Discipline for the Four-Year-Old

Challenges with the four-year-old has come up on three separate lists I am on, so I tried to round up some helpful posts for you all:

The ever-popular “defiance” post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/16/a-few-fast-words-regarding-defiance-in-children-under-the-age-of-6/

Gentle Discipline:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/16/gentle-discipline-as-authentic-leadership/

“Command, Don’t Demand” – not sure why the permalink says what it says:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/20/getting-past-fear/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/22/developing-healthy-boundaries/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/26/big-tools-for-the-big-picture/

A good read for many of you trying to replace another parenting style with gentle discipline:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/29/top-10-must-have-tools-for-gentle-discipline/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/16/irritation-points-for-parents-of-children-birth-age-4/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/30/help-my-child-doesnt-seem-to-know-right-from-wrong/

Here are some very specific to the four-year-old:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/09/more-about-social-experiences-for-the-four-year-old/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/05/realistic-expectations-for-the-four-year-old/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/05/parenting-the-high-needs-older-child/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/03/more-about-the-four-year-old/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/28/realistic-expectations-day-number-ten-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-mother/

Scroll down to the end for some tips of how to handle the four-year-old year:

Peaceful Life With A Four-Year-Old

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/04/fantastic-four-year-old/

Thanks,

Carrie

Children, Chores, Housecleaning and Homeschooling

This post  is for my dear friend Andrea, and also for Molly, who asked in the comment section of this post (https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/03/this-week-in-our-december-waldorf-homeschool/#comments) when and how I got housecleaning, baby care, dog care done with homeschooling.

Great question!  Many of you know I have an eight-week-old, so the answer is this:

One person cannot do everything.

There has to be priorities.  I have been involved with La Leche League for years, and one of the things I have heard repeatedly is “people before things.”

You cannot homeschool and do beautiful main lessons and extra lessons, tend to a nursing baby, cook everything from scratch, make all your children’s clothes, tend to yourself and your husband – and do it all and not be crazy!

Forging close and intimate connections with your children, rediscovering the creativity from a child’s perspective, having the time to play a board game with that eight-year-old, being outside with a preschooler learning to ride a bike,  all takes time.  Children are only small once.  Yes, things still have to “get done”, but we also need to realize this period of time is a SEASON.  It will not be this way forever.  I love gardening, cooking, baking, needle felting and I love my house to be clean – but warm connection with my children is more important right now than those things.  This can be very difficult for those of us who are used to doing everything by hand and having everything a certain way!  Do not treat your children as if they are an intrusion in your work; treat them as the precious gifts they are!

I detailed my housecleaning routine here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/11/housecleaning-and-homeschooling/

and will be happy to tell you where I am now:

My morning routine is essentially to grab a fast shower if I didn’t take one the night before, cook a warm breakfast for everyone, throw laundry in and then either run the vacuum cleaner or clean the bathrooms (and if the baby is in the sling it may not be me getting down on my hands and knees to scrub the bathroom  floor!)

We typically go outside and go for a walk or a bike ride and jump rope and then come in and start school.  We then come in and prepare a snack.  School begins and we work in increments of about 20 to 30 minutes and take breaks where the children play and I either make food for lunch or dinner ahead of time or switch laundry or do diaper changes.  After school is finished, before lunch and quiet time, we pick up any toys that are on the floor and clean up the school room.  After lunch and quiet time is when we do any other focused chores (see original housecleaning/homeschooling post).  I plan in preparation time before dinner where we clean up the house again and also prepare food.  We have been home a lot, so we are here and can work slowly and stop with these breaks and be okay with that.  I am also lucky in that my husband is generally home at night and can help with dinner dishes and anything else I really need.  In fact, I am really lucky this month as he has a whole four weeks of paid paternity leave right now!

Baby care happens all the time – the baby usually falls asleep in the sling during our morning movement, and then sometimes he stays in the sling or I can put him down in the co-sleeper for a nap.  He usually takes another nap late morning in  my lap whilst I am homeschooling.  After lunch, we lay down together for another nap and then he takes his fourth nap somewhere in the later afternoon (many times the children are  playing outside in the yard by then).  Some days he is awake a lot of the day, some days he is growing and sleeping a lot.  He nurses on demand, and tends to fall asleep fairly early at night.   We co-sleep, and I try to go to bed by nine so I can be refreshed the next day.  Nursing at night does not usually wake me up, and we may get up once or twice to change diapers but usually he goes right back to sleep after that.  This season will pass, and we will soon be into a more mobile, teeth-getting stage that I am sure will be more challenging.  But, having a basic rhythm  really does help at this point.  Temperament also plays into it as he is a fairly laid-back little guy.  He is held most of the time 🙂 because he will only be this little once and I so love him!

The dog gets walked every night by my husband (she used to get walked by the kids and I in the morning as well, and we will go back to that once the baby is bigger).  I have the kids clicker train her during some of the breaks, and she plays in all the kids’ games (which sometimes involves her getting dressed up in tutus, poor dog!)

