Author Archives: Carrie

The First Week of Advent: More Ideas!

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Here is a round-up of ideas for the first week of Advent with many links for free resources on the Internet:

Here is the “Children’s Song of the Nativity”.  The music and words are traditional; one written version can be found in Candey Verney’s “The Singing Year” book (with accompanying CD).  Here is a version on YouTube sung by the St. Patrick Cathedral’s Boy Choir in Dublin:

I was unsuccessful in locating any other song from the Winter Wynstones on YouTube, so if anyone else has leads as to where an audio for these Winter songs are, please do leave a comment so we all can listen.  I know these books can be very tough if you do not read music well!

For this week, some families are telling stories about  Mother Mary (many families are also using song/ring games that have to do with Mother Mary). Some are telling Saint Nicholas stories in preparation for Saint Nicholas Day on Monday (I believe the Orthodox Church celebrates the Feast day of this saint later in the month).  Here is a link to all the stories over at the St. Nicholas Center:  http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=890.  You might also consider the festival stories by Eugene Schwartz here: http://members.millennialchild.com/products/catalog_page/Resources_FestivalStories.html

Good crafts for this week include making an Advent Wreath if you have not already, making an Advent Calendar, crafts for Saint Nicholas (see this link for ideas:  http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=122), baking Christmas treats and cookies, starting Christmas gifts from the children to others, making homemade wrapping paper.

Most of all, have fun together and await with reverence this magical time of the year,

Carrie

Gratitude On Thanksgiving

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Hello all my dear readers!  In the United States today we are celebrating Thanksgiving.  This came across Marsha Johnson’s Waldorf Home Educators Yahoo!Group and I thought is was a nice thought for today. 

She wrote:

Dear Friends!

Warm thoughts are flowing towards all of you, each and every precious one, who has chosen to come and be present in this group, on the earth, in your communities, in your families, in your own very self! This is the American Thanksgiving Holiday, a unique festival of gratitude for what has been given and what has been provided, roots deep in a religious tradition, yes, but one that has become a national holiday of harvest to a great degree, with the largest focus on family, food, and the gathering….in groups, as friends, as families, as communities, as humans.

The children are quite excited by all the to-do, with much cooking happening with traditional foods of roasted turkeys (a large fowl), harvest foods such as mashed potatoes & gravy, stuffing (a bready dressing with vegetables, fruits, more), a dish made with sweet potatoes, often, salads, baked desserts such as pumpkin pies served with whipped cream, often many other side dishes, appetizers, drinks, and so on.

It is a time that celebrates an event in our American history when the first immigrants came to the eastern shores and were essentially starving and the native people came with food to share. These foreigners were ill equipped to survive in the new country, nearly starving to death while surrounded by food sources well known to the native peoples, large beds of seafood practically swimming into your hands, native foods unknown to the Europeans such as corn, squash, and so on….

It is a celebration that has some rather bleak images for the native peoples here who subsequently lost their entire ‘country’ and most of their population due to strange imported diseases for which they had no resistance whatsoever….it was this generous provision of food which in some ways contributed directly to their own demise.

Can we be grateful in the moment, unaware of what is to come? Can we teach our children to experience and express thankfulness as a virtue? In today’s competitive world, is promoting this virtue a viable choice or is it perceived as some kind of weakness?

In the Waldorf Way, we are filled at every conscious moment with the love of the ‘other’, the ‘other’ who has come to be near us, with us, around us, befriend us, play with us, spend time with us…..we are so aware of the gift of the ‘other’, the children and their parents, who come willingly and whole hearted, to spend precious time in the school and in the classes, in conferences, and meetings….it is a gift to be together and I am acutely aware of each passing moment, now lost in time, that has been spent with me…

Teaching thankfulness is the job of the adult in all communities, taking time to pause and be very public about the grace that has fallen down upon us in each moment, we can express this for the child and of course, the feelings are present in the youngest child and we can provide a model for imitation, in our vocal quality, in our facial expressions, in our everyday ordinary moments…not just once a year.

Here is a list of potential words to begin to include in your speaking and in your conscious thinking, listen and see if your child(ren) will imitate you and use these, frequently…
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so very much.
I am so thankful.
I am so thankful that you thought of me (us).
I am grateful.
I am so very grateful for your help (thought, intention, action).
I feel so grateful for you.
How thoughtful!
How kind!
How sweet of you to remember me!
I appreciate that.
I appreciate you.
I appreciate what you have done.
I appreciate your help.
I appreciate your concern.
I appreciate your attitude (help, presence, questions, assistance).
Don’t we appreciate what you have done!
I am so pleased with you.
I am so happy with what you have done today.
I give thanks to you.
I give thanks to God for you.
I am so happy that you are here with me.
Isn’t it wonderful that “name” has helped us!

