Three-Year Old Behavior Challenges

What is life like with a three-year-old?  There is something quite magical about the three-year-old year, and often something quite difficult.  I have had three mothers contact me recently about life with a three-year-old – its ups and its downs..

This is how the Gesell Institute Book “Your Three-Year-Old” characterizes some of the qualities of a three and three and a half year old”

Three Years:

Conforming, decreased physical aggressiveness, happy most of the time, friendly, pleasing

Loves new words

Likes to make a choice within realm of experience

Sure of himself

Tries to meet and understand social demands

Gets along well with mother

Helpful around house

Like to relive babyhood

Beginning of interest in babies, wants family to have one

If sibling is on the way, most really do not understand baby growing inside mother

Expresses affection readily

Desires to look at and touch adults, especially mother’s breasts

Father can take over in many situations, although Mother still favored parent

Child clings less at bedtime and may go to sleep better for father

Usually enthusiastic about other children but still immature in their social reactions

Children may be more comfortable with adults other than other children – they approach adults with requests for help or information

From page 55, “ Much of a child’s conversation with any adult is still self-initiated. He may respond to what grown-ups say to him, or sometimes, he may not.”

Temper tantrums decline

 

Three and a Half Years:

Turbulent, troubled period of disequilibrium, the simples event or occasion can elicit total rebellion

Strong and secure gross motor abilities may turn more into stumbling, falling, at this age

New- found verbal ability “I’ll cut you in pieces!” and lots of whining

Loves silly rhymes and rhyming words, sentence length is increasing, acquiring a large vocabulary

May refuse to do things a lot, or howl and scream, or say a lot of “I can’t” I won’t” kinds of things

Three and a half to four may be the height  for the most “WHY?”  “WHERE?”  “WHAT?” kinds of questions

Demanding, bossy, turbulent, troubled but mainly due to emotional insecurity

Mother-child relationship difficult but may also cling to mother

May refuse to take part in daily routine – may do better with almost anyone than Mother

Inwardized, insecure, anxious

Determined and self willed; emotional extremes predominate

Emotional and physical insecurity

Anxious; lots of tensional outlets such as nose-picking, nail-biting, boys may be pulling almost constantly at their penises,  etc; can see stuttering and tremors of muscles at times, visual strain

May not eat well, may still have problems with bed-wetting, may wake up in the middle of the night and walk around

Afraid of almost anything and everything

Beginning of prolonged play with dolls, house building, tricycle riding

Girls may propose to Daddy at this age

If your child tells you stories, they may have violent elements in them (page 102)

THINGS THREE-YEAR OLDS DO:

Wonder at things!

Play a lot

Invent stories to tell

Talk a lot and ask a lot of questions

Love their mommies and daddies and pets!

Get all those new words and new skills!

THINGS THAT MOTHERS SAY ARE DIFFICULT ABOUT THE THREE-YEAR-OLD:

Whining

Frequent changing of mind

Wanting to play games constantly with mother and wanting her attention all the time

The difficulty that comes with dressing, eating, going to bed, taking a nap

The asking of “Why?” over and over and over

STEINER’S VIEW OF THE THREE –YEAR -OLD

For an anthroposophical view of the three-year-old, let us consider the following.  Rudolf Steiner had much to say about the period of two-and-a-half until age five; this is the age that “an exceptionally vivid memory and wonderful imagination” starts to happen.  He discusses how children continue to live by imitation, and how the best things to do with children between these ages involve anything that invokes imagination.  This is where Waldorf teachers and followers of Steiner start looking toward more open-ended, homemade kinds of toys due to their beauty and warmth and how much the child can add to this out of the child’s own imagination.

Steiner felt that the child of this period “is by  no means in a position to take in ideas which bear on the moral life.  And it follows that he should not be taught to him.”  In the book “Understanding Young Children; Excerpts From Lectures by Rudolf Steiner Compiled for Use of Kindergarten Teachers”, this story is told: “Two disconsolate parents once came to Dr. Steiner and complained that their child, generally very good, had stolen money that the mother had put in the cupboard, bought sweets and distributed them.  Dr.  Steiner explained that [the child] merely copied what [the child] had seen its mother do.  And this had nothing whatever to do with stealing.  The child becomes what its environment is.”

Steiner also discusses how speech is the foundation for thinking, and how physical mobility is the foundation for speech.  Therefore, a child learns to walk, to speak and then to think.  “In the beginning, “Steiner says, “ the child merely repeats the sounds it hears, sounds that are more or less rhythmic and melodious and in accordance with the peculiar relation between its groping arms and legs.  Thinking can only arise out of speech and not before.”