The main thing is to not get too excited about it all, it will all get done eventually.  One has to be patient and realize that again, this is a season, it won’t be like this forever and it is okay that  things take longer than before.

The other things that have helped me include the following:

  • To have my children have an early bedtime.  The time after they go to bed is the time I do any last minute cleaning up, folding of laundry, gathering things for homeschool the next day. 
  • To have a quiet time after lunch.  When you homeschool and are with your children all day long, it can become important to have some space and a little break mid-day.
  • To build in time of cleaning up throughout the day, and to generally think ahead regarding food preparation.
  • To really consider what is absolutely essential – for me, it makes me crazy to have things not picked up.  My flat surfaces have to be cleaned up.  The bathrooms can’t be dirty and there cannot be mounds of dishes in the kitchen sink.  So those things are top priority so I can function.
  • Enlist help. Don’t be afraid to ask your spouse to help you, and don’t feel resentful that he cannot read your mind and know what you want done!
  • Less is more. Rotate the toys and don’t put so many out.  Limit access to art supplies that require your assistance.
  • Work in small chunks of time that have stopping points.
  • Keep in mind realistic expectations for each age.  Children under age 7 typically need more than a verbal directive to do something; you usually need to be there to physically help as well.  Don’t verbally ask them to do something while you do something else and then become frustrated they are not doing what you asked!  At the same time, repetition builds habit so do involve your children!

Just a few thoughts,

Carrie

A Frugal Window Star

This is a beautiful and frugal transparent window star!  Check it out!

http://forrestdweller.blogspot.com/2009/12/folded-transparent-stars.html

I would never have thought to make a window star out of wax paper, would you? 

Lovely!

Carrie

Santa Lucia Day in the Waldorf Home

This is another one of my favorite Winter Holidays.  Santa Lucia Day is on December 13th and celebrates the life of Saint Lucy and light for the longest night of the year (under the old Gregorian calendar this was the Winter Solstice).  This day usually begins before dawn, with the oldest girl in the family rising to make St. Lucia buns (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lussekatt) and bring these to her parents. She typically wears white, sometimes with a red sash and a wreath of candles on her head.  Other girls in the family are dressed in white as attendants and the boys are dressed as “star boys” with pointy star hats. I believe in many Scandinavian countries this day  begins the Christmas season.

Some stories say Lucia was known as a medieval saint who brought food and drink to a province of Sweden during a period of famine.  Other stories point out the Sicilian origins of Lucy and tell  how she brought food to the poor souls living in the catacombs.  At any rate, Santa Lucia is seen as a symbol of hope and light during the dark of Winter, and her day is still celebrated in Scandinavian countries, Italy and other countries today.  Wikipedia has a pretty good entry about this day here:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Lucy%27s_Day

There is a traditional Swedish song associated with Santa Lucia Days and you can see one English translation here: http://www.mamalisa.com/blog/santa-lucia-day-song-and-saying-why-its-a-festival-of-light/

There are also many YouTube videos of the Santa Lucia Day public processions.  Here is one: 

 

Some simple ways to celebrate:

Make buns of course! Here is the recipe I use, although not traditional due to the lack of saffron:

1 cup warm water

1 tablespoon yeast

1 tablespoon turmeric for color

Stir all of these things together in a large bowl.

Add

1/2 cup sugar

2 eggs , beaten

1 teaspoon salt

2 to 4 cups of flour to make a soft dough

Knead; keep the dough on the soft side.  Add currents or raisins if you like those.  Shape into S shaped buns, let rise until doubled and then bake at 400 degrees until golden.  Once cooled, you can frost them or just eat with honey butter.

More resources:

Check out some of the ideas here:http://storybookwoods.typepad.com/storybook_woods/2008/12/saint-lucia-unit.html

How about these adorable Santa Lucia dolls?  These are so cute!  http://rosylittlethings.typepad.com/posie_gets_cozy/2006/12/santa_lucia_dol.html 

Happy day!

Carrie

Cultivating The Ability To Stay Home: The Inner Work of Advent

Usually a post on this topic causes a response to well up inside one’s soul, either because it is an area one feels passionate about or it is an area of intense difficulty and challenge.  I wrote about this awhile back in this post:     https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/15/but-when-i-stay-homeeverything-falls-apart/ and feel it is time to examine this issue again.

In the Early Years of Waldorf, the years some would call “Waldorf Preschool” and “Waldorf Kindergarten”, a child should be firmly entrenched in the home.  A typical parent in today’s society equates exposing their child to lots of different places and things in the Early Years to further developed language skills, social skills and other Advanced Things.

I would like to put forth something different.

What if this beautifully enriching environment could be your own home?  A beautiful, peaceful place of rhythm, of oral storytelling and singing, of artistic endeavors, of outside time in nature?

