Author Archives: Carrie

Inspirations from Tapestries: The Stages of Marriage

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There have been several posts about marriage and nurturing your partner on this blog that you can search and see for background regarding marriage, attachment parenting, and homeschooling.  Here is one that comes to mind: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/08/parenting-as-partners/  as well as this one:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/17/using-your-first-year-of-parenting-to-fall-deeper-in-love-with-your-spouse/

This is a topic I feel is so important because unfortunately, many of the homeschooling mothers I know appear to  feel overwhelmed, seem to feel unsatisfied with their partner’s contribution to family life, and just are not enjoying time with their partner/spouse because they feel their basic needs are not being met within their closest relationships.

Maybe Betty Staley can help us unravel some of the mysteries surrounding the life cycle of a relationship. 

She writes, “Just as each individual passes through cycles, so does a relationship.  During each stage of a relationship we have particular needs and ways of solving problems.  There are three basic elements to consider when we speak about relationship-stages.  First, the individuality of each person.  Second, the phase of life each person is in.  Third, the  stage the relationship has reached.  In addition to these three aspects, cultural and historical expectations and the environment are also strong influences.”

The stages of relationships per Tapestries:

  • The first stage of a relationship is when two people are attracted to one another, “they are in a soul stage where feeling life predominates (21-28 years) no matter how old they are.” (page 75).
  • After the relationship settle down to routine, the couple enters the soul phase where THINKING predominates (28-35 years, but again it does not matter how old the people in the relationship are).  Each person looks at the other more objectively, and each may question the relationship itself.  This can be a point where many relationships fall apart and break up.
  • If the couple survives this phase, the next phase is the soul phase where CONSCIOUSNESS or AWARENESS predominates (corresponding to the ages 35-42, but remember, it does not matter how old the people in the relationship are), where each individual in the relationship begins to look at themselves and their partners more objectively.  During this time, hopefully each person can have not only a sense of realism about their partner’s strengths and weaknesses, but also love their partner with some of the passion from the feeling stage and see the person’s high self.

Betty Staley points out on page 76 that if a couple is older than their twenties when the relationship begins, the earlier phases representing the twenties will be passed through quickly to get to the stage of life the couple is in.

In other words, if a couple’s relationship starts when they are 35, the relationship will pass quickly through the feeling stage and the soul phase where thinking predominates to the soul phase where consciousness or awareness predominates.

She talks about couples where there  is an age difference and how each person in the relationship will demonstrate not only aspects of the seven-year cycle they are in, but also aspects of the seven-year cycles their partner is in.  She discusses that the combination of  having two partners from two different age groups can bring support into the relationship as whoever is older and in the next seven-year cycle can provide better patience, understanding, (depending upon the maturity of the person, of course).

If you are a couple where both of you are in the same seven-year cycle, this can be a source of unity and support because you are going through the same things (although I would add here that I think men and women often experience different intensifications of aspects of the same seven year cycle, so it may not be exactly the same), but it can also be difficult because neither person can step outside the relationship and look at it from a broader perspective, and neither may have completely developed greater understanding or patience.

My husband and I have been married for almost 17 years and we were both in our early twenties (I was 21) when we married.  I truly believe that  at least from my personal experience and from watching the couples around us that these cycles of a relationship are dead-on.

Of course, the trick is to survive the stages!  Can you identify where your relationship is according to Tapestries?

Understanding where you and your partner are in relationship to the seven year cycles throughout the lifespan on top of understanding the cycles of a relationship can be of great help….

We will look at a summary of each of the seven year phases for the adult in our next post.

Thanks for reading,

Carrie

How To Deal with Criticism of Waldorf Homeschooling by Family and Friends

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There are divorce and custody cases where Waldorf homeschooling (and any kind of homeschooling) is being contested by part of legal proceedings, and I am NOT referring to that here).  This post is more in relation to regular criticism.

 

Criticism of how one is homeschooling one’s children is always difficult, and it is even more difficult when the criticism is leveled by close family and friends.  I personally have found this very difficult.  As frequently as I explain that the things within the Waldorf curriculum are picked and developed for a particular chronological age, not so much an academic level, there is still doubt on the part of friends and family that this is the best way to educate a child in the early years.

The places I have found family and friends to have the most trouble in the early years (K-4)  are these:

  • The lack of academics in the Kindergarten years, and the fact the Kindergarten years covers the six-year-old year.  That is a biggie for many people, especially in the United States,  when most six-year-olds are in first grade.
  • The way science is approached through nature stories in the first and second grade with the practical science bridge being things like farming and building in the third grade.  People seem relieved when they see zoology and such starts in the fourth grade.  For more details on science within the Waldorf curriculum, please do see this post on this blog.
  • People have a huge lack of understanding about the numbers and letters being introduced in the first grade. First of all, they think this takes the entire year with no true reading or mathematic operations taking place, but even if they do understand that, they think your child must be “bored”.
  • If you have a child who is a good reader, then your child should not be in Waldorf because “it moves too slow” and “they know all those stories already.”
  • The fact that “true and proper” history doesn’t start until the fifth grade can be a problem for some people. 
  • They don’t understand the lack of worksheets, and paper clutter in general.
  • Teaching through artistic mediums seems “too fluffy” to many people.
  • Any others you all have heard and would like to add in the comment section?

