The Minimalist Journey

Posted on June 23, 2018 by Carrie

Sometimes as mothers, we aspire to minimalism because things in our own lives seem complicated. I recently started a thread on a Facebook group I am on, about paring things down for the school year, especially for those of us who are are homeschooling older teens who have to be places but can’t yet drive, and for those of us who are homeschooling larger families (way larger than mine) and having the activities of the older teens impact the family all the way down to the littlest ones.

Can you really have simplicity and minimalism with homeschooling and parenting older children and teens, with multiple children of large age ranges? Some families make a very conscious decision to roadschool or wildschool and have the work flexibility to do that, and I think many of us think that is what minimalism looks like. However, many of us don’t have that kind of lifestyle, and I think we need to remember that minimalism can look different to each family because each family is different!

So, as many of us are planning for the fall, I wanted to throw out some ideas I am toying with. Last year was our absolutely most complicated year ever, largely not due to anything within our control, so those years happen, but for a “normal” year… here are some ideas! Share yours!

What are your values and your most valued communities? Pare things down around that. You don’t have to do all things. There are often all kinds of things that look great for homeschooling families or even when children attend school. There can be pressure to keep up. The more we rebel as this generation of parents and say that our children don’t need 20 activities during the school year to “keep up” or “get ahead” or “get into a great college” (when they are 10 years old!), the easier this will become over time. In the meantime, be a rebel and pare down to your most valued things. Find out what your children value! Our girls value being home and with us, church choir and that community, and their horses. Our littlest guy values being home and playing! As parents we value being outside, our community of friends, music and yes, learning! So making priorities around those things makes sense for us. Minimalism begins with priorities!
If you live in a community where the driving factor is high, you are going to have to say no just on the basis on the drive sometimes. I went through a phase where I was done driving, and chose everything to be within a 15 to 20 minute drive (because in our area, driving forty-five minutes to an hour for something isn’t unheard of). This year, we will be branching out a little in driving to a homeschool enrichment program one day a week that is 40 minutes away, but this is the first time in several years we have had a drive like that.
Figure out what you need – does it bother you to go out daily? Can you homeschool in the morning and go out in the afternoon and feel fine or do you need days where you don’t leave the house? How many days? If this is what it is, then you have to have a schedule that reflects that you need to be home three days in a row or whatever it is that makes you feel good! If you need to be home, cross days off on your weekly calendar so you don’t normally schedule things on those days!
Streamline your stuff. We spend a huge amount of time in the United States managing things like a home, the stuff in a home, a car, etc. Pare down! Summer is a great time to do this! You can’t organize a mountain of stuff. Just get rid of it!
Enlist help in cleaning and cooking. Everyone in the family can help in some way!
Plan margin. Margin during the day, the week, and the year. Plan 32-34 weeks of school knowing it will stretch out into the full number of school weeks you need. Plan four days a week knowing that is enough. Plan margin for the day – rest times, down times. That is just as important as learning times.
One way to get down times during the school day is to COMBINE children in lessons. See my back post about some ideas regarding the Waldorf Curriculum.
If you have appointments for health care, try to get as much done in the summer as possible. That is what most of the families I know whose children go to public school do. I know so many homeschoolers who feel like we should be super accommodating to appointments and things because we have potentially have that flexibility (and then we feel stressed we aren’t getting enough done!) Use summers, breaks, one day a week once a month that is planned ahead for appointments, errands, etc as much as possible.
Make the mail your friend. There are so many things you can order on-line. See how many groceries you can get on-line and if you can’t get the rest at your local farmer’s market.
There are seasons for things. Don’t feel badly about what you can or can’t do right now. Parenting is a season!

Please share your favorite minimalist tips!

Blessings and love,
Carrie

Three Steps in Dealing With Challenging Behavior

Posted on June 21, 2018 by Carrie

There probably have been complaints about children and teen’s behavior as far back in time as one can imagine! In light of behavior that is less than desirable and is repeating, I think there are three main steps to take as a parent in dealing with this behavior head-on:

Ask yourself if this is normal behavior for this age? Many parents have expectations that are far beyond their child’s age and need to be reassured this is part of childhood maturation. We are losing perspective on this in American society rapidly.
If it is normal behavior for the age, but it is still making the family full of tension, ask yourself how you will guide it with boundaries so your family can live in harmony?

a. For a young children under the age of 7, guide with the principles of rhythm carrying things (lack of sleep, hunger, thirst, etc doesn’t help any behavioral situation!), songs and pictorial speech to move things along, and the child making reasonable restitution for what isn’t going well. If you determine things aren’t going well due to a lot of stress and hurriedness in the family, try to decrease the amount of stress. Look carefully and listen to what the child in front of you is telling you, but do balance that with the needs of the family.

b. For the child ages 9-13, guide with the ideas of rhythm and restitution in mind, and rules of your family and of life in general – how do we treat each other in kindness; how do we treat ourselves and others. Listen carefully to what your child is saying, but also state the expectations and boundaries firmly and kindly. Go in with the idea that these things will need to be worked on 500 times or more to stick. If things in the family are super stressful for varying reasons, consider simplifying and also adding in techniques for dealing with stress for the whole family.

c. If the child is 14-18, guide with the ideas of family rules in mind, and consequences and restitution. A teen can vacillate widely from seeming very mature to seeming very young and immature, and it is important to remember that the teenaged brain is not yet fully developed. You must still be there to guide, and you are not at the “friend” stage of parenting. Teenagers still want boundaries, limits, and a guide.