It can be, but it requires work on your part.  It requires careful evaluation of outside activities and the ability to say “no”, which is often difficult.  It also involves coming to terms with the idea that your child is not missing something but not being involved in ice skating lessons, art classes, choir practice, drama, soccer all at one time.

Someone wrote regarding my post on “Hopeless With Waldorf” (https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/12/hopeless-with-waldorf/)  that they could not believe I advocated for no classes, no playgroups  for a four-year-old.  I have discussed playgroups at length on this blog – I do believe  that most  playdates (which typically are playgroups)  are usually more for the parent than the child at any age under four and a half, and that even ages four and a half, five and six are often rocky ages for friendships.  Reading any text on normal child development for these ages will point this out.    The best socialization for a child of these early ages is still with the family, and then perhaps a one on one playdate in a natural area that begins with a structured activity and then progresses to free play where parents are involved in watching their children and helping their children socially “work things out”.  If a mother needs support due to being under parenting stress and such, and that occurs at a playgroup, then I would say I am for that – anything that provides the mother support so she can make a comfortable home for herself, her spouse and her children, but to weigh that with how the child behaves after a playgroup and to work with that and be responsive to that.

In many areas, there are many, many options available for homeschoolers.  In my large metropolitan area, there are all kinds of classes for homeschoolers – art, music, academic classes, homeschool sports, and the list goes on.  All of it sounds wonderful, but often requires further investigation.  First of all, because we are Waldorf homeschoolers, often the classes for the Early Years are pushing academics or things that just come later in the curriculum. We must evaluate if this is okay and valid, or not worthy at this point.

We must also look at the impact of being outside of our homes many days of the week for activities on top of  going to a co-op or grocery store and running errands if we must bring our children to these places as well.  Weekends may also involve going out to church or somewhere else.

I am not an advocate of isolation, I am far too social  and extroverted myself for that!    But, if you can spend the majority of your days at home you will notice your days relaxing into a flow, your children being able to find something to do without you directing it, and your children will stop asking you, “Where are we going today?”

If we can nurture the ability of the child to have balance, to be able to rest after lunch and go to bed early, to be comfortable being by oneself and yes, later in a group, then we are working toward Balance.  There are so many children that are over-stimulated at an early age by classes and activities they really do not know how to be alone, how to create their own play and how to be comfortable alone.

This is also important practice for moving into the Grades for homeschooling, where one needs to be home to accomplish academic work.  A Main Lesson plus other extra lessons can take at least part of the morning, and if one has multiple children to homeschool, the entire morning and even the early part of the afternoon may be needed to finish (especially as one moves up in the grades!)  For the Early Years and even the Early Grades, it is also  important the child has unhurried time in nature and for free play, for their own pursuits.  This is an extreme advantage of homeschooling, but often one area parents must work to take advantage of.

As this year comes to a close and the New Year begins, I urge you to look at and list your outside commitments and see if all are necessary or how you could free up more time just to be home.  On the flip side, if you are home all the time and you have older children who now do need to go a few places and have friendships that have become very important, I urge you to look how you could accomplish that and nurture that.  Friendships become important, and as homeschoolers, we often have to work to have opportunities to meet with other like-minded families.  The world does open up, and an older child should be going to the museum and doing some things outside of the home. Now is the time!

Happy meditating on this important subject,

Carrie

Wreaths Across America

 

CHRISTMAS AT  ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY –This was sent to me by my dad.  Thanks Dad!

Arlington National Cemetery

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Rest easy, sleep well my brothers.

Know the line has held, your job is done.

Rest easy, sleep well.

Others have taken up where you fell, the line has held.

Peace, peace, and farewell…

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Readers may be interested to know that these wreaths — some 5,000 — are donated by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine . The owner, Morill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well. He’s done this since 1992. A wonderful guy. Also, most years, groups of Maine school kids combine an educational trip to DC with this event to help out. Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one of the poorest parts of the state.

Here is a link on the Worcester Wreath Company about their involvement in the Wreaths Across America program: http://www.worcesterwreath.com/News/ 

I don’t know if any anyone out there orders a wreath for the holidays or not, but please consider ordering one from this company or ordering a wreath on behalf of a deceased veteran here:  http://wreathsacrossamerica.org/.  It looks like now there are places in all 50 states where wreaths are placed.

Thank you, Morrill Worcester, and the Wreaths Across America program for your service to our deceased veterans. 

