Category Archives: Homemaking

The Habit of Happiness

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To me, happiness is a habit.  Happiness is not something that comes from external sources – ie, the whole “this made me happy today” and “this made me sad” and “this made me angry”.  Yes, things happen and we sometimes feel happy, sad or angry as a first reaction – but with time and practice, we can learn to modify our inner landscape and choose how to react, help rid ourselves of stress, worry and anxiety and put in its place a sense of peace instead.  Peace, to me, is the Real Deal of Happiness.  Peace is that inner quality that occurs no matter what the circumstances of life surround you.

The way to this path is to choose to be happy and peaceful as your journey, as a conscious step every day, and not just viewing happiness as this elusive goal.  Here are some thoughts for how to do this:

1.  Practice basic meditation – Steiner has some great exercises for anthroposophical inner work and if you go here you will find the inner work of the day posted:  http://www.rsarchive.org/

2.  Do your best to not model worry, anxiety and guilt for your family members.  I would venture to say that many of us have worried, anxious and guilty thought patterns because this is what was modeled to us as children.  It is an easy thing to pass on to the next generation.

3.  Limit your hurrying:  being hurried and overscheduled can lead quickly to feeling overwhelmed, guilt-ridden and anxiety-ridden.  As homeschoolers, many of us could be so booked with activities we could be out of the house every day, morning, afternoon, and night.  Pick and choose and realize  that homeschooling can be about, and should be about, being in your home.

4.  Religious practices can provide peace – easy to knock it until you try it and create a practice.  Many people are very cynical regarding organized religion, but I urge you to investigate this if this is a stumbling block for you.  Find the religious path that works for you and work at it.  Certain faiths, such as the Catholic faith and the Episcopal faith, have a “Daily Office” where prayers are said at certain times of the day – this can be a very grounding experience to help you focus your attention off of yourself and onto something higher.  To my Orthodox readers, does this also exist in the Orthodox Church as well?

5. Exercise.  Walk, bike, swim, take the time to go to the gym if you have the financial luxury to be able to afford a gym, walk on some nature trails, do some yoga.  Make this a priority for yourself and for your children.  This is very important for dealing with depression and anxiety, and to help feel more  peaceful. 

6.  Re-frame how you look at  things, and how you say things.  Watch your words like the pearls you are, because the words you say are the reality for your children.

7.  Forge as close and intimate a relationship as you can with your spouse or partner.  Your children are NOT a substitute for the intimacy you should be experiencing with your adult partner, and your children will be better for it to see this wonderful, healthy relationship between two adults who can laugh and have fun together.  Having this relationship as a bedrock in your life will provide you with peace!

I think creating a habit of happiness for your inner work is this coming school year is very important.  I hear so many mothers who tell me up and down how fortunate they are to be able to be home during this economy, how they like being a stay-at-home mother but yet all they do is complain about their husbands, their homes, their weight and body image, their children’s behavior and themselves. 

Stop complaining; choose peace and happiness instead.  Start with yourself in small steps and model this for your spouse and your children; you may be surprised with the wonderful results!

Many blessings,

Carrie

The Simplicity of Parenting

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Sometimes I wonder why we make parenting so hard on ourselves.  Seriously!    Do the indigenous tribes of the world  sit around and read a million books on breastfeeding, and then co-sleeping and then how to parent and how to be gentle and educational methods and how to raise productive citizens?  No, of course not. They have each other, they have traditional ways of doing things, they have elders who help, they have huge close communities.

Our problem is that we have lost our way in our society and we are  re-creating the parenting wheel ourselves, bit by bit, in our own homes.   The wonderful book “The Spiritual Tasks of the Homemaker” by Manfred Schmidt-Brabant is precisely about this subject.   We have lost so much of the intrinsic, the from the heart parenting, that sometimes we wonder if we will ever see it again.  And in the meantime, our children look to us to lead and to guide and to love and to cherish them.

Here are some rules of simplicity in parenting that really struck me tonight:

Love your child. Hold your child, tell them you love them, breastfeed them, sleep with them, be close to them.  Look at the world from their eyes, but do not assume they feel about things as you do or understand the things you understand – they are not a miniature extension of you, they have not had your experience, they have a different consciousness!  Respect them, and also respect them enough to know when they need you and your gentle help to guide them.

