http://astorytellingofcrows.blogspot.com/2009/12/santa-lucia-saint-lucy-song.html
Thank you so much for this song! And what a great doll!
Carrie
Just In Time for Santa Lucia Day! A Song!
3
Author Archives: Carrie
Cultivating “No Comment”: The Inner Work of Advent
Yesterday as we were driving home from our farm pick-up, I was aware of my almost five year old’s running commentary on life. She was tired, and definitely gets “more chatty” the more tired she becomes. “Mommy, I want to have a sleepover with Timmy. Older Sister could come and sleep with Timmy’s older sister and I could sleep in Timmy’s bed. I wouldn’t be afraid…” “I am so hungry, I am starving!” “I am bored!” “It’s cold outside but I am not wearing my hat! My hat itches!” Chatter, chatter, chatter, complain, complain, complain.
How often do we feel the need to jump in to a tired, whiny, four or five year old’s world and talk them to death about it? How often do we jump in and negate her feelings? I could have said, “You are too young to go have a sleepover away from us.” “If you had eaten your lunch, you wouldn’t have been so hungry now.” “Your hat is fine, it fits you perfectly!”
Why?
What does a tired, hungry, whiny child need? No comment! Especially no comment on future plans that are not even in the works with all the reasoning about said future event. Stop talking! A smile, some distraction with singing, a reassurance that “we will be home soon” is all that is needed.
A tired, hungry child needs their basic needs for food,rest and connection met. If they cannot rest at that time (ie, it is dinner time and they need to stay up a bit longer and cannot nap now), how about some soothing repetitive physical activity? Pouring water, a bath, winding yarn, carding wool are all good choices.
Donna Simmons of Christopherus takes this approach with little children who are “chatterers” here: http://christopherushomeschool.typepad.com/blog/2005/12/litle_ones_who_.html
Make it your work this Advent season to have “no comment” unless it is essential. And this is morphing from children into Grown-Up Land, but please consider making it your work this Advent season to listen more than you talk, and to gather information before you blurt out a conclusion or advice. Remember what people want most when they talk to you is often just what a child wants – a warm smile, a hug, a bit of understanding. Sometimes the journey is long and rough, and ultimately one experienced within that individual’s soul.
Many blessings,
Carrie
My Plan for Personal Development As A Homemaker
My own plan for developing myself as a homemaker includes an inner and outer core. Let me explain further, and maybe this will inspire you to come up with your own plan.
In Waldorf education, we look at the soul development of the child and what the child needs according to seven-year cycles. Here are some thoughts for the first three seven-year cycles:
Ages Birth- Age 7: Gratitude; Goodness, Imitation (the notion of the child as one large unfiltered sense organ taking all impressions in); Rhythm and Balance; Movement and Play
Ages 7-14: Love; Beauty; love for natural authority for elders; Imagination; Feelings; Art
Ages 14-21: Duty; Truth; Intellectual Work; Idealism
So, with keeping that in mind, then I look at what I personally need to develop or work on according to the stages of my children and also my own goals for my own inner work. For simplicity’s sake, I develop this into two categories: an inner and our core, but you could divide it however you would like! And yes, most of the things of the outer core absolutely do nourish the inner soul, but the outer core things I think of as more the “doing” the “physical” piece with the inner core being more the things “to meditate on” “ponder”.
Here are some personal examples of what I consider Outer and Inner Core:
OUTER CORE:
- Setting a rhythm that work for my family. I say this all the time, but it seems to bear frequent repeating: cut back on your outside activities, cultivate your ability to be home, start with a rhythm around waking/sleeping/rest times and meals, and build up from there. If this all new to you, try the “Rhythm” tag in the tags box for back posts. It also bears repeating that Life Before Children is not the same as Life After Children.
- The other outer piece is to develop skills. Part of Waldorf homeschooling is learning to teach a variety of skills that seem to be rather lost in our society today – knitting, crocheting, all kinds of art, music, singing, cooking, baking, gardening. If you would like a complete list for what to be working on when your children are under 7 years of age please see the skill list Lovey and I came up with here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/09/a-mothers-job-in-the-waldorf-homeschool-kindergarten/
So perhaps you pick just one skill for Fall and one skill for Spring and work on those. Seek out teachers if you need to, buy that book on the subject, watch that YouTube video. The point is, once you have identified the skill, you can break it down into what you need to do to make it happen!
