Mindful Parenting

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As St. John’s Day calls us to be more inward and focused in the midst of outer expansion, perhaps a meditative focus for all of us as mothers could be contemplation of the phrase “mindful parenting”. 

What does mindful parenting mean to you personally?  To me, it means that I am in control of myself and my actions in front of my children, that I consider their feelings along with their needs, that I show my children empathy for their feelings, that I bring joy and laughter and warmth to my parenting.  To be a mindful parent, I must consider the “bigger picture” of parenting – where my children are developmentally, where they have been, where they are going, what their temperaments are and who they are as beautiful individuals and how we all work together in one family.  I must also consider my own “cup” – is it full, how do I get it full within the context of parenting?  I can be a beacon of light and love for my children when I am centered and calm and peaceful.

I feel blessed to be a parent, and I truly enjoy my children.  I think people have different ages of parenting they like and enjoy – my mother-in-law always says how wonderful she finds ages three and four, while other people I know really rather dislike these stages.  Some mothers have commented to me that teenagers are so difficult, and I have other friends who say they just love the teenaged energy in their home and want all of their teenager’s friends to come and hang out within their family!

Even if you are in a parenting stage that perhaps you are not particularly enjoying, perhaps here is a Waldorf parenting view you can take and use:  the notion that there really are no difficult children, but there are difficult behaviors that children show us.  When we break things down into a behavior and NOT the child, it opens a gateway so we can look at that behavior. Why is this behavior triggering me as a parent so?  What do I need in this moment to be more fulfilled and peaceful that is separate from what my child is doing? Is this an issue of safety?  Or is it an issue that just bothers me but I could gently direct it?  Do I have to direct it at all?  What is the need of the child under the behavior?  Is there more than one way to meet that need and am I comfortable meeting that need for my child and in what way?  Can my child meet their own need?  Can we work together so that in our family all of us can be happy and peaceful?

How can I use my words like pearls….instead of spouting off the book of lectures, can I use a few positively-worded phrases?  Can I be warm and loving and caring even if I have to set a limit?  Is the limit necessary at all?  I actually don’t use many limits in my family, our rhythm carries much of it, modeling carries much of it, love carries much of it.  We are respectful to each other.

These are the kinds of inward questions that shape my days of parenting, and the kinds of inward contemplation I do in my own parenting as we draw closer to St. John’s Day(Midsummer’s Day).

Thanks for reading,

Carrie

“What Is the Purpose of School?”

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http://www.lilipoh.com/articles/2009Issues/Spring2009/what_is_the_purpose_of_school.aspx

This is a great article from Lilipoh!  Enjoy!

Carrie

Summer Planning for the Five and Six Year Old Kindergarten Years

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We have been talking about summer planning on this blog for a few posts now and today I wanted to talk specifically about the five and six year old years and how planning might look.

One thing to immediately consider is if your state has reporting requirements for a certain age (in my state you have to start reporting for age 6).  How many days of attendance a year is required?  Take out a calendar and think about when you would like to generally start and end your school year (because in Waldorf we do REST over the summer!), when your vacations will be, and how many days you can plot out to meet those state requirements.  Get involved with your homeschooling organization in your state so you know what laws affect you, what is coming up – you are now part of a community of ALL homeschoolers, whether the other homeschoolers use Waldorf or not!

Think about the goals you have for your child.  What do they need to work on in the realms of gross motor, fine motor, in language, in social settings, from a spiritual/religious perspective, in creative play, in ordering of thoughts (the basis of pre-mathematical thinking)?

Secondly, look at what festivals you would like to celebrate and start making monthly headings with the festivals you will be celebrating each month.  For example, perhaps you will celebrate Michaelmas, Martinmas, Advent, St. Nicholas Day, Candlemas, etc.  Mark those down under each month and make sure you give yourself a couple of weeks to plan baking, cooking, arts and crafts and other things around these festivals.

Now turn to your daily rhythm and  think about how you will call and start school each day.  Will you have a song you sing, a chime, a drum? Will you light a candle? Will you always sing the same song or use songs that change monthly in accordance with the season, month or festival?  Will you do circle or finger plays or some sort of movement to warm up the body and will these always be the same or will they change monthly?

Will you do your practical work next or will you do a story first?  Your story can be the same for a whole month, although depending on what festival is during the month you may want to do a fairy tale for two weeks and then a festival story in the weeks leading up to the festival. Verses are a great way to bring in counting, mathematical ordering, the rhythm of language and rich vocabulary.   

