Here are some more ways to delve deeper into the transition of the heart and soul of mothering.  The hyperlinked book titles will take you into Amazon in case you want to check out some of these wonderful books for yourself.

3.  Investigate how you and your partner may handle such things as increased errands due to the baby, increased financial costs with possibly a loss of one salary, household chores and really talk about these things. It is hard to pinpoint everything before your baby arrives – babies come with their own unique personalities and temperaments, but these things are worth thinking about and attempting to plan a bit! Many mothers who are transitioning to staying at home from a full-time career have a thought that their home will be perfectly clean, that they will have time to exercise and greet their husband with a warm dinner every night, and are shocked when they find it difficult to find the time to take a shower. Talking about things ahead of time can at least get you thinking.

4.  Cultivate optimism , humor, and flexibility in yourself. These are essential tools in parenting. Look within yourself and see what areas you would like to work on as you will be modeling human emotion and interaction for your child as they learn about their world for the very first time. How do you handle stress or boredom? Do you have difficulty sitting still or difficulty getting outside and moving around? The height of imitative behavior is in the early years, so concentrate on having worthy things to show your child to imitate.

5.  Learn all you can about breastfeeding and infant massage. The baby’s first well-developed senses include sensation through the skin and the use of the olfactory system. Rahima Baldwin Dancy writes in her book You Are Your Child’s First Teacher:

“Compared with other cultures, Americans are touch-deprived. Cross-cultural studies have shown that the United States has one of the lowest rates of casual touch in the world – about two times an hour- compared with Puerto Ricans who have one of the highest rates, about 180 times an hour. Studies showed that French parents touch their children three times more often than American parents.”

Sobering but true facts in our society that so value independence instead of interdependence.

The benefits of breastfeeding are too long to list in this post! However, in general, breastfeeding offers protection from disease, promotes a sense of safety and security in the baby with bonding between mother and baby, promotes optimal facial and jaw development, provides neuro-protection and promotes optimal intelligence. Breastfeeding is also a natural part of a woman’s passage from menstruation, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and menopause with health benefits for the mother. To learn more about breastfeeding, please see La Leche League at www.llli.org and view all the wonderful resources there. Attend a meeting of your local La Leche League group to learn more.

My favorite books about breastfeeding include The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, Jack Newman’s The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers, and the book Breastfeeding Made Simple: Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers by Nancy Mohrbacher and Kathleen Kendall-Tackett. Law Number Two of the Seven Natural Laws is “Mother’s Body is Baby’s Natural Habitat.” Chapter 2 of this book and the explanation of the animal studies, effects of skin –to- skin contact after birth, how skin –to- skin contact works, and the long-term effects of touch are just riveting. Every new mother should read this book!

A wonderful read on the importance of infant massage and how to do it is Vimala McClure’s book Infant Massage: A Handbook for Loving Parents. She talks about how the first language for a baby is done through the baby’s skin. She also discusses the debate regarding “infant stimulation” – such as the use of recorded noise, black and white images and other stimulation.

She writes in one thought-provoking passage, “Our great concern about our children’s ability to compete on intelligence tests can drive us to accept programs that may or may not be valuable and that may in fact be detrimental to a child’s long-range emotional and spiritual development.”

While graded developmental stimulation may be of use with children who are not developing normally, the healthy, full term baby is well-supported by giving him or her your touch, your face for them to look at, your singing voice, a calm, peaceful environment and your body as their habitat in which to grow.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Joan Salter, founder and director of The Gabriel Baby Centre in Melbourne, Australia writes in her book  Incarnating Child,

“The mother-to-be often feels obliged to continue at work right up to the last month. There are financial obligations to be met- the mortgage on the house, payment on the car, and the cost of equipment for the baby. These are pressing demands which necessitate two incomes for as long as possible. The morning rush, evening tiredness, and the demands of the work situation all take their toll of subtle inner stirrings.”

“It was not so for the previous generations. Then, the mother-to-be remained at home. There was knitting to be done, baby’s clothes to stitch, blankets to embroider. Friends called to admire the layette, to enthuse over Grandma’s hand-knitted shawl, to bring a gift, to share the growing anticipation.

This was much more than a time for collecting baby’s clothes; it was also a significant soul preparation.”

What a lovely way to think about pregnancy: soul preparation. While we cannot return to the years gone by, here are some suggestions for the preparation part of pregnancy.

1. Think about ways to connect to your unborn baby that feel comfortable to you. We have all heard stories of women who did not know they were pregnant until they went into labor – the ultimate body-mind disconnect! Let your unborn child know how much you love him or her from the beginning. I suggest active ways to do this could include such things as talking to your unborn baby, singing to your unborn baby, massaging your pregnant belly, visualizing your baby, meditating on your unborn baby. Be assured this baby is a miracle. Christiane Northrup writes in her wonderful book Mother-Daughter Wisdom: Understanding the Crucial Link Between Mothers, Daughters, and Health,

“Regardless of the circumstances of your conception, be assured that your existence is a miracle. The odds against any one of us being born are staggeringly high. Your mother’s body had tens of thousands of eggs to choose from. Only one of them ripened the month you were conceived. That egg accepted just one of the millions of sperm available to her from your father at that moment. Then, guided by biology, destiny, and your soul qualities, the embryo that was you had to make it through the multiple stages of development necessary to launch your unique life into being. For a variety of reasons- genetic, environmental, or a combination of both- most conceptions never reach maturation. Of the relatively few eggs that do get fertilized, 80 percent never make it to the embryonic stage. The statistical probability of a particular egg and a particular sperm coming together to create the unique human that you are is infinitesimally small. On a soul level, of course, statistics mean nothing. If a creation or individual is destined to be born, it will happen. I’ve seen this repeatedly. Babies get conceived under mysterious circumstances in which conception is considered biologically impossible or highly improbable.”

2. Think about how you and your partner communicate with each other. You may consider such groups as The Center for NonViolent Communication for further information. See www.cnvc.org to get started. Changing from being a couple to being responsible for a baby who is completely dependent upon both of you for everything is exciting and wonderful but can also have challenging moments. Communication between you and your partner is one key in making this transition as wonderful as possible. Think about how you will invest in each other as your roles change and grow. Make a commitment to grow together!

More ways to connect to unborn baby and the experience of mothering with heart and soul to follow!