The Nine-Year-Old: A Traditional View

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These are some things characteristically associated with nine-year-olds from a traditional standpoint.  For further information, please do see “Your Nine-Year-Old” from The Gesell Institute.  I am a fan of these older books, because I think developmentally they hit the nail on the head many times.  Also, I find that many of their observations dovetail with what Steiner said about different ages.  So, these writings resonate with me as both an attached parent and also as a Waldorf parent, even without an anthroposophic perspective.  I think you will find these things are true about your nine-year-old as well! 

Take a look:

“Perhaps the outstanding characteristic of the Nine-year-old is the fact that the child is emerging from his long, strong preoccupation with his mother (or other caretaking parent).”   (page 1).   Essentially the nine-year-old frequently resents his mother, her demands etc and is looking for increased responsibility and independence.  Nine is a pulling in and a pulling away from mother and other figures of authority.

More anxious, more withdrawn  than an eight-year-old but still has varied interests, driven by time and wanting to do everything but unable to give anything up.  Wants to do things just right.  Takes himself and his interests a bit seriously perhaps.  They have a strong NEED to finish things. 

So, completing tasks are very important.  Competition comes out, but they are also a bit more careful and cautious.  Will estimate something before they dive into it, although still not above complaining about how hard something is.

Lots of social criticism and self-criticism. 

Lots of mood swings, tends to worry and complain. (but not as complaining, moody and morose as age 7).  

“They no longer blame others, at least not as much as they used to.  They want things to be run fairly, and they themselves try to be fair.  The beginning of conscience is in the making.”  (page 6). 

May be impatient and quick to anger, but the anger flare-up typically doesn’t last that long.

Individual characteristics come to the forefront.  “There appear to be tremendous individual differences, seemingly more noticeable here than at many other ages.”  (page 9)

Mother-Child Relations:  Not especially interested in Mother, less disappointed if Mother doesn’t live up to their expectations

Father-Child Relations:  Less involved, less demanding of attention, growing respect for Father and his work

The infallibility of the parent is questioned, questioning whether the rules are right or not, slight withdrawal from the family circle, the child is more interested in their own separateness and independence

The nine-year-old objects to any references to what they liked when they were a little baby, they do not react well to anything they consider patronizing or condescending, they may want distance from their parents in public places.

Increased reliability and maturity are noted.

Typically does well with younger siblings but may fight with siblings close in age.

Friends are very, very important.  The nine-year-old s strongly oriented to a group and identify themselves with their friends.  Forming a “club” is a very nine-year-old kind of thing.

The nine-year-old is very proud of and loves his or her grandparents.

The nine-year-old needs someone to kind of bounce off of and work against at the stages of growing independence and separation.

EATING:  better appetite control than at eight, table manners are improving,

SLEEPING:  Will balk about going to bed if the child feels the bedtime is too early.  “Nine o’clock is a customary bedtime for boys and girls of this age.”  Most children this age need about nine hours of sleep a night.

BATHING and DRESSING:  Most still need to be reminded to brush their teeth or wash their hands.  They typically still throw their clothes on the floor when they take them off, and need to be reminded to hang things up.  Interest in clothing is there, but usually are still okay with whatever Mother picks out in the store and brings home.

HEALTH:  Typically in good  health with quick rebound from illnesses.  May hurt or have to go to the bathroom in related to a disliked task or chore, but parents should still pay attention to mention of the child being uncomfortable because “The Nine-year-old is very much aware of inner symptoms that  he feels when overexerted or strained.”

TENSIONAL OUTLETS:  Fewer at nine than there were at eight.  Boys let off extra energy by wrestling around, girls are more likely to be moody. 

SENSE of SELF:  Most nine=year-olds feel good about themselves and their family, although they may still burst into tears if they feel they have failed

PLAY:   Able to enjoy more competitive games, plays hard; boys tend to like building models or rough housing and girls still tend to like dolls.  Hiking, biking, soccer, ice skating, swimming, sledding, bowling are all liked.  They are apt to do one thing until they are completely fatigued and exhausted.

Most do not believe in Santa Claus by this point.  There is little interest in the Big Questions of faith/deity/God or death.

“Now comes a quantum jump.  Successful fourth-grade work demands a new kind of thinking, a new kind of abstracting, a new way to use information that up  till now may have been more or less memorized.    Teachers recognize this big extra requirement that fourth grade makes of most pupils, but many parents are not aware of it.  Thus many are surprised when their child, successful in school up till now, suddenly runs into unexpected difficulties.  It is is in part because of this extra demand of fourth grade that we warn parents  of the importance of being sure that their children are properly placed, in a grade that meets their basic maturity level, right from the beginning.  This is true because even though he may be overplaced, a bright child from a reasonably good home background can often slide through the first three grades.”  (page 87).

Look for an anthroposophical view of the nine-year-old and discipline tips for the nine-year-old to follow!

Many blessings,

Carrie

HELP! How to Waldorf Homeschool With My Grades and Kindergarten Child?

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Question from the field:

I have an 8 year old second grader and a 5 year old. We all come together for morning lesson and it used to be that my little one had his own work – puzzles, play dough, stringing beads. But recently he has been joining the lesson, drawing the lesson picture into his sketch book, he’s trying out copying letters and he has learned to write his name. He does not want the other work right now. The reality in our home is that there is no separation when I read a second grade story they both listen, when we do second grade work, my 5 year old is right there. It’s been this way since the very beginning. Whatever work or story we’ve been doing for my older son, my younger son is a part of it too. We share our day and I love that! But it sure feels like everything revolves around my older son. I feel guilty! We already include some things in our day that are geared more toward the younger, I guess maybe I should step that up. And I do get little moments in my day to cuddle or play a quick game with my little guy. It’s hard to keep it simple, especially when I think about the future! I visualize a Waldorf-one-room-homeschool-house where both boys get what they need and feel (obviously!) overwhelmed!

This is a great question, and it comes up so frequently that I would like to address it in a blog post for everyone to see and read.

