There are now three new pages at the top of this blog where the “Home” and “About” tags are. One details posts available in Spanish, one is a fast primer on discipline, and one lists the pregnancy/breastfeeding/baby/toddler links on this blog.
Thanks for checking it all out!
Blessings,
Carrie
In the United States, the school year typically runs from fall (August/September) through (May/June). This means that many mothers start to order homeschooling materials for fall in March or April.
There are many questions out on the lists and forums regarding curriculum for Waldorf homeschooling. Here is a back post in which I listed the Waldorf consultants who have been around for a time and whom I feel at least have read Steiner and stick truly to Steiner’s indications for the grades…there may be others now since this list was written, but at least it gives you a starting point: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/03/waldorf-consultants/
I typically take pieces of this and that and write my own curriculum Many veteran mothers write their own curriculum over the summer, so that by fall they have their own custom and individualized curriculum for that child!
Here are some suggestions for planning:
There is actually more on planning, but that’s a good start!
Blessings,
Carrie
….is through connection and attachment, not through separation. This is why threats, time-outs, and other traditional discipline methods fail.
Attachment and connection with your child is the number one way to guide a child. You can sure hold them when they cry because Grandma can’t come to dinner. You can sure hold them as they learn it is hard sometimes to share. You can help them adapt, but you cannot help them if you send them into a time-out. You are not changing the realities of life, you are not changing the boundary, but you are recognizing the very human struggle that goes into learning something. You are recognizing the strong bond between the child and the parent.
How do you connect? A young child is in their body – hug them, kiss them, rub their backs, massage their hands and feet, pat them on the back, tickle them, rough house with them, hold them, carry them, treasure them – and do it at the times when things are falling apart. Get down to their eye level and love them and support them, even if you don’t feel they are being lovable.
The relationship with this child is what carries the discipline. Help your child to learn and to grow; you are raising a child to become an adult of brilliance.
Peaceful guiding,
Carrie
Annette wrote a lovely post about using stories beyond just The Brothers Grimm here: http://natural-childhood.blogspot.com/ Please do take the time to go and read it; Annette has some great thoughts about how to bring all this to your children!
Please do keep in mind that modern Waldorf schools in the United States and Europe now pull from a variety of cultural traditions for fairy tales, folk tales and legends besides just the Brothers Grimm. I know our local Waldorf school here in Kindergarten and First Grade uses a large number of African and Asian fairy tales. Besides that, different cultures, religions and places in world geography are addressed each year in the journey through the grades.
Luckily, in homeschooling, we can pick and choose the best for our family!
Here are some resources to assist you:
Many blessings,
Carrie
That’s okay. Loving your child doesn’t always mean you like their behavior. However, I think feeling that way is a good sign something needs to be different (and before you jump in and say, yes, my child needs to do “X” to make that happen!), please read on for a few encouraging words.
Here is also a back post to help you out: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/05/thoughts-on-challenging-developmental-stages/
Many blessings,
Carrie
This is such a common complaint that I hear from parents. Of course, what parents mean when they say, “My child doesn’t listen” is really “My child is not obeying me or doing what I asked.”
Some mothers will say, “Well, Carrie, I asked Jimmy to put his coat on four times and he just runs away” or “Samson won’t let me brush his teeth.” Some small children can tell you exactly WHY they shouldn’t do something, like hitting or biting someone, but then they turn right around and do it anyway!
WHEW!
Let’s return back to some basics with small children:
1. Return yourself to a peaceful state of mind, and realize that this issue is going to have to be dealt with in a repetitive manner in about the same tone you would use to say, “Could you please pass me the pepper?” Try to erase the notion that you and your child are on opposite sides here, and foster the notion that this is a situation that you are going to help and guide and support and love your child through. Try this back post on anger: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/22/the-battlefield-of-the-mind-anger-and-parenting/
Try and connect with your child and cultivate that warmth, that love, that joy and that delight in that child during times when things like this are not happening. Try to go in at night and see your child for as small and innocent as they really are, and meditate or pray over them. It really does help! Connection is THE most important and primary ingredient of guiding a child – connection in the moment BEFORE you ask the child something, connection in HOW you ask it, connection at other times throughout the day. CONNECTION is the key. Try “Connection Parenting” by Pam Leo for help and also Gordon Neufeld’s “Hold On To Your Kids!” for further information.