Many blessings,

Carrie

“Warmth, Strength and Freedom” by Mary Kelly Sutton

This was a wonderful article by anthroposophic physician Mary Kelly Sutton.  I have permission to re-print it here from the owner of the Greentaramama group where I first saw it –  the list owner has a wonderful store to buy children’s woolens and silks by the way.  Here is the link to that store: http://www.greenmountainorganics.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=6
Thank you Michelle for this article and your store!
“““““““““““
WARMTH, STRENGTH, AND FREEDOM
There are times when I sound more like a grandmother than a doctor in
advising families how to be healthy. ‘Dress warmly!’ ‘Eat a good
breakfast!’ ‘Get to bed early!’ ‘Let your body fight its own colds!’
But each of this advisories is powerful, no matter how simple it
sounds.
WARMTH
Warmth is related to the element fire. All the other elements —
earth, air, water — are easily bounded. Warmth goes through
boundaries. This is no surprise when you think of the love (emotional
warmth/fire) you feel for your children. Nothing stops it. (That is
why you are reading this.)
Healthy human beings have a rhythmic body temperature of approximately
98.6, slightly lower in morning than evening. Cold is a stress for the
body. Touch your child’s fingers and toes — with your own warm hand.
(If your hand is cool/cold, first warm it up.) Then feel other parts:
the trunk, front and back, abdomen, forehead, chest. The fingers and
toes should be as warm as the warmest part of the body. If they are
not, the child is dealing with cold stress, and you can help him/her a
great deal by changing the clothing so that fingers and toes become as
warm as they should be. Shunting blood away from the extremities is a
survival mechanism in the body. It protects the vital organs (heart,
lungs, liver, kidneys).
Cold stress can make children overactive, in an effort to warm up.
Warm clothing allows them to settle down, join in group activity,
focus and learn.
In some children coldness interferes with normal weight gain. I have
seen one wiry 5-year-old in New Hampshire who gained two pounds in the
first week her mother put her in wool underwear.
Runny noses commonly are related to coldness. And coldness is a
significant factor in more important immune suppression in a very
significant way. ‘The skin is the proper place for disease to happen,’
states an old holistic medicine pearl. If the skin is cool, the battle
with a common germ cannot be waged on the skin. The blood has gone
into
the deeper organs, and with it, the battle is carried to deeper
organs. This is an important way that complications happen from
common illnesses, such as a cold or chicken pox. In medical school, I
first saw in my Internal Medicine textbook, that chickenpox
encephalitis commonly occurs when there are very few pox on the body.
The
inflammation does little damage on the skin, but can do a great deal
of damage in a deeper organ. Keeping the skin warm keeps the battle
with a germ where it is safe for the body. I have heard a German
pediatrician describe how he recommends to parents of children with
measles that the parent rub the calves with dry terry cloth until the
calves are pink. This over-warming action draws the circulation to the
surface, and pulls
the battle with the germ to a safe place, outward and downward, away
from vital organs.
This principle can be applied in daily life simply by dressing warmly,
and being attentive to the warmth of our children’s extremities. We
both prevent illnesses, and keep their course uncomplicated if they
occur, by having warm extremities.
Physical warmth is an early sense for the newborn baby, along with
smell, taste, and hearing. But the child does not sense temperature
accurately until about age 9. You are not surprised when a toddler
runs around the house naked, and older kids and adults are reaching
for shoes and sweaters. We have all seen this. In New Hampshire, the
kindergarteners rush into the lakes on Memorial Day, and the third
graders look at them like ‘what’s wrong with you!?’
So you, the parent, must decide what is the right clothing for the
young person you are responsible for. Don’t ASK the young child ‘what
do you want to wear?’ This question is appropriate at times for an
older child, but it is scary for a young child to be the one making a
decision in the presence of an adult. It is hard in our culture NOT to
ask our
children what they want, because we hear it so commonly. I remember
falling into this and asking my 5 yr old son what t-shirt he wanted,
and he looked at me and said ‘I don’t know. You’re the mommy!’ So
often our kids show us what we should have known. Be willing to BE the
Mommy or the Daddy. Make the decision about the clothes you feel are
right for the climate, and say with surety: ‘Here’s your undershirt
and top, your tights and skirt. Let’s get dressed. You’re set for a
wonderful day!’ Your authority is their security. Their strength is
modeled after yours, so give them a strong, insightful, kind authority
figure.
But what to wear, if hands and feet are cold? The rule I’ve used in
New Hampshire is to begin with is three layers on the top with one
tucked in, and two layers on the bottom. One of these should be like a
second skin, closely investing the body, not baggy. This means long
underwear, or tights, or at the very least an undershirt. If the child
is sweaty,
take off a layer. If the child is still cool to touch, change to a
warmer fabric. Natural fabrics breathe best: cotton, silk, and wool.
Down does not breathe, nor do synthetics generally, so body heat is
trapped if the person is overdressed. Cotton can be both cooling and
warming, and is good for hot countries and Arizona summers. Silk is
more warming, then wool-silk, and wool is warmest. A source for
children’s long underwear is: www.greenmountainorganics.com
A helpful image to use is that foxes and rabbits grow fur, thicker in
the winter than the summer. We didn’t — so we have to put on our fur
to be able to run around outside like foxes and rabbits in the winter.
Hats, gloves, sox are all part of the fur we didn’t grow. Clothed
well, we have new freedom to move outdoors. Long underwear in some
seasons
eliminates the need for bulky outerwear, and movement is less
restrained.
So you have the knowledge of WHAT to do, and are confident in your
authority as a parent being the best thing for them. Then life
happens. The child is simultaneously developing his will, so a
wonderful opportunity comes for the child to say ‘NO!!’ to any
parental statement, including clothes. This requires tact, cleverness,
determination —
every adult attribute in the book. Don’t rush into action. Wait,
watch, assess, and plan HOW to do this thing you know is good for your
kids. A young girl may need stylish (warm) tights or long johns that
you have seen ballerinas wear, because, after all, their leg muscles
dance more beautifully if they are warm. A fierce 4-year-old warrior