3. If the behavior is not normal for the age...

a. Is it quirky behavior and being exacerbated by stress and hurriedness? Simplify things and see if things improve.

b. Is it truly not appropriate behavior and not responding to anything you do? Then you may need professional help through family therapy or other behavioral intervention.

c. If you are a homeschooling family, do not assume that going to school will make things better. I think kids who are having problems at home often will have problems at school unless the family is so chaotic they will function better in a more structured environment. But if the child themselves is really having problems stemming from themselves, they will have problems across environments.

Just a few thoughts,
Carrie

Waldorf Homeschooling: Combining Grades

Posted on June 19, 2018 by Carrie

One of the most asked question on ANY Waldorf homeschooling list or Facebook group is , “How do I teach my 1st grader and 3rd grader? My 7th grader and my 11th grader?”

We are so lucky as Waldorf homeschoolers! If we understand Steiner’s picture of the developing human being and really meditate on the children in front of us, the answers of how to combine and bring things will come. If you already know the WHAT’s and the WHY’s behind why you are bringing things for a particular age, then you start to be able to unravel the HOW’s. If you want to know what the iconic blocks are as I see it for the American Waldorf homeschooler, try this post regarding American Waldorf homeschooling.

Here are just some suggestions from me. I have homeschooled three children of very different ages over 11 years now. This year the children will be in 11th grade, 8th grade, and 2nd grade. Remember, this is about HOMEschooling, not re-creating a Waldorf school in your kitchen. We need to not only meet the developmental needs of the children in front of us, we must teach with even more soul economy than a teacher in a Waldorf School due to multiple ages and the need to create loving homes and loving family life on top of teaching. It is a tall order, and I think combining is how to do it!

These are my suggestions for combining, with more ideas to come soon:

For the Early Grades, combining children in Grades 1-3:

Consider that the foundational experiences of the Early Grades are things that are in the home environment all the time, and are things everyone can participate in on some level – cooking, gardening, cleaning, handwork, chores, farm work if you are on a farm, canning and preserving food.
The foundation of Grade 1 is fairy tales, Native American Tales and Nature Tales. These stories can be done with all children ages 7-9 (1st through 3rd grade). Third grade can be a wonderful grade for Russian fairy tales, folktales, African folktales – and these can be brought to first graders as well. At the end of the year you could put in an Old Testament block for your third grader or bring the stories through painting or modeling for your third grader. Or teach the first grader their letters through the Old Testament stories. Yes, the Old Testament stories speak most strongly to the third grader, but the first graders can grasp the stories too on a different level.
Bring the important component of PRACTICE of skills through games! Lots of games! Together!
Get everyone outside – movement and nature are fundamental to reading, writing, and math in these grades.

For Combining Grades 1-3 and Grades 4-5:

Coordinate the blocks – everyone is on a math block at the same time, everyone is on a language arts block at the same time.
Blocks that can correlate in my mind:
Scandinavian folk tales – Norse myths – cooking, handwork, painting
African tales and scenes from Ancient Africa
Latin American folk tales and studies of the Maya and the Popol Vuh
Ocean studies – animals and botany for 4-5th graders, animals and exploring the ocean for 1st and 2nd grade. Drawing, painting, modeling. Could do this with any biome, the biome that you live in!
American Tall Tales for the 2nd-3rd grader and North American geography for the 5th grader (or 7th grader if you are studing First Peoples of the world).
Native American stories and local geography for all American homeschoolers
Weather for all ages – hands on, not heady – poetry, nature studies, observations, tied into gardening and preserving
Blocks of math games
Nature studies and stories to go with Man and Animal in fourth grade and Botany in fifth grade

For Combining Grades 1-3 and Grades 6-8:

Coordinate your blocks.
Have your middle schooler help you with practical work and games for skill practice for the 1-3 grader
Coordinate fairy tales/folktales/First People Tales with such things as Han China (could be good 6th grade parallel to Roman Empire); with Exploration studies/Renaissance Studies; with American history; with geography of South America, Europe, Asia, Africa
Coordinate building in third grade with shelters around the world/studies of First Peoples and tribes in 7th grade
Coordinate general nature studies of ocean, sky with exploration, navigation, astronomy in upper grades.
Coordinate textiles block of third grade with an economics-based geography block in eighth grade such as tracing cotton and its impact around the world.
Tales from First Peoples for younger grades with Earth Science for older grades.

