Category Archives: Family Life

Homemaking Through Lent

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In homemaking, one thing I would like to encourage is to give value to the innermost experiences of your soul, not just the outward.  In other words, homemaking is not just about whether or not the house is picked up or the everyone has clean underwear (although those things are nice, Smile)  , but how you feel  about your family and your home during each season.  How  does your homemaking reflect the seasons of your soul.

This is the eve before Lent begins in the Western Church.  Before you decide to click off this page because you are not Christian or anything else, realize that Lent is a season that anyone can celebrate.  It is a journey of the heart and the mind, a time of examination and stillness, a time of renewal of life, of renewal of mind heading into a spring that right now seems so far away.  For me, Lent is a time where I deliberately examine my own choices – how I am using my time, am I serving my family, am I taking care of myself?  It is a time to find a renewed source of strength.

I would like to walk through these days with you with my favorite friends:  some of the Celtic Holy ones.  I love the Celtic Saints, or you can just call them your Celtic Holy Companions, because they were so very interesting and inspiring and I do think they represent a point of commonality amongst all Christian denominations and form a bedrock of Western Civilization.  In Advent, we often travel through Advent and mark St. Nicholas Day and Santa Lucia Day for cultural reasons, for religious reasons and for personal reasons to find light in the darkest of days.  Why not do this in Lent?  There are wonderful holy people to be celebrated during Lent to inspire you to renewal.

Here is a brief background, based on my understanding of the early Celtic Church, that might help you understand the Celtic Saints a little better: Continue reading →

Ways To Encourage Your Child

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Look for the positive things in your child, and love and encourage your child.  There is a saying of something to the effect that we do not teach a toddler to walk by berating them every time they fall, but we encourage them when they make it onto their feet and stagger a few steps.  This is the same for older children; the things they are trying out and doing are different than learning to walk, but they are still learning to be a part of humanity!

Here are some encouraging words:

I knew you could do it! Continue reading →

My Favorite Links To Love This Week!

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I love pretty much anything Annette Fronz writes…lately she has been writing about the grain of the day often incorporated in Waldorf Education and she utilizes this in her home with her six children: http://ourseasonsofjoy.com/in-the-kitchen/a-month-of-mondays-monday-is-rice-day/

I like Sheila’s Grade One Qualities of Numbers block here….and Happy Birthday Sheila! http://sureastheworld.com/2013/01/21/grade-1-numbers-block/

I love to find how people have combined Waldorf Education with their religious life.  Here is a list from “Flowing With My Ducklings” regarding Judaism and Waldorf:  Continue reading →

Revolutionize Your Family For Health

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Do you feel happy and joyful most of the time?  Or consistently exhausted and overwhelmed?

Are you in good enough shape to bike, run and chase your children around?

I have spoken with so many families this month who are in the position of having too many things to do, too little time…and what frequently suffers is the basic need of the body and soul for health.  Sleep, cooking from scratch, having time to relax and rest, time to exercise, time to just BE can all be really difficult to come by when you have small children, (and I think especially when one is homeschooling and has small children about all the time).  There is no turning a walk into an aerobic exercise with a small child in tow who wants to stop and examine every cute little ant on the ground.  That is just the reality!

But, the other reality is that one cannot neglect one’s health for years on end either.  Some mothers seem to have this idea that if they can just wait until their youngest child is “X” age, then this is when their family will be getting into shape and will take better care of their health then.

My husband and I are working on revolutionizing our family life this year toward even better health.  We have always been fairly health conscious in terms of our food, using alternative health care, getting outside daily, not watching media (which is time you could spend in getting outside!), but this year we really wanted to put some specific things into place.  And sometimes that is hard, because we are apart most of the week, every week, all year long due to my husband’s work.  It is harder to urge each other on to do healthy things, like exercising without the children,  when you are not even together to support each other in person!  So, here are some things we are trying: Continue reading →

Part Two: Attachment Parenting: What’s Going On?

