Midsummer’s Day: St. John’s Tide Day

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Some people wonder what the difference is between the solstice and Midsummer’s Day.  Summer solstice is on June 21st and is the longest day of the year.  Midsummer’s Day is fixed on June 24th, which is St. John’s Day or St. John’s Tide Day.  This day is said to be the day of birth of John the Baptist.

In the book, “Waldorf Education:  A Family Guide,” Karen Rivers writes, “John the Baptist represents man at the center of history, devoted to what is beyond himself, to the revelation of the spirit brought by Christ.  His summons was to turn inward, to search within toward a confrontation with oneself.”  St. John’s Day is a fitting time to re-assess and re-balance ourselves in this spirit.

Traditionally,  a fire was lit at sunset on the eve of St. John’s Tide Day.  The firewood was collected for days beforehand, and prayers and blessings were spoken as the fire was lit.  There are also other traditions associated with the fire, including walking around the fire three times and throwing a pebble into the center of the fire with a special prayer, and also jumping over the embers of the fire as it died to get new endeavors off to a good start or to rid themselves of their own weaknesses and inadequacies.  The book “Celebrating Irish Festivals” remarks that sometimes the embers of the fire were carried about as a smoldering torch to smoke-cleanse areas or even fields. 

St. John’s Day is also known as a wonderful time to collect herbs.  Herbs such as elderflowers, St. John’s Wort and many others may be ready at this time in your area.    With small children, one can make the eve of St. John’s Day the time to leave out small treats for the fairies in the garden or to build fairy houses.

According to the book, “All Year Round”, Midsummer Day is an excellent day to eat outside, to cook food over an open fire, use edible flowers as part of the meal.  Nature tables at this time of the year often include bees, gold spirals, and hanging suns.  Some people celebrate  by hanging a bunch of coneflowers on their front door, leave a light on all night long, or bring in sunflowers for a corner of the room.

Here are some resources for this lovely festival:

This is link to the wonderful Calendar of the Soul verses for this lovely day:

http://wn.rsarchive.org/Books/GA040/CoTS/GA040_41-12.html

Here is wonderful article covering many of the major festivals from our friends at the North London Steiner School (if you scroll to the bottom of this article there is a section on St. John’s Tide Day):

http://www.rudolfsteiner.london.sch.uk/SchoolEvents/Festivals.aspx#midsummer

Here is a link to some festival books at Bob and Nancy’s Bookshop, and there is a lecture by Steiner regarding this festival included:

http://www.waldorfbooks.com/anthro/festivals.htm

There is also this book by Charles Kovacs:

http://www.florisbooks.co.uk/books/9780863156014

Here is a more general link to the Wiki entry on Midsummer’s Eve and Day:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midsummer

The Wynstones Press “Summer” book also has many songs, verses and stories appropriate for this festival.

Hope that helps those of you planning festivities this month!

Carrie

A Vacation Away From the Computer!

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Don’t get me wrong, I like computers.  I love writing and researching and my computer is a wonderful tool and means to do this. 

However, I have been thinking a lot about the generally addictive nature of the computer in relation to Waldorf.  Part of the issue with Waldorf Education is to put in rhythm and times of in-breath and out-breath for our small children so they can develop balance and health.  Mothers sometimes talk to me about their little people who would be happy to do nothing but look at books all day or color all day or what have you.  This goes back to YOU, the mother, being the one to set the tone in your home by having times for those types of activities and times we don’t do those activities.  It takes effort to provide a rhythm, but what a wonderful payback for the effort invested!

So, now let’s jump ahead to us, the adults in the family.  There was an article in my newspaper this weekend about folks being addicted to Facebook, and it made me think about my own computer habits.  Stop for a moment and think about your own computer habits.

How many times a day do you check email?

Do you wake up in the middle of the night and want to go check email or Facebook?

Can you turn your computer off at 8 PM and be done for the night or does the computer keep beckoning to you to come and look at something else on it?

