Category Archives: Family Life

Is Your Home A Sanctuary?

Posted on by
5

If you have small children and read this blog, you know the mantra I have regarding the need to entrench your small children firmly in the home and the need for us as parents to be careful about establishing rhythm at home and being happy in the home before we start adding many outside errands or activities.  Part of Waldorf in our homes is learning and practicing many practical life skills for the small child to see and emulate – and how can we do this if we are not home?

One thing to consider with being home is our physical environment.  We probably all have areas of our homes we would like to improve, but being home does not mean we need to have an expensive house or furnishings to be happy.

One of the first things one can do to improve the physical beauty of the home is to seriously look at the amount of stuff and clutter in the home and pare it all down.  Many folks are first attracted to Waldorf because of all those beautiful wooden toys – interesting that Steiner often discussed how the best toys were extremely simple and homemade, and yet we have this cottage industry of many, many toys.  Pare down your toys, the amount of clothes your kids have and how many things you have.  Your small home will seem spacious!

The second thing may be to consider unusual uses of space.  I currently have a lovely school room in my dining room area and my dining room in a sunroom area.  The dining room is more contained for homeschooling (ie, can’t see it from the front door when you walk in) and the sunroom area is larger and visible directly from the front door.  Our breakfast nook area off the kitchen is a also now a playroom to keep the children close whilst I cook or clean.

Paint is something to consider as well.  The right shade of paint can really warm a room and make it inviting.  Evaluate your furniture as well – if you painted this piece of furniture or changed the drawer pulls, would it look totally different?  Many times this is just as good as getting new furniture!  Can you reupholster anything? 

Rugs, curtains and pillows are last.  If you can sew, that is so helpful but even if you cannot, perhaps you can find wonderful thrift store bargains.  Can you take down the blinds and clean them all before you put up new curtains?

Then look at the outside of your house.  Does it need painting?  Pressure washing? Mulch?  Is the front entry inviting? If you enter through the garage can you walk through the garage?  Does the garage need painting?

This is a lot about the physical environment because I think when we are home all day the physical clutter, cleanliness and appearance of our homes can really affect how we feel!

Of course, the most important aspect of the home is the aspect of ensoulement.  Is your home a happy place to be?  A place where your children feel most calm and peaceful? Is it a warm and friendly place?  Is is a place where if a relative fell asleep on the sofa that would be okay and even welcomed?  Does your home attract people to want to come and be in it?

Happy cleaning!

Carrie

Michaelmas is Coming!

Posted on by
37

Michaelmas has long turned into one of my very favorite holidays!! If this festival is new or unfamiliar to you, please read on about this day.  September 29th is the special day!

Michaelmas is an autumn festival that to me really opens up the season for the awakening of our souls as the weather gets colder, the light recedes, and we look toward strengthening our own inner reserves, our own inner strength.  I LOVE this time of year!  After the expansiveness of summer (which I personally often find exhausting, LOL), I am so happy to have the cooler weather return and to be more meditative and inward.

Michaelmas, as you can probably guess, is named for Saint Michael.  Michael was one of the four archangels, and is the angel who threw Lucifer out of Heaven.  He is the Angel of Courage, the Angel of the Fight Against Evil.  Take courage for the long, cold winter from Saint Michael!  Saint Michael usually is painted as riding a white steer, carrying a heavenly sword, and slaying a dragon.  Sometimes he is portrayed as carrying scales, because he also has the task of weighing the souls of men. 

The Wikipedia definition cites where Michael fits into Christianity, Islam and the Jewish religions (and more,) here: 

“Michael (Hebrew: מִיכָאֵל‎, Micha’el or Mîkhā’ēl; Greek: Μιχαήλ, Mikhaḗl; Latin: Michael or Míchaël; Arabic: میکائیل‎, Mikā’īl) is an archangel in Jewish, Christian and Islamic tradition. He is viewed as the field commander of the Army of God. He is mentioned by name in the Book of Daniel,[1] the Book of Jude[2] and the Book of Revelation.[3] In the book of Daniel, Michael appears as “one of the chief princes”[1] who in Daniel‘s vision comes to the angel Gabriel‘s aid in his contest with the angel of Persia (Dobiel), and is also described there as the advocate of Israel and “great prince who stands up for the children of your [Daniel’s] people”.[4]

The Talmudic tradition rendered Michael’s name as meaning “who is like El?”, – so Michael could consequently mean “One who is like God.” But its being a question is alternatively understood as a rhetorical question, implying that no one is like God.”

