Category Archives: Homemaking

Kindness In Your Home

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I personally think most people are convinced that kindness is what they want for themselves, for their families and for their homes, but they are not sure what steps to take to ensure kindness prevails even in the most pressured situations of being in the trenches of parenting, mothering, marriage and life.

Let’s delve a little deeper into the how-to’s of kindness. First, we need to know exactly what kindness is:

The Definition of Kindness:

Kindness, as listed in Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, is defined as:

1 Affectionate, loving

2A. Of a sympathetic nature: disposed to be helpful and solicitous

2B. Of a gentle nature

3. Agreeable

As you can see, many times kindness is equated with being helpful or helping someone else. In some religious and spiritual traditions, the notion of doing “charitable acts” is directly correlated with the above definitions of kindness! Kindness, then, is an action that one commits to each and every day!

Mary Ann Kerwin, one of La Leche League’s co-founders had this to say about parenting in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, “Our children teach us much more than we realize. Being a mother has taught me patience, perseverance, self-discipline, and hard work. “(page 170, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding). Kindness, as we can see from the definitions above, also involves the development of being helpful, patient and loving. Part of parenting is perhaps working at becoming a kinder person!

Why Start in Our Homes?

We start in our own homes because we set a tone for our household whether we do it consciously or unconsciously. We start in our own homes because the people we love the most are right there in front of us. We start in our own homes as part of the quiet revolution that good parenting is going to make as a mark upon the next generation of our country’s leaders, innovators and creators. We start because we want our home to be a place of warmth and love and joy for our family and friends. And most of all, we start in our own homes because we want to be the change we want to see in the world. Kindness is a wonderful place to start in setting the tone for our homes.

 

How Do I Do It?

1. Start with Yourself

If we all agree that kindness can be a foundation for “charitable action” throughout the day, a commitment that we must get up and make each and every day, then we can all conjure up that phrase, “Charity begins at home.” This is essential: that home and with ourselves are where we begin. We can only control our own actions; we must start there.

Here are some quotes to inspire you:

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding points out on page 256 that, “As the baby-child grows, he will need guidance, instruction, and sometimes correction to learn the ways of our world. If the foundation of secure love was laid when he was a baby, and if he sees his parents as kind, polite, and considerate people, he will try to imitate them, because he wants to act in ways that please them (most of the time).”

In the book Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids, author Naomi Drew says, “When we take steps in our daily lives to get along with others, work out conflicts, listen when people speak, communicate respectfully, let go of anger, and respect differences, we affect the world in a positive way. Starting gradually, with ourselves and with the people we are close to, our relationships begin to improve, causing a ripple effect. Before long, we see that by living the skills of peacemaking, we make a positive difference in our own lives and the lives of every person we touch.”

Here are some tips for the road:

· Slow down: As much as you can, slow down. Evaluate how many activities you and your family are participating in. How many times a week do you eat dinner together? Play together?

· Think about a family mission statement: We can slow down by defining our very most important priorities, and realize this may mean giving something up. Naomi Drew asks us to ask ourselves, “What do you believe are the most important things you can do for and with your children in the time you have with them?” “What memories do you want to create for your children?” “What do you want to be able to say about yourself as a parent twenty years from now?” “How do you want your children to view their childhood twenty years from now?”

This is very much akin to writing a personal and family mission statement where you and your partner can really sit down and think, “For us, for our family, what does kindness look like in our home?” This is very much akin to writing a personal and family mission statement where you and your partner can really sit down and think, “For us, for our family, what does kindness look like in our home?” Is it no labeling kinds of words? Is it never raising your voice? Is it being able to be speak kindly even in the face of everyone being a yelling mess? Is is being able to see your spouse or child’s point of view during conflict? Who does your acts of kindness extend to- your animals, the plants on your land, your neighbors? Writing a family mission statement can be a eye-opening experience – it can be surprising to find out what your spouse or partner or children really thinks is incredibly important for the family. Writing a family mission statement can also help you and your family tie your shared values in one place for all to see and refer to

 

· Focus on the positive aspects of your role as a homemaker and a parent. Try to do this at least ten minutes a day after your children go to sleep or before they wake up. Most of us have no trouble finding our negative traits as parents or the negative things we bring to the role in which we are setting the tone in our homes. Think about your positive qualities, write them down if you have to!

· Balance of all the Needs of All Family Members: Attachment Parenting talks a bit about balance as one of their Eight Ideals. This is something important to consider – what do you need to be the best parent possible? Are you having physical problems that are affecting your patience and gentleness? Do you need to talk to someone about your life’s journey up to this point in order to heal and be a better parent?

Author Naomi Drew says in Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids: “Think of your own life. What can you subtract to restore greater balance? What can you add to be kinder to yourself? Remember, being kind to yourself is neither selfish nor frivolous, quite the contrary. Being kind to yourself feeds the well from which you give to others. Acts of kindness toward yourself are necessities that will enable you to be more loving, compassionate, and available to the people you care about the most.” Can you calmly sit down and discuss this with your partner about what both of you need to be kinder people and come up with a plan to make it happen?

· Think about re-framing your thoughts. “Self-control is mind control,” says author Becky Bailey of the book Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. “It is being aware of your own thoughts and feelings. By having this awareness, you become the director of your behavior. Lack of self-control turns your life over to other people, events and things as you careen through life on remote control.” Remember, self-discipline on your part means you can teach this to your child; you cannot teach skills you do not possess. More than anything, kindness in the home is a practice.

· Figure out what your irritation points are so you can be in charge of them and they won’t be in charge of you! Is that you are not a morning person and you cannot stand it when you get up and the children start fighting before you have a cup of coffee? Is it your own mother? Is it running errands? What really gets under your skin and how can you come up with a plan to help alleviate the situation? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result, right? Change your strategy to change your result!

· Most of all, remember that you are in charge of YOU. You can change and be the parent and partner you want to be, because you will gain control of yourself first, and be responsible for your own thoughts and actions, and model this for your children. Your family lives what they see in YOU.

Start with your partner or spouse

· Understand the stages of adulthood and marriage: The first thing to realize is that while children go through developmental stages, so do marriages and so do adults. Growing and maturing does not stop at age 21! We hear much talk about “mid-life” crises, but there are whole bodies of works devoted to talking about the cycles of adulthood. Reading and understanding about these cycles may benefit you and your partner with new understanding and compassion for the other person and the most complex of all relationships, marriage.

