Author Archives: Carrie

Waldorf Second Grade Handwork

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In Waldorf Second Grade, I believe in working with casting on, knit stitch, casting off, and the simple sewing necessary to finish a project.  I strongly believe both purling and dry needle felting should be left alone until the nine year change.  You can see more about the indications for Waldorf Handwork, written by our homeschool group’s wonderful, wonderful Handwork Teacher here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/03/28/handwork/ 

I feel very, very fortunate to have found a Waldorf Handwork teacher whose views are similar to mine, and I am thrilled she is part of our homeschooling group. 

Here are some of the projects my second grader has done this year:

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Above:  A special pouch necklace to hold treasures!

Below:  A sachet; slip your favorite- smelling tea bag inside!

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Below:  A rainbow ball

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Below:  A child-sized scarf:

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Below:  A scarf for Beloved Bear!

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In progress right now is a doll poncho, since the scarf for Beloved Bear is now finished. 

Hope this gives mothers out there some ideas for longer and shorter projects for the second grade year.

Blessings,

Carrie

Earth Day In The Waldorf Home

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My post on this subject is over at The Magic Onions, so head on over and take a look:

http://themagiconions.blogspot.com/2010/04/discovering-waldorf-earth-day-in.html

Thank you and many blessings on this beautiful day,

Carrie

Parenting Burn-Out and Chaos!

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Did you ever feel that homeschooling or even just parenting little ones should be FREEING, in a sense, but that it is not?  I mean, after all, every day COULD be a blank slate of whatever you would like it to be!  How disappointing, then, sometimes, when you realize that you are busier than when you worked outside the home.  When you realize that your schedule is way too full.  How disappointing when you can’t say no to things. How disappointing when your house is always a disorganized mess.  And that knowing that  burn-out is always there in the background (and sometimes in the foreground?) – we won’t even mention that!

If you have ever felt like that, then this post is for you.

First of all, please be easy with yourself.  The mothers I see that are hardest on themselves are the ones with babies ( “I should be doing just what I did before I had a baby!”) or the ones with multiple children under the age of 7.  Be easy!  Your most important job is to take care of them, and also yourself! But part of doing this is developing your own will….read on!

If your children are under the age of 7, in order to take care of yourself, you are going to need to ask for help and  to plan ahead. That is hard for people, but that is the only way it is going to happen.  Ask your spouse for help!  Ask a grandparent!  Ask a friend!  “Honey, could you please take the children to the park for an hour and a half so I can do some homeschool planning for fall?”  “Honey, I know you worked all day and you are tired, but this pile of clean laundry is driving me crazy! Could you please help me put it away?”  “ I really need to get some stress out.  Could you watch the children so I could go walk for half an hour?  I would feel so much better!”

However, in order to ask, you have to know what you need!  And I find many mothers are down so low, they don’t know where to start or what even to ask for help with!  Meditate, make a list – what are three things that would  make your life better right now?  Start there.

I have one for you that probably would make your life better (outside of exercise for yourself!): how about getting rid of STUFF?  It is hard to be restful with too much stuff.  If every room has too much furniture for the size of the space, if every flat surface is covered, if every closet and drawer is bulging, then it is time to start there.  It is hard to pay attention to your children,  to plan for homeschool, to do homeschool, if there is stuff everywhere.  And your children cannot rest in rooms that are overflowing!

But in order to get your own  house in order, you have to be HOME.  What would happen if you took a two week vacation and just said “no” to outside things, and made a huge dent in getting your house in order?  Really go through things and get RID of things. 

What would happen if over the summer you just planned to be home?  What would happen in the fall if you plan to be out one day during the weekdays (this is not including the weekends) and otherwise you were at home?  What would life look like then?  Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, really do need to be home – a walk around the block, playing in the neighborhood, being outside; yes- but really at home! 

