The Simplicity of Parenting

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Sometimes I wonder why we make parenting so hard on ourselves.  Seriously!    Do the indigenous tribes of the world  sit around and read a million books on breastfeeding, and then co-sleeping and then how to parent and how to be gentle and educational methods and how to raise productive citizens?  No, of course not. They have each other, they have traditional ways of doing things, they have elders who help, they have huge close communities.

Our problem is that we have lost our way in our society and we are  re-creating the parenting wheel ourselves, bit by bit, in our own homes.   The wonderful book “The Spiritual Tasks of the Homemaker” by Manfred Schmidt-Brabant is precisely about this subject.   We have lost so much of the intrinsic, the from the heart parenting, that sometimes we wonder if we will ever see it again.  And in the meantime, our children look to us to lead and to guide and to love and to cherish them.

Here are some rules of simplicity in parenting that really struck me tonight:

Love your child. Hold your child, tell them you love them, breastfeed them, sleep with them, be close to them.  Look at the world from their eyes, but do not assume they feel about things as you do or understand the things you understand – they are not a miniature extension of you, they have not had your experience, they have a different consciousness!  Respect them, and also respect them enough to know when they need you and your gentle help to guide them.

Enjoy life and be confident in your life!  Enjoy your children. Don’t you think they know when in your heart you feel irritable, trapped, resentful, wondering where your life is?  If you cannot enjoy this life that you were given, please, please, help yourself out.  Discuss your feelings with your spouse and with your extended family, find a friend to talk to, find a mother’s helper for  a few hours each day, talk to a counselor, go see a doctor to rule out any physical causes of depression, create a community for yourself.   Your children deserve a whole human being, a whole beautiful and wonderful and wise woman to take care of them!

Re-frame your own attitude. Parenting should not be the end of your life; parenting is just the beginning!  Find things for you that you need to do to be that whole person, work with your spouse or a friend to make it happen, but also realize this is BIGGER than just you; this is not all about you; it is about these wonderful spiritual beings that decided to come and be with you and be a part of your family!  Family is a bigger and more beautiful thing than you alone!

Know that you set the tone in your home.  Men do things differently than women, they parent differently; so why nag?  Where and what does nagging get you?  Model and set the tone.  Healthy eating, healthy sleeping, healthy communication, rest, peacefulness, fun together, joy, being outside:  the keys to a healthy life no matter what your age!

Find the positive.  Find the positive intent.  Instead of assuming the worst of your children, your spouse, the friends you thought you had, assume something positive.  Assume the people who love you want to help you, that they do support you and understand you. Cut those people some slack; we are not perfect beings in this perfect world!    Maintain some of a feeling of joy and innocence regarding your world, it is possible!  Look at the possible  needs behind your child’s behavior and don’t discuss it with them, for heaven’s sake, but use it to help  guide your child!  Uplift your child, move and dance with them and love them  to where they are supposed to be in life and who they are unfolding to be!

Love your children, love yourself and love each other.  Simplicity in parenting!

Blessings to you all,

Carrie

The Power of Being A Positive Mother!

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Today we had some friends with their children  over to swim and I looked around in amazement at how much the children  had grown – how many of them have already “thinned out”, how many were all legs and such.  It was truly a time to enjoy the marvels of their healthy bodies running and playing and swimming under the sun.

And what I realized in that shining sunlight was that these were what a friend of mine would call “tender and precious” children.  It is not that these children don’t have their own bumps in the path, or their times of disequilibrium as they grow and mature, but that they are truly tender and precious – just like their beautiful, wise and wonderful mothers!

Because all of us are spiritual beings on a spiritual path.  My path is to draw closer to God throughout my lifetime.  How much are we called to be positive beacons for our children,  to lift our children up to the next level, the next place, to support and love unconditionally?  How much are we called to just love one another and these beautiful beings who chose to share their souls with ourselves and within our family?

There are so many myths surrounding motherhood in our society – that motherhood somehow forces a woman not to use all of her skills, that motherhood somehow stunts a woman’s growth in her life, that motherhood is somehow “just being a mother”.

We have the unique opportunity to model for our children the very best qualities of ourselves and our society.  We have an incredible opportunity for self-examination and self-discovery.  Why does this behavior bother me so?  How can I surrender myself and decrease myself and increase my neutral, calm, centered peacefulness more?  How can I be a better listener?  How can I use less words but still gently guide my child as needed?  Motherhood  provides us the opportunity to ask the difficult questions of our own values and priorities and really solidify that.