· Also understand what type of family you are forming – according to Barbara Coloroso’s book “Kids Are Worth It!” this includes the brickwall, jellyfish A and B and the backbone family. There are also other models of family out there, including Linda Budd’s model in the book “Living With the Active Alert Child.” Knowing what kind of family you came from , what your partner came from, and what kind of family you are forming now can help you as you forge a kinder and more peaceful path.

· Re-evaluate your view of conflict. Having a relationship with no conflict at all is not realistic and avoids an opportunity to see the benefits that conflict provides.

· Practice using kind words in your home and making your home a place where you focus on the positive that you see. Practice saying kind things to others as well as yourself – be a good model by showing that you honor yourself!

· Instead of statements that address someone’s character, use statements that describe what you see and how you feel about it. Naomi Drew writes, “When we start from “I”, we take ownership of our feelings and perceptions. “You” places blame on the other person and makes them the brunt of our feelings. “You” puts the other person on the defensive; “I” opens communication.”

· You may investigate Non Violent Communication as a framework takes this even a step further.

· Eliminate sarcasm from your home; when you use sarcasm with your spouse your children see it and hear it.

· Just as you would assume positive intent behind the behavior of your child, assume positive intent for your spouse or partner.

· Model and be “a light” for your family: One wise mother told me on the subject of spouses, “Model what you want to see, but do not nag. Nagging causes rifts and defensive mechanisms and accomplishes nothing.”

· Learn how to handle anger. Can you walk away and regain control? Can you be calm when things are crazy? Can you speak calmly to your partner or spouse about what is bothering you and work it out? Can you be calm as your partner gets upset?

Start with your children

· A very important part of parenting is knowing and understanding childhood development, and what typically happens at what age.

· Understand your child’s specific temperament. Make a sincere effort to accept your child for who they are at every age.

· Avoid labeling your child, even if it is with a label you think is kind.

· You can set clear standards of behavior for your children, but for them to know, you need to decide what those standards are and you need to know how to guide your child toward those standards in a loving way.

Something to inspire you on this subject: “Bear in mind that to say children are equally deserving of dignity and respect does not have to mean that the relationship itself is of equal power. As a parent, you have a broader view and more life experience to draw from, and these are assets you bring to the child as his adult caretaker. You also bear more responsibility for choices surrounding your child than he does.” (Adventures in Gentle Discipline, page 11).

The question is, can you set the limit with kindness? Without lecturing, over-explaining or defending yourself, being hostile if your child resists? Can you be matter of fact and have peace about the limit you are setting?

There are many times where explanations just don’t work, particularly for a younger child who does not have logical thought yet as part of their developmental maturation .

Nancy Samalin also brings up another reason why sometimes explanations do not work as she writes in her book, “Loving Your Child Is Not Enough: Positive Discipline That Works”, “Why don’t explanations work? Because we often give children explanations in an attempt to change their minds and make them agree with us. We hope they’ll buy the explanation and not be angry with us. But after a thousand explanations, children still want what they want as much as they wanted it before. And we just have to deal with not giving them what they want.”

In other words, if we are not careful a detailed explanation is just a justification for our demand.

· Re-evaluate and re-commit to gentle discipline.

Okay, quick!  When I say the phrase, “Gentle Discipline” what comes into your mind – the first thing? No censoring!  For many of us, gentle discipline equates with permissiveness and the thought of a Kids Gone Wild Video!  For others of us, gentle discipline equates with being the parent, who, for lack of better phrasing, is the “valium parent” –you know, the parent who never raises their voice, the parent who is always calm and composed.  “Okay, you just pierced your little brother’s nose with a screwdriver in the garage?  Okaaaay, maybe next time you should ask before you do that!”

Maybe some of us are sad when we hear this phrase, because we would like to not be yelling at our children, or hitting our children, but we are not sure what other tools we have in our toolbox to use.

What if I told you I see gentle discipline in a completely different light?

Many parents equate discipline to punishment.  My Webster’s Dictionary defines discipline some other ways, including as “instruction”; “training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character”.  I love the idea of discipline being a way to guide or lead a child.  There are consequences to the behaviors we choose as individuals, but many times we punish children for being in a developmentally normal state.

Eda LeShan, in her wonderful article, “Please Don’t Hit Your Kids”, published in Mothering Magazine in Spring of 1996, writes:  “We actually tend to hit children who are behaving normally.  A two year old bites because he doesn’t yet know better ways to deal with problems.  A five year old steals crayons at school because five is too young to control the impulse to take what she wants when she wants it.  A 10 year old lies about having joined some friends in teasing a newcomer at school, since at this age it’s normal to want social approval more than fairness.  It takes many years to learn self-restraint.  This is not a crime.  And making children feel guilty and bad doesn’t solve the problem.  What is called for is help in making retribution, having adults explain why such behavior must be overcome.”

Guiding with loving firmness.  THE WOMANLY ART OF BREASTFEEDING, page 257 states: “Discipline is a much maligned word, often associated with punishment and deprivation. Yet discipline actually refers to the guidance which we as parents lovingly give our children to help them do the right things for the right reasons- to help them grow into secure, happy, and loving persons able to step out in to the world with confidence in their own ability to succeed in whatever they set out to do.”

So, there is another oft-maligned word that  I believe needs to be attached to the idea of discipline as a way to guide a child – and that word is AUTHORITY.  Authority is a word that leaves a bad taste in many parents’ mouths.  “Authority?  We don’t need any of that here!  Our home is not a police state!”

Well, when I looked up authority in my Webster’s Dictionary, it said that authority is “a citation from a book or file used in defense or support”, “a decision taken as a precedent”, or finally, “power to influence or command thought, opinion or behavior.”   Influencing my child’s behavior is part of my job as a parent, but I felt it did not get across everything I wanted to say in this situation.  Then I noticed that authority and the word a few entries above, authentic, share the same root.  The dictionary says that authentic is “authoritative” and “worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to fact of reality: TRUSTWORTHY.”

So, perhaps you could view your path in gentle discipline as a way to authentically guide your child.  You, as a trustworthy, authoritative guide.

Truly AUTHENTIC LEADERSHIP.

· Using gentle discipline methods and thinking of discipline as guiding and teaching can be helpful in setting a tone for your home that is kind.

“Gentle discipline means, quite simply, placing empathy and respect at the very center of your parenting.”  (Adventures in Gentle Discipline, page 3).