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The first part of this series can be found here, including some really interesting comments regarding attachment parenting and enmeshment, attachment parenting and children learning to have self-reliance:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2013/01/23/attachment-parenting-whats-going-on/

So, on with my list of the ways I feel attachment parenting as sometimes been misconstrued and misunderstood, coming from my experience of being in the attachment community for the last 11 years:

Number Two:  The only way to guide a child is to talk to them, and talk some more, no matter what the child’s age.  I think if we look at the child as moving through the stages of imitation, short explanations, needing a loving authority figure,  going into cause and effect reasoning around the age of twelve and then moving into mentorship, apprenticeship, and such during the teenaged years, a completely verbal approach cannot and should not be the answer for children of all ages.  I have written about the idea of combining thinking, feeling and willing for the guiding of a child many times and in many ways on this blog.

Sometimes I think attached parents use excessive talking to a child to not only communicate and explain, but, (in all honesty!) in hopes that the child will agree with them. This way we can still all be friends!  This can be a very passive way to set a boundary.

Just because you are attached and connected to your children doesn’t mean they are always going to agree with you!

So, I wish the attachment parenting community would Continue reading →

Attachment Parenting: What’s Going On?

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I wrote about the intersection of attachment parenting and Waldorf education some years ago in a back post, but it has been on my mind again lately…And then, just this week, there was a wonderful thread regarding this topic on Marsha Johnson’s waldorfhomeeducators@yahoogroups.com list.  Lisa Boisvert Mackenzie of Wonder Of Childhood (http://thewonderofchildhood.com/) had some particularly wise and insightful things to say about the journey of the parent  as a part of Waldorf parenting  (which we often see in the work of biography in Waldorf Education, as we, the teacher and the parent, strive to heal and understand ourselves because we are not just teaching academic subjects but teaching how we view the world and who we are!) and how this intersects with attachment parenting.

My husband and I have attachment parented three children ages 11 to 3 as of this writing.  I have been involved and am still involved in attachment parenting at my local community level, and I receive a lot of mail and questions from attached parents all over the world, so I think I am in a unique situation to know what’s going on in the world of attached parents.

So, today I want to write about some of the ways I  personally think attachment parenting has been misunderstood and misconstrued.  Again, this is my opinion, so please take what resonates for you, and leave the rest behind.  There really are no road maps for the attachment parenting of the older child; I believe there is a book out by Isabelle Fox on this subject and I think I read it a long time ago but yet I have little impression of it at this point Therefore, these are just some of my observations from seeing attached children that are now over the age of seven, up through the teenaged years.

The attached mothers I have spoken to who have children over the age of 7 or 8 wouldn’t change the fact that they are attachment parenting but many of them would change HOW they did it.  Most of the things they would change has to do with rhythm, how they communicated with the young child, and boundaries for the entire family.

So, without a road map for the older child, here is my perspective after being in the attachment community for eleven years now:

Number One: Some feel that in order to be an attached parent, the approach must be completely child-centered – ie,  the child sets the rhythm, whatever the child wants to do the parent does their best to make it happen,  anything the child says and does requires the attention of the parent.   Yet, Jean Liedloff herself wrote about the unhappy consequences of being completely child-centered here:  http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/whosInControl.html

Actually,  I think the attachment literature that has sprung up has done Continue reading →

Television, Screens and What Else To Do

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The wonderful families who read my blogs are often in varying relationships to media and screens in their lives…some have no TV, but their computers are certainly on a lot, some work from home where this is a necessity, some do allow their children media access or computer access and monitor it carefully.

 

I have written many back posts about limiting our own time on the computer or with the TV; it really can be such an obstacle towards “doing”.  If you are on the computer, you may not be cooking, making the crafts you want for your seasonal table, having friends over, doing artistic activities, making music, etc. 

 

I also find the more harried and rushed and stressed families are, the more they are likely to use computer or media as their “downtime” relaxation.  And some mothers of small children who need attention every moment still do wonder how they will garner a moment to themselves without a little electronic help, especially in a month that is often bitterly cold around much of the United States.

 

I just want to put out a gentle reminder that there are many things children can do besides something involving a screen.  Here are a few of my favorites for you to try out in your own homes this week:

 

First of all, two children are easier than one!  So seek out some friends within your community!