2. Think through the situation and what is underneath it. Don’t ask them, but just think! For example, for not wanting to put a coat on, is it not wanting to leave, is it that there is no rhythm built in to when we leave the house and the child is in the middle of playing, is it that the child is being silly and needs to get some energy out? Mind you, none of these are excuses for behavior. It is just sort of probing the waters and seeing what other things are going on. It may help you adjust some things so things flow more smoothly.
3. Can you use less commands? Can you start the activity? For example, if you just go to the bathroom and start brushing your teeth and when your child follows you into the bathroom can you just hand them a toothbrush? Hum a song. If they run away, can you just wait a moment and then calmly try again? Not by calling them, but maybe by finding them under the bed and calmly and gently pulling them out, carrying them to the bathroom with a funny accented voice that The Tooth Investigator must check your teeth,etc. Can you put on your coat and then help your child into theirs with a song? Not by screaming out, time to get your coat on Jimmy! from the bottom of the stairs. Go up and get Jimmy! And be flexible – can Jimmy put his coat on in the car? When you get there?
Check what tools for gentle discipline you have in your tool belt: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/29/top-10-must-have-tools-for-gentle-discipline/
Can you shift them into fantasy or creative movement?
And you might be thinking, that’s great Carrie for situations where I can be flexible, but my little one hitting or biting is not a flexible situation! You are right! Which leads us to…..
4. Understanding that even if a child understands why not to do something, they don’t have the impulse control of an adult. Restitution is most important in the cases of biting, hitting, breaking a sibling’s toy. “Janie was sad when you bit her.” (to a three year old and up aged child). “Let’s draw her a beautiful picture together.”
Also, divorce the offending body part from the child –divorcing the mouth, the hands, the feet – from the child who will take the “You bad child, you hurt your sister!” into incredible self-awareness and shame because they are still small themselves. Try, “Uh-oh, your hands forgot what they were doing! Come and use those hands for peeling these potatoes for dinner!” “Your feet forgot what they were doing! Come and kick this ball!” But never leave the restitution part out, the fact you are moving the energy of the mouth, the hands, the feet into practical work in no way makes up for the harm they caused by biting or hitting someone else. Restitution is key.
Also, I do think in cases of siblings hitting or biting siblings, the child needs your connection and your love outside of the times of hitting or biting or whatnot. Do they get time alone with you? This is important as children grow. Are all your children melding into one family unit of “The Children” or are there times alone with each of them, and times for each of them to be alone with Daddy as well?
Just a few thoughts today on these challenging discipline situations.
Love,
Carrie
One of the most common questions one hears in the Waldorf World is about toys – those beautiful, expensive, wooden, natural fiber toys. How does one transition into those, what does one do with the plastic toys, how does one handle inappropriate gifts?
Uh, pour yourself a cup of tea and come back, because this is a big subject.
I really respect all the natural toymakers out there and Waldorf sellers of natural toys. They are wonderful. (Also, I am not against plastic toys at all, some of them – legos come to mind, some families love Playmobile or matchbox cars). However, there are a few things to keep in mind regarding toys, before you start adding to your child’s toy collection with natural toys.
The first thing to keep in mind is that you do not need many toys at all. I wrote a post about this awhile back, why not click over and see if it resonates with you? Here it is: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/23/holiday-gifts-for-children-how-much-is-too-much/
Kim John Payne also gets to the heart of this in his book “Simplicity Parenting” (for a review see here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/26/favorite-waldorf-resource-2-simplicity-parenting-using-the-extraordinary-power-of-less-to-raise-calmer-happier-and-more-secure-kids-by-kim-john-payne-and-lisa-ross/) I believe Marsha Johnson also has a wonderful article in her FILES section of her Yahoo!Group (www.waldorfhomeeducators@yahoogroups.com to join) addressing this very topic. Both of these resources talk about the positive effects of LESS.
Under this topic, I have to mention that a beautiful wooden kitchen is still a beautiful wooden kitchen, but a box can be a kitchen, a spaceship, a house, a cave…the possibilities are endless! So, I guess my point is that whilst I too love the wooden toys and natural toys, do keep in mind that the simplicity of it all should be in toys that can be more than one thing, toys that can transform as a child’s play flows from one thing to another.
Toymaking with children or with your children in mind is also important. You don’t need a lot of skill to start, and the book “Toymaking With Children” really lays this all out for you: http://www.amazon.com/Toymaking-Children-Freya-Jaffke/dp/0863153674/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266602196&sr=8-1 Why not consider making your own toys?
The second thing to keep in mind is the age of your child and the development of play, so you know what toys are appropriate and needed. This way you do not put out all the toys a child from birth to seven will go through at once, but only the ones specific for that age and only a handful so you can rotate them in and out.
