Peaceful Living with Your Super Seven-Year-Old

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The seven-year-old is entering a new phase in life in many ways, and there are some specific ways that they need support from you as the parent:

  • A seven-year-old still needs PROTECTION of their senses and of how much they are doing in any one day.  A seven-year-old wants to do everything and anything, but as the Gesell Institute points out, a hallmark of the seven-year-old is fatigue.  They need you to establish good bedtimes (7:30 is not too early for a busy seven-year-old!) and they need you to help them limit their activities.
  • The Gesell Institute also mentions that many seven-year-olds with fall birthdays may not be ready for second grade at all.  This is not typically a problem in the Waldorf curriculum due to most second graders should be close to eight in second grade, but do take heed if school is not going well.
  • A seven-year-old needs PROTECTION from dry facts, boring teaching, and adult intellectualization.  A seven-year-old is still not in the realm of logical thought.  Steiner strongly felt this age should be taught through parables, stories, stories about great men and women (pretty forward thinking for that day and age, adding the “great women” in there!), and not providing dry conclusions of “this is the way it is”.  His thought was this really stifled the thought process and independent judgment making that a teenager of aged 14 and up would go through at that time.
  • Therefore, it goes without saying, your seven-year-old still does not need too much explanation about things.  Simples explanation, yes, but still needs stories and analogies about things in life.
  • Physical movement is still REALLY important, and I am not talking about organized sports.  I am talking about PLAYING and being outside in nature where they create the games themselves.  Seven-year-olds should still be playing!  The Gesell Institute mentions that adult supervision is still important when they play because sevens become excited and wild which can often end in “destruction of  material or personal altercation.”  Also, be aware many seven-year-olds are not too compassionate of those they deem “different” and while they thrive on group praise per Gesell Institute, most sevens also do not seem to “need” friends the way they did when they were six.
  • Steiner felt the most important things to provide this age outside of stories was showing the child through pictorial imagery that something exists above Man (his idea of showing the child the  “supersensible” ), community and having a circle of people the child can trust is important, beauty, art, music and rhythm, the formation of good habits and the development of memory.  If you would like more information on this, please refer to this post: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/17/inspirational-words-from-steiners-the-education-of-the-child-regarding-teaching-of-the-7-14-year-old/
  • Seven-year-olds are more contained, quiet, and tend to cry easily “at any, every, or even no provocation.”  Be careful becoming irritable or critical of the people a seven-year-old says is picking on them or hates them….Sevens rather like being gloomy and complaining.  Try not to take it too seriously, unless you really do think it is a bullying issue at school or something else more serious.  However, not taking it too seriously does not mean you do not treat the complaints that no one likes me, etc, etc as if they are real.  The feelings are real to your child!  So, don’t get dragged too far into it all, but also acknowledge how your child feels.
  • Seven-year-olds think about death, dying, killing, violence.  This is why the archetypal fairy tales found in the Waldorf curriculum are wonderful for this age.  Take all the wild talk calmly!  You can sometimes say something to the effect that children think these things, but add in that, “Of course we wouldn’t do that here in our house.”
  • If your child is rude, please do be calm.  Treat the rudeness in the  matter-of-fact manner as you would any other bad behavior.
  • A seven-year-old is likely to be fearful of many things; again, these feelings are real to the child so you can be sympathetic and compassionate without being completely dragged into it all.  Don’t YOU be frightened of your child’s fears; that provides the child no sense of security at all!
  • Know that a seven-year-old still will most likely touch, manipulate and play with anything that catches their eye.
  • Most sevens are procrastinators, have short memory spans per Gesell (which makes perfect sense to we Waldorf people that memory is forming and being placed into play as something important now); they have a tendency to get very distracted easily.  Sevens also try to be perfect and need reminding that no one is perfect or should be perfect.
  • Help your child take mistakes as calmly as possible, and if possible how to laugh at themselves a bit when they do make a mistake.  Help your child to work toward best effort as an achievement and not the whole win-lose thing.  Stories that involve these notions can be very helpful, also stories where the person has to work hard to get a result, since most sevens would like to do something perfectly right off the bat.
  • Your seven-year-old will argue with you in a sense, asking “Why?”  “Why?” over and over, more almost as a stalling technique for whatever you asked them to do.  Do NOT overtalk to them!  If you need help, see my post entitled, “Stop Talking!  (”https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/14/stop-talking/)  But do make sure your child has heard you- sometimes they really don’t hear you!
  • As always, pick your battles as to the things that are MOST important for your family.