In Steiner’s view, one of the most important things we can do in the first seven years for our children is to teach the child gratitude.  This becomes the basis of love, the virtue belonging to the second seven year cycles, and duty, the basis of the third seven year cycle.

“If [the child] sees that everyone who stands in some kind of relationship to him in the outer world shows gratitude for what he receives from this world; if, in confronting the outer world and wanting to imitate it, the child sees the right kind of gesture that express gratitude, then a great deal is done towards establishing in him the right moral human attitude.  Gratitude is what belongs in the first seven years.”

One thing that the Gesell Institute book points out on page 12 is this gem of a sentence, “The first is that, as we have tried to emphasize, even though he may be difficult at times, your child is not your enemy.  It is not you against him.”  They point out that the mother matters most to a three-year-old and is therefore the child is often at his best and worst with his own mother. 

Here it is again – how we are mothers respond to our children and set the tone in our home is a determinant in the lives of our family. It is not whether or not our child “behaves”; it is how we ACT toward our child.  Three is so very, very little.  Please do let your child feel your warmth toward them; it goes a long way at three.  The other piece of advice that can be offered for dealing with three is to not turn things into a personal battle between the two of you…it is not you and your child, it is just “this happens when we do this”, “we must do x in order to do x”. Sing, hum, wonder together, and love one another.   The more peaceful, matter of fact energy you can muster will really help in the day-to-day life with a three-year-old.  The more we can create for our child that sense of wonder at life, gratitude for life, the better laid the foundation is for the rest of the child’s life.

The next post will discuss some tips for more peaceful living with your three-year-old.

Just Some Random Thoughts About Newborns

A newborn baby is already a person.

New mothers need special care.

All your energy goes to the new baby at first.

Your baby needs your help when she cries.

Your baby needs you close by day.

Your baby needs you close by night.

You really do have intuition.

Things will never be “normal” again.

You can get the baby’s father involved.

Some babies are more challenging than others.

Continuing to breastfeed is worth the effort.

You are the expert on your baby.

You need people to lean on.

How you mother your baby does make a difference!!

Irritation Points for Parents of Children Birth – Age 4

(This post today is geared toward attachment parenting and gentle discipline, but of course my Waldorf influences come out a bit!)

One of my favorite gentle discipline books is the book “Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline” by Becky Bailey.  She writes in this book about the concept of “irritation points” – you know, those lovable and quirky behaviors that after awhile become not so lovable and quirky…

from Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline

Well, first of all, we need to begin with you.  You are the parent and it all starts with you.  This is by Becky Bailey, page 219

“Here are the warning signs, that you as the adult and grown-up are equating MISBEHAVIOR with DISRESPECT. If parents equate misbehavior with disrespect, they definitely set themselves up to be irritated by typical developmental issues.

These are the warning signs for parents:

– You act like a nut. You scream, shout, threaten, bargain, plead, beg, spank, bribe or cry.

– -You focus on what is wrong and what your child is NOT doing

– -You attribute negative intent to your child

– You blame your child for your upset and try to make her feel bad through guilt, fear, use of force. You refuse to own your own upset.

– You forget the Power of Acceptance (this moment is as it is) and think:

– “This child should know better than this.”

– “I shouldn’t have to give constant reminders. She ought to be able to {fill in the blank}

– “I shouldn’t have to tell her again. She should do what I say when I say it.”

– You become alarmed and wonder, what happened? What have I done wrong to make my child act like this {forgetting the Power of Free Will}? How can a delightful child one month become a monster the next? If she’s this bad now, what will her teen be like?”

(Carrie’s note:  These could be signs you need a break, a parental time-out, more sleep and better nutrition for yourself.  Have life-lines available – a friend who you can call when you are just ready to lose it, someone you can talk to if you need that or just gather everyone up and head outside if that is possible and calming to everyone.  You cannot solve your child’s behavior challenges when you are not in charge of your own behavior!)

Irritation Points from Becky Bailey, all in her book, “Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline.”

INFANCY: The First Year of Life – Irritation Points

-Failed communication

-Face exploration

-Biting or pinching

TODDLERS: The Second Year of Life – Irritation Points

-Anger and frustration

-Temper tantrums –Becky Bailey says,  “If you can stay calm during a toddler temper tantrum, you have half the problem solved – yours.”

-Negative oppositional behavior

-Impulsive behavior

-Possessiveness

-Aggressive behavior

-Nothing seems right

-Endless rituals and love of repetition

PRESCHOOLERS: Ages Three to Five – Irritation Points

Becky Bailey says, “A key developmental task faced by all preschoolers is to acquire power and an identity.”