- Time to be outside and observe the seasons, festival preparations and celebrations that are the marker of your family’s traditions and yearly rhythm.
INNER CORE:
When I think of inner core, I am working toward things that nourish the “soul life” of my home. I am also thinking of the things that add into our Family Mission Statement. Here is our Family Mission Statement:
Our family will be a place of KINDNESS, as we love one another, help one another, and are gentle and patient with one another in words and actions.
(“Don’t ever forget kindness and truth. Wear them like a necklace. Write them on your heart as if on a tablet.” Proverbs 3:3 and “Someone with a quick temper does foolish things, but someone with understanding remains calm.” Proverbs 14:17).
Our family will be one of INTEGRITY as we do what we say we are going to do and act in honesty and loyalty to one another.
(“The good people who live honest lives will be a blessing to their children.” Proverbs 20:7)
Our family will be a place of POSITIVE ATTITUDES as we have hope, cheerfulness and encouragement for each other in all situations and challenges.
(“Worry is a heavy load, but a kind word cheers you up.” Proverbs 12:25 and “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, making people happy and healthy.” Proverbs 16:24)
If you need help writing your Family Mission Statement, here is a back post on that: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/08/creating-a-family-mission-statement/
Your family mission statement can help guide you as to the “intangibles” you need to develop in fulfilling this. For me, part of kindness is also warmth and being present. So those are the things I choose to focus on and develop in order to fulfill part of our Mission Statement. Maybe your things to work on are different but I think you can see how this works.
Most of all, KEEP IT SIMPLE. All of this simply cannot happen overnight; it takes years. If your children are very small and you are drowning yourself in books and research and plans but no action, I suggest several simple steps:
- Read Steiner for yourself
- Pick one main resource for homeschooling help if you are that point (ie, for example, if you are using a Waldorf consultant’s work, pick ONE consultant to follow and consult with!)
- Pick one skill to develop per semester or year
- Remember that your own intuition and inner work, along with developing rhythm and being present with your family counts first and foremost.
- Anything can be done if you break it up bit by bit!
Cultivating the FUN: The Inner Work of Advent
Why is it that FUN is the first thing that often seems to run out the door when trying to “get it all done”? I alluded to this in my last post about trying to put people before things, think about this time with small children as a season so as to not get so upset that every single thing is not being done from scratch right at this point. It takes time to build traditions in the family, your children will be watching you for many years as you build up the time you spend crafting, sewing, knitting, as they grow! They will not remember that when they were two years old you did not knit all their winter sweaters by hand! I promise!
So where is the FUN??
I think FUN should be as much as a priority as crafting, sewing, cooking and cleaning. And judging from the mothers I speak with, this is an area that is highly challenging for many of them and they find this difficult to develop. “I just am not silly. I can’t be silly.” “It is hard for me to relax and spend time with my children without seeing everything else I should be doing.” “My husband is the one that really can get down on the floor and have fun with them!”
Okay, yes, but think back to some skill you had to learn – knitting, sewing, parenting in general! etc. Did you just throw up your hands and say, “I can’t knit! I just am not a knitter!” My point is that these things take time to develop.
Here is my Advent Adventure for you. And here is the best part: you only need ten minutes a day! Set a timer if you have to, and set aside five minutes a day to just roll around on the floor with your kids climbing all over you. Maybe the dog will join in! Call it Monster or whatever you want to call it and just hug each other and wrestle and have fun! If that doesn’t appeal to you, how about a five minute game of hide and go seek or tag? Or five minutes of horsie rides?
For your second five minutes, try to cultivate a playful and FUN attitude whilst you are doing some of that work. Make pancakes as part of a restaurant, do laundry as part of a pretend dry cleaners, use a silly voice, sing a silly song whilst you are doing something. Too often we show our children that work is not fun; show them that anything can be fun if one has the right attitude!
Be in Joy this holiday season!
