Category Archives: Family Life

Cultivating Gratitude: The Inner Work Of Advent

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There is a lot of buzz these days around the word gratitude.  Gratitude journals, counting things to be thankful for, making lists of things we are grateful for before meals, an Attitude of Gratitude,  have all been popularized.

Gratitude is an important piece of this time of year, and a work for exploring the inner soul of Advent.  As a Christian at this time of year, I have gratitude for  a Creator who  experienced  life as a mere man.  He is always accessible and ever-present within me, as He has walked this path and experienced the heart ache, the challenges, the temptation, the joy and the sadness of being human.  Such openness and intimacy in that relationship.

John F. Kennedy reportedly said this:  “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”

How often do we fail to live up to that highest challenge?  How often do we complain to our girlfriends about what our husbands don’t do?  About the challenging spots our children are in developmentally?  About the never-ending chores of maintaining a home?  The never-ending planning for homeschooling and the actual hours spent in lessons, sometimes with children who seem far from appreciative?

How can we live in gratitude?  If we can model this, then our children will surely imitate what is in our hearts.  Our home will have a different tone as we do this. 

To me the key is this:  if I can radiate a positive attitude within  myself  no matter what the circumstance, then I am expressing gratitude.

A mother within Melisa Nielsen’s “Be A Beacon” program had a wonderful idea regarding stopping negativity. She said one thing to consider would be to wear a bracelet, rubber band, etc on your wrist and if you had a negative thought, just take it off and switch it to the other wrist.  No judging, just move the bracelet. The goal, of course, would be to see how many minutes, hours or days one could keep the bracelet on the original wrist.

Back to JJFK’s statement!  This week, can you show your family how much you appreciate them?  Even better if you can do this with joyous action, not only  words.  Show your spouse how much you love and respect them.   Show your children your respect and love for them.  Enjoy cleaning your home and making it nice for your family!  By taking care of the people, pets and things that we love, we are showing our gratitude that they are in our lives.

Is there someone that helps bring back the spark within you after it has been extinguished?  Your spouse, for certain, but perhaps also a close friend?  Does that person know that?  It is never to late to tell them! 

With your children, can you start to cultivate gratitude in them?  An excellent start is by modeling a positive attitude and taking care of your family and  environment in a joyful manner.  Then, can you reach out to help others in your neighborhood, within your circle of friends or within your community?  This helps to build gratitude and appreciate for what gifts we have and can use to help others.  Every day, bit by bit, year by year, we build our children’s hearts.  Let us be thankful for the opportunity!

Many blessings,

Carrie

PS – Please see Melisa Nielsen’s excellent comment below!  It is not too late to join her program if you are interested!!

The First Week Of Advent

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The day before the first Sunday in Advent, I set up two Nativity scenes: one on the Nature Table in our schoolroom, and one “adult” nativity scene in a different room. I am very lucky in that my husband’s grandmother made our Nativity scenes in her ceramic shop a long time ago.  She died right before our first child was born, and it gives me such pleasure to look at her beautiful handwork.

The Nativity Scene in the schoolroom is on a light blue silk and so far consists of Mary and Joseph on the right flanked by some very large conch shells  with a path of seashells laid out before them leading to the manger.    This Nativity Scene is actually a child’s Nativity with all chubby-faced children and fits in well with our schoolroom.  The shells are keeping in line with our first week of Advent that celebrates the mineral kingdom preparing to receive their Creator and King.

“The first light of Advent is the light of stone-

Stones that live in crystals, seashells and bone.” – attributed to Steiner

Over the week we hope to add some crystals to our Nature Table Nativity Scene.

The adult Nativity Scene is set up on a dark blue felt and is set up with everything with the exception of the infant Jesus.  Our Advent wreath is also in this area as well.  Little by little we will be decorating for Christmas.