may need a swashbuckling (warm) pirate muscle shirt, leggings, and
sash, with a story of how to stand and walk like a pirate as they are
put on. A two year old may just need a chase around the room, a
friendly capture, and a lot of loving contact as he/she is poured into
warm layers. Some children will need to know you consider this so
important that favorite activities are actually dependent on dressing
correctly, or that some other consequence is incurred. And then, you
must stick to your word. Because if you don’t really stay home from
sledding because the long underwear couldn’t go on when you said it
must, then maybe you won’t really follow through on all the promises
of love you have made. The child’s mind is consistent even though it
is not fully conscious. It is better not to threaten a consequence
unless you are one hundred per cent ready to carry it out. Your word
is your word, whether it is spoken as lawgiver, or pledging love
forever.
There is no virtue to overdressing. July in southern Arizona is not
the time to insist on the 3-on-top and 2-on-the bottom. The way to
make the decision at any time is to feel the child’s fingers and toes,
rather than to abstractly apply a rule.
BREAKFAST
Eat protein generously at breakfast. (Breakfast like a king, lunch
like a prince, supper like a pauper, the saying goes — and it can be
changed to the other gender: queen, princess, bag lady.) Protein at
breakfast stabilizes the blood sugar for the whole day. (Lunch protein
cannot do the same job; the window of opportunity is past.) EVERYONE
has better co-ordination, endurance, moods, and ability to learn.
Options: eggs of any sort, cottage cheese blintzes, smoothies with
protein powder (preferably not soy), grilled cheese sandwiches,
cheeseburgers, chicken tenders, fish fillets.
(I had great success with my teenage boys telling them they would not
get a ride to school unless they ate breakfast. We lived 4 blocks from
school. They complained, they ate, I drove. As they got older and were
driving themselves, occasionally, they would wake up so late, they
would eat very little. I would just say ‘do the best you can,’ letting
them know what I think is important, but that I trust them. No rule
can substitute for human judgment, and older kids need some freedom to
vary from house rules and learn from life and how they feel; trust
your instinct and love for them in choosing an approach.)
REST AND RHYTHM
Machines are either on or off independent of environment usually,
while living beings have rhythms, gentle alternations of activity and
rest, breathing in and breathing out, that are fundamentally tied to
the Sun. Every Waldorf kindergarden teacher works very consciously to
provide focused activity, then free play or outdoors time. In this
way, the
child is carried through the day harmoniously, with the least
exhaustion, the least likelihood of overload or eventual illness. And
the greatest chance for unfolding his/her human potential creatively.
Our physical make-up is tied to the sun’s movement, light and dark.
The biorhythms of enzymes and hormones follow the diurnal (daily light
and dark) rhythm, even if we work night shift. Bigger rhythms of month
and year and lifetime are present, and more being discovered.
If we live in sync with the way our body is designed, we will have the
greatest health. For children, whose task is to grow and to learn,
this means regular waking, rest, and sleeping times, and regular
mealtimes. Like the gradual change of seasons brings gradual change of
light, we need not be rigid, but in general have a few anchors in the
day that are
constant. Most important are bedtime and breakfast time, in my
experience.
The hours before midnight are the most restorative. So for an adult,
eight hours sleep beginning at 9 pm is more valuable than eight hours
beginning at midnight. A child needs more sleep, in varying amounts at
different ages, and sometimes differing from one child to the next.
The younger the child, the earlier the bedtime. poem A well-slept
child
generally will awaken spontaneously and be happy. If the child is very
difficult to arouse or repeatedly grumpy, the bedtime should be nudged
earlier until a better morning experience is seen. In adolescence, the
cycle shifts later, and the average sleep need is nine hours and
fifteen minutes daily. Since high schools often start very early in
the
morning, a significant stress is unavoidably part of the school week
for adolescents.
Lavender oil as massage, or fragrance on bedclothing, or as warm bath
as part of bedtime ritual, is very helpful for those children who tend
to be alert at bedtime. The bedtime ritual is wonderful to begin with
very young children, as a habit of letting go develops, leading to
sound sleep, and being secure enough to sleep alone. The ritual can
include
bath, story, tuck-in, prayer, kiss with calm ‘sleep tight. love you.
see you in the morning.’ The young child’s ritualistic approach to
life is hierarchical by nature, with Mommy and Daddy all-powerful in
his/her young eyes. The natural order of the world at this age can
readily include God or Higher Power and Angels or Guardian spirits and
be of value to the child’s sense of order and security in the world.
Later, when the nine-year-change comes, and a child senses deeply his
separateness from his parents, the early images of God and higher
beings protecting and guiding his daily actions and sleep can be
reassuring in facing this first big realization of separateness.
A light supper, with little protein or completely vegetarian, helps
sleep come easily. Remember, we want to wake up with an appetite for
breakfast, the foundation meal of the day’s activities, so it’s best
not to overload at night. Time-honored warm milk is a fine
sleep-inducer. Carbohydrates are sleepy foods, while protein, fat,
salt, and caffeine
tend to wake us up.
Almost all children are born with some tendency to one-sidedness, and
our task as parents is to help them find balance. The rhythm of the
day shows whether it is hard for our youngster to settle down, or hard
to get up and move about, and we can help bring about comfort with
both sides of movement, etc.
Should a child have difficulty waking up in the morning, even after
enough hours of sleep, rosemary lotion in cool water is an
invigorating fragrance and can be applied to the face (forehead, then
cheeks) carefully with a damp cloth to bring alertness. A positive
statement about the day ahead is an important medicine in this
treatment: ‘good morning! what has that robin done outside your window
since yesterday? I have a wonderful breakfast ready for you! rise and
shine! what a wonderful day it is!’
THE COMMON COLD, THE USUAL CHILDHOOD ILLNESSES
Recognize acute illness as an exercise class for the immune system,
and treat in a non-suppressive way. It is not a sign of immune
breakdown, it is a chance for strengthening. The big three to help the
