Author Archives: Carrie

Waldorf First Grade At Home

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Teaching a Waldorf-inspired first grade at home is so much fun!  For those of you who are new to Waldorf homeschooling, Waldorf first grade is for children who are close to the age of seven.  This works in conjunction with Steiner’s observations of child development according to seven year cycles, so yes, a six year old is still typically in their second year of kindergarten at a Waldorf school.   Academic work is not directly taught until the first grade.  At home especially, I encourage parents to view first grade as a bridge between the kindergarten years and the other grades to come (more about this in a minute).

The Waldorf grades work in conjunction with “blocks” where subjects are taught daily for a certain length of time – from three weeks to a month, for example.  This is called a “main lesson.”  The children have main lesson books that they draw summaries of their lessons into and try to showcase their best work.  Main lesson work is considered work of the HEAD and typically involves good morning verses (memorized), a seasonal circle time that is very active (also memorized verses and songs and may include playing a recorder or pennywhistle), and then the main lesson on whatever subject the student is learning about.  The teacher memorizes the material presented and the students write summaries in their books, so there really are no textbooks or worksheets involved in this active learning method. 

The Main Lesson has a three part rhythm to it that involves the child using sleep as an aid to learning.  No other method of education uses sleep the way that Waldorf does, as a true help for memorizing and living into subjects.  For example, on Monday, a concept is introduced through a story that may involve puppetry or other props.  Tuesday may then  involve re-visiting the story and something such as art, drama, modeling, going outside to look for something in the story; essentially expounding on some part of the story that has been already been told.  Wednesday then involves a re-visiting of the story with the academic piece drawn into the main lesson book.  Some families, for first grade, do a three day rhythm for Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays and then do wet on wet watercolor painting on Thursdays.  Some families fit in two main stories a week with two three-day rhythms. 

The HEART portion of school may involve foreign language practice, being outside and playing organized games, eurythmy (something special to Waldorf education which has been called “visible speech”), or music.  The HANDS portion of the lesson may come in the afternoon and may include knitting for first graders, wet on wet watercolor painting, drawing, woodworking or other types of handwork.

In our home, I chose to do one block a month for first grade so our outline for main lessons for the year looks like this:  September –Form Drawing based off of Nature Stories, October – Language Arts, letters A-J based off of Fairy Tales, November – Qualities of Numbers block, December – Quantities of Numbers where all four math processes are introduced and a once a week form drawing block, January – another one week form drawing block and A Look at the Four Seasons and the Four Elements, February – Language Arts based off of Fairy Tales, letters K- Q, March- Math Block Number Three, April – Language Arts based off of Fairy Tales, letters R-Z with a review of AEIOU – (vowels are often taught separate from the consonants), May – two  weeks of a Backyard Nature Block with form drawing and two weeks of writing based off the Fairy Tales, one week of review in June and a show of all main lesson book work for family.  Many families also will do form drawing on one day of the week during other blocks of subjects. 

Our daily rhythm looks essentially like this – A walk in the morning through our neighborhood with our dog, morning verses and the lighting of a candle, finger plays and a story for my Kindergartner, circle time and bean bag games and rope jumping rhymes for both children but more geared to my older child, main lesson work for my First Grader.  The HEART portion of our daily rhythm looks like this – Mondays, German tutor comes to our home; Tuesdays, practice Spanish or go hiking with a local group; Wednesday, Spanish tutor comes to our home, Thursdays, practice German; Fridays, special songs for whatever festival is upcoming.  After we have lunch, reading books aloud and quiet time, we have the HANDS portion of our day.  This part of our rhythm looks like this – Mondays, wet on wet watercolor painting; Tuesdays, bread baking and modeling while waiting for bread; Wednesdays, handwork/knitting; Thursdays, gardening or drawing and Fridays, housekeeping.

Many parents consider learning the letters and sounds of the alphabet and perhaps starting to read a very important part of first grade, along with an introduction to the four math processes.  Master Waldorf Teacher Eugene Schwartz (www.millennialchild.com)  contends that the most essential part of first grade is really form drawing and math.  For many reasons, I agree with Mr. Schwartz.

(For those of you who are not familiar with form drawing, form drawing is a way of working with lines and curves that Rudolf Steiner outlined in three of his lectures as a way of working with children of different temperaments (in Waldorf education there are four temperaments identified).  Form drawing is a precursor to handwriting, geometry and also observation of nature for future scientists).

Important and necessary parts of first grade besides the above really do include knitting and other types of handwork, wet on wet watercolor painting and its polar opposite of  modeling, drawing and coloring with block crayons and beginning to learn to play a recorder, pentatonic flute or pennywhistle.  I personally would also include foreign languages as a necessary part of the first grade but we are a very  foreign-language oriented family.  Fairy tales and nature stories are the soul nourishment of this age and it is a beautiful year.

I mentioned at the beginning of this post that first grade can be viewed as a bridge from kindergarten and the other grades.  This means that while first grade is indeed important with lots to learn and do, it also important in the home environment for first grade to be fun, to know when to take the day off and head to the park and to be sure to allow lots of time for free play and outside play along with time for preparation for festivals. In mind’s eye, the child in the early grades is forming association with subjects through experiences.  Everything in first grade should be active, rhythmical, musical, artistic and inter-related.  The Waldorf curriculum keeps building and building and growing more and more in its intensity; there is no reason to make yourself or your child insane with heavy, dull work in the early years!

Having a Waldorf-inspired homeschool means the ability to really create and choose stories that speak to your child’s temperament and experiences, to work indirectly through the curriculum with the things that are challenging to that child, and to be able to provide the child with a lot of time to be outside and dream! Homeschooling is an excellent way for siblings to connect and be together and for families to leave peacefully together. Waldorf within the home is a beautiful sigh of wonder.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

How Much Is Enough?

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I recently heard about a mother who felt resentful about “having” to give up her corporate job in order to stay home full-time with her two small children.  She was giving them “150 percent” of her time and energy, and was contemplating returning to the outside work force full-time.  She characterized her husband as “loving, but uninvolved.”