Our plans for this week include daily readings from the Bible, making two kinds of cookies, starting a green and red construction paper chain with Bible verses on it to mark each day until Christmas,  and several Advent  crafts revolving around Saint Nicholas.  We are reading Jakob Streit’s “Saint Nicholas” each night in preparation for Saint Nicholas Day and also reading a story from “A Light In The Lantern” each night as well.

Our biggest plan for the week entails surprising our neighbors with Christmas cookies on Saint Nicholas Eve.  We are looking forward to that!

I hope you have a wonderful week as well,

Carrie

Saint Nicholas Day in The Waldorf Home

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Yes, Saint Nicholas is often celebrated in Waldorf Schools and within the Waldorf Home.  And before one worries about Saints being associated with the Waldorf curriculum, I urge you to remember that Saint Nicholas Day is widely celebrated all over Europe.

In the book “An Overview of the Waldorf Kindergarten” as edited by Joan Almon, this is written about the role of Saint Nicholas during Advent:  “(Saint Nicholas) is an archetypal figure of heavenly wisdom and is the forerunner of Santa Claus, whose very name is reminiscent of St. Nicholas. Santa Claus, however, is a more earth-bound, incarnated figure who dwells with elves in the North Pole.  Though he, too, if full of love for the children, his gifts are more of a material nature, even though he comes on Christmas Eve, a time of profound spiritual giving.  One can understand how he arose in our more materialistic, secular age, and one can hold him a positive way for the sake of the children who love him so, but one can also create a place in the Advent season to bring the original, more heavenly St. Nicholas to the children.”

I guess because I have German/Polish/Norwegian/French roots and my husband has Danish/German roots, we love Saint Nicholas Day.  Our oldest daughter goes to German School on Saturday mornings and I love to see it celebrated in the community there as well.  They leave their shoes out and whilst lessons are going on, Saint Nicholas is busy filling the shoes up with goodies. 🙂

Saint Nicholas Day is on December 6th, although I do believe my Dutch friends celebrate it on December 5th.  In Holland, Saint Nicholas comes with “Black Peter” and distributes gifts – some families use a “Sinterklass sack” (did I slaughter that, my Dutch friends??!!)  Sometimes he comes with a Golden Book of names to read the names of the good little children!

Saint Nicholas was born either Syria or Turkey in 3 A.D. and eventually became the Bishop of Myra in Asia Minor.  There are many stories about Saint Nicholas out there for telling – some involve the provision of a dowry for three daughters, some involve Saint Nicholas bringing food to the starving, some involve calming the seas.  He is the Patron Saint of prisoners (Saint Nicholas was persecuted for his faith and spent time in prison), children, sailors and is the Patron Saint of Russia.

Children typically leave out a clean shoe (we leave out wooden clogs from Germany and Holland on our hearth) along with hay and carrots for the horse of Saint Nicholas.  I believe some families also make honey cakes and leave those out as well.  Usually in return the children receive nuts, candy, chocolates and sometimes gifts as well.  Saint Nicholas Eve is the major gift-giving occasion in Holland.

This is a holiday that leads us deeper into Advent, and is one of great joy.  If you are seeking more information regarding Saint Nicholas, I suggest you try the Saint Nicholas Center here:http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=23

Here are some Saint Nicholas crafts:  http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=122   Every year we crack walnuts, hot glue the walnut shell closed and then hot glue that onto a piece of red felt that has been made into a cone shape.  On top of that we place the famous Bishop’s mitre and hang it on our tree.  Lovely!

Here is a Saint Nicholas story from Main Lesson Dot Com:

http://www.mainlesson.com/display.php?author=olcott&book=holidays&story=purses

Blessings,

Carrie

Advent EBook

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The Advent EBook from Seasons of Joy is here!  Please follow this link to Annette’s site to order:  http://naturalfamily.50megs.com/custom2_1.html

I have not seen it yet, but I am sure it will be a gift for the holidays!

