Monthly Archives: December 2018

Homeschooling Mama, I See You

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I see you.

You, up researching different methods of homeschooling and curriculums into the wee hours of the night.

You, trying to thrive on one income and an old car with multiple children and still have money to put towards curriculum and supplies and outside activities.

You, trying to explain to your partner and extended family why homeschooling meets your children’s needs so well.

You, who hasn’t done a good job going to the doctor or dentist  for yourself in quite awhile because it means dragging four children with you whom you homeschool without much in the way of support or breaks.

You, single mom, working and still making homeschooling work.

You, who has the child with the hardest things on the inside that no one recognizes in your child.  You see the depression, the anxiety, the anger – and you keep on researching, getting help, and putting one foot in front of the other.

You, who has the child with learning disabilities that you are working so hard with one one one and wondering if it is enough or if other people will see homeschooling as the reason your child is behind instead of being possibly ahead of where he or she would be in other settings

You, who has the twice exceptional child wondering how to make the most of homeschooling for giftedness but also the most out of all therapy, rehabiliation, and doctor’s appointments.

You, who are agonizing over homeschooling high school – if it’s the best thing, the right thing, how to do it, will it screw up their lives forever?

You, trying to pick the best read-alouds and worrying how to get the best education to your children and meet all the needs.

You, trying to juggle the house, a baby, a toddler, a preschooler, and the grades.

You, trying not be tired at night after a full day of homeschooling  so you can  be awake enough to converse with your partner.

You, in the trenches.  I see you.  I see the wholeness of you and you are enough.  You are worthy, you are wonderful.

You are doing a great job.  We are all a mess and we are all beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Blessings and love,
Carrie

Book Study: “The Winning Family: Increasing Self-Esteem In Your Children and Yourself”

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(For those of you following along with this book study, we are on Chapters 7 and 8 today).

Chapter 7 opens with this statement, which I love so much:

Everyone is born with a full deck of capabilities – physical, intellectual, spiritual, and emotional.  We need to learn to play them well in order to become healthy, fully functioning adults.

The author goes on to write:

In our society we learn that certain feelings are approriate and fitting for males, others for females.  But emotions are neither masculine nor feminine; emotions are human.  We need to experience a full range of feeling to be fully human.  When this does not happen, we unconciously may pass on our own emotional limitations to our children.

What emotions are you allowed to express in your family?  What about in your childhood? All feelings are okay, all actions are not.  Was that something you were ever taught?  How do you teach this to your children?

This chapter gives strategies for dealing with feelings – accepting and acknowledging, intervening at the level of the thought or the behavior or granting the wish in fantasy. This chapter goes through all the different emotions – trust, guilt and shame, grief, anger, resentment, forgiveness,  gratitude, and then coping skills and ways to handle all of these emotions.  It is a lovely chapter, probably the one I have loved the most in this book!

Chapter 8  talks about The Power of Words. The way we speak to our children breathes life into them (or despair).  This chapter talks about ‘killer statments” (things one should never say); “crooked communication” where things sound positive first but really are quite negative and damaging, and then self-esteem builders.

The author also talks about the use of “thank yous” and how this simple phrase helps to relieve burnout and makes one feel appreciated, especially is one is praised not just for the final outcome, but for the effort.

When we say negative words to our children, we can correct them. We can apologize; we can say that we would like to say that differently or that we would like to take it back.  This helps in the phase of switching over to stopping so much criticism of our children and our family members.  Increasing appreciation, compliments, and support only helps improve the entire family atmosphere.

Blessings and love,

Carrie

 

Empowering Your Child

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I think sometimes we as parents can really confuse what we are supposed to be doing as parents.  Our children need to be able to do things that will help them learn how to make great decisions, that will foster their skills in communication, that will help them become functional adults.   There will be mistakes along the way; protection from mistakes and therefore protection from a child developing resilience is not the goal.

So, in that vein, these are the messages that I wish more parents would say to their children when things get hard for the child:

You can do this.

You can do hard things.

I believe in you and I believe you can handle this.

I love you no matter what, but I do expect you to make good choices.

You don’t need avoid the things in life that are difficult.

You can deal with the things that come your way.

It is okay to make mistakes.

It is okay to ask for help.

Taking responsibility is important.

You are going to make great decisions now and as an adult. I trust you.

You are amazing, and  you’ve got this.  I am here to help, but you really can do this.

 

Are there any other empowering phrases you wish people would say to their children?  Leave me a comment in the comment box!

Blessings and love,
Carrie