Being a positive mother is one of the most wonderful gifts you can give your children.  Use your words so wisely, so carefully with your tender and precious children.  We are all adept at finding one another’s faults, those weaknesses.  Back off and also see the good, see the wonderful moments as they are.  See the things that people say to you with the best underlying intention that you can imagine. See the things your children do with the best underlying intention possible.  As a Waldorf parent, I believe that small children are truly neither good nor bad, but again, on this spiritual path and learning.  I have tremendous influence here.  I am a woman of worth for my children and my family. 

Encourage your children, encourage other mothers, encourage your spouse and encourage yourself. 

Be wonderful in living this moment together,

Carrie

A Review: “In A Nutshell: Dialogues with Parents at Acorn Hill”

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I had a reader from Down Under ask my thoughts on this book as it would be expensive to buy it and have it shipped. 

Let’s take a quick peek at this little book:

It is about 91 pages long, and is formulated in a series of questions that parents ask and the author answers.

The Table of Contents:

(after the Foreword, the Preface, the Introduction):

Our Classroom Environment

Color in the Classroom

Why Curtains?

Teachers’ Dress

The Significance of Candles

Naming the Teacher

No Cars and Trucks?

What About Puzzles?

Musical Instruments in the Classroom

Work and Play at School

The Rhythm of the Morning

Saying, “You May”…

Ironing in the Classroom:  Danger?

Boys and Waldorf Education

Playing Cats and Dogs

Music in the Mood of the Fifth

Can Energetic Boys Enjoy Handwork?

Gun Play at School?

Field Trips?

Fairy Tales for Young Children

The Challenge of Circle Time

Puppetry and “Told” Stories

Children at Home

Colors for a Child’s Bedroom

Older and Younger Siblings

Boredom

Telephone

Bedtime Ritual

Feeding a Child

Swords vs. Guns

TV Away from Home

Barbie

Forbidden Words?

Appropriate Gifts

“What Did You Do in School Today?”

Toys in the Neighborhood

Helping Children in a Time of Trouble – A Few Thoughts

Is the World a Good Place?

In Conclusion

About the Author

 

I have enjoyed this book and there is much food for thought here; however I do think many of these questions can be answered either by reading Steiner’s works or some of the classic Kindergarten Years texts that are out there such as “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher”, “Heaven on Earth”, or “Beyond the Rainbow Bridge.”   There is also a wonderful service available to us with free on-line articles of “Gateways” (a Waldorf Early Years publication) available through www.waldorflibrary.org that frequently addressed these types of questions.  Also, I would encourage you all to join some of the “National” waldorf group lists – Melisa Nielsen’s list homeschoolingwaldorf@yahoogroups.com; Marsha Johnson’s list at waldorfhomeeducators@yahoogroups.com or Donna Simmon’s paid subscription forum at  http://www.waldorf-at-home.com/forums/

On the other hand, if you are planning on enrolling your child within a Waldorf school setting, this work may answer some of the typical questions parents have from a classroom perspective.

Hope that helps,

Carrie

Mindful Parenting Practices That Every Parent Should Know

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1. Love and warmth for your child – warmth and love not only in your actions, but in your word, in your head and in your heart.  Do you love and adore your child?  Or do you secretly ( or not-so secretly??)  feel negatively toward your child?  Waldorf parenting and education views that there are no difficult children, although children can certainly have difficult behaviors!  You don’t don’t have to love every behavior, but love your child!  Give your child that warmth and energy and unconditional acceptance from your soul! How many positive things do you think and say about your child every day, especially compared to the negative things you think?!   Connect with your child, love your child, enjoy your child.

A child under the age of 7 is often seen within Waldorf parenting and educaiton as more of “neither inherently good nor bad” – rather a child that is learning and  that needs gentle guidance.

2.  Protection of the child’s senses – there are 12 senses to be protected, and the small child has no filter to “screen” things out.  This is why repetition, being home, sameness is so important to the young child.  I am going to write a post on the 12 senses soon based on some things we recently talked about in Donna Simmons’ Waldorf At Home Conference.

3.  Humor, Happiness, Joy!  Your house should have a soul-quality of warmth, humor, joy.  How many times a day do you laugh with your children?  How many times a day do you smile at them?  How often do you hug them or kiss them?  How many times a day does your children feel the joy that comes from being a family together?  You don’t need a lot of words, but to be able to exude that feeling of joy, that the world is a good place!

4.  Cultivation of gratitude is of paramount importance in the first seven years as the basis of love in the next seven year cycle and of the feeling of dedication and loyalty in the cycle after that…How do express gratitude to your children?  To your spouse?  Do you wonder at things together and find thankfulness in the everyday of your lives?  Are you doing any of kind of inner work, spiritual work?