Interesting questions, aren’t they?  One thing many people are doing is taking time away from the computer – whether that is one day a week without turning the computer on or if that means closing down the computer at a certain time every night – that is up to them. 

If we want our children to achieve balance in their adulthood, the best thing we can do is to model this for them in our own lives.  In addition, if we follow the thought of having times of  in-breath and out-breath in our own homes in order to bring rhythmical qualities to our children so they can then take over these forms themselves, we are doing them a huge favor toward health.

Food for thought today,

Carrie

More About the Four-Year-Old

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I recently went back and looked at the highest ranked posts for the past year, and was surprised to see  that while the top 10 posts mainly involved Waldorf-related things, the top developmental posts amidst all those were the posts regarding the four-year-old (and then the six-year-old).  Ages four and six are obviously ages where parents are finding challenges and difficulty!

I wanted to throw out a few more words about the four-year-old for you all.  These are random thoughts from my own experience in having two four and a half year olds in our family, so please do take what resonates with you and what works for you and your family!

First of all, if your four year old is attending school, please do be aware it takes A LOT of energy for them to hold it together, follow the rules and listen, not to mention sitting down and focusing.  Most four year olds, according to traditional childhood developmental standards, have the “wiggles”, have short attention spans, and have more physical energy than they know what to do with.  Compare that description to what is going on at school, and plan for lots of outside time to blow off steam when they get home.

If you are homeschooling your four year old with a method different than Waldorf, please be aware of “cramming” facts down your child’s throat, and how many times a day you are asking to do them something passive such as seated schoolwork that is not especially hands-on, how much television are they getting, how many books are they reading.  Do they have lots of time for imaginative play, creative play, crafts, being outside, helping with practical work around your home, and work with repetitive sensory things such as kneading bread, playing in mud or dirt?  These are the most important things for a four-year-old.

How many words are you using?  Many four-year-olds in a stage of disequilibrium actually need less words, less choices, more warmth and more calmness from YOU.

The inner work of your parenting at this time is several-fold.  One thing to do is to make sure you are being nurtured by your own things in some way, and make sure you are getting a break at least every day by yourself for a few minutes without ANY kids, and having a break each week is also essential.  It will make you a better mother if you husband can take all the kids in the backyard for even a half  hour or so,  to give you some time.   If your children have an early bedtime, you can also use this time to recharge and reconnect with yourself.

The other part of inner  work at this time is to make sure you are not viewing your child as “the enemy”, or as some mothers I have heard lamenting, “Where did my sweet, nice child go?”  They are still there!  Trying to learn boundaries, trying to be big, but really being small!  They are not “bad” – they are LEARNING.  Go meditate over your sleeping child when they are peaceful.  Think about all the good qualities they have, see them as they are:   still really very, very small.  Meditate on what kind of adult you are hoping you shape them into.

A four-year-old doesn’t need a lecture or a speech or guilt.  Short explanations, possibly.  Restitution for what they did – fixing it in some way- is so important.  But not the lecture or guilt-trip.  They really cannot comprehend it the way you as an adult can!

If you need a time-out, by all  means gather yourself together.  But, don’t expect a child in “time-out” is going to do what an adult would do – sit there and think about how they could have done things differently, sit there and reflect.  The four-year-old is not cognitively ready to do this from any developmental perspective!  Time-in for calming, WITHOUT TRYING TO TALK ABOUT THE INCIDENT, is the first step.  Then comes the action they must do to fix what the problem was.  And you must be there every step of the way to help.  Did I mention mothers of four-year olds really do need their children to go to bed early, LOL?  This takes a lot of energy to do this all day!

And last of all, be easy with yourself.  Parenting a four-year-old is a lot of work, working to structure your days, working toward less words, less explanation, more warmth, how to fix something rather than just talk about the anger and upset you are feeling at that moment – whew, it is hard work!  Be easy with yourself, love yourself as you grow as a parent.