Your practical work will follow the same rhythm each week, but the activities will change in accordance with the seasons or festival coming up.  So you may have baking, gardening, arts and crafts, handwork, painting – but each week will be something different.  It takes time to plan these things and make supply lists to make sure you have the things you need on hand. 

Lastly, make sure you have a way to end your school day, whether that is again with singing or a verse or a chime.

Look at each day of your week and plan outside time, and what afternoon you may be out of the house.  Remember, the five and six year old needs rhythm, repetition, warmth! 

The six-year-old can probably start to handle some field trips to orchards for apple picking, or the nature center, but always keep in mind what you are trying to accomplish!  It is still not the time for explanation, but for doing.  Make a fishtank or pond.  Feed the birds and make bird treats.  Take care of animals, hike and be in nature, look at the stars and planets with the naked eye, have your child do chores, grow a garden.  Look for those longer and more involved fairy tales to tell and longer and more complex projects for the six-year-old. 

Happy Planning!

Carrie

Summer Planning: Waldorf and the Early Years

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For those of you doing “summer planning” and are feeling stressed out by planning for the Waldorf  Homeschooling Kindergarten for the 4, 5 and 6  year old year, I have a few words for you all. (And PS, I am not sure you have to do too much “special planning” for the four year old except for a daily time of lighting a candle and telling the same story for a month in addition to your rhythm – most mothers of four-year-olds are still working hard on their rhythms and that is the most vital piece!)

Foremost in your mind as you plan, even for the “big” six-year-old, keep in mind the hallmarks of Waldorf Education for these ages:

1.  Imitation, not words.  Show, help gently but don’t so much direct with your words.  Use your words for singing, for verses for transitions, for

2. A steady Rhythm of work at home, outside time, play and SLEEP and REST. Sleep and rest come up time and time again in Waldorf Education throughout all the grades, this is a very important piece to work with in the 4,5, and 6 year old who is no longer napping!

3. Warmth – yes, bodily warmth and soul warmth.

4.  Protection of all 12 Senses – the small child has no FILTER.   This is why the small child does not need “field trips” to stimulating places, and needs repetition and warmth and being at home.

5. Movement – a child under the age of 7 communicates in a PHYSICAL way, in the PHYSICAL realm!

6.  Enlivening the imagination through singing, verses, fingerplays, stories

7. Setting boundaries – where are you struggling in creating your peaceful home life and what boundaries do you need to set in a LOVING, WARM, and gentle way?  Somehow people seem to think these two things are exclusive and separate from each other, but they are not! You can do this because you are the parent, and you have this tiny 4,5, or 6 year old!

8.  Your meditative work:  The World is Good Place.  And if you cannot really think this in your thoughts, than that is your own personal work.  Goodness, truth and beauty go through all the years of Waldorf Education.

It is not that Waldorf educators do not believe that a child COULD learn whatever they want to learn or ask to learn, but that it is HARMFUL for the future stages of their growth to do so.   Steiner had a very high opinion of children and thought they were extremely smart, that they were the teachers of us in many regards!  However, if your child asks to stay up all night, or eat chocolate cake for every single meal for a week, chances are you will say no.  In this regard, Waldorf education takes the health of the child as paramount importance. 

The 4,5, and 6 year old child is NOT a miniature adult that needs “filling up” and just lacks experience!  The 4,5, and 6 year old child requires an entirely different way of being dealt with by adults. This is where Waldorf is  so successful and so many of the “talk your child with logical reasoning when they are not logical” and “fill up their heads with factoids” leads to children who are completely burned out by age 8 or 9 with academics, and children who are old before their time.  I have seen it time and time again! 

Required summer reading for you if you have children in this age range:

Steiner’s “Kingdom of Childhood” and   “Education of the Child” and

Rahima Baldwin Dancy’s “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher”

If you get really ambitious try “Waldorf Education: A Family Guide” and reassure yourself that the pink bubble of Waldorf Kindergarten does not last forever, but does indeed serve an essential place.

More about summer planning for the five and six year old soon,

Carrie

A Non-Waldorf View of NOT Pushing Early Academics

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See this blog post over at MommyErin:

http://mommyerin.blogspot.com/2009/06/push-for-early-schooling.html

For those of you who are not Waldorf, but still thinking about child-led learning and such, this may be good place for you to start.  In Waldorf our perspective is a bit different, but I thought this was still a post worth mentioning for you all.  Erin is a frequent reader of this blog as well!