If you would like to read more, here is the link to the full entry:   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_%28archangel%29

There are all sorts of things one can look at for this time to celebrate.  We would never explain to small children all I just wrote about Saint Michael, the joy of the festivals with a small child is the DOING, not the explaining!

Some ways to celebrate and lead up to the festival:

  • Start learning Michaelmas songs and verses.  Try Autumn Wynstones and many other traditional Waldorf books for ideas.  You may also have hymns or music within your own religious path.
  • Look for Michaelmas Daisies.  Here is a picture:  http://www.bestgarden.net/Photo_Album/Pages/Aster_novi-belgii.htm
  • Have Harvest Foods. (This used to include roasting a goose – tell me, my European readers, does it still??)
  • Tell stories about Saint Michael  or St. George.  St. George is  the Earthly counterpart to Saint Michael – you could make Saint George tunics (white pillowcases with red crosses sewn on).  Swords and shields are also customary, which makes some Waldorf teachers and parents nervous.    Here is a link of how one Waldorf Kindergarten teacher dealt with this in her classroom:   http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/GW4007.pdf
  • Stories could include “The Kite” from “Festivals, Families and Food”, any number of Kindergarten Stories from that pink book “An Overview of the Waldorf Kindergarten.”  For younger children, Melisa Nielsen has a story in her “Before the Journey” book and Suzanne Down has a lovely story called “Little Boy Knight” in her book “Autumn Tales.”   Reg Down has put his Michaelmas story from the Tiptoes Lightly stories on his website here: http://www.tiptoes-lightly.net/DOWNLOADS/tales_FESTIVAL/The%20Most%20Beautiful%20Dragon%20in%20the%20Whole%20World.pdf
  •   I believe there is also a story of St. George on-line at Main Lesson that would be lovely for the Second Grader studying Saints and Heroes. There are also two stories by Irene Johanson in the book “Stories for the Festivals of the Year”, available from Bob and Nancy’s Bookshop or Rudolf Steiner College Bookstore.    If you are religious, perhaps you could read from your own religious texts.
  • You could dye capes from marigolds for the big day.
  • You could make a Courage Salve from Calendulas.
  • You could do something that requires bravery that day – a hike, an obstacle course?   How about a scavenger hunt for Dragon Tears? 
  • Making dragon bread is very traditional. There is a lovely bread recipe and  corresponding story in the festival book “All Year Round”.
  • You can make Michaelmas Candles, see page 143 of “All Year Round”
  • Crafting “shooting stars” and dragons are also traditional.  Try this link:  http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/GW3211.pdf 
  • You could make a mobile with a dragon and an angel representation on it. 

Start early, go slow and add things year by year – it does not all have to happen this year!  There should plenty of preparation and work leading up to a festival as well, festivals are not a one-day celebration!

Use this time for your own inner work, what do you need to strengthen?  What resolve will you need as you head into fall?

Much love,

Carrie

Favorite Fall Tales for Waldorf Kindergarten

Posted on by
30

This is NOT an all-inclusive list, just a few of my favorites for the season!

 

For Four Year Olds:

For September: (and many of these could work for October or November as well!)

Anything from Suzanne Down’s “Autumn Tales” – I love
“Pipper’s Wild Plum Pie”  and   “The Apple Elves”

The Pancake Mill from “Let Us Form A Ring”

The Enormous Turnip

The Little Light Horse from “Plays for Puppets”

“The Apple Star”

Any of the wonderful Michaelmas stories available – Melisa Nielsen has a story in her “Before the Journey” book, Suzanne Down has “Little Boy Knight” in her “Autumn Tales”, in the book “An Overview of the Waldorf Kindergarten” (the pink book) try “Michaelmas Story of the Star Children” or “Michael and the Dragon”

 

For October:

Suzanne Down’s “How WitchamaRoo Became the Pocket Witch” from “Autumn Tales”

“The Naughty Hobgoblin” from “Let Us Form A Ring”

“The Anxious Leaf”  try www.mainlesson.com

Suzanne Down’s “Why Trees Turn Colors in Autumn” from “Autumn Tales”

 

For November:

Stone Soup – a song version can be found in “Let Us Dance And Sing”

Melisa Nielsen has a simple story of Saint Martin in her “Before the Journey” book