Those kinds of remarks can make a deep impression on the child and support the growth of gratitude as a virtue in a time when civility as a custom has been a bit replaced by sarcasm and cynicism

.

Grateful for your friendship,
Mrs. M

Here is toward fostering gratitude in our children, in our homes, and appreciating every day what is right in front  of us as opposed to waiting for the “If Onlys” of the future – “if only” I live somewhere else, “if only” our family had more income, “if only” this or “if only” that.  Gratitude can start in the here and now.

Gratitude for today, gratitude for you!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Ideas for The First Week of Advent In The Waldorf Home

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Next Sunday begins the Season of Advent.  I love this long season of Light that culminates in the Twelve Holy Nights and Epiphany.  My family is currently  settling into a new church, and it is exciting that there are many preparations underway for the Season of Advent, culminating in a large Epiphany pageant for the children.  This emphasis upon the liturgical year and the resources that this large parish has to organize, plan and lead these festivities has me as excited and giddy as any small child!

Steiner  himself acknowledged the different festivals revolving around light for the darkness of the year, but also wrote how different Christmas is from other winter festivals in that:

“The birth of the light will be followed by life in the light. Christians, therefore, should not see in the Christmas festival something that passes. It is not a memorial festival commemorating what has occurred in the past. The Christmas message does not say, “Christ has been born, Christ was born.” It says, “Today Christ is born.” Today is always emphasized. This is significant. The emphasis on today should be understood in the sense in which Christ has spoken, “I am with you always even unto the end of days.” This confronts us anew each year and reveals to us the connection between man and the heavens.” (From Signs and Symbols of the Christian Festival, Lecture One, available here:  http://wn.rsarchive.org/Lectures/SignSymbols/19041219p01.html)

Advent in the Waldorf Home is something that is frequently celebrated by people of every religious background, every faith, every spiritual path as part of the festivals of the cycle of the year.  This quote is attributed to Rudolf Steiner, although I don’t think anyone has been able to show exactly where Steiner said this:

The first light of Advent is the light of stone–.
Light that lives in crystals, seashells, and bones.
The second light of Advent is the light of plants–
Plants that reach up to the sun and in the breezes dance.
The third light of Advent is the light of beasts–
All await the birth, from the greatest and in least.
The fourth light of Advent is the light of humankind–
The light of hope that we may learn to love and understand.”

From this, many Waldorf schools and families celebrate Advent by looking each week at the natural kingdoms on Earth: minerals the first week, plants the second week, animals the third week and humans the fourth week, all waiting for the birth of Christ. This can be a lovely idea, and certainly one that has been fairly well-fleshed out within the Waldorf community with many resources available on the Internet.

Since the first week of Advent is fast approaching, here are some ideas:

** -I highly recommend reading the Advent devotions of your religion if you have a religious path and focusing your Advent activities around the activities of your place of worship.  What could be more meaningful for your small child or older children to be immersed in a community that is preparing and waiting together?

**- I highly suggest you take the things your community has to offer, the things your religious community has to offer, and mark them on the calendar and make them a focal point for this quiet time of preparing and waiting.  Our calendar right now has marked on it an Advent Spiral, St. Nicholas Day, Wednesday night dinners at our parish complete with the church baking as a community, Advent lessons and caroling at a special liturgy, Santa Lucia Day, and special liturgies up to Christmas Day, through the 12 Holy Nights and Epiphany.

There are several ways to count down to Christmas or all the way to Epiphany:

This is a good week to focus on the mineral kingdom preparing for the birth of the Christ Child. There is a song I like in the Winter Wynstones book where the lyrics say (my emphasis on the one line):

Hush-a-bye, hush-a-bye, holy night,

angels have brought the Child of Light:

All mankind shall gently bear Him;

all the beasts shall nestle near Him,

all the flowers shall adore Him,

all the stones shall kneel before Him,

all the world shall worship Him,

cherubim and seraphim.