For Combining Grades 4-5 and Grades 6-8:

Everyone is on the same block type at the same time.
Hero tales from any land and geography of that land for the 6-8th grader.
First people studies for all grades
Ancient Africa in 4th or 5th or 6th grade to Medieval Africa in 6th or 7th grade to studies of African tribes in 7th grade to modern Africa in 8th grade
Waterways of the world – could encompass geograpy, exploration, navigation, astronomy, inventions
Great inventors
North American geography and Colonial America including diverse Colonial figures in 7th or 8th grade
Revolutions in 8th grade (Simon Bolivar) and Latin American geography of 6th or 7th grade, combined with First Peoples studies of those areas.
Book studies for mamas who need a break! I like the book studies over at Magic Hearth.
Four Elements block for 4th-5th graders and physics for grades 6-8
Cooking for younger grades, write out recipes and make a book – combine with chemistry for grades 7-8
Man and animal block with any geography studies for upper grades
Weather in the lower grades and the meteorology block of 8th grade

These are just a few ideas. We could go through the whole curriculum like this. I think as Waldorf homeschoolers we need to stop trying to separate our children in little boxes, figure out the iconic things we really want to separate out and bring for the particular age, and then figure out how to combine! There are so many neat ways to do it that makes homeschooling so much easier!

If you need to talk more about finding the shared spot between grades and ages, DM me at admin@theparentingpassageway.com for ideas. This is one of my favorite subjects.

Blessings,
Carrie

The Christian Corner: The Episcopalian Homeschool

Posted on June 17, 2018 by Carrie

I don’t normally spend a lot of time here on issues specific to homeschooling as an Episcopalian, but since there are no resources devoted to Episcopalian homeschooling at all (you can see more about that lament on back posts on this blog), and I have had multiple mothers ask, I thought I would lay out a few thoughts. I hope eventually to turn this into some kind of e-book so those of you who are interested have a small resource to get started!

I like to think of the progression of Episcopalian homeschooling as a threefold structure, so these are my ideas.

From:

Ages 0-7, Episcopalian homeschooling is about BELONGING.

As parents, we model from our Baptismal Convenant that we “seek and serve Christ in all persons” and we “strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being, with God’s help.”
We go to church and celebrate the church seasons, the Eucharist, the feast and fast days. We look at the stories in the Holy Bible as God’s story of LOVE for us and for all others. We, as parents, learn for ourselves what these things mean and it is part of our daily and weekly and yearly routine.
We USE our Book of Common Prayer in daily and weekly life. This is important, because we don’t have a lot of creeds or statements the way other Christian denominations do. Our path as Episcopalians is largely a path of prayer, of joy, and of standing up for what is decent and right. It isn’t complicated. But it does require work.
We spend lots of time in nature, not only because Episcopalians are concerned about climate change and want to be informed stewards, but because nature is a strong strand of our beliefs that ties back into the Celtic roots of Anglicanism.

From Ages 7-14, Episcopalian homeschooling is about BELONGING and HEROES.

We are still modeling BELONGING by the way we act toward others in daily life. In this stage, we not only expect our children to model our behaviors that include and help people, but we hope to start to be able to see this action on their own.
We still are going to church and celebrating the church seasons, the Eucharist, the feast and fast days, and we see now the stories in the Bible as a deeper level of encouragement in our own walk for loving ourselves, each other, and the Earth.
As older children question things, we talk about how we use our intellect and experience as part of our experience with God. Faith, tradition, reasoning, and experience are all part of being an Episcopalian.
We get our older children to participate – older children can acolyte, participate in Children’s Choir and the Royal School of Church Music Program, help with the nursery, attend Sunday School and Vacation Bible School and summer camps. We help and encourage relationships with the other children in the parish. My parish is pretty large, about 800 families, and I think there are probably close to 20 schools or more represented, so school attendance isn’t the deciding factor for friendship in our parish.
We still use the Book of Common Prayer in daily and weekly life.
We still spend lots of time in nature. Some at this stage will chosee to look for Episcopal summer camps – they are all over and provide incredible immersive experiences into nature and closeness to God.
We develop more faith by participating in the life of the church. We get involved with causes, with the classes and offering of the church, and if what we want is not there, we step up as parents and get involved.
We start learning the stories of the heroes of our faith – the people who made the Anglican faith what it is
My little mini-rant about Heroes of the Faith: King Henry doesn’t count. I shudder actually when people talk about that as if they don’t know any of the real ways and real heroes that made this strand of Western Christianity different than anything else. Anglicanism was different than anything else because of where it HAPPENED – The church was aligned with many Celtic beliefs and moved toward the customs and beliefs of the Western church with the Synod of Whitby, but in many ways still retains a good deal in common with its Celtic beginnings and with the church before the split of the Reformation. So in a way, it was and still is its own thing! If you want to debate me about King Henry, I will just delete your comment because it is a source of contention to me that people don’t know more about either their own denomination or others can’t be bothered to find out and just comment on things they haven’t researched. #sorrynotsorry
Heroes from the Holy Bible, and yes, the Feast Days of Saints that we celebrate (and the idea that we can all be Saints! A little different concept in the Anglican Communion) (the Saints this month in June have varied from St. Columba to St. Ephrem of Syria to St. Enjegahbowh to Sahu Sundar Singh of India), and then some of the traditional heroes: Bede the Venerable, St. Anselm, St. Thomas Becket, John Wycliffe, Thomas Cranmer, John Jewel, Richard Hooker, Samual Crowther, Janauni Luwum, Archbishop Tutu, and more.
Toward the end of this period, I like to talk plainly about the 5 Marks of Mission of the Episcopal Church of the U.S., which are:
To proclaim the Good News of the Kingdom
To teach, baptize and nurture new believers
To respond to human need by loving service
To seek to transform unjust structures of society
To strive to safeguard the integrity of creation and sustain and renew the life of the earth
We can start to talk to older children (7th and 8th grade) about the history of the church as involved in the Social Gospel period of history, our role in the Civil Rights Movement, our role in equality for LBGTQ people, and our positions on civil rights, the environment, and more.