Perhaps you can meditate on this and find the middle road, the common ground that really works for you.  Start small if that is where you are, but conversely, don’t be afraid to jump in and make a big change.  Your life, after all, should work for you.  If you are feeling resentful, stressed, not happy – change it, you are in control of at least some of it.  And your own attitude you are fully in control of!

Many blessings,

Carrie

How Do I Instill Inner Discipline In My Child?

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Many parents see the ultimate goal of guiding and  parenting a child to be that the child will have an ability to “discipline” him or herself, an ability to have initiative but also be able to  think before acting, and that the child/ young adult will ultimately  take responsibility for his or her own actions.

The question is how to do get to this, of course.  Parenting sites all over the Internet talk  about the “obedience” of the small under-7 child, “defiance” and every other thing out there that makes it seems as if children are not part of a family, not part of following the mother and father, but this Oppositional Force To Be Reckoned With.

We have to think of discipline in the light of two things: CONNECTION, and DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES.  I have written about these two things over and over, and I guess I will keep saying it until more parents hear.

Connection is your number one key to discipline and guiding of a child.  Didn’t you ever do or not do something as a grades school child  because you were so connected to your family, to the expectations of your family’s culture?  Not through shame or coercion, but because of love.  That is what I am talking about.  Looking up to a loving authority because it is so.

Small children are not really at this point yet.  Their impulses often far outweigh their thoughts.  It is not that small children do not ever think, please do not misunderstand, but  their physical impulses and lack of impulse control is really, really strong.  They need a lot of physical help from you, a lot of repetition, to really do the right thing.  They are more likely to do what you do rather than to do what you say.  You cannot drive the car of the small child by  using your horn (yelling)- you also have to use the steering wheel (involve their bodies!)    They are SMALL.  A child under the age of 7 is SMALL. 

So, to instill self-discipline or inner discipline in a child is a much longer process than people in American society would like.  They would like the child to be self-disciplined, “obedient”, yet able to problem-solve and think for themselves and be mature, pretty much from the womb.  Be independent, yet fold right into the family culture without so much as a peep.  From birth.

Let me assist you for a moment with my vision of working with a child toward inner discipline, based upon attachment parenting and Waldorf parenting.  Pick what resonates with you and your family’s culture.  You are the expert on your own family.

Birth – Age 7: These are the years to establish TRUST with this child.  This will make a PROFOUND difference in the years of 14-21 if you will just do this one step.  Do not be afraid to breastfeed, sleep with, bathe with, hold this child.    Show this child GOODNESS.  We do this by giving them something worthy to IMITATE.  They are not ready to run around and be independent yet, but they are ready to learn things with you, by your side.  The child is in a period of remarkable PHYSICAL development, and that is the realm in which we must work with the child. Being outside is important from this physical perspective.   This is also your time as a parent to really discern the ESSENTIAL things in your family life, and to find that it is okay to not do everything all at once.   Rhythm is your helper and friend.  Less choices, more relaxed presenting of clothing, food, but also knowing when it is okay that your child wants this over that.  Also, this notion of PROTECTING the child and the child’s senses.  It is okay to do this!  That is the fine art of parenting, and it takes practice!

Age 7-14:  These are the years to present to the child a LOVING AUTHORITY.  Show this child BEAUTY in the world through artistic work, creative work and by being outside, seeing that beauty in nature; children at this point FEEL things so strongly.    This is also the time for community, for other trusted and like-minded adults.  This is also a time for a spiritual practice, a child coming up on nine has many questions about the world, about their Creator, about religion – it really is important that you become clear about how you feel about all this.  This is the time to think hard about doing things at the right time: is it the right time for my child to go to see a movie? Have a cell phone?  Walk to the store alone?  Most of all, these are the years to really cultivate WARMTH toward your child and where they are.  Some mothers wrote in under the post asking for discipline challenges about their negative 10 and 11 year olds – can we have warmth for these children?  It is vital in this stage.  After the ninth year, the child has a MUCH better sense of natural consequences, a stronger sense of self, and now is the time to give weight to his ideas, thoughts, perhaps relax that rhythm a bit, but also to give MORE RESPONSIBILITY.  Negotiation and compromise become more important, but BOUNDARIES are still there.  Finding that Middle Way between the polarities of life.   