First of all, take a deep breath.  Part of homeschooling is more relaxed than a Waldorf School, and that is okay because there are many other advantages to being home.  One of the main advantages is that instead of being separated from each other all day, your children will form a strong bond by being together day in and day out.  The other thing to think of is not only is there an advantage for the younger one to see what the older one is doing, it is an advantage for the older one to see and be a part of what the younger one is doing.  So, please do start with a very positive attitude that this is very best set up for both of your children.

That being said, I agree with your caution regarding running your homeschool just to suit your oldest.  If your oldest is 9 or under, I think we must be especially careful to allow for time for the oldest to play, play, play and be outside and to do other things.  A 7 or 8 year old is still small and has energy to get out, for sure.  This is an advantage

Several things to think and meditate on:  How long is the Main Lesson?  I would say for first and second grade one  to two hours is typical (don’t forget daily practice of math as part of your Circle/Opening!).  How many days a week are you doing school?  Most people do four days a week in these very Early Grades.

Where do you put the Kindergarten Circle/verses, Kindergarten Story and Activity of the Day for the Kindergartener?  You could do baking one day, soup making one day, etc either in the morning before you start the older one’s school or in the afternoon.  It should be the type of thing that the child can join in on or not, and that the oldest can participate in as well or even lead a few songs or verses for the younger child.

In contrast, the older child should have several days a week to devote to handwork or playing a musical instrument and not work with a different activity each day.  They need consecutive days to get things done, projects completed.

How active is your Main Lesson?  There should be singing, movement, oral recitation, cooking, painting, modeling, drawing (not all at once, of course!)  The movement, etc are all things a younger child could join in on.  And don’t go crazy, keep it simple, short, “economical.”

Some Waldorf homeschooling families also have a “Kindergarten Day” a week, where that day the Kindergartener’s activities move to the forefront for that day and the Grades child joins in. 

I think too, the longer one homeschools, the more one is not afraid to be “rigid”, in other words, if the children are playing well, to let them play and start school in a bit or go hiking if the weather is gorgeous….But then also, on the flip side, to know when your Grades child really does need to buckle down and get to work. 

As far as a five or six year old listening in on the Main Lesson, try not to worry too much.  Children under 7 are at the height of imitation, and they are imitating what they see around them.    Give them a “Main Lesson” book and respect if they want to draw in it, but also respect when they are running off to play and are tired of “playing” school.  Writing one’s name and copying down a few  letters does not mean they are ready for formal Grade One lessons yet!  When it is their turn for First Grade or Second Grade, they may vaguely remember some of the stories, but the stories will speak to them on a much deeper level at that point because they are at the right age for them.  And your older child gets the benefit of listening in to the stories for a second time and deepening how they view things as well.  I think that is a very enjoyable part of homeschooling!

That being said, though, do carry on with typical Kindergarten activities, lots of movement, Circle Time and other things that nourish your Kindergartener’s soul.  Meet them where they are developmentally.

Lots of fun, good times, and holistic educational progress is the key!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Waldorf Homeschooling With Large Age Gaps Between Children

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This continues our vein of Waldorf homeschooling, Unschooling, and “What Does Waldorf Look Like In Your Home?”  Today’s post is written by Lauri Bolland, a veteran Waldorf homeschooling mother who is a frequent contributor to Melisa Nielsen’s Yahoo!Group ( see homeschoolingwaldorf@yahoogroups.com to join Melisa’s list).  Lauri has a wealth of experience in this area and I asked her to guest blog for me and share her thoughts about this area that scares so many people away from Waldorf Homeschooling.

Lauri writes:

I have three always-homeschooled children, with 4 1/2 years between the first two and 4 years between the second two. So they were 8 1/2 & 4 when my youngest was a newborn, and they are now ages 20, 15 1/2 & 11 1/2.

It may seem with that kind of age gap (and considering the Waldorf curriculum) that I would be teaching three separate grades all the time, and – for the most part – that’s been true. However, there have often been many times when I could combine my children. When my middle child was in 1st Grade, for example, he spent most of his time hanging out while my eldest did a 5th grade study of the ancients. (With the toddler in the sling or blocked in the room with us with toys.) My eldest was still a non-writer at that point, and a very limited reader, so everything was done aloud – with LOTS of hands on. My middle child now has a tremendous love for history, and I think it was his sideways participation in that year that inspired it. He still remembers how we constructed the Nile River Valley from sand, dirt, seeds, and Legos – and then FLOODED it – and the grass seeds grew like the Delta grows after the rainy season.

When my middle child was in 7th and my eldest was in 10th, I kept them together for a Creative Writing block and a Grammar Intensive Block, both of which I ran like a workshop. We actually had a blast!

Then when my middle child was in 8th and my eldest in 11th, I decided to do Movies as Literature for English/Literature for both of them. 

True, the timeliness of the curriculum was geared more towards my middle child, but I brought the Waldorf inspired thinking and discussion skills to my eldest – so both were well served. I was able to gear questions and discussion toward the developmental level of each child – which sounds very lofty, but wasn’t! LOL! It was a matter of asking one kind of question for one child, and other kinds of questions – according to Waldorf pedagogy – for the other. I required varying amounts of writing, and graded each child’s work differently. Again, I did a “workshop” type of format with discussion, cooperation, shared writing, reading aloud together, and more discussion. Interestingly, when my eldest began college classes in the Autumn, she said her English 101 class was just like homeschooling in that workshop/discussion format!

I put together a semester long block for my eldest’s last year of homeschooling, where we circled the Eastern Hemisphere (Asia, Africa, & Oceana) as a family. It was my choice to do one last thing en masse before she was off to college. For my youngest (4th grade) we focused on the food, clothes, games and Native People’s Myths & Stories of the lands we visited. My 8th grader focused on the geography of the world, weather patterns, native peoples, and the details of these continents – all “on time” for the Waldorf schedule. My 12th grader focused on the beliefs and the great thinkers who arose from these places – or traveled TO these places. We slanted it toward our faith a bit, as she had already covered the historical and geographical sweeps. She (my eldest) lead the majority of the crafts and the cooking for the other two, which gave me a nice break and allowed her to have some teaching responsibility. It was a beautiful way to end our time together, and one of those times I had to go with my “gut” on what to do, but could still tailor it to the underlying philosophies of Waldorf. I think my busiest year was when they were 15, 11 & 7, and I was teaching 9th, 5th & 1st simultaneously – all very demanding years!