Here is a recap of some of the tools you can use in gentle discipline:

1. Humor – Lots of parents take parenting very seriously.  But you can still think about humor, think about not taking it all quite so seriously.  There are many situations where humor can save the day.  Humor helps de-escalate things and also models for your child a positive way to look at the sunny side of things and a way to deal with a stressful or frustrating situation.

Many parents say, Save your big reactions for the big things in life! I agree, but in order to do this, you must know what is BIG in your family and to you.  This goes back to the first things we talked about, starting with yourself and your spouse or partner to think about what is BIG for you and your family. Then you will know where to use humor, where to be serious, and what things really matter!

2.  Distraction – this is a viable tool for all children under 7, and even children that are 7 or 8  can still be fairly distractible.  However, this takes creativity in the heat of the moment to think of an appropriate distraction.  Distraction is not a bribe; it is a way to change to scene to your advantage.

Distraction can also show itself by changing the environment.  Some children just need to be outside when they are upset!

3.  Hugs and kisses and being held – solves lots of things without a lot of words. Sometimes you do not need to say much of anything to your child; just holding them lets them know you are there for them.

4. Use of the word “may”  – as in, “Little Johnny, you may bring your plate to the counter for me.  Thank you!”  Be sincere, and this word works well as you set the tone for your own home. Some parents love this, some parents hate this.

6. Limited choices, less words or no words at all –Try just helping your child get into their coat while you sing a song that you usually sing when you go outside.  Try just handing your child their toothbrush after their bath instead of a whole book about the necessity of dental hygiene.  Children under the age of 7 generally do not do well with verbal words alone; they need your warm and gentle physical presence to follow through on what needs to happen.

7.  Consider the value of time-in. Some families have a place where adults and children can sit together until they all calm down, some mothers just have their child sit near them while they do some sort of rhythmical work.

8.  Ignoring – yup, you heard me right.  The Gesell Institute books routinely recommend turning a blind eye to some of your child’s behaviors if it is not hurting others or themselves (or just driving you plain crazy!).

9.  Physical follow-through – If you say something to a small child, you should expect to have to physically help them follow through.  You should expect to have to physically hold an upset child if they need it.  The physicality of life with a small child is always there – hugs, kisses, a lap to sit on and help to do things as needed.  The child’s respect and dignity always needs to be respected, so you need to be calm and gentle when you are following through, but please remember a young child under 7 is probably not going to function well on verbal directives alone.

10.  FREEZE!  One of the best tools in parenting is learning to take that quick pause in your mind’s eye and ask yourself if what you are about to do is going to help your child be the adult they were meant to be; is it going to escalate or de-escalate the situation, is it going to teach your child something or is it just a moment of anger for you that will pass?

· Understanding anger in parenting and how to deal with it is very important. Vimala McClure, in the book, “The Tao of Motherhood,” has this to say about anger in parenting:

“When you feel angry with your child, know that something rational must be done. State your feelings honestly, then withdraw to process your own emotions and make a plan.

Striking out, either physically or emotionally, may succeed in getting through to the child, but it will also plant the seeds of guilt. Guilt is followed by resentment and bitterness. A victory can therefore end in failure. Too many victories and you will witness the death of your child’s trust.”

You can use “I statements” and talk about how you feel at that moment, you can leave the area for a moment (which is very difficult I think with children under the age of 7), you can make amends when the storm is done. You can “erase” what happened, and start over together.

And besides learning how to deal with our own anger, we must teach our children how to “cool-off.” Some families have a “cool-off” corner where everyone can sit together, some families encourage children to draw their feelings out or do something physical to release the anger. Every family is different and find what works for each individual child through trial and error.

· A rhythm to your day can be your friend, especially when you have small children under the age of 7. If every day has different awake, meal, snack, nap and bedtimes, it can become frustrating when everyone is falling apart, yet you feel like you have not gotten anything done and everyone needed to eat 10 minutes ago. Or conversely, if you have so tight a schedule, then the minute your child doesn’t want to hurry or wants to stop and play, this can be stressful. Try to find the happy medium!

· Learn How to Let Go – Nancy Samalin writes in her book, “Loving Your Child Is Not Enough: Positive Discipline That Works”: “We readily accept the fact of physical separation but often we forget that a child is not a psychological extension of ourselves, not our possession, not merely a reflection of us.”

As children mature and grow, we have to be willing to let them have more choices and to make mistakes. Nancy Samalin writes, “Our reluctance to let go of our children’s emerging identities comes from our need to have children do things our way, not theirs. If we let them make their own choices, we run the risk of being embarrassed or feeling helpless when they make mistakes. It can be frightening to let a child face the consequences of her own decisions. But in the end she will learn more from the experience of living with her choices than from our nagging, intervening or rescuing.”

Some of this also goes back to knowing and understanding developmental stages. Natural consequences should not be a punishment for a small child (ie, my child who is three does not want to wear a coat in Winter, so I will leave the coat at home – is that a natural consequence or a punishment?) but yet a teenager may need opportunities to make mistakes and learn from them. It also goes back to deciding the heart of what is important for you and your family.

Nancy Samalin points out that we can often be hardest on the child who reminds us of ourselves. The less personally you can take the behavior, the more kind you can be. I always say to new mothers of toddlers, It starts off that it is a “good” day if your toddler doesn’t melt down and cry or scream; in later parenting it becomes a good day if you held it together through the melt down or the crying or the screaming. With a child that is older, over seven, you can try to listen more and solve the problem less.

What Happens When Things Are Not Going Well? (Or, The I Really Can’t Do This):

If you are feeling overwhelmed by what you perceive as the negative in your family or in your parenting, the question really becomes what do we do? Here are a few thoughts:

We can try.  We set the tone in our home whether we set it unconsciously or consciously. Each day, each moment, we can try to set the tone in our home toward our ideal.  It is never too late to change, to try, to stop in the middle of a sentence and do something different.  It is never to late to take your child and love them. 

We can forgive ourselves for not being perfect.  We are not perfect, we are human.  We all fall short at times.  We can be kind to ourselves and show our children how to have grace when we make a mistake. 

We can get help. We can ask for help from our family, our friends, our neighbors. We can get counseling, we can go to support groups like La Leche League or Attachment Parenting International and get support for our parenting, we can talk to the spiritual leaders who speak to our hearts.  We can investigate if our physical health is impacting our minds, our patience.  Many medical professionals are available to help. 

We can take it easy.  Maybe this is the day we just need to relax and recharge.