Hhhhhmmm.

Homemaking and parenting can be rather daunting tasks for many women.  Many mothers transitioning from working outside the home to staying find it difficult because their time, and even their bodies and their personal space, no longer seems to be their own anymore.  It all is shared with their small children.  This is part of the sacrifice of parenting.  Sacrifice is a thing that is not popular among many parents today in general, but necessary.

However, I am certain that devoting “150 percent” of ourselves directly to solely and only our children is not a wise idea.  Much like the child who has everything done for him or her, who is always told what to play and how to play it, who continues to be treated like a 2 year old when they are now 7, this is detrimental.

The idea of a mother giving 150 percent of themselves to her children, at least to me, brings up the notion that they must be hovering, micromanaging, and list-making the daily lives of  her children.  Parenting is different than working outside the home.  We cannot approach our lives and the creation of peace at home the way we approach a meeting in a boardroom. 

A dear friend once pointed out to me that being home is difficult because of lack of immediate gratification.  In other words, a three year old is not going to say to you, “Gee, mom thanks for trying to model how to be a good human being today. I am so glad you showed me how to be calm under stress when I was screaming, I saw how you folded that laundry and will try it soon as well!”  This can be wildly different than working outside the home.  The results of our work as homemakers often cannot be seen for years until our children are out on their own and raising their own families.  Too many times it seems that a parent is looking for that immediate gratification of parenting in seeing immediate results – behavioral or achievement- from their small children.  Children, for lack of a better term or analogy, are a long-term project that does not always require direct hovering, but rather occasional stirring and a presence in the kitchen.

Children have the need for your presence.  It is not okay to take your interests and exclude your children from your totality of life, or to hurt their rhythm and well-being under the guise of your own interests, but everyone certainly needs something that they can call their own.  Many parents work this around their child’s nap or bedtime schedule. It is okay for an older toddler and preschooler to see your interests, and also to see the things you do around the house that does not directly involve them, but that makes your home a wonderful place for all.  Many mothers who love to sew or garden report that this comes out in their children’s play and what they want to try in their free time.  This is healthy and wonderful.

Another healthy and wonderful thing that children also need to see is a mother-father relationship that is intimate, respectful and loving.  Parents who spend time together provide a sense of security and stability so important for the child to see and take into their subconsciousness for their own future relationships.

Many mothers I meet who stay at home do it all.  Their husbands never have the children alone, without the mother, at any time on a consistent basis.  This is a shame and prevents a child from developing a relationship with the father that does not include the mother’s thumbprint.  One mother wailed to me, “Well, he doesn’t do it the way I do it!!”  Um, exactly the point.  A child needs both a mother and father, and thank goodness we are different. 

And this leads to an interesting Other Observation.  What other trusting, caring, loving adults does your child consistently spend time with?  A small child under the age of 7 needs his mother or a loving, kind father to act as a “filter” for the events of daily life.  However, in some cultures it is interesting that it is not just the mother or father acting as a filter but an entire extended family whom the child spends time with daily. 

I had an interesting experience not too long ago.  I have many, many Hispanic friends whom I love.  One of my dear friends was having a birthday party for her little girl who was turning three years old.  Her mother was handling much of the party and I observed several times when her little girl wanted or needed something and was always interested to see that nine times out of ten a close family friend or relative would take care of what the little girl needed or wanted before my friend could even get there.  And nor did she try to get there all the time.  At one point, her little girl fell, and her mother calmly saw that her best friend helped the little girl up, smoothed the little girls’ dress and fixed the little girl’s hair.  My friend went over after all this was done and gave her daughter a hug, but she felt safe in knowing all of the wonderful adults in the room would take care of this small child as if she were their own. These family members and friends were people the child saw on a daily or almost daily basis.  And they did care for this child as if she were their own, and reacted with an almost group consciousness to situations. 

How very different from the American experience were many time a child will only be satisfied in their mother’s lap or arms.  I am not saying this is bad at all, my children have been that way, but it is certainly very different than the “village” mentality taking place across much of the world.  I am in contact with friends from many different Central and South American countries, Iran, Germany, the Netherlands, China, France and several African nations who can attest to this truth!

“But Carrie,” you say.  “I have no one.  My family lives far away, my parents are crazy and I don’t really involve them in my child’s daily life.  See, no one but me.”

I know this is a Waldorf-related blog so we don’t watch any movies at all :), but have you all seen the Ben Stiller movie “Meet the Parents”?  In this movie, there is an entire (very funny) line about “The Circle of Trust”.  So let me borrow that for a moment. Who is in your own Circle of Trust?  Some mothers honestly don’t trust Dads with their small children.  Is that you?  Who is in your child’s Circle of Trust?  Do you have a friend?  A mother whose parenting you admire and could trust?  Could you start by cultivating a close relationship that your child could see and perhaps over time you and your child would come to see this other mother as part of your community?  It just a thought, it takes an effort to find people whom you trust, who parent similar to you and share your values, but it is worth the effort.

A child over the age of 7 still needs you deeply and needs your help in “filtering” situations, especially things above routine and simple.  But your over 7 child, and certainly your child over 9,  needs safe situations with people you love and trust to practice this important life skill – being able to be connected to people outside of you, and to experience that good things happen with caring adults.  Are there elderly neighbors, a teacher of an outside class your child is taking, other mothers,  whom you trust?  We want our children to feel safe in the world and to have them know that other people are good and kind besides just their own immediate family.

Consider how you feel about things such as the loving adult relationships your child has with other family members and friends.  Think about how you feel responsibilities and privileges should change over time for your child within your family.  Think, ponder and meditate on what you “do for” your child every day, and what your child sees you do for the child’s siblings, yourself, your spouse and your home.