Enjoy life and be confident in your life!  Enjoy your children. Don’t you think they know when in your heart you feel irritable, trapped, resentful, wondering where your life is?  If you cannot enjoy this life that you were given, please, please, help yourself out.  Discuss your feelings with your spouse and with your extended family, find a friend to talk to, find a mother’s helper for  a few hours each day, talk to a counselor, go see a doctor to rule out any physical causes of depression, create a community for yourself.   Your children deserve a whole human being, a whole beautiful and wonderful and wise woman to take care of them!

Re-frame your own attitude. Parenting should not be the end of your life; parenting is just the beginning!  Find things for you that you need to do to be that whole person, work with your spouse or a friend to make it happen, but also realize this is BIGGER than just you; this is not all about you; it is about these wonderful spiritual beings that decided to come and be with you and be a part of your family!  Family is a bigger and more beautiful thing than you alone!

Know that you set the tone in your home.  Men do things differently than women, they parent differently; so why nag?  Where and what does nagging get you?  Model and set the tone.  Healthy eating, healthy sleeping, healthy communication, rest, peacefulness, fun together, joy, being outside:  the keys to a healthy life no matter what your age!

Find the positive.  Find the positive intent.  Instead of assuming the worst of your children, your spouse, the friends you thought you had, assume something positive.  Assume the people who love you want to help you, that they do support you and understand you. Cut those people some slack; we are not perfect beings in this perfect world!    Maintain some of a feeling of joy and innocence regarding your world, it is possible!  Look at the possible  needs behind your child’s behavior and don’t discuss it with them, for heaven’s sake, but use it to help  guide your child!  Uplift your child, move and dance with them and love them  to where they are supposed to be in life and who they are unfolding to be!

Love your children, love yourself and love each other.  Simplicity in parenting!

Blessings to you all,

Carrie

Mindful Parenting

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As St. John’s Day calls us to be more inward and focused in the midst of outer expansion, perhaps a meditative focus for all of us as mothers could be contemplation of the phrase “mindful parenting”. 

What does mindful parenting mean to you personally?  To me, it means that I am in control of myself and my actions in front of my children, that I consider their feelings along with their needs, that I show my children empathy for their feelings, that I bring joy and laughter and warmth to my parenting.  To be a mindful parent, I must consider the “bigger picture” of parenting – where my children are developmentally, where they have been, where they are going, what their temperaments are and who they are as beautiful individuals and how we all work together in one family.  I must also consider my own “cup” – is it full, how do I get it full within the context of parenting?  I can be a beacon of light and love for my children when I am centered and calm and peaceful.

I feel blessed to be a parent, and I truly enjoy my children.  I think people have different ages of parenting they like and enjoy – my mother-in-law always says how wonderful she finds ages three and four, while other people I know really rather dislike these stages.  Some mothers have commented to me that teenagers are so difficult, and I have other friends who say they just love the teenaged energy in their home and want all of their teenager’s friends to come and hang out within their family!

Even if you are in a parenting stage that perhaps you are not particularly enjoying, perhaps here is a Waldorf parenting view you can take and use:  the notion that there really are no difficult children, but there are difficult behaviors that children show us.  When we break things down into a behavior and NOT the child, it opens a gateway so we can look at that behavior. Why is this behavior triggering me as a parent so?  What do I need in this moment to be more fulfilled and peaceful that is separate from what my child is doing? Is this an issue of safety?  Or is it an issue that just bothers me but I could gently direct it?  Do I have to direct it at all?  What is the need of the child under the behavior?  Is there more than one way to meet that need and am I comfortable meeting that need for my child and in what way?  Can my child meet their own need?  Can we work together so that in our family all of us can be happy and peaceful?

How can I use my words like pearls….instead of spouting off the book of lectures, can I use a few positively-worded phrases?  Can I be warm and loving and caring even if I have to set a limit?  Is the limit necessary at all?  I actually don’t use many limits in my family, our rhythm carries much of it, modeling carries much of it, love carries much of it.  We are respectful to each other.

These are the kinds of inward questions that shape my days of parenting, and the kinds of inward contemplation I do in my own parenting as we draw closer to St. John’s Day(Midsummer’s Day).

Thanks for reading,

Carrie

Fathers and Daughters: Part Two

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In our last post we looked at the role of daughters who are ages birth through 7.  Today let’s look at further ages!

