Category Archives: Development

Some Interesting Children’s Health Notes: Zinc, Vaccinations, Flower Essences, Encopresis and More

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Due to my professional background, sometimes interesting things regarding the health of infants and children pass over my desk.  Today I have chosen a few of these items to share with you!

ZINC

I am over halfway through the book “What Babies and Children Really Need”  by Sally Goodard Blythe in order to write a review for Donna Simmons over at  Christopherus (so look for a review soon!).  In it was a very interesting quote about zinc, and I thought I would share it with you all:

“Boys need five times the amount of zinc in utero that girls need (for formation of testes), so commonly it is the boys who are grossly deficient.  This may result in poor growth and general development both before and after birth, colic and diarrhoea, poor sucking, late teething and other milestones and generally retarded development both physically and mentally.  Hyperactivity, dyslexia, and behavioural problems will mar the school career and general growth and puberty may be delayed and/or incomplete.”

This passage went on to say that many children diagnosed with ADHD have low zinc levels.  For girls, signs of zinc deficiency show up around age 9, when the ovaries begin to function in preparation for puberty years later.  Low zinc status may also linked to anorexia.

Very interesting stuff!

On to other health notes:

 ENCOPRESIS

The second piece of information that passed my desk regarding children’s health was one regarding encopresis.   For those of you who have never heard of this debilitating condition,  encopresis is an elimination disorder that affects up to 3 percent of children ages 4 and over and is found more commonly in boys.  It is essentially fecal incontinence over constipation.  The onset is usually due to chronic constipation which causes a stretching of the colon-rectum area, which leads to decreased sensitivity.  This results in the child not being able to feel the need to go to the bathroom and the softer stool starts leaking around the blockage of constipation.  This causes emotional distress for the older child who understands these “accidents” are happening, and really affects quality of life.

Traditional approaches such as stool softener and laxatives, regulation of fiber, scheduled toileting all seem to fail in treating this condition. 

Now a program at Saint Louis University Hospital is having some success with children ages 7 and up who have this condition in as little as 12 to 15 weeks with pelvic floor training.

This could be just the breakthrough parents of children with encopresis are waiting for!

(Addendum:  A lovely mother emailed me with some more resources for parents whose children are dealing with encopresis.  She writes there is an active forum on Yahoo Groups for parents of children with encopresis. There are over 400 members currently. It’s a great place for people to feel that they are not alone and share advice. http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/encopresis_kids/

She also writes she has found one program to be quite helpful for parents who have tried everything (including treatment centers). The name of the program is Soiling Solutions. Here is the website: http://www.soilingsolutions.com/
This is a home-based treatment with an active parent forum that includes a GI doctor, a behavioral psychologist (founder of SS), a social worker, and many parents in the trenches of helping their children.

The other program you might want to refer folks to is the U Can Poop Too program. www.ucanpooptoo.com/  This is a study out of a university. Forget which one. The site is down temporarily today. Parents can participate in the study and get help for free. This is an online program —

LATEST UPDATE 7/13/10 – This came to me from one of the investigators of this study:  “The study is funded by the National Institutes of Health and the intervention was developed at the University of Virginia.  The purpose of this study is to determine whether an Internet-delivered intervention can help treat encopresis.  Thus, all families with access to the Internet could potentially be eligible to participate as there is no face-to-face involvement.
 
The link you have on your site is correct:
 
www.ucanpooptoo.com
 
But unfortunately, on the day of the posting we had severe weather that put our servers down for about 36 hours.  The good news is that all is back up and running smoothly.” 

Thank you so much for this update!! Hope this is helpful to some families!)

Thank you to my readers, who are the experts! 🙂  Many blessings!