I think the primary trick to working with larger age gaps is to be organized. As a woman, I really need our home and our relationships to be running right, or I feel discombobulated and out of sorts. If our cleaning, laundry, meals and shopping are in a shambles, or our relationships are rocky, I just can’t concentrate on school stuff. So I try to be very well organized in regard to what days we do what, and who does what. Also, I’m a bit of a stickler for the way people treat each other. Because it takes a lot of time to run a household and keep relationships pleasant when children are very little, I had to do my best with the small amount of time left for homeschooling.

When they were 9, 5 & 1, for example, I didn’t have two hours for doing the eldest’s schoolwork, so I had to make it a VERY GOOD 45 minutes at the table. Often we needed to move outside for some studies, or to the living room floor for others. It was so much better for my kids in the long run, and helped me to make the most of our days. Steiner had to do this with one of his students when he was a private tutor, and it contributed to his philosophy of teacher preparation.

My second trick for working with large age gaps is planning out every lesson. I know myself pretty well (I’m weak willed) and if I don’t have EVERY lesson planned out, I’ll buckle. As soon as the kids start to balk, I become tempted to drop it all and go do something fun.

I’ve done it more times than I can count! However, if I have all my lessons tidily planned for each and every child, I can hold firmer.

There have been lots of other times we’ve worked together. Believe it or not, we did daily circle time together until just this year. With older children it was more about doing Brain Gym type movement, memorizing facts or poetry, talking walks together, and doing elaborate (and not so elaborate) indoor and outdoor obstacle courses for each other. This year my 9th grader gets started on his High School work early, so it’s just my 5th grade daughter and I. We call it “Movin’ Time” and take walks, do Brain Gym, Form Drawing, etc.

However, she and I did have a two week color-intensive Watercolor painting block which my college student managed to join us for most of! 🙂

Very often over the years, I found life overlapped with homeschooling and homeschooling overlapped with life. By being flexible and organized, we’ve enjoyed quite a bit of family-centered (and still  Waldorf) learning in spite of the age gaps between my children.

Carrie Here:  I love to hear the voices of veteran Waldorf homeschooling mothers – they have so much to offer!  So, what does Waldorf look like in your home?  Getting over your fears enough to jump in and develop a relationship with this most healing form of education?

Many blessings, and much thanks to Lauri for sharing!

Carrie

What Does Waldorf Look Like In Your Home?

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If there is ONE thing I wish I could tell mothers about Waldorf Education in the Home, especially for those mothers whose OLDEST child is under the age of 9, is to keep it simple!  Mothers really, really overwhelm themselves much of the time.  I have been speaking with four separate mothers recently who feel completely overwhelmed even with a prepared curriculum that they bought!

You really don’t have to be an expert in every single thing to start with!

If your oldest child is under 9 and you have multiple children, please do relax.  And maybe here is where the intersection of Waldorf and Unschooling appears a bit more….I think it is okay if your children are playing well and you don’t stop them and gather them for school right away.  I think it is okay to take days on end and cook and bake for Christmas.  I think it is okay if your children spend hours playing in the woods.  If you have multiple children under the age of 9, hey have energy to burn and need the doing. Yes, they need rhythm as balance, but there is also an energy to the cycles of the year that comes out as well.  As they grow older though, hopefully you (and they) will buckle down and get to work,  There is something about cultivating perseverance in our children that is especially important in our “instant happiness and success without any work” society.

Use your younger ones’ nap periods to do the more formal stuff.  When it gets really crazy with the younger ones, take everyone outside and school outside.  Cut back at times when you need to and don’t worry about doing much more than the Gathering Time (be it a Circle Time, Verses and a poem to memorize, active and mental math) and your Main Lesson.  Yes, you can paint and cook and bake as part of your Main Lesson as the “doing” part in this holistic educational art, but if you are trying to bring this as a separate Middle Lesson and it is all  making  yourself feel crazy, why  not let it rest for awhile?  Bring some handwork in during the afternoons, and get outside.

So before you decide you can’t do Waldorf because you are overwhelmed by it (because in the beginning you want to do it all and do it all right and perfectly), please consider this:  you are going to teach Language Arts, Math, Science, Social Studies anyway, so why not bring it through the most “economical” way – Waldorf Education?  Why not bring it in through art, music, movement?  It is wonderful.  That being said though, if there is a season where you need to use something else because you are on bedrest or everything is literally falling apart and you are just hanging on by your fingernails, perhaps consider that you can come back to Waldorf in six months or so, and add in as many things as possible to include holistically educating your whole child in the meanwhile!

You too, decide this relationship: how much Waldorf?  A toe in, all in, up to your middle in the Waldorf Pool?  To me, if I have to teach, then I am going to teach this way because it makes the most sense to me.  Waldorf Education and parenting addresses the whole child throughout all the stages of development. 

People do many different things in conjunction with Waldorf, Waldorf homeschooling looks different in different  homes.  But, as Waldorf homeschoolers, we all share a respect for the protection that childhood deserves, a respect for educating holistically, a respect for teaching through art and movement and music, a respect for nature and our place here and in the Cosmos and a respect for the cycles of life in macro and microcosm. 

I love to read Waldorf blogs by homeschooling parents.  They really put the most beautiful things on their blogs, their lives look so beautiful (and please know most bloggers do put the most hopeful and wonderful things on their blogs!  These mothers are absolutely wonderful, but  really are not completely perfect, so please don’t compare and get depressed about it all!   That is easy to do!  And then you start thinking, wow, if I can’t bring my family THAT then I am not going to do it at all!)