-The simplest event or routine may trigger total rebellion

– Your child may be shy one minute and impossibly bossy the next.

-Whining

-They may begin to swear and to use elimination swear words

-They exaggerate and brag

-They tend to be aggressive with friends and siblings

-They hate for mom to talk on the phone

-They do not do what they are told to do

-When they know an action is wrong, they may do it anyway.

-They are gloriously funny and love the ridiculous…but they ask lots of questions. (the average four-year old asks 400 questions a day!)

This is a really wonderful, gentle book for parenting.  This is not a Waldorf book, but does have so many truths and practicalities in it!

Reading something like this, or the Gesell Institute Books (“Your One-Year-Old”, “Your Two-Year-Old”, etc) sometimes provides parents a great deal of relief just to know that these behaviors are common!

Waldorf would look at these situations in terms of starting with the parent and what the child is seeing to imitate, keeping to a rhythm with plenty of home-cooked meals of whole, warming foods, warm bed with lots of sleep, not many activities outside of the home (in fact, I would venture to say children under the age of 5 really need no activities outside of the home), plenty of fresh air and time outside in nature, storytelling of simple stories, plenty of opportunity to help with daily chores.  A Waldorf parent and teacher has great respect, warmth and delight for the child, and a great deal of understanding and empathy for the child’s feelings.

I am currently piecing together a post on three-year-old behaviors and challenges from some questions mothers have asked me, and if you would like to leave an “irritation point” that is challenging you, in the comment section, I would be happy to address it!

Warmly,

Carrie

Understanding the Six/Seven-Year Old Transformation

I had a question from a mother regarding a  six year old child (almost seven) who she felt was speaking disrespectfully not only to her but to other elders within the family.

I responded to her that I felt some of the passages from the book “You Are Not the Boss of Me!  Understanding the Six/Seven Year Old Transformation”  may be helpful to her; while much of this book is aimed at Waldorf Kindergarten teachers, I think it is still well-applicable to the home environment.

“This transition time, often called “first puberty” or “first adolescence” is a time when children go through an abundance of transformations.  These can bring symptoms of chaotic behavior manifesting in even the most well-adjusted children……..(if) we as caregivers can be prepared inwardly to see and meet the new behaviors of the children, then the children and their parents are more at ease in our presence. The children can then have a safe place to test out their newfound need to push for boundaries, we are braced to meet them and the parents can have trust that we truly understand their children.”  (Of course, this is written for classroom teachers, but I think the idea still stands.)

Sometime between the age of five and one half  to seven we begin to see that children are asking for something more from us in addition to our continued working out of imitation.”  (page 4)

There is the crux of it; changing from using imitation and modeling to a bit more direct of a disciplinary style.  This does not mean reasoning!  But it does mean a matter-of-fact, peaceful energy around the fact that you are the parent. 

From Page 8 – “One of the most common responses I’ve witnessed is the need of children to be the boss.  Parents, teachers, and their peers are no longer safe from being corrected at every mistake.  This, coupled with an arrival of a sense of time (before, after, and so on), can show itself at circle time when a child speeds up the verse to be finished before the others or on the morning walk when the child slows down her walking so that she can arrive way behind the others.  Going along with what everybody else is doing is no longer an unconscious priority……..A Matter of fact response is needed (then).  “Teachers know the rules of the land, “ or , as I have said to my own children. “That is my job. Your angel asked me to be your helper.”  Children benefit immensely by being met directly at this time, and a neutral, informing tone of voice can reassure them that the boundaries are still in place even though their whole being is in upheaval.  What a relief this is for them!”

This passage is specifically about boys in the kindergarten – “In the kindergarten we can see that boys need to know who is the “boss”. They easily establish a social pecking order with one strong “captain” at the top.  This behavior is even more evident during the six-year-old change.  It is important that an adult take on this role of “captain of the ship.”  There are far fewer problems with bullying and social dominance if it is very clear to the boys that the adult is the boss.  Boys need clear, strong boundaries and limits firmly established.  They do better when the rules of conduct are simple and do not require elaborate explanations.” (page 119)

From page 271 – “Remember, you, as the parent, are the child’s loving authority. Do not be afraid to claim that role.  Your guidance with strengthen, not suppress, your child’s will.  This child is reassured by a warm, confident adult who knows how things work in the world and can show him or her the way.”

Waldorf teachers of this child would think about carefully choosing the battle, trying to transform this situation into a game or offering assistance but also not being afraid to state things a very matter of fact manner regarding  what needs to happen.