 

Here is to peaceful and respectful living with our children,

Carrie

Your Super Seven-Year-Old: Traditional and Anthroposophical Views of Development, Part Two

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We took a peek at the seven-year old through a model of traditional childhood development with our friends at the Gesell Institute in their wonderful book, “Your Seven-Year-Old”.  Today we are going to look at the seven-year-old through an anthroposophical lens of Waldorf parenting and education.  Please take what resonates with you; if you are not familiar with Waldorf education some of these ideas may seem startling.  Some of these ideas may not mesh with your own religious beliefs or your viewpoint, so you must decide if these ideas even work for you.  I tend to view the child from more of a body/soul/spirit Judeo-Christian perspective, but I put this here so you can decide how you feel. 

The seven-year-old is beginning the second seven year cycle of their life.  The child is seen as still incarnating into the physical body, but now the etheric body is forming and developing.  If you have forgotten all about the notion of Steiner’s four-fold human being, here is the quick review of the four components from the book “The Physiology of Childhood” by Schoorel:

  • The physical body – the physical body takes and requires space.  The physical body is born into the inner world  during the first month of pregnancy, and is born into the outer world with the birth of the physical body of the infant.
  • The ether body – maintains all life in the human being, animal, or plant.  It encompasses such diverse things as breathing, biochemical processes.  When the ether body is gone from the physical body, the physical body is dead.  The ether body is not visible to the human eye (this makes sense, doesn’t it, if the ether body is all chemical reactions and such) but some of the ACTIONS of the ether body we CAN see, such as biorhythms, heartbeats, brainwaves, the menstrual cycle of the female.  The ether body is born into the inner world of the child when the child starts to take care of their own life processes outside of the mother – breathing, digestion, warmth, metabolism.  The ether body is seen being born into the outside world around the age of 7, as signaled by the appearance of the permanent teeth.
  • The astral body – the bearer of abilities: behavior, the ability to think, to feel, to will; sympathy, antipathy, the ability to have wishes, desires, passions.    In anthroposophy, the astral body cannot be seen, but some of the ACTIONS  of the astral body can be seen within the inner organs and the nervous system.  Schoorel goes on to write on page 26 that:

“The astral body is, among others, the carrier of desires, emotions, and egoism.  During the first years, the astral body does not work in the body of the child under the child’s direction.  During the first three years, children are not egoistic but innocent, neutral, and objective in their behavior and actions.  The first three years lay the physical foundation of the three main functions of the soul – willing, feeling, and thinking.  This foundation is laid through the fact that children learn to walk in their first year, learn to speak in their second year, and learn to  think in their third year.”

At about the age of three, the astral body is born into the inner world of the child; it is born into the outer world at the age of 14.

  • The I-organization- is a system of intentions, directions, goals.  The I-organization is the bodily foundation of the human I.  The human-I is a spiritual being where one learns how it can do good out of free choices.  Steiner believed that when the physical body died, the I would go toward further incarnation and leave the I-organization behind.  The I-organization activity is internalized around the age of 10 and is then born into the outer world around the age of 21.

So, the child is growing and changing and needing different things to support the etheric body as it forms and also to  consolidate the incarnation into the physical body.  In Kindergarten, the emphasis is on WILLING.  Now the emphasis is on FEELING.  In Kindergarten, the main goal included creating a sense of GRATITUDE.  Now the goals center around the child’s response to AUTHORITY (remember, not mean nasty authority, but a natural love for teacher, people they can trust).  This is the time to foster a sense of community, of LOVE, of beauty.

I have written many posts on the six/seven year transformation, and you can access those in the tags box.  That will provide needed background so you can understand what the seven year needs for peaceful living.

Peace,

Carrie

The Development of Morality Versus the Development of Faith

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(The post today is about morality and faith and big issues.  It is not meant to be inflammatory in any way, and if this topic does not interest you, or is upsetting to you, please do feel free to skip it and come back for a different post next time!  And, as always, please choose to take what resonates with you and your family and your personal faith and your own journey and leave the rest here!)

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, I received a copy of Kenneth Taylor’s children’s book “Right Choices.”  I assumed this book would not bother me.

This book really bothered me.

The  book, I felt,  just really hit small children over the head with situations where the children make good and bad choices and then bible quotes.   It was so cut and dry, and so moralistic and so pointed and direct.   It bothered me for those reasons,  but I could not figure out why it bothered me so much more than that for several years now.  And now I just figured it out in the midst of reading another wonderful book called, “Helping Our Children Grow in Faith,” by Robert Keeley.  It is written from a Reformed Christian perspective, so it may not be of interest to everyone, but I found a bunch of things in it that made me go “A-HA!”