Suzanne Down’s “Autumn Bear” from “Autumn Tales”

“Autumn Story” from Autumn Wynstones about Hedgy Hedgehog

 

For December:

Suzanne Down’s “How the Robin Got Its Red Breast” from her newsletter

“St. Nicholas and the Star Children” from Winter Wynstones

The Gingerbread Man

 

For Five Year Olds:

For September:

Any of the above plus:

Song version of “The Three Little Pigs” as found in “Let Us Dance And Sing” could be personalized with fall details as could “Goldilocks and the Three Bears” or The Brothers Grimm Tale “Little Red Cap”

For October:

Any of the above plus:

Elizabeth Thompson Dillingham’s “A Halloween Story” 

For November:

Any of the above plus

“Spindlewood”, found in “Let Us Form A Ring”

“Mashenka and the Bear” found in “Plays for Puppets

“The Seed Babies’ Blanket” – try www.mainlesson.com

“The Elder Brother” also try www.mainlesson.com

“Sweet Porridge” many versions out there!

For December:

Any of the above

“The Elves and The Shoemaker” from The Brothers Grimm

The Story of the Christmas Rose

“The Mitten”

For Six Year Olds:

Any of the above plus:

September:

I love “The Hut in the Forest” by The Brothers Grimm – you could add fall details or spring details and tell it any time you like!

October:

The Bremen Town Musicians by The Brothers Grimm

November:

Any of the wonderful Native American tales – many are reprinted in issues of “Gateways” available through www.waldorflibrary.org

December:

“The Star Money” from The Brothers Grimm

“Little Grandmother Evergreen”

“Mother Holle” would be nice for January or “The Snow Maiden” from “Plays for Puppets”

 

Be sure to add YOUR personal favorites in the comment section below!  Share with other mothers and help them!  Also, don’t forget to tell some of the same stories year to year as children love the repetition!

Love,

Carrie

More Fall Resources for the Waldorf Kindergarten Crowd

Posted on by
3

Folks have been emailing me in reference to my post here and asking where to find verses, songs and stories. 

www.mainlesson.com has some lovely fall stories for free!  Look under Waldorf Kindergarten, and leave the legends and longer fairy tales out unless you have a six year old, and there is still quite a bit to bit from!

Reg Down has a few of his stories from his Tiptoes Lightly Series on his website, look here:  http://www.tiptoes-lightly.net/stories.html

Another favorite resource for me personally is Bronja Zahlingen’s “LIfetime of Joy” and also Suzanne Down’s “Autumn Nature Tales”

For songs, try Elisabeth Lebret’s small red book “Pentatonic Songs” for some traditional Waldorf favorites or if you are looking for some new Waldorf favorites try Jodie Mesler’s new CD available here:  http://www.homemusicmaking.blogspot.com/

For verses, try the Autumn Wynstones book and also Wilma Ellersik’s “Gesture Games for Autumn and Winter.”

For circle time if you do a circle in your house, try “Let Us Form A  Ring” for verses, songs and some fairy tales in the book and music to go with many fairy tales, or “Movement Journeys and Circle Adventures.”

Hope that helps you gather things.  There are many things out there, but they are copyrighted and therefore not available on the Internet.

If you are short on funds, consider the used Waldorf curriculum group available on Yahoo!Groups.  You may have to be fast to catch some things, but you can get some great deals!

Peace,

Carrie

What Happens If I Don’t Keep My Child Warm?

Posted on by
13

There has recently been an interesting thread over at the Mothering Dot Community Forums (on the Waldorf sub-forum)  regarding the importance of hats and warmth and what happens if warmth is not maintained.

Here are some articles regarding warmth to start you off:

This one is about dressing the Waldorf Baby:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/early-years-nurturing-young-children-at-home/the-waldorf-baby/dressing-the-very-young-child.html

Also this blog post by Donna Simmons regarding the importance of hats:

http://christopherushomeschool.typepad.com/blog/2007/05/lets_hear_it_fo.html

Here is another article about warmth and health of the young child:

http://tidewaterschool.blogspot.com/2008/12/warmth-strength-and-freedom-by-m.html

This is one of my personal favorites:  http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/sjohnsonwarmth.pdf

One point that Susan Johnson, the MD who wrote this article makes, is especially pertinent:

“Warmth is probably one of the greatest gifts we can give our children, not only the warmth of love, but the physical warmth of their bodies.  Children are developing their bodies especially during the first seven years of their lives.  An infant or a young child will always feel warm unless they are on the verge of hypothermia because they have an accelerated metabolic rate.  If we don’t provide them with the layers of cotton and wool to insulate their bodies, then they must use some of their potential “growth” energy to heat their bodies.  This same energy would be better utilized in further developing their brain, heart, liver, lungs and other organs.”