 VACCINATIONS

Here is an one mother’s story regarding vaccinations from the Christopherus website:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/early-years-nurturing-young-children-at-home/the-waldorf-baby/thinking-about-vaccination.html

Here is a book regarding an anthroposophical view of vaccinations and you can read part of it on Google Reader:  http://books.google.com/books?id=-6NngjSbHIkC&pg=PA9&lpg=PA9&dq=vaccination+anthroposophical&source=bl&ots=EuuA2U9SQ6&sig=fCrJ9_DfL2xo747KbkE3NM8gF0A&hl=en&ei=8zM4SoTCIIzElAf3yu3pDQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=6#v=onepage&q=vaccination%20anthroposophical&f=false 

The other two books I like on the subject include “The Vaccine Book:  Making the Right Decision For Your Child” by Dr. Robert Sears and Aviva Jill Romm’s book, “Vaccinations:  A Thoughtful Parent’s Guide:  How To Make Safe, Sensible Decisions about the Risks, Benefits and Alternatives.”

 

FLOWER ESSENCES and ANTHROPOSOPHIC MEDICINE

Here is a link for you:

http://www.anthromed.org/Article.aspx?artpk=256

VITAMIN D AND BREASTFEEDING

Vitamin D deficiency is turning out to be HUGE here in the United States, and is of great concern for pregnant and breastfeeding mothers.  Here is a good summary of information from La Leche League:  http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVIss1-2009p2.html

Happy investigating!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Kidscapes, Nature In The City and More!

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A dear reader from Down Under recently passed this link onto me:  http://www.greenheartsinc.org/Parents__Guide.html . 

This site really has wonderful suggestions for creating nature “kidscapes” – and even if you don’t have your own yard,  this section has valuable ideas for the types of experiences in nature that would be helpful in developing the twelve senses for young children.  This website also has this document:  http://www.greenheartsinc.org/uploads/25_Easy_Nature_Play_Ideas_for_Preschool_Yards.pdf which is more specific to preschoolers.  I suggest printing out both and putting them in your Homemaking Notebook (if you have one) for planning purposes for fall and also as just general good reminders! 

In this document: (http://www.greenheartsinc.org/uploads/Green_Hearts_Design_Principles_for_Nature_Play_Spaces.pdf ), I found this terrific quote: 

“Think Small. A nature play space for you and your adult friends can be a 50,000-acre wilderness area, but for kids you have to think and plan on their scale! To best engage and excite young children, keep play area paths, structures, plantings, and challenges all significantly smaller than what you might normally envision for your typical visitors. It really doesn’t take much to delight a five-year-old, to whose eyes the world is incalculably larger than it is to yours! More small delights will keep kids playing longer than fewer large-scale ones.”

All I can say is, OH YES!  I have fielded this particular  question many times over the years: Is Waldorf only for people who live in the country? What do I do since I live in the city?

Waldorf Education and connection to nature is for everyone! I encourage families in the city to think about “adopting”  a tree on their block,  feeding the birds and putting out a bird feeder or feeding the pigeons.  You can also bring nature inside your home. For example, having and observing the lifecycle of caterpillars into butterflies, tadpoles into frogs, worm composting and ant farms,  keeping snails in a jar for a day or so so you can closely look in wonder at this fascinating creature. All of these things are wonderful and can be done in any setting – urban, suburban or rural.

Other ideas include container gardening, going a few places annually year after year like apple or berry picking, growing herbs in a windowsill garden, going outside to really feel the rain or the snow, looking for Jack Frost’s paintings on your window…all can be done wherever!

So I guess my thought is so long as you show wonder and reverence for the spot of nature where you are, ants and dandelions count!   Nature crafts are also wonderful for the smaller crowd to work hands-on with nature in an artistically pleasing way.

Please do be sure to check www.mainlesson.com for some simple nature stories or make them up! The other resource you might like would be Donna Simmons’ From Nature Stories to Natural Science available here:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/bookstore-for-waldorf-homeschooling/essential-christopherus-publications/from-nature-stories-to-natural-science.html

This back post on nature is near and dear to my heart; if you have not read it before perhaps you would enjoy it:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/24/connecting-your-children-to-nature/

Many blessings,

Carrie

A Summer Parenting Project For You

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Some adults say they are not religious, but that they are spiritual.  So, my question for all of us to ponder today is how we make our religion and/or our spirituality evident to our children through  ACTIVITY?  A child is about DOING.  How does your child see you express your religious and spiritual views?  Do you even know what these are?  And, if not, can you figure them out?