Keeley writes about the development of MORALITY and the development of FAITH and how these are not the same things at all. 

He writes about the development of faith as according to James Fowler.  There are six stages, and some of them overlap certain ages:

Stage 1 – Intuitive-Projective Faith (ages 2-6).  Filled with fantasy, powerful images, and imagination.  The child reflects the parents’ faith.

Stage 2 – Mythic-Literal Faith (ages 6-12).  The circle of influence widens to include other people besides the parents.  Faith at this stage is pretty straightforward and includes few “gray areas”

Stage 3- Synthetic-Conventional Faith (ages 12-???)  The importance of belonging to a group typifies this stage for adolescents; for adults in this stage belonging to a community of other people who have the same beliefs is important

Stage 4- Individuative-Reflective Faith (ages 18-???)  In this stage people take personal responsibility for their own faith, often questioning and exploring and figuring out what they truly believe.

Stage 5- Conjunctive Faith (ages 30-???) In this stage people find that many of the faith practices that they threw off or discarded during the previous period may be more valuable than they originally thought.  This is the stage where people “own their own faith.”

Stage 6- Universalizing Faith (ages?????)  Faith becomes a commitment, more than a set of beliefs.  Few people ever reach this stage.

Contrast this to Lawrence Kohlberg’s theory of moral development:

Stage 1-avoiding punishment (You make moral judgments based on if you will get “punished” or not)

Stage 2-reciprocity (You make moral judgments on the basis of satisfying your own needs and wants)

Stage 3-good boy/nice girls (People make moral judgments on the basis of wanting others to think they are nice people)

Stage 4- law and order (People make judgments based on the basis of external authority).

Stage 5- social contract and individual rights (People make more judgments based upon the principles behind the law, not so much the laws)

Stage 6 – universal ethical principles (People make moral judgments based on self-chosen ethical principles, such as human rights and the dignity of all people.

Until about age 7 or 8, the source of authority in making moral judgments is SELF-INTEREST.  There is so much going on these days with teaching small children about the environment, and homelessness and other social justice topics.  Many of you know I frequently meditate on social justice topics, but guess what?  A child is not going to make moral judgments based upon universal ethical principles at this point – they are going to make judgments of being in the moment, for self interest.  Even according to Piaget, children of this age, up to 7 or 8, really do not have the mental ability to put themselves in someone else’s perspective. 

(And you may say, well Carrie, my child can do this!   And I am here to tell you most likely that is a firstborn oldest girl whom you have probably talked a lot with!  I wrote in one of my other recent posts how we place, often unconsciously, a large amount of pressure on our eldest girls when they are six, seven and eight and really do expect them to be more mature than they are….So if your child can do this skill, that really, according to every expert out there, is not where a seven or eight year old should even be, then I suggest you make sure to give them plenty of opportunities to be a child!  Don’t expect them to be a ten year old in a six year old body, please!)

Anyway, Keeley goes on to write that to help children grow in faith, we cannot do this by  merely giving them a list of do’s and don’ts “masquerading as stories of real people” (ie, bible stories or stories from your faith tradition where we are knocked over the head with someone’s moral interpretation of it.)

He writes,

“It is important we do not reduce the Bible to a set of moral tales, while still helping our children grow up with a clear sense of right and wrong.

When we turn Bible stories into moral tales for small children, we realize, at best, we are hoping to influence their most basic instincts and convince them that it is in their best interest to be “good”.  Influencing moral behavior is not the same as building faith.  A church program that emphasizes moral behavior at the expense of the cognitive and relational aspects of faith is missing the point.

I think we tend to focus a lot of our teaching on moral behavior for a couple of reasons.  First of all, moral behavior is something we can see.  We know we’ve succeeded in teaching children how to be good if they behave themselves.  A [living faith] is a tougher thing to observe, but far more important.  Second despite being less important than [a living faith], moral behavior is important.  We want our children to behave because we want them to have successful lives, we want to enjoy being around them, and it’s the right thing to do.”