Here is a blog post I wrote regarding the 12 senses that points out the place of warmth within the hierarchy of the senses:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/22/the-twelve-senses/

I personally think the consequences of not being warm enough comes down to three separate things: one is the fact that then energy is diverted away from development of the inner organs and brain, the second one is that warmth is a gateway to the higher senses of the 12 senses and could possibly be related to the explosion of sensory processing disorders we are seeing in this generation of children, and the third thing is that lack of warmth (both physical AND emotional –always remember that warmth is about emotional warmth as well as the physical warmth) can lead to a literal freezing of creativity and lack of enthusiasm – the highest level of warmth in a human is enthusiasm!  Rahima Baldwin Dancy writes on page 48 of “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher”:  “The sense of warmth is very important throughout early childhood, for warmth is the vehicle through which the will penetrates the body.”

Edmond  Schoorel writes in his book “The First Seven Years:  The Physiology of Childhood” that “In the child, the warmth of the body is warmth of the head.  In the lower pole, we have to look for the warmth of will.  That has to do with an intentional, directed will that brings the child into a true relationship with his or her environment.  It is obvious that infants do not have this yet.  Most of their movements are chaotic and undirected.  During infancy, each directed movement is connected to reflexes, such as aiming for the nipple, sucking, or swallowing.”  Remember, sometimes nothing can calm a baby as a warm hat, warmth is important for good weight gain and for organization of the senses.

Therefore, it is a good idea to keep your child’s head covered throughout the first year and to really watch the layers of clothing a child wears up until age 9 or so.  Wool and silk are preferable coverings; some of my favorite caps for infants and toddlers  can be found here:  http://www.nordicwoollens.com/c188943.2.html

Stay warm this winter and all-year round,

Carrie

“HELP! My puppy is biting my toddler!”

Posted on by
45

Today I have the great fortune of having a guest blog writer – my dear friend and expert dog trainer Samantha Fogg!  Thank you so much Samantha for this column and your expertise!  Here is what Samantha writes in response to a very common problem:

“HELP! My puppy is biting my toddler!!!”

I can’t count the number of times I’ve gotten a phone call from a panicked parent who is considering sending their new puppy back to the breeder or to a shelter because the puppy is biting them, their child, and they think that perhaps their pup is aggressive, or bad, or that they can’t handle a puppy in a house with children.  Sometimes the parent has contacted other trainers who haven’t offered any help, but who have said things like “never leave a puppy and a young child together unsupervised” and the parent took this to me that combining puppies and children is dangerous.  Puppies and children CAN co-exist in the same household, but it will take a bit of work and understanding, and yes supervision.  But really, I don’t recommend leaving young children unsupervised, whether or not there is a puppy in the mix.

Puppies bite everything.  Human babies do this too.  Remember when your child stuck everything into his or her mouth?  Puppies are learning about their world, and they are exploring, and everything, including your fingers and your child’s hands, are things your pup wants to learn about so into the mouth they go.  Puppies don’t have hands, so where your human baby patted things, and rolled things in his or her hands, your pup can only use his or her mouth.

It may seem like a cruel joke that puppies are at their most oral at the same time that their teeth are the sharpest, and yes puppy teeth hurt.  Dogs need to have exquisite control over their mouths.  They need to be able to exert the precise amount of control to gently lift and carry fragile items, and also to be able to rip and tear food.  Super sharp puppy teeth guarantee that the pup will get lots of feed back about how much pressure s/he is exerting.  When puppies play with each other they wrestle, and bite, and grab onto each other.  If one puppy bites another puppy too hard, the hurt pup will give a high pitched yelp and go a bit limp.  The biting pup should immediately back off.  If the biting pup persists with biting too hard, the one being bitten will refuse to play with the biter.  Thus puppies learn exactly how hard they can bite each other without hurting, and they gain control of their mouths.