Just a few thoughts,

Carrie

Recorder, Pennywhistle, or Pentatonic Flute?

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This is a great question, and my friend Jodie Mesler has a great post about why she loves the pennywhistle here on her blog:

http://homemusicmaking.blogspot.com/2008/07/what-is-pennywhistle.html

Hope that helps some of you who are trying to decide over the summer which instrument to use or switch to!

I am very busy this week getting ready for the workshop Donna Simmons of Christopherus is doing this week for our regional area. She flies in today, and many of us are excited to hear this conference.  You can see http://peachcobblers.blogspot.com for further details if you are interested.

Be back soon,

Carrie

Great Books for Second Grade In Your Waldorf- Inspired Homeschool

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Here are some suggestions for Waldorf Second Grade read-alouds:

From “The Waldorf Student Reading List”:  (and do get the book so you can read the complete list, I picked and  wrote here out of what resonated with me!)

Aesop’s Fables (LEAVE THE MORAL OUT AT THE END) – These are usually done in a main lesson block, so I would NOT consider these bedtime reading or anything!  Maybe these really shouldn’t be on this list, as they are usually told, not read……I will write a post on Fable Main Lesson Block soon!

Thornton Burgess Nature Stories – all of them and there are many!

“King Of Ireland’s Son” – again, if you are not doing this as a Main Lesson Block

Susan Cooper’s “The Selkie Girl” – a picture book, but definitely with second-grade content

Tomie De Paola – Clown of God, Big Anthony, Stregna Nona, etc.

“Wind In the Willows” – a classic!

George MacDonald’s “The Light Princess”, “The Princess and the Goblin”, “The Princess and Curdie”

Any of Gerald McDermott’s Trickster Tale kind of picture books

Arthur Ransome’s “Old Peter’s Russian Tales”

“Winnie the Pooh” if you have not read those stories yet

Jakob Streit’s “Animal Stories” (available through Waldorf booksellers)

Isabel Wyatt’s “The Book of Fairy Princes”

Some suggestions from Donna Simmons in her works:

Barefoot Book of Pirates

Ballet Shoes – N. Streatfield (there is a whole series available)

“John Henry” as illustrated by  Julius Lester and also “The Adventures of Bre’r Rabbit” also illustrated by Julius Lester

King Arthur by Roger Lancelyn Green

Robin Hood also by Roger Lancelyn Green

Donna has a bookstore on Amazon where you can see titles for second grade here:  http://astore.amazon.com/christopherus-20

Some Suggestions from Carrie:

Little House on the Prairie, but do save “Farmer Boy” for third grade!!

The Moomintroll Series

Any sort of Jataka tales if you are not doing these for a Main Lesson Block

Any of the appropriate stories from “Hear the Voice of the Griot!” by Betty Staley and available through Waldorf booksellers.    A great resource for all grades; see the review on this blog!

Any sort of American Tall Tale or Native American trickster tales

Mungo, which is a story of a Saint found through Waldorf booksellers.  I have not read it myself but I have heard from others that this would be appropriate for Grade Two.  (Update I do not agree with this for grade two. I would put it much, much  later – it has complex themes, including a rape).

The German classic now in English, “Peter and Anneli’s Journey to the Moon” available through Bob and Nancy’s Bookshop www.waldorfbooks.com

Peaceful and happy reading together,

Carrie

The Mini- Rant: What Are We Doing?

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My sister-in-law recently moved into a new house, and apparently the couple that used to live there had a subscription to a mainstream parenting magazine.  My sister-in-law passed it on to me since I have children and she doesn’t.  However, this magazine just floored me.

Almost every article in the magazine was tailored toward getting the preschool-aged child to be independent.  Separation anxiety?  They will get over it at summer camp!  Still sleeping in your bed?  Move them out, and here is how and they may cry, but that’s okay!  You will have your own bed back!  Here is how to help your child cope while they are apart and away from you when they are three or four!  You can make this work, everyone is doing it!