So, I think I figured out that that children’ book bothered me 1- because in my view it is not developmentally appropriate for the pre-school audience it was intended for 2 – sometimes just knowing the stories and events of your faith is enough for small children, there are places where the story  is just enough.  Some of the stories from your faith may have a moral, some may be history with meaning and direction for us in the present, some of it shows people’s faith – not all of it was written down to illustrate a clear moral tale in my view at least.  3- the development of faith and morality are not necessarily the same or are even mixed well.  4.  Moralizing a  story reduces it, to me, as Keeley says, “one “right” way of interpreting what happened.”  Whereas a lesson in faith is more a “reflection on the story that helps us think about who God is, who we are, or what our relationship with God is.”  He talks about the importance of WONDERING during these stories with small children – not a quiz to see if they were listening, but a true wondering where there really is no answer. He provides some examples in his book, and the book “Young Children and Worship” also has examples in it.

This book provided me with incredible food for thought on some of these tough issues.  I hope it will lead you to think as well how you are developing and treating issues of moral judgment with your small children and how you are looking toward developing your child’s faith life if that is important to you and your family.  Steiner felt religious development was extremely important in the ages of 7-14, not necessarily picking a religion, but that development of what he called the “supersensible.”  Melisa Nielsen of A Little Garden Flower has said she felt Steiner spent way more time thinking about God, the angels and such than such elemental beings as gnomes, which seems to be what he is associated with to some people.  She has a lot of wonderful things to say about this subject, do go check her website out! (http://www.alittlegardenflower.com/)

All food for thought with peace and joy,

Carrie

Inspirational Words from Steiner’s “The Education of the Child” Regarding Teaching of the 7-14 Year Old

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Steiner’s Thoughts on the Education of the Child Aged 7-14

From Education of the Child, 1996 print edition:

“Then, from the change of teeth on, the etheric body that is now developing must bring to the physical body the forces whereby it can make its forms firm and inwardly complete. Whatever makes the strongest impression on the etheric body also works powerfully toward consolidating the physical body. The strongest of all the impulses that can work on the etheric body come from the feelings and thoughts through which the human beings consciously divine and experience their relationship to the Eternal Powers- That is, they come from religious experience. Never will a person’s will – nor as a result a person’s character – develop in a healthy way, if one cannot during this period of childhood receive religious impulses deep into the soul. How people feel their place and part in the universal whole will be expressed in the unity of their life of will. If they do not feel linked with strong bonds to a divine-spiritual, their will and character must remain uncertain, divided, and unsound.”

Again, on page 60 in my edition: ”Most important of all is religious instruction. Images of things supersensible are deeply imprinted in the ether body. The pupil’s ability to have an opinion about religious faith is not important, but receiving descriptions of the supersensible, of what extends beyond the temporal. All religious subjects must be presented pictorially.”

Steiner goes on to talk about the development of FEELING during this period (as opposed to the WILLING of the Kindergarten/Early Years) –

-developed through pictures and parables

-through the pictures and stories of great men and women, taken from history and other sources

-a correspondingly deep study of the secrets and beauties of nature is also important for the proper formation of the world of feeling

-the cultivation of the sense of beauty and the awakening of the artistic feeling

-the musical element “must bring to the etheric body the rhythm that will then enable it to sense in everything the rhythm otherwise concealed. Children who are denied the blessing of having their musical sense cultivated during these years will be the poorer because of it for rest of their lives.”

– the moral sense of children is being formed by the pictures of life placed before them, through the authorities they naturally look up to

-“Thought in its proper form, as an inner life lived in abstract concepts, must still remain in the background during this period of childhood. It must develop itself, as it were, without external influences, while life and the secrets of nature are being unfolded in parable and picture.” Steiner attributes the ability to form independent opinions after puberty to how abstract concepts are handled during the period of ages 7-14. He felt by awakening independent judgment too early, we will damage the problem-solving ability, the ability of independent thought in the adolescent. This is why the years of the second seven-year period are focused more on examples, analogies, rather than just conclusions. Conclusions in Waldorf teaching do not come in until after age 14 for various reasons.

“If we force children into critical thinking before the age of fourteen, it is particularly disadvantageous for them and forces them to create their own conclusions or lose the well-intended power of the surrounding persons of authority. It is very bad if the child cannot look up to anyone.”

-the two things connected with the development of the etheric body are habit and memory. “For this reason you should try to give children a firm foundation for life anchored in good habits. People who act differently every day, who lack a stable basis for their deeds, will later lack character……Children need to learn upright habits and to have a rich store of memorized knowledge.”

-We form a strong memory during this second seven year year period by instructing children and NOT by teaching through example as in the Kindergarten years. “We form a strong memory, not by explaining all the “whys” and “wherefores”, but through authority.” Steiner said.