Sigh.

Personally, I have explained, I have provided lots of information (sometimes the same information over and over, sigh)  and for some people, the mindset of Waldorf education is just too far from what the traditional view is and they just cannot wrap their heads around it. 

And, quite frankly, most people do not seem to want to take the time to really listen and understand.  If they did, they might find out that protecting your child’s academic progress so they do not completely burn out and truly are bored and tired of school when they are teen-agers is important to you.  They might find out you really want to have your child enjoy their childhood in a developmentally appropriate way.  They might find out that the seven-year cycles and Steiner’s view of the child’s education is very important to you.

They might find out that Waldorf is extremely academic rigorous in the middle and high school grades, that there really is a shift in the third grade, and that you do not believe you need to stuff your child’s head full of unrelated facts and worksheet drills to provide a good education.

You can talk to people about the truth of Waldorf, you can ask them to look at your whole child and the strengths and weaknesses they possess and how the curriculum really addresses that, you can talk about the rigorousness of the education and how it fits where the child is developmentally right now because a k-4 child is not a miniature adult, but this is the truth:

You can provide information, but you cannot make people believe for themselves.  That is their own journey, not yours, and you have to sometimes let it go, agree to disagree and be rather pointed about saying, “I know you want what is best for my child, I know you care, and I appreciate your concern and I value your friendship/the fact we are part of this family together, so let’s let this go.  Thanks!”

Back to more Tapestries,

Carrie

Inspiration From Tapestries: Waldorf Homeschooling and the Quiet Revolution

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“The spiritual research of Rudolf Steiner led him to describe how we choose our parents, how we find a way to come from the spiritual world to the people we need to be our parents.  Complex dynamic forces are at work to bring about such a connection.  This view might help us look at our relationship  with our parents in a new way.” – page 22.

Betty Staley goes on to compare and contrast the role and feelings of three generations of women who have struggled with the change in the societal role of woman.

The first group she looks at the mothers of women who are now 50 or so (or 50 or so when this book was published in 1997).  She writes how these women experienced first-hand the changing roles of women in society and how confusing it was to know if being “only a housewife”  was “to be admired or not.”  Betty Staley also points out how hard it was for these women to sometimes watch their daughters “deny the value of motherhood (at least in the way they had defined it for most of their own adult life).

I actually know some women who are now in their 70s and 80s who have mixed feelings about the number of years they devoted solely to  homemaking and raising children.  Many re-entered the work force after their youngest child was in school.  Betty Staley looks at this dilemma of returning to work from full-time homemaking and how the family must change and adapt to this situation.

The second group of women Betty Staley looks at is her own generation.  She writes, “Mine is often a confused generation.  We still had a sense it was important to be a mother, that family was a priority.  Yet we also wanted careers…..So we tried all kinds of things: We celebrated motherhood, and downplayed its importance; we tried to put our careers first, or motherhood first.  We tried it all, and it’s still not resolved.”

Amen, Betty.  Amen.  These are still the issues that I think so many of us in this generation are grappling with in one aspect or another even today. 

I love being home, I love setting the tone in my home, the rhythm in my home, I love devoting myself to my children and my community and helping other mothers.  Yet, the other day, I took the time to figure out that if we have another child, because of the likely age span of our children, I would not be completely done homeschooling until I am 57 years old.  It wasn’t a terrible moment to realize this or anything, because I enjoy my life, but I have to admit it was kind of an odd thought.  Many families evaluate homeschooling as a year-by-year, child-by child kind of decision; so certainly those of you sitting out there with a three year old do not need to freak out, but it really was an interesting thought to me for myself.

And then it suddenly came to me; it was not so much the homeschooling and being with my children for the next how many ever years, but it was the thought that I still need to be able to grow as an individual during this time so when those years are over myself is still there.  My family is a huge part of me, but they are not all of me.  I enjoy writing, I enjoy learning about Waldorf education in a homeschooling context, I enjoy helping mothers.  For me, the next years have to have not only that homeschooling and family component but also that bit of me, even if it is just a few minutes for me each day.  I also need a bit of time for my husband and I  each day as I want us to grow together on this journey and not apart.  Relationships take work.

Betty Staley mentions the third group of women she looked at was this generation, our generation.   She says she has great admiration for this generation as they have seen it all.  “They and their friends have experienced mothers who were too focused on their own lives to  pay adequate attention to their children’s needs, they have experienced the chaos of divorce and the rootlessness of a generation which hardly knows what family is.  They have experienced the courage and commitment of single parents trying to survive.  They know more about the importance of independence and self-fulfillment. “

She goes on to say that this generation has more information, more facts and still has hope and many mothers of this generation are fighting for things such as improved child-care and health benefits, maternity benefits, help for nursing mothers, the involvement of dad in the lives of their children. 

I personally don’t know as there is a perfect balance or trade-off in family life and parenting.   I am not  sure the  we can “have it all” mentality  is really productive and not just causing more burn-out and confusion among the mothers of our generation.  On the other hand, the US lags behind almost every nation in terms of duration, payment and job security of maternity leave, and I believe women are often the best catalyst for change in our nation.   And I personally do see the value of being involved in my community and in community-based organizations.  I admire women who are doing things for these causes at the national level.