Age 8-14

  • Dads are VERY important during this time to many girls, so hopefully the foundation for a close father-daughter relationship was laid during the first seven years.
  • Daughters really want to be with their fathers and have his undivided attention.  They can be very interested in Dad’s work and what hobbies he enjoys.
  • They also want to be able to be authentic around their fathers, and to not have to be always happy or never  be angry around their fathers.  Emotional availability is important to girls.
  • Daughters need the genuine praise and love of  their fathers.
  • They need dad to help them follow through on family rules (and the rules need to be reasonable and clear).
  • They want to be included in their father’s world and do things with their father.
  • The practical management of money is one area where  many fathers take over the teaching with good results.  Another area may be sports, whether this may be team sports or individual sports.  I know families where dad coaches the team sport, and I know families where the whole family takes karate together.  It is not that mothers cannot teach their children in these areas, but these are areas where I have seen other families have success with spending time and guiding their daughters, and areas mentioned that dads may have success in the book, “Raising A Daughter.”
  • Dads really can impact how girls transition into adolescence.  A great time for Daddy-Daughter dates if that has not already been happening!
  • Dads usually are also great people to start teaching a 10 or 12 year old and up how to set goals and plan strategy!  Again, not that mothers cannot, but this may be an area where dads really excel!

Ages 14-21

  • In the book “Raising A Daughter”, by Jeanne Elium and Don Elium, they write, “The worst mistake for a father to make at this time in his daughter’s life is to withdraw himself from her, because he does not know how to deal with his own response to her developing sexuality.  Daughters need reassurance from the first man in their lives that these changes they are undergoing are okay, that their father still loves them.”
  • Emotional availability is very important to girls of this age.
  • Fathers can be a big support during this age for setting clear limits.
  • Fathers help teach girls of this age what to expect from a boyfriend or a future husband.
  • Dads need to understand that this an age when the intellect is growing, that the teenager notices the “unfairness” of things and is critically questioning and searching for answers to her questions.
  • Girls may separate less from their parents and families than boys and attempt to make their relationships more authentic, deeper.  They long for connection.  There is more about this important difference between boys and girl adolescents on page 342 of “Raising A Daughter.”
  • A best friend is very important during this time!  I am sure many of us remember this from our own adolescence, and I still see it in the teenaged girls around me.  I recommend from a homeschooling perspective that you work hard to find activities and friends for your daughter during the age range of 8-12 because  it can be difficult for homeschooled teenagers to connect to others during the high school years – some homeschooled children go on to not homeschool during these years, the activities are fewer and involve a broader age range usually (ie, adults may be included in community classes, etc.).  It can be more challenging, so something to think about and plot a course, because it will become important thing for your daughter as she matures and grows.
  • Help your teenager find balance between intellect and physical.
  • Enforce the family – as homeschoolers we typically do not have a problem with this, but other families may so it is worth mentioning. It is okay to take a family vacation and not bring along your child’s friends.
  • Hook your daughter up with mentors in career fields she is interested in, or even with other adult women that you trust and know for things such as gardening, baking, etc.
  • Encourage all work toward an achievement.  That is important to recognize the process, not just the result!
  • This is a time to talk and negotiate (and if you are doing this in the younger years, you are putting the cart before the horse! Please stop!)  Discuss in private away from friends, younger siblings.  This is important to an adolescent!
  • Dad really needs to be open emotionally to his daughter and involved in his daughter’s life.  He also needs a fulfilling relationship with his spouse or partner to really model this for his daughter. Work on your relationship together!
  • Help your teenaged get involved in volunteering, whether that it through a place of religious worship, in your neighborhood, or through a service organization.
  • Watch your daughter carefully for the plagues of the modern teenaged years – eating disorders, sexual abuse by a boyfriend or others, suicide, cutting and get help from professionals as your daughter needs it.

Hope this list was helpful, not only to dads, but to all of you.  I highly recommend Jeanne Elium and Don Elium’s, “Raising A Daughter.”  This book is highly compatible with both attachment parenting and Waldorf perspectives, and will truly make you think.  It is well-worth the money, and you can also try your local library and see if it is there.