Ages Birth – Two- and –a- half: Their own hands and feet are the best toys in the first year, and perhaps I would add a beautiful mobile or Nature Table to look at. Around the toddler years, one could add a VERY SIMPLE knotted or bunting -style doll. There are instructions on how to make one of these in “Toymaking With Children” Meredith has a nice post regarding dolls here over at Waldorf Reviews: http://www.waldorfreviews.com/?p=66
Wooden spoons, pots, bowls are all welcome as well, along with baskets to fill and dump, and also some playcloths to set up a corner in which the child can hide or rest. I would also add blocks, pails for the sandbox, a basin to put water in for play.
It is important that every toy has a home and is cared for with love and reverence. A doll should be included in your rhythm as part of the family and cared for with love. 🙂 Here is an article from Gateways regarding the relationship of the child to the doll: http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/GW56raichle.pdf
More Notes About Play During This Period: “Toymaking With Children” has this to say about birth to the third year: “The adult’s actions are absorbed not consciously but lovingly. At first, children limit themselves to apparently purposelessly imitative activity. They go around the room like their mother, picking up things which she has just tided away, only to put them down again somewhere else. When the mother fills her pot with potatoes, the child fills a basket or cart with building blocks.”
So, being able to show your child some WORK is of utmost importance.
Ages Two-and-a-Half to Age Five: This is where fantasy and imaginative play really emerge. The children of this age take the toys and pretend they are whatever they need at the moment – things for a store, things for the farm. Open-ended toys such as playsilks and clips to make a house is wonderful, playstands are often used at this age, and baskets filled with open-ended objects from nature such as shells, stones, pinecones, etc that can become whatever the child needs in the moment.
Playing in nature is very important at all ages, but especially at these ages. Mud, sand, water are all the child’s playground.
Work hard into picking up WITH your children and making it fun; they will not go and pick up by themselves with just a verbal command. They are imitating you, and you get to be the leader of a fun game for cleaning up. Put the time for clean-up into your rhythm.
Ages Five to Seven Years: A doll with arms and legs to dress and undress is important at this age. Simple toys and crafts Waldorf sellers that focus a bit more on fine motor skills may be appropriate at this point for those times of inbreath, but time in nature and developing gross motor skills is still so important – can your child ride a bike? Walk on stilts? Do the monkey bars? Swim in the deep end? Jump rope? Play hopscotch?
You might be saying, this is wonderful, Carrie but what do I do with all of my plastic toys?
Families I have known have approached this in several ways. First, do sort through the toys and discard the ones that are broken. Your children may enjoy finding toys to give away to goodwill, but in my experience, many children do not. Yet, many parents feel badly about going through their children’s toys and donating them. Sometimes what works is to leave out a few toys and put the other toys in boxes for rotation into the play area. If you arrange your toy area in a beautiful way, you may be surprised about your children being more content with LESS. You may even be able to donate a few of those boxes of plastic toys as no one asks for them ever again as some more open-ended toys come in to the space. I also encourage families going through this to cut back on media and plan some activities outside. Get the children involved in your practical work. Set up play scenarios to show them how this would work. Tell them fairy tales, spark their imagination.
Here are a few back posts to help: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/29/more-about-fostering-creative-play/
and this one: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/05/fostering-creative-play/
Most of all, please be confident! You are not taking toys away from your children but increasing the quality of their play through the power of less!
Many blessings,
Carrie
I love this quote from “Waldorf Education: A Family Guide” as edited by Pamela Johnson Fenner and Karen L. Rivers:
“As Steiner writes in “Spiritual Bells of Easter, I”:
Festivals are meant to link the human soul with all that lives and weaves in the great universe. We feel our souls expanding in a new way during these days at the beginning of spring…It is at this time of year, the time of Passover and Easter, that human souls can find that there lives…in the innermost core of their being, a fount of eternal, divine existence.
If we can begin to penetrate the cosmic significance of the mystery of this season, the rebirth of nature, the freeing of the Israelites, and the death and resurrection of Christ, we begin to understand that Easter is as A.P. Shepherd writes.”…the Festival of the spiritual future of humanity, the Festival of Hope and the Festival of Warning.”
Shrove Tuesday was this week. This day grew from the practice of obtaining absolution –to be “shriven” or “shrove” before the forty-day fasting of Lent. Years ago, this was a very strict dietary fast and meat and eggs and milk were used up before Lent started. Pancake-making and tossing was often tradition on this special day, and I am sure many of you are familiar with the custom of Carnival (Karneval in Germany) leading up to Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.