Ages 14-21 We walk the talk by publicly professing our faith and Baptismal Vows, not only in confirmation, but in striving for justice for all people, for loving all people by trying to see Christ in them, and for standing up for the dignity of all human beings. We profess our faith by walking in love.

At this point, teens get involved in running the life of the church – acolyting, helping at Vacation Bible School or summer camps or with the smaller children’s choir.
Teens start to think about their faith and if they want to publicly profess in Confirmation with hands laid on by the Bishop if they believe in The Apostles’ Creed (the Nicene Creed is said weekly, but the Apostles’ Creed is used at Baptism and Confirmation), if they believe and will continue in teaching what the apostles began, will persevere, will proclaim the LOVE of God in Christ to the world, to seek and serve Christ in all persons, to strive for justice and peace among all people and to respect the dignity of every human being and be a part of the belonging that is the Episcopalian Church.
They can use their Book of Common Prayer and the resources of the church to have an active prayer life.
We help our teen investigate the resources of the Episcopal Church, so they can make an impact in the world. These resources include:

The Episcopal News Service

The Episcopal Public Policy Network

Episcopal Climate News and Green Anglicans

The Episcopal Peace Fellowship

Episcopalians Against Gun Violence and Episcopalians Against Human Trafficking

Episcopalian Migration Ministries

Episcopal Intercultural Network

Some teenagers will choose to attend an Episcopalian college. The Episcopal Church has the highest number of people with graduate and post-graduate degrees per capita than any other denomination in the United States and has a strong system of colleges, both regular and historically black colleges and universities.
After Confirmation, which varies from parish to parish in what grade it occurs (in our parish it is tenth grade), the teenager is considered an adult and equal in the church. The last few years of high school and headed into the twenties are good times to deepen spiritual formation, become involved in and make good decisions based around what we believe as part of the Episcopal Church of the United States and part of the Anglican Communion. Some will continue into college deepening their faith through Campus and Young Adult Ministries and some will even branch out after college to do things like Episcopal Service Corps or partake in other ways to serve others.

Hope that helps,

Carrie

Friendships: Part Three: Ages 14-15

Posted on June 15, 2018 by Carrie

This is the last part of our series on friendships from ages ten to fifteen. Today, we are jumping into looking at the fourteen-year-old ( which is often a much better time than being thirteen and hiding in one’s room) and the fifteen-year old.

It can be really important to some fourteen-year-olds to really belong to a group, but some may need help untangling and being untangled from a group. This is the age where the girls especially really want to fit in to some elusive and sometimes exclusive group. She may pick friends or even a best friend that she has no shared interests with, and not a lot of connection even, but just feels that person is for whatever reason now her good friend. She may try to join into a group or clique just to be a part of it without really having a great connection to those people. Criticism or discussion of different friends begins in earnest this year, noticing the differences or social problems of varying friends or people at school. However, fourteen-year-olds are generally better about talking about things that have gone badly between them and a friend and trying to restore the friendship rather than the thirteen-year-old who just lets the friendship drift away.

Boys often have a bit of any easier time. They still may hang around in a gang; they may or may not have a “best” friend and they may or may not care at all about that. They do choose friends that they like rather than shared activities. Often they still hang out with neighborhood friends, whereas girls may be done with that around this age. Some fourteen-year-old boys still don’t have many friends, or only one friend they really like, and that is certainly okay as well.

What you can do to help: Girls in particular often want to feel “accepted” and hence start looking to their own place to belong away from their family. I think based on the family as the first and most important unit of socialization, it could be important to let teenagers know that siblings can be close friends, and that the family is such an important thing outside of friendship.

Talk about cliques and groups. Talk about conflict mediation and conflict resolution. Talk about how being an individual, and about diversifying friends and encouraging friendships outside of the clique with a different group. Talk about bullying and social exclusion if you think that is going on, and how and why to be an includer if your child has a temperament that lends itself to that. This article talks about dealing with cliques and this article has 8 tips for dealing wtih cliques.

Fifteen-year-olds often have less emphasis on cliques, although many are still influenced by their friends in regards to clothing choice, music, etc. Some fifteen-year-olds (and this is where your boundaries as parents are important!) may be pairing off into romantic relationships that are occupying more of their time than their friends. A deeper capacity for caring and sharing may exist than before. Mature friends can accept differences between one another and can maintain closeness despite separation or time. They also can juggle several close friends and no one feels threated by that. I feel this often comes AFTER the fifteen/sixteen change. Right before this change, I think there can often be a big shake-up in friends – teachers have noticed that for years the fifteen year old year (what is typically sophomore year in American high schools), often sees their students have a big change in friends. This can also be a time of feeling restless and lonely and depressed, which may also change after the fifteen/sixteen year change is complete.

