Planning Waldorf Second Grade

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There are several things to keep in mind whilst planning second grade for a seven and a half or eight-year old: one is what academic and practical skills one will be teaching, and the other is through what vehicle one will be teaching through.  The “vehicle” in second grade is the stories of Saints contrasted with the trickster tales of the animals, perhaps Celtic fairy tales or the wonderful King of Ireland’s Son, nature stories for Science, a few gnome or other types of stories for math.  The way you “drive” this vehicle is through art, movement, rhythm, in-breath and out-breath. 

There can be a wide disparity where second graders are academically.  I have a very fluent reader who can read anything she would like, (including things I have to hide because I feel the themes are just too mature at this time as they involve great sympathy with a main protagonist!).  Remember, we are still working within fairy tales to a certain extent, and moving into fables and folklore as our main thrust this year due to the spiritual and soul development of the eight year old.  For my second grader, we will continue to introduce some simple grammar and punctuation, writing longer summaries and paragraphs, higher level vocabulary.  Another child may still be working on reading what they have written and more simple phrases. 

For math, one is most likely working with a  deepening understanding of the times tables  as taught rhythmically and by heart, mental arithmetic,  place value, simple money sums, development of symmetric form drawing, translating large numbers into words and vice versa, moving from the horizontal kinds of math problems to the vertical.

For science, one is looking at more pointed nature tales with characteristics of the animals.  I personally am also looking at bringing a Spring block of the 4 elements with lots of play and building of projects (again, may not completely coincide with the Waldorf curriculum at a Waldorf school). 

For social studies, one is still looking at  local geography through actually being outside and using the 12 sense to observe local flora, fauna and weather,  and through the tales of local folklore, including local American Indian stories.  For example,  I live in an area where the Cherokee used to live, and we will be doing a block of Cherokee Trickster Tales.

Other activities that may round out your curriculum may include continuing with a pentatonic instrument or learning a pentatonic scale on a blowing instrument, kinderlyre instruction, knitting with knit stitch and purling, introducing three secondary colors with wet-on-wet painting, modeling with beeswax, games including jump rope, hop scotch, rhythmic games, seasonal festival preparation and arts and crafts and cooking and baking.

Once you decide what academic or practical skills one is teaching, then one must decide HOW to bring this.  Will you use Fables as a Nature Block, or a Language Arts block?  Will you use Trickster Tales as a way to pick forms out of the stories for Form Drawing or will you use Nature Stories?  These are the questions that make the curriculum come alive for you and your family.

Here is an outline of what I am planning as I write my own curriculum, and this is not set in stone as I have only written September and October so far!!  I do try to plan each day around Head, Heart and Hands and also to find the ACTIVE part in all the lessons.  Very important!

(Totals are around  8 weeks of Form Drawing plus weekly Form Drawing some blocks, 14 weeks of Math, 9-10 weeks of Nature, 13 weeks of Language Arts which may very well not be enough for some children if this is a weaker area.  Eugene Schwartz has his second grade divided between 16 weeks of Math and 16 weeks of Language Arts, 6 weeks of Form Drawing and doesn’t include Nature/Science in the tally.)

September:  2 weeks of Form Drawing from Cherokee Trickster Tales and 2 weeks of Math (review Roman Numerals, moving from horizontal to vertical, review of 2s, 5s, 10s multiplication tables).  Family play for Michaelmas

Other work:  Wet on wet painting of geometric forms, Introduction to Kinderlyre, German and Spanish, Seasonal Arts and Crafts, gardening, cooking and baking

October:  4 weeks of a Nature/Language Arts  Block with writing in Main Lesson Book  from the Fables, work on simple grammar and punctuation and a bit longer summaries, will also wet on wet watercolor paint and model with beeswax as part of this block, pentatonic flute and singing, Seasonal Arts and Crafts, more gardening, cooking and baking, knit stitch to make hat, German and Spanish

November:  4 weeks of a Math Block, more Kinderlyre and  knitting, German and Spanish, cooking and baking and gardening (terrarium making!), weekly Form Drawing

December: 2 –3 weeks of a  Nature Block/Language Arts Block   from Saint Francis of Assisi, Advent Crafts, cooking and baking and such, German and Spanish.  Family Play for Advent. 

January:   end of December – January 2 weeks of Form Drawing,  4 weeks of Math Block, Kinderlyre and Sewing,  cooking and baking, German and Spanish, preparation for Candlemas, weekly Form Drawing

February:  3 weeks of a Language Arts block from Saints, Pentatonic flute and singing and more hand sewing,  cooking and baking, German and Spanish

March:  3 weeks of a Nature Block from the 4 Elements, probably no Main Lesson Book, will include nature games,    German and Spanish, cooking and baking, gardening, Easter Crafts, weekly Form Drawing

April:  4  weeks of Form Drawing from Jataka Tales, wet on wet watercolor painting, Knitting , Woodworking  and Gardening, German and Spanish,  cooking and baking

May:  4 weeks of Math, Pentatonic flute and singing, Gardening, cooking and baking, seasonal crafts for May Day, Whitsun, Ascension, German and Spanish.

June:  3 weeks of Language Arts from Saint Stories where cursive may be introduced ?? (still deciding!), Wet on Wet Watercolor Painting and Gardening, German and Spanish, cooking and baking, weekly Form Drawing, festival preparations for St. John’s Day.

