“Discipline For Preschoolers 3-5 Years”: “Discipline Without Distress”

We have followed the anthroposophical book “Tapestries” on this blog, which is a look at the seven-year cycles through the adult life span, and we are slowly making our way through this book.  I want to finish this book up as I would like to move forward to our new book soon!  Stay tuned for a surprise announcement as to what that next book will be!

Judy Arnall kicks off this chapter by reminding us of the world of the preschooler.  Children this age: are  learning about reality versus fantasy (although I would argue that elements of that fantasy world hang on strongly until the nine-year change; how many six and seven year olds still believe in Santa; how many still have that innate ability to feel one with nature?  But I digress..);   are having experiences with the natural consequences of their behavior:are  becoming aware of power and are  learning about that by engaging in power struggles (please do NOT confuse this with willful manipulation or defiance!  If you need a primer on “defiance” in the under seven crowd please see this post to help you out: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/16/a-few-fast-words-regarding-defiance-in-children-under-the-age-of-6/ ); beginning to learn about socially acceptable behavior; beginning to learn about rules (Carrie’s note: the knowledge of right and wrong really begins at about age five and it is just beginning; your three and four year olds  still don’t have a great grasp on it all!); are engaging in fantasy play and may have imaginary friends and such; may lie as a result of wishful thinking and fantasy but NOT MALICE (remember, four year olds are Master Boasters and Exaggerators, not liars! :))

She runs through the developmental milestones for age three (here are posts on this blog about that: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/19/peaceful-life-with-a-three-year-old/   and this one: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/18/three-year-old-behavior-challenges/   and realistic expectations for a three year old here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/28/realistic-expectations-day-number-ten-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-mother/).  She mentions improved appetite, using a fork (although I know many a four year old who would rather eat with their hands :)), very, very active; may drop afternoon nap, can take off all clothes and put on simple clothes; imitates speech of others, can peddle a tricycle.  Judy mentions a three year old can play cooperatively with children. I disagree, unless there are other adults to model off of and hold that space  or older children about to help carry it all. There is a reason school used to start around age five!   She mentions children this age  are beginning to express feelings with words, that three year olds are egocentric in thought and action with some empathy beginning to develop, anxious to please, accepts self as an individual.  The author also writes that no logical reasoning is present, a child this age believes inanimate objects are real, and  that “mythical and magical explanations are readily accepted for natural phenomena”, attention span is about fifteen minutes. 

For the four and five year old milestones, she notes such things as proficient with fork, spoon and cup (and again, I know many four and five year olds who would be  very content to eat with their fingers :)); no naps but sleeps 12 hours at night; very active with skipping and hopping on one foot; can throw overhand, can ride a scooter or two wheeled bike with training wheels (and some can ride a bike without training wheels as well is my note); hates to lose games, beginning of sex identification; has beginning emotions tied to social interaction with others such as guilt, insecurity, envy, confidence, humility; begins to respect simple rules (Carrie’s note is that four is the height of many out of bounds behavior, see the defiance post!); tensional outlets can be high, very honest and blunt; don’t really understand cause and effect at all; asks many questions about everything; beginning to distinguish between edible and non-edible substances; sentences are three and four words long; memory is rote and must start from the beginning to remember items in their order such as numbers or song verses; often confuses sequences of events; attention span is about 20 minutes.  Judy Arnall writes, “Does not recognize limits.  Just beginning to learn them.”  “Learning self-control but takes much practice.”  For further information about the four year old, see here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/08/discipline-for-the-four-year-old/  and for the five-year-old see here:https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/10/the-fabulous-five-year-old/    

She writes an UNHELPFUL parenting behavior is “Expecting more reason, understanding, and logic at this stage.  Not within the child’s capacity yet.”  Ways to parent helpfully for a child of this age include responding to questions simply, teaching and modeling appropriate behavior, talking about a limit (and I would add along with physical re-direction; words alone are not going to do it!); having predictable routines and rituals; nurturing child through touch, words, actions, feelings; parental self-care and all the helpful behaviors she listed in the babies and toddlers chapters.

THE MOST IMPORTANT DISCIPLINE TOOL FOR THIS AGE ( I would say outside of CONNECTION) is the ability to set a boundary and stay with that boundary.  You must honor your words, you must have thought things through ahead of time, and if you agree to do something, you must do it.  Judy does mention, “Again, at this age, use as few words as possible.”  (page 248). This backs up my view that we work with the BODIES of small children.    The author advocates choices; I would say many children do not do well with choices at this age and become frustrated as they pick something and then want the other thing, etc.  Please do think about what works for your child.  “Tell your children exactly what specific descriptive behavior you expect.”  I would add, SHOW THEM, do it WITH them.  This is important.  Judy Arnall advocates asking reflective questions; I think less questions for this age group actually.  The author talks about how changing the environment, so effective for younger ages, still works wonders for this age group.  Other helpful tools mentioned include parental time-outs, being polite and firm and kind, picking your battles and giving positive feedback.  There are other tools the author mentions, but I picked those out to highlight. 