Cheers,

Carrie

Summer Teacher Planning – A Few Inspirations from a Waldorf Point of View

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I hope all of you get a chance to relax and refresh yourselves this summer as a family.  A large part of Waldorf Education is using sleep – and rest- as a way to further the educational and academic experience of the grades.  We see this not only in the use of the three-day- rhythm but also in the use of a summer break.  Your children will not lose anything academically, but instead will be farther ahead than where you left them when school starts up in the fall again!

However, from a teacher perspective, I do hope you talk to your spouse, your family members and work out time for YOU to do some planning for fall and next year’s school time ALONE.  This is very important for the homeschooling teacher – we have not only school to run, but a household to run, and most importantly, time as a family to be strengthened and enjoyed together!  Homeschooling is first and foremost ALWAYS about family!

In the wonderful book, “Examining the Waldorf Curriculum from an American Viewpoint” (Kellman, Staley, Schmitt-Stegman), part of the book entails the translated “Working Material for the Class Teacher: Forming the Lessons of Grades One through Eight” as translated by Mel Belenson and which can be read for guidance and thought on this subject.

“The more the teacher works on his preparations the less demands he will make on the children.  He works with their time- not his!- in an economical way.  What the teacher can and should do for the children, without their being present and perceiving it in a conscious right way to structure the lesson to daily inner occupation with the individual children, thus going from thoughts to the deepening of the thoughts to meditation.  The sequence of these efforts, which for the teacher is economical, must be discovered by each one individually.  For the teacher it is again a question of working economically.”

(page 14)

The pointers following this paragraph are briefly entailed here as follows:

1.  Study the knowledge of man, meditate on this and remember creatively the knowledge of the study of man.  The teacher should always be working out of an understanding of the knowledge of man.  In other words, one should be reading Steiner and what Steiner had to say on the blocks you are attempting to prepare before you turn to other sources.

2.  Begin early to start collecting material – it takes time to find the right poems, the right verses, to find the right emphasis and presentation of history.  We are not trying to overwhelm children in Grades One through Eight with factoids and information, but to pick the things that most greatly illustrate the subject and to light the fires of imagination and learning.

3.  Use your overview from material collection and contemplation to fashion your blocks – once you know what you are going to cover and how, it is not hard to put the blocks together.

4. One should always be thinking of how the knowledge of man and how the preparation of material leads to the soul development of the children and the way one will guide the children around this subject.

5.  Look at alternating the teacher presentation with the child’s own writings, poems, sketches, pictures during the block.  Where is the active part of the lessons?

6.  The teacher must also be mindful of the school day, the school week, and the school year – what will be accomplished, if this block was taught before how it resonated with the children.  “The value of review is often underestimated due to time considerations.  Whoever undertakes a review in a conscious and regular manner will come to see that the preparation can really proceed faster and better because of it.”  (page 15).  How will you make time for review of the school day, week and year throughout the school year?

 

There is also a wonderful section of “Golden Rules”, starting on page 18 encompassing such nuggets of “Waldorf Wisdom” as:

1. In Waldorf Education, EVERYTHING connects to the human being.  All blocks, even science, are presented in this manner.

2.  First the child does and then the child understands.  (The Active always proceeds).

3. We work from whole to parts.

4.  “The world is beautiful” – “For the teacher there is the stumbling-block that he sees what is not beautiful in the world.  His task and his exercise will be to see the beautiful in everything and to point it out.  The child himself will then always want to do his work in a careful and beautiful manner and later, in a metamorphosis of this striving, will develop a hearty interest in the world.”

This is so difficult for many parents working with Waldorf: “But the fairy tales are not beautiful!”  “The trickster tales show the most awful side of humanity”. “I cannot work with the Old Testament tales.”

Meditate on this for the summer and see where you are!  It is that important; a keystone to your work in bringing this alive to your children and giving them the soul development so necessary!

5.  We present the material through pictures and warmth.

6.  Rhythm.

7.  Have a practical life in mind – we develop the willing, the feeling, the imagination and warmth as “strongly as the intellect.” Waldorf Education is a HOLISTIC education focusing on the health of your child not only today but for his or her future as an adult! 