We can focus on bedtime and catch some precious moments to ourselves after the children go to sleep and use that to meditate, pray or engage in spiritual work.

We can do our best to go to sleep; I am convinced many of the challenges mothers are facing could be helped if mothers would go to bed and get some rest.  We so often feel we have to satisfy everyone’s needs but our own; our own sleep is paramount to do this!

It is important you can show your family about how to recover from a mistake, a you that shows them we can still do things wrong and make it right, a you that is resilient in the face of life.

 

Kindness within your home is a process, a journey and a practice. You can form relationships for support from other like-minded parents, you can always also talk to your local La Leche League Leader, Attatchment Parenting International Leader or supportive mental health professionals who can help you brainstorm different ideas regarding kindness and peacemaking in your home. As always, take what works for you and your family from these ideas.

Peaceful Parenting,

Carrie

“But When I Stay Home…..Everything Falls Apart!”

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I have heard lots of reasons why it is difficult to stay home from mothers with children under the age of 7.  “When we stay home, all my older kids do is fight.”  “My kids are bored and don’t know what to do.”  “The nursling whom I am trying to wean just wants to nurse and if we are out he doesn’t nurse at all!”  “My oldest just seems to need to do something more!”  “I will go nuts if I stay home every day!”

As you can see, many mothers have a hard time being in their own homes.  Some mothers insist their children have a hard time being home as well, but I often wonder if the children are just reflecting the discontent their mothers feel.

It is hard work to be home sometimes.  It is hard to not be on the computer, to not turn on the TV, to be present in working with our hands and to be a warm presence for our children.  It is hard to listen to children fight and know when to step in and when to not step in.  It is hard to distract an older nursling and set a gentle, loving limit that right now is not a nursing time, but in a little bit it will be time and here is a snack for right now.  It is hard to set limits in general, it is hard to get out of bed, it is hard to make dinner every day and it is hard to muster up the energy to get everyone ready for bed after a long day.

Did I cover it all?

The challenges, however, do not negate the fact that the best place for a child under the age of 7 to be is HOME.  If we can help a child under the age of 7 be happy in the home environment, to be creative at home, to learn to understand that feeling of not knowing what to do and then finding something to do, we provide that child a great service indeed.  These are the children that grow up with strong creativity, strong problem-solving skills, and the ability to be happy by themselves.  These are remarkable and sought-after skills in this age of teenage depression and boredom. 

Your child under the age of 7 does not need a myriad of play dates, field trips,  and trips to the store.   You may disagree, but if your oldest is right now 4 , you will see a large difference in patience, comprehension, understanding and memory when you go to places when they are 7 or 8.  Many times your 7 or 8  year old will not even remember your trip to the zoo when they were 4!  They may, but they may not.  It doesn’t mean we don’t ever go places as  family, but it does mean we look carefully at IMAX movies at the museum for a four year old, at going to a crowded zoo on the weekend when they child is usually home napping, and we look at the long car rides and other things that are involved in these activities for the young child.  Remember, what your  child really  needs is a strong home rhythm, a strong loving presence of a parent, enough sleep and healthy food and outside time, and walks around the neighborhood.

Mothers say:  What about socialization for my 3-6 year old?  Everyone knows this is a prime time when they need friends! 

That may be true, and some children are more social than others, but sometimes I feel WE as parents drive this need ourselves more than it initially comes from the children themselves. (and then the children hear US talk about how they need friends and then they really NEED friends, you know?)  If you read any traditional childhood development books, they talk about how three, four and six are often rough ages for getting along with other children.  This does not mean that we don’t ever have play dates – but it might mean we consider a play date that is one on one with a planned activity to start the play date as opposed to a “just go play” kind of thing.  It does mean that perhaps we look at our group activities more closely and evaluate are they really needed and who needs them – us as the parents or our children?  It may also mean that we need to consider our OWN needs as adults and parents – could I get together with another homeschooling mother WITHOUT our children for lunch or tea and talk and finish sentences and get support that way without involving my children in my own need?

Having children under the age of 7  may also mean evaluating the need for classes.  There has been entire build-up of business and marketing to the under 7 child and parent dyad in our country.  In past generations, many mothers did not even have transportation to attend anything while their husbands were at work, so there was no chance for activities geared solely toward children.    I am not saying we want to return to this, but I am saying we do not know the long-reaching effects of all this stimulation on the under-7 child.  Were these classes and activities truly started with the benefit of the under 7 child in mind or to make money?  Would going outside and being in nature and doing arts and crafts at home and singing at home be just as good, if not better, than all these classes?

I feel many mothers turn to these activities to 1- meet other mothers who also stay at home, since in their neighborhood they may be the ONLY ones at home and 2- they do not feel confident in their own abilities to do these sorts of activities at home with their small children.  It is ironic in an age of more and more information, ideas via the Internet and books that mothers feel LESS confident and not more confident, isn’t it?

As far as finding other mothers who stay at home and who are interested in homeschooling, La Leche League meetings, especially the daytime meetings do often have mothers who are stay at home mothers (especially if these are Toddler Meetings held during the day).  Attachment Parenting International Support meetings also tend to have stay at home mothers there.  These organizations also support working mothers as well, but there tend to be stay at home mothers as well.  Post natal yoga classes may put you in touch with other stay at home mothers.  Once you have a few friends that stay at home it may blossom from there.

I am here to encourage you completely that you can do this!  You can create a stronger rhythm at home.  Start with your daily rhythm with a lot of outside activity and then look at your weekly rhythm – can you bring in activities on certain days?  Look at the festivals for that month – May is coming and bringing with it May Day, Ascension and Whitsunday.  Perhaps these are festivals you would like to celebrate in your own family that you could take time to prepare for.  Depending upon your religion, perhaps there are other festivals you could celebrate in place of these festivals or add to these.  Start a bit of planning now – ten minutes a day after your kids go to bed or before your kids get up.  It can happen!

The more you are at home, the more you will like being at home.  You will have time to create and dream and so will your children.  Take it from a Former Queen of Going and Doing, it can happen!

Make your home a warm, joyful place to be and your kids will enjoy it too,

Carrie

Are You Present?

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I am re-reading the lovely book “Everyday Blessings:  The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting,” by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn.  This book affects me deeply each time I read it, and each time I peel another layer of myself back in the process. 