As I have said, I have not written all of it yet, so I don’t  know everything yet!  It is just a skeleton work in progress!

Some resources that may assist you:

Grade 2 Curriculum Package from Donna Simmons:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/bookstore-for-waldorf-homeschooling/curriculum/2nd-grade.html

Grade 2 from Melisa Nielsen:  http://alittlegardenflower.com/store/

Eugene Schwartz Grade 2:  http://knol.google.com/k/eugene-schwartz/the-waldorf-curriculum-grade-two/110mw7eus832b/18#

Saints and Heroes from Donna Simmons:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/bookstore-for-waldorf-homeschooling/curriculum/2nd-grade.html

Grade 2 Math from Donna Simmons:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/bookstore-for-waldorf-homeschooling/curriculum/2nd-grade.html

Animal Tales from Donna Simmons:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/bookstore-for-waldorf-homeschooling/curriculum/2nd-grade.html

Teaching Mathematics in Rudolf Steiner Schools for Classes I- VIII by Ron Jarman

Hear The Voice of the Griot!  A Guide to African Geography, History, and Culture by Betty K Staley (Trickster Tales, Saint Stories, longer fairy tales for Grade 2)

Stories of the Saints – Siegwart Knijpenga

Teaching with the Fables: A Holistic Approach by Sieglinde de Francesca

Read-aloud List here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/29/great-books-for-second-grade-in-your-waldorf-inspired-homeschool/

Various festival books and book regarding tongue twisters and riddles to “warm-up”

Books of Games, singing games are especially nice

Gardening and Baking Resources

Norwegian, Jewish, African  and Swedish folktales and such – I am telling a tale for about three days in a row before Quiet Time throughout the year.

Sources of Nature, fables, King of Ireland’s Son if you are bringing that book as a block.

After you know how your blocks are laid out, you  can start going through and picking what stories and activities resonate in your soul, what you feel your child needs to hear and you fit it into a three-day rhythm of telling the story on the first day, artistic activity, and the academic piece on the third day.  You are always searching for the active, and adding in the artistic, the senses, the different ways to approach this.

For example, should you choose to use the fable “The Lion and the Mouse,” you may start the first day with a story of mice that incorporates their general characteristics and the modeling of a mouse out of beeswax and tell the story (Do NOT tell the moral to the child – that is for them to draw the conclusion!).  Flesh out the short fable so it is a real story with detail.  The second day you may re-visit the story and make a beeswax lion to go with the mouse.  Perhaps you act out the story with your child (only two characters, lends itself nicely to drama in a homeschooling environment!)  Perhaps you found a short poem about a mouse or a lion to share.  Then, the third day you can  re-visit the story with movement (how would the lion move and sit?  how would the mouse move?  what do their voices sound like?), draw a picture and have your child re-visit the story with you writing down what the child says and then distill this into two or three sentences on the blackboard for your child to copy.  Perhaps you play some rhyming games with the words, point out punctuation, look for doing words if you decided to bring the different types of words to second grade (or not!  perhaps you wait on that until Third Grade).  Much of this depends on what speaks to you as a family and to your child.  You are the parent, and you are the expert on your child and what they need to hear!

I am just a homeschooling mother like you, and planning just like you.  I suggest if you are very confused you contact one of the national Waldorf consultants (Barbara Dewey, Donna Simmons, Melisa Nielsen, David Darcy, Eugene Schwartz) to help you.  The little bit of money for a half hour consultation may save you so much money in curriculum spending and in  time.

Happy Planning,

Carrie

A Waldorf Parenting Perspective: Won’t Choices Strengthen My Child’s Will?

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In our society today, we tend to think that offering choices to children is what prepares them best for later decision-making. 

In Waldorf parenting, we tend to think that children under 7 can handle small choices, such as do you want your water in the red cup or the blue one but we don’t always offer an alternative to water if water is what we feel the child should be drinking.  We don’t always offer a whole heap of explanation either; it may just be built into the rhythm of the day that we have juice with breakfast and with all the other meals we have water.  The choice may be to wear a green sweater or a blue one, but not whether to wear the sweater at all as we work with the concept of warmth in the family.  The same thing goes toward such things as setting awake times and bed times, rest times after lunch and times of in-breath or out-breath.  The Waldorf parent feels the healthiest way to teach a child is not through an adversarial relationship regarding these things, not by having a battle of wills, but by having the rhythm of our day do the talking so to speak.  One does not argue with the seasons changing, the sun going down and the moon coming up, and one becomes a rhythmical being by practicing rhythm as set.  Negotiation regarding things sets in more somewhere after age 10, and certainly as the child heads into the third seven year cycle, more and more choice heads into it all.  There seem to be many Waldorf homeschoolers of age 14-16 and older who are very independent, well-adjusted individuals capable of mature decision-making.  I believe this is due to the foundation laid in these early years.