If you are starting out,please  don’t think all that will happen when you have four kids under the age of 6!  It might, but if it doesn’t, that is okay. Your homeschool will look much more refined when your YOUNGEST is over 7 ( or when your older ones are really, really helpful with the little ones! LOL!)

The most important thing in homeschooling is the joy of the family, the development of the WHOLE three fold and fourfold person.  Being together, being outside, being warm with each other.    Your beautiful homeschool really is beautiful and may gain some additional structure as the years go by, but the basic joy of family living is always there.

Take  Joy in What You Have,  Baby Steps,

Carrie

Joy For January: Respect For Your Partner

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You might be wondering what “joy” has to do with “respect”, but I think that for most men, being respected within their own home leads to joy for them.  Men love to fix problems, they like to be the One Who Saves The World From Destruction, and they like to look good whilst they are doing it!

But here is the rub, right?  Most mothers I know spend much more time reading, researching, speaking with other mothers about parenting, observing children of different ages than Dad, who may be off at work all day.  We want to share what we have learned with Dad, and some of our ideas can be different or strange to him.  So what is Dad’s role in all this and how do we make him feel respected?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, about how some families have a structure where the roles for “work” are fairly rigid (ie, the mother takes care of the house, the father works outside the home) and how some families have more fluid roles between mothers and fathers…..So how do we balance these roles in relation to parenting, homeschooling, and all the while providing our spouse with some joy through respect?  A tall order in many ways!

We are coming up on 18 years of marriage, so I would like to think I have a few things to share on this.

  • I think one thing is to have respect for your spouse in front of your children.  Yes, we probably all disagree in front of the children, but I think providing an overall attitude that Dad knows what he is doing is beneficial.  He may do it differently than you, but that doesn’t mean he is wrong.  If you don’t like what he is doing, can you talk about it later not in front of the kids?  If that is possible!
  • I think it really is okay to say, “Go ask your father.”  🙂 I know that sounds corny, but  think how many decisions you make in regards to your child all day long and give Dad a chance too!
  • What are the top things that irritate your husband?  Does it drive him crazy to come home to a house with toys everywhere?  Does he need some quiet to transition to being home?  Some things are just inevitable when one lives with young children, but at the same time, instead of just brushing these things aside, perhaps take them under consideration and see if you can meet some of Dad;s needs or even wants even part of the time.  Happy Dad!
  • Okay, ahem, how is your intimacy?  Men connect emotional intimacy through the physical.  That part of your life really should be a priority.  Enough said. 🙂
  • Do you have a rhythm for your weekend?  A lot of mothers comment that they love having Dad home, but the weekends are a bit crazy.  If you could  sit down together and plan out what needs to happen on a weekend that might really help.  For example,  if you need time alone when that will happen, if Dad needs time alone when that will happen?    Do you plan anything fun together as a family?
  • Dads don’t go through the same  hormonal swings we do with pregnancy, birth, lactation.  I find many Dads, especially first-time Dads,  really do miss their wives a bit as they adjust to parenthood.  Do you ever get to spend time with just your spouse?  Even if it is early in the AM, or later in the PM, it is worth cultivating that intimate time!  It seems like some mothers/fathers put their relationship last when they have small children (and babies and toddlers  have such  serious needs to be met), but as your child grows it seems partners should be able to talk after your children go to bed!  And finish sentences!
  • Does Dad have a part in your homeschool?  What strengths and talents does Dad have that he could teach the children?  It is really fabulous to hear small children who think their Dad is the strongest, fastest, smartest.
  • When does Dad interact with the children and care for them?  Dads need to be around for the little things in order for children to trust them with the big things.  That in itself builds respect.

I know this post sounds hopelessly old-fashioned, but one day your children will be grown up and gone.  At that point, I really want you and your spouse to be looking across the breakfast  table at each other in love. 

Marriage is such a wonder and a joy.  I have no doubt that my Beloved Creator made my husband just for me.  I hope you feel the same way about your spouse as well!

Live in Joy Together Today,

Carrie

More About Holding The Space

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We have been having a conversation about this over at Donna Simmons’ forum, and it has raised many important questions about this concept.  Several great threads have popped up about holding the space, please do come join us!

One of the most interesting concerns to me, though, was a question that came up regarding if holding the space was somehow not authentic, and how do children learn about emotion and managing emotion if not from us? I started thinking that the corollary to this is sort of:   If we do all this inner work, then we will be calm all the time, right?

I love this!  To me, “holding the space”  does not mean we have The Valium House and we are deadened to the world.  You are holding the space for your child, the most intimate thing in your life outside of your partner, because you are the adult and you want to help your child. You may very well be angry, but you are stopping to try to hold your reactions in check so you don’t do something you will regret.  You are also doing this so you don’t pass on your baggage and check it into your child’s luggage! So maybe you go outside for a moment and come back if that is safe. Maybe you breathe. Essentially you are trying to take that moment to try not to be sucked into laying down on the floor and having a temper tantrum  yourself next to your two year old.  It is not at all about being a Valium Parent,  it is about being authentic and genuine but also dependable. The child will learn they can push for a boundary against you and you will not crumple to the floor and then the child develops themselves even further.

Holding the space also means you can rise above your own feelings in a way to be constructive. You can show the child how to fix it, how to make things better. You can show your child what to DO with those angry feelings. That is the important thing. When an emotion threatens to topple you into the abyss, how do you regain yourself and how do you make it better? That is the part the child needs to see, and because they live in their bodies, they need to know through movement and action, the doing, not in this reasoning talk that many parenting  books want to use. That comes at later ages!

Children under 7 DO have emotions! Of course!   I like how Kim John Payne describes it in his book “Simplicity Parenting“, how small children have just this pool of undifferentiated emotion and if you do venture to ask them how they feel they generally will say “bad”. They really don’t have that same consciousness to it that we do, but it is okay to describe what you see in the moment.  Sometimes when a child is upset or angry, we want so badly to fix it and sometimes the child just needs to feel it.  A touch, a look, can all be supportive.  Words cannot dam the flood!  Warmth on the level of the soul!  That is healing!