Ash Wednesday began with the practice of wearing a sackcloth for Lent and covering one’s head with ashes.
“All Year Round” has this to say:”Lent has been kept as a time of penance, of strict self-denial, and for contemplating the sufferings and temptations of Jesus Christ as he fasted forty days in the wilderness. Nowadays, the imposed strictness of Lent has been largely relaxed, and more emphasis placed on using the time to strengthen the inner life through spiritual education or appropriate self-discipline. The long fasts of Lent and Advent were once used to make pilgrimages or “progresses” to holy places. The word “progress implies not only the outer journey, but also the inner journey of the pilgrim – his progress in self-development.”
So, without further ado, here are some traditional ways to celebrate Lent:
Some of the traditions we have include eating pancakes on Fat Tuesday (Shrove Tuesday), setting up our Nature Table as above, eating cleansing food and reducing certain components of our diet, participating in a Bible study for Lent (this year I am studying a part of the book of Psalms), reducing computer time and spending more time together as a family.
One craft to consider for yourself this time of year is wet- on- wet watercolor painting. I painted the other night for an hour or so, making purple from red and blue. It is very meditative and calming to do this, and the pictures you paint can then be cut into crosses for your Nature Table, or you can make a transparent part in your paintings with tissue paper of different colors.
I will be writing a separate post regarding the celebration of Palm Sunday and the Holy Week leading up to Easter Sunday.
Many blessings,
Carrie
(SORRY! I originally had the WRONG link in this post! It is corrected now!)
This is about media for the child under age 12! Great thoughts you can take and tailor to your own family! Mrs. Johnson is a veteran Waldorf teacher and has a wonderful Yahoo!Group for issues solely related to Waldorf homeschooling. Please see this link to join: www.waldorfhomeeducators @yahoogroups.com
Mrs. Johnson writes:
“I myself am nearly 100 % convinced that the most dangerous item in the home for children age 12 and younger is the television (including video games and computers). I believe we can trace use of this device to hyperactivity disorders, certain types of autism, and as well, a general reduction of the intelligence level of modern humans. Poor vocabulary (televisions are geared for a very low level of academic level), poor reading, poor spelling, a training for a short-bite experience in every single part of life, unrealistic life expectations built on fantasy pre-scripted television or dramatic episodes which are choreographed and pre-dictated, loss of interest in social or community interaction, loss of confidence building in experiencing ‘real-life’ interactions with physical substances or encountering mother nature (let’s go camping on the WII!), loss of physical development that is associated with moving all four limbs and using your brain to ride bikes, ice skate, row a boat, actually go fishing or driving or whatever.
The worst of all is the ads that show ridiculous situations such as the road -trip family with a beautiful southwest vista, i.e., Grand Canyon, and the kids are happy because there is a VIDEO player in the ceiling of the dang car.
I would if I could, take away all access to children 12 and younger. Yes go to the movies. Yes, go as a family, say three to four times per year and pick carefully and make it a big deal and go and sit together and enjoy it as a family. Go out for a meal afterwards and talk about it. Use it as an infrequent family outing, balanced with other family outings. You do not have to miss Avatar or Star Trek or the Dinosaur Walk thingy. Go as a family and make it a family activity, participating in a ritualistic group event that is rationale and rare.
Children are born with a natural capacity to imagine so many beautiful worlds and spirits. To see spirit beings and talk with them, to connect for a few breath taking years directly with the spiritual world…..it passes away so fast! Each moment your child under the age of 7, in my opinion, sits in front of a tv or a video land, you are literally draining that capacity like a hose will drain a swimming pool. Yes, just stealing it away.
It is impossible for our children to ignore this beast, in the vast majority of cases. Why don’t we keep a bowl of white sugar on the counter with a spoon, nearby? Or cans of plain soda pop, full of chemicals and caffeine and colorings? Most of you would not dream of allowing your children to eat Twinkies and Sugar Daddies for supper, but would and do accept the drug of the screen, those flashing icy blue brain-wave changing ‘eyes’ to totally overtake your children on a regular basis.
After 12, it is quite different I think, and certainly after 14. But it is not only age, it is also type of being: the highly awake nerve sense child (quick, brilliant, but like a literal sponge) will be sucked much more easily than the will-dominant child (have to MOVE) or the heart-feeling child (who will have to act it out, color at the same time, rush off to dress up, talk about the event at the same time, etc etc). The nerve-sense child has only to hear a ditty ONE TIME and they can sing if flawlessly, forever! :L
Yes, there is plenty of research out there. Check it out yourself. We forget how to think (or never learn), forget how to just be (never without stimulation) and forget how to dream (it has all been sucked out of us….the soil is dried and hardened…).