Peace,

Carrie

Fathers and Daughters: Part One

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Fathers have a profound affect on their daughters.  Fathering impacts what kind of relationships our daughters have as they grow, and helps daughters deal with and balance the masculine and feminine elements in life.  Fathering is so important!

How can we nurture the relationship between fathers and daughters?  Here are a few thoughts for the first seven year cycle.

Birth to Age 7

  • Let dads do something!  So many mothers I see don’t really get dads involved, or if the dad tries to do something, the mother says the dad is “doing it wrong”.  If mom stays at home some families seem to see child-rearing as the sole job of the mother.  Yet, if dads are involved from the beginning of the child’s life  it becomes much easier to maintain an open and  loving relationship through the changes that menstruation and the teenaged years bring.   Many dads at this stage feel estranged and distanced by their daughter’s budding sexuality, so helping Dad build a close relationship in these early years can be a big help in the later years where daughters need to be emotionally open and treated well by the “first man” in their life.
  • Recognize that  Dad is NOT going to do it the way you do it, and that is OKAY.  They – the father and the daughter – will find their own way TOGETHER.  Their relationship is not your relationship with your daughter and nor should it be.  You married this man because you loved him, allow him to also be a parent!  Trust him!
  • If you are breastfeeding, there are still lots  of things dad can do to be involved with the baby.  This includes walking the baby around , singing to the baby, holding the baby, changing diapers, giving baths, feeding solid foods when that time comes and taking care of you so you can nurse the baby you created together.
  • Work on your own relationship with dad!  Girls within the ages of 0-7 are absorbing impressions about how relationships within the family work and about marriage as well.
  • Let Dad participate in doing fun things with his child, as I mentioned above – don’t expect dad to step into the highly charged emotional situations without having built love and trust first in spending some fun together.
  • However, don’t let dad do just all the fun things….. let dad handle the child crying and dealing with the child when the child is upset.  The child will learn that dad is as adept and marvelous as you are with handling things, and that dad really can handle things without mom there!  And yes, moms, you may have to leave sometimes or have father-daughter leave the house in order to foster and nurture their relationship without you in the way.  Many mothers say their three or four year old dislike being with dad and run to them to fix everything if the mother is anywhere in the vicinity – I hate to sound awful, and this may come around as the child gets older, but the best time for a dad and daughter to build a relationship is earlier, not later.  It is NOT attachment mothering it is attachment PARENTING.  It took two of you to make this baby, trust that dad can do this!  If dad has not built up a bank of love and care with his child before the age of 3 or 4 or 5, it can still happen but it will take consistent work and dedication.
  • Sit down together and talk with dad about his ideas regarding  such things as gentle discipline, the role of outside time, what kind of toys does he think a girl should have, television and other media, family health, family holidays and how you will celebrate them, how dad envisions the rhythm of the family, family chores, and the big issues of things such as spirituality and how spirituality and religion play into your lives everyday.  Figure out these things together!  Have a family mission statement. 
  • Dads need to give their babies and their  little girls their time, and their attention.  Little girls like to know dad is not only with them physically, but paying attention.  As your daughter grows, consider “daddy-daughter” dates or “daddy-daughter” breakfasts weekly so their relationship can continue to be nurtured and grow.
  • Dad can be a wonderful person to have humor when mother-daughter tensions run high; dad can be a wonderful person to be part of the united front of loving guidance and teaching boundaries within the home to a daughter in a loving way. 
  • The book “Raising A Daughter” by Jeanne Elium and Don Elium has this to say on page 267:  “Adjustment studies of children raised with three different parenting styles – the authoritative (NOTE here by Carrie:  NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH authoritarian, rigid and strict style of parenting), the democratic and the laissez-faire- showed surprising outcomes.  Authoritative parents make the rules, offer few choices, and expect their children to follow family principles.  Democratic families operate from a place of fairness, consider how other members feel, offer lots of choices, and place high value on cooperation.  Children whose parents are laissez-faire, are allowed to believe whatever they wish and to behave according to their own whims.  This long-term study found that children raised in laissez-faire fashion grew up to have difficulty cooperating and getting along with others.  Those from democratic families found it hard to make decisions as adults.  Those raised by authoritarian parents were the most well-adjusted adults, able to make decisions, follow rules, and cooperate with others.”  So if dad tends toward harsh and punitive, or just rather jelly-fish-ish, perhaps these are areas you can explore together!
  • For the first seven years, the Eliums recommend a style of parenting with few choices, limited media, using gentle physical help to guide a child as opposed to lots of words, and to look at our daughters from a place of kindness and understanding.  Sound like Waldorf to me, and like so many of the posts I have written on here to STOP TALKING and START DOING.  Help dad to know how to use your environment, your rhythm, stable patterns of sleep and eating and being firmly entrenched in the home.  Stop over-explaining to your three, four, five and even six and seven year old.  Let Dad in on this secret!  Let him help you, model it for him, talk about it when it comes up, get on the same page!  But don’t nag, because nagging truly doesn’t work.  Parenting is a process, and many mothers want to parent as if they are alone – there are two of you, and both of you have to be comfortable.  Talk with each other!
  • Know your developmental stages, and especially understand the developmental stages  regarding sexuality,  because for many parents most  of the fears for their little girls revolve around sexual issues.   Talk with dad and decide together how you will handle such common things as “playing doctor”, masturbation by your daughter during the early years as this is common, and how you will handle the possibility of scarier sexual subjects such as molestation and sexual abuse.  Talk about how you will work to protect your daughter’s safety.
  • Talk together about protecting your child’s infancy!   Discuss and provide fun activities for the whole family to do together that meets your needs and family values….But again, give dad the space and time to come up with his own things to do with his child during “their time”.  They will work it out, and your daughter will so benefit from fathering and seeing their parents work as partners and as two separate people who love them very much.