body do its best in fighting acute illness are: WARMTH, REST, and
CLEANSING. Add a few low potency homeopathic remedies and herbs, and
you can support the body in this important immune work, not simply
suppress symptoms. See
separate writing for detailed treatments. person as medicine
CHILD DEVELOPMENT
All of these advisories support VEGETATIVE functions, the unconscious
health-giving parts of a human being that are the bank account we draw
on for growth, learning, and later, our work in life. (This vegetative
bank account is also called the etheric forces in anthroposophic
medical terminology. As adults, the strength of our etheric body
manifests as our vitality, our ability to recover, to have energy, or
to endure.) A child’s job is to grow, and to learn things appropriate
to his/her age. With a strong foundation of warmth, nutrition, rest,
rhythm, immune exercise from ordinary acute illness if the body in its
wisdom allows it — the child’s optimal development proceeds, and a
strong physical
foundation is laid for the entire adult life. The vegetative functions
are sometimes characterized by the cow, who is mostly a metabolic
creature, chewing, making milk, sitting and walking and lying down. No
executive tendencies here, nor highly developed sense organs. A
masterful vegetative existence.
The other pole of the human being, opposite the vegetative, is the
CONSCIOUS pole. The parent (or teacher) does this work in the child’s
life, so the child does not have to draw on the bank account of
vegetative forces by making decisions too early. Judgment, analysis,
logic, decision-making are characterized by the far-seeing eagle,
whose highly developed sense capacity is combined with the cunning and
decisive movement of a predator, a majestic lord of the skies.
As parents of young children (1-7 yr old), you are protectors of the
cow-nature, the vegetative foundation, which your child will use
throughout his/her life. As enormous physical growth takes place, the
child uses limbs and explores movement thoroughly. The child is
imitative, copying the way Daddy sits with the newspaper, or insisting
Mommy sit at only her right place at the table, like a learned ritual
the child has mastered. This physical life is accompanied by a mental
connection with images, not reason. Thus the love of bedtime stories,
preferably told, not read, and repeated till every beloved detail is
memorized. Also you find the young child’s questions more
satisfactorily met by a picture than an analytic explanation. Some
questions can even be better avoided, if they are asking for adult
information. But you can always comment ‘What a wonderful mind you
have! You ask such wonderful questions! Let’s get your teddy bear next
to you for nap/lunch.’ The child has made contact, you have responded
lovingly and appropriately.
You see that spark, the flashes of individuality that is waiting to
show itself fully. Your wisdom holds the child’s day steady, rhythmic,
fed and bedded, building the strength of the vegetative side of your
eagle-to-be. It requires trust and patience to let the child unfold in
his/her own time, and not call on adolescent or adult qualities too
early. This time of life can be boring for parents, who have full
adult capacities and thrive on change and excitement, not routine.
Your sacrifice is commendable. Parenting is among the hardest jobs
there are, and each stage of childhood gives parents an opportunity
for a
different form of selflessness.
The heart of childhood is 7-14 yr old, when a respect for worthy
authority is natural, and feeling opens for beauty itself in the world
around. More than vegetative support is required now. The lion’s heart
of courage and strength must be met, with stories of the same, and
exposure to real artistic expression so the beginning of the moral
nature is fed with the beauty and strength it is seeking. This is
often the age of the least illness, and the most harmonious time of
childhood.
But change comes, and the young Philadelphia lawyer casts a disgusted
glance at the parents who have brought him/her thus far — usually
some time around 8th grade. The eagle’s predatory power is evident. No
more contented baby learning movement and the physical world, nor
sweet-natured heartfelt child growing before your eyes. The intellect
is unfolding, and the first object of critical analysis is often the
parents. It’s good timing that powers of judgment and analysis begin
to unfold just as puberty begins. Let the intellect’s sharp powers
master the hormones that rage. From 14-21, the individuality is more
pronounced, decision making should be shared and guided in preparation
for independence. Privacy is important. Learning results of choices,
such as wise consequences in the home, helps put control of behavior
inside the individual.
The wise ‘governance’ of a child goes in stages somewhat like human
history has evolved. The young child is benefited by a benign despot,
the loving parental authority; in the middle years, the child natively
respects authority, but has a developing sense of contributing his/her
wants and needs though not ready for independent decision making;
democracy is built into the adolescent, and the parent gives the
structure of what is or isn’t tolerated by virtue of a structure of
consequences.
The stages of development are given at their usual ages, but there
will be early hints of what is to come and echoes of prior times
varying with each individual. Behaviors I described may be different
due to the family dynamic, or the particular learning path the
individual child carries as part of his/her destiny, or our culture.
The culture we live in pushes adult information into even the very
young child’s life — computers and IQ testing are part of some
preschool programs. Adult decisions are often part of the oldest or
the only child’s daily diet of conversation. Sexualized clothing and
media surround children of every age, and give parents a challenge to
minimize this early maturation influence. Early intellectualizing and
early sexual information pulls the young child out of the vegetative
physical mode that is home for him or her, and spends the child’s
etheric forces on coping and understanding rather than physical
growth.
****************************************
As nuclear families rear children alone in today’s culture,
grandmothers are hard to come by. The pediatrician and family doctor
assume the role that aunts and grandmothers had in helping with
illness and childrearing. But the swap medicalizes common events, and
we take a further step down the pharmaceutical-answer-for-everything
road.
I hope this work can reawaken faith in the capacity of the human body,
enlarged with the scientific understanding that shows why this faith
is reasonable, reconnect us with the healing gifts of nature as they
are enhanced with human insight and become remedies,
and show through the caring for our children, the presence and power
of the human spirit.
Mary Kelley Sutton