The EBook  is centered around the famous verse of Steiner’s that we all know and love:

“The first light of Advent is the light of stone–.
Stones that live in crystals, seashells, and bones.
The second light of Advent is the light of plants–
Plants that reach up to the sun and in the breezes dance.
The third light of Advent is the light of beasts–
All await the birth, from the greatest and in least.
The fourth light of Advent is the light of humankind–
The light of hope that we may learn to love and understand.”

Many blessings,

Carrie

Part Two of Advent In The Waldorf Home

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In Part One of Advent In The Waldorf Home ( https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/11/23/advent-in-the-waldorf-home-part-one/)     we talked about the view of Christmastide as a holy mood.  “All Year Round” reiterates this in saying, “In the depths of winter, when the lower kingdoms of nature have withdrawn, it is possible for us to awaken to a rich experience of the world, to raise our hearts to the glory of God on high, and to celebrate that spiritual revelation which is, at the same time, a goal for all humankind – the birth of the Son of Man….With the coming of Christianity, a new force enters the world – the power of resurrection.  The Christian Festivals which stand at the four cardinal points of the year – Easter, St. John’s, Michaelmas, Christmas – each bring their own spirit of resurrection, of new life, and they bring it always a few days after the ancient nature festivals……At Christmastime we celebrate the new life of the earth’s own sun – the Light of the World- that which, through the good will of men and women, forever shines in the darkness, and will not be overcome.”

The Nature Table at this time can take on hues of snow white, pale mauves and blues, crystals of calcite, quartz and amethyst, glass vases, glass candleholders.  Paper stars and snowflakes are lovely, and a tabletop Advent Garden can be added with a way to count down the days until Christmas.  The Advent Wreath is also lovely and it can be hung from the ceiling or  placed on a table.  Christmas trees are also customary, as are Advent calendar (I prefer the chocolate-less kind for the children!)

Advent begins the new Christian calendar each year.  It begins on the Sunday closest to November 30th and ends on December 24th (Christmas Eve, also known as Adam and Eve Day).    “All Year Round” says “We move from a season of remembrance for the dead, into a time of preparation for that which is to be born.”  So Advent becomes about getting ready – crafting, baking, making things with our hands, firelight and candlelight.

One way Waldorf school typically mark this time of preparation for the new, this time of inner contemplation in the darkness, is through the Advent Spiral or Advent Garden.  Our Waldorf homeschool group does this every year, and here is a post regarding last year’s Advent Spiral: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/07/advent-and-other-winter-celebrations-within-the-waldorf-home/ 

Typically the floor of a large room is cleared out, and an evergreen spiral is made with a small tree stump in the middle with a large central candle on top.  Beautiful representations of the different kingdoms are set in the spiral and soft flutes or lyres are played for music.  The room is lit by candlelight.    During the music, each  child walks the spiral with an unlit candle tucked inside an apple and then takes a light from the central candle for their own previously  unlit one.  They then walk out of the spiral, placing their candle and apple on a gold star laid out on the spiral.  At the end of this ceremony, the spiral is aglow with lights and is truly lovely.  Then all quietly leave the room. 

Here are some links regarding the celebration of Advent within a Waldorf context:

http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/adventmemories.pdf

http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/GW0549.pdf

http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/GW3212.pdf

Many blessings as you prepare for Advent,

Carrie

Advent In The Waldorf Home: Part One

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Advent can be a more challenging festival for some people, depending upon one’s spiritual and religious orientation.  The book, “An Overview Of The Waldorf Kindergarten” edited by Joan Almon has this to say:

“December brings special challenges to the Waldorf Kindergarten teacher, for Christmas is a vivid part of our culture and a festival that brings deep joy to children.  However, there is a tendency to be so overt in one’s celebration of Christmas that the kindergarten comes to feel more like a Christian Sunday School than like a Waldorf kindergarten.  This brings great pain to our non-Christian families, but it is problematic even for the children of Christian background.  Within the Waldorf kindergarten the festivals are not meant to be “taught” but are offered in a light manner, much like telling a fairy tale, which allows the children great freedom to come to the festival as they will.  When offered in a spirit of gratitude and with a sense of wonder and awe, something of the essence of the festival can speak to children.”