I like what Donna Simmons has to say in her Third Grade Syllabus regarding festivals:  “It seems right to me that as a child develops a new relationship to authority and to his sense of self and place in the world, hallmarks of the Nine Year Change, he needs opportunities  to deepen his relationship to the spiritual worlds.  And what is most important is that this take place via you, your family and your community.  Your child needs to see his parents and significant adults standing strongly in their beliefs.  It might be that some day your child’s path takes her quite some distance from your beliefs, but her first steps need to start from standing firmly beside you.”

I urge you to make one of your projects this summer to explore your own religious and/or spiritual beliefs – really figure out what resonates with you!  Then, can you use the summer to explore places of worship or other venues where you can be with people who have the same spiritual beliefs you do?  But the catch is this:   that place, that venue should  also  be a community  in which your children can participate.  Yes, this has to be something the family participates in, the child participates in, and something the child can see and do. 

The other catch is that you cannot bring your adult perfectionism to the table or your past experiences.  Pick what resonates with you from a clean slate and leave your baggage behind!  Try it! 

Children need this place of religious and spiritual orientation to start from.  Give them that boat to start in and show them which way to paddle.  If in the future, if they decide to throw away the oars and jump off the boat, that is okay – but you at least are giving them a place to start. 

A great meditative summer project!  Would love to hear what happens!

Many blessings,

Carrie

The Foundation Years of Ages 9-12: Decreasing High-Risk Behavior in Teens

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Many of you have been following along chapter by chapter the wonderful book,  “Discipline Without Distress:  135 Tools for raising caring, responsible children WITHOUT time-out, spanking, punishment, or bribery” by Judy Arnall.

The last chapter we reviewed was the chapter regarding the teenaged years.  There were some very sobering facts in there, such as suicide is one of the top three causes of death in teens, that the average marijuana use in the US is age 14, that many children have tried alcohol by age 12.  This really has hit home  for me personally as I know three mothers  who have really struggled with their teens in the areas of addiction issues and sexual promiscuity.  One of the teens recently overdosed, was the victim of a crime,  and lost his life.  This is a heart-breaking tragedy and I have felt so sad about this.  As parents we always wonder what we could have done differently in a situation like this, and my heart hurts for this family.

Judy Arnall, in this chapter about teens, goes through some of the things parents of teenagers need (for our teenagers to respect themselves and others, to have their teenagers feel successful in their relationships, school, work and community).  She lists some of the reasons that teenagers try high-risk behaviors such as curiosity, unhealthy self-esteem and want to feel good about themselves, lack of coping skills to deal with their problems and needing to escape, not understanding that they can say “no” to a sense of obligation or pressure from peers or  partners, needing to feel grown-up, needing to rebel, needing to fit in and win approval of peers, needing to escape uncomfortable feelings, feeling invincible and not understanding the risks/benefits/ consequences, not being able to communicate their needs to their family.

I would add a few things to this list:  besides curiosity,I think  boredom coupled with  a lack of guidance by caring adults to channel this boredom or curiosity into healthy things, and also I think there is a   lack of something bigger than themselves to worry about.  I think this is extremely important.

I was talking to a dear friend about this chapter and she was saying one thing that really helped her in her teenaged years was that she was very into horses and horseback riding and that she had a horse who depended upon her every day to take of it.   That is something bigger than yourself.

I talked  about this book regarding  rites of passage  ( https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/30/rite-of-passage-parenting-four-essential-experiences-to-equip-your-kids-for-life-heading-up-to-the-nine-year-change-and-beyond/), and part of the book asks essentially “what does your child do around the house that you could not be without if they were not there?”  There it is again:  what is your child involved in that is bigger than himself or herself?  How is your child tied to you, your family, your community?