I wanted to share one beautiful passage with you all:

“As I see it, all parents, regardless of the ages of our children at any point in time, are on an arduous journey, an odyssey of sorts, whether we know it or not, and whether we like it or not.  The journey, of course, is nothing other than life itself, with all its twists and turns, its ups and its downs.  How we see and hold the full range of experiences in our minds and our hearts makes an enormous difference in the quality of this journey we are on, and what it means to us.  It can influence where we go, what happens, what we learn, and how we feel along the way.”

This passage also jumped off the page at me:

“Mindful parenting is hard work.  It means knowing ourselves inwardly, and working at the interface where our inner lives meet the lives of our children.  It is particularly hard work in this era, when the culture is intruding more and more into our homes and into our children’s lives in so many new ways.”

I think the first part of this statement is critical though. If we do not know ourselves inwardly, we cannot work at the interface described.  We cannot keep culture at bay and imprint our own family values and traditions on our children if we do not know what these are.

Parenting is often noisy, repetitive, challenging, sleep-deprived, joyful, busy, exhausting.  Yet, at this time and in this place, we must learn to find the moments of stillness, the moments to be present, the moment to step back and see through all the movement to the frozen frame of the faces of the ones we hold dearest in our hearts.  We must find moments to think and to ponder and to dream.  This could be just several minutes in the morning, a few more minutes at quiet time, a moment for tea in the afternoon and a few moments before bed.  Find a blank notebook, and start writing your thoughts down.  Write about how you want to parent, your own areas of challenge as a parent and as a couple, write about what you want your children to value, write about the family traditions you would like to start; small this year and adding every year after.  Write your own biography.  Learn about yourself along this journey, and love yourself for all the positive things you do, all the mistakes made along the way, all the times you have had self-control, all the times you have been joyous in your family life, all the moments of authenticity so your children know who you are.

Dream those big dreams for peace for your household and peace for the world.

Good night, dear reader, and peace onto you and yours.

Carrie

Nuno Wet Felting Tutorial

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Please do check out this great tutorial from my friend Catherine (and she put it in English!  Thanks Catherine!!)

http://catherine-et-les-fees.blogspot.com/2009/01/nuno-felting-tutorial.html

You will enjoy seeing these creations come to life!

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

When A Child Balks At Rhythm

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Some mothers have asked me what to do when my child balks at our rhythm or a particular activity within our rhythm?  I have several thoughts about this subject,

First of all, in general, if rhythm is new to you, start small around mealtimes and sleeping times and build up from there.  It may be that your child is balking at the rhythm because there is just too much going on that is new and it is all taking place too fast.  It may take several months or longer to really get in a full rhythm of the day and the week.  Your seasonal rhythm may take even longer than that as you start small with festivals and then add things to each individual festival each year or even add festivals each year that you have never celebrated before.

As I mentioned above, some of this depends on age.  If your child is under the age of seven, I would respectfully ask that you look to yourself first.  Are you being rather ADHD about your rhythm and starting things and not finishing them before you are moving on to something else?  Is there one particular activity that is problematic and is this activity one you yourself enjoys or one that you secretly dread?  Your child can pick up on this feeling even if you do not verbalize it!  Is it the right season to be doing whatever activity you have planned – for example, many mothers have told me they do not like to knit in summer.  If this is you, it may be hard for you to teach knitting to your first grader in July!   Is the rhythm so complex that you can’t even carry it?   A rhythm is a gentle flow to the day of in-breath and out-breath activities.  This should include more of an order, blocks of time than a minute-by-minute, play-by-play kind of schedule.  So, the first place to start with a balking child is with yourself.

If your child is under the age of 7 and your child is balking about the rhythm, here are some ideas.  Parents have asked me, “ What do I do when it is gardening time, and my child just won’t get their shoes on to go outside?  They don’t want to garden then.” 

There are no blanket answers for this per say, but here are some ideas:

  • With a small child, the rhythm and the outcomes of things that happen within the rhythm are mainly carried by YOU.  So, if your child doesn’t want to garden, and he or she has gone to the bathroom and had a snack and is generally okay, perhaps YOU garden and they join in, or they just play while you garden.  You may only get a small amount of practical work in.  Rudolf Steiner said somewhere in his lectures that a child seeing even 15 minutes of quality work was worth this effort and time. 
  • The other question to this is:  have you built in time for preparing for the activity and cleaning up from the activity?  If we always put our gardening pants and shoes on while we sing a song about gardening, then it is habit to wear shoes.  Building up anticipation through preparation for a task, singing about the task, and  having an allotment of time to clean-up from a task  is just as important to the child as the task itself.
  • Also, try to look at your task from the child’s point of view.  Yes, the task is for you and being carried by you, but it should also include child-friendly elements.  For gardening, this might include watering, planting large seeds a child can handle, digging for worms.  There should be songs and stories!  The practical work of life should be fun!
  • A child under the age of 7 is at the height of imitation.  Imitate with happiness the task at hand, use songs and wonder, and the activity will be fun. If you start the activity by saying, “Now we will go garden,” and the child envisions hours of you pulling weeds, they may very well not want  to do it!
  • The other question that always begs to be asked is:  Does your rhythm need to be changed?  Maybe your child really wants a story before you go outside.  Can you make up a story about a worm, or a butterfly, or gnomes helping to put the seed babies to bed?  Maybe your child needs a game before they go outside or maybe a game once they are outside before they can settle down enough to do a small task at hand.  Go back again and think your in-breath and out-breath of activities.

For a child over the age of 7, I would think not only of these things, but also the worthiness of authority for this age group, as according to Steiner himself.  Your very gesture and mood permeate the task and the rhythm and sometimes the answer to this is just working with the child’s will to complete something.  This does not have to be as harsh as it sounds, but many seven and ten year olds will grumble at the prospect of doing work, but then are very proud of their accomplishments indeed if you can just help them persevere through it!

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Verses and Songs Throughout the Day

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Many Waldorf mothers lament that while they know they should not use head-oriented commands with small children under the age of seven, they just are not sure how to get through the day without doing this.  One way to think about this is how you could use songs and verses throughout your day for transition points.  For example, instead of announcing all day long, “Now, little Jimmy, we are going to do XYZ”, you have a wonderful song or melody to do this that accompanies YOU starting to DO the physical activity.  (Having small children is not to be directed from the sofa!!)  Once you use the same song or verse for the same activity over and over, the child recognizes what goes with what melody. 

I kept track the other day, and here are some of the ones I use with my family that we enjoy, and maybe this will give you some ideas for your own family!  You will find the songs and verses that work for you!