5.  Rhythm is essential.  I am not going to go into everything about rhythm here, as there are many, many posts on this blog about rhythm, but understand this is the place that can carry so much for you without much effort if your rhythm is established.

6.  Don’t create the battlefield in your mind!  Get clear in your heart about how you feel about something, with love set it  forth and go have fun!

7.  Show your child some meaningful work, something than more than pushing a button to turn something on…..Cook together, garden together, be together in mass quantities of time.

8.  Look at play and fostering connection to nature as the essential work of the child during the years when they are small.

There are more things considered “essential” in the early years, but I feel these are the things that truly are of great importance, and also cause parents the most difficulty.

Mindful parenting, gentle parenting, loving parenting, can be a challenging path but so worth it!

Keep striving,

Carrie

Mindful Parenting

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As St. John’s Day calls us to be more inward and focused in the midst of outer expansion, perhaps a meditative focus for all of us as mothers could be contemplation of the phrase “mindful parenting”. 

What does mindful parenting mean to you personally?  To me, it means that I am in control of myself and my actions in front of my children, that I consider their feelings along with their needs, that I show my children empathy for their feelings, that I bring joy and laughter and warmth to my parenting.  To be a mindful parent, I must consider the “bigger picture” of parenting – where my children are developmentally, where they have been, where they are going, what their temperaments are and who they are as beautiful individuals and how we all work together in one family.  I must also consider my own “cup” – is it full, how do I get it full within the context of parenting?  I can be a beacon of light and love for my children when I am centered and calm and peaceful.

I feel blessed to be a parent, and I truly enjoy my children.  I think people have different ages of parenting they like and enjoy – my mother-in-law always says how wonderful she finds ages three and four, while other people I know really rather dislike these stages.  Some mothers have commented to me that teenagers are so difficult, and I have other friends who say they just love the teenaged energy in their home and want all of their teenager’s friends to come and hang out within their family!

Even if you are in a parenting stage that perhaps you are not particularly enjoying, perhaps here is a Waldorf parenting view you can take and use:  the notion that there really are no difficult children, but there are difficult behaviors that children show us.  When we break things down into a behavior and NOT the child, it opens a gateway so we can look at that behavior. Why is this behavior triggering me as a parent so?  What do I need in this moment to be more fulfilled and peaceful that is separate from what my child is doing? Is this an issue of safety?  Or is it an issue that just bothers me but I could gently direct it?  Do I have to direct it at all?  What is the need of the child under the behavior?  Is there more than one way to meet that need and am I comfortable meeting that need for my child and in what way?  Can my child meet their own need?  Can we work together so that in our family all of us can be happy and peaceful?

How can I use my words like pearls….instead of spouting off the book of lectures, can I use a few positively-worded phrases?  Can I be warm and loving and caring even if I have to set a limit?  Is the limit necessary at all?  I actually don’t use many limits in my family, our rhythm carries much of it, modeling carries much of it, love carries much of it.  We are respectful to each other.

These are the kinds of inward questions that shape my days of parenting, and the kinds of inward contemplation I do in my own parenting as we draw closer to St. John’s Day(Midsummer’s Day).

Thanks for reading,

Carrie

“What Is the Purpose of School?”

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http://www.lilipoh.com/articles/2009Issues/Spring2009/what_is_the_purpose_of_school.aspx

This is a great article from Lilipoh!  Enjoy!

Carrie

Summer Planning for the Five and Six Year Old Kindergarten Years

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We have been talking about summer planning on this blog for a few posts now and today I wanted to talk specifically about the five and six year old years and how planning might look.

One thing to immediately consider is if your state has reporting requirements for a certain age (in my state you have to start reporting for age 6).  How many days of attendance a year is required?  Take out a calendar and think about when you would like to generally start and end your school year (because in Waldorf we do REST over the summer!), when your vacations will be, and how many days you can plot out to meet those state requirements.  Get involved with your homeschooling organization in your state so you know what laws affect you, what is coming up – you are now part of a community of ALL homeschoolers, whether the other homeschoolers use Waldorf or not!

Think about the goals you have for your child.  What do they need to work on in the realms of gross motor, fine motor, in language, in social settings, from a spiritual/religious perspective, in creative play, in ordering of thoughts (the basis of pre-mathematical thinking)?

Secondly, look at what festivals you would like to celebrate and start making monthly headings with the festivals you will be celebrating each month.  For example, perhaps you will celebrate Michaelmas, Martinmas, Advent, St. Nicholas Day, Candlemas, etc.  Mark those down under each month and make sure you give yourself a couple of weeks to plan baking, cooking, arts and crafts and other things around these festivals.