 
Again though, showing what one can do with these strong emotions  to transform it, to make things better is important.   We often want this sense of utopia for our children – peaceful, no conflict.  I think the best thing though is to show how to transform conflict  into something constructive, without a big speech about it.  Or even just seeing how we cry and move on.  How do you let go of things?  Can you show that?

Life with little ones is in the doing, and with the doing comes the power of transformation and potential for healing.

(Part of this post I originally wrote for a thread on the Waldorf At Home Forum, but it has been somewhat transformed like strong authentic emotions  :))

Love,

Carrie

Dads, Waldorf Homeschooling and Parenting

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More questions from the field!  A wonderful mother and frequent reader writes in:

“My question….. I am having trouble convincing my husband that under 7’s are best served by being pictorial and active. He is a wonderful father that likes to give big, grown-up, factual answers to questions. He also likes to read grown-up stories to our four year old (Treasure Island, The Count of Monte Cristo). He is so proud of his smart son and feels that he is bright enough to listen to these stories. I try to talk to him gently about Steiner’s ideas for I do not want to micro-manage their relationship.

Our budget is very tight, so I would love a suggestion of something to read to him (so I can save my pennies and buy the best book that I need).
Thank you!”

Here are some  ideas:

  • As far as the “adult” answers to things, I think one thing  you can do is model.  When your wee one asks questions, see if you can answer and model in a pictorial way, an active way.    It also helps to get together with other families who have children who are the same age as your children, but also with some who have older children as well  so Dad can see how very little a four-year-old really is when compared to a ten-year-old (and also how immature a ten-year-old can truly be, LOL)
  • You can also have a heartfelt talk and talk about the “normal” four-year-old or six-year-old and realistic expectations for those ages.  The Gesell Institute books, whilst not Waldorf, backs up a lot of what four-year-olds and other ages truly understand (and don’t).  It also is anti-teaching a four-year-old to read, and lays out exactly what a child of each age is likely to do at the dinner table during meals, which are also frequently Top Dad Concerns.  I also have table manners under the “Starting Solid Foods with Your Infant” post on this blog. 
  • I think it also helps to talk about what we remember doing when we were four; if Dad can’t remember perhaps his mother is still alive and can recall some things about when Dad was four.  Not only great fodder for bedtime storytelling, but also can help point out that four is really darn little.
  • As far as Waldorf books, actually, I think Jack Petrash’s “Navigating the Terrain of Childhood” is one that really speaks to fathers, and the one I would recommend to start.  The other book I thought of was “Heaven to Earth” by Sharifa Oppenheimer.  That might also be a place to start if you don’t have that one……(just ignore the references to time-out in the last chapter of the book!  :))
  • And yes, I think being gentle and not micro-managing their relationship is important.  Your little boy is very lucky he has a Dad who wants to read to him every night.  The story is most likely going right over his head, but he is getting to spend time with his father, and that is priceless.   (I did have to laugh a bit about Count of Monte Cristo though!  I remember that from the 10th or 11th grade?!   College? :))   After some of these  books are finished, perhaps you can line up a few books that might be more appropriate for a four-year-old, (NOT by saying the other ones were inappropriate, of course, but just mentioning that many four-year olds really seem to like this book)  and also perhaps encourage storytelling.  Storytelling is wonderful!   Here is a list of books for the Under-7 crowd:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/20/more-books-for-children-under-7/    
  • The other thing to encourage is the “physical” piece on weekends – wrestling games, playing in the yard, being in nature,  all of those kinds of things to get both of them out of their head.   Dads are so good at roughhousing and kids really need that! 
  • I like Donna Simmons’ Audio Download available here:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/bookstore-for-waldorf-homeschooling/audio-downloads.html   entitled “Talking Pictorially and Living Actively With Your Young Child.”   Perhaps Dad would be willing to give that a listen?
  • Above all, approach all this with love and respect; how wonderful to have such an involved Dad!   It sounds like you really appreciate the relationship Dad is developing with his son, what a great model for all the mothers who read this blog to see!

Hope that helps a bit!

Other Questions From the Field About Dads

Q.. Dad is undecided about homeschooling, please help.

A.  Please see this post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/15/a-letter-to-all-those-dads-undecided-about-homeschooling/

The other thing I would add is that many families start homeschooling on a “trial” basis for a year or so….and then they like it so much they never look back.  🙂

Q.  Dad and I have completely different styles of discipline.  What can I do?

A:  This is a tough one and unfortunately it  comes up frequently.    Really all one can do is sit down and talk about it, with the utmost respect for your partner, even if you don’t agree with his views.  After all, he only wants what is best for your children, even if his methods are different than yours.  Sometimes this boils down to realistic expectations, and for that I again refer to The Gesell Institute books (“Your Three-Year-Old”, “Your-Four-Year-Old”, etc).    Many fathers have very high expectations of their first-born child once they hit three or four or five, and don’t understand how truly little those ages are.  Once your oldest hits  “older” and you have younger ones coming up on three, four and five,  many parents realize for the first time how little those ages are (but when this age is your oldest they seem “so big now”!)

The other thing you can do is  model how you handle things and see if that rubs off at all.

I have seen several cases of this, however, that required family counseling with a neutral party in order to really come up with ground rules that both parents could live with and be happy with.  Attachment Parenting International recommends Imago therapists, see here for a therapist in your area: http://www.imagotherapists.com/default.aspx  

Peace,

Carrie

Unschooling and Waldorf: The Student-Teacher Relationship in the Grades

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This is a big topic, and we probably can only brush the surface of this today.   And this is long, but I felt I should keep it all within one post, so feel free to read part and come back or settle in with a cup of tea.  This post goes with the two other previous posts regarding Waldorf and Unschooling.

Let’s start with the very ending of “Practical Advice to Teachers” in which Steiner relates the four essential tasks of the teacher:  (this is, of course, the “Cliff-notes” version so to speak):

1.  “….teachers must make sure that they influence and work on their students, in a broader sense, by allowing the spirit to flow through their whole being as teachers, and also in the details of their work:  how each word is spoken, an dhow each concept or feeling is developed.”  “They must be filled with initiative.” 