The solution? If your family is tv-addicted or screen-addicted, don’t just toss it out, replace it with fun and interesting activities at first, go join a folk dance team, go to church, have a family board game night, go camping, and ‘forget’ batteries. Slowly reduce and remove screen time and be sure your spouse is completely on board (haha this will fail is papa still needs to watch football add day Sat and Sun).
Keep a tv if you must have one, and lock it up like you would guns or alcohol. Use it as an adult choice. Figure out how to secure your computer with a password and do not tell the kids what it is. Refuse to buy games or systems and if your children visit other people’s homes, call first and ask the mama or daddy, please avoid the use of xyz when Sally visits, we are allergic to nintendo, playstation, blah blah blah and I would like to ask that they not use that while in your home having a nice play date.
Refuse to buy cable or machines that bring in more channels, etc. If you do keep a tv, set it with a parent-control to boring programs like news on the public radio channel. Use your computer at night after the kids are in bed (7 pm) and you can spend a little time catching up. Avoid texting or using your cell phone when you are with your children. Spend TIME with your children, set aside a time for cell phone use and tell your friends and family, call me at xyz time, please. Otherwise I will be with my kids.
Set examples and form neighborhood bike rallies, bake holiday treats as a group, set up a tree house or back yard fort, build a bbq pit and make bonfires, be the neighborhood active parent whose home is filled with kids and laughter..put on a spring play for the neighborhood and invite others to a bowling party or whatever.
Make it a priority and you may be able to positively affect your child, in this day and age when we are voluntarily allowing ourselves to be literally devoured by the giant materialistic machine of commericalism. Worse than the gingerbread house witch by far, the dependence and consumption of the screens on our waking hours is by far the greatest danger to the human race at this point in time.
Mrs M”
(Carrie here: I spoke about this in my talk the other night on “The Waldorf Connection”; that there really isn’t any “no” in Waldorf, just the question of “when” and how there are some ages to bring things in more than others. One must always ask oneself when supplying information and activities, is this necessary NOW? What age would this be good or necessary? If we do this NOW or my child knows all this NOW, what will my child be doing when they are 10 or 14 or 20? Things should be different at different ages, not everything should be handed to one’s child on a platter when they are four years of age! Protect your child’s innocence and childhood, it is more important than ever as they are going to grow up into a world that moves even faster and has more technology than we do at this moment!)
Many blessings for today,
Carrie
Most of what I write is geared toward mothers, but I am becoming aware of a number of fathers who also come to this space! Hello to all the fathers out there! I appreciate you being here!
At the end of last night’s show (see www.thewaldorfconnection.com), a Dad called in asking how to make use of the limited weekday time with the under-7 child.
Families do things all different ways; I have seen families push back bedtimes so the children can play with Dad, have a snack with Dad, etc before bed. Some children do wonderfully with this and some children go waaaaay off the deep end with this end and the night ends with tears and do better with Dad parenting them to sleep – walking a small child around, singing to their child, back rubs, massages, telling wonderful stories.
I have harped on this time and time again: you are creating your family culture together. Parenting is in the doing! Mothers, give up control and parent together. You love this man enough to marry him, to have children with him, he is the parent as well! Mothers will wail to me, “But he doesn’t do it the way I do it!” Uh, yes, isn’t that the point? There is a place for mothering and fathering and we are thrilled to have both!
Children need to have their fathers; fathers bring so many wonderful things to the table for children. I will write more about this in the future, but in the meantime, here are some back posts to read and ponder:
An old favorite: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/23/the-necessity-of-mothering-and-fathering/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/27/more-on-marriage-how-do-you-work-with-the-differences/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/18/fathers-and-daughters-part-one/ https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/20/fathers-and-daughters-part-two/
Dads and homeschooling: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/15/a-letter-to-all-those-dads-undecided-about-homeschooling/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/20/dads-waldorf-homeschooling-and-parenting/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/23/when-both-parents-need-a-break/
Love and respect: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/06/simple-february-love-for-your-partner/
Dads might be interested in this: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/30/rite-of-passage-parenting-four-essential-experiences-to-equip-your-kids-for-life-heading-up-to-the-nine-year-change-and-beyond/
Just to keep you busy!
Blessings,
Carrie
The Parenting Passageway 