If the average age of marijuana use is 14, and the average child has tried drinking before age 12, I believe the foundation for decreasing high-risk teenage behaviors HAS to start around that nine-year change (and before, of course.  Attachment and security and so many things are laid during that first seven year cycle)  But in many ways, I think because that nine-year change is a watershed where your child starts to feel separate from others, separate from you and the family, different, is noticing things about how different families and people do different things,  now is the time to start.

I have an almost nine-year old, and I am trying to formulate some thoughts in my head as to how to create responsibility for my child that is bigger than her, how to keep time together,how to keep  communication open, and how to best answer her questions about life.    I am thinking hard.  I have four years until the teenaged years, and this time is precious to me.  Is it to you?

It is NOT enough to just talk about drugs and alcohol and sex.  Yes, those conversations have to be there and they have to keep going throughout these years.  But, there has to be ACTION.   How will you help your child/teen structure their time, their environment, so these behaviors are less likely to occur?  What are the top three things in your house that your child KNOWS is not negotiable?  What freedoms can you give, but also what RESPONSBILITIES go with these freedoms?  WHAT does your child have to look up to , to participate in, to take care of, that is bigger than himself or herself? 

What community OUTSIDE the family is your child involved in and accepted in – is it one that you have helped create or one that just happened along the way?  I am sure both can be okay, but it is important to know what is going on in that community.  For example, how well do you know your child’s friends?  Judy Arnall brings up the point of creating a “secondary community” away from the school environment if your child is in school – through church or other religious outlets, through Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts, through volunteering .   There HAS to be something bigger than themselves for these children.

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Many blessings,

Carrie

The Four Temperaments

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In Waldorf Education, the four temperaments are seen as a tool to help us understand the child as a “whole” human being.  The idea of the four temperaments was not new in Steiner’s time;  it came about during the Greek times and again during the Middle Ages (some of you may remember hearing about the four humors or the four fluids).

Roberto Trostli writes in “Rhythms of Learning”:  “Our temperament mediates between these two streams; it allows us to reconcile our hereditary characteristics with out destiny.” 

Here are a few things to be aware of with the temperaments:

  • You cannot tell what temperament your child is before the change of teeth.  You may see glimmers here and there, but things do change over the years.  So , if you have small children under the age of 7, please save this information for the future.  I would even argue you can see the temperament of your child best as they approach the nine-year change.
  • According to Steiner, each period of the lifespan has a temperament associated with it:  childhood-sanguine (most sources say sanguine, some sources say choleric; I say sanguine);  adolescents- choleric; adulthood-melancholic and old age-phlegmatic.
  • As an adult, the goal is for all your temperaments to be in harmony with none of the temperaments.  So if you see one thing predominating in  yourself, then you may have to work to cultivate the other temperaments and bring yourself into more harmony.

The workshop I attended required some artistic work and rendering of the temperaments, so know that is an option for home.  We worked with a color wheel and the temperaments and drawing.  It was very interesting, and now,  without further ado, let’s talk about each of the temperaments:

CHOLERIC: (colors:  black, reds).  Cholerics are associated with fire, summer and a predominance of “I” for an adult… (in a child, the astral body is said to predominate in this temperament).  Cholerics are people such as Napoleon (okay, he was a badly unchecked choleric), Nero, President Teddy Roosevelt, Donald Trump.   They are strong people who “DO” – the leaders of our times.  Some Waldorf teachers feel less of these cholerics are coming to us as we see less leaders and people wanting to step forth and lead during our times, as opposed to times such as World War II. 

At any rate, these fast, fiery, strong-willed and quick-tempered individuals are also very fair and associated with the mathematical process of division.  They can have great warmth and can be exceptional leaders.  They are also very hard workers and are very goal-oriented.

From a physical standpoint, cholerics can be short-statured, with shorter necks. They also  can be associated with  having health problems involving the heart.

The challenges of an individual with a choleric temperament includes being bossy or stubborn, quick-tempered and then regretful afterwards, not listening to others well.

