Author Archives: Carrie

Two Ideas for First/Second Grade Blocks

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I love the book “Where the Mountain Meets the Moon” by Grace Lin.  It would make a great read-aloud for Waldorf homeschoolers in the second grade.  You could also make a language arts block out of it.  My friend Jen over at Ancient Hearth did just that, and you can see the spectacular results here:  http://ancienthearth2.blogspot.com/2011/01/la-block-where-mountain-meets-moon.html  I am so pleased looking at Jen’s pictures; her block turned out so beautifully!

I also wanted to share a little idea I am working on for my First Grader’s form drawing blocks for fall.  I want to use the little mice of Brambly Hedge to do our form drawing and I may also move the idea of mice into our math blocks for the four processes. 

For those of you not familiar with the  Brambly Hedge books, they are small pocket- sized books with intricate watercolor illustrations about  families of mice who make their homes in the roots and trunks of Brambly Hedge, “a dense and tangled hedgerow that borders the field on the other side of the stream.”  The main first four books go through each season with the assorted activities of gathering food, storing it for winter, and all the feasts and festivities that go with each season.

These were first published in Great Britain in 1980.  You can see the first four books here: http://www.amazon.com/Year-Brambly-Hedge-Jill-Barklem/dp/0007371667/ref=pd_sim_b_8

My thought is to make a giant wall mural of the hedge and the assorted  places of the hedge and then to use the stories as a springboard for the imagery of form drawing lines and curves.  There is  also a Brambly Hedge Pattern Book to sew fabric versions of the mice characters here:  http://www.amazon.com/Brambly-Hedge-Pattern-Book-Dolman/dp/0399211942/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1295721650&sr=8-8

Many blessings today,

Carrie

“Friends and Lovers” by Julian Sleigh

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My dear friend Lovey from over at Loveyland lent me this book.  I really wanted to write a review for you all but am finding it a bit  difficult as it  is the kind of book where so many things are profound you want to underline every other sentence and tab the pages and ponder what the authors says.  (Okay, I guess that is something of a review right there.  Smile)

This book is called “Friends and Lovers:  Working Through Relationships” and is written by Julian Sleigh who is a priest in the Christian Community, the renewal of religion that in part accepts the work of Rudolf Steiner and celebrates the traditional seven sacraments in renewed form.  Steiner’s work is referred to here and there in this  book, but I think even if that is not your worldview you will find much sensitive food for thought in this book.

This is not a huge book, about 191 pages total.  There are 24 chapters in this book including:   Setting out, Being a complete person, How am I doing?, Openness, The dynamic of affection, Friendship, The wonder of the soul, Helps and hindrances, Soul-mating, Forging bonds, It takes work to be social, Feeling, Not for myself, The way of love, Exploring the feminine, On being a man, Confiding, Sexuality:  a very personal matter, Creation or recreation?, The question of marriage, The music of marriage, Difficulties and challenges, From rapture to rupture, The community of the future.

The author begins this book with the description that there are “warm places in every person’s soul” that can be filled with feeling for others, and those others have awareness of these feelings.  How then do we become able to master interacting and communicating with others in harmony?  How do we relate to ourselves and how do we use this as the basis for relating to others?  How do we harness and tame anger and anxiety in our interactions with others?

One of my favorite parts of the book is about friendship.  On page 37, the author writes, “A friend is a person who is prepared to suffer in support of you:  to suffer for you and sometimes even to suffer because of you.  Your friend will give you space within his soul, and carry you in this space.” 

Another of my favorite ideas from this book is that relating to one another is a discipline and how feelings are part of our emotional life but feeling (as in willing, feeling, thinking) “is a stream of spiritual force that enters our soul when we are at peace with ourselves and with the world around.” 

There are some wonderful lists peppered through this book; the nine things for success in relating to others comes to mind as well as the 22 causes of possible break-down in a marriage.

The author talks about the crisis at age 28 that many people go through, adjusting to the first pregnancy,  infidelity and divorce and much more.

All in all a very interesting read! Has anyone out there also read this book and have any comments on it to share?

Here is a link to it on Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/Friends-Lovers-Working-Through-Relationships/dp/0863152678/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295545806&sr=8-1

Many blessings,

Carrie

“Hold On To Your Kids”–Chapters Ten and Eleven

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Chapter Ten takes a look at the epidemic of childhood aggression and its etiology.  The authors start this chapter by pointing out not only the number of rising incidents of violence, the fear adults have in confronting gangs of children or teenagers that was unheard of in the past and the violence of teenagers against each other.  They also point out that aggression is not only limited to attacking each other, but  also includes attacking oneself through self-deprecating remarks, self-hostility, self-harm and suicidal thoughts and impulses.