Modeling is very important!  Judy Arnall writes, “Watch especially how you treat other people, from your partner all the way to the grocery clerk who gave you the wrong change.  Your children are picking up tone of voice, words, actions, and reactions, and they will copy them.”  “Modeling is such a powerful force, that it’s included as a tool in all age categories.  In fact, if all parents did was model correct behavior and didn’t correct their child on any negative behavior, children would be keen to learn how to behave properly in society, based on how the adults act.” Love this!

There is so much more in this chapter, including a checklist of natural consequences, a discussion regarding preschoolers and self-control, power struggles, how to nurture your child’s creativity, stages of play and how friendship evolves, timeless toys for all age groups, strategies to prepare your child for the arrival of a new baby, remedies for sibling rivalry, how to resolve issues without resentment, manners, chores or allowances or both?,  building a healthy self-esteem.

This is a great chapter, pick what resonates with you.  Parent with COURAGE!  You can do this!  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/05/parenting-with-courage/

Moving along to the six to twelve year old!

Many blessings,

Carrie

The Parenting Passageway: Now in Portuguese!

Here are the links:

http://acordagirassol.blogspot.com/2009/12/cultivando-quietude.html

http://acordagirassol.blogspot.com/2009/09/dez-boas-ferramentas-para-uma.html

Thank you so much, Andrea!  What a blessing!

Carrie

More About Starting Solids

“Around the globe, a variety of foods are used as baby’s first solid food.  In Oceania babies are given pre-chewed fish, grubs, and liver.  The Polynesians prefer a pudding-like mixture of breadfruit and coconut cream.  Inuit babies are started on seaweed and seal blubber, while Japanese healthcare providers recommend a thin rice porridge, eventually made thicker and topped with dried fish, tuna, tofu, and mashed pumpkin.”

from page 32 of Cynthia Lair’s excellent book “Feeding the Whole Family:  Recipes for Babies, Young Children, and Their Parents”  —(I highly recommend this book, it is about cooking once for    everyone and what to do from your meal for baby.  Here is the Amazon link:   http://www.amazon.com/Feeding-Whole-Family-Cooking-Foods/dp/157061525X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269912175&sr=1-1

These are some recommendations for what solid foods to bring in when according to Ruth Yaron’s “Super Baby Food” book and “Rainbow Green Live-Food Cuisine” by Gabriel Cousens.  I suggest you look at these books for yourself and see what resonates.  The listings here are NOT to be taken as medical advice, just ideas from what others have said.  If you have ANY history of food allergies, food sensitivities, it is always good to talk to your pediatrician before introducing those foods.  Go slow and introduce things one at a time before you combine food.

Also, this is a pretty vegetarian list, so you  will have to decide how you feel about meat and where that goes.  This list also includes homemade  grains, which many families delay.  Families may start with pureed food and around eleven months when children are more adept at picking up foods move to that.  Some families wait on solids a bit and the infant self feeds from the beginning.  La Leche League typically recommends making eating solids your infant’s own  project.  As far as amounts,  Cynthia Lair notes in her book, “Babies who have been eating solids for several months can be served about one-third to one-half cup of food at a sitting.”  Ruth Yaron’s book has many suggestions as well.  Please do take what resonates with you about this and do what works best for you and your family. 

Check this back post regarding signs for readiness to eat solids and other suggestions: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/11/starting-solids-with-your-infant-and-picky-toddler-eating/

More articles of interest:

http://www.llli.org/FAQ/solids.html

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBsolids.html

About raising a vegetarian child:

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBJulAug00p131.html

First foods:

Fresh Young coconut water, banana, ripe avocado, sweet potato,  peeled and cooked/pureed apples or pears

Six months and older:

Single grain homemade cereal: brown rice, millet; winter squash; cooked and strained apricots, peaches, pears, plums, nectarines, prunes and raw mild fruit: papaya, mango, pears;

** Carrie’s note:  I am not sure how I feel about mango; mangoes are related to the cashew family, so if that is an allergy in your family, ask your physician before introducing

Seven months and older:

Coconut pulp blended with water, homemade mixed grain cereal; hard cooked egg YOLK only ; peaches; cooked and pureed asparagus, carrots, green beans, peas, summer squash, white potatoes; diluted and strained mild fruit juices: apple, apricot, pear, grape, papaya, peach, prune,