For waking up in the morning, while I go around and open all the window shades:  The song “Good morning, good morning and how do you do?”  and also the song “Buenos Dias, Buenos Dias, como estas, como estas?”  (sung to the tune of “Where is Thumpkin?”)

For making beds:   The song “This is the way we make the beds, make the beds, make the beds, this is way we make the beds on a “XXXXXX” morning.”

For calling to breakfast and lunch – We sing the prayer “Thou Art Great and Thou Art Good”  from Shea Darien’s book Seven Times the Sun.

For washing dishes:  The song “This the way we wash the dishes, wash the dishes, wash the dishes” as above

For getting dressed:  The nursery rhyme Diddle Diddle Dumpling, My Son John

(I also make up songs sometimes for going potty, brushing teeth or brushing hair).

For being called to start homeschool:  I always call children with a made- up tune on the pennywhistle and then play whatever song is the song of the month.  For example, in November I played “The Pumpkin Pie” song and my kids learned it and sung it for everyone after Thanksgiving dinner while I played.  For this month we are learning the song from the play “The Snowmaiden” from “Little Plays for Puppets” book and also a song about dwarves.  After singing we have a candle-lighting verse and we also use the well-known  Waldorf verse that begins, “Good Morning Dear Earth, Good Morning Dear Sun.”

For quiet time:  We sing one of the quiet songs out of Shea Darien’s book Seven Times the Sun

For ending quiet time:  We use that wonderful folk song that begins, “Bluebird, bluebird (or whatever bird you want!)  fly through my window, bluebird, bluebird, fly through my window.”  It is on Pete Seeger’s CD of folk songs

Favorite verse for going outside:  The nursery rhyme that begins, “The grand old Duke of York, he had ten thousand men, he marched them up a hill and then he marched him down again.”

For practical work, I do have verses for wet on wet watercolor painting, baking, handwork, gardening and housekeeping that can be found in A Child’s Seasonal Treasury,

For dinner we rotate between these two prayers: 

Father, we thank thee for this food before us

Give us strength to do Thy Will

Guide and Protect Us in Your Heavenly Path

For Christ’s Sake, Amen.

or this one:

Bless this food to our use

And us to thy (continued) service

And make us ever mindful of thy blessings

Amen.

For Bathtime- Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub

For Bedtime- Prayers (we say four prayers at night)

First we say “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep”

Then we say this one:

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,

Bless this bed that we lie on,

Two at our head, two at our feet,

Protect us (bless us) while we are fast asleep.

Then we say a quick prayer to the archangels of St. Raphael, St. Gabriel, St. Michael and St. Uriel, (and we list what we are thankful for from the day)

And then at last we say “Our Father Who Art in Heaven”.

This is just a small sampling, and you can come up with traditional verses, songs and prayers that speak to your own spiritual/religious life.   I also make up many songs on the spot and sing.  My oldest thinks my voice is beautiful, which I assure you it is not, but the point is you do not have to be a great singer to do this!!  It is great fun, the kids learn all of this by heart easily, and it is so much better than walking around like a play-by-play football announcer each day.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

The Value of Being A Stay At Home Mother

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I started a few thoughts on this subject at Donna Simmons’ paid subscription discussion forum,  the Waldorf At Home forum.  Donna posed the question of what the true, real or hidden value of being a mother is and it really got me thinking. (To join in on the discussion please see  http://www.waldorf-at-home.com/forums/ ).

To me,  the utmost value that a stay at home mother can provide is first of all the ability to create peace within herself, her spouse and her children and then to bring that peace into all the areas in which the mother and family  impacts society.  Stay at home mothers provide a bulk of the volunteer force for schools, religious organizations, and other service organizations, so hopefully we become a model for peace within our own homes and within our own communities.  So many people live their lives and in their homes without ever thinking about the soul of that home – how does your home feel when you are in it?  How does your family feel? Is it a warm, relaxed, pleasant place where the respect and the dignity of all are honored or is it a place of strife, tension, and yelling?

Mothers ask me all the time how they can attain this invisible positive aura within their homes, and I always say the same thing:  It starts within you.  You cannot change your children or your spouse.  All you can do is be consistent and go inward and start with yourself.  (Assuming your spouse is not  physically or verbally abusive; in these cases I cannot presume to say that only modeling will help!)……..However, if your spouse  is unsure of how to  become a de-escalator of situations and attain peace, it may take time to see changes, but the home will become a more peaceful place as you model and create this magic within your own space.  The other two things I can highly suggest is to work on everyone in the family finding a sense of humor about things and I can advocate you contact the local NonViolent Communication Group in your area – see www.cnvc.org for further details regarding better communication skills between you and your partner.

I think the second thing that we show society, hopefully, is how to live in harmony with daily, weekly and yearly rhythms; how to really have a rhythmical manner within the flow of time.  The art of daily work, of being able to be productive with our hands, for really having and showing gratitude, for being able to live simply, for being able to slow down to really prepare for holidays and festivals in a meaningful way is becoming a lost art in our society.  Hopefully we can be a model for demonstrating ways to celebrate the beauty and reverence in daily life, in ordinary tasks,  besides the more celebratory occasions.

The third important thing I think we do is to show mothers that childhood can have a slower pace than what our society is currently making it and pushing it to be and that this is of benefit to the child and to society.  Many mothers I speak to today lament the early push on academics, they lament the lack of outside time their children are participating in due to their children getting home from school and having to do homework, they lament the lack of imaginative play within their children, but yet they shrug their shoulders and continue on.  “What are you going to do?” they say, as if this progress toward the rapidity of childhood and the speeding up of childhood is something that is normal and cannot be avoided.  Perhaps we can be the light that shows others how a slower childhood has benefits for the health of our children for the long run.

To all my stay at home mothers out there, I applaud the light you are shining into the darkness of the world in this season and in this time.  Blessings to you all for  your work.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Did You See This?

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According to an article detailed on msn.com this morning,  1 in 5 young people (college-aged) in the United States have a personality disorder, including obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, phobias and bipolar disorder.  This was the findings of a study where 5,000 people aged 19-25 were interviewed face to face and asked about a variety of personality disorders.  Researchers also found the rates of substance  of abuse by young people was higher than the rates of personality disorders.

Obviously, personality disorders have always been around. Hopefully this study will highlight the prevalence of these diseases and encourage those affected to seek help.  Hopefully this study will encourage discussion amongst families as to family history.  Hopefully this study will encourage more research to be done into the genetic and environmental factors that contribute to personality disorders.