Carrie
Beautiful Santa Lucia Handwork
Look at this!! It may be too late for this year, but good planning for next year!
http://blockaday.com/saint-lucia-and-a-little-bit-of-waldorf/comment-page-1/#comment-39773
Carrie
Discipline for the Four-Year-Old
Challenges with the four-year-old has come up on three separate lists I am on, so I tried to round up some helpful posts for you all:
The ever-popular “defiance” post: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/16/a-few-fast-words-regarding-defiance-in-children-under-the-age-of-6/
Gentle Discipline:
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/16/gentle-discipline-as-authentic-leadership/
“Command, Don’t Demand” – not sure why the permalink says what it says:
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/20/getting-past-fear/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/22/developing-healthy-boundaries/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/26/big-tools-for-the-big-picture/
A good read for many of you trying to replace another parenting style with gentle discipline:
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/29/top-10-must-have-tools-for-gentle-discipline/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/16/irritation-points-for-parents-of-children-birth-age-4/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/30/help-my-child-doesnt-seem-to-know-right-from-wrong/
Here are some very specific to the four-year-old:
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/09/more-about-social-experiences-for-the-four-year-old/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/05/realistic-expectations-for-the-four-year-old/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/05/parenting-the-high-needs-older-child/
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/03/more-about-the-four-year-old/
Scroll down to the end for some tips of how to handle the four-year-old year:
https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/04/fantastic-four-year-old/
Thanks,
Carrie
Children, Chores, Housecleaning and Homeschooling
This post is for my dear friend Andrea, and also for Molly, who asked in the comment section of this post (https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/03/this-week-in-our-december-waldorf-homeschool/#comments) when and how I got housecleaning, baby care, dog care done with homeschooling.
Great question! Many of you know I have an eight-week-old, so the answer is this:
One person cannot do everything.
There has to be priorities. I have been involved with La Leche League for years, and one of the things I have heard repeatedly is “people before things.”
You cannot homeschool and do beautiful main lessons and extra lessons, tend to a nursing baby, cook everything from scratch, make all your children’s clothes, tend to yourself and your husband – and do it all and not be crazy!
Forging close and intimate connections with your children, rediscovering the creativity from a child’s perspective, having the time to play a board game with that eight-year-old, being outside with a preschooler learning to ride a bike, all takes time. Children are only small once. Yes, things still have to “get done”, but we also need to realize this period of time is a SEASON. It will not be this way forever. I love gardening, cooking, baking, needle felting and I love my house to be clean – but warm connection with my children is more important right now than those things. This can be very difficult for those of us who are used to doing everything by hand and having everything a certain way! Do not treat your children as if they are an intrusion in your work; treat them as the precious gifts they are!
I detailed my housecleaning routine here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/11/housecleaning-and-homeschooling/
and will be happy to tell you where I am now:
My morning routine is essentially to grab a fast shower if I didn’t take one the night before, cook a warm breakfast for everyone, throw laundry in and then either run the vacuum cleaner or clean the bathrooms (and if the baby is in the sling it may not be me getting down on my hands and knees to scrub the bathroom floor!)
We typically go outside and go for a walk or a bike ride and jump rope and then come in and start school. We then come in and prepare a snack. School begins and we work in increments of about 20 to 30 minutes and take breaks where the children play and I either make food for lunch or dinner ahead of time or switch laundry or do diaper changes. After school is finished, before lunch and quiet time, we pick up any toys that are on the floor and clean up the school room. After lunch and quiet time is when we do any other focused chores (see original housecleaning/homeschooling post). I plan in preparation time before dinner where we clean up the house again and also prepare food. We have been home a lot, so we are here and can work slowly and stop with these breaks and be okay with that. I am also lucky in that my husband is generally home at night and can help with dinner dishes and anything else I really need. In fact, I am really lucky this month as he has a whole four weeks of paid paternity leave right now!
Baby care happens all the time – the baby usually falls asleep in the sling during our morning movement, and then sometimes he stays in the sling or I can put him down in the co-sleeper for a nap. He usually takes another nap late morning in my lap whilst I am homeschooling. After lunch, we lay down together for another nap and then he takes his fourth nap somewhere in the later afternoon (many times the children are playing outside in the yard by then). Some days he is awake a lot of the day, some days he is growing and sleeping a lot. He nurses on demand, and tends to fall asleep fairly early at night. We co-sleep, and I try to go to bed by nine so I can be refreshed the next day. Nursing at night does not usually wake me up, and we may get up once or twice to change diapers but usually he goes right back to sleep after that. This season will pass, and we will soon be into a more mobile, teeth-getting stage that I am sure will be more challenging. But, having a basic rhythm really does help at this point. Temperament also plays into it as he is a fairly laid-back little guy. He is held most of the time 🙂 because he will only be this little once and I so love him!