** Carrie’s note:  Eggs can be a major allergen

Eight months and older:

Tahini; ground nuts (almonds, pistachios are mentioned by Gabriel Cousens); ground seeds (sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, hemp, chia); brewer’s yeast; powdered kelp in tiny amounts;; apricot; apple; cantaloupe; honeydew; kiwi fruit; plums; watermelon; broccoli; okra; cooked parsley; peeled and quartered grapes; finger foods (I am going to use freeze dried fruits), peeled figs, pitted cherries is mentioned by Gabriel Cousens,

**Carrie’s note:  Nuts and seeds can be major allergens; tahini is made from sesame seeds so if that is an allergen, ask your physician before introducing

Nine months and older:

Dried beans, lentils, split peas ground and cooked; pineapple; Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, spinach, beets, kale, eggplant, rhubarb, turnips, finely chopped raw parsley, cooked greens, cooked onion,  summer squash, turnips and rutabaga, rhubarb,  celery, buckwheat, sea vegetables  (Carrie’s note: Usually sea vegetables are given in one teaspoon or less amounts)

**Some families do whole milk  yogurt here; I think that depends how you feel about dairy

Ten months and older:

Thinned creamy nut butters; homemade bulgur cereal; homemade whole grain cornmeal cereal; whole grain pasta; ground sprouts; finely grated raw summer squash, carrots, greens, sweet peppers

**Carrie’s note:  Nuts can be a major allergen, so ask your physician if this is a concern in your family

Older than one year:

Dairy, citrus, tomatoes, hard cooked egg white,  strawberries, blueberries, and other berries cut into pieces (not whole)  Carrie’s note – these all  have allergen potential.  Go slow!

Happy Eating!  If you would like to help other mothers out and write when you have introduced some of the foods not likely to be found in typical baby books, please leave a comment below..

Carrie

Five Things Every Parent Needs

These are five things every parent needs to have right now; these are the keys to parenting!

Compassionate Connection :  Connection is the number one tool to parenting and to discipline, to that guiding of a child throughout these years at home.  You get it by choosing to connect with your child, by  choosing to view you and your child as being on the same team instead of being against each other.  You get it by choosing to love your child as you guide them over the bumps of life and development instead of being mad at them for being immature and making mistakes, which is what small children are and what small children do.

Kindness :  Kindness in the home is of utmost importance.  Your small child is watching everything you do and say and how you treat other people, including how you treat yourself.  How do you promote kindness in your home?  How do you model forgiveness for yourself for being human?  Try this one for ideas:   https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/03/kindness-in-your-home/

Gentleness:  Your child always deserves to have gentle hands.  If you cannot be gentle with them, you must take a parent time-out.  You can set a boundary, stick to a boundary, and still be gentle.  It is possible!  You can parent peacefully!   See here for one of the many posts about this on this blog:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/05/an-emergency-how-to-how-to-parent-peacefully-with-children-under-age-9/

and here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/17/raising-peaceful-children/

Patience:  Many parents will ruefully sigh and say, “I am not patient enough with my child.”  I agree it is important to have patience regarding the day to day and minute to minute interactions with your child; I have many posts about that,  but the kind of patience I am really talking about right now  is being patient with the process of DEVELOPMENT. This means not rushing a child out of childhood, and being willing to set boundaries to preserve that child’s innocence in early childhood and in the grades of school as well.     Understanding developmental stages and having realistic expectations for each age is vital.  There are many posts on this blog about this, all the developmental stages are currently covered from the age of twelve months through age nine.  There are also many posts regarding  babies under the “Baby and Toddler” header.  Here is one post regarding patience for your reading pleasure:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/10/15/the-power-of-patience-day-number-18-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-parent/

Maturity:  Having a baby and a small child in the home SHOULD cause a change in your lifestyle.  Please do not use the fact you are breastfeeding and can carry your child in a  sling as an excuse to drag your child to all kinds of adult places.  Why should your toddler  behave while you have coffee with a friend?  Why should your small baby sleep through the night when biologically they are not there yet?  Why should your toddler or preschooler willingly separate from you when they consider themselves to be a part of you?    Have the maturity to know that this is a season, this too shall pass, and that these early years of childhood are remarkably short. 