Steiner spoke of “Christmastide” in his lecture “The Christmas Festival In The Changing Course Of Time”:

“Seeking souls have every reason to ask themselves:  “What can this “Christ festival” mean to us?”  And in their hearts they can admit:  Precisely through Spiritual Science something will be given to humanity, which will bring again, in the fullest sense of the word, that depth and greatness which cannot be any more today.  If we don’t succumb to illusion and phantasy we must admit that these can no longer exist at present.  What has become often a mere festival of gifts cannot be said to have the same meaning as what the Christmas festival meant to people for many centuries in the past.  Through the celebration of this festival the souls used to blossom forth with hope-filled joy, with hope-borne certainty, and with the awareness of belonging to a Spiritual Being, Who descended from Spiritual heights, and united Himself with the earth, so that every human soul of good may share in His powers. Indeed, for many centuries the celebration of this festival awakened in the souls of men the consciousness that the individual human soul can feel firmly supported by the spiritual power just described, and that all men of good will can find themselves gathered together in the service of this spiritual power.  Thereby they can also find together the right ways of life on earth, so that they can mean humanly as much as possible to one another, so that they can love each other as human beings on earth as much as possible.”

Steiner goes on to say in this lecture that Advent provoked a specific mood within the people”:

“The essential thing is that a mood prevailed during the Christmas season, the days and week surrounding the Christmas festival, to which the heart was given over, a mood in which the whole village would participate, and which enable people to take in with simple immediacy all the representations that were brought before their souls.”

Later in the same lecture he says:

“Now I ask you, please notice what this means:  to call upon Nature in such a way that one greets everyone whom one wishes to greet with a certain mood in one’s heart, a mood which arises from:  “the roots, large and small, which are in the earth, many and all.”

So my thought is thus: even if you do not celebrate Advent, can you work to bring some of this reverent mood to your home during this Season?  Can you be connected to the holy, the great, the spiritual?

Many mothers ask me about inner work.  I would like to offer you a series on Inner Work for Advent.  Stay tuned!

Many blessings,

Carrie

My Notebook

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I started out a long time ago with a “Control Journal” as suggested from Flylady (www.flylady.net).  This is essentially suggested to be a binder with your household routines and such in it.    I still have it, and mine is mainly  now divided into sections for phone numbers,  directories for the neighborhood, some deep cleaning routines/checkliststs and dinner menu plans I printed out from my membership at www.cookingTF.com

Then I read this book during the last trimester of my third pregnancy  (“Becoming The Woman God Wants Me To Be” by Donna Patrow):http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Woman-God-Wants-Me/dp/0800730720/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258915978&sr=8-1.  I cannot say I loved all of the advice in the book.  As a physical therapist and someone who took many, many college-level nutrition courses, I was particularly and seriously concerned about the exercise and nutrition advice offered in this book.  But, this book did instill a further inspiration for that “inner work” we are always talking about with parenting and Waldorf homeschooling.  All of us need a “nudge” to keep on track!  I pulled out two other books that were inspiring to me in the past, “The Power of A Praying Wife” by Stormie OMartian ( http://www.amazon.com/Power-Praying%C2%AE-Wife-Deluxe/dp/0736919899/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258916244&sr=1-3)  and this one, The Power of A Positive Mom” by Karol Ladd ( http://www.amazon.com/Power-Positive-Mom-Revised/dp/1416551212/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1258916301&sr=1-5) .  These two books provide me much inspiration when I need it. I combined some of the things from those books along with the idea of making a binder as mentioned in “Becoming the Woman God Wants Me To Be” and made a sort of household notebook with sections that also fulfill my penchant for being a prayer warrior and my inner work.