The physiology behind the small choices offered to a small child have to do with Steiner’s view of the seven year cycles.  A small child functions in the will, in the body, in the limbs and not in the head.  Decision-making comes in during third seven year cycle around the age of 14.  If you need further assistance with this notion as seen through the lens of the three-and four fold human being, please do see this post regarding some of Eugene Schwartz’s wise words:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/24/waldorf-education-adhd-and-what-the-parent-of-the-normal-child-can-learn/

These words that Eugene Schwartz wrote might in particular speak to you if you have familiarity of the three-and four-fold human being:

“On what basis will a seven year-old make a choice? Invariably, on the basis of sympathy and antipathy. And whence does he get this sympathy and antipathy? From his astral body, that is, from a member of his being that should not be “activated” until adolescence. An analogy might prove helpful here:

We can think of the child’s astral body as “soul principal” which is being held in a “cosmic trust fund” until such time as the youngster’s lower members are developed enough to receive it, i.e., ages 13-15. As is the case with a monetary trust fund in an earthly bank, it is the trustee’s responsibility to see that the principal is not disturbed for the apportioned period, knowing that the interest that it generates provides sufficient funds for the beneficiary’s needs. If, however, the trustee proves to be irresponsible, and the youngster for whom the principal is intended gets hold of it long before he is mature enough to make wise financial decisions, the principal will be drawn upon prematurely. In the worst case, the entire trust will be depleted, leaving neither interest nor principal at a time in the young person’s life that they are most needed.

In the course of healthy development, the young child has just enough astrality apportioned to her to sustain those organic processes requiring movement and catabolism, and to support such soul phenomena as the unfolding of interest in the world. And where do ADHD children have their greatest difficulties? In developing and sustaining any interest in anything for very long! The environments that we create for our youngest children, the way we speak to our grade schoolers, and our inability to differentiate between what is appropriate for an adult and not appropriate for a child – all of these phenomena eat away at astral “interest” early in life and devour astral “principal” long before it has ripened. By the time many “normal” young people are twelve or thirteen they seem to have lost interest in learning, or even in life; they have “been there, done that,” and take on a jaded, middle-aged attitude toward their own future. The ADHD child is only an extreme reflection of soul attitudes that will be endemic to many American children at the century’s end.”

Powerful and sobering words for us to think about as parents.

A way to help your child’s will be strengthened is to model having a will of your own – not a dictatorship, but not being completely wishy-washy about how things are done in your home.  Being compassionate, being a good listener, but also being able to hold the space in a loving way.

I would love to hear your thoughts,

Carrie

The Waldorf Baby: The First Year

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Here is a link to a great article by Donna Simmons of Christopherus Homeschool regarding the Waldorf baby and the first year:

http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/early-years-nurturing-young-children-at-home/the-waldorf-baby.html

There is also a link on there to an article I wrote regarding the impact anthroposophy has had on my work as a neonatal physical therapist:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/early-years-nurturing-young-children-at-home/the-waldorf-baby/not-too-hot-not-too-cold.html

And, of course, as a lay breastfeeding counselor and as an AP parent, I agree with the position Christopherus has taken regarding breastfeeding and co-sleeping!

Lots of food for thought in this article!

Happy Reading,

Carrie

Parenting With Courage

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You can be the parent you want to be.  Choose happiness and peace; choose to be calm in the face of a small child who is upset.  Choose to be loving and gentle.  You will never go wrong by showing your child compassion and love while also having a heart for knowing what will lift your child up and help your child within the developmental stage in which they are living.

I have some general thoughts about parenting with this kind of courage.  And this kind of parenting does take courage!  Many parents today are rushing about, attempting to placate their lack of a family life with their children through a myriad of outside the home activities and a myriad of material goods.

As always, start with yourself.  Do you have integrity?  Are you honest?  Do you have time for your family and friends outside of your immediate family who need your listening ear or your help?  Do you show your child that you help people?  Are you patient? 

Do you have a plan for parenting?  What will your child be allowed to do at what ages?  When will your child get to go to a sleepover, to see a movie, to get their ears pierced, to go on a date?   What tasks do you expect your child to do as part of the care of the household?   What things in your family are rites of passage?  Do you have a plan that encompasses an understanding of where a three or four year old is developmentally as opposed to a ten or eleven year old? 

Do you have warm and loving feelings toward your family, toward having children and raising children or do you feel trapped and isolated?  If so, how could you change that?  How could you radiate a positive attitude about mothering and about life?  Your children are watching  you and imitating your attitude!

Look at your home – is it peaceful?  Summer is here, and there are  still many weeks now before school starts (Waldorf homeschoolers at least take the summer off!)  You could really go through and organize and deep clean one room a week until school starts……Have the decluttered environment in your home you have always dreamed of!  You could also go through and put one small thing of beauty in each room – perhaps a small crystal, a flower in a small bud vase or something special to your heart.  You don’t need a lot of financial means to clear things out and put a few flowers around!  Remember, Waldorf is not about the wooden toys per say, but about understanding the essence of the developmental stages. 

Look at your children – are they happy, healthy and thriving?  What do they need to be in that place besides you centering yourself?  One area that I think helps besides just a lot of love and listening and compassion  is to give children work to do. 

If your child is three to six years of age, you may have to be right with them and holding the space, but I bet they can dress themselves with you watching, brush their teeth and floss their teeth with your help, brush their hair with your help, make their own bed with you on one side and them on the other, put plates and cups and bowls by the sink, help fold laundry and put it away, bring clothes to the laundry room for washing, dust, scrub the toilet, sweep, water plants at first with supervision and then by themselves and lots of other things!  One would never expect a three-year-old to just run off and do these things, but start building it into your rhythm.  We get up, we go the bathroom, we eat breakfast and get dressed or however you do it in your home – if it is part of the rhythm and you are there to do it first, to guide, to be there for them to imitate, it will become habit.