8.  From knowledge to knowing!

A few thoughts for Summer!  Happy planning,

Carrie

Common Toddler Challenges and How to Solve Them

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Common Toddler Challenges:

“Into Everything”:

Options:

  • Child-proof, child-proof
  • Model how to explore fragile things with your help and put away
  • Keep less things out, access to art supplies, toys, etc should truly be limited

Your Ideas:

Picky Eating:

Options:

  • Rule out a physical cause; check food allergies and sensitivities
  • Limit high-fat and high-sugar choices, have many healthy choices
  • Look at your child’s food intake over a week, not just one day
  • Have a schedule/rhythm for mealtime and snack time  and sit down with your child to eat in an unhurried manner
  • Serve smaller portions – your child’s stomach is the size of their fist
  • Serve your child’s favorite foods as a side dish to a main meal
  • Do not feel ambivalent about your child’s ability to eat what you serve
  • Allow an option to have toast or cereal for one night a week
  • Try frozen vegetables, such as peas and corn right from the bag or raw veggies with dip if your child is old enough and this is not a choking hazzard
  • Let the kids have a vegetable garden – children often will eat what they have grown
  • Start calling green veggies “brain food”
  • Sneak veggies and fruits into smoothies, or finely grate or chop and mix into foods the child likes
  • Fill a muffin tray or ice cube tray with different healthy kinds of snackable foods that the child can pick from
  • Model good eating yourself – eat a wide variety of foods!

Your Own Ideas:

Poor Sleeper:

  • Rule out physical problems  – many children had reflux when they were younger and are off of medications by the time they are a year or so, do make sure reflux has not reared its head again.  Check www.pager.org for more details regarding gastro-esophageal disease.
  • Educate yourself regarding normal sleep behavior – segmented sleep throughout the night was the norm until the Industrial Revolution
  • Expect disruptions in sleep around change, stresses, developmental milestones
  • Try a more consistent routine during the day calming and soothing techniques for naptime and bedtime
  • Try lots of daytime sunlight and dim the lights after sundown; put your house to sleep after dinner
  • Limit afternoon over-stimulation, be home and have a consistent routine where things are structured around getting ready toward sleep
  • Look at the foods your child eats
  • Hug, sleep, hold your child – parent them to sleep
  • Co-sleep
  • Remember that many toddlers and preschoolers are poised for an early nap and an early (6:30 to 7:30 PM) bedtime – sometimes we just miss the window!
  • Watch out for TV and other media exposure
  • Many normal, health co-sleeping children do not sleep a 7 to 9 hour stretch until they are 3 or 4 years old.

Nurses all the time:

Options:

  • Review normal nursing developmental milestones – 1 and 2 year olds do nurse frequently!
  • Check to see if there are stressors, changes, developmental milestones coming into play
  • Evaluate at what other times your child gets your complete attention
  • Perhaps your child is ready for a more consistent routine, more and varied things to do, more physical activity outside
  • Keep a consistent rhythm to the day and night but varied playthings available
  • Limit your own phone and computer time as this is when many children want to nurse!  LOL!

Your Own Ideas:

Refuses bath:

Options:

  • Use bubble bath, toys
  • If she fears soap in her eyes, use swimming goggles or sun visor
  • Try bath in the morning instead of at night
  • Try a shower
  • Get in tub with child
  • If child fearful of drain, can drain tub after child out of tub or after child  leaves room

Bites adult:

Options:

  • Do not take it personally, do not over-react
  • Most common between 18 months and 2 and a half years
  • Re-direct behavior
  • It is not okay for your child to hurt you!
  • Do not bite for biting!

Your Own Ideas:

Bites other child:

Options:

  • Watch child closely during playtime but realize children of this age do not need many playdates if any at all – limit the exposure and situations you are putting your child in!
  • Give attention to the victim
  • Usually biting stops by age 4

Your Own Ideas:

Slaps faces:

Options:

  • Re-direct behavior
  • Do not hit for hitting
  • Model non-aggression

Your Own Ideas:

“Demanding, exacting, easily frustrated”

Options:

  • Review normal developmental milestones and behavior
  • Check how many choices you are giving and how many words you are using and use LESS
  • Try to get in a lot of outside time
  • Go back to the basics of rhythm, sleep, warm foods, nourishing simple stories and singing

Your Own Ideas:

Will not get dressed or put on shoes:

Options:

  • Plan ahead and use easy to put on clothing, check for tags, seams
  • Sing a song, look for body parts, dress by a window
  • Dress together
  • Put clothes on when you arrive at destination

Your Own Ideas:

Running Away in Public Places :

Options:

  • Limit the number of public places you take child
  • Bring along a second adult to help if possible

Your Own Ideas:

Temper Tantrums:

  • It is OK to feel angry or frustrated; accept the feeling
  • Look for the triggers – hungry, tired, thirsty, hot/cold, over-stimulated
  • Try to avoid situations that set your child up to fail
  • Give YOURSELF a moment to get centered and calm
  • Remove yourself and child from scene if possible (if a public place)
  • Can get down with child and rub back or head if child will allow,  can just be there
  • Once child has calmed down, can nurse, give him a hug, get a snack or drink
  • If child is mainly upset and gets wants you near but you cannot touch child, consider doing something with your hands to keep that peaceful, centered energy in the room!  Hold the space for your child!
  • Do NOT talk – for most children this just escalates things!
  • If child is okay with being picked up, can go outside for a distraction

Your Own Ideas:

Refuses Car Seat

Options:

  • Let child have a bag of “car toys” that can be played with as soon as seat belt is buckled
  • Have a contest who can get in the fastest
  • Be a policman, fireman, truck driver

Your Own Ideas:

Roughness with Pets:

  • Model gentle behavior for child with pet
  • Child can help do things for pet (but remember, a child younger than 12 does not have the physical and mental capabilities to fully take care of an animal!)
  • Separate pet and child

Your Own Ideas:

Aggressive Behavior:

  • Try to understand need or trigger beneath the behavior
  • Have a rule such as we hit, we sit – Child must sit by you
  • Help the children involved get  their needs met  by structuring turns, etc.
  • If fighting happens with one friend, you may have to have them stop playing
  • together for a time.
  • If the hitting involves a new baby or young sibling, your first goal is to protect the baby
  • Have a “calm chair” or “calm place” with books, drawing materials where everyone can go together until they are calmed down.
  • Your child may need way less playdates, time outside of the home than you think – be very careful and clear that the places you are bringing your child are truly for them and not for you!  If you need times with other mothers, focus on getting bedtime down so you may be able to go out after your child is asleep and have some adult time!

Your Own Ideas:

Separation Anxiety:

  • Do not force your child to jump into situations he is nervous about – allow him to watch from the sidelines for awhile, and respect his choices.
  • Provide opportunities for your child to take small steps toward independence
  • Do not overprotect your child – do not be the hovercraft
  • Acknowledge and respect your child’s feelings
  • Give your child permission to stay with you – “You can stay here as long as you want to, or you can play and come back for a big hug.”
  • Allow the clingyness to run its course – it may be developmentally normal, or it may come out in a time of stress or change
  • Give your child something of yours to hold on to and keep close
  • Reassure your child by being confident you can walk 10 feet from her and it really is OK – If you say, “Don’t worry, I will be right here if you need me” implies there is something to worry about! Try positive, quiet phrases.
  • Again, I truly feel children in the toddler years are NOT meant to be away from their families and that we as a society really push the classes, lessons, independence of this age – Please do be careful the things you are doing are really for your child and not for you and not because “other people are doing it”!

Your Own Ideas:

Tooth Brushing:

Options:

  • Start early
  • Model good dental habits yourself
  • Make it fun – try electric toothbrushes, an egg timer, different kinds of toothpaste
  • Use the dentist as the authority on how many times a day to brush the teeth
  • Talk to the dentist regarding frequency of cleaning, putting sealants on the teeth
  • “Look” for sugar bugs or parts of food from dinner in a playful way, count teeth while brushing

Your Own Ideas:

Resources:

  • Ames, Louise Bates. Your One-Year-Old.
  • Ames. Louise Bates. Your Two-Year-Old.
  • Budd, Linda. Living With the Active Alert Child.
  • Bumgarner, Norma Jane. Mothering Your Nursing Toddler.
  • Cohen, Lawrence. Playful Parenting.
  • Coloroso, Barbara. Kids are Worth It!
  • Dettwyler, Katherine. “Sleeping Through the Night.” http://www.kathydettwyler.org
  • Flower, Hilary. Adventures in Gentle Discipline.
  • Kohn, Alfie. Unconditional Parenting.

As always, take what works for you and your family. Thanks for reading,

Carrie

Tripping Into The Toddler Years

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(This post is written more from an attachment parenting perspective).

Toddlerhood IS a time where children have a lot of energy and curiosity, and a time when many parents feel there is a shift in parenting going on – the wants and needs of the toddler are becoming two separate things!