Perhaps the mother who is giving “150 percent” to her children would benefit from some inner work focusing not only on the spiritual side of homemaking that maybe remains hidden within her “to-do” list, but also on letting her children soften and relax into being themselves and  what role she and other trusted adults are playing.  Perhaps then, instead of being a resented chore, parenting would become the wonderful part of life it is meant to be, a means for not only raising moral human beings but a tool for self-growth, self-discovery and contentment.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Great Read-Alouds for Waldorf At Home First Grade

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For those of you who have ever looked at a “pre-packaged” curriculum for homeschooling, there is usually a package of read-alouds that correspond to the grade level your child is in.  Waldorf homeschooling automatically  has many stories built into the curriculum, but doesn’t always have an automatic stack of read-alouds to accompany each grade.  There are some books that have suggestions for books though! One wonderful book is entitled, “Waldorf Student Reading List” by Pamela Johnson Fenner and Karen L Rivers.  Donna Simmons also has suggestions for read-alouds within her “Living Language” book, available through her website at www.christopherushomeschool.org.

From a Waldorf perspective, the most important thing to remember when choosing books and stories for the child under 9 is that the child is still one with the world and all things in it. Therefore, most appropriate are not the books and stories where one empathetically identifies with the protagonist, but ones where the archetypal images still prevail. 

Therefore, fairy tales are a wonderful basis for read-alouds. Here is a list of read-alouds we have enjoyed so far this school year or are planning on reading this year:

Grimms’ Fairy Tales

Russian Fairy Tales – we used a copy from Dover Books

Japanese Fairy Tales – we used a copy from Dover Books

All of the books by Virginia Haviland “Favorite Fairy Tales Told in (Poland, Russia, Norway, etc)”  There are quite a few of them and you can find them quite cheaply used on Amazon or possibly at your local library.

Andrew Lang’s “The Red Fairy Book” – most of the tales seem about right, some of the books in these series are best left until your child is much older!

The Junior Classics Volume One “Fairy Tales and Fables”, published in 1938 – we have read the fairy tales and are saving the fables for next year.  This volume really has especially wonderful tales from Czechoslovakia that we adore.

Isabel Wyatt’s The Seven Year Old Wonder Book – always nice to read leading up to your child’s seventh birthday, a Waldorf tradition

The Tiptoes Lightly series by Reg Down

Any and all Elsa Beskow books (picture books)

Any and all Jack Prelutsky books (poetry)

The Book of Fairy Poetry by Michael Hague (poetry)

Here are some that don’t especially fit the fairy tale mode but your child may enjoy, depending on their attention span:

Any and all of Edward Ardizzone’s Little Tim series – picture books, rather droll, where Tim goes out to sea on many adventures and everything works out well in the end.  Pre-read for sensitive readers because there are bad guys, shipwrecks, etc.  Boys especially may like these, but my girls like them as well.

Twig and Big Susan, both by Elizabeth Orton Jones

The Racketty Packetty House

And all Thornton Burgess books, although some parents leave these till second grade.

The Paddington Series of books by Michael Bond

Mr. Popper’s Penguins by R. and F. Atwater

Winnie the Pooh and other works by AA Milne

Okay, and three where you will identify with the protagonist, so not the Waldorf ideal per se,  but still lovable –

B is for Betsy by Carolyn Haywood, published in 1940.  Betsy goes to the first grade – innocent, sweet and for the adults, totally points out what is wrong with First Grade today (uh, did that political commentary slip out??!!)

Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder – save the other ones in the series till later.

and somehow my eldest found the hardback classic Heidi amongst my things so we read it last year in early December and we will read it this year as well.  Not really appropriate for a first grader, but it really speaks to my little girl.  Heidi does show an ideal rhythm though, doesn’t it?  Fresh air, goat-herding, delayed academics …..heeheeheehee. 🙂

There are other favorites I could go on about from Kindergarten, but those are probably best saved till another post.  🙂

Two  last thoughts:  Please tell stories before bedtime, don’t read!  We started with reading and I have found it so difficult to get my kids to accept storytelling in place of reading.  Start early with your storytelling, it will serve you and your children well.  Many families do reading after lunch before quiet time and tell stories before bedtime.  The best stories you tell are the ones you make up yourself!!

The second thought is this: for voracious readers, like my eldest, do not feel you have to get them new reading material all the time.  We re-read, and re-read and re-read.  First grade (and Kindergarten) should still be about being in the body.  Reading books and having to have a new book all the time can be a form of stimulation just like wanting constant entertainment, so if your little one wants to sit and read or thumb through books for hours on end, consider your rhythm and what times of the day reading is okay.

I feel another post coming on…..

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Wonderful Waldorf

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People who know my husband and I in “real life” were somewhat surprised to hear we had chosen a Waldorf-inspired path for the home education of our two children.  Most people who know a little about Waldorf say, “Isn’t that the method where children do not learn to read until they are nine?”  Other parents we knew who had actually visited a Waldorf school usually only visited a Waldorf Kindergarten, and  the “pink bubble” of the Kindergarten did not impress them as setting the stage for an academically rigorous education.  These are a few of the common but pervasive myths surrounding Waldorf education that I would like to bust today in this post.

I would like to list for you all the 10 most wonderful things I have found about Waldorf education, why I consider it the best way to educate a child, and why you truly should consider it for your own family.

1.  No other curriculum I have found takes on the task of educating the entire child – body, mind, soul and spirit – and also takes into account what the adult who went through this kind of  educational process will be like as a result.  In Waldorf Education, what kind of adult the child will be in thirty or forty years really matters.  The health of the child and the future adult the child will become is of utmost importance.

The “con” to this is that Rudolf Steiner based this upon his way of seeing the child, which may or may not be in agreement with your religious or spiritual views.  Some people would say they cannot work with Waldorf at all because the curriculum is based upon that.  I feel the curriculum is well coordinated with Piaget, Gesell and often does things that are done in European education, irrespective of Steiner’s spiritual base.  I leave that to you to decide and wade through.