I was horrified.

This is what we are doing to children in our society??   Taking these TINY preschoolers, shoving them off into day-long commitments of daycare, preschool, lessons, like they are just smaller adults and should be able to handle all this?  Start early and fill them up to the brim like a bucket!  Shove their heads full of intellectual facts through every paper and pencil means possible but don’t think they need to experience anything hands-on first!  Make them independent because they have to learn how to do that now!

What a load of complete and utter rubbish.

Children under the age of 7 and even under the age of 9 are not ready to be “separate” from you.  They start separating from you, start thinking they are less of one unity with the rock on the ground and the birds in the sky beginning only around age 9 (unless someone has just intellectualized the devil out of them).  What about the innate beauty and wonder of what is INSIDE the child, the things the child brings with them to this Earth, what about the beauty of the child unfolding in their own timetable of maturity?

If I hear one more adult tell me how reasonable and mature their six and seven year is, or even their four or five year is,  I am going to just lose it.   They shouldn’t have to be any of those things, and yes, sometimes the circumstances of life forces things we would wish otherwise, but  the consequences of adults imposing adult-like patterns of thinking and being in the small child does have life-long consequences and does deserve consideration. 

Your children are still small, and yes, they are dependent upon YOU.  Younger ones are not only dependent upon you for their physical needs, but for their emotional needs and intimacy, but your older children are STILL dependent upon you for protection from themselves, for emotional intimacy and for guidance and  for learning for how to function in our society! 

A seven and eight year old will want to do EVERYTHING under the sun, and it is your job to help decipher what they can handle – and what they can’t!  Just because they ask you a million questions it does not mean you have to answer every question in a complete and detailed and serious nature – they may just as happy with a short answer, with a “I wonder”, with a “I had a lot of questions about that when I was your age as well!  When you are a little bit bigger we will talk about that, you and I!  Right now let’s go outside TOGETHER and look for ripened strawberries in the garden!”

That is the rub – children are many times into all these lessons, school, dry facts, long days, long explanations – because NO ALTERNATIVE has been presented by the parents.  And the parents say – well, they enjoy it!  They want to do it!  Yes, because they want to please YOU.  They ask a million questions because you answer them and give them ATTENTION for it.  Pay attention to your child, give them warmth and spend massive amounts of TIME with them – but don’t  confuse trying to fill up these basic needs of time, warmth, silence together, reverence and wonder, attention – with separation, pushing for independence at such a young age when THEY are dependent, and the need for attention that could be filled in more age-appropriate ways.

In this day and age, what a parenting magazine should be doing is supporting parents in the most challenging job they will ever have – being a mother or father.  And they should set the bar high by letting parents know what is developmentally NORMAL, what really is realistic and really what is best for children of different ages – not just the things that parents WISH were true so they could just “stuff” the kids somewhere into their already too-busy, overscheduled life.

I personally wanted to send a copy of Gordon Neufeld’s “Hold On To Your Kids” to the magazine’s editorial staff so they could read it.

Carrie

“Discipline Without Distress”: Chapter One

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This book by author Judy Arnall  is fairly new, published in 2007, and is a great read for those of you new to guiding your child in a gentle way, and also for those of you who are experienced with gentle discipline techniques.  I will be going through this book chapter by chapter on this blog, so I hope you get your own copy and follow along!

This book is based upon the following five cornerstones:  (from the Preface)

1. Teach, not hurt.

2.  Stay with your “no” and honor your word

3.  Look for the feeling or need (NOF) behind the behavior.

4.   Separate your anger from your discipline.

5.  Be the person you want them to be.

Chapter One is entitled, “The Purpose of Discipline:  Teach, not hurt.”  The author outlines the way life has changed since we all grew up in the 60s, 70s and 80s and why some of the “old” discipline techniques do not have the same impact today.  She talks about the importance about building connections with our children as children these days are often separate from the family and have ready access to technology and other things that can be difficult for parents to police.  She also points out that in general spanking is a less-accepted tool socially and we need things to replace this!  She talks about how children need parents who will help them solve their problems, not punish them.