Before you can decide how you want to channel the energy of toddlerhood, it is helpful to know two things: 1. What type of family are you? (this is a determinant in how you perceive and handle typical toddler challenges) and 2. Normal developmental milestones of a toddler ages 12 months to about age 3 and 3.  How do you view guiding your child?  What are your foundational principles?

What Kind of Family Are You??

 

In the  book Kids Are Worth It! Barbara Coloroso defines three types of families:

  1. Brickwall – This type of family has a definitive hierarchy of control with the parents being in charge, has lots of strict rules, a high value on punctuality, cleanliness and order, a rigid enforcement of rules by means of actual or threatened violence, the use of punishment to break the child’s will and spirit, rigid rituals and rote learning, use of humiliation, extensive use of threats and bribes, heavy reliance on competition, learning takes place with no margin for error, love is highly conditional, gender roles are strictly enforced, children are taught what to think but not how to think.
  1. Jellyfish A families – most likely raised in a Brickwall family, this parent is frightened of repeating the abuse he knew, but does not know what to replace it with. So he becomes extremely lax in discipline, sets few or no limits and tends to smother his children. Anything his child wants, his child gets, even if the child’s wants are at the expense of the parent’s own needs. The lack of structure can then lead to a frustrated parent who ends up resorting to threats, bribes, punishments.
  2. Jellyfish B families – May be struggling with personal problems that keep her almost totally centered on herself. No one is around to provide a nurturing, caring, supportive environment.

In both types of Jellyfish families, the following characteristics prevail: Anarchy and chaos in the physical and emotional environment, no recognizable rules or guidelines for the children, arbitrary and inconsistent punishments and rewards are made, mini-lectures and put-downs are the main parenting tools, second chances are arbitrarily given, threats and bribes are frequently used, everything takes place in an environment of chaos, emotions rule the behavior of parents and children, children are taught that love is highly conditional, children are easily led by their peers.

  1. Backbone families – Democracy is a learned experience where children see their feelings and needs are respected and accepted and they also see that it is not always easy to juggle the wants and needs of all members of the family, mistakes are viewed as opportunities to grow, rules are simply and clearly stated, consequences for irresponsible behavior are either natural or reasonable (see attached handout), children are motivated to be all they can be, children receive lots of smiles and hugs, children get second opportunities, children learn to accept their own feelings and to act responsibly on those feelings through a strong sense of self-awareness, competency and cooperation are modeled and encouraged, love is unconditional, children are taught how to think, children are buffered from sexual promiscuity/drug abuse/suicide by three messages: I like myself, I can think for myself, There is no problem so great, it cannot be solved.

Linda Budd, Ph.D., looks at three traits central to all families in her  book “Living With The Active Alert Child”: who’s in charge, what the family values, and how the family handles emotion. She breaks families down into the following categories:

  1. The Closed Family – There is someone clearly in charge, and the others are expected to follow and be obedient. The family values stability. There are many traditions and rituals to create this strong sense of family unity. The family has a hard time with the intensity of emotions. Benefits of this family type include the children growing up with a strong sense of order and feeling secure within the family structure.
  1. The Random Family – Control in this family changes hands frequently- no one person is in charge. This family values freedom, choice, competition, challenge, creative expression. Individuals are valued over the family unit. People in this family express themselves passionately, intensely, authentically. Children in this system have few limits and limited supervision, but their creativity and intensity are confirmed.
  1. The Open Family – The family values equality. Control is cooperative, participatory and persuasive. Consensus is used to make decisions. The family values dialogue, tolerance, adaptability. The family needs are balanced with individual needs. The child is valued as a partner who needs help in discovering her own limits. Parents and child negotiate limits and collaborate in problem solving. Cooperation and responsibility are valued. Children feel as if they have mutual power, and that their feelings are acknowledged.
  1. The Synchronous Family – Control is understood without one person being the source. Control comes from a shared goal or value system, not from an individual. Adults assume children will learn what is correct and what is expected by watching the parents’ example. Emotions are reserved. Children gain a strong sense of security, order and routine.

Food for thought: What kind of family is your family according to either Barbara Coloroso’s or Linda Budd’s structure?

Are you and your significant other different according to Barbara Coloroso or Linda Budd’s structure? What was the family you grew up in like?

NORMAL DEVELOPMENTAL MILESTONES FOR THE ONE AND TWO-YEAR OLD

Age 12 months – Typically…

Nurses very frequently, almost like a newborn at times

Many mothers pick a code word for nursing at this time

Cannot accept delays or explanations regarding nursing

Heads into period of disorganization (waking up at night, separation anxiety) prior to new developmental milestones.