2.  Waldorf education respects the stages of childhood development.  This is why formal academics are delayed until the first grade, why a nine year old in the third grade studies house building and farming, why a fifth grader studies the Greeks and Ancient History.  I appreciate the fact that nothing is random within the curriculum, and that the curriculum is built upon what will feed the child’s soul at each and every age.

3.  I am glad to see a high emphasis placed upon the arts and teaching through the arts throughout the grades.  This resonates within me that we as human beings should be close to the wonderful and beautiful things that we can create – art, music, handwork.

4.  Waldorf is one of the only methods I know that looks at what Steiner termed “soul economy.”  Steiner’s thought was this, as written in the lecture “The Waldorf School“ in the lectures compiled in Soul Economy:  “The aim of Waldorf education is to arrange all of the teaching so that in the shortest possible time the maximum amount of material can be  presented to students by the simplest means possible.”  He goes on to say:  “This helps children retain an overall view of their subjects – not so much intellectually, but very much in their feeling life.”  Some may read this last statement as evidence that Steiner did not mean for Waldorf education to be academically rigorous.  I view this as evidence that Waldorf education is more than just the rampant “Factoid-ization” that is occurring within our educational system today and causing the United States to be behind in nearly all educational standards by the time our children graduate from high school.  Memorizing facts does not equate to knowledge and the ability to problem –solve.  Waldorf education does require a lot of memorization – verses, songs, rhymes, multiplication tables, addition tables, scientific facts – but it also looks at the memorization of these facts within a bigger picture of understanding and knowledge.

5.  The beauty of music resonates throughout the kindergarten years with the pentatonic scales and rich singing through the use of a blowing instrument in the early grades leading up to use of a stringed instrument in the third grade and going through a History of Music in high school.  Music has important ties to math and should hold a high place within educational standards.

6.  The way Waldorf education approaches reading makes perfect sense to me.  Oral storytelling, verses and singing within the Kindergarten years provide that deep, rich basis for language.  Waiting until a child is likely to have the attention, handwriting skills and visual tracking abilities to successfully  read also makes perfect sense.  In Waldorf schools, children learn to read by reading what they themselves have written and drawn in a main lesson book.  Waldorf education traces the letters through how people long ago may have started to devise symbols for things and how that translates into the alphabet.  The pictures of stories of the letters really stick in the children’s minds, as opposed to them just trying to remember which way a “g” goes and how is that different than a “j”? 

There probably are always children within a Waldorf Kindergarten who have taught themselves to read, and that is fine and much different than having phonics lessons shoved down your child’s throat.  Many of the children who have taught themselves to read literally go from reading nothing to being able to read whatever they want.  It is innate and inborn, and guess what?  They still enjoy hearing the stories of the letters in first grade just as much as the other children!  Waldorf education focuses on not just the academic education needed for life, but the stories that build a child’s soul for where they are.  First Grade is still just the bridge between Kindergarten and the more rigorous work to come.

7.  Waldorf’s approach to science focuses on moving from whole to parts and involves more than giving a child a hypothesis to prove with an experiment.  For more information regarding the Gothean approach to science that Waldorf utilizes, please see the following website:  www.natureinstitute.org

8.  Throughout all of the school years, Waldorf education places utmost importance upon the child developing into a moral human.  In this day and age, how can anything be more important than that?  This is to me what schools try to approach through “character development” classes but far misses the mark compared to the beauty and morality that rings throughout all of Waldorf education in EVERY subject – including math and science! 

9.  Waldorf education takes the tiny, delicate wings of a child’s imagination and makes them fly and soar like an eagle.  The world our children will inherit will be even more fast-paced than today most likely.  The adults who will succeed in this world will be the ones who will be imaginative, creative, out-of the box problem solvers.  Will your child be one of those adults?

10.  Waldorf education, through the use of its shared values, celebration of festivals and rites of passage within the curriculum, promotes a wonderful and close knit community that families are glad and proud to be a part of!

If you would like more information regarding Waldorf Education, please visit one of the following websites:

For use of Waldorf within the home environment, please see the following:

David Darcy:  www.ddarcy.com

Barbara Dewey:  www.waldorfwithoutwalls.com

Marsha Johnson’s Yahoo! Group

Melisa Nielsen’s website (she is also a reader of this blog!) (she also has a Yahoo! Group):  http://www.alittlegardenflower.com/

Eugene Schwartz:  www.millennialchild.org

Christopherus:  www.christopherushomeschool.org

For general information regarding Waldorf, please see the following:

http://www.whywaldorfworks.org/

http://www.waldorfearlychildhood.org/

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

For All The Jellyfish In The Sea

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I recently had several “self-confessed jellyfish”  mommies contact me.  They had read my post entitled, “Developing Healthy Boundaries,” but still were unsure about what they should really enforce in their homes as “none of it seems worth fighting over.”

I am not advocating fighting with your child.  If you approach a child that way, even just in your head before you open your mouth, the whole exchange between the two of you is lost.  I am saying, however, that your child  does deserve the dignity and respect that a peaceful home and good behavior provides.  You are worthy of a child who eventually embodies self-discipline, self-motivation and self-responsibility. Your family is worthy of  having a clean, peaceful home to live in.

My suggestion for “things worth quibbling over” would include the following:

Having the child respect himself, others and the Earth with his or her body and words.  Everyone deserves to be safe. 

Keeping the home environment picked up and clean within the child’s ability and with the parent’s help.

Everyone should have the right and ability to rest when they need.  Quiet time and the need for quiet activity should not be a dirty word within the home.

Manners that will serve your child well throughout his or her life are worth demonstrating and working on.  Good manners include such things as how we speak to others, table manners, how we act in different environments outside of our home with other people, even the importance of being on time in our culture.

Some people write a family mission statement to try to embody the things that are most important to them.  This may be helpful to you.  Remember though, with small children under the age of 7, we mainly show these things through modeling and physically helping the child.  This will mean infinitely more than a bunch of  head-oriented, verbal demands.  Please see the post entitled, “Take My Three Day Challenge.”   We command by using our Authentic Leadership, we do not work with our children by verbally wearing them out!