A Positive Attitude! I have written about this repeatedly.  Here are a few back posts for your reading pleasure: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/19/day-number-three-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-mother/

and here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/17/the-power-of-being-a-positive-mother/

Simple Parenting at its best!  Peaceful March with Simple Parenting!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Handwork Within the Waldorf Curriculum

Our Waldorf homeschool group has the great, great fortune of having a very experienced Waldorf Handwork teacher who teaches both children and adult handwork classes!   Not every Waldorf homeschooling family is so lucky, and so I asked our teacher if she would be willing to write an article for you all regarding Handwork within the Waldorf curriculum.

So, without further ado,  please do let me introduce you to our wonderful  handwork teacher!  Judy Forster grew up in a family where all kinds of Handwork were important and appreciated. While working as an adjunct instructor of English, she was happily recruited to her first position teaching Handwork at the Susquehanna Waldorf School where her son was a kindergarten student and her husband had taught German. She completed the first Applied Arts training offered in the United States at Sunbridge College. Over the years, Judy has taught Handwork to students of all ages in Waldorf schools and private schools, for homeschool Collectives, and at summer camps. She is currently working at home while enjoying time with her toddler daughter; her son is now in college. Judy teaches homeschool students, homeschool parents, and runs her on-line business for naturally plant dyed stuff at  Mama Jude’s Plant Dyed Stuff

http://www.mamajudes.etsy.com

And here is a fabulous article she wrote; I hope you all find it useful!

Handwork—An Integral Part of the Waldorf Curriculum

by Judy Forster

Waldorf Education has many unique aspects that add to the richness of the overall curriculum. One of these aspects is the handwork curriculum, but what exactly is handwork, and why is it such an important part of the larger Waldorf curriculum? In most Waldorf schools, handwork includes, but is not limited to, knitting, crocheting, hand sewing, embroidery, cross stitch, wet felting, paper crafts and machine sewing. It is taught as a specific subject, but it often permeates other aspects of the curriculum.

Many handwork skills are integral to various cultures around the world. In our modern society, many of us often see handwork, but we don’t always realize what it is or how it happens. When you buy a crocheted purse at Target, you many not realize that somewhere in the world someone is busily crocheting those purses. Any item of clothing you buy was probably sewn by someone on a sewing machine. In the past, a sewing machine was a staple of many homes, like a stove or an iron. Nowadays, not every child can identify a sewing machine or realize its purpose.

Many of the examples of handwork around us are mass produced, and that mass production is often guided by need and provides a livelihood for many around the world. However, handwork can be a very individual task as well. What many of us often forget is that these practical tasks are often connected to the intellectual and creative aspects of a human being, and it is this impulse that was strongly felt by the founder of Waldorf schools, Rudolf Steiner. Handwork has been a part of general education of the human being for a long time. It arose out of necessity, such as the need for clothes or useful items, but often evolved with a more complex purpose. You might imagine the complicated patterns found on rugs in the Middle East or the American southwest—needed household items infused with symbolism and meaning. Even in our own country up until the 1980’s, aspects of handwork were still taught in many public schools under the name of home economics. When we move away from handwork as a part of education, something is lost. Steiner recognized this and formally integrated handwork into his curriculum for the Waldorf schools.

Knitting, which is taught in first grade, was an aspect of handwork that especially appealed to Steiner. He often referred to “thinking as cosmic knitting.” When you take ideas and put them together to form more complicated thoughts, it is similar to the process of knitting where one thread is pulled up again and again to create a fabric. But handwork for the Waldorf student starts much earlier than first grade knitting. Handwork begins in the Waldorf kindergarten. It may appear as the chopping of vegetables for soup, the kneading of bread dough, making a belt from a finger chain or a crown from flowers, folding your napkin, or even as basic as tying your shoes. These simple activities are the foundation for a sense of self reliance and also create an unconscious pool of knowledge which can be drawn from when later subjects such as physics, geometry, or other areas of math and science.

The handwork curriculum weaves through the grades. Very simple knitting, which often has a balanced sense of using both hands, is taught in first grade. Often the faeries might come and help out with a dropped stitch or if someone is a bit behind in his or her work. Basic knitting skills such as casting on, casting off, changing colors, simple increasing and decreasing, hiding ends, and sewing up a project are introduced, refined, and developed during the knitting journey of first and second grade.

Crochet, which focuses more on a child’s dominant hand—the one used for writing, may begin in second grade and is often one of the mainstays of third grade. Sometimes in third or fourth grade there is a return to knitting. Purling is often taught around this age or later. The backward gesture of purling, as opposed to the forward gesture of knitting, is taught at a time when children have left the dreamy world of first and second grade and can be more aware of the world around them—especially the “backward space” behind them. In third or fourth grade, students are often introduced to simple embroidery and the use of a sharp needle. This activity ties in with the awakening that accompanies the 9-10 change.