For seven to twelve year olds, your child could clean their rooms with help at first, doing it with you holding the space and then doing it on their own, they could wash dishes, load and unload a dishwasher, cook simple meals, and a myriad of other things. 

My almost eight year old asked my husband the other day if she would ever get a cell phone like Daddy and Mommy have.  My husband looked at her and said, “Yes, honey, when you can work and pay for the phone.”  Now, we don’t have as much need for a child to have a cell phone as we are not separated from our children due to school or at  other activities where we are not present in some form, but I still thought that was a great answer!  Teens can definitely work and pay for things – cell phones, car insurance, gasoline they use in the car and other things.  The teenaged years are practice for life, for managing money, for decision making, for understanding and yes,even experiencing the consequences of decisions.  It sounds difficult for a mother’s soul to hear when she has little ones, but it is the natural course of life. 

Summer is a great time to map out a plan to deal with whatever challenges your family is facing right now.  Be that positive light to uplift and embrace your child!

Until next time,

Carrie

The Wonder Years: Waldorf Homeschooling Grades One Through Three

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There seems to be a perception amongst mainstream parents that children within the first, second and third grades should be “buckling down and getting to work”, which essentially means loads of worksheets and sitting with pen and paper in hand.

I have a different view, one that coincides with the way the grades are laid out in Waldorf Education, and one I would like you to seriously consider.

You will never get the ages of 7,8 and 9 back.  Seven, eight, and nine-year olds are still small, believe it or not.  The way they learn best most likely is not pen and paper and workbooks.  This only involves the head, and  nothing about the rest of the body.  Most of us learn best when we involve as many senses as possible, so why would we not offer the option of learning through movement, art, music and yes, paper and writing as well to the smallest members of our schooling community?

Seven, eight and nine are still ages of wonder!  These are not the ages for stuffing facts into their heads.  This is the age for igniting interest, for providing those valuable hands-on experiences that stimulate wonder.

Some of the physiologic parameters are not even there yet for true “sit down learning.”  A seven-year –old can still be fairly distractible, an eight-year-old finally has the development of the eyes completed, the nine-year-old is starting to be on the threshold from feeling as if he is one with the Universe and everything in it.  To treat these seven, eight and nine year olds any differently is not in accordance with their developmental level.  It is rushing, it is putting the horse before the cart, and it will set you up for problems as you actually reach the stages for greater “head-oriented” learning.

Here are some simple suggestions:

1.  Find and plan the ACTIVE part of each and every lesson!  A Main Lesson does not mean just sitting and writing!

2.  Have respect for the attention span and fatigue factor of the seven, eight and nine-year old!

3.  Realize that not every block calls for a Main Lesson Book creation.  Third Grade is full of hands-on projects, building and farming and gardening.  These bodily experiences are just as important, if not more important, than sitting and writing.

4.  Ignite the WONDER!  You are not there to stuff facts, you are there to distill the essence of the subject down into your Main Lesson, you are there to give SPACE to the child to let them form their own conclusion. 

5.  Leave your adult baggage BEHIND!  They don’t need it (and truth be told, do you really need it as well?)  Saints are wonderful other-worldly beings that the eight-year-old can still relate to as they do battle with the more heavy side of being human, the Old Testament Stories are stories of a people and how they dealt (or didn’t) with such concepts as authority and law and place in society. 

6.  Utilize REST and SLEEP as the true learning aids that they are to education.  Waldorf Education utilizes a three-day rhythm (some Waldorf homeschool curriculums utilize a two-day rhythm simply because Waldorf at home is not Waldorf at school).  This is vital!

7.  Understand the big picture for the 7 and 8 –year old, and also for the nine-year change.  I guarantee it is not textbooks and worksheets and workbooks that will speak to their heart, their soul development and their developmental stage.  I recently had the pleasure of speaking to a young lady who just finished public school first grade and she told me excitedly that her teacher had made snow in their classroom!  (Yes, making snow is a BIG deal in the Southeastern United States because we don’t really get any that lasts for any length of time).   That was the thing she mainly remembered from first grade, that is the one thing she really carried with her from the whole school year!

Work for creating wonder, for respect for the fact that 7 and 8 and even 9 year olds are still small.  Plan ahead with your 7 and 8 year olds for what they will need for the nine-year change.

Happy pondering,

Carrie

“The Brain Trust”

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Not too long ago, my husband took me aside and talked to me about my life.  He essentially said there were several friendships and organizations he noted I was nurturing, but he could tell the effort I was putting forth was not being met equally from the other side.  (Has anyone out there ever had that experience?)  He explained to me that he would love to see my cultivate some friendships that were especially supportive to me and nourishing to me.  He asked me, “Who in your circle of friends truly nourishes you when you spend time with them? Have you seen any of them lately?”

Well, I sat down and made a list and then I picked three ladies off my list whom I don’t get to see as much as I used to, and I picked up the phone and called them.  We all agreed to meet for dinner at a local restaurant without our children for  true night out to nurture ourselves as women and as friends.