__._,_.___

Coming to Waldorf Late?

Here are some back posts to assist you:

Why Waldorf?:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/06/wonderful-waldorf/

Rhythm: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/13/baby-steps-to-waldorf-rhythm/

Rhythm and Sleep: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/13/a-waldorf-inspired-view-of-sleep/  and here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/14/part-two-of-a-waldorf-inspired-view-of-sleep/

 🙂  General Waldorf Guilt: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/12/hopeless-with-waldorf/

Grades One Through Three: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/04/the-wonder-years-waldorf-homeschooling-grades-one-through-three/

Suggestions for if you are worried it is too late to come to Waldorfhttps://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/14/is-it-too-late/

Multiple Children and Waldorfhttps://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/05/homeschooling-multiple-children-with-waldorf/

General Waldorf, sadly Lovey has taken down her blog so the link in this post doesn’t work, but still a good post I think:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/04/the-heart-of-waldorf-homeschooling/

At least that is a start; you can also try the tags section for specific grades, rhythm, festivals and more.

Thanks for reading,

Carrie

This Week in our December Waldorf Homeschool

This is the quick snapshot peek into our recent days with our Second Grader, Kindergartner and seven-week-old:

On Monday, we got up and went for a walk.  My almost five year old can now ride a two-wheeled bike all by herself and is excited about trying this out each and every day!  We came home to jump rope to jumping rhymes and snack.  Then I took out my flute and we did a little circle for Advent tailored to my Kindergartner and I told the story, “The White Bird”.  Then we launched into my second grader’s Main Lesson, which really was a combination of Math from November that we are a bit behind on with a new baby in the house and Language Arts for December. The Math Lesson we did was review of some times tables through movement, and then we did the story and freehand drawing for the sixes times table from Dorothy Harrer’s  math lessons book.  This lesson is about a King and his six sons  living in a six-sided kingdom and the drawing progresses from a hexagon to a six-pointed star to finding the triangles within the hexagon-star.  Each of the colors used in this drawing relates back to certain soul qualities and was exceptionally lovely (This lesson is copyrighted or I would share more, but it was beautiful!).  Then my second grader copied a poem about Winter into her Poetry Main Lesson Book after we stood up and recited it together.  After that, we started our Saints block with a story about Saint Nicholas.  Then our German tutor arrived for some much-needed help and we made plans for Advent crafts and baking as part of our German lessons.  During my oldest child’s Main Lesson, my younger one was eating more snacks, playing with a wooden dollhouse and then I gave her butcher block paper and markers to draw roads for her wooden mini- rollie car.  After our German tutor left, we ate lunch, had some quiet time and did some Advent crafting! 