The key to these unlocking the reason behind these behaviors, the authors contend, is to understand the frustration of unmet attachment needs.  “There  are many triggers for frustration, but because what matters most to children- as to many adults- is attachment, the greatest source of frustration is attachments that do not work:  loss of contact, thwarted connection, too much separation, feeling spurned, losing a loved one, a lack of belonging or of being understood.”  When peers replace parents, frustrations mount even higher for a variety of reasons discussed within the chapter.

On page 133 the authors write that despite frustration,  “it is not a given that frustration must lead to aggression” (which, by the way, I am so glad the authors put that in there because that was exactly what I was thinking!)  They go on to say, “The healthy response to frustration is to attempt to change things.  If that proves impossible, we can accept how things are and adapt creatively to a situation that cannot be changed.  If such adaptation doesn’t occur, the impulses to attack can still be kept in check by tempering thoughts and feelings – in other words, by mature self-regulation.” 

A part of this chapter is subtitled “How Peer Orientation Foments Aggression” and cites three ways peer orientation contributes to aggression. Overall, peer orientation seems to dilute a child’s natural apprehensiveness and caution.  Emotional self-numbing is a goal of many peer oriented children and combined with the intake of alcohol can lead to aggression. 

Chapter Eleven is entitled “The Making of Bullies and Victims” and begins with the thought that whilst bullying has always been around, it has recently reached epic proportions in that a quarter of all US middle-school children (grades 6,7,8 for my foreign readers)were either perpetrators or victims of bullying.

The authors cite the lack of adult attachment for these children and note bullying can be reproduced in animal studies where the generational hierarchy is destroyed.  One of the studies the authors cite involve a group of monkeys in which they are separated from adults and raised by each other with the result being self-destructive and aggressive behavior.

The authors distinguish that some children are “psychologically set” to become bullies before peer orientation sets in.  They look at situations that may foster a child’s longing and drive to be dominant over peers in the absence of attachment, including:

  • The child was hurt or abused whilst in a dependent role.
  • The parent has failed to give the child a secure sense that there is a “competent, benign, powerful” adult in charge.
  • The parents has failed to attach to the child.
  • The parent puts the child in charge and in the lead and “looking to them for cues how to parent.”
  • The parent does everything possible to make everything work for the child in order to avoid upsetting the child.
  • The parents gives many choices and explanations “when what the child really needs is to be allowed to express his frustration  at having some of his desires disappointed by reality, to be given latitude to rail against something that won’t give.”
  • Parents are not present for children due to being preoccupied with stress.
  • Parents are too passive, too needy or too uncertain to “assert  their dominance” and the children move into the position of being dominant.

The authors also have an intriguing section in this chapter on “The Unmaking Of A Bully” in which they assert that “the bully’s only hope is to attach to some adult who in turn is willing to assume the responsibility for nurturing the bully’s emotional needs.” 

I will stop there but encourage those of you reading along with me to leave a comment as to what you thought about these two chapters…

Many blessings,

Carrie

Part Two of “Contemplating Homeschooling For Waldorf Kindergarten”?

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I think it is a sign of our times that I see mothers getting so very anxious, so very worked up about what to do, what curriculum to use for their three, four and five year olds, even in a Waldorf-inspired environment.

Please don’t.

Your main job with small children under the age of first grade (six and a half or seven) is to have a healthy home life and to do your own inner work and personal development in order to help set the tone for that healthy, joy-filled home life.

You might be wondering how to get started on inner work and personal development.  I have encouraged mothers over and over to really look carefully at discerning a spiritual path and to get involved in the DOING of an active spiritual life at a place of worship with a community. This is so important for your children as they grow, especially heading into the grades. 

Some parents have told me they have no idea what spiritual path to even try.  I suggest talking to your partner or spouse about your spiritual leanings or desires and comparing notes.  Possibly then you could make a shorter list of possible spiritual matches and go visiting alone or together as a couple  if it is hard to visit different places each week with small children in tow.  Sometimes the visiting process is confusing to small children, and discerning where you need to be as a family is important to do alone or as a couple and then involve the small children. Of course, with older children, visiting as a family can be a lovely experience.

A spiritual path can help direct your prayer life, your meditative life, your hours of the day and the festivals of the year.  Many religions have a Daily Office where certain things are prayed at certain hours, and a year of feasts and festivals to deepen one’ walk of faith throughout the cycle of the year. 

I have a large number of Orthodox, Roman Catholic and Anglican readers on this blog, along with quite a few Jewish and Islamic readers (and other spiritual paths!).  Perhaps they could comment as to what has been most meaningful to them on their spiritual path over the years in the comment box.  Not as a religious debate, of course, but as an example of personal journey!

Another way to work with personal development, I think, is to work with the concept of biography.  Where have you been, where are you now, where are you going?  Look at your seven year cycles and where you have been; I have many back posts on the book “Tapestries” on this blog that details each seven-year cycle through adulthood and also the stages of marriage.  You can find them by putting “Tapestries” into this blog’s search engine.  (And with close to 750 detail-packed posts, this blog needs a search engine! Ha!)