Your fifteen-year-old may be more likely to seek out advice from friends than from you, the parent. Therefore, part of dealing with these friendships and even romanatic relationships outside of the family is putting a priority on the family. Family days, family traditions, are all still very, very important. It is a source of stability that many teens can’t even really put into words, but do still value.

What you can do: Hopefully you have many talks with your children by this point as to how to be a friend, how to mediate conflict, how to apologize, how to recognize bullying or aggression and how to cope with stresses. You are really preparing them for what comes after this fifteen/sixteen year change and as they become more and more independent and perhaps bring less to you regarding interpersonal conflicts. Junior and senior years of high school are really the young adult phase where you are letting go, being there, giving that right amount of space where guidance exists.

Blessings,
Carrie

Friendships: Part Two: Ages 12-13

Posted on June 13, 2018 by Carrie

Back today with our friendship series for children ages 10-15. Today we are talking about twelve and thirteen year olds.

Twelve-year-olds often have an increased ability to separate from their parents at this age, to really say what they do or don’t want to participate in with the family, and this really extends into their friendships. Twelve is much calmer than age eleven for the most part, although groups of twelve-year-olds can be difficult to manage for teachers and others.

Many twelve-year-olds are branching out to a larger group of friends, and most of the relationships are calm. Friendships that break apart may just sort of drift apart and away, rather than have some sort of traumatic fight. Twelve year olds are interested in more than themselves, and may be actually intersted in how a friend feels or thinks. Twelve year olds are better at taking responsibility for their own feelings and their own part in relationship situations that go awry.

What you can do to help: Since twelve can be more of a harmonious time with friendships and things may just be going along with an established group of friends, I think there isn’t as much work to do in terms of individual friendships but there can be work to be done regarding what happens in groups. Talk about bullying and exclusion, and how groups of people can put people down. Talk about how each person in a group is an individual and how not to lump people all together. These are important conversations to have.

Thirteen year olds are often nicer away from home than at home, and can be quite serious and moody. Some thirteen-year-olds really withdraw and are not as interested in friends, which I think can be fine so long as they are not withdrawing into video games and social media. Please think hard about giving your thirteen-year-old a phone!

Thirteen-year-olds are likely to get annoyed or irritable more than straight out angry. Some will walk out of a room instead of saying something mean; some will say the first mean and angry thing that comes to their mind. Under all of this, thirteen-year-olds are typically quite sensitive, both at home and in outside friendships. Rather than seeing their friends as a “group,” now the thirteen-year-old often sees each friend as a separate human being that could or could not be part of a group and wonder if that person could be a close friend outside of the group. Some girls will have a small group of two or three friends. Thirteen-year-olds can be quite criticizing with one another. Girls often share “deep secrets” while boys still hang around in a gang of four or five friends and don’t have the need to really confide anything too deep.

What you can do to help: A thirteen-year-old girl may be mortified to talk about the move from friends to other intimate relationships romantic relationships) , but depending upon your child it can be a good time to broach the subject of emotional intimacy in relationships; the idea of bullying can extend into the idea of bullying (abuse) in a romantic relationship, and how we should treat others and expect to be treated in a romanctic relationship. This can be an important conversation for some children who you see having interest.

You can have conversations around how we treat those who are really our friends, how we repair relationships when we feel criticized or made fun of, and the idea of different temperaments and personalities in the world and how different activities may be appealing to different friends. I often talk to my children about how as adults we have friends who enjoy different things, and how I don’t always call the same friend to do the same thing. One friend may love the opera, one may not. One friend may love to golf and want to go and one may not. One may be the friend you can really tell all your deep things too, and others may not. But, they can still all be our friends in some capacity,and it is up to us to choose do we only want the “deep dark secret” friend or do we also want a few friends based on the individuality of different people that is coming out in teens of this age.

Thirteen-year-olds do not need phones or social media. They will often use it, mainly the girls, to post pictures of themselves and perhaps their “deep dark secret friend” and often make other friends feel excluded. Social media is not for children with immature frontal lobe development (which is all of them at this point! Trick statement). They just don’t tend to make good choices and think things through. Talking to your children about social exclusion and social exclusion on social media is an important conversation. Here is a good article about social exclusion and this article about 9 Ways to Help Your Child Deal with Social Exclusion and Friendship Breakups is also a good one.

Talk to your thirteen-year-olds about how sometimes you feel really close to someone, but the friendship ends suddenly. Talk about how to listen and how to end frienships gracefully, and how to have more than one or two friends so if something does go awry and the friendship ends, your child will not feel as if they no longer have any friends at all. Diversification can be important for some children at this age. Friends often change over time, and even if your child has been friends with someone since they tiny, it may or may not work out to be a life-long friend. And that’s okay. Put energy into the new, not the old and teach your children that.