2.  “….we as teachers must take an interest in everything happening in the world and in whatever concerns humankind.” “The teacher should be one who is interested in the being of the whole world and of humanity.”

3.  “…the teacher must be one who never compromises in the heart and mind with what is untrue.”  “Our teaching will only bear the stamp of truth when we ardently strive for truth in ourselves.”

4.  “The teacher must never get stale or grow sour.  Cherish a mood of the soul that is fresh and healthy!  No getting stale and sour!”

Now let us look and see where the student is.   Donna Simmons writes in “The Christopherus Waldorf Curriculum Overview For Homeschoolers” regarding  ages 7-14 “The child learns primarily through the authority of the love expressed by those around him.”  “During this time, the child is most active in his imagination and needs a healthy awakening of his feeling life to learn best.  This is most appropriately achieved by an imaginative and lively artistic approach to all academic subjects.”    During ages 14-21, “The youth learns primarily through the truth of the expertise around her.”  “During this time, the youth’s intellectual powers must be allowed to stretch and grow. Care must be taken to avoid dogmatism and apathy.  The youth’s natural state of idealism must be cultivated.”

So, what does all this have to do with Unschooling and Waldorf?

In the grades, we see a progression of sorts from one seven year cycle to the next.  We see that the curriculum is designed to meet the age of the child through an artistic, feeling, imaginative, creative way, through movement.  We see that whilst many of the subjects seem set, it is up to us how we bring them alive to our specific child.  Steiner himself said a lesson should never be stale or sour!  He also said there is really no education other than self-education and how as teachers we set up the environment and provide the most favorable conditions for learning.

So, if we understand WHY certain subjects are brought at certain grades, then we can look at how we want to meet that at home and how we want to develop a relationship with all of that within our own homeschool.  For example, in First Grade, some people are very uncomfortable with Grimm’s fairy tales.  We should never try to teach that which does not resonate within us, so we can change that for the archetypal imagery of other tales as long as we carefully explore why areas of the curriculum don’t fit in with us because the Waldorf curriculum really is the human journey.  We also  have to be careful in some regards, because many  of the experiences of the younger grades builds up to lessons in the older grades (ie, wet on wet watercolor painting is really a bridge to the study of color in physics later on), but within reason and with understanding and mindfulness, we can work with the subjects normally studied.  

As homeschoolers, we can also wait on things, to a certain extent, if our child is not ready. My oldest detested knitting in the First Grade, it always ended in tears and crying and frustration,  so we let it ride until Second Grade.  She is now an avid knitter and she loves handwork. 

There are some areas in particular, math especially, where it seems okay to move forward faster than the curriculum.  The science and the language arts seem to more be based upon age/grade because of the content than the math, but obviously also things like the amount of writing can be increased if a child is writing well.  However, it is very important that other areas are balanced – handwork, music, movement…  The one thing that really can’t be moved, though, is “moving ahead” on the content – Norse myths belong in Grade Four for a reason, for example.

People ask all the time what to do if their child has interests in things that don’t come up in the Waldorf curriculum until much later….I addressed that to a certain extent here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/09/can-waldorf-work-with-other-homeschooling-methods/  and would like to reiterate a few things.  First of all, see how strong an interest this is:  many children are wholly passionate about something and then that interest fizzles out within a week.  Take a bit of a ho-hum attitude about it and see if it still burns so incredibly brightly.  If it does, can you meet it in steps and stages rather than going whole-hog wild?  This is prudent for all parents, not just Waldorf homeschooling parents.  You don’t want to run out and buy a Baby Grand when your child has never taken a piano lesson but has an “interest”.  But you can encourage the exploration!

Do you worry your child is gifted in some way and the curriculum will not meet your child’s needs?  Whether your child is  reading at a six-year-old level or a twelve-year-old level, you can be creative in meeting the child with Old Testament Stories in the Third Grade.  The academic piece can be adjusted up or down.  And in my experience, those who are “forging ahead” often need “balancing out”, which the Waldorf curriculum supplies beautifully. 

Some people, I think, have not seen Waldorf Education in the Grades in action and have this thought that it is two hours of a Main Lesson sitting at a desk.  I would like to refute that!  Here is an example:  one may start the morning with verses and singing whilst standing up and moving, limericks and tongue twisters and some mental math with tossing of beanbags or throwing a ball.  One may then move into some sort of movement, whether that be a true circle time, an obstacle course, work with copper rods, drawing with a crayon between one’s toes, etc.   Then perhaps time for a break!

Then we may gather for more of the Main Lesson, where we take more time for movement,  look at some vocabulary or math concepts, hear a wonderful story.  Perhaps then we  draw, paint, build or create or cook or delve deeper into what we are studying in another way….. Then another break and movement and playing and perhaps after lunch and quiet time,  we regroup to bake, do handwork, play the recorder.  I used to think that Head, Hearts and Hands meant very specific things (such as the “Heart” part could ONLY be foreign language, painting, eurythmy, etc), but I am realizing the further along I go that different teachers do different things and some of it can depend on what block you are in and can only be limited by your own creativity. 

Some people worry that with any sort of method of homeschooling, their time for siblings to play will be underminded, that it will take too big a chunk out of the day. I can assure you that in the Early Grades, the Main Lesson can be short,  and you can intersperse breaks to play or snack.  The number one joy of any method of homeschooling is being with your family!  You also don’t need to homeschool five days a week either – in most states it is the total number of days per year that must be met.   In the Early Grades, I have heard many Waldorf homeschooling mothers take things nice and slow until the nine-year change.  Only you can decide your relationship to this healing education.  (And homeschooling this way will be healing for you as well!)

There will be days that you feel you must buckle down and get to work.  This is part of homeschooling, no matter what method.  Just like when you worked outside of the home, some days inside the home with homeschooling may go awry.  There may be days when you decide to go hiking instead of doing school, and you adjust your plans accordingly.  There may be a day when your child doesn’t want to do math because it is “too hard” and you work through the tears together and bring it all  home and the tears stop and your child gets it!  How exciting! 