However, as a homeschooling mother, I think my biggest perspective on the whole home –or –work- or-issue- involvement issue is this:  I see the quiet revolution we as stay-at-home, Waldorf homeschooling mothers are having. 

I see Waldorf homeschooling mothers who are doing things by hand, who are remembering skills that are almost lost in the fast-paced United States, who are railing against the materialism of our society.  I see mothers fighting against the miniaturization of small children into little adults (so very, very wrong, but you all hear me talk about that almost daily) and who are learning how to be calm and patient with their children while still setting limits. 

I see mothers who are taking Rudolf Steiner’s educational philosophy and are making it work for their own families.  I love knowing that there are other mothers who know there is a time and a place for teaching things that will nurture and speak to their child’s soul.  I love knowing there are other mothers who realize the importance of the early years in education  that build up to a rigorous academic education and how we really don’t have to “stuff” facts into our children’s brains when they are four, thinking that window will close forever.

There is only one educational method that looks at gratitude, love and later duty as we educate our children with human values. And that is Waldorf.  There is only method that looks at reverence, goodness, beauty and truth.  And that is Waldorf.

So, to all my fellow Waldorf homeschooling mothers, my hat is off to you.  Let’s keep the quiet revolution going and change society one household at a time.

In gratitude,

Carrie

Tapestries: A Waldorf Perspective on the Adult Lifespan

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I am here amidst the Caribbean blue sea and skies rapidly devouring a wonderful book I received from my sister-in-law for Christmas called “Tapestries:  Weaving Life’s Journey” by Betty Staley.  If you have ever been intrigued by the Waldorf notion of “biography” ,  this is a very accessible resource to look at seven-year-cycles across the continuum of life.

“Tapestries” was inspired by Betty Staley’s interviews with women and men in Latvia.  The Forward to the book talks about how Betty Staley started this project, “As she listened to their life stories she realized that they illustrated  the seven-year life phases and revealed universal patterns:  a human tapestry which went beyond cultural, racial, gender and ethnic boundaries.”

Betty Staley writes in the Prologue, “We are born into a physical body with its magnificent design of skeletal structure, muscles, organs, hormones, senses, and nervous system.  We are received into a family with complex interrelationships of sisters, brothers, mother and father.  Our soul unfolds as we live in the world and meet other people.  Our lives are embedded in a process of time, so that we undergo change from one phase to another, experience soul struggles.”  She talks about how the human spirit can be our foundation to decide how we work to transform ourselves, and shape the opportunities we are given, how we change things about ourselves that we decide to change toward becoming the highest expression of ourselves.

This book looks at life cycles and human rhythms as influenced by the work of Rudolf Steiner and has eloquent and thought-provoking passages regarding relationships, aging, love and growth.

I will be sharing some thoughts with you over the next week or so as we explore the anthroposophical journey of the human being from ages 21 onward.

Please do join me,

Carrie

Co-Sleeping and Nighttime Parenting

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For those of you co-sleeping with your children, Attachment Parenting’s International Research Group has released a position paper that may be of interest to you:

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/pdfs/APIRG_safe_sleep_%20position_paper.pdf

My own thoughts on nighttime parenting generally run toward personal amusement as new parents repeatedly get asked the same question, “Is the baby a good sleeper?” 

What exactly does that term mean?  What does the term “good sleeper” mean to you?  That they sleep 12 hours at 2 weeks of age?  That you can shut the door and say, “I am off-duty for 12 hours, see you when I open the door  in the morning?”

Parenting does not work like that, does it?  The suggestion is humorous, yet in American society, it is almost what people seem to expect.  Immediate independence of the baby from the parents.  Rugged solitary individualism.

Because I love other cultures and anthropological kinds of studies, for me this question of “good sleep”  always leads to me to think about the cultural connotations of sleep.

There is a wonderful book that many of you probably know called, “Our Babies, Ourselves,” by Meredith Small.  It is a fascinating book and here are some interesting sleep facts:

  • For most of human history a baby has slept with his or her mother, or perhaps both parents. 
  • It was not even until 200 years ago cultures began to construct dwellings with more than one room. The majority of people around the world still live in one -room shelters where all activities take place.
  • 50 out of 136 cultures evaluated by anthropologist John Whiting found mother slept with child and father slept in another place.
  • In 67 percent of cultures around the world children sleep either in parent’s room and/or bed. Japanese teenagers sleep in their parents’ room.

Newborn babies sleep for short periods interspersed by even shorter periods of wakefulness.   Interestingly enough, babies enter sleep through the REM sleep cycle, which is different than adults, and they also spend more time in REM sleep than adults.   By three to four months, establishment of nocturnal and diurnal cycles takes places and eventually consolidates into longer periods of sleep.  Many babies will sleep four hours at a time in the first few weeks, some will  reach eight hours of continuous sleep by 4 months of age.

Sleeping through the night by medical standards is not a 8 hour stretch, however.  It is a stretch from midnight to five am.  Dr.  Sears has said that 70 percent of babies slept from midnight to 5 am by 3 months of age, with another 13 percent doing that by 6 months of age.  Ten percent of infants did not sleep uninterrupted throughout the first year.