In fourth grade the emphasis is also on cross stitch as the students begin the journey of crossing from childhood into adolescence. Many of the mirror image patterns used in fourth grade tie in with the teaching of fractions and the concept of equal parts. Fifth grade is devoted to knitting in the round which almost always includes socks but can also include mittens or hats. (Keep in mind that the curriculum has flexibility for location—one might not knit socks when one lives in the tropics.) These complicated projects reinforce many mathematical concepts.

In grades six and seven, students will often undertake long term sewing projects such as dolls or stuffed animals often creating their own patterns. Sometimes wet felting is introduced in grade seven. This activity is physically all-encompassing and readily meets the middle school student as their bodies grow and change. Eighth grade often focuses on machine sewing which ties in with the study of the industrial revolution. In the high school, handwork is often transformed into the practical arts which are taught by master craftsmen. The subjects may include but are not limited to blacksmithing, hand spinning, quilting, copper bashing, advanced woodworking, cabinetry, advanced machine sewing, weaving, basket making, and book binding. As the curriculum progresses through the grades, students continue to build confidence and learn new skills every step of the way.

There are other hidden gifts found within the handwork curriculum. Current research shows a connection between fine motor skills and brain development.  Activities such as knitting or crocheting also involve using both sides of the brain. Other skills reinforced by handwork are as basic as eye tracking and numeracy. The eye tracking which can be as simple as following a stitch from one knitting needle to the other or creating a mirror image pattern on a cross stitch bookmark is a big help for developing and strengthening reading skills. Number skills are essential to all types of handwork—knitting, crocheting, sewing, cross stitch. How many stitches did you cast on? Did you lose any? How far apart are your running stitches? How much do you add to this pattern for your seam allowance?

In addition to the sense of self reliance and the intellectual aspects addressed in handwork, there are creative and heartfelt aspects as well. There are artistic and expressive opportunities for students within the work. Students often give the items they make as gifts to loved ones. Sometimes a class may make an entire project for another group. For example, a community service group made up of seventh and eighth graders might sew pillow cases for a daycare or knit hats for newborns. On a more widespread note of care, handwork can instill a sense of value and concern for the environment. If you can sew a hole in your jeans or replace a button on an article of clothing, those items can continue to have use. So often our society tends towards the disposable gesture. Instead of throwing something out, we can repair it and continue to use it. In addition, Waldorf schools often use natural materials. These materials, such as wool, cotton, linen, silk, or rayon, come from renewable resources unlike petroleum based fibers.

Currently handwork has seen a rise in popularity in America. Celebrities have helped to make handwork trendy by writing books of handwork patterns or creating their own lines of yarn. (And we are grateful for the joy and awareness this brings!) But in the Waldorf schools, handwork is here to stay. Like all of the aspects of Waldorf education, the handwork curriculum integrates the intellect, a sense of care, and practical skills to create strong human beings ready to meet the world.

Many thanks to Ms.  Judy for this wonderful article!  Please do go visit her Etsy shop at   http://www.mamajudes.etsy.com

Many blessings,

Carrie

How Do I Dig For My Dream?

Somewhere in that shuffle of marriage,of being a wife or husband, of being a husband or mother,  in the middle of parenting in a mindful way….dreams we once had often seem so distant.  Our dreams before we had children may also now seem irrelevant because we have shifted and grown as human beings.  We may no longer know what dream we have outside of parenting, putting food on the table, homeschooling.  How do we discover our current passion?  What could we be working on that is just ours alone?  If we discover a passion and then we want time alone to pursue that, is that selfish and not to be had in this season of life?

I think it is okay to have a passion not related to your children or your marriage.  These passions and desires make you who you are, and also show your evolution and your growth as a human being throughout these cycles.   Your children will not be under the age of 9 forever, and yes, they will need your presence still, but you will be able to garner a bit more time.

What is your passion right now? What is really interesting to you?  If you cannot think of what your passion outside of your own family might be, what is it that really breaks your heart?

That sounds so incredibly odd, doesn’t it?  What breaks my heart?  Really, what kind of question is that?

It is just that sometimes I find the very thing that you see that breaks your heart turns out the biggest way you can contribute to your community, to your friends, to the people who need whatever experience or passion you have to offer.  In the words of the 13th century Persian poet Rumi, “The hurt that we embrace becomes our joy.”

You all can probably guess my passion; my passion is to build connected families, to encourage strong marriages, for  parents to connect with their children and to understand normal development across the human arc so they can educate and parent and gently guide in the most optimal way so their children can grow up into healthy adults.  I get to this  through my traditional medical background, through the seven year cycles and three and four fold human being and the twelve sense, through attachment parenting and gentle discipline and through Waldorf Education.  If you look at my “About” page, you will see the total mishmash of Things That Make Up Carrie.  And for years, I had absolutely no idea how any of that could fit together and help me or anyone else.