The six and seven-year old transformation is the harbinger of what the seven to fourteen-year-old needs.    Many parents out there are using a very direct method of guidance with children younger than six, and this is putting the cart before the horse.  However, as your child moves closer to seven and into the second  seven year cycle, you can have confidence that a direct, clear rule is often called for and needed.

As adults, we do not feel happiness all the time and we do not always speak respectfully at all times to one another.  This child may need to have some other needs addressed – sleep, rhythm, diet, is the child getting sick, what is being modeled in the environment, is this child expending enough physical energy, is something unusual going on at home that is upsetting to the child, is the child involved in some sort of practical work that engages him – but there can also be a place for a simple sentence, and a place for the child to draw a picture to make retribution if he particularly hurt a family member’s feelings with his words.  No guilt trip, no judgment on the child or the child’s behavior in a wordy way.  Just a simple phrase of how we treat one another  and restitution by the child’s hands and body through movement and doing  if this is called for.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Getting Children Into Their Bodies – Part One: Birth to Age 2 and a Half

Steiner looked at the stages of childhood development through seven year cycles.  He further divided the first seven year cycle into three parts consisting of the ages birth through age two and a half, two and  half through age five, and age five to age seven.

Steiner writes about this importance in this passage from “Soul Economy” -(my note: for those of you not familiar with “Steiner – speak”, the ether body refers to the body that maintains your life functions.  It is not visible and is not composed of matter but more encompasses life processes within the body.  When the ether body dies, the result is that the physical body dies as well):

“What children learn during this first two-and-a-half-year period is extremely important for their whole life.  They do so through an incoming activity and from what they have brought with them from prenatal existence.  Just consider how children learn to speak and walk during this first short period.  These are two human faculties that are closely connected with maintaining self-confidence, both from a personal and a social point of view.  These two important faculties are being developed while the ether body is still engaged in shaping the brain and radiating into the rest of the organism.”

One of the principal thoughts for the Early Years from a Waldorf Perspective is that small children under the age of 7 should be in their bodies.  We want to do this not through head oriented commands in the home environment or  the head-oriented verbal commands of organized sports, but through movement couched in fantasy or shown and demonstrated through imitation.

So, without further ado, here are some suggestions. Please take what resonates with you and your family.  The suggestions in this post are certainly not meant as medical advice or meant to substitute for individualized plans formed by you in conjunction with your baby’s doctor or therapist if your baby has developmental challenges.  This post applies to those families with infants who are developing normally, whom do not have medical problems and who were not born prematurely.  For further information regarding a Waldorf approach to children with special needs, please investigate Camphill through this link:  http://www.camphill.org/

For Newborn Babies:  This is not so much about getting your baby into its body, but protecting the baby’s body and the baby’s senses.  Lois Cusick, in her lovely book “The Waldorf Parenting Handbook” ( a great read) says this of the child within the first three years:  “Parents need to defend their helpless child from an over-stimulating environment, from too many sense perceptions.  Their role is to supply a protecting, nourishing nest to replace the safe peace and quiet of the womb.  Quiet, warmth and nourishing mother’s milk are what babies need most when they first enter earth life.”