What a delightful and illuminating evening!  What wonderful, frank conversation we had as we discussed our lives and held council together.  Three wonderful souls surrounded me that night, and I hold them as my “brain trust” – the women with whom I can speak with and garner support from.

How much time are you spending on friendships or organizations or on things that are just not nurturing your soul?  Or, conversely, do you have any close friends whom you can really talk to?  I think every woman really needs that. 

My husband is my best friend, but he often reminds me men can be true problem solvers and not always as patient regarding the “venting” of life that another woman can provide.  Other women can give us strength and wisdom as we travel this path.

I urge you to connect with your close friends and value your relationship,

Carrie

Celebrating Summer With Small Children: A Waldorf Perspective

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PART ONE:  A PERSPECTIVE FOR PARENTS

The summer months are a time of natural, radiant light and outward expansiveness.  We are fully drawn out of ourselves and into nature and into basking under King Sun!  Yet, at the same time, Midsummer’s Day (also known as St. John’s Day or St. John’s Tide Day) marks the day where the light and darkness are equal and the hours of light actually become shorter each day as the world heads toward fall.  In this respect, we are called to make an inward inspection of ourselves and perhaps prepare ourselves anew with newly-found strength for the longer, darker days ahead.

Since in Waldorf parenting we start with the adults in the family as models for the children to imitate, I suggest as a meditative focus this summer for mothers to contemplate the phrase “mindful parenting”. 

What does mindful parenting mean to you personally?  To me, it means that I am in control of myself and my actions in front of my children, that I consider their feelings along with their needs, that I show my children empathy for their feelings, that I bring joy and laughter and warmth to my parenting.  To be a mindful parent, I must consider the “bigger picture” of parenting – where my children are developmentally, where they have been, where they are going, what their temperaments are and who they are as beautiful individuals and how we all work together in one family.  I must also consider my own “cup” – is it full, how do I get it full within the context of parenting?  I can be a beacon of light and love for my children when I am centered and calm and peaceful.

Even if you are in a parenting stage that perhaps you are not particularly enjoying, perhaps here is a Waldorf parenting view you can take and use:  the notion that there really are no difficult children, although  there can be difficult behaviors that children show us.  When we break things down into a behavior and NOT the child, it opens a gateway so we can look at that behavior. Why is this behavior triggering me as a parent so?  What do I need in this moment to be more fulfilled and peaceful that is separate from what my child is doing? Is this an issue of safety?  Or is it an issue that just bothers me but I could gently direct it?  Most of all, can I be warm and loving and caring even if I have to set a limit?  

Waldorf parenting in the Early Years focuses on creating love and warmth in the home; a feeling of joy and laughter and humor; a sense of gratitude and wonder for the children; imitation and less words; the physical environment being orderly; meaningful adult work; creative play; protection for the senses of the child.  How are these things shaping up in your household this summer?

These are the kinds of inward questions that shape my days of parenting, and the kinds of inward contemplation I do in my own parenting as we draw closer to St. John’s Day (Midsummer’s Day).

PART TWO:  CELEBRATING SUMMER WITH YOUR CHILDREN

On the lighter side of celebrating the summer, here are a few suggestions that may assist you in having a peaceful, happy and safe season:

· I recommend that parents look at holding some kind of rhythm over the summer that includes time during the day for inward activities as a balance to all the out-breath of activities.  These activities could include such things as keeping a time to tell a story each day; puppetry of beautiful tales; modeling with sand; creating little books out of watercolor- painted background paper with moving figures on craft sticks.  Having daily rest times after lunch out of the reach of the sun is also a necessity for each day, as is an early bedtime to recharge for the next day!

· The outward expansiveness of this time draws the children into nature and providing time for water play through use of walnut shell boats in a tub, play at the beach in the sand and the surf or at the lake is so important.  During these times, we must as parents be vigilant to protect our children’s safety around the water and also the children’s senses – warmth is still important in even in the summer as many children cannot feel how cold they are getting in the water and insist they are fine even if their lips are blue and their teeth are chattering!  Small children should still be wearing a sun bonnet as opposed to going bald-headed to also foster that sense of warmth and protection from the rays of King Sun.

· Another area to consider besides water play is the natural playscape of the garden and the berry patch. Picking berries, canning or freezing them and having the children help you in the kitchen to create delicious cobblers and pies are memorable experiences that can occur every year and build a rhythmic quality into your summer activities as a family.

· Gardening and including children within the garden spaces by planting sunflower houses, making houses with cloths over bushes or small trees and providing general spots for the children to be hidden away from the world and meld into the flowers are wonderful opportunities to connect with nature. Do you have these spaces available for your children’s play?

· Planting specific types of flowers to attract butterflies, bees and birds is a wonderful way to foster a close connection to the animal and plant world.  Small children under the age of 7 do not need to know all the names of the plants or birds, but they will remember what animals they see and the insect friends they find in the garden!    Hard, real work in the garden with your two hands and having equipment available for your children to assist you fulfills a quality in the young child of seeing real work being performed and later these gestures may come out in the child’s play.  Digging for worms and grubs while you garden is part of the fun for the small child, as is running in a sprinkler afterwards!

· As mentioned briefly above, this may also be a wonderful time to enliven your play areas both outside and inside. What areas do you have available in your yard for digging, creating sunflower houses or blanket forts? What areas do you have inside for creating art or other types of projects? If you sit down and create things yourself, you will suddenly have an audience that wants to create along with you!