Maybe you are a bit like me; wondering what this chapter of your life holds outside of parenting and thinking, hmm, in twenty years or so when my children are gone, what will I be doing?  That is an interesting question!

So what is your passion?  What breaks your heart?  What brings you the most joy?  What do people say you are really, really good at?   Probably in that realm is where you will find your passion and ignite your dream. 

One thing to me that is vital in discovering this passion is having your own time each day to SIT QUIETLY.  This is time for your own inner work, your own time to see if you can hear that small, still voice.  For me, this is the time I use to read the Bible, to encourage myself when I feel low or down, my time to pray and try to discern what I need to hear.  To discern what is essential. When is your quiet time, and what do you do during your quiet time?  I would love to know; please do leave me a comment and share!

So, my final suggestion is to grab that wonderful sketchbook and do some writing or drawing.  Set a timer for ten minutes and just write what comes into your mind.  It may surprise you what dreams are lying right under the surface…

Many blessings,

Carrie

Make Your Voice Heard With Alliance For Childhood!

This came into my mailbox and thought I would pass it on; it concerns the common core standards for childhood education.  These core standards, as far as I can see, are not at all based upon any form of traditional childhood development standards as we know of…Please read on for how you can help!

Alliance for Childhood

P.O. Box 444, College Park, MD 20741

Tel/Fax 301-779-1033

www.allianceforchildhood.org

Update—March 2010:  Rethink the “Core Standards”

 

Dear Friends,
As many of you know, the Alliance for Childhood is gravely concerned about the newly proposed “common core standards” for children in kindergarten and the early grades. Hundreds of early childhood health and education professionals have signed the Alliance’s joint statement on the K-3 standards calling for their withdrawal. Now is the time for each of you to take action on this critical issue.
After months of drafting in secrecy, the final proposed version of the K-12 standards was released by the National Governors Association (NGA) and the Council of Chief State School Officers (CCSSO) on March 10. Some aspects of this version are better than the draft that was leaked to the press in January; some are worse. But overall we are sure these standards will intensify an already inappropriate emphasis on cognitive development of young children that is divorced from social-emotional and physical development. Current practices are already causing enormous stress in children’s lives. These new standards will add to that.
The NGA and CCSSO have announced that the proposed standards are “available for comment” until April 2, after which they will revise the standards and issue the final version. Unfortunately, this is not a true public comment process, such as would be required for an important piece of legislation moving through Congress. Yet the federal government has announced that billions of tax dollars—including “Race to the Top” and Title I education funds—will be tied to states’ adopting these standards. We are deeply troubled by this entire process.

The NGA and CCSSO have set up an online survey to collect comments. The survey is rather confusing. Here are the steps you need to take to ask that the early childhood standards be withdrawn and reconsidered:

1. Go to www.corestandards.org.

2. Scroll to the bottom of the home page and click on the link to the questionnaire.

3. At the “Section 2—Feedback” page, choose the third option, “English Language Arts and Mathematics Standards.”

4. The next page asks you to “select the level of feedback you would like to give.” Choose the second option, “General Feedback and Feedback on Specific Sections.”

5. On the “Specific Feedback—English Language Arts” page, check the four boxes for K-5 (Reading, Writing, Speaking and Listening, and Language). This will enable you to select “Remove or entirely rewrite” as your preference if you agree with our position.

6. On the “Specific Feedback—Mathematics” page, check the four boxes for Kindergarten, Grade 1, Grade 2, and Grade 3. This will enable you to select “Remove or entirely rewrite.”

It is vital that you submit comments and get friends and colleagues to do the same. It’s a small window of time between now and April 2, but the biggest one Americans have had yet to speak out about the need for strong, experiential, play-based approaches to early education. Use the boxes for “additional comments” in the questionnaire to inform policymakers about your own experiences and concerns about early education.
See the Alliance web site, www.allianceforchildhood.org, to read our statement on the standards, the comments of many of the signers, and more details on how you can respond. Policymakers need to hear from us all, especially parents and teachers. Their voices are rarely heard on educational issues. It’s time to act.

Carrie here:  This was a message I received in my in-box and it was too important to not pass it on.  Thanks for your help!

Many Blessings,

Carrie

“Discipline Without Distress”: Discipline Tools for Toddlers 1-2 Years: Action

Judy Arnall starts this chapter with this observation that I  see all the time, “Parents believe if they don’t nip many behaviors in the bud at this stage, the behaviors will grow and become monstrous later on and their children will be destined to become criminals because they were too lenient when they were toddlers.  NOT TRUE!”