  • As much as you can, create a calm feeling in your home.   Steiner regarded the first seven year cycle as a time when the child is almost akin to an eye – visual memory dominates.   There are many posts within this blog regarding the creation of rhythm in the home, how to do inner work, and  common marriage and parenting challenges.  Read those and see if they spark any ideas in you!
  • One thing to think about is the baby’s sense of warmth, and while not overdressing the baby, making sure the baby is warm and swaddled if not in your arms or on your body.  Generally, babies under a year should wear hats as well.  Swaddle your baby with the baby’s arms by its mouth to add to further protection of the senses.
  • I know it is not always possible, especially if one has older children, but see if you can avoid taking your newborn to busy supermarkets and stores during the first six weeks.  Try to do without the television and all the blaring noise these boxes provide – I am always amazed when I go into a hospital room to check on a newborn and the whole family is enthralled and listening to some kind of noisy, action-packed show with the newborn baby right there!  It floors me!!  These early weeks deserve to be beautiful with beautiful sounds as well.  So instead of the noisy hustle and bustle of life, try to provide your beautiful baby with soft lullabies and your loving, clear, speech.   Steiner was very clear about no “baby-talk” to a small child, but loving, complex speech with all of its shining words and meanings.  If you can play a lyre or flute, that is lovely as well.
  • Joan Salter writes in her book “The Incarnating Child”, “An upright sling is a real help for a baby with colic, for the warmth of Mother’s or Dad’s body and the vertical position is often the only means of comfort.  But the child does not need to be constantly carried, and in fact, if we observe the child we will see that the natural position for the baby in the first six weeks is the horizontal.”  I do see the wisdom in this statement, the part about the infant’s natural position being horizontal – infants being breastfed certainly spend a lot of time horizontal!    Horizontal, however, by its very nature, does not always mean the baby is on its back.  Breastfeeding usually occurs with the infant in side-lying, and reaching in side-lying is one of the first ways infants often are able to try to reach for an object as gravity is eliminated in this position.  Horizontal can also mean tummy-time.   One way a  young baby can gain the concept of “tummy time” that is so heavily promoted these days (for good reason with the Back to Sleep campaign),  is through laying the baby across mom’s lap for burping or when awake.
  • Your body is the baby’s natural habitat.  Study after study has shown the nervous system of an infant to be regulated by the adult’s body, so please do hold your baby skin to skin!  So, perhaps I disagree a bit with Joan Salter ‘s statement above that babies do not need to be constantly carried in this way:  while I do think it is okay to put your baby down, most babies who are breastfeeding are getting a lot of times in arms with mother  in a horizontal position as they nurse (and this, to me, is nature’s plan!).   If you are feeding your baby with love by another method, please do include a lot of skin to skin time with your baby.  If you are breastfeeding, please quit trying to feed your baby through a tiny triangular-shaped hole of a nursing shirt and nursing bra, and get your baby skin to skin!
  • Things to watch for your baby to do within the first six weeks: see how your infant attains a calm, but alert state; visual fixation on you; visual tracking; auditory orientation (turning to sounds out of visual range); and typical  newborn reflexes.   Newborn development begins with the mouth and the eyes, so pay special attention to these two sense organs.

For Babies Who Are Not Yet Crawling  (About Six Weeks to Six or Seven Months):

  • Yes, I am going to keep saying this in every section:  Make your home the most peaceful place to be that you can.  In “The Incarnating Child” by Joan Salter, she quotes Willi Aeppli from the book The Care and Development of the Human Senses saying, “The power of thinking and of judgment which is not yet in existence cannot form a protective dam against the storming in of sense impressions.  Consequently the child is exposed with his whole body to these impressions in quite a different way, in a far more direct way than at a later age.  All sense-perceptions go deeply into the organism and leave their impressions there…”  The young infant and child needs to be surrounded with perceptions that are good, warm, kind, joyful.
  • Your baby is now physically developing from the head down toward the feet, so pay special attention to these areas, as well as the development  of  hand-eye coordination and reaching.
  • Singing and fingerplays (and toeplays!) are so important!  Talk to your baby without baby talk, but do provide a language-rich environment through singing and verses.
  • When your baby is awake provide lots of time to wiggle and move those arms and legs.
  • Do let your child nap outside if your climate and weather is suitable for that; it is a wonderful way to get your baby connected with nature.  Sit outside with your baby and other children and breathe in with all your senses.   Joan Salter writes in “The Incarnating Child”:  “A well-loved garden is much more than merely a collection of plants.  It has an atmosphere that speaks to the child, and often a restless baby will be calmed by being out of doors in such a place.  To sleep in the garden for an hour or so, or just be there watching and listening, absorbing what Wise Mother Nature has to offer, is a helpful and healthy experience for a child from about two months of age onward.”
  • Much has been written on the subject of sleep, but hopefully during this time you are moving toward more rhythmical nap patterns and bedtime patterns; it is very important that you work toward this with your baby.  If you have a high-needs baby, who by their very nature seems to be irregular and without rhythm, it is even more important that you help them work towards what they cannot do themselves.
  • As an infant moves toward crawling, a parents must be very  patient and also have a rather well-baby-proofed house!

For Babies Who Are Crawling, Pulling to Stand and Learning to Walk (About Six or Seven Months to One Year of Age):

  • Make your home the most peaceful, happy place it can be.
  • Work toward a rhythm of breastfeeding, eating, play, sleeping.  Not a fixed, rigid schedule, but a rhythm.
  • Keep the quality of warmth in mind – babies under the age of one need to wear warm clothes, hats on their bald heads!
  • Joan Salter writes in her book “The Incarnating Child”:  “After about six months of age, other senses start to become more dominant.  The child begins to take in the world more strongly through the eyes and ears….This brings us to the immense importance of visual and auditory sense impressions”  Be a wonderful source of right thoughts, right speech and right action for your child to see and imitate.
  • Get into the habit of starting to use songs and verse for transition times within your day; this will become valuable for toddlerhood.
  • Infants learning to walk need times to practice their sense of balance safely; infant walkers or baby bouncers that hang in the doorway are not appropriate developmental tools for this population. If your child is a normal, healthy developing child, they may not need your coaxing or helping or forcing.  They do need practice and imitation.
  • Once the child is able to walk, he or she may have soft knitted animals or wooden animals as per Joan Salter’s “The Incarnating Child”, page 96.
  • Stranger anxiety may occur during this time period, it is common, and not a sign anything is amiss.