SANGUINE:  (colors: yellows, the rainbow!)  Sanguines are associated with spring, air, sweetness, and a predominance of the astral body for the adult (for children, the etheric body predominates).  Sanguines are such people as President John F Kennedy and President Clinton.  They are full of life, they have lots of ideas, they are the social glue of a classroom,  the social  movers and the shakers  of society.  They notice everything, they respond to everything and move quickly from one thing to another. They are personable, light-hearted people. Sanguines are often associated with the mathematical process of addition.

Physically, they are often have balanced, graceful body types and are beautiful or handsome.   They can be drawn to smoking, and have health problems associated with the lungs.

The challenges of an individual with a sanguine temperament includes starting many projects but not finishing, being prone to social pressures, possibly one could see a teenager with this temperament being predominate that they would seek out inappropriate things in adolescence in order to ground them.  They can also be seen as shallow, superficial and fickle.

PHLEGMATIC:  (colors: greens and blues) Phlegmatics are associated with winter and water and a predominance of the etheric body (in children, the physical body predominates).  Phlegmatics are slow, steady people who love their physical comforts, order, repetition.  They have a hard time starting things, but once they get started, they become engaged and will stick with a project until it is completed.  They tend to be loyal, patient, dependable.  They can be deep thinkers that come up with great ideas. 

I always think of phlegmatics and digestion and inner bodily processes (due to being associated with water, like the tides going in and out and the inner rhythm of the etheric body.  Physically, there is often a softness to how a person with a predominantly phlegmatic temperament looks.  They tend toward obesity.  They can be prone to such health problems as gout and problems associated with the lymphatic system. 

The challenge of this temperament is to interest them in something besides comfort and food.   They can be rather lazy – or are they just taking it all in and thinking deeply?  Transitions can be a problem, for once they are started and caught up in something, they do not want to stop.  But most of all, the  phlegmatic individual can have a temper!  A temper that makes a choleric look like a kitten.  People who have a predominantly phlegmatic temperament are very patient indeed, but once they are angry – look out, because it all explodes.

MELANCHOLIC: (colors:  indigo, purples, violets)  Melancholics are associated with the fall and earth, along with the mathematical process of subtraction.  They have a predominant physical body, although in children one sees a predominance of the “I”.  A melancholic person is introspective, thoughtful.  They tend to be insightful people and take everything to heart and are often sad or despondent.  They can have a great capacity for sympathy and tend to be perceptive about other people’s pain.  They typically can articulate their thoughts and feelings well.

Physically, a melancholic is often tall and thin and can be prone to rheumatism and arthritis.  Due to their sensitivity, they often make good workers in the health care field.

The challenge of the melancholic is that they can become self-absorbed and feel their problems are like those that no one else in the world  has ever experienced.  They also can get lost in details and lose the big picture.  They can be prone to perfectionism.

In the next post, we will talk about some ways to work with each temperament effectively.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Renewal: Mission Statements

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This is the time of renewal, this sacred and new time between Easter and Ascension.  This is a great time to take stock and start planning; plan for your personal development; plan for homeschooling (Waldorf mothers who are homeschooling the grades – have you ordered your materials yet?  Have you started laying out a flow to your blocks for the fall?); plan for what you would like to see happen between now and fall.

You are the architect, you are the designer, you are the artist of your life and the lives of your children.  If things are overwhelming right now,it is okay to say no to things.  It is okay to set boundaries.  It is okay to be real and authentic and honest about what you can and cannot handle!

One thing that always helps me is  to go back to our Family Mission Statement.  Here is a back post about writing a family mission statement, you can see that here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/08/creating-a-family-mission-statement/  Once you have this piece of paper, please do make sure to review it, use it, keep it in your mind as you make decisions.  It should be like a guiding compass for your family and the things you choose to do as a family. 