The toddler stage does not involve reasoning.  There is no reasoning yet.  Toddlers are just realizing they can’t always get what they want, and this leads to temper tantrums.  Your toddler is “doing” and the best you can do as a parent is to childproof, supervise, redirect, distract, provide substitutions, pick up your toddler and move them around with your gentle hands away from danger or situations that they shouldn’t be into. 

Toddlers can sometimes follow two word commands.  On this blog, I write from a traditional perspective and also a Waldorf perspective.  The Waldorf perspective on this would be to engage the child’s body and not expect a tiny child to follow a verbal command only.  You cannot parent a toddler from the couch. 🙂  GET UP!

A toddler is going to express negativity. “ No”  has power, “no”  has meaning.  Toddlers often use their body to express their negativity – hitting, biting, pushing – because their words are not totally there yet.  Even the ones that are “verbally” advanced lose their words when they become upset!  They want to be independent (the “me do it” stage), but still need help.  They don’t play with other children yet, they have fears of things such as thunder or animals or vacuum cleaners.  Their thinking really is “this is here, this is now” without much  memory involved.  They do, however,  IMITATE what YOU do!

Saying no frequently is not helpful in guiding your child – tell them what you would like to see, and better yet, SHOW THEM.   Childproof your environment so you don’t have to say NO fifty times a day.  Also, Judy Arnall points out that “parents have no control over eating, sleeping, toileting, and learning.  The parent can facilitate those processes, but not force them.”  This is something important for a parent to come to grips with.

She lists a page of discipline tools for toddlers including staying with your no, changing the environment, planning ahead, having routines, holding and carrying and restraining the child as needed, giving encouragement, ignoring some things if you can, time-in (see my take on “Time In for Tinies” here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/12/more-about-time-in-for-tinies/  ), saying no another way, letting the child have their feelings (my note is that you can’t “fix” how another person feels!  Let them have their feelings!), supervision, parent time-outs, modeling, redirection, holding, hugs and many more tips. 

The author recommends anticipating problems ahead of time and planning ahead.  She also says “avoid play places if you know they get frustrated and hit other children.”  Provide toys whilst changing a diaper or change the diaper standing up or in front of a mirror.  She talks extensively about the fact that toddlers love routines, and also gives examples of some “routines” that small children can do – for example, hanging towels after taking a bath, putting clothes in the basket, everyone carrying their things in from the car.  Essentially, you are laying down the house rules and chores that will become embedded in the existence of a three and four year old.  A three and four year old really knows and understands how things work in your house!

Judy Arnall has sections in this chapter regarding toilet learning, handling emotion, toddler sleep problems, why toddlers don’t understand rules, separation anxiety and how to deal with it, picky eating, toddler aggression and tips for handling this….Another great chapter!

This book deserves a home on your shelf!  Check out Amazon for a copy!

Many blessings,

Carrie

More About The Spring Cleaning of The Mind

This can be a tough time of year for homeschooling mothers; serious burn-out and lack of motivation seems to prevail.  Our minds sometimes are more on our seed catalogs and what to get for next year’s curriculum than the here and now.

I think this a great time of year to stop and take stock of where you are in your homeschooling, where your children are, and what are the essential things to get done before the end of the school year.  I also think it can be a nice time of year to plan some things for outside once your weather cooperates and to think of the DOING and the experiences one could create with your grades children, and how to bring awe and reverence to the younger children.

I think every year it is also wise to look at each child, to look at their homeschooling adventure this year and to decide with fresh eyes to homeschool again.  To really commit to that with a new heart, a new love.  Do you have a mission statement for your homeschool?  Are you happy overall with the way things have progressed in your homeschool this year?  What needs to be different?

If you are not homeschooling, perhaps this is a wonderful time to re-commit yourself to your family.  Write that family mission statement or update it.  Commit to that date at home with your spouse after your children go to bed.  Commit to that Family Game Night with the kids!  Connect with each other and love each other!

And dig deep within yourself; replenish that well.  Spend time in creativity, and with good friends and build yourself up.  Think about what your dreams are, and whilst this season of child-rearing is busy, perhaps there are ways to work toward your dreams in small increments. I just signed up for an Internet course that I am very excited about, for example.  It is a small, do-able step toward my eventual goals.

What are your dreams?  Journal, draw, write it all down.

Happy Spring Cleaning!