These are just beginning thoughts and I would love to hear from all of the wonderful mothers out there:  What is vitally and essentially important for my little jellyfish of the sea to think about in their homes?

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Take My Three Day Challenge

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For those of you with children under the age of 7, have you ever thought how many times a day you are giving a directive to your child?  Even if it is a positively phrased directive, it is still a directive that causes a child to go up into his head and awakens the child into self-awareness.  Parents and teachers who understand child development from a Waldorf perspective believe that every time we bring a child into self-awareness and into the consciousness of before the seventh year, we are taking away energy that the child should be using for formation of the physical organs.  The belief is that this may not show up as harmful in the child’s life until they are adults.  Even if you do not believe this, I think we can all agree that in this fast-paced world, the stress and strain and viewing the small child as a miniature adult with just less experience is leading to incredible challenges of increased suicide rates and pyschological disorders in the teenaged years and beyond.  Think about how we parent and why we parent is really important!

Parenting is all about looking at the  doing the right thing at the right time within child development.  If you are providing lots of verbal directives to your small child, you are putting the cart before the horse by using a tool that is not really needed until later developmental stages. 

“But what do I use then?”  you cry. “Children need direct instruction!”

Rudolf Steiner did not think so. He wrote in his lecture, “Children Before the Seventh Year,” found in the book Soul Economy, the following passage about the first two and a half years:

“During the first two and a half years, children have a similar rapport with the mother or with others they are closely connected with as long as their attitude and conduct make this possible.  Then children become perfect mimics and imitators.  This imposes a moral duty on adults to be worthy of such imitation, which is far less comfortable then exerting one’s will on children.”

He then goes on to describe the period of the ages from two and a half through age five as one that “can be recognized externally by the emergence of an exceptionally vivid memory and wonderful imagination.  However, you must take great care when children develop these two faculties, since they are instrumental in building the soul.  Children continue to live by imitation, and therefore we should not attempt to make them remember things we choose.”

He ends with a few thoughts about the period from age five to age seven:

“Previously, unable to understand what they should or should not do, they could only imitate, but now, little by little, they begin to listen to and believe what adults say.  Only toward the fifth year is it possible to awaken a sense of right and wrong in children.  We can educate children correctly only by realizing that, during this first seven year period until the change of teeth, children live by imitation, and only gradually do they develop imagination and memory and a first belief in what adults say.”

So, if any of that resonates with you, come along with me and take my three day challenge.  For three days, try to bring a consciousness to the words you choose with your children.  How much chit chat do you do all day with your children?  Can you replace that with peaceful  humming or singing? 

How many directives do you give that could be either carried by your rhythm, done with no words at all (for example, instead of saying, “Now let’s brush our teeth!” could you just hand Little Johnny his toothbrush?) or could your words be phrased in a way that involves fantasy or movement?  For example, if you need your child to sit down at the table to eat, you could ask your baby bird to fly over to the table and sit in its nest.  “Mama Bird has food for you!”  Could you redirect your child into some sort of movement that involves their imagination that would satisfy the need for peace in your home?

Music through singing and the poetry of verses are wonderful ways to provide transitions throughout the day along with the strength of your rhythm.  Many of the old Mother Goose rhymes are fabulous for all parts of the daily routine.  Songs provide a peaceful energy and a needed source of warmth for the young child’s soul.

A mother asked, “What do I do if my child is doing something harmful to me or to another child? Don’t I need to use direct words then?”

I believe this depends on the age and temperament of the child.  As mentioned in other posts, many times the most effective method is to be able to physically move the child away from the situation or to physically follow through in a calm way.  You would never expect your words to be enough in a highly charged emotional situation for a child under 7.  A Complete and Unabridged Lecture on the Harms of Hurting Others is often not what is needed in the moment.

Perhaps in this case, helping the child to make amends after the emotions of the situation have decreased would be a most powerful means to redemption.  When we make a mistake, even an accidental mistake, we strive to make it right.  An excellent lesson for us all, no matter what our age.  We do not let this behavior slide, but we do work toward setting it all right again.

“What about giving my child a warning that an activity will change?  Don’t I need words then?”

If you are at home, your rhythm should carry many of the words you would otherwise use.  There may be older children of five or six that appreciate a warning, again dependent upon their temperament, and there may be some children that think they need to know everything that happens in advance but in reality it only makes them anxious and they talk of nothing else. 

These are all important questions, and perhaps this three day challenge will assist you in sorting out the answers for you and your family as you strive toward a more peaceful home.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

They Come With Their Own Ideas

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This was a fairly hilarious exchange between my first grader and I yesterday (see if you don’t get a chuckle out of it at least!)

Daughter:  “When I grow up, I want to draw, paint, write books and be an illustrator and paint big pictures on walls – what’s that called, Mommy?”

Me: “Painting murals.”

Daughter: “Yes, that’s it.  I had an idea for this picture I could paint over our fireplace and it would perfectly coordinate and everything.”

Me:  “That would be nice.”

Daughter: “Yes, and when I grow up I am not going to college.  I am going to Italy!”

Me (searching my mind wildly, I swear I have not heard this one before): “Italy?  Why Italy?”

Daughter:  “Italy is where Leonardo DaVinci painted.  I read about that.  I am going to go there and paint.  What language do they speak in Italy, momma?”

Me:  “Italian, boo-boo.”

Daughter: “Okay, I need a tutor so I can start learning Italian!”

Okay, kiddo, guess that will be your next language to learn….The ideas they have, and the plans!  Gotta love it!

More About Fostering Creative Play

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“I could go out in the yard and entertain myself for hours when I was a child!  With one stick!  With half a stick!”  you exclaim. “Yet, my child can’t entertain themselves for five minutes!”

Many parents feel this way and wonder what they are doing wrong, or what they can do to foster more imaginative, independent play.  There are several things to think about regarding the child under 7 and play.  To me, the child under age 7 is an imitative creature:  therefore,  it makes perfect sense  that a child under 7 is not developmentally ready to go off and initiate play for hours on end. 