The drive to stand and walk takes precedence over all other activities

Loves an audience, sociable

Control over feeding is (SHOULD BE) the child’s

Molars coming in; chewing on everything

Very few distinguishable words, points and gestures

Separation and stranger anxiety

Age 15 months – Typically…

Still nursing very frequently, almost like a newborn at times

The dash and dart and fling stage

Demanding, tends to grab, cry, scream

May be rather asocial, undemonstrative

Temper tantrums emerge (if they have not already)

Cup and spoon mastery may be happening

Attention span is short but will examine objects with real interest (but for less than 5 minutes)

Age 18 months-Typically…

Negativism prevails – wants what he wants, when he wants it

Turns to mother when tired, unhappy

Likes to mimic household activities

Not interested in other children – to large extent ignores them or tries to explore them by poking their eyes, pulling hair

Can play alone

Temper tantrums

Nighttime waking appears with new stresses

Walking may still be a bit uncertain, loves to go up and down stairs, squat, climb into chairs or sofas

Will lug, tug, push, pull, pound things

May run away from parents in public places

Protests violently at separation from parents

Parallel play with peers

May see biting, hair pulling, scratching, hitting toward other people

Play is child’s most powerful way to learn

Age 21 months…Typically…

Can be one of the hardest ages – wants are more definite

May be height of wakefulness at night

Height of taking clothes off and running around naked

Still easily frustrated with lots of temper tantrums

Understand which objects belong to individual family members

Cares about “mine”

Knows where household items belong

Can solve some of their own problems themselves when playing

Age 2 years – Typically…

Many still need to nurse often in order to calm themselves, but some children may nurse only around bedtimes and naptimes

Some children can begin to adjust their requests for nursing to places and times that are most comfortable for the whole family

May have difficulty going to bed/falling asleep

Warm, social

Can run little errands within the house

Touches and tastes everything

Uses sentences with verbs and is beginning to use adjectives and adverbs

Parallel play with other children

 

 

Age 2 and a half – Typically…

Much improved coordination – can walk on tiptoes, jump with both feet, climb, slide, speed up, slow down, turn corners, make sudden stops

Tense, rigid, explosive, bossy, demanding – (but unsure of himself/environment)

Demands sameness, routine

May stutter, have increased tensional outlets

May have frequent night waking, talking in sleep, night terrors, difficulty going to sleep

Self-feeding with lots of messiness prevails, smearing of food, may throw dishes on floor

May be interested in potty training

Masturbation and genital exploration common

Violent mood shifts – will suddenly become angry and out of control

Can most certainly help around the house

Closer to 3 years old, may get tired easily, easily fatigued, wants to be carried

Interacts with other children but may be in aggressive manner, possessive of his things

Hitting, slapping, pushing, screaming

Suggestions:

Accept need for sameness

Bypass head on confrontations

Divert with conversation

Distract, change the scene

Talk in advance about what will happen

Use music – sing, use verses

Age 3 years – Quick look ahead: Typically..

Can usually go along with your nursing preferences most of the time

Is tranquil, cooperative

Can help set table, prepare simple foods, clean up afterward

Usually potty trained by this point, at least for the daytime

Can be fearful and have phobias

Imagination begins to take fire, may develop imaginary friends

Has a newfound sense of humor and is able to show empathy

Friendships become more important

Will focus completely on one parent and ignore the other and then switch

Help Channel the Energy:

15 to 18 months

Gross motor activity

Loves to swing and bounce up and down (no walkers or such, please!)

Pounding toys, xylophones

Lots of time outside

Remove all breakable objects from reach

Loves to fall on purpose, slide down or bounce down a small slide

Loves to rock on a rocking boat

Loves to push furniture or toys

Two Year Olds-

Water play

Likes routine, imitating grown-up tasks

Play with homemade playdough

Stacking toys

Sand play

Blocks

Enjoys music, rhythmical activity

Acts out their own eating or sleeping

Doll play

Daily walks with opportunity to touch everything

FOUNDATION OF LOVING GUIDANCE

Use the least intrusive strategy for a situation – you will never err by being gentle

Distraction

Remaining calm and being patient is VERY important

Model what you want and set the example

Attribute the best possible motive to your child’s behavior

 

See the positive intent behind your toddler’s behavior,

Carrie

Midsummer’s Day: St. John’s Tide Day

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Some people wonder what the difference is between the solstice and Midsummer’s Day.  Summer solstice is on June 21st and is the longest day of the year.  Midsummer’s Day is fixed on June 24th, which is St. John’s Day or St. John’s Tide Day.  This day is said to be the day of birth of John the Baptist.

