can transfor oneself from “Angry Person” back into “Normal Person” without hurting anyone physically or verbally in the process!

2.  Get support.  Find your local La Leche League group here: www.llli.org and find your local Attachment Parenting group here:   http://www.attachmentparenting.org/.   Call these Leaders on the phone and talk to them.  Both La Leche League and Attachment Parenting put loving guidance/gentle discipline as a main philosophical tenet.  Get a family counselor’s assistance as well.  Many health care professionals will work on a sliding fee scale.

3.  Get support from your family, friends and neighbors.  If you are out of control angry everyday with your children, you may need more support right now.  Even the 10 year old down the street who could come and play for an hour with with toddler while you are there could be helpful.  Investigate all possibilities for help.  Call in your friends and explain that you need extra help right now.

4.  Check out what is going on with you and your family members physically.  Is there a physical reason why you are so tired or depressed?  Is there something going on with your child?

5.  Check your environment – visual clutter can wind many children up.  Clean up their sleeping areas to be restful.

6.  Make a list of what you will do to calm down when you are angry and post it somewhere prominent.  There is no problem that cannot wait a moment to be solved, and on top of that, how many problems can be solved anyway with everyone yelling and crying?  That is not a teachable moment.  It is okay to take a moment before you address the situation.    Remember that your role is to teach and to guide your children toward being capable, loving, responsible adults.

7. Check out your food; dyes and preservatives and common allergens can make behavior worse.

8.  Check out the amount of outside active  play your children are getting!  They need to get some energy out before they can sit still.

9.  Check out what you are requesting of your children; particularly with chores, which seem to particularly anger parents, children under 9 need you there to supervise and assist, to show them how to do it.  Children under 7 need to most likely do it with you to have it done to your satisfaction.  Children should be expected to work round the house as part of the family; however, for small children we view the parent working and the child weaving in and out  and then moving into chores that you have helped them to learn over time, and at under 9 they may still need some supervision or they will get distracted by something else along the way.  Check how many times a day you are requesting your children to do something; if it is constant nagging and asking a child to clean up or assist in household chores, that to me is a signal that there 1. Is too many things out in the environment to clean up and/or  2.  is no consistent rhythm to chores on a daily basis or a weekly basis.

Watch what you say to your children!  Use your words like pearls: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/19/using-our-words-like-pearls/

Promote kindness in your home: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/03/kindness-in-your-home/

10.  Learn how to forgive yourself.  See this post for help:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/22/waldorf-guilt/

and this one:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/15/my-kids-deserve-a-different-mother/

Much love and peace to you,

Carrie