-We must surround children with people they can trust – people who can awaken in children a belief in the authority they hold.

-“Great care must be taken that teaching is brought to life. Much is spoiled in the child if it is burdened with too much that is dull and lifeless. Whatever is taught in a lively interesting manner benefits the child’s ether body. There should be much activity and doing, which has a quickening effect on the spirit.”

–The main emphasis of this second seven year period is on authority and community. It is also the time to foster the sense for beauty.

-We must harmonize interests with talents.

Most of all, remember that “Suppose we raise a child by emphasizing only the capacity for abstract thinking, as is so often done in school. Those pure concepts and abstract ideas cannot affect the child’s feeling life. The feeling life remains undeveloped and unformed, and this shows itself later in all kinds of ordinary experiences.” (page 109) In my opinion, this is much of the problem with the educational system of the United States today.

Steiner’s words, written in “The Foundation of Human Experience”:

Enliven imagination,

Stand for truth,

Feel responsibility

Keep imagination alive in your teaching,

Carrie

“My Kids Deserve A Different Mother”

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Have you ever felt this way, that your children deserved either a better you or even a different mother?  A mother that could do a better job?  A mother that could be more patient, more kind, more loving,  more creative?

You are not alone if you have ever felt that way.  We ALL have bad days, we all have days where we feel as if parenting is challenging everything we have in us and we are failing and that we are not living up to the standards we are setting for ourselves.  I have only heard of one or two parents out of ALL the parents I ever spoken with NOT say something along these lines.

It can be difficult.  Sometimes we feel terrible when we are losing it and an older child is witness or we have a baby on our arm.  We would feel terrible enough just to cry or yell or fall apart by ourselves, let alone with witnesses!

Some of us are dealing with more chronic things than just the occasional fall-apart in front of our kids.  Some of us are dealing with death, divorce, spousal difficulties, depression, parenting alone or other things going on. 

The question is, what do we do?

We can try.  We set the tone in our home whether we set it unconsciously or consciously. Each day, each moment, we can try to set the tone in our home toward our ideal.  It is never too late to change, to try, to stop in the middle of a sentence and do something different.  It is never to late to take your child and love them. 

We can forgive ourselves for not being perfect.  We are not perfect, we are human.  We all fall short at times.  We can be kind to ourselves and show our children how to have grace when we make a mistake. 

We can get help. We can ask for help from our family, our friends, our neighbors. We can get counseling, we can talk to the spiritual leaders who speak to our hearts, we can get support.  We can investigate if our physical health is impacting our minds, our patience.  Many medical professionals are available to help. 

We can take it easy.  Maybe this is the day we need to take off from school and go hiking.  Maybe this is the day we just need to go garden outside for most of the day. Maybe this is the day we just need to relax and recharge.

We can focus on bedtime and catch some precious moments to ourselves after the children go to sleep and use that to meditate, pray or engage in spiritual work.

We can do our best to go to sleep; I am convinced many of the challenges mothers are facing could be helped if mothers would go to bed and get some rest.  We so often feel we have to satisfy everyone’s needs but our own; our own sleep is paramount to do this!

Your children do not need a different mother, they need you.  They need a rested you, a calm you, but also a you that shows them how to recover from a mistake, a you that shows them we can still do things wrong and make it right, a you that is resilient in the face of life.

You can do this, your children picked you to be their mother and they picked your family to be a part of and participate and grow in.  Find the love and joy and laughter, it is there.

Peace,

Carrie

“But When I Stay Home…..Everything Falls Apart!”

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I have heard lots of reasons why it is difficult to stay home from mothers with children under the age of 7.  “When we stay home, all my older kids do is fight.”  “My kids are bored and don’t know what to do.”  “The nursling whom I am trying to wean just wants to nurse and if we are out he doesn’t nurse at all!”  “My oldest just seems to need to do something more!”  “I will go nuts if I stay home every day!”

As you can see, many mothers have a hard time being in their own homes.  Some mothers insist their children have a hard time being home as well, but I often wonder if the children are just reflecting the discontent their mothers feel.

It is hard work to be home sometimes.  It is hard to not be on the computer, to not turn on the TV, to be present in working with our hands and to be a warm presence for our children.  It is hard to listen to children fight and know when to step in and when to not step in.  It is hard to distract an older nursling and set a gentle, loving limit that right now is not a nursing time, but in a little bit it will be time and here is a snack for right now.  It is hard to set limits in general, it is hard to get out of bed, it is hard to make dinner every day and it is hard to muster up the energy to get everyone ready for bed after a long day.