For Toddlers (About a Year or a Year and A Half to Two and A Half Years of Age):

  • Once a child can walk and keep his or her balance, the arms and hands are freed.  Bronja Zahlingen comments in the article, “Movement, Gesture and Language in the Life of the Young Child”:  “This is truly unique to the human being, for the animal, still bound to its physical organization, must utilize its front limbs entirely to serve its body – they must carry and nourish it.  We human beings can perform many different kinds of work. We can work with our hands as artists, we can wave and threaten, give and take, pray and bless.”
  • Gesture and the use of gesture precedes talking from a Waldorf perspective.  This also makes sense from a therapy perspective, since therapists know one must have sufficient muscle tone and muscle control in order to produce speech sounds and a good quality of speech.  Learning to talk is a major part of this time period.  Rahima Baldwin Dancy states in her book “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher:  What Parents Can Do With and For Their Children from Birth Until Age Six”:  “But around a year and a half, children’s language abilities explode, so that most start acquiring new words at the phenomenal rate of one every two hours.  By their second birthdays, most children have mastered 1,000 to 2,000 words and have started stringing two words together.”  Clearly, receptive language ability is developed long before expressive ability.    Steiner viewed mastery of a native tongue as a prerequisite to thinking – we think because we have language.  Whole sentences may appear between ages two and three, according to “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher.”
  • Human speech is looked upon as having three parts by anthroposophists: saying (a one word sentence); naming (dog, cookie); and finally talking (which begins a me-you kind of dialogue with others).  Watch your child for these words and speech development.
  • For speech development, it is so important you talk to your child through song, verses, telling stories of simple sentences that you make up.  Some mothers become great talkers to their children, but then have difficulty slowing this down later on.  Think about what you are actually saying to your child before you just prattle on and on!
  • Early in this year, the child may be ready for a very simple doll of unfinished features.  The doll should be soft to cuddle.  Joan Salter writes in “The Incarnating Child”: “As the child grows, the doll will become a friend to be talked to, told secrets, taken for outings and so on.  It is a first step in developing later relationships.”

For Children of All Ages-

Most of all, protect your small child from overstimulation.

Look at the visual things of beauty in the home, and how your own face is the most beautiful toy to a baby.

Think about the sense of touch and to bring different safe tactile experiences to your small child.

Think about how to bring lovely speech, songs and verses into your home.

Think about pets, gardening experiences and how to get outside in nature.

Give your child lots of chances to practice wiggling their limbs, moving to sit, manipulating objects with their hands,  crawling, balancing while walking on an even surface first and then uneven surfaces.

Let your child work with pouring water, playing with sand and dirt (supervise carefully that they don’t eat all the sand and dirt, of course).

These are just a few thoughts from a Waldorf perspective regarding childhood development and what you should be doing with your child to develop these things.

Verses and Songs Throughout the Day

Many Waldorf mothers lament that while they know they should not use head-oriented commands with small children under the age of seven, they just are not sure how to get through the day without doing this.  One way to think about this is how you could use songs and verses throughout your day for transition points.  For example, instead of announcing all day long, “Now, little Jimmy, we are going to do XYZ”, you have a wonderful song or melody to do this that accompanies YOU starting to DO the physical activity.  (Having small children is not to be directed from the sofa!!)  Once you use the same song or verse for the same activity over and over, the child recognizes what goes with what melody. 

I kept track the other day, and here are some of the ones I use with my family that we enjoy, and maybe this will give you some ideas for your own family!  You will find the songs and verses that work for you!

For waking up in the morning, while I go around and open all the window shades:  The song “Good morning, good morning and how do you do?”  and also the song “Buenos Dias, Buenos Dias, como estas, como estas?”  (sung to the tune of “Where is Thumpkin?”)

For making beds:   The song “This is the way we make the beds, make the beds, make the beds, this is way we make the beds on a “XXXXXX” morning.”

For calling to breakfast and lunch – We sing the prayer “Thou Art Great and Thou Art Good”  from Shea Darien’s book Seven Times the Sun.

For washing dishes:  The song “This the way we wash the dishes, wash the dishes, wash the dishes” as above

For getting dressed:  The nursery rhyme Diddle Diddle Dumpling, My Son John

(I also make up songs sometimes for going potty, brushing teeth or brushing hair).