The other thing that can keep you centered is to have your own Personal Mission Statement or what some people call a Personal Vision Statement.  The more you can develop yourself, learn about yourself, and calm and center yourself (which means actually figuring out what makes you feel calm and centered to begin with :)), your family will absolutely benefit.  Children want a mother that is calmly in control of things and can be a resource, a guide, a boundary, a wall to bounce off if need be – but a gentle, calm and nurturing presence.  What children don’t want is out- of- control, screaming and yelling parents where the whole atmosphere of the house feels stressed and falling apart.  You can get to the first thing, but you have to stop and think. 

  • Think about what would make the biggest difference in your life to make yourself more calm.
  • Think about what your priorities really are, and how your life could reflect that. 
  • How could your marriage be a priority?  What would that look like?
  • If your children are small, they must be a priority.  They are depending upon you to guide them and to love them and to teach them.
  • What do you want your homeschooling adventure to look like?  Have you assessed your child and know what they need to work on – not just “skill-wise” but also emotionally, physically, spiritually?  What do they need to develop into “whole” human beings?  What would your homeschooling look like to reflect that?  Now is the time to assess for next year’s planning.  You cannot figure out what you are going to do in homeschooling next year unless you have assessed where your child is right now, and some of the biggest homeschooling lessons have nothing to do with academic skills at all.

Just a few thoughts for today.

Many blessings to you,

Carrie

The Adult Will And How To Develop It

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The development of will for personal issues, such as being able to go to bed, get up on time, stick to a flow of the day, to me, can be much further addressed in several areas:

1.  Use of forty days to establish a new habit.  Not just twenty-one days, but forty.  To work on one thing at a time!

2.   The will is an outward gesture of DOING.  I think it was Zig Ziglar who said, “Do it, and you will be motivated to do it.”  Sometimes we think too hard, plan too much, and we just need to do it. 

3.  I think handwork is a perfect place to develop your will.  Anytime you “eyeball” something and work with doing, you are developing those faculties of will.

4.  Try it, and if you fail, try again! The key is in the striving!  Pick a friend or have your spouse help you be accountable!

Many blessings to you on this new day, this new moment! 

Carrie

Renewal: Personal Development

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This is the plain and sad  but true fact:  many of us have invested many hours and dollars in vocational training or college degrees, but many of us never go on to spend much money or time to  develop ourselves personally after that. 

For example, in college, you probably spent hundreds and even thousands of dollars on textbooks and classes and hours of  time reading.  But after college, have you spent any money at all on your own personal development?  Have you spent any time reading to learn?  Have you taken any classes regarding parenting?  Sought out any mothers who parent the way you want to parent?

We all are busy, and some of us do carry harder burdens than others.  That is true.  However, we can really bless our families by choosing to educate ourselves.    I know it is hard, but you must have been drawn to parent differently than your parents for a reason.  You must have drawn to Waldorf homeschooling for a reason.  Honor that intuition; commit to it and own it.   Can you read for five minutes in the morning after you get breakfast done and cleaned up?  Five minutes while the kids play outside?  Five minutes before you go to bed?  Set a timer if need be, but can you try just for five minutes a day?

This is the thing:  I know you want to be a great parent.  I know that because otherwise you would not be here reading this blog!  You may be reading this because you  want to homeschool.  I am here to tell you no matter what method of homeschooling you choose, Waldorf or not, you will have to do some planning!  Yes, there are things that are “open and go” but you will still have to tailor things for your child, and if you take the time to really holistically evaluate your child and plan around that, the experience will be so much richer.   If you are a Waldorf homeschooling mother, take the time to read and decide for yourself such things as will the order of these blocks work for my child, will they work for where I live geographically? Take the time to figure out what the curriculum is saying to your child at their developmental level.

.So, please,  in this time of renewal between Easter and Ascension, please, consider making time to read a little bit.  Make a commitment to plan for your child’s education next year.  Your child and your homeschooling experience  is worth your time in planning.  If you start and do an hour a week now plus a little bit of reading each and every day, you will be all ready by the end of summer!

You might be wondering, well, what should I read?

Here are my suggestions, please do take what resonates with you or add your suggestions in the comment boxes below!