Blessings,
carrie

Part One: Friendships for Ages 10-11

Posted on June 10, 2018 by Carrie

Friendships are an amazing (and sometimes challenging thing!) for children of the ages ten to fifteen to really navigate! This week is friend week at The Parenting Passageway, and we will discover what children ages 10-15 really need to make friendships that thrive!

Ten- year -olds really love their friends, and it can be astounding all that a ten-year-old will know about their friends. While it is true that some ten -year girls are in a dramatic fight with their friends for what appears every minute, many ten -year- olds really appreciate having loyal friends. If neighborhood friends exist, that is probably the healthiest and most wonderful relationship for children. Neighborhood loyalty can be strong, and a lot can be learned participating in neighborhood games and large groups. (Sadly, this doesn’t seem to exist as much as it used to). Ten is also the age for forming “groups” and even participating in groups such a Girl Scouts. Ten generally is not a hugely exlusionary age, although they may “forget” to invite people to a birthday party or their club that they made up – they may not really want that person there, but they don’t want to hurt that person’s feelings or lose that person who is a “friend”. Lots of people are their “friends” – even if it is just an acquaintance from the next neighborhood over.

What you can do to help: Talk to your children about how to be a good friend, what is mean behavior, and what is plain bullying. Encourage the neighborhood group and lots of outside play. This is the age of games with rules that the children themselves make up (and break, and change the rules). No adults should be needed. If fighting erupts, don’t be dramatic with your child and give it a chance, because they may make up in a day or two. Particularly if the arguments are amongst those in a neighborhood, it will blow over. Do not give a child this age a phone! All these little spits and spats that work out do not need a phone element involved! If you think your child is being bullied, try the tips on this website. Bullying is different from mean behavior., and I like this article because it talks about the difference between bullying and when exclusion is or isn’t bullying. Social media exacerbates this, so please, do not give your child a phone!

Eleven -year-olds can be a having a time of sadness and anger in general. Eleven-year-olds often yell, cry, stomp away, become exceedingly competitive, and act very silly or giggly. Eleven usually marks the beginning of choosing friends not just because of proximity, but because “we get along”. Best friends are really important for many (not all) at this age, particularly boys. Girls may still have more of a group to hang around with. There may still be quarreling, but most eleven-year-olds can work things out.

What you can do to help: Have your home be a place where eleven-year-olds want to land and be. Help eleven-year-olds be outside to play and get physical energy out. Talk to your child about being a good friend, and also about the confidences and loyalty that go along with being a “best” friend. If they are super competitive, talk to them about how that fits in (or doesn’t) in being a great friend – does super competitiveness lead to incredible friendships and make people comfortable? When is competitiveness healthy and not healthy?

Later this week we will be talking about friendships for ages 12-13 and then ages 14-15.

Blessings,

Carrie

The Sanguine Child

Posted on June 9, 2018 by Carrie

Steiner talked about four temperaments he observed in children and how to use that for benefit in the classroom setting. The four types are phlegmatic, choleric, sanguine, and melancholic. The goal is to have all the temperaments integrated by adulthood!

So, today we are talking about the sanguine temperament. I love sanguine children, and find they are so needed within the social mix of a classroom or group of friends! They are the ones that can bridge all the social groups and cliques within a group, pull out the shy children, connect children together who otherwise would never talk together, and otherwise bring beauty and fun to a room!

The sanguine child is often full of noticing and observing. These children will notice if you look tired or if you wear a different pair of earrings or what really happened to the little bird that had a nest in the bush outside the door. They often have a million observations and it is so fun to hear!

The downside of the sanguine child is for all their noticing, sometimes they can be just indifferent (okay, yes, and a little shallow) socially as they flit to the new best friend and drop their old friend like a hot potato. They really need social help sometimes to see that they hurt someone’s feelings or the pattern they are leaving in their wake. This is particularly important during the middle school and early high school years leading up to the 15/16 year change. Don’t just let them go without any kind of an eye on what they are creating socially. Many sanguine children do seem loyal on the surface, because they are the ones to remember birthdays and find out how things are with their friends, but often lack the deep skills to solve conflicts well or repair relationships in the preteen or teen years and need some guidance.

As mentioned above, the sanguine child often is the one to remember festivals, birthdays, and holidays. They can be very organized in terms of festivals and holiday celebrations and in making everything beautiful. Outside of those occasions, they may need help following things through. So, when your sanguine child begins something (okay, 20 somethings :)) do help them follow through and make priorities in picking the “best” idea out of the many ideas. It is easy to begin things or think of a million ideas; it is not always so easy to bring things to fruition. Contrary to popular belief, sanguine chidlren can be deep thinkers. However, they do need help to not just flit onto the next thing. I think sometimes in the home environment we need to do a better job with our sanguine children in assigning things and helping them complete it and turn it in, especially from fourth or fifth grade and up, and certainly in middle school and high school.

The sanguine needs help with consistency; whether this be sticking to a rhythm or finishing projects or following through. This has to do with ignoring the impulse to jump around to the next thing that would be more fun! Starting things is fun! Helping them do this will help them grow up into a balanced adult.