Did I cover it all?

The challenges, however, do not negate the fact that the best place for a child under the age of 7 to be is HOME.  If we can help a child under the age of 7 be happy in the home environment, to be creative at home, to learn to understand that feeling of not knowing what to do and then finding something to do, we provide that child a great service indeed.  These are the children that grow up with strong creativity, strong problem-solving skills, and the ability to be happy by themselves.  These are remarkable and sought-after skills in this age of teenage depression and boredom. 

Your child under the age of 7 does not need a myriad of play dates, field trips,  and trips to the store.   You may disagree, but if your oldest is right now 4 , you will see a large difference in patience, comprehension, understanding and memory when you go to places when they are 7 or 8.  Many times your 7 or 8  year old will not even remember your trip to the zoo when they were 4!  They may, but they may not.  It doesn’t mean we don’t ever go places as  family, but it does mean we look carefully at IMAX movies at the museum for a four year old, at going to a crowded zoo on the weekend when they child is usually home napping, and we look at the long car rides and other things that are involved in these activities for the young child.  Remember, what your  child really  needs is a strong home rhythm, a strong loving presence of a parent, enough sleep and healthy food and outside time, and walks around the neighborhood.

Mothers say:  What about socialization for my 3-6 year old?  Everyone knows this is a prime time when they need friends! 

That may be true, and some children are more social than others, but sometimes I feel WE as parents drive this need ourselves more than it initially comes from the children themselves. (and then the children hear US talk about how they need friends and then they really NEED friends, you know?)  If you read any traditional childhood development books, they talk about how three, four and six are often rough ages for getting along with other children.  This does not mean that we don’t ever have play dates – but it might mean we consider a play date that is one on one with a planned activity to start the play date as opposed to a “just go play” kind of thing.  It does mean that perhaps we look at our group activities more closely and evaluate are they really needed and who needs them – us as the parents or our children?  It may also mean that we need to consider our OWN needs as adults and parents – could I get together with another homeschooling mother WITHOUT our children for lunch or tea and talk and finish sentences and get support that way without involving my children in my own need?

Having children under the age of 7  may also mean evaluating the need for classes.  There has been entire build-up of business and marketing to the under 7 child and parent dyad in our country.  In past generations, many mothers did not even have transportation to attend anything while their husbands were at work, so there was no chance for activities geared solely toward children.    I am not saying we want to return to this, but I am saying we do not know the long-reaching effects of all this stimulation on the under-7 child.  Were these classes and activities truly started with the benefit of the under 7 child in mind or to make money?  Would going outside and being in nature and doing arts and crafts at home and singing at home be just as good, if not better, than all these classes?

I feel many mothers turn to these activities to 1- meet other mothers who also stay at home, since in their neighborhood they may be the ONLY ones at home and 2- they do not feel confident in their own abilities to do these sorts of activities at home with their small children.  It is ironic in an age of more and more information, ideas via the Internet and books that mothers feel LESS confident and not more confident, isn’t it?

As far as finding other mothers who stay at home and who are interested in homeschooling, La Leche League meetings, especially the daytime meetings do often have mothers who are stay at home mothers (especially if these are Toddler Meetings held during the day).  Attachment Parenting International Support meetings also tend to have stay at home mothers there.  These organizations also support working mothers as well, but there tend to be stay at home mothers as well.  Post natal yoga classes may put you in touch with other stay at home mothers.  Once you have a few friends that stay at home it may blossom from there.

I am here to encourage you completely that you can do this!  You can create a stronger rhythm at home.  Start with your daily rhythm with a lot of outside activity and then look at your weekly rhythm – can you bring in activities on certain days?  Look at the festivals for that month – May is coming and bringing with it May Day, Ascension and Whitsunday.  Perhaps these are festivals you would like to celebrate in your own family that you could take time to prepare for.  Depending upon your religion, perhaps there are other festivals you could celebrate in place of these festivals or add to these.  Start a bit of planning now – ten minutes a day after your kids go to bed or before your kids get up.  It can happen!

The more you are at home, the more you will like being at home.  You will have time to create and dream and so will your children.  Take it from a Former Queen of Going and Doing, it can happen!

Make your home a warm, joyful place to be and your kids will enjoy it too,

Carrie

Stop Talking!