For being called to start homeschool:  I always call children with a made- up tune on the pennywhistle and then play whatever song is the song of the month.  For example, in November I played “The Pumpkin Pie” song and my kids learned it and sung it for everyone after Thanksgiving dinner while I played.  For this month we are learning the song from the play “The Snowmaiden” from “Little Plays for Puppets” book and also a song about dwarves.  After singing we have a candle-lighting verse and we also use the well-known  Waldorf verse that begins, “Good Morning Dear Earth, Good Morning Dear Sun.”

For quiet time:  We sing one of the quiet songs out of Shea Darien’s book Seven Times the Sun

For ending quiet time:  We use that wonderful folk song that begins, “Bluebird, bluebird (or whatever bird you want!)  fly through my window, bluebird, bluebird, fly through my window.”  It is on Pete Seeger’s CD of folk songs

Favorite verse for going outside:  The nursery rhyme that begins, “The grand old Duke of York, he had ten thousand men, he marched them up a hill and then he marched him down again.”

For practical work, I do have verses for wet on wet watercolor painting, baking, handwork, gardening and housekeeping that can be found in A Child’s Seasonal Treasury,

For dinner we rotate between these two prayers: 

Father, we thank thee for this food before us

Give us strength to do Thy Will

Guide and Protect Us in Your Heavenly Path

For Christ’s Sake, Amen.

or this one:

Bless this food to our use

And us to thy (continued) service

And make us ever mindful of thy blessings

Amen.

For Bathtime- Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub

For Bedtime- Prayers (we say four prayers at night)

First we say “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep”

Then we say this one:

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,

Bless this bed that we lie on,

Two at our head, two at our feet,

Protect us (bless us) while we are fast asleep.

Then we say a quick prayer to the archangels of St. Raphael, St. Gabriel, St. Michael and St. Uriel, (and we list what we are thankful for from the day)

And then at last we say “Our Father Who Art in Heaven”.

This is just a small sampling, and you can come up with traditional verses, songs and prayers that speak to your own spiritual/religious life.   I also make up many songs on the spot and sing.  My oldest thinks my voice is beautiful, which I assure you it is not, but the point is you do not have to be a great singer to do this!!  It is great fun, the kids learn all of this by heart easily, and it is so much better than walking around like a play-by-play football announcer each day.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Fun For The Seven Year Old Birthday

This is for those of you who remember turning seven, were once seven years old, who have a seven year old or who have a child who will someday be seven!  Turning seven is something very important within the Waldorf tradition and to me this rite of passage deserves to be marked in a special way.

This is what we did in leading up to our daughter’s seventh birthday (which actually took place awhile back, but I just found these  little notes about her birthday to remind me to share this with you all!)

In the weeks leading up to her birthday we read “The Seven Year Old Wonder Book” by Isabelle Wyatt (this is a Waldorf tradition and must not be skipped!).  The week of her birthday we had our own Rhyme Elves Book.  For those of you who may not have read “The Seven Year Old Wonder Book”, the little girl in the story listens to a story told by her mother (each chapter is sort of a story within a story that takes place around different festival times).   The little girl has a small blank book by her bedside, and when she wakes up, there is a wonderful little poem that the Rhyme Elves wrote about the story the little girl heard the day before.  The stories I told for the birthday week were Little Red Cap (Grimm’s Fairy Tales), The Lake at the End of the World (Ecuadorian Fairy Tale available in the Waldorf book “You’re Not the Boss of Me!”), Maid Maleen (Grimm’s), and the Pumpkin Child (my favorite –  a Persian tale also available in the Waldorf book “You’re Not the Boss of Me!”).  I tried to go for stories that were about the struggle of transformation at an archetypal level.  We made our Rhyme Elves Book just simply by taking two watercolor paintings and binding them on the outside with plain paper in between.  Most of all,  we were so lucky to have some handy little Rhyme Elves who were willing to write poems in her Rhyme Elves book!

The weekend before her actual birthday, our daughter’s aunt came and took her shopping and for high tea at a very fancy hotel downtown, which my daughter enjoyed thoroughly!

On the day of her birthday we presented our daughter with her gifts at breakfast, including a scroll of all the fun things she did the year when she was six and she presented a small gift to her youngest sister.  Then  we went  as a family to Rock City, TN to spend the day.  (If you are not familiar with Rock City, please see this website:  http://www.seerockcity.com/Flash/index.htm    It really is a very magical place, for young and old).  We also made her favorite dinner and had homemade strawberry shortcake for dessert.