What you bring to your Waldorf homeschool must above all be an expression of yourself and the things that resonate with you within the curriculum.  If you are a gardener, perhaps you will be basing much of your math, science, even history of different societies by looking at how people work with the land, calculations for gardening, the science of botany and agriculture.  If you have other skills, this will come out as well.  This tends to worry parents, who want to make sure their child isn’t “missing” anything, but  really, even a Waldorf school teacher has his or her own strengths and weaknesses and picks and chooses how to bring things into the classroom.

Most of all though, the student-teacher relationship is one based upon respect for each other, and through the child loving “natural authority” of the teacher and other revered, kind adults.  “Gratitude- Love-Duty” is how the first three seven year cycles can be summed up.  Roberto Trotsli, in his book, “Rhythms of Learning” talks at length about this in Chapter Two of that book (Chapter Two is entitled “Teacher and Child”).  Love for the world and everything in it becomes the basis for duty in the ages of 14-21.   During the early grades, we connect children to their world through love.  This is what we make our academic lessons up with this piece in mind.    We also work with the children of this age through their temperaments.

The final piece of all of this, also brought up by Trotsli  in this chapter, is that, “Each of us is engaged in the process of becoming.  Our students are often our teachers in this process, for they force us to face our shortcomings and limitations and inspire us to continue to strive to transform ourselves.  By working on ourselves, we work on behalf of our students.  By coming to know ourselves, we come to know our students.”

Many blessings on today,

Carrie

Unschooling and Waldorf : The Student-Teacher Relationship Birth- Age 7

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So, we started to explore Unschooling and Waldorf in this previous post ( https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/17/unschooling-and-waldorf/ ), when this really astute question came up in the comment box.

Writes in a wonderful mother: 

“The only question that remains for me is about the teacher/learner relationship. What if the child is not interested in learning what you present him with, even if it is age-appropriate for him? What if the child doesn’t want to sit and do what you invite him to do? As my girls are getting bigger, I can see that they do not always want to do what I suggest we do, and I want to honor that. It doesn’t feel right to coerce them into doing what I think is good for them. Don’t get me wrong, I will not let them have chocolate for breakfast and go to bed at 10 pm, I am talking reasonable things like drawing all day instead of going outside (even if I know it’s good for them to go outside, it feels wrong to get into a fight, a tantrum and tears to get them out the door). I guess, what I am saying is that I am a bit confused in that area. I do not want to be the dictator of my children’s life, I want them to learn to listen to what they feel inside…..”

 

I would like to address this in two parts: one geared toward children under 7, and one part more pertaining to the grades.

Part One:  The Student-Teacher Relationship for Children Under Age 7

You know, from everything I have read, Steiner was a warm man, a man who observed children with love, a man with a good sense of humor.  I think he would understand that first and foremost homeschooling is about the joy of being with family.

If your children are completely upset about something in your rhythm, I think there are at least two ways to approach it:  #1 – approach it as the fact that the rhythm is for you to follow and they can follow or not and weave in and out in play but you can mix that with this idea:  #2 – perhaps the rhythm needs to be changed to better meet your children.

A rhythm should change seasonally, right?  One of the original examples given above was small children not wanting to go outside….Well, this is a really cold month in many places. Perhaps you change your rhythm to accomplish your goals (connection with nature, getting energy out) in a different way.  So, you make treats for the feathered friends and small creatures outside, and you set up indoor forts and bear caves and tunnels for the children to crawl through to find the hibernating bears and they get the energy out inside.  Goals still accomplished, different methods. 

You are homeschooling, you can be flexible, and the more years you do this, you will plan ahead of time because you remember the last time – last January was this way, so this year I am going to plan some ice-skating, but also a lot of baking and crafting and storytelling for us to do.  We will play games and sit by the fire, and love  each other.

See, no coercion at all!  But whilst we are on that word, I want you all to meditate on that.  If you feel in heart that you will “present” something and it might “fail”, I think that is something to be explored.  Children can sense when we don’t feel confident and certain.  Feel clear with yourself before you even start.  What are your goals for your children this year in homeschooling?  What do they need to work on?  To me, there are goals, even at the Waldorf Kindergarten level.  If you know your goals, you can change the method of delivery and still meet your goal in helping your child.  🙂

My other point with the under-7’s is that they are working out of imitation, so don’t necessarily give them the opportunity to debate about what they will or won’t do in words……  The kiss of death is to say, “Now it’s time for our puppet show” and everyone groans and says, “Not now!  We are making ice porridge in our kitchen for the snow bears to eat!”  No, just gather up your puppets, set up your stage and start singing the opening song and start.  They will come.

But do learn to read you children as well, if they are playing beautifully and building gorgeous sibling bonds, why interrupt that?  Sibling love is an important component of homeschooling to foster…The puppet show can happen in an hour.  This is a line we always tread in homeschooling – the play, the family love versus the fact that sometimes things do have to happen, that is part of developing the will of the child and our own will, our own self-discipline. 

The other part is, don’t present to the under-7 child.  Present around them instead.  For example, sit down and start finger-knitting and when they gather around and ask if they can, you have the choice to pull out the story and teach them, yes.  But you also have the choice to say to the four-year-old, “This is Mommy’s task right now, but I bet when you are bigger I can teach you how to do this” and sing a song.  Build up some anticipation for the beautiful things they are going to learn, it becomes then a privilege to try rather than something to resist.

Steiner felt what small children needed in the Kindergarten age was love,  warmth, worthy adult activity to be imitated, play, protection for childhood, gratitude and reverence, joy, humor and happiness, and adults who are developing their own inner intuition, so…….K.I.S. (Keep It Simple). 