The dog gets walked every night by my husband (she used to get walked by the kids and I in the morning as well, and we will go back to that once the baby is bigger). I have the kids clicker train her during some of the breaks, and she plays in all the kids’ games (which sometimes involves her getting dressed up in tutus, poor dog!)
The main thing is to not get too excited about it all, it will all get done eventually. One has to be patient and realize that again, this is a season, it won’t be like this forever and it is okay that things take longer than before.
The other things that have helped me include the following:
- To have my children have an early bedtime. The time after they go to bed is the time I do any last minute cleaning up, folding of laundry, gathering things for homeschool the next day.
- To have a quiet time after lunch. When you homeschool and are with your children all day long, it can become important to have some space and a little break mid-day.
- To build in time of cleaning up throughout the day, and to generally think ahead regarding food preparation.
- To really consider what is absolutely essential – for me, it makes me crazy to have things not picked up. My flat surfaces have to be cleaned up. The bathrooms can’t be dirty and there cannot be mounds of dishes in the kitchen sink. So those things are top priority so I can function.
- Enlist help. Don’t be afraid to ask your spouse to help you, and don’t feel resentful that he cannot read your mind and know what you want done!
- Less is more. Rotate the toys and don’t put so many out. Limit access to art supplies that require your assistance.
- Work in small chunks of time that have stopping points.
- Keep in mind realistic expectations for each age. Children under age 7 typically need more than a verbal directive to do something; you usually need to be there to physically help as well. Don’t verbally ask them to do something while you do something else and then become frustrated they are not doing what you asked! At the same time, repetition builds habit so do involve your children!
Just a few thoughts,
Carrie
A Frugal Window Star
This is a beautiful and frugal transparent window star! Check it out!
http://forrestdweller.blogspot.com/2009/12/folded-transparent-stars.html
I would never have thought to make a window star out of wax paper, would you?
Lovely!
Carrie
Santa Lucia Day in the Waldorf Home
This is another one of my favorite Winter Holidays. Santa Lucia Day is on December 13th and celebrates the life of Saint Lucy and light for the longest night of the year (under the old Gregorian calendar this was the Winter Solstice). This day usually begins before dawn, with the oldest girl in the family rising to make St. Lucia buns (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lussekatt) and bring these to her parents. She typically wears white, sometimes with a red sash and a wreath of candles on her head. Other girls in the family are dressed in white as attendants and the boys are dressed as “star boys” with pointy star hats. I believe in many Scandinavian countries this day begins the Christmas season.
Some stories say Lucia was known as a medieval saint who brought food and drink to a province of Sweden during a period of famine. Other stories point out the Sicilian origins of Lucy and tell how she brought food to the poor souls living in the catacombs. At any rate, Santa Lucia is seen as a symbol of hope and light during the dark of Winter, and her day is still celebrated in Scandinavian countries, Italy and other countries today. Wikipedia has a pretty good entry about this day here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Lucy%27s_Day
There is a traditional Swedish song associated with Santa Lucia Days and you can see one English translation here: http://www.mamalisa.com/blog/santa-lucia-day-song-and-saying-why-its-a-festival-of-light/
There are also many YouTube videos of the Santa Lucia Day public processions. Here is one:
Some simple ways to celebrate:
Make buns of course! Here is the recipe I use, although not traditional due to the lack of saffron:
1 cup warm water
1 tablespoon yeast
1 tablespoon turmeric for color
Stir all of these things together in a large bowl.
Add
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs , beaten
1 teaspoon salt
2 to 4 cups of flour to make a soft dough
Knead; keep the dough on the soft side. Add currents or raisins if you like those. Shape into S shaped buns, let rise until doubled and then bake at 400 degrees until golden. Once cooled, you can frost them or just eat with honey butter.
More resources:
Check out some of the ideas here:http://storybookwoods.typepad.com/storybook_woods/2008/12/saint-lucia-unit.html
How about these adorable Santa Lucia dolls? These are so cute! http://rosylittlethings.typepad.com/posie_gets_cozy/2006/12/santa_lucia_dol.html
Happy day!