(Carrie’s Note:  As homeschoolers, we may feel this does not apply to us as much because we are generally with our children, but I feel these are still  important concepts for all families today in an age where the extended family no longer seems to exist.    You may also be wondering from a Waldorf perspective how “solving their problems” applies to Waldorf children under the age of 14 or so – when more logical reasoning comes in- and I say hang in there with me and I will show you how this can be a helpful framework for you, the parent to work from, even if you do not use all the words with your child!  Read on!)

The author talks about the six things children needs for connected parenting:

Time (Quantity time, not necessarily quality time)

Attention

Guidance in a positive way

Kindness – I have a whole post on my blog about this important subject here:https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/03/kindness-in-your-home/ 

Listening

Self Care for Parents – which I have also talked about here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/06/making-yourself-a-priority-in-the-parenting-equation/

The author talks extensively about why we should give up punishments, and how punishments do not work to deter “bad” behavior.  I will not review all those points here, you will find this on pages 15-18.

She talks about the goals of discipline (remember my view of discipline as Authentic Leadership!https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/16/gentle-discipline-as-authentic-leadership/  and also here https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/20/getting-past-fear/  )- to teach the child to build life-long character building skills, such as responsibility, empathy , problem-solving and self-control; to protect the child; to instill our parental values (do you know what these are?  If not, consider looking at this post here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/08/creating-a-family-mission-statement/) and to teach the child how to become a healthy, productive adult in society.

She talks about the role of the parent – all you jellyfish out there, listen up!!- as being a protector, a source of knowledge and experience in a democratic parenting style, an influence, a detective,  a structure provider (yes, my little jellyfish I know you are wincing now!), and a limit and rule making facilitator and negotiator.  Parents are also the provider of needs – not just physical needs, but for the emotional needs of children for warmth, and security.  Waldorf parents I feel really excel in this area!  Parents are also nurturers.

More about Chapter One in a bit,

Carrie

The Early Bedtime

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(This is a good post on bedtime as well:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/18/peaceful-bedtime-dreams/)

Many children seem to stay up as late as their parents stay up, and for some families this does seem to work well.  However, today I am asking you to consider an alternative:  the early bedtime. 

The early bedtime will change how you are with your family the next day, because you will have time to be an adult and to rest and recharge and find something of yourself.   Some mothers I know cannot believe there will ever be an end to their mothering, and don’t seem to realize (or have time!) for those dreams and the things they once had that were all their own, but I am going to suggest to you to really look inside yourself and see what is there.  Personally, there is nothing I enjoy more than being with my family and creating a home, but I also have things of my own that truly do not involve my children. Nighttime can be a time to work on those sorts of things!  This is important, because while being a mother is a very wonderful and important role to play, it is not the whole of who you are!

The early bedtime will also change the dynamics between you and your husband because you can be adults, you can talk and finish sentences, you can dream and plan together:   in other words you can create intimacy in your own home without small ears about! I see too many attached mothers replacing their intimate relationship with their husband with the relationship with their children. Children need to see a strong, functioning marriage in our society today.  I have a dear friend who says, “In 20 years your children may be gone and out of your house and you and your husband will be looking at each other.  Practice for that day.”  A very wise woman indeed.

As children grow, it is necessary to have a more boundaries as to what is heard and discussed in front of them.  A small child does not need to be privy to every adult matter going on in the household, and an early bedtime can provide you and your spouse a time to work on the more challenging issues without putting these adult burdens on our small children.  If you need help in this area, please do see this post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/31/the-need-to-know/

Many mothers say that it can be difficult in the baby and early toddler years for co-sleeping children to fall asleep on their own without them falling asleep as well :). I myself have been there and done that,  but I can also assure you there are many, many attached families who have moved children into their own beds by the age of 3 – at least to start for part of the night there!  Co-sleeping can move into a place where it takes place for part of the night, a few nights during the week; however you want to work out the parameters that work for your family.