Keep it simple.  The under-7 child should have a simple rhythm, and you don’t need a complicated craft that coordinates with your story with a complicated snack that coordinates with your story with all of these things with a complicated nature activity, etc.  That turns it all into more of a Unit Study than just seasonal activities and storytelling and singing.    Live, breathe, and focus not only on the goals and the things for the Waldorf Kindergarten experience at home (see back posts here   https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/13/waldorf-in-the-home-with-the-three-and-four-year-old/  and here  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/06/waldorf-in-the-home-with-the-one-and-two-year-old/ ), but on those intangibles that Steiner talked about – love, joy, warmth, humor.  Infuse your activities with these things, not with a drill sergeant of the rhythm keeper attitude.  The rhythm is your helper, not your enemy.  Make it work for you and your family.

Lots of love,

Carrie

PS Part Two to follow

Unschooling and Waldorf

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We have had a really interesting discussion over at Melisa Nielsen’s Yahoo Group regarding Waldorf homeschooling with larger (ie, 3 to 5 children or more) families and also Waldorf homeschooling when your children are far apart in  age.

At any rate, this wonderful mother posted a link to her adventures in Unschooling with Waldorf with a larger family here:  http://www.ahomeschoolstory.com/2008/10/unschooling-meets-waldorf.html  and I really thought it was worth sharing with all of you. (If you would like to join Melisa Nielsen’s Yahoo Group, please see this link:  homeschoolingwaldorf@yahoogroups.com).

I have read the work of John Holt and even spent some time on a radical Unschooling  Yahoo!Group to see what it was all about when my oldest was younger, so I do have some ideas about Unschooling but admittedly no real world practice per se, so please take that under consideration in this post.  (I also started out with the notion I was going to homeschool using some sort of Classical Curriculum, so you can see how far I have come and also how scattered I was in some ways because I was looking at EVERYTHING and wanted to take all the things from every curriculum and bring it in for my child.  Then I discovered  Waldorf and there you go!  No turning back, and very, very happy!  But I digress!)

To many people, Unschooling means just the ability to follow your child’s interests.  I think it is possible to do this within the Waldorf curriculum.  I wrote about that in integrating Waldorf with other methods here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/09/can-waldorf-work-with-other-homeschooling-methods/  

I think there are a points where Waldorf and Unschooling agree :  both have great respect for the “unfolding” of the child and meeting the child where they are.  Both have no lost sleep over a child starting academics at a more appropriate time (ie, most likely not in the Early Years).  Both have a great love for learning through life – through play, through being outside, through practical activities around the home.  

I think the major difference between Unschooling and Waldorf is  the role of the parent.  And yes, I do have Unschooling friends who “strew” things around their house for their children to find and ignite passion and learning, but I think fundamentally the role of the parent in Unschooling is typically more as a facilitator for what a child expresses interest in.  In Waldorf homeschooling, the parent introduces the subject material through art and movement at a time that we feel coincides with the development of the aspects of the human being.  So, in Third Grade we have Old Testament Stories as a history of the Jewish people and how those people handled authority because we feel the nine-year-old is grappling with these issues in development.  In Sixth Grade, we have the Roman and geology because we feel the 12-year-old is grappling with being solidly set on the Earth and interested and ready for the facts of history. 

I think there is also a major difference in the Early Years as we look toward a rhythm in order to develop, protect and nurture the 12 senses in the Under-7 child. We assume the child will need help with balance, with rhythm, will need some help in incarnating into the body.  Unschooling has no basis for this, because Waldorf’s philosophical basis is the development of the  three-fold and four-fold human being during these seven year cycles.

Boundaries in parenting could be another major issue and difference between Unschooling and Waldorf.  In Waldorf Education, we assume that an under –7 child is neither good nor bad but learning.  Learning implies they are not quite ready to be the one to set the tone of the home, and it would not really be fair to ask them to participate in a democratic way of setting what they are learning or playing with yet.  They may, in fact, be attracted to things that are detrimental to their health or well-being  and the parents needs to be the one to step and help set boundaries.  Again, not all parents who Unschool don’t set boundaries,  many certainly do!,  but I know on the radical Unschooling list I was on, letting the child experiment with going to bed late, eating what they wanted for breakfast (even if  it was candy or such) was part of this notion that  the family was “Unschooling Life.”   Again,  the child may be attracted to things that are not healthy, they may be lacking a rhythm and a balance in these Early Years,  and it is our ability to set boundaries that is important for the health and development of the child. 

People comment that they feel Unschooling is a better fit for the child because it is more respectful of the child.  I have responded to this before in this rant here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/22/waldorf-and-attachment-parenting-the-mini-rant/  

Essentially, I think there are ways Unschooling and Waldorf can work together, but I do believe Waldorf has such a strong philosophical basis that it  is just a  different perspective.  It is not about searching for the”best” reading program or the “best” math program because the whole curriculum is laid out in such a way that every single thing not only builds on each other, that head, hearts and hands are integrated, that  the threefold and fourfold human being is developed, and that in every subject (even grammar, etc) a relation to the spiritual realm, the relationship of man to the mineral, plant and animal kingdoms are there.  Essentially, the curriculum to me sometimes is just that reinforcement of the way a human has the potential to be Noble, to be Pure, To Make the Right Choices.  This is something that really cannot compare to “just” a curriculum in reading, or even  a “not” curriculum. 

I choose Waldorf because I felt it was actually the only way to educate a human being holistically. I chose it because I believe in the development of the human being so my children grow up to be adults who can think, problem-solve, who are balanced and able to cope with technology, with stress, and with life.  I chose Waldorf because I want my children to learn through art and movement and to have high academic ideals at the right time in the curriculum, and to have a sense of stewardship for the Earth and her resources.    I chose Waldorf because I wanted to introduce academics at the right time, the time when it would make the most sense and to start slowly and build up as the neural pathways for learning were laid down.   For me. whose background was in childhood development, it seemed the only curriculum that seemed to recognize different subjects made sense to come in at different times and that subjects shouldn’t be “dumbed down” to meet children in the Early Grades, but instead brought in at a later time. 

The idea of  salient teaching, of teaching  the right subject, at the right time, really set my heart on fire. 

Does it yours?

Many blessings,

Carrie