Wet felting stones, making star shaped candles, pulling out your crystals, geodes, and other nature finds for your table are all appropriate here.  Here was a post I wrote last year about how we celebrated the first week of Advent: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/11/29/the-first-week-of-advent/

Here is an idea for a Nature Table display:  http://waldorfwithoutwalls.com/articles/advent

Possible stories for this week include The Star Money from the Brothers Grimm,(and if you have the book “Rose Windows”, there is a lovely idea for a window transparency in there); other possible stories include the ones from “The Light In the Lantern:  Stories for Advent” from Wynstones Press; another possibility would be to read “Saint Nicholas” by Jakob Streit since St. Nicholas Day is on December 6th. If you would like more information regarding St. Nicholas, please see this back post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/11/26/saint-nicholas-day-in-the-waldorf-home/

I have been wholly unsatisfied with the Advent Circles I have been finding in books.  There is something about this time of year that seems difficult to really place into a circle kind of format, at least in my opinion.

Here are some resources though because even though these things didn’t strike me, perhaps they will strike you!

Reflections on an Advent Circle from the Waldorf Kindergarten:  http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/GW3213.pdf

Hope that helps plan out your first week of Advent.  I would love to hear your ideas, circle time ideas, or anything else that strikes you this first week of Advent.

Many blessings to you!

Carrie

The Nine-Year Old Girl

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I have had the great privilege and honor of being able to observe a group of nine-year old girls this year.  It has been very interesting to watch their transformation and challenges.  Here are some of the things I have observed regarding the nine=year-old girl and what is going on developmentally:

  • This whole notion that they are separate from their families, mothers.  Not completely separate, but the inkling is there.  You hear phrases from them about “perhaps” they were really left in a basket on a doorstep, or a basket floating in a river, or “wouldn’t it be neat” if really they were a princess and one day they were taken back to their real family’s castle.  My daughter wondered perhaps  if I was an alien in disguise one day! 
  • Peer relationships become more important than before.  There are sleep-overs going on in my neighborhood amongst the nine-year-olds.   Some mothers have told me there is even the emergence of “cliques” at their place of worship or in other activities.   I have observed there can be  a little bit of cattiness sometimes when a “new girl” enters an activity, something the adults have been really careful to step in and guide appropriately with simple rules and being present.
  • Nine –year-olds have a strong sense of fairness, and of what is “good” and what is “bad”.  They want to do the right thing.
  • Some nine and  a half year old girls really seem to be going through bodily changes that take some adjusting to on both a physical and emotional level.  They may be gaining weight, or getting taller, or, if they became heavier at age eight, may actually be slimming down.
  • Nine-year-olds have questions about God, death,  birth, life and everything in between!
  • Nine-year-olds many times do want some separation from younger siblings.  Not all the time, but at least to have a few times here and there with just children of their own age.  I have seen this in families whether the children are homeschooled or go to public or private school.
  • Some nine-year-olds like something competitive, but nine-year-olds are also pretty hard on themselves when they cannot do something well.  They are beginning to notice what friends is good at what.
  • There is some borderline (or more) talking back to parents that does seem to occur around this age.  They know what the rules of the house are, but they don’t mind letting you know they don’t like that rule. 
  • Nine-year-olds may be interested in small businesses, making money.

Here are some suggestions for the age 9 for girls:

  • Spend time with your girl where you can focus on her and listen to her.  It may be hard for her to open up to you with smaller siblings running around and listening, and she may need time with you just the way a smaller child does.
  • Build up a supportive community for your nine-year-old that includes other adult women who are good role models for your daughter.
  • Keep reinforcing the positive things about what your daughter can do with her mind and her body.
  • Nine-year-olds really benefit from having involvement in a religious or spiritual community.  Investigate your own beliefs and work to make this happen for them.  Festivals and holidays can be carried to new heights when a nine-year old has responsibilities different than the smaller children.  They are ready!
  • Talk to your nine-year-old about money and earning money and saving money.  One resource our family has used and likes is this one from Doorposts:  http://www.doorposts.com/details.aspx?id=26
  • Talk to her about popularity and exclusion and what your values are as a family in how you treat others, how to stand your group in a group that is doing something different – and be around to supervise!
  • Daughters need their fathers.  Fathers can also talk about these issues and sometimes it carries much more weight than coming from mothers.
  • Recognize your daughter’s need for some separation as normal.  Family time is so very important, but having a time to play with children their own age here and there is also valuable.
  • Keep limiting the media.  Nine-year-olds still take things pretty concretely, the messages they see regarding body image still really affect them, and no nine-year-old needs to be propelled into teenager land.  Choose media wisely if you do it at all. 
  • Get a foundation of physical activity going.  This is important to deal with bodily changes, as well as laying a good foundation for movement prior to the heaviness and density that the age of 12 brings.