Age 14-21:  These are the years to present to the child TRUTH.  They are THINKERS; the teenager can make decisions and take responsibility for his or her decisions.  Boundaries are there to push against, parents are there to help and to guide.  Keep connecting with this child through the gift of time and listening.    I highly recommend Barbara Coloroso’s “Kids Are Worth It!  Giving Your Child The Gift of Inner Discipline”  as a framework of gentle discipline for these years, really from twelve up.

Many blessings as you discern what is right for your family.

Carrie

The Assault on Girlhood!

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I just happened to catch this on FOXnews.com;  the saga of a department store that pulled a padded bikini top off of its shelves.  This product was aimed at girls as young as seven years old.  The article stated:

“Popular U.K. discount retailer Primark has pulled a line of sexy padded bikinis from its shelves after complaints from child protection agencies and criticism from a tabloid newspaper.

The bathing suits had enough padding in the halter top to make girls as young as 7-years-old look like they had breasts. They came in both black and white polka dot, and hot pink with gold stars.

The Sun newspaper ran a front page story Wednesday criticizing the suits. Soon after, child protection agencies started making calls to the retailer, saying the swimwear encouraged sexualization of children.

Dr. Keith Ablow, Fox News Medical A-Team member and psychiatrist, said he thinks that sexy clothing like these bathing suits can be dangerous to young girls.

“It can be psychologically damaging to encourage girls at age 7 or close to that age to consider themselves as sexually attractive to boys or men,” Ablow told FoxNews.com.”   

I am glad this store pulled these, although how sad that  it took complaints to get this accomplished.  It shows what those of us who are trying to preserve childhood and innocence for our girls can be up against at every turn.   In this day and age, I wish more parents would stand up!

  • Why is it that parents think all things media are okay for children under the age of 10?
  • Why is it that so many parents take children under the age of six to movies that are not only G, but PG and PG-13 if it is “kid- themed”?
  • Why is it that the clothes for young girls are geared toward sexuality instead of childhood?
  • Why is it that we think it is okay for small children to spend their days in school at desks writing out worksheets?  What happened to hands on learning and starting academics at the right time?  We used to learn how to read in the first grade in this country, why has that disappeared forever?  Can we bring it back?
  • Why is it that parents are so busy they don’t have time for their own children or why is it that we have parents that treat their children like a job so that they must hover over the children and control every detail of their lives?

Please stand up with me.  Shop from retailers who provide clothing that look like something a young girl should be wearing – feel free to leave your favorite child clothing lines in the comment boxes in order to help other mothers.  Have your child be the last one in your neighborhood or his or her classroom to have a cell phone, to see a movie.  Recently at my child’s German school, the teacher asked all the children to name their favorite toys.  Out of the whole class of seven to nine year-olds only my daughter and one other little girl named something that was not electronic and that did not involve a screen!  Help your children flourish in imagination!  This age between 7 and 14 is especially crucial for that.

This phenomenon of taking away our children’s childhoods and innocence, but yet then stretching their adolescence longer and longer before they can become independent,  is harmful.

Please take a stand with me for the sake of our children.

Blessings,

Carrie

What If Gentle Discipline Doesn’t Work?

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Sometimes parents will tell me they are trying hard to set boundaries in a gentle and positive way, but it seems like it’s just not working or that they are afraid they are “babying” their toddler too much……

Sometimes it just seems as if gentle discipline doesn’t work.

I really don’t think there is an alternative to gentle discipline though.  Or, I guess if the alternative is to be cross and yelling and screaming and hitting a child, I don’t want to live in a house like that.  I don’t want to do that to a child.  I don’t want myself to be the adult doing that.