Some children seem to you with their own biology, circumstances and destiny.  The best parenting techniques may not be able to change the reality some children, step children or foster or adoptive children, enter into your home with.  This post is not intended to be directed toward those children per se, unless you think there is something here that will help your circumstance. 

Here is just a thought for what may compose the best stability and the most security for our children so they can grow up into healthy, stable adults.

1.  Marriage before having children is an excellent place to start.

2.  If you work outside the home and are happy with this and your family is thriving, please skip this paragraph and go on!  If you are not perfectly happy, read this.  I feel having a parent that stays home with the children when they are young, and is home daily  throughout the child’s years, even the teen-aged years, is essential. I personally  have had a variety of work situations including working 12 hours a week with on=site daycare when my oldest was little and now working one weekend day a month when my husband can be home with my children.  I have stressed and agonized and felt torn like so many of you.  So please know I am not saying these things lightly or without feeling or compassion. However, if you have thought about staying home and have the possibility of doing so, I am here to encourage you.

I have two thoughts on the subject of working, and I am sure  you all can add more perspectives and comments.  My first thought is actually for the mother.  If you are caught up in work, chances are you are not present at home, even if you are physically there.   I have seen mothers tearing themselves into little pieces in order to be the perfect  mother, the perfect wife, the perfect worker, the perfect everything, only to be stressed out, worried, disappointed and feeling like they are not doing the best job at either place. If this is you, change it.  Your children need your warm, loving and caring presence.

My second thought on this subject is  for the children. Some children seem to do “well” (whatever that means)  in daycare of any kind – group daycare, in-home daycare, nanny etc. – but some children just do not do well, even if it is care provided in their own home.  I do wish there were more studies regarding the number of hours a child is in daycare and future health ramifications for the school-aged child and the adult – studies that look at  mental health and physical health outcomes.   The difficult thing about this  is sometimes you just cannot tell until your children have grown and matured who seemed to survive in an alternative care situation and who really did not. 

All that being said, if you are going to work, please be happy about it and confident about it and carry that to your children in your energy. Please do not use your worry about working as an excuse to jellyfish parent or to shower your child with material things to make up for what you believe is lacking.  Have a rhythm for when you get home from work, and work hard to be with your child outside of work.  Seek out support from other caring, working parents through your local La Leche League and Attachment Parenting support groups.

If you wish your work situation was something else, and many of us do in this economy, know from the bottom of your heart you are a caring parent for even worrying about it, and that you are doing everything you can do,  the best you can do,  right now.  My heart goes out to yours.  Support is vital in this situation, please do find a community to hook into about this important subject.

Onward and upwards.

3. Get your own stability in check – do what you need to do, but get therapy, help, advice, do your  own inner work through prayer, meditation, tai chi, yoga, energy work.  Align yourselves with mothers whose parenting you admire.  Look deeply into what you feel the role of a homemaker should be, could be, is now for you.  Think about how you set the tone for your home, the peace in your home, the tone and model for your spouse and your children.   Think about your relationship with the other adults in your extended family, and what you are modeling for your children.  Do not assign your adult baggage a role in your child’s life.

Also, mothers please take care of your bodies.  It is the only one you have for your life here on Earth, and how you feel in your body affects your mind and your attitude and your ability to create peace in your home.  Please show your children how to care for their own bodies by  limiting your own screen time, by being active, by eating healthy and by receiving whatever preventative  health care you need to keep yourself in balance.

4.  Start things right by breastfeeding and practicing other measures of attachment parenting. If you need more advice or thoughts regarding this, please see www.attachmentparenting.org and www.lalecheleague.org.

5.   Learn about protecting your child’s senses (all 12 of them!  Yes, there are 12 senses according to Rudolf Steiner).  Warmth is a very important sense, and start working on this early to provide your children not just with physical warmth by keeping their heads covered, but also work on being emotionally warm with your children.  They need this to thrive!

6.  Establish a rhythm in your home that benefits your whole family.  This includes gently guiding yourself and your child toward better, healthier sleeping patterns, and adequate time in movement and outside time.  Repetition is a healthy cornerstone for the early years.   Work toward providing healthy boundaries that protect everyone in the family’s dignity and respect.

7.  Understand normal childhood development and the best ways to guide behavior in a loving way during different stages of development.  For the early years, this includes  respecting that young children live in their bodies, distraction, having a strong rhythm, limited choices, using fantasy and movement as our friends to encourage the behavior we do want to see, keeping ourselves calm and grounded, and yes,  even use of the word “no”.  You can still set limits and be a loving parent. You can still be a warm, loving parent and not explain away the mysteries of life and chatter away to your child. Practice your singing and humming instead for some really beautiful energy in your home that words and explanations cannot touch.

8. Enjoy, protect and nurture childhood.  I feel so sad when parents say to me, “Yes, my little one is six and in school and all grown up.”  I feel sad when I see the little girl  third graders at the bus stop experimenting with make-up.  I feel sad when all the wonder of childhood is gone before it even starts in our rush to sign our little ones up for organized sports, teach them reading and writing, and force their independence too early.  What is our hurriedness doing to our children?

Let them have the wonder of childhood. Protect them from media for awhile.  They will not be behind if they do not use a computer when they are five, and they will not be behind if they haven’t seen all the Hannah Montana TV shows by the time they are nine.  Childhood should be a time of imagination, fantasy and wonder. 

The world our children will inherit will be even more fast-paced than it is now.  We are going to need good, solid leaders who can make difficult decisions, innovative out of the box creative thinkers, inventors, and people who can help other people.  Protecting their childhood and letting your child have a childhood will contribute to this in a most important way.

9.  Look into Waldorf education for your child.  It is the most healing educational system I can find, the only one that seems to correlate the educational process with the possible health of the future adult, the one where the entire curriculum is set up to feed a child’s soul based on the child’s developmental level.    Please see our own personal  reasons for choosing Waldorf for home education on my blog post entitled, “Wonderful Waldorf”.

10.  Create opportunity and moments of wonder and reverence in your home for your child through nature observation and being outside, the wonder of stories, the wonder of beautiful art and music, the wonder of the mysteries of life.  Wonder, joy, reverence is really what it is all about.