The longer a pup stays with Mom and littermates, the farther along in their bite inhibition training they will be, but even a 12 week old pup won’t have mastered his or her mouth so you’ll need to take over where Mom and the littermates left off.  Some people punish a dog for using his or her mouth, and while in the short term this may solve the problem of sore hands, in the long term, the dog doesn’t learn sufficient bite inhibition.  Hurt dogs defend themselves by biting, and if something terrible happens, say your toddler hurts your dog badly, you want the dog to know that humans are fragile, and to be able to restrain himself and only put his mouth on your child, and not scar your child.  Bite inhibition is critical.  To teach this, you (depending on the age of your children, you likely do not want them to do this)  want to solicit play with your hands.  When the puppy bites you too hard yelp like a hurt puppy and let your hand go limp.  Your pup should immediately back off.  When the pup backs off, start the game again.  If the pup is over-stimulated, or overly tired, the pup may have a bit of a temper tantrum, and may repeatedly bite too hard.  If this happens, your goal should be to calm your pup down, perhaps by giving the pup some time away from people, or using gentle friendly restraint.  When you yelp, a small percentage of puppies will react as though your hand is prey, and will attack more, if this happens, cease playing with the pup and ignore the pup for a couple minutes every single time the pup bites too hard.  As with most things in dog training, repetition is important.  The more frequently you work on this with your puppy the sooner your puppy will learn to control his mouth.

Once your pup is able to play with you gently, it is time to let the puppy know that they can only play with your hands if they are invited to do so.  If the pup isn’t invited to play and grabs at your hands, either yelp like a hurt puppy again, or simply walk away.  In the beginning you’ll want to initiate the game a lot so that your puppy can learn the difference between being invited to play (puppy gets to play), and not being invited to play (puppy doesn’t get to play).  Once your pup understands that teeth can only touch human skin if invited to do so, you can gradually stop asking your puppy to play this game at all.

In addition to teaching your pup about bite inhibition, you want to provide your puppy with plenty of puppy-safe toys to chew.  Stuffed kongs, especially ones that are frozen, are a great toy for pups, but take a look at your local pet supply store, and try things out (see www.kongcompany.com for kongs and stuffing ideas!).  Ideally you should get enough toys so that you can rotate the toys out.  Toys that a dog hasn’t seen in a couple weeks are far more exciting than toys that the dog sees on a daily basis.  Remember — puppies NEED to chew, so if you don’t provide things for the pup to chew on, your pup will find things to chew on, and you won’t like your puppy’s choices.

Depending on the age of your children, you’ll need to involve them in this process to a greater or lesser degree, but unless your child is a baby, your child will need to participate in the bite inhibition training.  Fortunately for many children their initial instinct when nipped by a puppy is to scream in a high pitched voice, and to refuse to play with the puppy.  But you still want to practice.  Start before your puppy arrives (or if you already have a puppy, start with the pup out of the room).  Have your child practice yelping like a hurt puppy.  Make this a fun game.  Also have them practice freezing, and going limp.  Make sure that your child does NOT hit the puppy, or get aggressive toward the puppy.

More important than teaching the child what to do when nipped, you want to set puppy and child up for successful interactions.  A great game to help with this is the Invisible Dog Game. You’ll need lots of dog treats for this.  The rules are as follows:

1. Dog must be on a leash no longer than 6 feet, and the leash must be held by an adult.

2. Dogs who are in a down position are VISIBLE.  Dogs who are doing ANYTHING except lying down, are INVISIBLE.

3. Dogs who are VISIBLE can be patted, talked to, and given treats.  Dogs who are INVISIBLE must be ignored.

4. Don’t talk to the dog or tell the dog what to do.  Just stick to the above rules, your dog will figure it out.

When you first play this game, your pup may have a hard time coming up with the idea to lie down.  That is OK, but you want to make sure that your child stays engaged, so talk to your child about how the dog is invisible and where is the dog, and so forth.  Try to avoid becoming so animated that the dog has fun with this.

As soon as your dog becomes visible (lies down), make a big deal about it.  “Oh, there is the dog!” and immediately give the dog treats.  If the dog leaps back up — and many will in the beginning — the dog is invisible again “where did the dog go?  Wasn’t the dog just here?”  As your dog gets the hang of this, your dog will spend longer, and longer in the down position and you’ll have the opportunity to do things like — “where is the dog’s tail” and as soon as the child touches the dog’s tail, give the dog a cookie, and “how many paws does the dog have?” and give the dog a cookie each time the child touches a paw.  When the dog gets even better the child can sit with the dog, patting the dog and telling the dog stories.