“ALL children will sleep like adults,eventually, it is just a matter of how long it takes them to achieve this pattern.” says Dr. William Sears.

However, the amount of sleep in other cultures seems  variable, according to Meredith Small.  She cites , for example, that:

  • Kipsigis African babies wake three to four times a night until they are eight months old
  • Dutch children sleep 2 hours more a day than American children

James McKenna, the well-known anthropological sleep researcher from University of Notre Dame,  believes that all of us are designed to be biphasic sleepers designed to sleep twice in a 24 hour period.  His website is very interesting and can be found here:  http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/index.html

Mothers and babies who sleep together are in sync and are physiologically entwined in that  the movements,breathing of one partner, mother or baby, affect the other. This may be important because each time the baby responds to an arousal by its mom, the response sets in motion a cycle that gives infants additional practice in breathing.  Co-sleeping mothers exhibit five times the protective response behaviors toward their babies.

When co-sleeping, infants spend greater amounts of time in levels 1-2  of sleep and less time at the deeper levels, exhibit more REM sleep, and are awake longer.  This is important for protection against SIDS. 

The other benefit for co-sleeping for older babies who are  still nursing at night is that many calories may be obtained at night.  Research has show babies as old as ten months of age were receiving up to 25 percent of their calories at night.  McKenna reports infants who co-sleep and breastfeed at night wake up for shorter periods of time and have less crying than breastfeeding infants sleeping not in proximity to their mothers.

If your baby is an older baby or toddler and is frequently waking, there could be true physical causes of night waking.  The baby could be hungry or thirsty, hot or cold, or wet.  Teething could be a factor or also other developmental milestones.  Reflux and food allergies can also be a culprit.   I have talked to many mothers whose infants had history of reflux and were on medications and when their infant “grew out of their reflux” and were taken off their medications, they had a toddler with frequent night waking.  It may be worth further investigation if this sounds like your toddler. 

Noise, environmental irritants, stuffy nose, allergy, ear infections, pinworms, UTI,  and pain at night can also impact night waking for the older baby and toddler.

Safe co-sleeping is paramount.  Here is a partial list of parameters for safe co-sleeping from www.naturalchild.org:

 

Safety while cosleeping is of utmost importance. Parents should take very seriously the importance of providing their babies with a safe sleeping environment. There are many guidelines, most of which are common sense (Sears, 1995b; Thevenin, 1987). To start with, the bed must be arranged in such a way as to eliminate the possibility of the child falling out. This can be done using a mesh guardrail, a special cosleeper crib (with three sides), or by pushing the bed flush against the wall, making sure there are no crevices which could entrap the baby. Next, in the early months, parents must be sure to place the baby next to the mother rather than between the parents as fathers are not usually as aware of their infants as the mothers are at first. Cosleepers should use a large bed or a sidecar arrangement, with a three-sided crib clamped flush to the mother’s side of the bed and the mattresses set to the same level. They should avoid using heavy comforters or pillows near the infant. Babies should not be overdressed as the warmth of the mother will be shared with the child. Infants who cosleep are usually breastfed throughout the night; this is to be encouraged. Waterbeds, sofas, and other soft surfaces should not be the location for cosleeping (Heinig, 2000; Sears, 1995b; Thevenin, 1987). Most importantly, parents should not cosleep if they are seriously sleep-deprived or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Parents who are smokers should not cosleep as secondary smoke greatly increases the risk of death from SIDS (McKenna et al., 1993; Sears, 1995b).

For the full article, which is full of anthropological studies and references and is really, really interesting, please see here:  http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/tami_breazeale.html

Other detailed safety parameters can be found here:

http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/family-bed-safety.html

Here are some recommendations from that Mothering article by James McKenna:

James J. McKenna, professor of anthropology and director of the University of Notre Dame’s Center for Behavioral Studies of Mother-Infant Sleep, has this to say about the CPSC study: “It attempted to medicalize an event that is a rational issue. It is a safety issue, but not only a safety issue. . . . Most babies die in cribs, so do you conclude that cribs are dangerous and babies should sleep with parents? No, you concentrate on solving the problem, but with cosleeping you attempt to eliminate the practice. That is not science, that is a cultural choice.”2

McKenna’s work has gone a long way toward helping parents who do choose to cosleep keep their babies safe. Here is a list of rules for family bed safety:

  • For parents who smoke, drink, or are unusually heavy sleepers, or use any kind of drugs that inhibit arousal from sleep, cosleeping on the same surface with a baby is not recommended, said McKenna. For these parents, having their child sleep on a separate surface near them, such as a cradle or bassinet, will protect the baby from overlaying while still providing the baby with many of the same benefits as cosleeping.
  • Make sure the surface your baby sleeps on is firm. “There are many adult mattresses that can match the stiffness of CPSC recommendations,” McKenna said. Avoid waterbeds, lambskins, and other soft bedding for your baby. Stuffed animals and toys should be kept out of the baby’s sleep environment.
  • Don’t give pillows to babies or young toddlers, and keep their faces away from your pillow. Keep blankets away from babies’ faces, too.
  • Cosleeping babies are kept warmer than solitary sleeping babies, so they need lighter blankets and pajamas. (Being too warm may be a factor in SIDS.)
  • Toddlers should not be allowed to sleep next to infants, said McKenna, because “They are too unaware of the dangers their bodies pose.” Instead, either the infant or the toddler can sleep on a separate surface next to the family bed—the infant in a cosleeper, crib, or bassinet; the toddler in a toddler bed or mattress on the floor.
  • Headboards, footboards, and side rails can be unsafe, especially if a baby is left alone in bed with these trappings. One of the most dangerous situations for young children is getting their heads wedged in furniture, said McKenna. He suggested making sure the child’s head can’t fit between the side rail and any surrounding surfaces. If a parent is using a crib as a sidecar, make sure the two mattresses are on the same level and held tightly together, so there is no space that a baby could slip into. If a bed is up against a wall, ensure that there are no gaps in which a child’s head can get trapped. Another option is to put the mattress right on the floor, so that side rails are not necessary to prevent a baby from falling off the bed.
  • Do not sleep on the sofa with your baby, or leave a sleeping baby alone on a sofa.
  • Do not leave a baby unattended in an adult bed. The benefits of the family bed exist only when the parents are there with the child; if the parents want some adult time while baby sleeps, the child should be put somewhere else—such as a crib, bassinet, or mattress on the floor—until the parents are ready for him to join them, McKenna said.

Co-sleeping is a cultural choice; there are many benefits to co-sleeping once a safe sleeping environment is ascertained.

Happy, peaceful dreams and safe co-sleeping,

Carrie

A Waldorf Perspective: Filling Up or Unfolding?

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I was re-reading the lovely book “Active Arithmetic” by Henning Andersen.  Many of the things in this book are geared toward the Waldorf classroom, and therefore not everyone finds this a useful addition to their Waldorf homeschooling library, but I personally think there are some gems in this little book.  The attitude that this long-term Danish Waldorf teacher brings is particularly powerful:

“One must know, in addition, that human development is not the sort of growth in which something is first small, then bigger, preserving the same basic structure.  Rather it is one where abilities are completely transformed during growth from one level to another.  A child is this kind of being, undergoing complete transformation on its way to adulthood.

In this regard the teacher must have great patience, not only from day to day when he must question the children on yesterday’s lesson, but also from year to year, and even from one phase of life to  the next.  Perhaps the biggest obstacles a teacher has to overcome is to avoid wanting to harvest the next day that which he has sown only the day before.

He goes on to compare the role of a teacher to that of a midwife:

….we can only act as midwife for the abilities that are already latent in the child – awaiting opportunities for growth which we as teachers can create for them.  That alone is our contribution as teachers, and this does not make the job any less responsible – on the contrary, only more so.

In arithmetic and mathematics the question then becomes the same as everywhere else:  “What do the children bring with them?” and not, “What does society demand we put into them?”  What laws of development must be followed if these inner qualities are to be brought out?  Or put another way, is is not a question of creating something, but more of bringing something forth.

In our particular case, we must ask, “What mathematics lies already buried within the child, and what are the rules for nurturing this already existing substance?”

Waldorf education looks at not filling the child’s head with facts, factoids and bits and pieces, but examines what the child has within them and how to best build on that to provide a comprehensive education.  The child entering first grade should be in their bodies, and we can use movement of the body to build upon the child’s counting skills.  The child knows verses and songs orally from Kindergarten, and we can use this for writing practice and then for the child to read from what they wrote.

Waldorf education is comprehensive, rigorous and builds upon itself throughout the grades to provide a complete education, but the teacher is viewed as a guide, a presenter, a natural and kind authority who builds upon the unique abilities, talents and temperaments of each child, observes what lies within each child,  and assists the unfolding of the child’s development through the academic curriculum.  Every seven year cycle builds upon the cycle that came before, and builds toward future physical and emotional health.

Waldorf education does not look to “fill students up” with meaningless chatter and facts, but serves to marry the unfolding maturation and soul development of the child with economy of teaching to lead to wonder of the human journey.

It is a great ride, and I invite all of you to come along.

Carrie

Baby Steps to Waldorf Rhythm

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I have had some parents ask me once they have their awake, nap, and bed times pretty well-established, where should they go from there in terms of rhythm or general Waldorf lifestyle?

I think this is very individual depending upon the situation of the family, the ages of the children, but I am going to toss out some possible suggestions for those with children under the age of 7:

The first place to start is ALWAYS with YOURSELF.  You must find at least ten minutes for you to sit uninterrupted and think and meditate on what the needs of your family really are, and what steps you need to guide them and set the tone in your own home.  This is always first!

Think seriously about the way Steiner viewed the needs of the small child – to be firmly in their home environment, less words, music and singing and verses, less stimulation with protection of the 12 senses.  Stop talking to your under 7 child as if they are a miniature adult and respect their right to be LITTLE and innocent.  That is big inner work to see if  you believe in this view, and how you implement this day-to-day.

After that, there are several possibilities:

One possibility would be to next focus on your environment – decluttering your house, establishing routines for cleaning your house, and establishing routines for cooking real home-cooked foods made with love for your family.  A place of help for you may be www.flylady.net.