Take  what resonates with you from here. I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

Just a few of my thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Steiner’s Grain of the Day

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A different grain for each day is part of the Waldorf Kindergarten and connected to the cosmic origins of the days of the week.   A different grain a day fits in with the nourishing weekly rhythm the kindergarten thrives on.   The most common listing of grains I have seen is the following, taken from The Waldorf Kindergarten Snack Book:

Sunday (Sun): Wheat

Monday (Moon):  Rice

Tuesday (Mars):  Barley

Wednesday (Mercury);  Millet

Thursday (Jupiter):  Rye

Friday (Venus):  Oats

Saturday (Saturn):  Corn

Waldorf teachers and those who cook with whole grains attribute different properties to different grains.  According to The Waldorf Kindergarten Snack Book, wheat is often seen as a harmonizer of the organ systems, rice is seen as acting on the digestive system, barley is seen as strengthening to the connective ligements due to a high silica content and also seen to be soothing to the mucous membranes of the stomach and intestines, millet is seen to have warming properties, rye nourishes the head and bones, oats loosens stiffness and increases stamina and resistance to disease, and corn stimulates the metabolism in muscles.

People often ask me what grains we work with in our homes, and how we work with them.  We do not work with wheat much at all.  Rice I tend to cook as either cream of rice for breakfast, coconut cinnamon rice with raisins for snack or just plain old rice with dinner.  Barley I enjoy most in a soup or cooked in place of any recipe that calls for rice.  Typically I cook millet as a breakfast porridge in the crockpot overnight with almond milk.  Millet is rather low in calcium and almond milk just seems to go fairly well with the millet to balance it all out.  I have tried rye in bread, but have found it difficult to work with this grain much.  There is a recipe in one of my raw food “un” cookbooks for a long tailed rye salad, so maybe i will try that next.  Oats I tend toward scottish oatmeal, steel-cut oats or making something with oat flour.

Grains can be a touchy thing for many people.  Many of these grains (wheat, barley, rye, cross-contaminated oats) have gluten in them.  There was just an interesting article in the December/January 2009 issue of the  magazine “Living Without: the magazine for people with allergies and food sensitivities”  (see www.LivingWithout.com for further information about this wonderful magazine!).  The magazine interviewed Peter HR Green, MD and director of the Celiac Disease Center at Columbia University and author of Celiac Disease, A Hidden Epidemic.  Dr. Green states in the article, “Wheat has only been domesticated in the last 10, 000 years. Our digestive systems can’t fully chop up gluten, the protein in wheat.  We’re left with large molecules of up to 30 amino acids that can be absorbed into the intestinal lining (probably during gastrointestinal infections) and that interact with the immune system, causing celiac disease in genetically predisposed individuals.  We evolved to eat meat.  Our enzymes digest meat protein fully into single amino acids or molecules of 2 to 3 amino acids that are readily absorbed.” (I am so sorry to my vegan friends, these are his words, not mine!)

They asked Dr. Green if he thought everyone should limit gluten consumption and he answered, “No, not necessarily.  But many people who don’t have celiac disease feel better not eating wheat and it may be because it’s poorly digested.”  He adds in answer to a different question, “Some people may feel better on a gluten-free diet.  If they don’t test positive for celiac disease, they may still be gluten sensitive.  They may feel better avoiding gluten, or just wheat.  They may not need as strict a gluten-free diet, just limited.”

But at any rate, I thought it was interesting.  Steiner was so into agriculture and the creation of biodynamic cultivation methods, and I wonder what he would say about today’s surge of folks who are gluten-sensitive and/or celiac disease positive.  I have often joked that The Standard American Diet for many people is Wheat, Soy, Cow and Chicken.  Behind that not so good joke, however, is my wonder at what we are doing to our health by eating such a limited diet.

So, I guess this is the long way of saying I think Steiner’s idea of rotating grains through our diet was a good one.  I seem to have gluten sensitivity and can only eat about a half cup portion or less of a grain each day and still feel good, but I do try and follow Steiner’s rotations.  I love the warming properties of my millet.  The other grain that intrigues me, not one of Steiner’s, is the little Ethiopian grain called teff.  Teff is high in calcium, protein and fiber.  I will let you all know as I experiment with it.

Proponents of Nourishing Traditions will point out that most of these grains, except rice, need to be soaked overnight in order to inactivate the enzyme inhibitors present in grains and inhibit the presence of phytic acid, present in grains and causes the decreased absorption of important minerals.  You can do the soaking of grains just by simply covering the grains with warm water and adding a tablespoon of lemon juice, yogurt, kefir or whey and then rinsing the grains before cooking the next day.

Maybe this will inspire you to try some different whole grains, and to think about the diversity of the things you do eat.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Give Us Our Daily Juice

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Okay, I have to admit I LOVE my juicer.  I have a simple Jack LaLanne juicer, like the one here:  http://www.powerjuicer.com/index-pro.html.  I get up and make fresh juice every morning, and I rely on juicing to feel great! 

Our favorite juices include making just fresh orange juice, but we also like orange-grapefruit juice, pineapple-grapefruit juice. and pineapple-orange juice.  Just writing this makes me want a big glass of juice right now!

Dr. William Sears in his book The Family Nutrition Book, has this to say about the benefits of fresh-squeezed juice over processed juice: fresh juice preserves the live enzymes in the juice, safer water content in fresh-squeezed juice (since we don’t know where the water in commercial juices comes from), and the ease of drinking a 8 ounce glass of fresh juice as opposed to eating all the vegetables or fruit it took to make that juice.

Commercial juices are made in this way, according to Dr. Sears: “The fruit is juiced at a processing plant, and the water is removed to make a concentrate, which is shipped to another manufacturer, who may put water back into the juice (water that may be more or less safe than the water Mother Nature originally put in the fruit).  The juice is pressure-pasteurized to kill any bacteria in it, and then it travels to the store, where it sits on the shelf in one of several kinds of container with varying degrees of air-tightness.  Throughout all these steps, vital nutrients, such as vitamins and enzymes, deteriorate. Also, much of the nutritious part of the fruit is right under the skin, the skin itself, or in the pulp.  These parts of the fruit, as well as much of the fiber, are lost in commercial juicing.” (page 156).

Some favorite juices to think about include orange, which is higher in many nutrients than apple juice; and the vegetable juices, which often are lower in calories but higher in nutrients than fruit juices.   Juices have more protein and trace minerals than you  are probably aware, so give juicing a try for your morning drink and see how great you and your family feels!  We drink a lot of water throughout the day, but look forward to our morning juice every day.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.