 

Second of all, as the saying goes, there is no bad weather, just bad clothes..so make sure you have the right clothes for the weather and go and enjoy being outside.  The older the children become, they also can enjoy more athletic pursuits in the snow and cold.

 

Have the basic, open ended elements of play in your home:  silks, scraps of fabric, yarn, towels and blankets for fort-making, old scarves, cardboard boxes and brooms that can be used for playing house or riding a horse!

 

For children a bit older whom you can trust around art supplies, try an art corner or station of wonderful art supplies, paper, fabric, paints, sandpaper, feathers, and other various supplies for artistic fun!

 

For toddlers, how about asking for their help with cooking or cleaning?  How about a bath when all else fails? I gave our three year old a morning bath the other day and we did some homeschool in the bathroom whilst he happily splashed about in the master tub.

 

For three to six year olds:  salt dough is a favorite in our house as well – I try to make up fresh batches that have interesting essential oils or textures in them.  Bubbles are also a hit anytime of the year!

Natural blocks are always fun for building – you can make your own and sanding can be another project!  Singing, dancing and making music also comes naturally to this age group.

 

For those ages six to twelve,  I think about making tents or forts, telling jokes, playing games and cards, making collages, creating art, cooking, building, reading, and  making models of airplanes or cars.

 

Cooking is another one of those projects that never gets old!  Cookies, bread, comforting soups and stews, even things in the dehydrator for my families who eat a higher percentage of raw foods.  Cooking definitely gets my vote for fun!

 

I think it boils down to having fun as a family during this cold weather, and doing what we can to boost each other’s joy.  I wrote a post sometime back about Joy In January, perhaps it could another source of inspiration:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/01/joy-for-january/

 

In Joy!

Love,

Carrie

A Plough Monday Reflection: Gathering A Rhythm That Works For You

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It is that time of year – almost time or completely time for back to school after a long winter break  for most parents and school-aged children. Whether you have children under the age of seven, children that you are homeschooling, or children attending school outside of the home, a good rhythm provides a beautiful anchor for your year of wonder, learning and love as a family.

 

Rhythm is what anchors us as human beings into the cosmos.  Our bodies are attuned to this rhythm if only we don’t dull our feelings and forget the seasonal ebb and tide that we too participate in, even if only at an unconscious level. 

 

I propose that you start this year with some quiet meditation and prayer as to what is really working in your family, and what is not working.  How can you garner a rhythm that works for you?  Do you need to cut back on outside activities?  If you are a working single parent, how would simplifying your schedule look for you?

 

I would love to see you start with YOU.  If you, as the mother and in conjunction with your partner or spouse, can set a rhythm for you  and the adults in your family, then you can slowly help your children come into rhythm.

 

Here are some areas to look at:

  • What time are you going to bed?  Are you getting enough sleep?
  • Are you up before your children, even if it is just by a few minutes?  If not, what is your plan in order to keep everyone happy whilst you fix breakfast, get dressed, get organized for the day?  Can you do any of it at night?
  • What do you do for yourself and how often?  When do you find time to pray and meditate?  Exercise?  Are there things you do for yourself on a daily basis that are just for you?
  • When do you have fun with your children and your family?  Daily, weekly?   When do you get to spend time with your children and just BE with them and enjoy them?
  • What nourishing images and beauty do you have in your home? 

 

I have always advised starting with the basics of sleeping and meal times. Then you can add in nurturing care of your home.  Some mothers who really need an intensive start up beginning to a new rhythm will enlist family or friend help in order to really get their home in as much order as possible and then work with a chore and menu system to maintain their space and time.

 

Then, please do look at what your family members are doing to help nurture your home.  A basic tenant of Waldorf parenting and homeschooling is that all family members can contribute to work in the home.  What are your children doing to help take care of your home?  Smaller children under the age of six weave in and out of work, but those six and up can and should certainly have responsibilities.

 

Lastly, I think it is important to evaluate your rhythm based upon the season.  Right now, in the United States, we are experiencing winter.  Winter requires a different pace than other seasons.  Winter requires a look at sleep; the sun is setting earlier and also rising later.  How do your sleep patterns take this into account?  What about food: warming foods and even spicier foods have been traditional for winter, along with herbs that support the immune system.  Warmth for the body is very important; we look at having up to three layers on top and two on the bottom.  I think winter can also be an important time to replenish oneself, to slow down, to reevaluate.  What does this look like for you?