· Creating a beautiful Nature Table where you can celebrate the “finds” of the summer is another traditional passage to mark the changing of the Seasons.  The Nature Table at this time may focus on the colors of King Sun himself, those colors of yellow, red, and orange fire! Shells, flowers you find blooming outside, a bowl of fruit could all be added to your Nature Table. Representations of a few summer creatures such as bees, snails or other animals in your area could also be added. You can make certain the mineral,plant, animal and human realms are represented in your Nature Table and add to it bit by bit over the summer months.

However, most of all, the summer can be a time to spend a quantity of time with your precious small children, to love and nurture them!

Have a wonderful summer,

Carrie

“Rite of Passage Parenting: Four Essential Experiences to Equip Your Kids For Life”: Heading Up to the Nine-Year Change and Beyond!

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HI am currently reading this book; it is a Christian book that comes from a Biblical perspective, but I feel even if you are NOT Christian you would  find it  fascinating! 

The premise of this book so resonates with me.  Walker Moore, the author, takes a close look at the difficulties our children are having today with the transition between childhood and adulthood and this odd notion of adolescence.  Adolescence was a term created in the early 1940s that did not exist before then.    He talks about how the transition of society from an agrarian focus to an industrial one has had dire implications for our children. 

He writes, “In the post-World War II era, as our culture completed its move from the farm to the suburbs,it managed to take away even more of our children’s responsibilities. The new suburbanites enjoyed the ease and comfort of their modern lifestyle.  Many of them were thankful that their kids didn’t have to work as hard as they had during their own grown-up years.  What the parents failed to realize was that this hard work had actually helped them in their progress toward capable, responsible adulthood.  The fifteen-year-old, once thought of as a man with adult skills who could drive and run a farm, was now stuck in high school and told he was “just a kid”.

Moore talks about the four essential experiences every child should have in order to transfer to being a successful, responsible adult:

1.  A Rite of Passage – Jewish custom demonstrates this rather clearly in the tradition of Bar Mitzvah, Hispanic culture demonstrates this clearly in the fifteen-year-old girl’s quinceanera.   Moore notes that we as a society have “begun to increase the age of expected adult responsibility while the age of physical maturity continues to drop.” (By this, he means the physiological signs of puberty are occurring earlier than they have in the past but we entrust our teenagers with less and less true responsibility and less and less let them experience the consequences of their own decisions). 

How will your family develop a rite of passage for your thirteen to fifteen-year old child?  Some families have developed their own rite of passage, some families have their thirteen to fifteen year old participate in a community service project.   Moore talks about for Christian families to consider sending  their thirteen to fifteen year old on a mission trip to another country.   Think about the importance of rites of passages  for your family and share your ideas in the comment section!

2. Significant Tasks – Moore writes on page 75, “Parents, let me ask you a question: What does your child do that demonstrates her worth and add value to your family?  If she were away today and unable to perform this assignment, how much would your family suffer?  If you struggle to come up with an answer, your child is probably missing significant tasks.”

Children in agricultural societies are important to the family.  If they don’t go out and gather firewood, then the family cannot cook their food.  In our modern, suburban civilization, children are seen as a financial liability and a luxury to have and raise by many people. 

This really resonates with me as I have been thinking more and more about the significant tasks my children should be doing each and every day.  Not all of us live on farms, so what is truly significant in your house and home?   What tasks are significant that just you couldn’t go without?  Moore talks about having his nine-year-old learn how to pay the electric bill with the checkbook and how this was significant because if the bill was not paid, the electricity would be turned off!

To me, cooking is a skill that could be significant for girls and for boys.  Unless you are a raw foodist, unless one cooks, one does not eat.    I believe Don and Jeanne Elium addresses cooking for boys and its importance in their book, “Raising A Son.”  Well-worth checking into!

Taking care of the grounds also resonates with me.  Pet care as well.  These are areas where the child starts by imitating you when they are young and slowly moves into responsibility as they mature past 7.

Laundry is another area.  Walker Moore says he feels an eight-year-old (Waldorf folks might be this age a bit  higher, like after the nine-year change)   should be capable of sorting, washing, folding and putting away their own laundry.  You may be to be present to keep it going along, but as homeschoolers I feel we have a unique opportunity to devote some extra time to these important life tasks.  I also like laundry because of its built-in natural consequences – if you don’t do your laundry, you have no clothes to wear!

3. Logical Consequences– He talks about how parents in our society today too often jump in  to “save” their children from the natural consequences of their own-decision making.

There are many parents who feel the foundation of childhood is laid in the Early Years and then you have to trust your child and let go.  I agree with this in a certain respect, although I do think the seven and eight and nine year olds still need guidance and protection.  In many Waldorf circles, the world starts opening up a bit more after the nine-year change, in the fourth grade when most children are 10.

I would love to hear from all of you – do you let your under 10 children go to sleepovers at friends’ houses, what things do they get to do when they are 7 or 8 that is different than before, or do you have them wait to do things until they hit 9?  Jump in on the comment section!