On the weekend after her birthday, we had a small birthday party with our closest family friends where the main activity was boat building for the children, thanks to a dear friend and her Master woodworking/carpenter husband.  All the hulls and parts were pre-cut, but the children had a great time hammering extra carved pieces on the hulls, putting a dowel in for the mast and picking sails from a pile of fabric.    I told the story of how our daughter came over the Rainbow Bridge while she wore a crown I had sewed.  Then we had  vegan birthday cupcakes! 

This was a very fun week for our family, and I hope my daughter looks back on it with fond memories.

Maybe something in here will stimulate your own ideas for a special birthday celebration!!

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

For Parents of the Five to Seven Year Old

Melisa Nielsen over at A Little Garden Flower wrote a great response with some practical ideas to those of you starting to deal with the six and seven year old transformation (and there is a nice link to this blog in that post!  Thanks Melisa!)

http://waldorfjourney.typepad.com/a_journey_through_waldorf/2008/12/children-going-through-change-.html

Read and enjoy, I will have more to say about this important stage of childhood development after The Holy Nights are over.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

The Seven to Fourteen Year Old

There is a time to treat children one way in Waldorf, and there is a time to adjust how you treat your children as they grow older.  This is part of the Waldorf way and view of childhood development.  The hallmarks of the early years are repetition, reverence, imitation and modeling, less words, protection of the child. 

Now I would like you to read what Steiner said about the seven to fourteen year old in the lectures compiled in “The Education of the Child”:  “The development of the ether body occurs in the period from the seventh year until the sixteenth year in boys, and until the fourteenth year in girls.  It is important for the rest of a person’s life that feeling of respect and veneration are fostered  during this period…..People around the children, with whom they have contact, must be their ideals; children must also choose such ideals from history and literature……This is the age when memory, habit and character must be established, and this is achieved through authority.  If the foundation of these traits is not laid during this period, it will result in behavioral shortcomings later. “

Steiner goes on to talk about what things influence the ether body – he discusses things that “promotes feelings of health and vigor” – he cites gymnastics (not the typical gymnastics, these gymnastics were a series of specially created exercises), art – especially vocal and instrumental music,  and “most important of all is religious instruction.  Images of things supersensible are deeply imprinted in the ether body.”

Steiner said, “The task to fulfill between the ages of seven and fourteen is to create a basic set of habits and to stimulate memory development…..We form a strong memory, not by explaining all the “whys” and “wherefores”, but through authority.”    He  page 151 of the lectures compiled in “Soul Economy”:  “This sense for authority in children between the change of teeth and puberty must be respected and nurtured, because it represents an inborn need at this age.  Before one can use freedom appropriately  in later life, one must have experienced shy reverence and a feeling for adult authority between the change of teeth and puberty.”

He also goes on to say that while imitation and example are the hallmark of the early years, the years of 7 to 14 are for discipleship and authority.  Note Steiner does not say this is the age for reasoning either, because logical thought does not come in until around the age of 14 years or older.

As part of your Holy Nights meditation, meditate and ponder on this: Am I using the right tools for my child, based upon their age?  Should their world be still completely closed or should it be opening up a bit? Am I putting the cart before the horse by using more grown-up tools with my four year old?  Am I instilling reverence and authority in my ten year old?  How am I doing, and what do I  need to do to feed my child’s soul?

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

What Do You Deserve?

This came across a list I am on this morning and it is such a valuable perspective to offer that I wanted to share it with everyone.  This work has been credited to Louise L. Hayes.

Deservability Treatment

I am deserving.  I deserve all good.  Not some, not a little, but all good.

I now move past all negative, restricting thoughts.

I release and let go of the limitations of my family, friends, and co-workers.

I love them, and I go beyond them. I am not their negative opinions, nor their limiting beliefs.

I am not bound by any of the fears or prejudices of the current society I live in.

I no longer identify with limitation of any kind.

In my mind, I have total Freedom.  I now move into a new space of consciousness,

where I am willing to see myself differently.

I am willing to create new thoughts about myself and about my life.

My new thinking becomes new experiences.

I now know and affirm that I am at one with the prospering power of the universe. 

As such, I now prosper in a number of was.  The totality of possibilities lies before me.

I deserve a good life. I deserve love, an abundance of love.

I deserve good health.  I deserve to live comfortably and prosper.

I deserve joy and happiness. I deserve freedom to be all that I can be.

I deserve more than that. I deserve all good.

I accept this abundant life with joy, pleasures and gratitude.  For I am deserving.

I accept it; I know it to be true.

 

Hope this provides you some encouragement in this season of the year and in this season of your life.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.