 

Just food for thought,

Carrie

Another Three-Day Challenge: Rediscovering the Joy in Parenting

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I have written a three day challenge in the past that was very, very popular.  You can view that one here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/01/take-my-three-day-challenge/

This week, I am choosing a different focus for a three-day challenge.  I have seen so many mothers who say they like to be home with their kids, they are glad to be there, yet they seem stressed and joy-less.  Everything is extremely serious in their household, everything is taken very seriously.

So, for the three days of your choosing this week, let’s try to combat this.  Here are some thoughts to get you going:

How many times a day do I respond to my child with HUMOR?

How many times a day do I SMILE at my child and either give my child a hug, a pat on the back or HOLD my small child?

How many times a day do I let something that is not the essential part of our family life slide?  (In other words, do I know what the essential is in our family?  See the post on writing a family mission statement for help here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/08/creating-a-family-mission-statement/ ).  This is just about choosing battles.  You cannot save your big reactions for the big things if every single thing is  a big thing!

How many times a day do I sit down and have some FUN with my kids?  Do we ever play a game, read together, sing together or make music together, roller skate together, look at stars or something in nature together?

Look for these things this week; you will be a better mother because of it!

Change your thoughts and attitude and change the tone in your household.

Peace,

Carrie

Housecleaning and Homeschooling

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Lovey over at Lovey-land (http://lovey-land.blogspot.com/) lent me a few fabulous books regarding decluttering and housecleaning.  I am no stranger to these areas, because having clean spaces is very important to me, and living simply without too much stuff is also important to me.  However, these books were very helpful to me because one book laid out decluttering projects with estimated amounts of time, and the other book really clarified what should be cleaned daily, weekly, monthly and yearly.

I do think that having a clean and orderly house is part of homeschooling.  First of all, it can be hard for some if not all children to function in a cluttered environment because they are just being constantly distracted.  Secondly, having a clean house is important from a health perspective.  Thirdly, I find most women who are feeling completely overwhelmed with their house also are feeling overwhelmed with homeschooling, with life in general, and are sometimes dealing with depression or other things going on. So I think your home is sometimes a barometer of where you are and how you are feeling.

Most importantly, housecleaning, laundry, getting meals on the table and such all still have to happen even with homeschooling!  You are still the leader for your home! So the question becomes how to figure out how to make this happen.

If you are in the beginning steps of decluttering and getting your house in order, bravo! You may want to check out www.flylady.net if you are not already acquainted with that website.  It is very helpful to those of us who have to work at being organized. 

Here is my own personal list for daily, weekly cleaning:

Daily-

Clean the bathrooms

Air out the beds after we get up and open windows to air everything out, make beds after 30 minutes or so

Keep kitchen clean, put out clean towels every day in kitchen (countertops I do every day, outside of cabinets once a week)

Vacuum/dust mop  daily (did I mention we have a large hairy dog?)