Carrie
Cultivating The Ability To Stay Home: The Inner Work of Advent
Usually a post on this topic causes a response to well up inside one’s soul, either because it is an area one feels passionate about or it is an area of intense difficulty and challenge. I wrote about this awhile back in this post: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/04/15/but-when-i-stay-homeeverything-falls-apart/ and feel it is time to examine this issue again.
In the Early Years of Waldorf, the years some would call “Waldorf Preschool” and “Waldorf Kindergarten”, a child should be firmly entrenched in the home. A typical parent in today’s society equates exposing their child to lots of different places and things in the Early Years to further developed language skills, social skills and other Advanced Things.
I would like to put forth something different.
What if this beautifully enriching environment could be your own home? A beautiful, peaceful place of rhythm, of oral storytelling and singing, of artistic endeavors, of outside time in nature?
It can be, but it requires work on your part. It requires careful evaluation of outside activities and the ability to say “no”, which is often difficult. It also involves coming to terms with the idea that your child is not missing something but not being involved in ice skating lessons, art classes, choir practice, drama, soccer all at one time.
Someone wrote regarding my post on “Hopeless With Waldorf” (https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/12/hopeless-with-waldorf/) that they could not believe I advocated for no classes, no playgroups for a four-year-old. I have discussed playgroups at length on this blog – I do believe that most playdates (which typically are playgroups) are usually more for the parent than the child at any age under four and a half, and that even ages four and a half, five and six are often rocky ages for friendships. Reading any text on normal child development for these ages will point this out. The best socialization for a child of these early ages is still with the family, and then perhaps a one on one playdate in a natural area that begins with a structured activity and then progresses to free play where parents are involved in watching their children and helping their children socially “work things out”. If a mother needs support due to being under parenting stress and such, and that occurs at a playgroup, then I would say I am for that – anything that provides the mother support so she can make a comfortable home for herself, her spouse and her children, but to weigh that with how the child behaves after a playgroup and to work with that and be responsive to that.
In many areas, there are many, many options available for homeschoolers. In my large metropolitan area, there are all kinds of classes for homeschoolers – art, music, academic classes, homeschool sports, and the list goes on. All of it sounds wonderful, but often requires further investigation. First of all, because we are Waldorf homeschoolers, often the classes for the Early Years are pushing academics or things that just come later in the curriculum. We must evaluate if this is okay and valid, or not worthy at this point.
We must also look at the impact of being outside of our homes many days of the week for activities on top of going to a co-op or grocery store and running errands if we must bring our children to these places as well. Weekends may also involve going out to church or somewhere else.
I am not an advocate of isolation, I am far too social and extroverted myself for that! But, if you can spend the majority of your days at home you will notice your days relaxing into a flow, your children being able to find something to do without you directing it, and your children will stop asking you, “Where are we going today?”
If we can nurture the ability of the child to have balance, to be able to rest after lunch and go to bed early, to be comfortable being by oneself and yes, later in a group, then we are working toward Balance. There are so many children that are over-stimulated at an early age by classes and activities they really do not know how to be alone, how to create their own play and how to be comfortable alone.
This is also important practice for moving into the Grades for homeschooling, where one needs to be home to accomplish academic work. A Main Lesson plus other extra lessons can take at least part of the morning, and if one has multiple children to homeschool, the entire morning and even the early part of the afternoon may be needed to finish (especially as one moves up in the grades!) For the Early Years and even the Early Grades, it is also important the child has unhurried time in nature and for free play, for their own pursuits. This is an extreme advantage of homeschooling, but often one area parents must work to take advantage of.
As this year comes to a close and the New Year begins, I urge you to look at and list your outside commitments and see if all are necessary or how you could free up more time just to be home. On the flip side, if you are home all the time and you have older children who now do need to go a few places and have friendships that have become very important, I urge you to look how you could accomplish that and nurture that. Friendships become important, and as homeschoolers, we often have to work to have opportunities to meet with other like-minded families. The world does open up, and an older child should be going to the museum and doing some things outside of the home. Now is the time!
Happy meditating on this important subject,
Carrie
The Parenting Passageway 