On Tuesday, we jumped rope to begin and we have also been drawing with our feet once a week for my oldest (although my Kindergartner likes to watch this!)  We did our Kindergarten things and then we pursued more math by reviewing all times tables we have covered so far (with special emphasis of those 6’s from yesterday and the relationship between the products of the 3’s times table and the products of the 6’s times table) with jumping and stomping, snapping and clapping, bean bag tossing.  We also went back and reviewed time and copied a poem in our Main Lesson Book for remembering seconds, minutes, hours, days. My oldest then had another poem to copy in her Poetry Main Lesson Book about Winter and we re-visited the story of Saint Nicholas with some vocabulary/spelling words that I wrote on the board.  Then we made cookie dough and put it in the refrigerator and played indoors and outdoors the rest of the day!  We also made a no-cook salt dough recipe, but it was not nearly as nice as the cooked kind.  I had a little story to go with the making of the salt dough.

On Wednesday, we started with Kindergarten things again and making a peace dove for our Christmas tree with a star on the forehead just like White Bird in the story.  We went into math, reviewing place value that we already covered with the help of Donna Simmons’ squirrels and moving into adding two and three digit numbers with carrying (my daughter’s request to practice, so we did several blackboards full of problems I made up of the top pf my head) and ended by introducing the 11 times table.  Then my oldest copied the 6’s times table into her Main Lesson Book  (Not the best three day rhythm for math at this point, but playing catch-up has kind of thrown me off!).  We re-visited the story of Saint Nicholas and drew a picture with a summary in the Main Lesson Book and reviewed all the spelling/vocabulary words from the previous day.  Then our Spanish tutor arrived for some reading.  After  lunch I read a chapter from the new Gnome book by Sieglinde de Francesca called “A Donsy of Gnomes”. (http://www.teachwonderment.wahmweb.com/store/ – I promise I will do a review of this book at some point on this blog!)  The first story is about Pebble, who gathers bits of fallen stars and grows them into crystals as a crystal gardener.  It was pouring down rain, and I happened to have one of those “grow your own crystal” kits in my closet so we pulled that out so we could be crystal gardeners too!   After that we cut out cookies from the cookie dough we made yesterday in star shapes and I told the story of “The Smallest Star” from Seasons of Joy’s Advent Ebook.  The rest of the day was for playing and building forts and giant train tracks all over!

And somewhere in all this was not only the sweetest little baby 🙂 but also two needy dogs and the household chores. 

Just a quick peek at part of our week,

Carrie

Cultivating Boundaries: The Inner Work of Advent

Like so many of my posts, they just come to me in a spurt of doing something else and I am drawn to sit down and write.  What came to me today is this notion of working on boundaries, and today I would like to talk about boundaries for ourselves.

I see so many mothers who seem to feel almost defeated by parenting and homeschooling, or often feel apologetic for “not doing more”.  I think we need to set a boundary on our own negative thoughts!  Why we are kinder to strangers than to ourselves??

When a child is learning to walk or ride a bike, we provide support and encouragement, not a bunch of comments that will tear that child down.  Let’s vow to give ourselves that same kind of  support and encouragement as we learn and grow.

I have spoken with mothers who literally cannot find one nice thing to say about themselves.  If this is you, ask the people who know you best what nice things they would say about you, your best traits and your best talents.  Write it down if you have to!  Affirm yourself, and have confidence!  You are a wonderful human being and a wonderful parent!  Your child picked you to be their parent for a reason!

Let us also learn to set boundaries with those who are negative toward us.  People who quiz our children on what they are learning in homeschool, people who have only negative things to say about the way we do things or our opinions need the boundaries that we provide them!

Stop expecting perfection out of yourself, your family and your homeschooling.  No one is perfect, yet how often do we act as if the world is coming to an end when things don’t go as we planned?  We all do the best we can do at that moment with the information we have at the time.

And do not compare! It is very easy to look at more experienced homeschooling families who have older children and think they must do everything perfectly.  Every family and every homeschool has its own strengths and weaknesses; just like teachers in a public or private school have their own strengths and weaknesses.  Be content that your children are right where they should be!

Cultivate a few good, trustworthy friends; the kind of friends who will tell you if you are doing something that really does need a second opinion!  But most of all, learn to trust yourself.  Pray and meditate, learn to trust what God is telling you and learn to trust your own gut responses.  How often we negate our own responses to things instead of being confident in our own intuition!

Let your quiet confidence lead you!

Carrie