So, when you open up my binder, the first thing you see is my Personal Vision Statement and our Family Mission Statement.  The entire first section is “Power Tools” of inspiring quotes, Affirmations, a page of Scripture Memory Verses, prayer lists for people outside our immediate family and prayer lists for the immediate family.

The other sections are:

Personal:    Our weekly rhythm, Cleaning Routines/Checklists, Evening Routines, to-do list

My Husband (I have personalized daily prayers there for my husband based upon some of the areas mentioned in “The Power of A Praying Wife”)

My Children (separate prayer lists for each of the three children)

Household (seasonal deep cleaning checklists, menu for the week, recipes for the week)

Projects (typically this includes lectures of Steiner’s I have printed out and am in the midst of reading)

A Section for Melisa Nielsen’s “Be A Beacon” Program

I use this binder two to three times a day or more as I pray for people and take some moments in the midst of our busy day to connect to my Creator.

Inner work is so important; if you make this a priority you will reap many benefits in your parenting, your homeschooling and your life!

Blessings,

Carrie

How Not To Be The Angry Parent

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To read  this in Spanish, please see here:  http://fabiolaperezsitko.blogspot.com/2010/01/eres-un-padre-enojon.html

Are you ever an angry parent?

Conflict is a part of life, and anger is not a BAD emotion – it is just a feeling like other feelings.  However, many parents choose to discipline their children when they are angry or hurt.  Some parents choose to hit their children when they are angry.  Hitting a child is wrong, (if you need an argument for this please see this post:   https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/20/getting-past-fear/ )  and when we lose control and responsibility for our actions when we are angry we lose that teachable moment.  A  split-second action in anger can also cause a parent to have remorse and guilt.  It can necessitate an apology!

Instead of losing control, I would like to talk to you today about how not to be the angry parent.  I personally believe the number one reason parents get angry with their children is that their children “are not listening.”  Many times this happens in conjunction with having to complete something on a tight time table.  Sometimes it just seems as if the child is endlessly negative, or the temperament of the child in conjunction with the parent leads to a fragile relationship between the child and the adult.

However, aren’t children supposed to be immature?  Children are noisy, messy, and yes, often immature.  Otherwise they would be born as adults and age backward, right?

I believe anger issues actually are OUR problem, the parent’s problem.  Usually we are trying to do something in a tight time frame, we are carrying in baggage from our own childhood (“I NEVER would have talked to MY parents that way!), we are tired and stressed out over things that may or may not even have to do with that child, we are carrying unrealistic expectations of that child’s behavior, or just in general our needs are not being met.

In the heat of the moment, what one needs is the ability to calm down.  This may entail taking a “parent time-out”.  Many parents complain about this because they are ready to explode, they are trying to get away to calm down for a minute, only to have  a screaming child follow them!  Ah, that  youthful immaturity again – an adult probably would give you the space to calm down whereas a child may not!

What do you do then?

My personal vote is to go outside.  I pull a lot of weeds in yard when I am angry, and that helps me calm down before I do something stupid.  My children can be out there, but will often give me a bit of space in an open area (as opposed to going into the bathroom with everyone yelling and screaming on the other side of the door!). 

The question becomes:  What do we want our CHILDREN to do when they are angry and how can we model that for them?  If we walk around yelling and slamming doors, how can we be surprised when our six-year old does that?

After you are calm, hopefully you can return to the situation and work to solve the problem. Help the child, guide the child.  Breathe in and breathe out.

Patience is developed over time.  I am certain I am more patient with this third child than I was with my first child.  Learning to relax into parenting and how to let go of the mentality that every single thing must be addressed so the child will not become a Detriment To Society is also learned.  Set a timer and see if you can keep your patience for half an hour if that is where you are, and work up from there. You can do this!  Fill your own tank so you have something to give.  Get your children into a rhythm with an early bedtime so you have time for you and time for you and your spouse. 