In the book, “Waldorf Education:  A Family Guide,” Karen Rivers writes, “John the Baptist represents man at the center of history, devoted to what is beyond himself, to the revelation of the spirit brought by Christ.  His summons was to turn inward, to search within toward a confrontation with oneself.”  St. John’s Day is a fitting time to re-assess and re-balance ourselves in this spirit.

Traditionally,  a fire was lit at sunset on the eve of St. John’s Tide Day.  The firewood was collected for days beforehand, and prayers and blessings were spoken as the fire was lit.  There are also other traditions associated with the fire, including walking around the fire three times and throwing a pebble into the center of the fire with a special prayer, and also jumping over the embers of the fire as it died to get new endeavors off to a good start or to rid themselves of their own weaknesses and inadequacies.  The book “Celebrating Irish Festivals” remarks that sometimes the embers of the fire were carried about as a smoldering torch to smoke-cleanse areas or even fields. 

St. John’s Day is also known as a wonderful time to collect herbs.  Herbs such as elderflowers, St. John’s Wort and many others may be ready at this time in your area.    With small children, one can make the eve of St. John’s Day the time to leave out small treats for the fairies in the garden or to build fairy houses.

According to the book, “All Year Round”, Midsummer Day is an excellent day to eat outside, to cook food over an open fire, use edible flowers as part of the meal.  Nature tables at this time of the year often include bees, gold spirals, and hanging suns.  Some people celebrate  by hanging a bunch of coneflowers on their front door, leave a light on all night long, or bring in sunflowers for a corner of the room.

Here are some resources for this lovely festival:

This is link to the wonderful Calendar of the Soul verses for this lovely day:

http://wn.rsarchive.org/Books/GA040/CoTS/GA040_41-12.html

Here is wonderful article covering many of the major festivals from our friends at the North London Steiner School (if you scroll to the bottom of this article there is a section on St. John’s Tide Day):

http://www.rudolfsteiner.london.sch.uk/SchoolEvents/Festivals.aspx#midsummer

Here is a link to some festival books at Bob and Nancy’s Bookshop, and there is a lecture by Steiner regarding this festival included:

http://www.waldorfbooks.com/anthro/festivals.htm

There is also this book by Charles Kovacs:

http://www.florisbooks.co.uk/books/9780863156014

Here is a more general link to the Wiki entry on Midsummer’s Eve and Day:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midsummer

The Wynstones Press “Summer” book also has many songs, verses and stories appropriate for this festival.

Hope that helps those of you planning festivities this month!

Carrie

A Vacation Away From the Computer!

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Don’t get me wrong, I like computers.  I love writing and researching and my computer is a wonderful tool and means to do this. 

However, I have been thinking a lot about the generally addictive nature of the computer in relation to Waldorf.  Part of the issue with Waldorf Education is to put in rhythm and times of in-breath and out-breath for our small children so they can develop balance and health.  Mothers sometimes talk to me about their little people who would be happy to do nothing but look at books all day or color all day or what have you.  This goes back to YOU, the mother, being the one to set the tone in your home by having times for those types of activities and times we don’t do those activities.  It takes effort to provide a rhythm, but what a wonderful payback for the effort invested!

So, now let’s jump ahead to us, the adults in the family.  There was an article in my newspaper this weekend about folks being addicted to Facebook, and it made me think about my own computer habits.  Stop for a moment and think about your own computer habits.

How many times a day do you check email?

Do you wake up in the middle of the night and want to go check email or Facebook?

Can you turn your computer off at 8 PM and be done for the night or does the computer keep beckoning to you to come and look at something else on it?

Interesting questions, aren’t they?  One thing many people are doing is taking time away from the computer – whether that is one day a week without turning the computer on or if that means closing down the computer at a certain time every night – that is up to them. 

If we want our children to achieve balance in their adulthood, the best thing we can do is to model this for them in our own lives.  In addition, if we follow the thought of having times of  in-breath and out-breath in our own homes in order to bring rhythmical qualities to our children so they can then take over these forms themselves, we are doing them a huge favor toward health.

Food for thought today,

Carrie