If you were a family where there was very little structure in place and this a big transition for you all, perhaps consider starting with outside time for your child each day at the same time, and adding some structure by doing some practical work every day that your child can see.  The younger the child is, the less time this may take and you may have to build up the time gradually.  Steiner felt even 15 minutes of quality work done in a peaceful manner was wonderful for the child to see.  There are posts on this blog regarding connecting children to nature and on fostering creative play that may be of service to you.

If you have your home essentially in order, and some structure is in place, then perhaps you start building toward a storytelling time each day and some preparation toward festivals.

If you can get all that going, now is the time to pick a skill of the skill list on the post regarding “A Mother’s Job in the Waldorf Homeschool Kindergarten” and start to educate yourself.

I would love to hear from other families ways they made the transition.

Happy pondering,

Carrie

Hopeless With Waldorf?

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(Addendum as of March 28, 2009:  This post has had 416 hits as of today which kind of cracks me up because I wrote it completely off the cuff in about 10 minutes!  If you are new to my blog, please do have a look around.  There are lots of posts about the developmental characteristics of the ages of children 7 and under, lots of posts on gentle discipline, co-sleeping, breastfeeding and more (and of course there are A LOT of posts on Waldorf homeschooling and life with Waldorf).  I am glad to have you as a reader today!  Thank you!)

I have recently talked to three separate mothers who are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed with Waldorf.  I would like to take this opportunity to shatter the Waldorf myths – excuse me while I go put on my silk, hand-dyed cape!

Okay, now I am back, so here goes:

1.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean that you will always walk around singing and as happy as a Mary Poppins on Valium.  It does mean you will do your best to take some time for YOURSELF and breathe.  It does mean you will try to set the tone for your home, because if you don’t do it, no one else will.

2.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean you can never have another plastic toy in your house ever again.  It does mean you WILL seriously pare down your clutter of toys and get rid of a lot of them.  It does mean you may take the time to set up inviting areas in your home for your kids to want to play in – maybe a kitchen area, a dress-up area.

3.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean you have to go and stand outside in sub-freezing weather everyday because “we are outside in all kinds of weather, no matter what.”  It does mean you will make a very concerted effort to get your kids outside on most days when this is reasonable and that you will try to make it around the same time most days.

4.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean you have to get rid of your TV, but it does mean you will not turn it on during the day and that your kids will not watch it if they are little.  It does mean you are going to work hard to NOT surf on your PC all day, except to read this blog 🙂

5.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean your house has to be perfectly clean and spotless with you standing there in an apron with your broom (although I personally love my apron).  It does mean you will make a reasonable effort to keep your house picked up by having several times during the day where you pick up, that you  will allot time at the end of an activity to clean-up with your children, and that you will try to clean your house and cook some homemade meals.  Baby steps – start small.

6.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean you will never go out during the week anymore, but it does mean you will work to be firmly entrenched in your home, especially if you have small children.  It does mean you will think about the number of playdates and classes and such a four-year-old really needs (my vote is for none!)

7.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean that you are sunk if you cannot make your own bread, knit, sew, paint, model and play pennywhistle, but it does mean you will try to learn little by little.  Maybe you will find other Waldorf homeschooling parents to learn from.  Maybe, gasp, you will attend a workshop or class without your children and learn so you can show them and be a better teacher.  The joy of being human is that we can learn, do better and we are not stagnate!

8.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean you cannot use an open and go curriculum. Melisa Nielsen creates one, and so does Donna Simmons.  It may mean that after you do this Waldorf homeschooling for awhile you may be inspired to create your own, and it is okay to take a few minutes each day to work on it before the next school year.

9.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean you have to honor every traditional Waldorf festival they would celebrate in a school.  Pick the ones that speak to you and your family, start small and add things to it every year.  This is a learning practice.

10.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean you cannot include your child’s interests in your homeschooling experience, but it DOES mean you understand the reasons of WHY Waldorf teaches WHAT when and you  can work with that.

11.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean that your children have to go to bed at 6:30 forever, but it does mean that you shoot for the same bedtime every night and the same awake time every day.  After awhile, you and your children will love this and it will not be a battle, but you have to persevere for at least 21 days!  21 days to make a new habit!  And, as a homeschooling mother, you will appreciate the time to yourself.

12.  Being Waldorf does NOT mean you will never get there, it just may take time!

Be easy with yourselves out there, start small and dream big!  Seek guidance from other Waldorf mothers and don’t just settle on something less than Waldorf if you feel Waldorf is really right for your family!  Make it work for you!

You can do this!!

Love to all,

Carrie

Differences Between “The Well-Trained Mind” and Waldorf: The Early Years

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Someone pointed out to me that The Well-Trained Mind encourages art and stories within their curriculum as well, so what is so different about the two curriculums?  This was a person with very little experience in Waldorf who had never seen a Main Lesson Book or seen how the children create throughout a three-day rhythm in a Waldorf environment as they learn, but I still thought it was an interesting question.

I would like to take moment to address this question here in this post for you all.  This first table is for the pre-school years of The Well-Trained Mind, which encompasses the Waldorf Kindergarten Years of ages 3-6.