Blessings,

Carrie

“Discipline Without Distress”: Tools for Discipline of Infants

Yes, we are still going through this book!  I am looking forward to getting through to the end of it, though, because I have another book I really want to delve into on this blog (a surprise! :))

Today’s chapter is Chapter 7:  Discipline Tools for Baby 0-1 Years:  Attachment.  It seems difficult to some of us that we need to even discuss “discipline” of this first year of life, but since a 1994 Canadian study showed that 19 percent of US mothers spanked their children under one year of age, I guess that we must address this.  There is also an attitude, at least here in the United States, that an older  baby could be “manipulating” a mother by his or her behavior  (this one baffles me, but I hear it a lot in mainstream parenting circles, so I thought I would throw it out there!).

Author Judy Arnall writes:  “We discuss discipline tools with a baby for two reasons.  First, the baby year is a time for bonding, attachment and relationship connection; a solid concrete foundation that effective discipline is built upon.  Also, the literal interpretation of the word “discipline” means to teach.  We “teach” babies from the moment they are born, by our responsiveness and nurturing, that they are loved and cared for.” 

An older baby is  mobile and yes, often  “getting into things”.  They are gross motor driven.  They cry and fuss to make their needs known.  They may cry and you may not be able to uncover the reason at all.  They sleep, they make a lot of noise (screeching, gurgling, cooing, babbling, repetitive syllables).  They look at things, they explore things and put things in their mouth to taste them and explore them.  They also  IMITATE YOU.

Judy Arnall also reminds us of the stranger anxiety many babies experience at around eight months (usually 8 to 15 months or so).  Do not expect your baby to be happy to go to and with just anyone!  Ten months is the beginning of separation anxiety and they do not want to leave their main caregiver.  Separation anxiety can last throughout the early years, the baby has an intense need for his or her mother throughout those years.  If you meet his needs to be dependent upon you, he will feel much more secure!

The best discipline tools for a baby are BEING RESPONSIVE when a baby cries, to hold, sing, speak, love your baby with gentle words and gentle hands.  Author Judy Arnall lists the discipline tools for babies as being PARENT time-out, fulfill the baby’s needs, learn about child development, substitution,  supervision, prevention, redirection, change environment, distraction, spending time together, parenting problem-solving, holding, hugs and cuddles.  She also adds using active listening and I-statements.  I guess these tools could sound very radical to a parent who has never heard of them or knows no other ways.  Sometimes these things don’t actually come naturally to parents.  This chapter gives great examples of each of these things.

One thing the author reminds us is that up until age TEN, children need constant supervision by an adult who is engaged with them.  She also writes about the importance of prevention:   if your child is doing something due to a developmental phase, have a plan as to how you will respond to it in the future.  She talks about saying positive things to your baby, such as “I love you!” “I am so glad you are mine!”  I like that idea of that warmth and  joy and love!  So, stop complaining and replace those complaints with positive thinking and positive things to say to your child!

She writes an entire section on sleep issues and how a one-year-old has a very limited memory and almost no cognitive reasoning skills so therefore a baby cannot “manipulate” you regarding sleep.  She writes about the dangers of “crying it out” which I whole heartedly agree with.  She also writes strongly about how the first three years of a child’s life as critical for developing trust in an adult caregiver, and how it is important to respond to your child.  This is important, even at night!  Parenting does not stop at nighttime!

She asks readers to “reconsider co-sleeping” and talks about how to make a safer family bed.  I completely endorse co-sleeping if that works for your family and have written a post about it here a long time ago:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/16/co-sleeping-and-nighttime-parenting/ .  The Dr. Sears books also talk in depth about co-sleeping.  Co-sleeping does not always mean sharing a sleep surface.  For example,  it can also mean a sidecar approach with a crib or co-sleeper, or putting your king sized mattress on the floor so no one can roll off or having a bed in your room for your children.   There are many tips for safer co-sleeping on the Mothering Magazine website, Dr. Sears website (here is just one example of talking about safer cosleeping on the Sears Family website:  http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp)  and in many books.  Check it out and devise a plan that works for your baby and for your family.   

This chapter talks about many ways to soothe a crying baby – go through your mini-checklist:  illness, food, diaper, gas, clothing tags, too hot/too cold, is the baby just waking up and really needs to go back to sleep?, try motion, try white noise, try babywearing, swaddling, rocking, humming, check and see if baby is overstimulated and really just needs a dim, quiet place to calm down. 

She talks about colic, about parents taking a time out, about parental actions that build a child’s sense of security.  She has a whole section on marriage and  how having a baby affects marriage and tips for that season in marriage. 

I recommend this book over and over, and over.  Here is the Amazon link:  http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Without-Distress-responsible-punishment/dp/0978050908/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269482616&sr=8-1

Much love,

Carrie