Empty trash cans if full

Weekly

Change bed linens, including putting pillows in dryer for 15 minutes to kill dust mites

Change bath towels 2-3 times a week

Dust

Wipe down doorknobs, light switches, etc ( I admit I may do this more than once a week)

Wipe down baseboards (again due to big hairy dog) and doors and door hinges

Clean oven and refrigerator (including taking shelves out every 1-2 weeks and washing the shelves off).

Wash and sanitize garbage cans

Vacuum upholstered furniture every 1-2 weeks.

Sweep outside patios and walks a couple times a week.

Clean out pantry if needed

Yearly

Painting as needed

At least two times a year pressure wash house, outside windows

Condition wood furniture

 

Every family has their own way of doing things based upon the climate in which they live, the size of their house, etc.  I am just sharing some of the things I do. 

Peace,

Carrie

Flow of the Day in A Waldorf Home

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Keep in mind this would be an ideal day in our house with a Kindergartner and an Early Grades kiddo, but maybe it will help give someone an idea of how to put it all together. Modify, change, take what resonates with you and your family and where you live.  There is no one right way to do this!!  We are at home and not at a Waldorf school!

Here is a day in the life:

  • Up, air out beds while taking shower, cleaning up bathroom and getting dressed
  • Make all beds with children’s help
  • Breakfast with blessing, religious devotional;  clean-up after breakfast including wiping table and sweeping under table
  • Help children with dressing, hair brushing and teeth brushing
  • Throw in laundry
  • Go for walk with children and dog or gardening tasks
  • Snack
  • Call to school with Song of Month on pennywhistle and any festival songs we are learning, light candle, say morning verses  (we may school outside or inside)
  • Circle time or seasonal finger plays for Kindergartner
  • Story for Kindergartner/Activity after story – every week we include modeling of some type and kind.  We also use drama, puppets, drawing, and other things to bring the story alive over a period of two weeks to a month for each Kindy story.
  • Active Math practice for older child if not in a Math Block or pennywhistle and more singing practice
  • Main Lesson for Grades Child – three day rhythm here……  An hour is a long time here for a First Grader!
  • Foreign language two days a week (German on Mondays with arts and crafts for the younger child, cooking on Tuesdays, Wednesdays Spanish with free play inside for the youngest child) (And yes, amazingly, this time period may involve more eating and snacking :))
  • Outside play while I do some more cleaning, lunch preparation
  • Blessing, lunch; clean-up
  • Quiet time
  • Handwork alternated with arts and crafts or wet on wet painting is ideal

The afternoons we spend outside playing or just creating.  I like to garden or read while the children play.  Time to “just  be”  is important to us.  We do grocery shop on Thursday afternoons in general.  Some weeks we have allergist or chiropractic appointments to work in as well.  I try very hard to keep us home a lot, which means saying NO to a lot of   things.  🙂

Fridays look a bit different in that our typical school day is usually either a fast finish up of the only the academic piece of the Main Lesson (without the Kindy stuff or math practice).  We usually then do  a short  Peace Circle (this idea was inspired by  the Winter Seasons of Joy booklet by Annette  – you can see her website here about ordering: http://natural-childhood.blogspot.com/ for Annette’s example)   I have made my own Peace Circles (and taught hymns or other spiritual songs and verses) and a religious study.   This year we have been discussing one Fruit of the Spirit a month through a bible story, coloring, games or whatever else I can think of (there are nine Fruit of the Spirit  so this happened to work out well for us).  And then generally we clean and play and get the house ready for the weekend!

Every Waldorf homeschool will look different; it will also look different at different stages as your children grow and mature.

I hear so many mothers who have three children or more under the age of 5 and they are so hard on themselves that they don’t have this wonderful rhythm with all these activities going on; please do be easy with yourselves out there!  Sometimes it is just getting through the day and small things at that point with building up to the bigger things as the children grow and mature!  Take it easy if you have multiple children under the age of 5; remember Steiner thought is was beneficial for a child to be able to see even 15 minutes of real work done by your warm hands.  Go through the back posts on this blog about rhythm and start small – awake times, bedtimes, mealtimes.