  The Well-Trained Mind Waldorf
How to Teach Reading “Talk, talk, talk – adult talk, not baby talk.  Talk to her while you’re walking in the park, while you’re riding in the care, while you’re fixing dinner.” (page  27)
”Read, read, read.  Start reading chunky baby books to your baby in her crib.  Give her sturdy books that she can look at alone. (A torn book or two is a small price to pay for literacy).  Read picture books, pointing at the words with your finger.  Read the same books over and over’; repetition builds literacy…..Read books onto tapes, along with the child’s comments, so that she can listen to you read over and over again.” (page 27, TWTM, page 27)
”After you read to your toddler, ask her questions about the story.  Why did the gingerbread man run away from the little old woman?  Why did all the dogs want to go to the top of the tree in Go, Dog, Go?  Why did Bananas Gorilla take all the bananas?” (Page 27)		 Steiner did not advocate teaching reading to children still within the first seven-year cycle.  The child is seen as needing their energy for growth and development of the physical body until the forces are  freed for memorization.  It is not that the child cannot learn reading at this age, but that the child ‘s growth and development should be protected at this point by the adult.  Steiner felt early memorization, instruction and such came at a price to the child’s future health as an adult.
”Accomplishments that come with forces that are available later on should never be forced into  an earlier stage, unless we are prepared to ruin the physical organism.” Steiner, page 116, Soul Economy.Talking for the sake of talking is not seen as promoting the vital concept of warmth and is also seen as pulling the child into their head with lots of verbal play; but singing, verses, pictorial imagery, oral storytelling  is strongly encouraged.  Talking to your child is encouraged, just perhaps not the running commentary of what you are doing every minute the way TWTM suggests.
Picture books are limited so the child can make pictures in their own mind, and the same picture books and fairy tales and nature stories are told over and over for weeks or a month at a time to work deeply on the child’s soul.  The child memorizes the stories, songs and verses from the repetition, and the stories come out in the child’s play
Use of Television and Videos Limit television and videos. Same, no television or videos preferable
Writing “Very young children (under two) will pick up a pencil and imitate scribbling.  Teach a child from the beginning to  hold the pencil correctly.  Draw lots of circles and loops in a counterclockwise direction……Teach your three year old basic dot-to-dot skills by drawing your own dot-to-dot picture…” (pages 28-29) Some Waldorf Kindergartens do  artistic drawing, but none teach letters or do dot-to-dot diagrams within the Kindergarten ages of 3-6.  Letter and handwriting are taught in First Grade through such artistic activities as form drawing, modeling the letters, drawing objects that begin with a letter and seeing how that turns into the abstract letter.  Pictures that the child draws, such as a house, is seen on an archtypical level.
Math “Start to make your child “mathematically literate” in the toddler years…..Bring numbers into everyday life as often as possible….Once the child is comfortable counting, you can start working on simple math sums – usually during the K-4 and K-5 years.” (page 29) Pre-mathematics literacy is laid early through oral stories, fingerplays, rhymes.  Qualities of numbers, all four math processes, Roman numerals, all are introduced in Grade One.
“kindergarten” for four and five year olds “….it’s a rare five year old who’s ready to do very much paper-and-pencil work at a desk, and a six year old who hasn’t done a formal kindergarten program can easily begin first-grade work.”
”Kindergarten for four year olds accomplishes even less.  Most four year olds have microscopic attention spans, immature hand-eye coordination, and a bad case of the wiggles.”
”In about thirty minutes per day, you can teach your child beginning reading, writing, and math concepts, all without workbooks or teacher’s manuals.” (page 30).		 Waldorf Kindergarten does not focus on reading or writing or math per say at this early age, but strives to lay healthy foundations for these subjects through a variety of sensory and practical life experiences for when the student is ready for academic work in Grade One.  Each year of Kindergarten the student has more complex stories, projects and responsibilities.

Students in Waldorf kindergarten certainly do learn colors, shapes, things such as above, below, on, weights and measurements, pre-mathematical literacy.  Some Waldorf Kindergarteners can read if they have taught themselves, but the focus really is on the BODY at this young age.
Reading for four and five year olds “You should continue to immerse four and five year olds in language, just as you’ve been doing since birth.  Read with them in the “real world”….Get them books on tape…….Susan’s three year old and five year old listened to all of Kipling’s Just So Stories, the original Jungle Book, all of Edith Nesbit’s books, The Chronicles of Narnia, Barrie’s densely written Peter Pan…….” (page 32) Steiner believed children of this age should be in their bodies and reading should come later.The stories mentioned in the WTM quote to the left are wonderful works of literature, but included much later in the Waldorf curriculum at a time when those types of stories would be seen as speaking to a child….A child under the age of seven is living in a world of connection and oneness with things, and stories with strong protagonists the child can identify with (as opposed to the archetypal figures of fairy tales), do not come in until later.
Method of teaching reading for four and five year olds Recommends “The Ordinary Parent’s Guide to Teaching Reading, by Jessie Wise, contains clear step-by-step instructions on how to teach reading from the very beginning stages, starting with letter sounds and moving systematically through blending sounds into reading real words and sentences.” (page 33)
”Remember, you want the child to read quickly, easily, and early.  Many children are ready to read long before they have the muscular coordination to write.  Why delay reading until the muscles of the hand and eye catch up?” (page 38)		 Live singing, live music, storytelling, drama, all lay a strong foundation for language literacyAnd for the record, Waldorf does not teach reading through a strictly phonetic approach where the child must read three letter words with only short “A” in them to start – the Waldorf approach to reading is whole word, whole language with the letter sounds included.  See below.  The letter sounds are introduced in First Grade, with letter emphasis on word families and reading from the written word of things the child knows very well – songs and verses
Math for four and five year olds Real world math, and “your public library should have a colorful selection of kindergarten-level math books- easy problems worked out with photographed objects.  Get a book every week, and read through it.” See above.