However, there are several things you can do to help the process.

The first step is to consider that a child needs a play environment as discussed in the previous post, “Fostering Creative Play.”  Most of all, think about seriously streamlining the amount of toys available to your child at one time, make sure there are places and spaces for the toys to be placed neatly, and do make sure there are small places where like items can be grouped together for play.

The second step is to provide your child with something worthy to imitate.  Your child under the age of 5 is probably not going to follow you around the house peacefully while you “get your work done”, at least at first.   Being child-inclusive but not child-centered does not mean that you never play with your child, nor does it mean you never help your child get started with play.

With small children, you may only get fifteen minutes of work done at a time.  You  may, without any words, then be able to take down something for your child  to play with and start the play off and  then wander back to your work.  I say without any words because the moment you say, “Let’s play with the wooden kitchen now..” they will screech, “Nooooo!  I don’t want to play that!”  However, if you get engrossed in playing or setting something up  without words, they will watch you and start to do what you do.  Imitation at its finest.

One thing to consider is that in the decades before families had two cars, most mothers were home all day with their children – they had no car to go anywhere else!  There were tasks to be completed around the home and the children were there to see this.  Some families carry this tradition on today, and work hard at staying home and providing their children with real work.  For example, you could wash on Mondays and let your child help wash toys in the playroom or the linens from his room.  He could help fold napkins or washcloths from the laundry or hang things out on a small line to dry.  On Tuesdays, if you bake bread , your small child could help you put the ingredients in the bowl, assist with the mixing and the kneading and later with the shaping of the bread (and the eating, of course).  Cleaning up the kitchen could also be a part of this day while the bread is rising.  If you do handwork on Wednesdays, your child could also have a small basket with scraps of felt or yarn.  An older kindergartner could learn to finger knit.  Some families garden every day or at least once a week; small children can help plant or pick produce or pull weeds in between their investigations for bugs.  Fridays in many families is housekeeping day.  On this day, your small child could help polish wooden toys or help you clean.  Every family has a rhythm to the week that is unique to them and to their children; the above are just random examples for you to think about.  These everyday, mundane kinds of tasks come out in their play. Baking day can turn into the play of  cutting out homemade dough shapes to “cook” on a red play silk, for example.

The third step is to carefully and mindfully consider the amount of screen time your small child is viewing.  Many parents find that the problem with TV is that there are things that their children are not doing by watching TV.  In the book “Alternatives to TV Handbook” by Marie McClendon, she states, “Children now play about 2 hours less a day on average than they did 10 years ago.  Yet those who play more have richer vocabularies, better problem-solving skills, more curiosity, higher intelligence, longer attention spans and better abilities to see the perspectives of others.”  Regardless of what the content of the TV show is, the images are re-drawn or scanned about 60 times a second.  TV-induced alpha brain waves are considered by researchers as a non-learning mode of brain behavior.  If your child is showing such behaviors as poor school performance, poor attention span, lack of imaginative play and spontaneous play, aggressively talking back to adults, hitting or pushing other children or frequent nightmares, please consider the amount of media your child is watching.  

The fourth step is to consider the amount of time you spend outside every day; this is vitally important in your child’s creative play.  If you are outside, nature will provide the backdrop for the child’s indoor play.  Whether this is in the simple worms and pillbugs your child delights in, providing food for the birds, picking flowers or produce out of the garden, it will all show up in your child’s play and the songs they make up to sing.  I know families with three and four year olds who spend the vast majority of their day outside.

The fifth point to consider the overall rhythm to your day – it should not be just “play all day” for your child.  We have discussed involving your child in your work.  However, the rhythm to all of this is quite important as there should be times for in-breath and out-breath, times of expansive physical movement and play grounded with time for quietly listening to a story that mother is telling or for rest.  An example rhythm for small children under the age of 7  may be a period of playing outside, snack,  work focus for the day, lunch, quiet time/down time, storytelling , perhaps something involving art either inspired by the story or some sort of seasonally– based art, snack again, free play or outside play again, dinner preparation and dinner and then a bedtime routine.  Every family’s daily rhythm looks different, but if you take the time to meditate on it and think and yes, even plan, you may come up with a wonderful, peaceful day that enhances the quality of life for every member of the family.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Top 10 Must Have Tools for Gentle Discipline

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So, we arrive at the point where we must think about the gentle discipline tools we have in our toolbox to replace physical punishment, yelling, nagging.  This post is especially applicable to those families with small children under the age of 7, although many of these techniques will work with school-aged children as well.   A brief note before we get to our Top 10, though.

Barbara Patterson and Pamela Bradley say in their book, “Beyond the Rainbow Bridge – Nurturing Our Children from Birth to Seven” this:

“In The Kingdom of Childhood, Rudolf Steiner says that the child in the first seven years is really an eye. If someone has fits of temper and becomes furiously angry either with the child or in the presence of the child, the child will have the picture of this outburst throughout his entire being.   ….Everything we do in the presence of the child goes in deeply.  Scolding, threats, and yelling do not help in disciplining young children.  This approach may actually weaken their ability to deal with situations later in life.”

So the first thing to remember is that we always guide the under-7 child with the principle of imitation.

Imitation – Rahima Baldwin Dancy says this in her book, “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher”:  “If you want to teach a certain behavior to your child, one of the best ways is to actually do it in front of (or with) him.  This demands that we as adults get up and actually do something, rather than giving the child orders or directions.”

This idea of imitation is so important, it doesn’t even get a number!  It is the basis for so many things in life with a small child.  A small child will imitate in their play the exact way you do things down to how you throw a cleaning rag in the sink, how you roll your eyes when you are upset, and everything and anything else.  So, when you see a behavior, look first to yourself

So, without much further ado, let’s look at some other tools you can pull out in the moment:

1. Humor – Lots of parents take parenting very seriously.  But please don’t take every word that comes out of your small child ‘s mouth so seriously and feel whatever they say is in deep need of serious explanation and weight. 