The hard part for many families is getting the earlier bedtime down.  This involves many times saying NO to things that happen too late in the evening.  It could also involve shortening your bedtime routine in order to make sleep the priority, as opposed to having a long and drawn out routine where perhaps the steps of the routine are the priority.

In our house, we often have dinner by 5:30,  we put the house to bed (all lights dimmed or off, the shades drawn, certainly no TV or radio or anything like that on – we do sing the house a lullaby together at times), we take baths or showers every other night unless we are covered with garden mud :), and the children are in bed with stories around 6:30 or 6:45.    A seven o-clock bedtime works well for children smaller than age 7, with a seven-year-old being able to stay up and perhaps read until 7:30, an eight year old could stay up until 7:45, etc., essentially moving up 15 minutes each year until they hit the bedtime of 9:00 where the bedtime would stay for quite awhile.

One book that helped me early on is this one:  http://www.amazon.com/OClock-Bedtime-Early-healthy-playful/dp/0060988894 :   “The 7-o’ clock Bedtime: Early to bed, early to rise, makes a child healthy, playful and wise”   by Inda Schaenen.  She outlines many of the things we do as a society to over-stimulate children and not let them be children, and goes on to discuss ways to actually achieve an earlier bedtime.  Some of her nursing references may  not sit completely well with those of you who follow this blog and are attached parents, but I think there is still so much usable information in this book.  All the copies on Amazon are used and starting at only a few dollars, so there really is no excuse to NOT get this book and read it!

Change your child’s bedtime, change your life!

Carrie

Waldorf Third Grade and Old Testament Stories

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So many people get hung up with the Saint Stories in the second grade, and then many people get hung up with Old Testament Stories of the Third Grade.

The Old Testament Stories of the  Waldorf Third Grade are not told as a “religious” main lesson block.

For a good post on this subject, please see Donna Simmons’ blog here:

http://christopherushomeschool.typepad.com/blog/2007/11/old-testament-s.html

Perhaps it will illuminate an anthroposophical approach to these studies of the Third Grade and set your heart at ease.  These stories are important for children in the throes of the nine-year- change, and I hope you will take the time to meditate on what Donna Simmons has to say about this  and figure out how to bring these stories to your children baggage-free!

Peace,

Carrie

Homeschooling Siblings With Waldorf

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Yes, I am back thinking more about siblings.  I wrote a pretty popular post about the balance that has to occur with Waldorf homeschooling of siblings, and some of the things particular to Waldorf homeschooling here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/05/homeschooling-multiple-children-with-waldorf/

The thing to really think long and hard about is this:  If your children were going to school, where everything is divided by neat age ranges into grades, your children would spend no time together at all.  The peer group of your child instantly becomes more important than the relationship between siblings.  Older children enrolled in school seem to be indoctrinated into the attitude, (at least in many of the unfortunate cases I have seen), that “we don’t hang around with the babies!’ kind of thing as opposed to the approach that older ones should be the safe keepers and guardians and helpmates to the smaller children.

You have a wonderful opportunity to do this at home!   In the days where you feel as if your older one is being shortchanged by having smaller ones in the picture who keep eating all your supplies and getting into your older ones’ projects, or on the days when you feel your younger ones are being shortchanged because they are tied into the older ones’ schedules and you are not doing the same things with the younger ones that you did with the older ones when they were that age…..well, just take a breath.

Realize that the relationship you are cultivating and nurturing between the siblings is probably one of the most important things, if not the most important thing, your child will take away from his or her homeschooling experience.

We work hard to balance the needs of ALL the members of our family, but we also rest in knowing that our family bonds are strengthened by the sheer amount of quantity time we spend together day in and day out.  This is something probably only other homeschoolers understand. 

So have peace and rest in knowing this ,

Carrie