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Yes, I have written about this subject here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/31/the-need-to-know/

and yes, also here, in an extremely popular post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/01/take-my-three-day-challenge/

but here I am again today, to remind those of you with children under 7, and even those of you with seven and eight-year olds, to check yourself today.   How many words are you using with your children?  How much explaining are you doing?  Are you using a simple phrase or does your child need a notebook to write down everything you are saying about a given subject?  What is going on with your rhythm now that we are over the holidays?

If you are talking too much, try focusing on talking less this week.  Are you humming, are you holding the space just by your warm physical presence and your rhythm, are you singing and using verses for transitions, is life slow enough that you don’t need to rush, hurry and yell?

Less talking does not mean being less warm with your child; on the contrary, it gives you the freedom from words that your child may be perceiving in a negative tone (those of you with melancholic or sensitive children know exactly what I am talking about!)  And, for those of you who have children where “nothing works until I yell”, less talking forces you to include the physical piece – using your gentle hands to guide your child to the next thing, using your gentle arms to hold your child and listen. 

Less talking puts your child in the place of being listened to but not being judged.  It puts your child in the position to not have to think about what a better choice would be for them to make in their behavior, but to have you be the parent and gently show them the better choice. They should not have to think about what the better choice is in behavior, or food, or anything else at an age  under 7 – this is for later, where we let our children own their mistakes in preparation for being out on their own and when their logical thought is coming into play.  That time is not now!

Keep working on it.  In our society, which is so very head-oriented for small people, it can be  difficult to change and do differently.  But you are doing your child a true favor if you  treat them in accordance with their developmental maturity in mind instead of forging ahead, putting the cart before the horse.  Stop treating your 6 child year old like a ten-year old and your four-year old like a fourteen-year-old.  Ask yourself:  does my child need all this information now? Can this wait until my child is a bit older?  What is the simplest way I can say this?  What is the most neutral way I can say this?  Will what I say now come out of my child’s mouth later in a judgmental way at myself or someone else?  What is my tone?

Try talking less, use your warmth and your rhythm to really set those boundaries.  Nursing takes place at these times for those older 3 and 4 year olds.  We go outside every day at this time.  Warm smiles, warm hugs, laughter and joy.  Gentle hands and real work.  These are the hallmarks of things, not so many words the child is lost after the first two sentences (and if your child is NOT lost after the first paragraph you say, this is a sure sign your  under-7 child is being older than their developmental stage!  And you can change this if you choose!)

The very verbal, in-their-heads little girls especially need this.  Sometimes we expect an awful lot out of our five, six and seven year old little girls, particularly if they are the oldest in the family.  Sometimes we are just shocked when they actually act their developmental age and want to be held, they feel jealous of a sibling, they don’t want to go somewhere or do something for someone else, they don’t feel like playing with a younger sibling while we do something else or they play roughly.  Normal stages, but somehow we expect more out of them.  Less talking can take a great burden off of these small souls to just let them be.  Let them be just five, six or seven instead of seeing how “mature” they are.  They have time to be mature!  Right now they are little!

Try talking less; you may really enjoy it!

I would love to hear your comments,

Carrie

More Great Read-Alouds for Waldorf First Grade

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I wrote a post about good read-alouds for first grade here a bit ago: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/11/great-read-alouds-for-waldorf-at-home-first-grade/

Today, we are going to add these titles to that list:

The Cat’s Vacation by Irene Schoch for 6-8 year olds

Betsy-Tacy by Maud Hart Lovelace for 6-7 year olds – Please pre-read as you usually do; as I remember Tacy comes from a large family and the newest baby in their family either dies at childbirth or right after childbirth.  It is addressed in a very sensitive way in a chapter, but it may be too much for some of the children.

Freddie the Pig Series – Walter R Brooks

Mrs. Pepperpot by Alf Proyson

One Hundred and One African –American Read-Aloud Stories by Susan Kantor

The Curious George Series for ages 5-8 by H.A. Rey – yes, either you love it or hate it!

Honk the Moose by Phil Strong for ages 7 and up

Jamie O’Rourke and the Big Potato by Tomie dePaola for ages 6 and up

The Wind Boy by Ethel Cook Eliot

Owl Moon by Jane Yolen – a picture book, but just lovely to re-visit every year in the Winter

A Ride on the Red Mare’s Back by Ursula LeGuin

Paddington Bear Series – Michael Bond

If any one has others to suggest, please leave your thoughts in the comment box.  Please remember to pre-read and decide if these titles are right for you and your family. 