Raising children is physically exhausting at times.  Children are messy, loud, and  immature.  Their development is SLOW.  Part of YOUR job is to have PATIENCE with the developmental process.   Part of your task is to re-frame how you look at parenting – raising a child should not be an inconvenience or a task of raising a child to “obedience”  but the thought of raising a healthy adult who is going to contribute to society. 

Does this mean no boundaries?  Does this mean that it is not frustrating?

Of course not.  You must have boundaries, you must guide, but you must also be prepared that it may take 500 times for something to “stick”.  You must be prepared that it will take more than just words.  You must be prepared that the first seven years have the most pronounced physical behaviors, which do seem to trigger parental anger.  Face slapping, running away, kicking, hitting, biting, melt-downs, – all there.

Go back to realistic expectations for each age. Remind yourself that children generally do not work well with only  verbal directions well until they are about seven, and even after seven they completely get distracted and need your help to keep on track.  Children really do need pretty constant supervision until around age 10 or so to avoid destruction of property.

Go back to your rhythm and how much outside time your children are getting.

Look carefully at the alternatives to gentle discipline and imagine what those will get you in the long run.  It may provide short-term obedience through fear, but will it foster your goals for a healthy childhood, for a healthy adult future?  You shape, you guide, but you also project confidence that this is a phase (that will be replaced by something else!)

Connect with your children, stay with your children during the times of their melt-downs.  I am very against time-outs, I have not seen any other country where sending a child off to their room to melt down in a torrent of emotion is seen as acceptable parenting.  I know this is not common in Europe.  Maybe some more of my readers in foreign countries can help me out here?  Is this common?

Part of parenting is CONTROLLING YOURSELF.  Calm down, and GUIDE.  That is your part in this.  Guide, guide, guide.  “Let me help you.”  “You may not do that, but you may do this.”  “I cannot hear you when you speak to me like that, please try asking again.”  Movement, fantasy, re-direction!

I find over and over that while parents have concerns regarding age 2 and 3, the bulk of “am-I-doing-this-right” really comes in at ages 4, 6 and 9 –which are ages of enthusiasm, exuberance, over-the-top behavior coinciding with developmental disequilibrium and the six/seven and nine year old change.  Please do go back to the posts on those ages, and the ones filed under the Gentle Discipline header if you need extra help.

Hang in there, and get support!  If you need brainstorming as to handle something from a gentle discipline perspective, you can write me!  I will try to help!  Hook up with your local La Leche League or Attachment parenting group!  Join an on-line gentle discipline forum – the Mothering Magazine forum has a good subforum on this!

Be confident that gentle discipline is not only the right path, but really the ONLY path.  Be confident that there is strength in setting a boundary, and that you can be gentle while you are doing it.

Much love,

Carrie

Waldorf Planning Time!

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I think April is a great month to order materials so you have a good amount of time to look through everything and plan.  I usually order my things at the end of March, so my Third Grade things are already here, which is really exciting!

Melisa Nielsen did a great radio show on planning if you would like to listen:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/alittlegardenflower/2010/04/05/planning-for-the-new-year–part-1

Melisa made a lot of wonderful points and I encourage you to take the time to listen to this!!

I think the one thing to think about beside the obvious “what-do-I-need in terms of supplies and materials for my child”  is “what-do- I need- to- read -to prepare- myself- as- a- teacher.”

A MAJOR piece of planning for me is my own spiritual development to go with each grade.  This year my oldest is a Third Grader and  I am considering Beth Moore’s Bible Studies on both “The Patriarchs” and “Esther.”  I think those will tie in well with Grade Three studies!

You can work with Waldorf Education without even dipping a toe into Steiner’s works.  I think that is just fine! You can absolutely take the the subjects studied within each grade and plan!  For Third Grade, I am dipping into some  of Steiner’s lectures as background to help give me some background, especially for the farming and gardening end of Third Grade.  I am  currently reading “Practical Advice to Teachers” and doing “The Agriculture Course” lectures one by one.  My reading for the summer is going to include “Discussions With Teachers”.  I would also like to read his lectures on “Bees”.  I think all of those would be great preparation for Third Grade from Steiner himself.  There are also those wonderful booklet commentaries that Roy Wilkinson wrote about various aspects of each grade, from Interpreting Fairy Tales to Practical Work for Third Grade…These booklets can run from about $5.95 and up at Rudolf Steiner College Bookstore and Bob and Nancy’s Bookshop.