Now turn to your daily rhythm and  think about how you will call and start school each day.  Will you have a song you sing, a chime, a drum? Will you light a candle? Will you always sing the same song or use songs that change monthly in accordance with the season, month or festival?  Will you do circle or finger plays or some sort of movement to warm up the body and will these always be the same or will they change monthly?

Will you do your practical work next or will you do a story first?  Your story can be the same for a whole month, although depending on what festival is during the month you may want to do a fairy tale for two weeks and then a festival story in the weeks leading up to the festival. Verses are a great way to bring in counting, mathematical ordering, the rhythm of language and rich vocabulary.   

Your practical work will follow the same rhythm each week, but the activities will change in accordance with the seasons or festival coming up.  So you may have baking, gardening, arts and crafts, handwork, painting – but each week will be something different.  It takes time to plan these things and make supply lists to make sure you have the things you need on hand. 

Lastly, make sure you have a way to end your school day, whether that is again with singing or a verse or a chime.

Look at each day of your week and plan outside time, and what afternoon you may be out of the house.  Remember, the five and six year old needs rhythm, repetition, warmth! 

The six-year-old can probably start to handle some field trips to orchards for apple picking, or the nature center, but always keep in mind what you are trying to accomplish!  It is still not the time for explanation, but for doing.  Make a fishtank or pond.  Feed the birds and make bird treats.  Take care of animals, hike and be in nature, look at the stars and planets with the naked eye, have your child do chores, grow a garden.  Look for those longer and more involved fairy tales to tell and longer and more complex projects for the six-year-old. 

Happy Planning!

Carrie

Summer Planning: Waldorf and the Early Years

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For those of you doing “summer planning” and are feeling stressed out by planning for the Waldorf  Homeschooling Kindergarten for the 4, 5 and 6  year old year, I have a few words for you all. (And PS, I am not sure you have to do too much “special planning” for the four year old except for a daily time of lighting a candle and telling the same story for a month in addition to your rhythm – most mothers of four-year-olds are still working hard on their rhythms and that is the most vital piece!)

Foremost in your mind as you plan, even for the “big” six-year-old, keep in mind the hallmarks of Waldorf Education for these ages:

1.  Imitation, not words.  Show, help gently but don’t so much direct with your words.  Use your words for singing, for verses for transitions, for

2. A steady Rhythm of work at home, outside time, play and SLEEP and REST. Sleep and rest come up time and time again in Waldorf Education throughout all the grades, this is a very important piece to work with in the 4,5, and 6 year old who is no longer napping!

3. Warmth – yes, bodily warmth and soul warmth.

4.  Protection of all 12 Senses – the small child has no FILTER.   This is why the small child does not need “field trips” to stimulating places, and needs repetition and warmth and being at home.

5. Movement – a child under the age of 7 communicates in a PHYSICAL way, in the PHYSICAL realm!

6.  Enlivening the imagination through singing, verses, fingerplays, stories

7. Setting boundaries – where are you struggling in creating your peaceful home life and what boundaries do you need to set in a LOVING, WARM, and gentle way?  Somehow people seem to think these two things are exclusive and separate from each other, but they are not! You can do this because you are the parent, and you have this tiny 4,5, or 6 year old!

8.  Your meditative work:  The World is Good Place.  And if you cannot really think this in your thoughts, than that is your own personal work.  Goodness, truth and beauty go through all the years of Waldorf Education.

It is not that Waldorf educators do not believe that a child COULD learn whatever they want to learn or ask to learn, but that it is HARMFUL for the future stages of their growth to do so.   Steiner had a very high opinion of children and thought they were extremely smart, that they were the teachers of us in many regards!  However, if your child asks to stay up all night, or eat chocolate cake for every single meal for a week, chances are you will say no.  In this regard, Waldorf education takes the health of the child as paramount importance. 

The 4,5, and 6 year old child is NOT a miniature adult that needs “filling up” and just lacks experience!  The 4,5, and 6 year old child requires an entirely different way of being dealt with by adults. This is where Waldorf is  so successful and so many of the “talk your child with logical reasoning when they are not logical” and “fill up their heads with factoids” leads to children who are completely burned out by age 8 or 9 with academics, and children who are old before their time.  I have seen it time and time again! 

Required summer reading for you if you have children in this age range:

Steiner’s “Kingdom of Childhood” and   “Education of the Child” and

Rahima Baldwin Dancy’s “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher”

If you get really ambitious try “Waldorf Education: A Family Guide” and reassure yourself that the pink bubble of Waldorf Kindergarten does not last forever, but does indeed serve an essential place.