What have you noticed about your nine-year-old recently?

Many blessings,

Carrie

Blog Posts I Am Enjoying

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So around the blogosphere I am enjoying:

Kyrie’s Warmth Week, complete with guest posters:  http://aresohappy.squarespace.com/home/2010/11/16/16-november.html

Chelsea’s wonderful and honest post about how to eat healthy on an extremely tight budget:  http://chelseab.typepad.com/lady_i_swear_by_all_flowe/2010/11/15-november-2010.html

Wee Folk Art’s Poinsettia Applique Block:  http://weefolkart.com/content/poinsettia-applique-block

Thinking about the worker characters in different fairy tales: http://junipertreepuppets.com/the-worker-character-workshop-photos/

Many blessings and enjoy,

Carrie

Preparing for the Six/Seven Year Change: The Importance of Boundaries

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One of the most pressing issues for the child of the traditional preschool age (ages 3 and onward) is learning to deal with boundaries.  I find many attached parents, especially first-time attachment parents, are rather slow about using boundaries.  It seems as if they equate boundaries with not being a good attached parent.  Attachment parenting does not mean letting the child do whatever they want at the expense of the needs of everyone else in the family.  That is not what attachment parenting is, and it sets your child and you up for difficulties that are much harder to un-do as your child grows older and the things you are dealing with become much bigger.

Children naturally are experimenting with boundaries during the years of  three to six  and beyond!  A child of three or three and a half really has their own will starting to emerge and is looking to see what the rules of the family are.  It is also an important time for the child to see what the social rules are beyond the immediate family.  A small child needs you to model manners and to help them.  We are certainly kind and respectful at home, but there are also certain ways we act outside of our home depending upon what we are doing and where we are.  What are the rules of conduct at the park versus the rules of being at a place of worship?  These are the things that small children are learning.

A sense of right and wrong can not be especially elicited before the six/seven year old change, but that certainly does not mean you just let things go and slide away.  You take your four year old by the hand and say “thank you” to the neighbor who has brought him a gift, even  if he is too shy to say it for himself.  You take your child who is being disruptive in a quiet place and step outside.  You physically help your three and a half or four year old draw a picture for the smaller sibling whom they were not gentle with. 

If you can start by putting these boundaries in place when children are small, then when your child moves into the ages of seven  and nine, they will come to see you as the loving authority that you are.  They will see that what you say means something and your voice will be a guide of wisdom.  I am sure as teenagers you all will remember certain things your parents would say, and  even  if you didn’t follow your parent’s advice about something, you probably could hear their voice in your head!  The parent’s loving authority is often like a conscience for the child as they work to  develop their own morality and their own right action.

But the groundwork for this is laid in the Early Years.  I cringe when I see three and a half, four, five and six year olds just doing whatever it is what they want to do with no regard for the feelings of others because the parent is not guiding the behavior at all.   Yes, children have temper tantrums, children melt down, children have difficulty playing together, things happen.    That is life with small children!  However, it is the job of the parent to help guide that child toward the boundaries that exist, to structure opportunities for success,  and yes, to step in a gentle physical way to help guide the child.  There is no “voice only” parenting from the sidelines with the small child. They need your physical presence. 

What you are doing today with your small child is very important for the future of your child and for the future of society.  What you do today matters!  The Early Years count!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Martinmas Round-Up

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On Sunday night we had the wonderful fortune of being invited to a Lantern Walk that was being held through the German Church in town.  There were quite a few families present, and lots of children holding many different types of lanterns.  We had a small service, the priest read a story from Leo Tolstoy from the book “Stories For Telling”  (here on Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Stories-Telling-William-R-White/dp/0806621923) and then we saw a dramatization of Saint Martin and the beggar.  This included a live horse, which thrilled the children as we got to walk behind St. Martin and his horse and a procession of trumpets.  Very lovely!

Here is a round-up of the songs we sang (in German, of course):

Ich geh mit meiner Laterne

Laterne, Laterne

Sankt Martin ritt durch Schnee und Wind

I wanted to post You Tube links to these songs, but I kept coming up with these odd techno-versions of these songs that were not really what I wanted…Perhaps my German-speaking readers can help with links so those unfamiliar with these can hear the songs?