One practical thing to consider is how many days we will be going out each week.  To me, third grade ramps up a bit, and the need to be home is great.  One just cannot be running around every day, so planning for when to be out, how many activities, is really important.  Where will errands go?  Park dates with friends?  Homeschool group activities?  I try really hard to be home quite a bit because otherwise nothing gets done in homeschooling, and we want the ability to have a relaxed daily pace, not a rushed pace!

What activities will the children do?  Taking a musical instrument comes into play in the Third Grade, in a typical Waldorf school this is usually a stringed instrument.  I have not yet decided what instrument we are going to do, and am meditating and praying about that right now.

The other interesting piece of Third Grade is working in experiences of DOING with farming, gardening, building.  Here in our town there is a wonderful “Bee Camp” for children where they get to work with a hive; there are also many farms around here and farming kinds of activities, so I will be investigating those.

I have written about my approach to planning for Waldorf homeschooling here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/23/planning-101-planning-for-fall/   

Essentially, if you start now and plan a little each week, then you will have it all mapped out by the time school starts in the fall!

Blessings,

Carrie

Parenting Exhaustion!

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I think many parents look back at the baby and toddler years fondly and say things like, “If only my teenager’s problems could be solved by a nice warm bath”  “If only I could distract them with a pail and shovel in the sandbox” but I think these parents have forgotten the sheer physicality that prevails in parenting in these Early Years.

  • It is exhausting to change a baby’s diaper when they hate it and are crawling away (or when they are a toddler, running away!)
  • It is exhausting to chase your toddler down the street because they left the park.   Again.  With a baby on your hip and an older child racing beside you.
  • It is exhausting when you have literally saved your toddler from death about fifty times in one day despite the fact you have “child-proofed” everything in sight.

Just plain tiring.  Nursing, rocking, holding, co sleeping, co bathing, chasing, playing, feeding and starting all over again and again all night and all day.

So here are my Top Secret Super Survival Tips!  (Eh, not so top secret, but doesn’t that sound fun??!)