 

I can’t wait to hear how all of you are doing after these holiday weeks.

Many blessings,
Carrie

The Light Of Epiphany

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Christmastide is coming to a close; the beautiful and sacred twelve holy days and nights are ending in this glorious Twelfth Night.  I hope you have beautiful plans for tomorrow!

 

Some of my dear friends and I gathered to make these sweet stars:

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You can find instructions for these stars and other Epiphany crafts, including a recipe for a Twelfth Night cake, here at Little Acorn Learning:   http://littleacornlearning.com/threekingsthemebook.html

 

In the book, “All Year Round”, the authors write, “The star that the Wise Men followed led not away into the widths of the heavenly worlds but to a house, an earthly dwelling, and an inevitable part of their journey was their encounter with evil in the person of Herod.  We, too, may be following a star, seeking the abode of our highest aspirations.  This is always to be found on the earth – set firmly in the ground of daily life, earthly tasks and responsibilities.  On the way, we meet unforeseen difficulties, disappointments, even dangers, which may force us to change direction.  But on all this the star shines:  on the success and the failure, on the good and the evil, and in the clear light of its rays we are guided ever forward.”

 

May you all have a blessed day, and here is to finding your path this year in 2013. 

Carrie

Your Holiday Questions Answered!

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Dear Friends,

We are still in the midst of the twelve days of Christmas; our Christmas tree is still up, gifts are still being exchanged as we do a smattering of small things at different points during the twelve holy nights; and since today is New Year’s Day I have a big pot of Hoppin’ John simmering away on the stove like any good Southerner.  Happy 2013 to all of you; may you all have many blessings this year!  May this be a year of grace, courage and steadiness for you!

 

I have heard from so many of you via email asking questions about holiday traditions and also about what to do with family who has different ideas regarding the holiday traditions and parenting.

 

Traditions are a wonderful thing and can be layered in over time as your children grow.  Instead of looking for the external things outside the home (outside of a place of worship that is important to you during the holiday season!), look at how you can build things within your own family, your own home and within your own neighborhood.  I think there are many posts on this blog regarding how to celebrate Advent, St. Nicholas Day, Santa Lucia, the twelve holy nights and Christmastide and Epiphany.  I am Christian, and therefore, I don’t feel qualified to write about the holidays from any other perspective,  but there are certainly many blogs out there who do write about such matters, so I always encourage my readers to search out and use what resonates and works for them as a family.  You are the expert on your own family!  Have that courage and confidence to create your own family culture, your own traditions and don’t worry if it doesn’t look like anyone else’s!  I enjoyed Melisa Nielsen’s post on this very topic here:  http://waldorfessentials.com/blog/2012/12/traditions-my-own-inner-christmas/

 

As you work toward creating this, please do be sure to include acts of service for neighbors and including those in your community who are alone.  That is such a lovely things for this time of year. 

 

We can also plan how to adjust things, how to layer traditions in for the future celebrations.  Several days ago, I sat down with a December 2013 calendar and penciled in a few things based upon how I was feeling when Christmas Day was completed.  I penciled in the things we always do that are outside of the home, reminded myself of what day I wanted to start telling stories about St. Nicholas and Santa Lucia, reminded myself that I have the control to “X” out whole days to be home during the holidays—and I put it all on the calendar.  This calendar, done so many months out and away from next Christmas, won’t be a finality, but it will give me somewhere to start in planning whilst my mind is still in that holiday place.

 

I am also making a concerted effort to try to do some crafting with friends a few times within the next weeks and to make things that are holiday oriented that I wish I had had time to make this year!  I wanted to make a felt portraiture of Santa Lucia (how long that has been on my list!), so I could display it during Advent as we walk with the Saints.  I wanted to make some things for Epiphany as well.  This is also a good time of year to order things for next holiday season as far as décor whilst it is in your mind what you missed.

 

Now on to the other oft-asked question:  extended family.  I know it is not really what folks want to hear when they write in, but to me this is such an individual thing.  I don’t know your history, your family dynamics and what really goes on  when I read such small snippets of emails.  It makes me really reluctant to advise anything!