Quit the game before dog and child get tired of the game.

Of course, puppies are learning a lot more than just about how to control their mouths, and puppies, like small children, can have temper tantrums or lose control of themselves.  Puppies who get overly tired, or over -stimulated, may nip more, may fling themselves about, may even air snap.  Puppies benefit from having a rhythm to their days, and to having plenty of nap time.  Puppies tend to be energetic in bursts, and then need to sleep.  Puppies who miss naps are often fussy, and grumpy.  Make sure that your pup is getting plenty of down time.  Puppies who don’t get enough exercise also have trouble controlling themselves.  You don’t want to go on overly long walks, or runs with your pup, but you do want them to have plenty of off-leash play time.

To recap — spend a lot of time teaching your puppy about bite inhibition, give your pup plenty of things to chew, teach your children what to do if the puppy nips them but try to avoid the pup nipping the children as much as you can, play games that teach positive ways for child and pup to interact, have a rhythm to your day that includes both active times and quiet times for the puppy.

Samantha Fogg

work+play positive dog training

Atlanta, GA (The next Babies+Dogs class will start in October!)

http://workplaydogs.com

Thank you again, Samantha!

Carrie

This Is Just Awesome!

Posted on by
Reply

So hilarious!! Check it out!

http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1501574/Breastfeeding_is_Offensive

Love it, love it, love it!

Carrie

Using Our Words Like Pearls

Posted on by
19

Marsha Johnson has a document within her FILES section of her Yahoo!Group (Waldorfhomeeducators@yahoogroups.com to join) entitled something along the lines of “Use Your Words Like Pearls”.  In it she addresses using vocabulary, transitions in the home, many different aspects of the wonderful language we live in and speak every day.

This phrase took on new meaning for me today though.  A thread started over at Melisa Nielsen’s A Little Garden Flower Yahoo!Group (homeschoolingwaldorf@yahoogroups.com) in response to my post from yesterday entitled, “Raising Peaceful Children.”  One thing that was mentioned is how adults frequently relate to children these days is through sarcasm.

I have said this in other blog posts, and I will say it again:  Children do not need sarcasm at ANY age.  Small children do not understand sarcasm (but they will imitate it, and then parents wonder why their children are speaking to them so disrespectfully!)  Teenagers have enough of it on their own without you adding to it!  Children and adults of all ages truly need you to use your words as the pearls they are!

Many adults joke about the amount of sarcasm they use (“Hey, I had to have my soul removed to make room for all this sarcasm!”) and it also appears to be more prevalent in some parts of the United States than others.  Sorry Northeasterners, I am from the Northeast and I find that up there people are sarcastic without even thinking about it.  It just seems to be how everyone speaks.  It can be challenging to change this engrained and entrenched communication patterns.  However, let’s try!

I have a challenge for you today:

Just for today, let’s think about communicating in real ways with our children, our spouses, our family members and our friends.  Let’s eliminate sarcasm and speak to one another they way we should.  Let’s tell each other directly what we need.  We are all unique individuals and  no matter how well we know one another, we cannot expect others to fully understand our own individuality and read our minds!  Ask for what you need from others!  Make a request!  All that can happen is that person may say no!

Just for today, let’s try to listen more than we speak.  Let’s try to let people come to their own conclusions and ideas rather than force-feeding a solution.  Let’s help children who under the age of 9 come up with solutions to problems with other children through modeling, through example and through help rather than just telling them to “work it out”.

Just for today, let’s try to be compassionate and open to the world and not so jaded.  The world is still a beautiful place, even if you have forgotten that it is so.

Just for today, let’s slow down enough so we have time with our children.  Let’s ask for help so we don’t have to take our children to 4 different stores to run errands.  Schedule time to just be present.  Play a game with your children, and enjoy them!

Just for today, let’s evaluate whether or not the amount of things we are doing inside and outside the home is truly feasible for any one human being and let’s brainstorm ways to stop.

Just for today, let’s limit our time with the screens and go be with our family members. 

Just for today, let’s use our words with each other like pearls and remember that we are all tender and precious human beings.

Love to you all,

Carrie

Raising Peaceful Children

Posted on by
19

This is probably the most important thing one can think about in this world – raising a child that will become an adult who is peaceful, who can be peaceful in the midst of whatever circumstances come their way, a child who can be a peacemaker with others.