  • Keep it simple.  Toddlers do not need a lot of excursions, play dates and trips to the store.  Try to run errands later or have someone else do it; if there is one place you go that is repeatedly a problem, for example, a certain park or a store parking lot, then by all means skip going there for awhile.  Only time can add maturity.  It is that simple.  Running away and being chased is just plain fun, and that behavior really can persist until they are five years of age or so.  It is hard to leave when you are having a good time!  Same thing with places with  too many overwhelming choices; I was at the library the other day where a little boy (older toddler, probably close to three)  was just sobbing because his poor Mommy wanted him to choose books and he was completely and utterly overwhelmed!  He probably  would have been happier if she had just stopped at the library herself and brought the books home and snuggled with him.   Trying to be quiet AND not run AND pick books out of what probably looked like MILLIONS of books to him really was not working for this little guy. So I guess what I am saying is, please don’t expect too much too soon!  🙂
  • Understand toddler behavior and developmental ages.  There are so many posts on this blog about each age I can’t even count anymore!  Check them out; there is also a whole listing of baby/toddler posts under the Baby/Toddler header.
  • Have a set of tools for dealing with common toddler behaviors.  See here; this one covers running away in public places and face slapping and other fun behaviors (but also look for an upcoming post): https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/11/common-toddler-challenges-and-how-to-solve-them/
  • Structure the environment; your older baby/ toddler pretty much does need to be with you and under your eye at all times.  Don’t be afraid to put up a gate to block off where your little one needs to be.
  • Continue nursing if you can.  Nursing is a great toddler tool.  “Mothering Your Nursing Toddler” is a classic La Leche League book about the nursing toddler; and many  La Leche League groups have Toddler Meetings.  That is a great place to go and get support because everyone is going through what you are going through!  See this link to find a group in your area: www.lalecheleague.org
  • Continue to cultivate use of a sling if your little one will still ride in a backpack.  That really does help during preparation of food and such.  If this child is two or so, they may enjoy helping out with simple chores and running little errands for you around the house (like putting something in the trash, or wiping up a little spill).  They do want to please you, you are not on opposing teams here!
  • Stay away from negative people who tell you that your older baby or toddler is “manipulating” you or “defying” you.  I know this sounds really harsh, and I am sorry, but these people are unfortunately generally  uninformed regarding the development of the brain, childhood psychology and childhood development and just seem to lack a good sense of humor about children to boot!    Please see this post for help: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/16/a-few-fast-words-regarding-defiance-in-children-under-the-age-of-6/
  • Ask for what you need and get help.  Fathers are parents too!
  • Get outside every day.  Babies can crawl on the ground, it really is okay.  Toddlers can toddle.  Good times for all!
  • Work hard on rest, sleep and meal times.  These basic things are very important for small children. There are posts under the Baby/Toddler header regarding sleep.
  • Don’t be afraid to take naps and go to bed when your toddler goes to bed.  This is a short period and it is okay to do that!
  • Stay positive, sing and sing and have finger plays and Mother Goose rhymes at the ready.  Distraction is your number one tool!
  • Here is a post that addressed burn-out and some other intensive mothering issues:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/21/day-number-five-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-mother/

The last major tip I have is to think of these Early Years in this way:   most of us are in at least our fourth or fifth seven year cycle of life (look at those back posts on the Tapestries book, it was very interesting!), and these little ones are only in the beginning of their first.  It is very hard for us in general to enter this consciousness of the toddler.  Many times we give it way too much adult weight!  It takes a lot of practice, and  the more you can think humor and play and love, the less stressful the toddler years become! 

With joy,

Carrie

Looking For Waldorf Blogs

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Hi all!  I am looking for first through fourth grade Waldorf Blogs.  If you are having an adventure through one of those grades and posting activities of what you are working on, please leave your blog in the comment box below so others may find you!

Thank you!

Many blessings,

Carrie

New Christian Curriculum

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Here is a new curriculum from the wonderful Orthodox Christian mothers whose blogs I often read:

http://evlogia.typepad.com/letters/

(Update 12/10 — a kind mother pointed out to me this link is not working…here is the most up to date website I have:  http://evlogiaonline.com/.  Update 8/2014 – these links are not working.  I believe the author has a new blog no longer focused on this curriculum and the work of this curriculum has been picked up by a different Orthodox mother.  I think if you run a search you should be able to track it down).

This is a Orthodox Christian curriculum with some elements we find in Waldorf Education.  The authors have been working on this for awhile, and now it is officially “unveiled”.  I like how they showed so much honor to teaching through art, and their opening story of turning seven and being ready for more formal learning.  Very inspiring, and I hope helpful to some of you out there!

I am always on the look out for the names of any curriculums that are Christian with some alliance with the principles of Waldorf education, or any other religious affiliation with Waldorf elements, because mothers ask…It would be nice to have a resource here with a listing.  I know Judaic and Islamic families who  are also searching for a more tailored Waldorf curriculum. 

A few other Christian with Waldorf element kinds of curriculum/special occasion ideas:

http://ebeth.typepad.com/serendipity/along-the-alphabet-path-1.html

And Annette at Seasons of Joy’s wonderful Advent ebook:

http://naturalfamily.50megs.com/custom2_1.html

Please leave a comment!  I also know some of you have strong spiritual beliefs and have beautiful blogs, please feel free to leave those in the comment box as well.   🙂

Thank you for helping your fellow mothers and for everyone supporting each other,

Carrie