 

If your family is completely dysfunctional and there is nothing healthy or of redeeming value, then I suggest you work with a family counselor to determine the best course of action for the holidays.  It may be that your extended family is that toxic, the relationships cannot be saved, and that it is for the best for separation.  That pains me to say it, but I have known families where this is truth.

 

If your family is far away and traveling is involved, I suggest families look at several things:  where it is best to stay, to  think and strategize  how to keep their children on a semi- rhythm and with some of the familiar foods they normally eat, and to scout out areas of outside play or outside attractions for burning off energy.

 

Many issues come up around media and extended family on Waldorf lists.  I have even seen concerned parties advising others to not bring children to visit grandparents because television is always on in discourse on this list.  I have to say I disagree.  Most of my immediate family have passed away, and I honestly would be pleased to have my children spend any time with my mother, even if it was watching golf on TV.  I am being truly honest here.  However, I do think it is okay to advocate for your child and to help grandparents know what would be appealing.   If grandparents are open, you may be able to initiate a conversation about having Grandma and Grandpa tell stories about when they were little, you may be able to ask them to bake holiday cookies with your children or any other number of things.  And yes, of course, one can take the initiative and ask that the TV be turned off in a polite way.  “It is hard for me to hear you over the TV and I really would love to talk to you since we don’t see each other that often.”  “I would love for us to tell stories about when you were young, Grandma and Grandpa…Do you think we could turn the TV off so little Jack is not distracted?”  I think just being friendly, open and loving can often go a long ways in navigating  the media department.

 

The other thing that frequently comes up is expectations.  Perhaps your  own parents came from a “children should be seen and not heard” mentality and find the noise and high emotions challenging.  I  do often think grandparents have truly forgotten what it is like to live with tiny children under the age of 9 if their own children have been off and gone for a number of years.  My husband and I often remark that he was going off to college when his parents were the ages we are now, (and here we are with children from ages 11 down to 3!).  At any rate, if grandparents have been living without children for a long time, it can be difficult to adjust to that level of noise and happy chaos again!  So expectations on the part of family can change from the beginning of your trip to the end of your trip.  I think that is something to keep in mind when you arrive and are feeling tense over every bout of sibling fighting or tears.

 

I think all you can do is try to relax, and breathe. It is not going to go perfectly. And it doesn’t have to! I think mothers often put way too much pressure on themselves  to make sure they present themselves and their children as “perfect.”.  Sometimes being authentic and real is even better. 

 

And not all expectations are bad.  Sometimes being with extended family does allow us to see our children through different lenses, and to realize we are doing many things right;  that our children can adapt to different family cultures and that their manners are decent.  Sometimes it makes us realize the areas where we have let things slide in our own homes or helps us realize we need to talk to our children about what makes other family members comfortable too.  It is not all about our own child, it is also about the whole extended family unit, which involves compromise.  I don’t think this should be a source of guilt, or shame, or sadness, but  just a piece of learning about how we can help our children fit into our family for next year.  “Aunt Mildred really likes it when you take the time to talk to her,” you can say to your eleven-year-old. 

 

The December holidays are a short period; usually these family gatherings only take several days to a week.  Some families have also found it to be less stressful and more fun to visit extended family sometime before or after a main holiday.  I would not be afraid to change around traveling plans for what works for your family, without feeling of obligation of “this is how we have always done it.”

 

If family is coming to visit you and stay in your home, I think it is okay to have a conversation about how excited you are that they are coming, but also to set some basic rules down for everyone’s comfort.  After all, if family only comes a certain amount of time each year, they may not realize that you really honestly don’t watch a lot of media, or that your children really do go to bed early. 

 

If your family is coming to your home and you feel tense, I think it is worthy to ask yourself if this is due to the usual hustle and bustle kinds of things, or is it due to the dynamics between you and family members?  I guess all you can do if it is family dynamics, is to observe yourself, watch yourself and look at what you can do to promote peace in your own home.  You are the only one that you have control over. 

 

Much love in this New Year, and many blessings,
Carrie