Here are some ways other blogging families celebrated Martinmas:

http://maymomvt.blogspot.com/search/label/martinmas

http://mommyerin.blogspot.com/2010/11/celebrating-feast-of-st-martin-of-tours.html

http://thewheelandthedisk.blogspot.com/2010/11/martinmas.html

Over at Untrodden Paths:  http://untroddenpaths.blogspot.com/2010/11/recent-picture-books-and-st-martin.html

If you celebrated Martinmas and wrote a blog post, please leave your link below so others can find you!

Many blessings,

Carrie

“I Have Done Everything and Breastfeeding Isn’t Working Out”

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My last post was about the benefits of breastfeeding (https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/11/16/why-should-i-breastfeed-my-baby/).  In general, breastfeeding and supplying infants human milk is always something that should be considered for immune health.  However, I find that bringing up the benefits of breastfeeding often can be met with anger and guilt on the part of some mothers.  That is never my intention, to hurt and polarize.  Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time would know that about me  and this space.

Continue reading →

Why Should I Breastfeed My Baby?

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(This post really is geared toward pregnant mothers who are trying to decide whether or not to  “try” breastfeeding.) 🙂

Oddly enough, I typed this into a search engine to see what would come up, and not much did. Maybe it was the way I worded it (ie, if I put in “benefits of breastfeeding”, I wonder what would have come up?)  However, I also wondered if perhaps we are not doing a great job in the medical world and the world of lactation consultants in getting the word out to the public about the very specific benefits of breastfeeding.  Many mothers seem to “know” that breastfeeding *might* be better than not breastfeeding, but I wonder if mothers can think of very specific targeted benefits.

On that note, I thought I would write a list and have it handy on this blog.  The references for this article came from the newly revised “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding”, from Marsha Walker’s  “Core Curriculum For Lactation Consultant Practice” and varioud PubMed studies.

Continue reading →

Back To Basics: Cultivating Gratitude In Children

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One of the frequent complaints I hear from parents is that their children don’t seem to appreciate things and express gratitude readily.  Parents have told me stories about how their small children just want, want, want, want and how they feel angry, sad, wondering what they did wrong because their children are never satisfied.

That is hard, and the beginning of this is to look at how you feel about the negative emotions your child expresses in general.  Does it bring up your own “stuff”?  Usually when a child does something that really bothers us, there is a reason from our own past, our own baggage, that makes this issue a hot button for us. 

How are you yourself modeling gratitude in your family?  Is there a general attitude of contentment or are you always searching for more, for bigger, for better?  Are you a complainer yourself? 

What do you do each day ACTIVELY to model gratitude?  Do you say a blessing before meals?  Do you pray and say thank you for things? Do you recount good things that you are happy about before you go to sleep?

What is your environment like?  Is it simple, with everything having a toy, or is it towering and teeming with STUFF?  How many toys does your child have?  There can be too much even if it is “natural” toys.  Try this back post for suggestions of how many clothes and how many toys and what kinds of toys your child would like at each age:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/23/holiday-gifts-for-children-how-much-is-too-much/ 

What age is your child?  The three to six age range (if not before!) can be really, really difficult to take  to stores.  They really do not understand why you cannot afford to buy X,Y and Z and you cannot reason with them, so as much as possible I advise you to run errands alone.

Can you mirror back your child’s wishes?  “I wish that too”  “That would be fun” can be really simple small phrases to let your child know they have been heard.    Can you write down what they are asking for on a birthday or holiday list?

What stories could you tell to bring a healing element into all of this?  I love the Grimm Brother fairy tale “The Star Money”.  This is a lovely tale to tell around the holiday season.    Here is an on-line version:  http://www.grimmstories.com/en/grimm_fairy-tales/the_star-money  This story would be appropriate for ages four to six (say most Waldorf resources, I would say ages five to six to really “get” it). 

Do you have a spiritual community that can carry doing anything charitable?  Even small children, within the context of a strong and nurturing community, can carry making shoe boxes for children who will not receive other holiday gifts, drives for the homeless and food pantry, etc.  Remember, it is not so much talking about all this, but the DOING.

What are you doing to physically wear your child out? What work does your child do?  How does your child contribute to the welfare of your home and family?  To me, children who have time to wish, wish, wish about things probably are not expending enough physical energy!  Also think in general about warmth, about the number of choices the child is being asked to make, and the rhythm of your home.

I would love to hear your suggestions below!

Many blessings,

Carrie