Steiner recommended rapid introduction to the numbers in the First Grade with rapid transition into introducing all four math processes.
Science for the four and five year old “You can supplement beginning reading, writing, and math by doing a science experiment once or twice a week; more formal science study isn’t necessary at this age.” The child is considered from a developmental standpoint  one with nature; the connection between nature and the child is fostered through outside time, building with natural materials, preparing for festivals, reverence for living things
Art and Music Not mentioned The child has a variety of musical and  artistic experiences through wet-on-wet watercolor painting, modeling, play outside with natural materials, music with lyre, singing, Circle Time throughout the day
Gross Motor Skills not mentioned Continually fostered through almost every activity in the kindergarten, including very active Circle times and outside time where building with natural materials is encouraged, nature walks of longer duration
Practical Life Skills not mentioned Fostered through preparation of snack, bread making, gardening, wood working, housekeeping and other experiences
Spirituality Not mentioned in preschool section; mentioned on page 204 as part of Grades section.  “Education cannot be neutral when it comes to faith; it is either supportive or destructive.  The topic of education is humanity, its accomplishments, its discoveries, its savage treatment of its own kind, its willingness to endure self-sacrifice.  And you cannot learn- or teach- about humanity without considering God.” The child is assumed to be a spiritual being from a spiritual place; reverence is instilled through verses and songs, preparation for festivals, gardening and being outside daily in all kinds of weather
The festivals celebrated often have a Christian-Judeo background, but all the world religions are taught within the curriculum throughout the years.   For more information please see post entitled “Refreshed and Renewed.”
Emphasis on Rhythm, Protection of the 12 Senses Not mentioned Very unique to Waldorf and seen as vital to a child’s health – there are many posts on this blog about rhythm!

Protection is a big factor within the early years, with repetition and reverence being hallmarks toward that, along with warmth of the teacher, warm foods, warmth in  the  environment
The role of the teacher  I couldn’t find any direct quotes really, perhaps someone else more familiar with this work can? “Children are entrusted to us for their education.  They are a sacred trust we receive.” (From Soul Economy). 
The view of the child’s academic ability To be filled by the teacher through exposure to print books, to audio books, to concepts and counting The teacher is a guide, an observer and a leader in setting rhythm and health as the child’s development and maturation unfolds.

 

 

As you can see, Waldorf and The Well-Trained Mind have very different premises about what the young child needs in the early years for future health and academic success, although there is brief  overlap on such things as limiting media exposure.  However, the things Waldorf views as most important for the small child – less words, more singing, music, oral stories, outside time, getting children in their bodies, rhythm, protection of the senses, REPETITION of the same stories and things is wanted and promoted – is not even mentioned by The Well-Trained Mind.

They are just very different approaches, in my opinion.  As Melisa Nielsen says, TWTM is a wonderful product if that is the way you want to go.  My addition to this thought though is to make sure this is the way you want to go, the way you see your homeschooling experience reflecting your values and priorities for your child.

Food for thought,

Carrie

More Inspiration for Teaching from Steiner’s “Human Values in Education.”

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Yes, more from what I am reading.  On page 55, this passage made me stop and think:

We see the higher processes abstracted in all the lower stages of the process.  An imponderable relationship arises between you and the students; and the children make real progress in their education as long as you do not get the idea that they are ignorant and you are clever; you must stand before the children, aware that this is a fact in the world, and that you are leading them to believe in something that you yourself believe with all your heart.”

There is the heart of the matter.  Do you believe a child under the age of 7 can benefit by NOT doing academics at this point?  Do you believe a child of the age of 7 needs to approach things through art, music and imagination?  Do you believe in the value of the fairy tales for a 7 year old – that this is what they need for their development of their soul, to see that good always overcomes?  Do you believe that an 8 year old needs to see the  duality of man through the Saints – people who did other worldly things- and the trickster tales?  Do you believe a child in the throes of the 9 year old change needs to hear about the relationship of man to authority in Old Testament stories?

If you don’t believe, what is attracting you to Waldorf?  Why are you considering this for your child’s education?  What healing needs to be done in you so you can teach this and truly believe?

If these questions are difficult, perhaps a one-on-one consultation with one of the nationally known Waldorf consultants could be of assistance to you.  See a list to pick from here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/03/waldorf-consultants/

Your children deserve your authenticity and exploration into this matter!

Peaceful journeying to you,

Carrie