4.  Grace Deposits – Walker Moore’s way of talking about filling up your child’s love tank, their emotional bank account.  In Waldorf we don’t use so many words to do this with children under 7 , but we use our warmth, our joy, our happiness, the tone in which we speak to our children, the way we run as calm and steady a household as possible to show that our children are loved.

As your children grow and their temperament becomes more pronounced, we have the opportunity to figure out what really makes our children tick, even more than in the first seven years where we think we know as attached parents but honestly we don’t!  There is a big shift that comes at 7 and 8 as children move into themselves more…

The language we use with our children is SO IMPORTANT.  Frame things positively!  If you keep framing things about your child negatively, especially in front of the child, that is what the child is going to think of themselves.  Employ other adults outside of your family – friends, other trusted adults – to help you find the wonderful things about your child and build your child up as your child grows!   Steiner talked about the importance of building a supportive, trusted and wonderful community for the child of ages 7-14. Your child is a wonderful, spiritual being who joined your family and needs you to uplift them, guide them, help them!

This was an interesting book that stimulated much thought in me today,

Carrie

“Discipline Without Distress”: Chapter Two

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This chapter starts with these sentences:  “Anyone who has ever home schooled their children discovered that 24 hours a day means 24 hours.  The parent and child spend a lot of time together.  When I home schooled my children, their world was interlocked with mine.  We couldn’t spend that much time being mad at each other.  We had to learn to get along much more than the average family, who are apart for large amounts of time.  It was the same with the siblings.  Why spend the time fighting?  Instead, we put effort into building our relationship.”

Judy Arnall talks about no matter how wonderful your relationship is when things are going well, what counts is how family members communicate with one another when things are not going well.  I whole-heartedly agree.  This is important!  It is easy to be a great parent when things are going well, but harder to be centered and peaceful if your child is melting down, runs away from you in a parking lot, or is having a temper tantrum in the store.

The author makes a list of things that make up a relationship built on respect, honesty, equal rights, fairness, sharing feelings, taking responsibility and good communication.  She has eight pages of ideas for building bonds within the family, which range from anything from camping together to sharing feelings to  eating family meals together.

One “family builder” that she mentions which I so agree with is to make your family relationship your priority.  She writes, “Say “no” more often.  Most people value family life as their first priority but then take on too many outside commitments and over schedule their children in outside activities.  That leaves no time for family life.”  How many of you have found this to be so very true?  I have!

The author then goes on to address the discipline myths that interfere with building the bond, and in that section she talks about how children do not need punishment, but need opportunity for making amends.  This is a hallmark of Waldorf parenting as well.  She also de-bunks the myth of time-out, which I also agree with as the young child does not have the logical capacity to sit there and “think about what they did” and “reflect on how they would do it differently.”  The child has a completely different consciousness than an adult.

The other one in this section that I appreciated mention is the notion that children learn by watching how the world works.  Judy Arnall writes, “It’s more effective if children learn what is acceptable rather than what is unacceptable.  When we point things out to people, we give them the message they are stupid and can’t figure things out for themselves.  Children are intrinsic learners.  They will figure out what not to do if you show them what to do over and over again.  All criticism is negative, regardless of how “polite” it sounds.”

From a Waldorf parenting perspective, we think of less words and of modeling because children imitate what they see because they are a sensory being.  The notions discussed in this section of the book fit in well with that view-point.  Children learn self-control by watching YOU be self-controlled.  They learn how to be positive by YOU being positive. 

The author also mentions that there is no such thing as a parenting expert, that the expert on your child is YOU.  This is an interesting idea in this age of Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dear Abby, support groups and everything else. 

There is more in this chapter, including a lengthy discussion of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and an entire section of the impact of feelings on behavior, and communication and problem-solving to build relationships. 

Lots of happy reading,

Carrie

Weaning A Child Who Is Over the Age of 4

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This is another hard post to write as people feel so vehemently one way or the other about this subject. However, I am writing it because there is so little information available about this that applies to breastfeeding mothers nursing an “older child”  in an industrial society in our time, even though we know the “biological” age of weaning is two and a half to seven years of age.    Much of the work regarding nursing a child over the age of four looks at either non-Westernized societies (like I found a study on four-year-olds in Bangladesh who were nursing 8 to 9 times a day, many of whom  were assumed to be nursing due to being nutritionally stressed) or the work is more from an anthropological perspective, such as boys in royalty were nursed longer.

I am nursing my youngest, a  four and a half year old one to three or four  times a day right now.  My oldest child  nursed until she was a little over three years of age, weaned when I was on bed rest with  my second pregnancy, came back to the breast eight months later (and tried to remember how to nurse, LOL)  and attempted to nurse on and off until she was about four and three quarters.   Contrary to many people feeling uncomfortable about nursing a child over the age of 4, I don’t feel uncomfortable or badly about it.

I have many friends who have weaned children somewhere between the ages of 4 and 7.  People ask about child-led weaning; I have seen some children “wean  themselves” but the relationship there seemed to me to  always be a dance between mother and child with limits typically being set by the mother from an earlier age onward.  Many of the children who nurse frequently at the age of three or  three and a half seem to go on to nurse longer than those who are not nursing frequently at three and a half. 