More about summer planning for the five and six year old soon,

Carrie

A Non-Waldorf View of NOT Pushing Early Academics

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See this blog post over at MommyErin:

http://mommyerin.blogspot.com/2009/06/push-for-early-schooling.html

For those of you who are not Waldorf, but still thinking about child-led learning and such, this may be good place for you to start.  In Waldorf our perspective is a bit different, but I thought this was still a post worth mentioning for you all.  Erin is a frequent reader of this blog as well!

Cheers,

Carrie

Summer Teacher Planning – A Few Inspirations from a Waldorf Point of View

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I hope all of you get a chance to relax and refresh yourselves this summer as a family.  A large part of Waldorf Education is using sleep – and rest- as a way to further the educational and academic experience of the grades.  We see this not only in the use of the three-day- rhythm but also in the use of a summer break.  Your children will not lose anything academically, but instead will be farther ahead than where you left them when school starts up in the fall again!

However, from a teacher perspective, I do hope you talk to your spouse, your family members and work out time for YOU to do some planning for fall and next year’s school time ALONE.  This is very important for the homeschooling teacher – we have not only school to run, but a household to run, and most importantly, time as a family to be strengthened and enjoyed together!  Homeschooling is first and foremost ALWAYS about family!

In the wonderful book, “Examining the Waldorf Curriculum from an American Viewpoint” (Kellman, Staley, Schmitt-Stegman), part of the book entails the translated “Working Material for the Class Teacher: Forming the Lessons of Grades One through Eight” as translated by Mel Belenson and which can be read for guidance and thought on this subject.

“The more the teacher works on his preparations the less demands he will make on the children.  He works with their time- not his!- in an economical way.  What the teacher can and should do for the children, without their being present and perceiving it in a conscious right way to structure the lesson to daily inner occupation with the individual children, thus going from thoughts to the deepening of the thoughts to meditation.  The sequence of these efforts, which for the teacher is economical, must be discovered by each one individually.  For the teacher it is again a question of working economically.”

(page 14)

The pointers following this paragraph are briefly entailed here as follows:

1.  Study the knowledge of man, meditate on this and remember creatively the knowledge of the study of man.  The teacher should always be working out of an understanding of the knowledge of man.  In other words, one should be reading Steiner and what Steiner had to say on the blocks you are attempting to prepare before you turn to other sources.

2.  Begin early to start collecting material – it takes time to find the right poems, the right verses, to find the right emphasis and presentation of history.  We are not trying to overwhelm children in Grades One through Eight with factoids and information, but to pick the things that most greatly illustrate the subject and to light the fires of imagination and learning.

3.  Use your overview from material collection and contemplation to fashion your blocks – once you know what you are going to cover and how, it is not hard to put the blocks together.

4. One should always be thinking of how the knowledge of man and how the preparation of material leads to the soul development of the children and the way one will guide the children around this subject.

5.  Look at alternating the teacher presentation with the child’s own writings, poems, sketches, pictures during the block.  Where is the active part of the lessons?

6.  The teacher must also be mindful of the school day, the school week, and the school year – what will be accomplished, if this block was taught before how it resonated with the children.  “The value of review is often underestimated due to time considerations.  Whoever undertakes a review in a conscious and regular manner will come to see that the preparation can really proceed faster and better because of it.”  (page 15).  How will you make time for review of the school day, week and year throughout the school year?

 

There is also a wonderful section of “Golden Rules”, starting on page 18 encompassing such nuggets of “Waldorf Wisdom” as:

1. In Waldorf Education, EVERYTHING connects to the human being.  All blocks, even science, are presented in this manner.

2.  First the child does and then the child understands.  (The Active always proceeds).

3. We work from whole to parts.

4.  “The world is beautiful” – “For the teacher there is the stumbling-block that he sees what is not beautiful in the world.  His task and his exercise will be to see the beautiful in everything and to point it out.  The child himself will then always want to do his work in a careful and beautiful manner and later, in a metamorphosis of this striving, will develop a hearty interest in the world.”

This is so difficult for many parents working with Waldorf: “But the fairy tales are not beautiful!”  “The trickster tales show the most awful side of humanity”. “I cannot work with the Old Testament tales.”

Meditate on this for the summer and see where you are!  It is that important; a keystone to your work in bringing this alive to your children and giving them the soul development so necessary!

5.  We present the material through pictures and warmth.

6.  Rhythm.

7.  Have a practical life in mind – we develop the willing, the feeling, the imagination and warmth as “strongly as the intellect.” Waldorf Education is a HOLISTIC education focusing on the health of your child not only today but for his or her future as an adult! 

8.  From knowledge to knowing!

A few thoughts for Summer!  Happy planning,

Carrie