Here is an example of a “loaded statement” a child may make.  I had a friend recently ask me about her three-year-old saying “I hate you!” when the child was upset.  Fun?  No, but I would give it about as much weight as a three-year-old telling me they can ride their tricycle over hills in the Land of the Giants.  A three-year-old simply does not understand the depth and weight of that statement, and to imply that the child does is not in accordance with their developmental stage or maturity level.  They are mad; but don’t digress from the original situation and get sidetracked!

I think for children of all ages, a better tact to try sometimes, particularly with children under the age of 12, is humor.  I have a wonderful friend whose parenting I really admire, and humor is her number one tool.  I so enjoy watching it at work.  One day her daughter was in the backseat of their car with some other children,  just playing,  when suddenly she looked  like she lost her balance and sort of fell into the corner of a book.  She was holding her eye and getting upset.  There was no blood, no visible bruising, the eye was not teary or red…….

Daughter:  “Mom, someone hit my eye with their foot!”

Mom:  “I thought it looked like you fell a little into that book.”

Daughter:  “No, no, it was a foot!  It was someone’s foot!” (wailing, gnashing of teeth)

Mom:”Hmmm…..Oh well, in that case – Was it a stinky foot?  Does your eye smell?”

(Little brother is now giggling).  Daughter, still teary:  “I don’t know if it was stinky or not. I didn’t get a chance to smell it.”  (Little brother and adults now laughing).

Mom, grabbing daughter for a hug:  “A stinky foot might cause a stinky eye, let’s see!  Um, yup, definitely stinky!”

This could have gone another way – complete escalation as all the adults were certain it was a book corner in the eye, the daughter was sure it was a foot in the eye (like it matters, still hurts!),  it could have deteriorated into reasoning (well, it couldn’t have been a foot as no one was near you at the time), or just being overly serious and pulling out ice packs and lots of concern (remember, there was no blood, or redness) or it could have turned into a small Treatise On The Danger Of Playing in Close Quarters with Others.

Think about humor, think about not taking it all quite so seriously.  There are many situations where humor can save the day.  Humor helps de-escalate things and also models for your child a positive way to look at the sunny side of things and a way to deal with a stressful or frustrating situation.

Many parents say, Save your big reactions for the big things in life! I agree, but in order to do this, you must know what is BIG in your family and to you.  Think about the developmental stages and what fits where and decide what is BIG….Go back and re-read the post on “Big Tools for the Big Picture of Positive Discipline.”

2.  Distraction – this is a viable tool for all children under 7, and even children that are 7 or 8  can still be fairly distractible.  However, this takes creativity in the heat of the moment to think of an appropriate distraction.  Distraction is not a bribe; it is a way to change to scene to your advantage.

Distraction can also show itself by changing the environment.  Some children just need to be outside when they are upset!

3.  Hugs and kisses and being held – solves lots of things without a lot of words. Sometimes you do not need to say much of anything to your child; just holding them lets them know you are there for them.

4. Pictorial imagery –  This is a Waldorf tool that is very useful with small children.  Instead of pulling children into their heads and into a thought-decision kind of process, try using phrases that paint a picture instead.  This can be anything from “Turn that siren down!” for a noisy little one or “Hop like a bunny over here for some food.”  You are re-directing behavior into something more positive through the images that arise from these types of phrases.  For those interested in more about pictorial imagery, please do see Donna Simmons’ bookstore and look under her audio downloads for her CD entitled, “Talking Pictorially” at www.christopherushomeschool.org. 

5. Use of the word “may”  – as in, “Little Johnny, you may bring your plate to the counter for me.  Thank you!”  Be sincere, and this word works well as you set the tone for your own home.

6. Limited choices, less words or no words at all – Sometimes just a look suffices more than a hundred words.  Try just helping your child get into their coat while you sing a song that you usually sing when you go outside.  Try just handing your child their toothbrush after their bath instead of a whole book about the necessity of dental hygiene.  This idea leads to…

7.  Time-in.  According to Alfie Kohn, author of Unconditional Parenting,

“Sometimes parents are advised to use a time-out instead of spanking their kids – as though these were the only two options available. The reality, as we’ve seen, is that both of these tactics are punitive. They differ only with respect to whether children will be made to suffer by physical or emotional means. If we were forced to choose one over the other, then, sure time-outs are preferable to spankings. For that matter, spanking kids is preferable to shooting them, but that’s not much of an argument for spanking.”  -Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting, page 65-66.

“Time-out is actually an abbreviation for time out from positive reinforcement. The practice was developed almost half a century ago as a way of training laboratory animals….When you send a child away, what’s really being switched off or withdrawn is your presence, your attention, your love. You may not have thought of it that way.” -Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting, page 26-27.

So, consider the value of time-in instead.  Some families have a place where adults and children can sit together until they all calm down, some mothers just have their child sit near them while they do some sort of rhythmical work.

8.  Ignoring –yup, you heard me right.  The Gesell Institute books routinely recommend turning a blind eye to some of your child’s behaviors if it is not hurting others or themselves (or just driving you plain crazy!).  There are times to draw a line in the sand, but if you nit-pick every behavior, you are on the verge of demanding, and not commanding as an Authentic Leader.

9.  Physical follow-through – If you say something to a small child, you should expect to have to physically  help them follow through.  You should expect to have to physically hold an upset child if they need it.  The physicality of life with a small child is always there – hugs, kisses, a lap to sit on and help to do things as needed.  The child’s respect and dignity always needs to be respected, so you need to be calm when you are following through, but please remember a young child under 7 is probably not going to function well on verbal directives alone.

Rahima Baldwin Dancy states in her book, “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher”:  “It isn’t until elementary-school age that a child is ready to respond consistently to authority that is expressed only through the spoken word without being accompanied by actions. With the preschool age child, you need to correct and demonstrate again and again, but you can’t expect children to remember it.  Their memories simply aren’t that mature yet.”