Also, the main goal of stories at this age is still to provide more of an archetypal element and not so much of  a ready to identify protagonist.  Fairy tales should still be the bulk of your stories this year in Main Lesson, and also outside of Main Lesson time.  Also, do not neglect your oral storytelling by telling  stories about animals around your home, what happened when your child was little, what happened when you were little.

Happy Reading,

Carrie

The Seven and Eight- Year -Old: Still A Need for Protection

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The pink bubble of the Waldorf kindergarten does not last forever, that is true.  However, this does not mean that the world is so quickly expanded for the seven and eight-year old that suddenly they become miniature teenagers.   This is not what a seven or eight-year old needs, although this is the tact our society often takes.  I was pleasantly surprised to speak with a friend the other day whose second-grade daughter is doing no extracurricular activities outside of attending public school.  This, however, is the only person I have talked with where this is happening.  Around my part of town, for example, many of the first and second graders I see are on the go from early morning – up at 6 AM to catch a bus and go to school, to attending school all day, to aftercare or sports (do you all honestly remember playing competitive sports in first and second grade?  Do you?  I don’t), out to dinner with parents (at least they are all eating dinner together!), off for homework and off to bed around 9 – to start all over the next day.

I respectfully must say that this is far too much for a seven or eight-year-old.  I think there is a direct relationship between the rates of ADHD/ADD, ritalin use, behavioral problems and the fact that we are asking these small children to “put in a full day”, just like a grown-up.

I think as Waldorf homeschoolers, we have a unique opportunity to treat our seven and eight –year -olds the way they should be treated – with imagination, with creativity, with watching their skills and development unfold, providing plenty of opportunities for sensory experiences and outside play, for provoking academic work through art and music.

We also have a chance to establish strong routines and rhythms in our homes with periods of in-breath and out-breath.  We can establish a bedtime routine of 7:30 for a first grader, and 7:45 for a second grader or earlier, as suggested by this Waldorf school:  http://www.stpaulssteinerschool.org/home_rhythms.html

We have an opportunity to provide healthy food, regular snack and meal times in an unhurried setting (which is often not the case in public school where lunch may start at 10:30 AM with 20 minutes to eat).

We have the chance to bring spirituality into our curriculum and homes.  We can foster gratitude, beauty, respect, reverence and responsibility in our children through stories, example and modeling as opposed to just slogans fostered in character development campaigns.

Most of all, we still can have the influence to slow them down.  The Gesell Institute mentions in the book, “Your Seven-Year-Old” that one of the main hallmarks of a seven-year-old is the fact that the child wants to do everything, but is prone to fatigue.  In our society we often take what our seven or eight year old “wants to do” and run with that  to the point these children are so involved they are worn out, irritable and exhausted.  Their small lives, instead of being full of imagination and wonder, are full of factoids for tests, long days and to-do lists that only adults should have.

The seven and eight-year olds in our society are vulnerable. Let’s protect them a bit longer, until the true skill of reasoning and logical thinking starts to be born, until the true signs of needing separation from the adults in their lives happens.  Let’s protect them now so they can flourish later.

Thanks,

Carrie

More Inspirations from Tapestries: How to Transform Yourself during the Ages of 35-42

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If we look at the the basis of transformation that occurs during this stage as a product and force of willing, feeling and thinking, Betty Staley writes:

“In our willing we are learning to “walk” in a new way- in other words becoming more aware of what we do, of how to direct our actions so that they pass through our hearts and minds in the service of a higher goal.”

“In our feelings we nurture a quality of devotion so that our hearts become activated to serve what is highest.”  Betty Staley points out this devotion is not only our immediate family, but also may extend to our community and especially to nature.

“In our thinking we have to work to overcome the prejudices which have slotted other people  into convenient categories; we have to stop giving simple reflex answers, or adhering to common opinions and “party lines.”

She also adds on page 160 that, “During this period, as I mentioned, we begin to realize that our physical body no longer has the agility and strength it had before.  So there is a temptation to concentrate only on the physical body, to try to revive some of the old vitality, forgetting that what is really needed is to activate the soul and the spirit. Of course, we need to pay attention to  our health, diet and exercise; but ignoring our inner development is like building a strong shell around an empty space……When we gain the humility to realize we want to work together with spiritual forces or beings greater than ourselves –however we choose to express this –then we can recognize our capacity for contributing to the world.”  This becomes even more pronounced in the new seven year cycle of years 42-49.

Deep food for thought on a cold night,

Carrie