I have one friend who wryly observes that her middle child, “was just sort of my experiment.  I set no limits on nursing at all, and he nursed until he was 7.”  (And this is a very structured, organized, limit-setting kind of woman!)    I have another friend who says that she feels most children after the age of 4 need some gentle assistance in weaning, and she feels there is no true “child-led” weaning unless you really do want to take that avid three and a half year old nursling and nurse them until they are 7 – and not everyone is comfortable with that.  There are older children over the age of three who do abruptly wean due to pregnancy or birth of a new sibling, but I have heard of these cases much less often than one would imagine.  However, these are not observations from a medical, scientific study – just what I have observed in my over ten years of working with breastfeeding mothers in lay groups and lactation settings.

Breastfeeding is a relationship between two people, and as such both parties deserve to have dignity and respect, especially the child.  The child may have high needs to be met, and some children have intense physiological sucking needs into the fourth year.  I am sure we can all remember children who sucked their thumbs until they were much older than four or five!  Some children have physiologic disease processes and truly need the antibodies that human milk provides.   The need for mother’s physical presence, for connection and the feeling of unconditional love and acceptance that comes from being at the breast is always there, always remains,  in these early years before adolescence.   The question becomes how comfortable one is using the breast to provide sucking, connection or closeness,  or  even antibodies,  as the child grows and matures. 

The question becomes how you feel in your heart.  Some mothers give a lot of “talk” to their child regarding weaning, “becoming a big boy or girl”, but truly feel conflicted in their heart.  They feel weaning is hard for the child, and they are not sure how to proceed without hurting the child or the child’s feelings, and they wonder how the relationship between themselves and the child will look once weaning is completed.  The mother and child have to find their relationship without that component of close connection, and this can feel challenging to both the mother and the child.

Instead of making this a time of conflict and ambivalence, I suggest several things:

1. Search your heart and see if you can see weaning as a process of opening the world to your child, of not “taking away” this precious relationship, but part of growing up, of expanding horizons.

2.  Do you love your child unconditionally at times other than when they are at the breast?  Does your love and warmth and respect for this child come forth?  If not, nursing may be how they are searching to fill this – that close and loving connection that occurs at the breast.  If you do want to wean, concentrate on your own positive thoughts toward your child and your relationship with that child first. 

3.  Search your heart and KNOW that your child (and you!) are going to be okay!  Find the positive ways your child can relax, go to sleep, handle the normal tensional outlets of each developmental stage and capitalize on that. 

4.  Work on discovering your child’s “love languages”.  If your child’s love language is “physical touch”, make sure you are filling their love tank with lots of physical touch at times other than nursing times.  If your child’s love tank is filled with “quality time”, do make sure you are providing lots of quality time to your child when you are not nursing.

5.  Have distractions ready for when the phone rings and that sort of thing.. ..I know many four-year-olds who still would like to nurse when mother is on the phone!

6. Look at your daily schedule and see how your child does with nursing when you are busy (some nurse less naturally then, but some nurse more because then they feel over-stimulated) versus when you are at home all the time (again, some children nurse less and some nurse more).

7.  If you are not comfortable nursing your child much past the age of 4 or 5, and your child is an avid nurser….  ….then it probably will be up to you to help your child cut down the number of nursings a day.  You have to be comfortable with this idea, and if you are not and want a truly child-led weaning, you may have to nurse until 5 or 6.    With some children the more you talk about weaning and cutting down number of nursings a day, the more anxious they become.  Many of the mothers I know had better success in just structuring their day so they were busy, daddy took over bedtimes in some cases, and other things that gradually and naturally  cut nursing down without a lot of explanation other than peacefully saying, “We can nurse at “X” time.  I am happy to (hold you now, get you a drink, get you something to eat, to play a game with you, to go to the pool, etc.) right now.”

8. Again, if you are ready to have the nursing relationship come down in intensity and you are helping your child grow, there may be some tears if the child is four and five and used to a certain rhythmical pattern of nursing to sleep or whathave you.  Again, this is where you must search your heart, see what you are comfortable with, feel okay that you truly are uplifting your child to the next level, that your child is growing up and it is going to be okay.  If you cannot believe this in your heart, then neither you nor your child is ready to wean. 

9. Some families do have a weaning party or provide a special weaning necklace or out to lunch to celebrate weaning.  Again, some children need help with moving on and need you to either decide it is okay to nurse until age 7 or they need you to be kind but not crumple. They may need you to  say after a weaning party or weaning lunch something to the effect of, “Nursing you was so special to me as well.  Today Daddy is going to take your little sister so you and I can do “X” together.”

10.  Work hard to examine how you feel about the joy of mothering.  If in your heart you feel enraptured with being home, with mothering, if you delight in your children, they are going to also feel joyful, happy, peaceful even without nursing and as nursing transitions and fades away.

If you continue to nurse your older child, be happy about it, be proud about it and know that when they are developmentally ready they will be done.  Whether or not “true” child-led weaning works for your family or not, whether you decide your child may need your help , cannot be decided by anyone but you and in your own observations of your child.  You can still respect your child and your child’s dignity whatever path you choose.  The path for the older child is not as clear as the path when nursing a small two or three year old, and that is okay, that is part of parenting.

Be comfortable with yourself and what your family needs from you, from the times when you do need to take the lead and the times when you need to surrender yourself.  That is the walk we walk in parenting a child that is a bit older.    But most of all, get clear in your own heart and decide.  That is what makes for a joyful family!

Love,

Carrie