To me, there are many ways to work toward this in parenting.  For all ages, I believe the most important thing is to be calm oneself and to be able to model being calm.  Children, especially children under the age of the 9-year change   can be seen as having/being prone to “an excess of emotion”.  Therefore, self-control is not the strongest point of a child under the age of 9…and logical reasoning begins around the age of 14….so, it is really up to you, the adult to model how to be calm and how to be a peacemaker while the child takes all these years to develop these skills.

Remember how big and huge and scary you can look to your child in your moments of highest anger.  A giant, to be sure and an image that can be stuck in a child’s mind permanently.   I am not suggesting that as parents we can be perfect and never get angry and always behave calmly.  However, I am suggesting that we do as much as we need to do to keep ourselves as centered as possible. 

For women, I truly think this means not wearing so many hats.  Many women are not only working inside the home, but outside the home as well. They are running businesses, parenting, volunteering, trying to be perfect wives and mothers and neighbors – all whilst they have small children.  Some women handle this beautifully, but many women find it to be a fast-moving train that is difficult to jump off.  Priorities count:  your children will only be little once and that is it.  Wearing so many hats forces things to be hurried, stressed, anxious and can lead to less than calm moments.  Is it worth it?

For women who work within the home, I find so  many of them are trying to do everything perfectly.  Keep in mind that people are more important than keeping things clean, than material things, than having the perfect home.  Many of the mothers I speak with feel so isolated and despite so much information being available through books, radio, TV, the Internet, seem to have a limited grasp on developmental expectations, and positive tools for discipline.  There is a lot of conflicting information out there, and it is confusing!

I offer this as a way to discern this information:  you cannot err on the side of being too gentle (unless you are equating gentle with no limit setting).  You can set limits and still be very gentle indeed.  To me, connection and gentleness are of utmost importance as I travel this path.  Any method or thing that recommends otherwise is not what I hold to be true.

The truth is that the foundation for connection and closeness is laid in the Early Years. You know, the ones we have so backward in the United States.  The years where people ask you how fast you are going to push your child away to “be independent”.  When are they weaning, when are they sleeping by themselves, why do they cling, when are you leaving them to go on vacation for a week alone, when do you need a break from that baby?  All these questions that have things so wrong.  A baby, a toddler, a preschooler, a child in Early Elementary really needs these years for connection, for compassion and empathy and for intimacy within the family.  This leads to a greater ability later on to be independent at the proper time. 

Frustration can be a key cause of feeling and acting not peacefully!  If you can do your best to revise, reframe how you are thinking about something, sometimes that can be the key to heading off frustration and anger before it starts.  Set limits in a peaceful way, and stick to them calmly.  Listen to your child, listen to their point of view, understand their developmental level.

Work on your own anger, your own hostility, your own sarcasm.  Try to model being able to step away, to bite your own tongue, to use less words, to step out of the room and breathe and come back in.   Model finding solutions to problems, framing things positively.    As you model emotional health, so will your children be able to handle things peacefully.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Preparing The Way

Posted on by
10

I don’t frequently post about personal issues on this blog; it really is a place devoted to support and inspiration for other parents walking a gentle and mindful parenting path; for those interested in gentle discipline, and for those interested in Waldorf homeschooling and Waldorf parenting.

However, I have been going through such an interesting transformation recently I thought it be lovely to share.  Perhaps there are others of you out there going through the same thing at this point in your lives.

I really am distinguishing what is important, and what is not and getting rid of contributing my time and energy to the things (and the people!)  that are either not of the utmost importance to me or are such a consistent negative drain on my energy that it just has to be this way.  I am focused on myself to a certain extent – to my own  physical health, to my own inner work.  I am finding that the relationship with my husband and children, as it always has,  far exceeds other things in my life and provides me much contentment and joy.

I still love helping mothers; but I am finding new ways to narrow my focus as to what I think are the best ways to do that.  This blog is important to me, as is my work within the Waldorf community.  Some of the other areas in my life that were so important in the past are sliding away and other new areas are emerging.

I am thinking more and more of how to merge my interests in helping parents, especially mothers on their parenting journey, my own interest in Waldorf home education and my educational and professional experience as a pediatric physical therapist.

It has been an interesting time of discovery!

Of course, in the midst of all this, I am pregnant with our third child and also busy transforming the physical landscape of our home, the schoolroom and other areas around us. It has been a very satisfying summer in many ways.

Many blessings to you and your journey as well!

Carrie