I would love to hear your experiences with the sanguine child!

Blessings,
carrie

The Essentials of American Waldorf Homeschooling….According to Carrie

Posted on June 7, 2018 by Carrie

People have asked for a minimalist sort of guide to Waldorf homeschooling. What is really essential and what is not? How can I really break this down and begin? So I have pondered this quite a bit, and this is what is essential, at least to me from my knowledge of anthroposophy and my years of Waldorf homeschooling.

The General Ideas:

Know yourself, understand the developing spiritual human being, do your inner work, and teach to the child in front of you.
Work from whole to parts; experience things first.
Work simply and build up over time – high school is for the real analytical thinking. Youngers should be doing, middles should be doing and feeling deeply, high schoolers should be doing, feeling, and thinking. The whole curriculum is a spiral that culminates in high school.
Connect to your local place – the local flora and fauna, culture, topography.
Teach through the arts – drama, music, handwork, movement and games, modeling, painting, drawing, speech
Use sleep as your teaching aid

What’s Essential? I am talking about the super, really bare bones and the really iconic blocks. You can add lots of things, and there are great examples out there from varying Waldorf Schools and homeschoolers. Of course you need math and geography and science if those things aren’t mentioned (see the expanded lists); I am just talking about what I think really cuts to the essence for certain ages, especially for American homeschoolers.

When the children are younger, it is easier to plan more blocks. However, I think around fourth grade there is a shift and depth is always better than more blocks. In sixth and up, there are MANY blocks to choose from and I talk to mothers all day long who are trying to do All The Things. You cannot do All The Things. Pick and choose the essential for the child in front of you. So, this is my list that hopefully points toward some essentials but ultimately you choose what is essential.

First and Second Grade:

Fairy Tales and folk tales of animals
Nature Studies/animal tales/ First Peoples tales
Math with concrete objects.
Festival Life; Curriculum of the family and what family life values/boundaries

Third and Fourth Grade:

Old Testament/Hebrew Stories of dealing with separation and authority and the authority that comes from LOVE for those in the nine year change
Studies of First Peoples for the child’s locality – how do we live on the land and in our bodies? – to encompass fibers, shelters, food, perhaps measurement Local Geography. Birchbark Tales and the Children of the Longhouse as literature. First Peoples Tales.
Norse Mythology for those past the nine year change; Hero Tales that are legendary. Possibly the Popul Vuh.
Human Being for those past the nine year change as the role changes from “I am one with the world” to “I am steward of the world around me.”
Fractions and musical notation for those past the nine year change!
Curriculum of the Family – values and boundaries; growth mindset

(Expanded Ideas depending upon your family culture: Measurement; African Tales; continue with fairy and folk tales from different cultures).

Fifth and Sixth Grade: It starts to get tricky as there are so many blocks!

Tracing human consciousness through those Ancient Civilizations; Greek myths and history; I would argue for Ancient and Medieval Africa and the Maya civiliation for the development of American consciousness – specifically Sundiata and the Popul Vuh.
Rome and Julius Caesar; possibly the Han empire studies for the sixth grader; the lives of Buddha, Confucius, Jesus, and Muhammad (and the Golden Age of Islam). Writing.
Geometry and physics for the twelve year old.
Mineralogy for the twelve year old
Black and white drawing
I have been thinking about the way American Waldorf schools place a North American Geography block here as the extension after local geography. I think it might be more natural to study the geography of Central America in conjunction with the Maya and then branch into First Peoples of the Americans and geography in Seventh Grade as the precursor to Exploration and more modern ways of looking at North American Geography in seventh and eighth grade with history studies.
Curriculum of the Family; dealing with friends; boundaries; positivity; growth mindset

(Expanded ideas: Medieval studies; botany and continued zoology studies; ecology; decimals; business math with percents and ratios; astronomy with the naked eye)

Seventh and Eighth Grade:

Renaissance and Explorers (see note above about First Peoples and Geography – dont forget the First Peoples of Canada and South America if you are from the United States)
Epic tales of people’s bravery into new frontiers of not just physically conquering land but medicine and inventions
Literature and writing
Revolutions (American, French, Simon Bolivar, Industrial) and Modern History for American homeschoolers through contrasts) for the eighth graders right up through the War on Terror and digitality
The ideas of sea and sky through meteorology and oceanography and geography
Pre- Algebra for stretching thinking
Healthy living; boundaries; dealing with friends; what do good friendships look like

(Expanded ideas: More World Geography through contrasts; Writing traditionally done through wish, wonder, surprise block in seventh grade in Waldorf Schools and short stories in eighth grade; geography; continued zoology studies; continued botany studies, continued astronomy studies; modern history of varying parts of the world, peacemakers; physiology; chemistry; more physics; more geometry and nature; platonic solids of eighth grade)

Ninth and Tenth Grade:

Art History including American art for Americans as a way of tracing the consicousness of the world and specifically of our country; (Steiner’s indications covered mainly Greek through Renaissance in Western Art)
Comedy and Tragedy for the ninth graders
Black and white drawing for the ninth graders
The biological sciences for both grades; tenth grade embryology; ecology
Tenth grade back to the geography and history of those Ancient River civilizations
Epics for the tenth grader but the inclusion of modern epics in addition to ancient ones; the Greeks and modern civics for tenth graders.
Outdoor and service experiences.
Algebra and Trigonometry for the development of thinking.
Tools for healthy communication, self-care, and healthy intimate relationships

(Expanded ideas: earth science throughout both grades, physics throughout both grades, chemistry throughout both grades; computer science; Inventions; Shakespeare; )

Eleventh and Twelfth Grade:

Parsifal and Hamlet for the eleventh graders
World religions; I like the ideas of social justice and topics regarding minority rights for Americans for the twelfth graders – modern history from a modern perspective
Faust for the twelfth graders.
Logic
Self portraits.
Outdoor and service experiences, social activism.
Possibly calculus and atomic theory for really stretching thinking depending upon the child
Child development. Development through the lifespan.
Ecology.
In place of transcendentalist writers in twelfth grade, I might actually choose Faulkner and Thomas Pynchon. I need to think on that more.
Tools for healthy communication, self-care, and intimate relationships
Tools of good leading and being part of a team

(Expanded ideas: Roman and Medieval History; Chaucer and Dante: Modern European Literature; Transcendentalist writers; Chemistry; Biochemistry; physics; zoology; botany usually brought in eleventh grade; earth science; world geography; computer science)

I think this list could be a good start for American homeschoolers anyway. What’s on your list of essentials?

Love,
carrie

Joyful June

Posted on June 3, 2018 by Carrie

May was kind of an end of the year whirlwind for us, and so I am so happy to have June arrive. The world is bursting with green, the lakes and streams are overflowing, the days are humid and hot, there is sunshine and rain. The days are long and full of sunshine, and everyone is happy to be out in the hot sun and in the water.

Our goals this lazy month include being outside and in the lake and pool as much as possible; to have picnic dinners; to finish up some medical appointments for the children, and to generally have as much fun as a family as possible. The adults are hoping for some wonderful child-free time this month and some dates; we are all hoping to move and exercise a lot this month and just enjoy that feeling of being alive and the sense of growth and throwing off the stagnation of winter. In other words, celebrating the slow summer.

This month we are celebrating:

Major feasts/holidays:

9- St. Columba – there is a little story here and we will make a little moving watercolor picture with a boat and dove

11 – Feast of St. Barnabas – St. Barnabas was an encourager, so I am thinking along the lines of having a family night with games and fun and encouraging each other and really celebrating us as a family. I have a number of photographs of our family we never framed and hung, so that could be another project!

14- Flag Day

17- Father’s Day

21 – Summer Solstice

24 – The Nativity of St. John the Baptist/ St. John’s Tide (see this back post for festival help!)

29- The Feast of St. Peter and St. Paul

Minor feasts we will celebrate mainly through stories:

12- St. Enmegahbowh – first Native American priest in the Episcopal Church of The United States

19- Sahu Sundar Singh of India- I found a book here

22- St. Alban – an interesting You Tube video filled with giant puppets to celebrate St. Albans Day in England!

(here is the aside note about these feast days: – I have had a few folks ask me about the Calendar of Saints in the Episcopal Church…The Episcopal Church USA is part of the Anglican Communion, which is an international association of churches composed of the Church of England and national (such as Canada, Japan, Uganda, for example) and regional (collections of nations) Anglican churches. Each province, as it is called, is autonomous and independent with its own primate and governing structure. So, different feast calendars within the Anglican Communion share the Feast Days and Fast Days listed in the Book of Common Prayer, but there may be “lesser feasts and fasts” as well. The Archbishop of Canterbury and the Archbishop of York are our “primus inter parus” (first among equals) but hold no direct authority outside of the England, but is instead a force of unity, vision, persuasion, for the entire Communion. We don’t really govern off of creeds, for example such as the Westminster Catechism in Presbyterianism, but find “the law of praying is the law of believing” and therefore The Book of Common Prayer is our way. The Anglican Communion has in it elements of the Reformation and Anglo-Catholicism, depending upon the individual parish, but it is not “Catholic Lite”. It has a distinctive Celtic way to it as that was what was established long before alignment with the West. We pray for the unity of the Church (the whole of Christendom) and therefore “Anglicans have preferred to look for guidance to the undivided church, the church before it was divided by the Reformation and especially to the first centuries of the church’s life….to “tradition”, the worship, teaching and life of the church in its early days.” (page 65, Welcome to the Episcopal Church by Christopher Webber. Hope that helps!! ))

Ideas for Celebrating June:

Here we are going to the lake and pool, gardening, camping, going to water and splash parks, kayaking, and mini golf!
Blueberry Picking – Strawberries are about done where we are, but blueberries are coming soon
Try out different popsicle and cold drink recipes
Gardening – especially with an eye to our friend the bee
Hunt fireflies at night
Stay up and gaze at the stars
Have bonfires and camp fires and make s’mores
Go camping or camp in your backyard
Summer puppet theater outside! Shadow puppets!
Lavender! We are making soap with lavender!
Celebrating nature!