Most of all, be thankful.  Go look at your children while they are sleeping, those small faces, realize how very little ages three, four and five really are.  And in this time of dwindling light and moving into darkness, work to cultivate yourself as a light for your family.

Blessings,

Carrie

Please Pray For Our Troops

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Today is Veteran’s Day – Happy Veteran’s Day to my husband who devoted ten years in duty to the United States Army.  Please pray for our troops.  This is part of an Associated Press article published today:

“WASHINGTON – Far from winding down, the numbers of wounded U.S. soldiers coming home have continued to swell. The problem is especially acute among those who fought in Afghanistan, where nearly four times as many troops were injured in October as a year ago.

Amputations, burns, brain injuries and shrapnel wounds proliferate in Afghanistan, due mostly to crude, increasingly potent improvised bombs targeting U.S. forces. Others are hit by snipers’ bullets or mortar rounds.

With Veterans Day on Wednesday, wounded veterans from the recent conflicts consider the toll of these injuries, and the rough road ahead for the injured. Of particular concern are the so-called hidden wounds, traumatic brain injuries and post-traumatic stress disorder that can have side effects such as irritability and depression.”

Please say a prayer for the men and women who feel called to military life.

In gratitude,

Carrie

A Mouthodometer

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(Many thanks to my dear friend Melissa for thinking up the concept of a mouthodometer!  Love to you!)

Okay, a mouthodemeter does not really exist, but wouldn’t it be great to have a little pedometer-type gadget that (instead of the number of steps one takes in a day) tracks  the number of words one uses?  Maybe it could have a shrill alarm when we exceed the word limit per day!    Beyond that, have you ever noticed that many us just open the floodgates of words when we are upset?  Verbosity at the highest level!

Those of you new to this blog are probably wondering what I am talking about, and what  this has to do with mindful parenting.   Perhaps these back posts will help:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/14/stop-talking/

and https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/31/the-need-to-know/

and this one:https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/19/using-our-words-like-pearls/

What our children need are LESS words.  Logical thought starts to come in around age 14, so why do we waste so many words trying to reason with our children?  Why do we  talk to your three and four year old as if they have the same adult consciousness as we do?  Why are we talking to our children as if they are another adult friend?

I guess this is where I differ from what I perceive to be the foundation of gentle discipline in the AP movement.  If you perceive your child to be “good”, just less experienced, it makes sense to treat your child almost as an equal with an almost  equal say in things and being able to “talk” your child into good decision-making.  They are learning, but we can converse with them at perhaps a simpler level than a teenager- but we can still converse, right?

I don’t fully buy into this assumption, and one thing that bothered me after I read all the AP gentle discipline books was that almost the same techniques were used for a five-year-old versus a sixteen-year-old.

I have more of an affinity for the anthroposophic view of the under-7 child.  This views the child as a neutral party; a spiritual being on a spiritual path who is learning about right and wrong.  The child is seen as having an entirely different consciousness than an adult.  The small child lives in their will, in their impulses, and therefore they need guidance through movement and imagination.  Because I see the child as learning, I don’t especially expect a child to choose a behavior and develop self-control based upon “good or bad.”   That comes in later!   I recognize that most small children just do things on impulse without thinking. I do have expectations of a child’s behavior, but I try to have realistic expectations.

Most of all, I try to think things out ahead of time, control the parts of the equation that are in my hands, and then be ready to PHYSICALLY help my child.  Less words, more action.  Less talking, more doing.  Following through 500 times until it sticks.

It would be much easier to parent from the couch and to yell at everyone, right?  I have moments where I too, grow weary.    That is when I garner support from my spouse, my family, my closest and dearest friends.  That is when I change the scenery and we all head outside. That is when I stop to breathe.  And I am getting better at asking for help as I get older. 

Stop talking.  Your children don’t need an adult lecture or sarcasm.  They need humor, follow-through, consistency and the chance to make it right.

Try it today,

Carrie