10.  FREEZE!  One of the best tools in parenting is learning to take that quick pause in your mind’s eye and ask yourself if what you are about to do is going to help your child be the adult they were meant to be; is it going to escalate or de-escalate the situation, is it going to teach your child something or is it just a moment of anger for you that will pass?

This series of posts about being an Authentic Leader has been great fun for me to write.  I would love to hear from all of you what situations you could use help with in being an Authentic Leader in your own home; please leave it in the comment section and I would love to address it in a future blog posting!

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Big Tools for the Big Picture of Gentle Discipline

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In the past few posts, we have looked at providing discipline to our children within the context of being an Authentic Leader.  Part of being the leader of your home is that you have a vision in mind for the future and also that you have a vision in mind for what is happening right here, today, within your own home.

Here are some ways to invoke the big picture of guiding your children’s behavior within your home:

First and foremost, you must start with yourself.  There was recently an article in my local newspaper regarding Alcoholics Anonymous and other support groups for alcoholics.  A mother wrote in and said that she had been sober and attending AA meetings for 22 years.  She started attending Al-non as well and stated, “I was dating a crack addict.  It was the most insane things I could do.  I knew I loved alcoholics; that’s the gist of it.  They’re fabulous people, exciting.  In Al-non, you learn to focus on yourself because your part is the only thing you have control over……I have the freedom to do anything I want to do, to be anything I want to be…….”

Most of us have not had this extreme of an epiphany, but I am asking you today, right now, to consider what kind of parent would you like to be to your child and what is holding you back? 

Vimala McClure, in  her book “The Path of Parenting” writes,”We all have  the power to change the scripts we have been given, to alter them so they accurately reflect our values and the timeless principles we decide to  consciously embrace.”

In order to do this, we have to make conscious choices about what we believe and how we live.  Many mothers do this through some form of inner work.  How you do your own inner work is up to you….Some mothers work through prayer, meditation, drumming, reading books of a spiritual or self-help nature, walking meditation, study circles, tai chi, yoga, journaling or the use of exercises created by Rudolf Steiner and laid out in his book,

If you don’t know where to begin, start thinking about some of the very necessary qualities for parenting. This might include working on patience, gentleness, self-discipline, compassion, your flexibility in situations, your ability to stay in the present with your children. 

Work on framing things in a positive way.  I see mothers every day who say they love mothering, love being home, but yet complain quite a bit.  When you were out in the work day, was every day a fabulous day?  Every day may  not be a fabulous day at home unless you frame it that way.  When you are a mother of small children, you start out measuring the days of your toddler and preschooler by how THEY acted that day; start measuring your day by how YOU acted that day.  If you kept your cool no matter what your child was doing, then it was a great day!  Start with you!

Second, you must begin to look at the spiritual reasons behind being a wife, a mother and a homemaker.  Many mothers never look at this and wonder why they do not feel fulfilled within the home environment.  I highly suggest the book, “The Spiritual Tasks of the Homemaker” by Manfred Schmidt-Brabant in order to stimulate some questions for you to ponder and meditate on.  This is available through the Rudolf Steiner College Bookstore or through Bob and Nancy’s Bookshop, www.waldorfbooks.com.  If you come to the belief that you were called to the role of being a wife and mother, that creating peace in your home is the best and most wonderful way you can make this world a better place, then you will see the things you need to do to care for your home and your children in a different light.

Be committed to making your home a peaceful place – this may involve being the calm one when your spouse or your kids are not feeling calm, it may involve compromise.  It can be hard work, be committed to it!

Third, create a peaceful atmosphere within your home by creating a physical environment of  beauty. People new to Waldorf in particular worry about their lack of wooden toys and play silks for their children, but that is not really what Waldorf is all about.  Waldorf is about creating a place of beauty within your home in simplicity.  This may involve seriously less stuff than what you have now.  It may also involve organizing things and implementing a daily and weekly cleaning regime.  There are many resources to assist with this, my personal favorite is www.flylady.net.  There are also many books on the market detailing weekly, monthly, seasonal and yearly cleaning agendas.

Fourth, you must develop a rhythm.  A yearly, weekly and daily rhythm. Schmidt-Brabant writes in “The Spiritual Tasks of the Homemaker”, “Rhythm is strength.  And strength arises where time and life are formed  rhythmically….Life is tension.  Tension arises through contrasting elements. If we succeed in moving rhythmically within this tension, then strength will arise.”

A rhythm is meant to give you stability so you and your child know what is coming next.  Future posts will look more carefully at the way to craft a rhythm and make it work for you and your family.

Fifth, you must learn to understand childhood development.  Many folks like the Gesell Institute Series Your One Year Old, Your Two Year Old, etc.  These titles are slightly outdated in many of its references as it was written in the 1960’s but the portions regarding childhood development are spot on and helpful.  From a more anthroposophical point of view, you may want to try some of these books: You Are Your Child’s First Teacher by Rahima Baldwin Dancy, Beyond the Rainbow Bridge by Barbara Patterson, or Lifeways: Working With Family Questions by Gudrun Davy and Bons Voors.  Other excellent places to look when you are ready include Rudolf Steiner’s The Kingdom of Childhood, The Education of the Child, and the wonderful Soul Economy (my personal favorite).   These books look at the overall picture of the small child and the role of the homemaker. 

Being with a small child all day requires an integration of developing inner fortitude, a rhythm to help carry you and your child, an understanding of child development and being able to shape and guide your child’s behavior through gentle tools. For a small child under the age of 7 or 8, these tools would include the ability to make the environment one the child can be in without so many “no’s”, the ability to have a good sense of humor and creativity in response to typical childhood situations; these tools do not involve reasoning with a small child or physical punishment.  More about these tools in the next post!

The five concepts mentioned about are for the big picture to help you be an Authentic Leader within your own home.  The next post will take a peek at what to do when you feel close to losing it with your child and some techniques you can pull out at the drop of a hat to make life more beautiful for everyone in the house.