Be easy with yourself and others as we travel this homeschooling road together,

Carrie

Creating A Day of Rest In Your Week

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Many spiritual and religious traditions include having a day of rest.  Even for those of you  without a specific spiritual or religious path, wouldn’t a day of rest a week sound wonderful?  Perhaps you would like to have a day of rest once a week to go have a picnic by a lake with your family, or a day up in the mountains. 

Of course, the question is how to make this happen!

This is something I am working toward and can only share my progress and plans.  To me, there needed to be several things in place before I could have a day of rest.  These things included 1-all the housework and laundry done beforehand, the refrigerator full, errands done 2- a plan for meals and advance meal  preparation for our day of rest to also include a special dinner the night before our day of rest  3- a plan for that day for my family, including  perhaps a special box of things that only come out on that day for the children to play with in the morning  and also notions on  how we would spend our day.

My plans so far include doing things each day of the week to get ready for the day of rest, and using the two days before the day of rest as more serious preparation days.  This past weekend we experimented with easy meals/meals made in advance and found that satisfactory.  Having a plan to get housework, laundry, errands, grocery shopping all done and in place has also been a huge help.

Just something to think about and see if this appeals to you,

Carrie

Creating A Family Mission Statement

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My husband and I are in the process of writing a mission statement, has anyone out there ever done that?  It is a truly interesting process, and for those of you who are interested, I thought I would outline some steps regarding creating a family mission statement of your own.

First of all, sit down with your spouse or significant other and talk to them about this.  Discuss with each other the fundamentals of life, such as:  What are the attitudes in our family regarding money?  What do we feel the place or importance of education is in our family?  How does our family regard religion or spirituality, and how does this play into our everyday lives?  What is the role of activities outside of our family?  Is the environment extremely important to us and how do we reflect that?  Is helping other people or participating in our neighborhood, church or synagogue, or community essential?  For those of you who are parents, do you have a view of childhood development or loving guidance that really plays center stage in your daily life?

It is an eye-opening experience to have these conversations with your significant other!  It can also take a long time, and this is not a step to be rushed.  Really talk about these things, and think about them and ponder them. What is most important to you both as you shape your family? 

Then talk to the other adults in your house if you have extended family living with you.  Some sources say to then sit down with your children  with the value statements you and your partner came up with and see what they have to say.  Some mothers I have spoken with talk about how you can ask your children for adjectives that they would use to describe the family, what the children think  is most important to mother and father, what they think about their family. 

I think this step could be quite head-oriented and somewhat difficult to grasp for the under –nine crowd.  Perhaps something better for you and your partner may be  to set your mission statement as you together create your family environment (and then change the mission statement to include your children’s ideas as they grow and mature, of course!)  So I guess the inclusion of children, for me personally , would really  have to depend on the ages and maturity  of the children involved.  Some older children may have valuable input, or at least a specific idea or example of something where you could tie this to a bigger value for your mission statement, whereas a three or four year old probably will just parrot whatever  their big brother or sister has to say!  I know this is not a popular view nowadays, in the age of democratic and consensual family living, but I thought I would throw it out there that you really are in charge of setting the tone for your own home first and foremost!  As always, take what resonates from my writings and ideas and adapt it to your own family.

However you decide to do this process, you would then write down the value statements or ideas that family members come up with in sentences, as many sentences as you need.  You could then see if any similarities exist among the value statements where you could group them under one heading so to speak.  For example, “health” to you may include physical health, spirituality practices, alternative health care, eating styles and communication styles, breastfeeding and attachment parenting.  

For older children some families provide follow-up sentences to each value sentence that explains how this value would be implemented – for example, if living simply is a strong value, perhaps examples of follow-up statements would include buying used whenever possible, considering the reduction of packaging in purchasing decisions, treating the earth kindly, involvement in environmental justice kinds of activities, etc.

Once you have your family’s mission statement you can put it somewhere and frame it for easy reference – do not just tuck it away in a drawer!  This should be the touchstone of discerning what is essential for you and your family.  It should help you determine what you will participate in and what you won’t, and how you will live. 

Mission statements are living documents that need to updated as your family members grow and mature; set regular dates to review, revise, re-frame your thoughts.

Perhaps all or part of this process may appeal to you and your family; please leave a comment in the comment section below !

Peaceful family living to you and yours,

Carrie