Cultivating Boundaries: The Inner Work of Advent

Like so many of my posts, they just come to me in a spurt of doing something else and I am drawn to sit down and write.  What came to me today is this notion of working on boundaries, and today I would like to talk about boundaries for ourselves.

I see so many mothers who seem to feel almost defeated by parenting and homeschooling, or often feel apologetic for “not doing more”.  I think we need to set a boundary on our own negative thoughts!  Why we are kinder to strangers than to ourselves??

When a child is learning to walk or ride a bike, we provide support and encouragement, not a bunch of comments that will tear that child down.  Let’s vow to give ourselves that same kind of  support and encouragement as we learn and grow.

I have spoken with mothers who literally cannot find one nice thing to say about themselves.  If this is you, ask the people who know you best what nice things they would say about you, your best traits and your best talents.  Write it down if you have to!  Affirm yourself, and have confidence!  You are a wonderful human being and a wonderful parent!  Your child picked you to be their parent for a reason!

Let us also learn to set boundaries with those who are negative toward us.  People who quiz our children on what they are learning in homeschool, people who have only negative things to say about the way we do things or our opinions need the boundaries that we provide them!

Stop expecting perfection out of yourself, your family and your homeschooling.  No one is perfect, yet how often do we act as if the world is coming to an end when things don’t go as we planned?  We all do the best we can do at that moment with the information we have at the time.

And do not compare! It is very easy to look at more experienced homeschooling families who have older children and think they must do everything perfectly.  Every family and every homeschool has its own strengths and weaknesses; just like teachers in a public or private school have their own strengths and weaknesses.  Be content that your children are right where they should be!

Cultivate a few good, trustworthy friends; the kind of friends who will tell you if you are doing something that really does need a second opinion!  But most of all, learn to trust yourself.  Pray and meditate, learn to trust what God is telling you and learn to trust your own gut responses.  How often we negate our own responses to things instead of being confident in our own intuition!

Let your quiet confidence lead you!



4 thoughts on “Cultivating Boundaries: The Inner Work of Advent

  1. carrie, a wonderful reminder! intuition is such an amazing gift when we take the quiet time to cultivate and use it. also, i am a huge fan of being nice!

  2. wow. This post really spoke to me. I often have to put my inner critic in her rightful place, otherwise she will live “large and in charge”. When mothers start becoming irritable, defensive, unsettled, angry…you can bet the inner critic is wreaking havoc on the soul-life and needs to be examined. She is good for some judgement, but she should not be allowed to be relentless and ruthless. No mother deserves that kind of punishment.
    Of course, I am writing all this for myself! haha
    Thanks for yet another great post.

  3. Pingback: The Inner Work of Advent « The Parenting Passageway

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