For parenting and gentle discipline, see here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/11/27/favorite-books-for-gentle-discipline/

For the six/seven year old change, try “You’re Not the Boss of Me!  Understanding the Six/Seven Year Transformation” edited by Ruth Ker, and available here at Bob and Nancy’s:  http://www.waldorfbooks.com/edu/child_development_health.htm  (scroll down)

For understanding Waldorf Education in light of child development, I recommend “Soul Economy” and “The Education of the Child”

For Waldorf grades one and two (and three! and beyond!), I recommend “Practical Advice to Teachers” and “Discussions with Teachers”

Many of the parenting books can be found at your local library or used on Amazon or other booksellers.  Many of Steiner’s works can be found for free on-line.

Read, learn, plan and enjoy!

Much love to you,

Carrie

Children Who Slap Faces And Other Fun Behaviors

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(This is the tabloid edition of The Parenting Passageway today, you know, kind of like, Men Who Do Terrible Things And The Women Who Love Them or something like that…)

Let’s see…the fun behavior of the toddler…I am sure you all can help me out here with the behaviors and challenges!   Some of these  behaviors keep coming up over and over here when I asked for feedback regarding discipline challenges and also in My Real Life from mothers in my local area, so I thought I would address them here with a few suggestions and you can take what resonates with you.  Pick and choose, add your own creative ideas!  There is No One Answer, the Right Answer is the One That Works For Your Family!  Seriously!  As long as it is gentle and keeps to the boundary, then there you go!  Check out the toddler discipline posts under the Baby/Toddler header, several of those posts literally have every discipline situation that could come up with a toddler.

Here is a re-cap of some of the ones mothers have been asking about recently (but please do go look at the back posts!):

Face-slapping:

  • Set child down if you are holding them.
  • Turn it into a “high-five”
  • Tell the child that hurts and show them how you would like to be touched instead.
  • Watch out for signs child is getting frustrated in order to prevent  and use your tools of movement and channeling into work and help to move on
  • Know this phase is limited usually once the toddler  has more speech
  • Know this may take 500 times!
  • What would work best for your family?  Your ideas here:

Running away at the park or other public places:

  • Limit outings for right now. Sorry about that!
  • Bring a second adult who can help you corral your children
  • Many parents have a natural consequence in place, such as if you run away, we immediately leave the park.  However, a child younger than four and a half or five  may really not understand that very well.
  • Do errands at night or another time without the toddler.
  • Practice holding hands and looking for cars at all times.  Have a verse or rhyme that goes with the holding hands/looking.
  • What would work best for your family??  Your ideas here:

Child is stuck on a  “bad word”:

Sitting Still:

  • Figure about three to five minutes for every year of the child’s age, and really look  at your child.  Are they a “mature” acting three or four year old, or rather immature?  That will give you a clue as to what might be a realistic expectation.
  • Bring something with you to do for the small child.  Make up a special little “Sunday bag” for church, let them bring a stuffed animal or doll with them.
  • Practice times of sitting quietly at home for a story, thirty seconds before you light the candle for dinner, thirty second in silence after you say the blessing over the meal..
  • What would work best for your family?  Your ideas here:

Hitting, Kicking:

Ah, no one’s favorite.

  • You cannot let the child hurt you (or anyone else!).  If it is toward you, step away or hold the child if you can do it and be calm!  If the child is hitting someone else, they must come and be with you in a time-in.
  • Connect with this child during other times in a warm way.  Are they feeling poorly physically or emotionally?  This does not excuse the behavior, but provides a clue as to what they need!
  • If this is occurring during play dates and such, please think strongly about whether or not your small child needs this social experience at this point.  You can see my take on social experiences for the four year old in back posts, so you can guess what I think about toddlers from that….
  • Go back to your basics – rhythm, outside time, warm and nourishing meals.
  • If you need help dealing with hitting and kicking as part of a temper tantrum, please see here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/12/more-about-time-in-for-tinies/
  • Here is a back post on boys and hitting:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/28/boys-under-age-7-and-hitting/
  • What would work best for your family?  Your ideas here:

Biting

Also no one’s favorite.

  • If it is biting at the breast, pull the baby close to you – this will block their nose and make them loosen the biting.  However, GIVE them something they CAN bite on.  A wet washcloth that you threw in the freezer works fine.  Biting is a normal behavior, it is just the object that the child is biting that makes it good or not good, so you don’t want to tell them never to bite!  If they are biting at the breast and it is usually toward the end of a feeding, try to catch them before the end and gently  remove  them from  the breast.
  • If the biting is generally part of just being aggressive, try this outside resource regarding the types of biters and such:   http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/linda_passmark.html
  • Never bite a child for biting!  That does not help.
  • Remain as calm as possible.  It is no fun when your toddler or preschooler bites another child over a toy, and it is not fun when your child is the one who was bit, but these things do happen and one must be calm.
  • If your child is in a biting phase, think carefully about your child’s level of frustration with social outings.  🙂  If you frequently read this blog, you know where I stand on that!  The whole “playdate” thing really should not apply to children under the age of four and a half, but that is just my opinion.  🙂 Take what works for you and your family.

Hope these ideas help your family think of what would work best for you in these situations.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Parenting Burn-Out and Chaos!

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Did you ever feel that homeschooling or even just parenting little ones should be FREEING, in a sense, but that it is not?  I mean, after all, every day COULD be a blank slate of whatever you would like it to be!  How disappointing, then, sometimes, when you realize that you are busier than when you worked outside the home.  When you realize that your schedule is way too full.  How disappointing when you can’t say no to things. How disappointing when your house is always a disorganized mess.  And that knowing that  burn-out is always there in the background (and sometimes in the foreground?) – we won’t even mention that!

If you have ever felt like that, then this post is for you.

First of all, please be easy with yourself.  The mothers I see that are hardest on themselves are the ones with babies ( “I should be doing just what I did before I had a baby!”) or the ones with multiple children under the age of 7.  Be easy!  Your most important job is to take care of them, and also yourself! But part of doing this is developing your own will….read on!

If your children are under the age of 7, in order to take care of yourself, you are going to need to ask for help and  to plan ahead. That is hard for people, but that is the only way it is going to happen.  Ask your spouse for help!  Ask a grandparent!  Ask a friend!  “Honey, could you please take the children to the park for an hour and a half so I can do some homeschool planning for fall?”  “Honey, I know you worked all day and you are tired, but this pile of clean laundry is driving me crazy! Could you please help me put it away?”  “ I really need to get some stress out.  Could you watch the children so I could go walk for half an hour?  I would feel so much better!”

However, in order to ask, you have to know what you need!  And I find many mothers are down so low, they don’t know where to start or what even to ask for help with!  Meditate, make a list – what are three things that would  make your life better right now?  Start there.

I have one for you that probably would make your life better (outside of exercise for yourself!): how about getting rid of STUFF?  It is hard to be restful with too much stuff.  If every room has too much furniture for the size of the space, if every flat surface is covered, if every closet and drawer is bulging, then it is time to start there.  It is hard to pay attention to your children,  to plan for homeschool, to do homeschool, if there is stuff everywhere.  And your children cannot rest in rooms that are overflowing!

But in order to get your own  house in order, you have to be HOME.  What would happen if you took a two week vacation and just said “no” to outside things, and made a huge dent in getting your house in order?  Really go through things and get RID of things. 

What would happen if over the summer you just planned to be home?  What would happen in the fall if you plan to be out one day during the weekdays (this is not including the weekends) and otherwise you were at home?  What would life look like then?  Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, really do need to be home – a walk around the block, playing in the neighborhood, being outside; yes- but really at home! 

Perhaps you can meditate on this and find the middle road, the common ground that really works for you.  Start small if that is where you are, but conversely, don’t be afraid to jump in and make a big change.  Your life, after all, should work for you.  If you are feeling resentful, stressed, not happy – change it, you are in control of at least some of it.  And your own attitude you are fully in control of!

Many blessings,

Carrie