Love to all,

Carrie

New To This Blog and Considering Waldorf Homeschooling For Kindergarten?

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There are many, many back posts about homeschooling Waldorf Kindergarten on this blog.

First of all, many families are just trying to decide about whether or not homeschooling is right for them period.  If that is the case, try this back post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/04/01/how-to-make-a-decision-about-homeschooling/.  Are you concerned about homeschooling an only child?  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/11/13/parenting-and-homeschooling-the-only-child/

Perhaps these back posts would also  assist you:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/09/more-about-social-experiences-for-the-four-year-old/  and here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/07/social-experiences-for-a-four-year-old/  

I think it is very important to get clear about what Waldorf Kindergarten really means.  Waldorf Kindergarten in the school setting used to start around age four and a half, and now the age has dropped to age 3 or even younger, with “Morning Garden” classes for toddlers to age 3 in many schools.  For more thoughts on this, try this post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/30/waldorf-homeschooling-versus-waldorf-school/  Both Donna Simmons of Christopherus Homeschooling Resources and I have a strong dislike of where the Waldorf schools are headed in terms of taking younger and younger children out of the home.  Waldorf Kindergartens work to emulate a loving home, and this is something that we obviously can work on at home for far less cost and for far more personal development than perhaps would occur if our child was at Waldorf school.  Having your children with you 24/7 forces your own spiritual growth!  Ask any homeschooling mother!

I think in the home environment really we need to do “Waldorf Kindergarten” around the five-year-old year and the six-year-old year.  These are the ages for increased attention, increased ability to do artistic and creative work in a focused fashion.  It is just a thought; I know some will disagree.

Many families are attracted to the idea of homeschooling Waldorf Kindergarten because they like to spend time outside or they like all the natural toys.  There is a bit more to it than just those things.  Please read this article by Marsha Johnson, Waldorf Teacher, from this blog:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/15/the-waldorf-kindergarten/

What you may gather from the article by Marsha Johnson is that there is a progression in Waldorf Education, there is a sequence, and every single thing builds on each other.   There is nothing random in the curriculum at all.  It is all in there in due time when it is developmentally appropriate.   So, I think part of getting educated about Waldorf Kindergarten entails at least having an idea as to what first grade would be like.  There are posts about first grade on this blog for you to look at.  Here are some other places to learn more about Waldorf Education:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/11/28/i-am-new-to-waldorf-how-can-i-find-out-more/

Academic skills are introduced when the child is six and a half or seven in first grade.  I think one has to really get on the same page as one’s partner or spouse and discuss if together you are both really okay with a child not starting to read formally or do math formally.  The oral basis of language is being laid in the kindergarten in an extremely rich way, the body is being prepared in a rich way to promote academic success, foundations of math and science are being laid, but the formal sit down and write part comes later.  Are you okay with that?

Here are a few things to work on in the years before starting Waldorf Kindergarten in your home:

    • Work on your own ability to nurture and enfold your child into life.
    • Establish a rhythm for your child, your family, your life.  If you are still struggling with rhythm when you hit homeschooling for the grades, it will be difficult to focus on teaching.  Remember though, rhythm is not a schedule but a flow.
    • Establish health of your child through protection of the 12 senses, use of warmth, establishing rhythm.
    • Repetition!  It is what little people need!
    • Play, singing, interaction
    • Including your child in household chores
    • Outside and sensory experiences
    • Fostering the imagination through oral storytelling
    • And this famous post:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/09/a-mothers-job-in-the-waldorf-homeschool-kindergarten/

More nuts and bolts:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/13/summer-planning-waldorf-and-the-early-years/

 https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/08/22/waldorf-in-the-home-with-the-five-year-old/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/23/the-six-year-old-waldorf-kindergarten-year-at-home/

Here are some other blog posts that may interest you as you consider this decision:

A review:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/13/a-review-kindergarten-with-your-three-to-six-year-old-by-donna-simmons/

Another review:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/17/favorite-waldorf-resource-1-joyful-movement/

More Early Years books:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/09/which-early-years-book-should-i-buy/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/10/resources-for-the-waldorf-kindergarten-years/

To Those Of You Contemplating Homeschooling

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This is the time of year when some families are deciding to just not send their children back to school after the Holiday Break and are getting started homeschooling.  Have hope!

I have heard from parents who have taken the child they had the most difficult relationship with and brought that child home (and many parents with this same situation in the past have told me this brought the most wonderful changes and a forging of a close, intimate and healthy parent-child relationship).   Have hope!

I have heard from parents who want to switch to Waldorf homeschooling from another method of homeschooling.  The number one complaint I hear is that the other methods are “so dry”.  Have hope!

I have heard from parents who want to switch to Waldorf homeschooling because they felt some of the methods they used in the past really pushed their early grades child and now at age 9 or 10 their child is completely burned out.  Have hope!

I have heard from parents who have not yet pulled their children out of school but really, really want to.  They have collected curriculum and just need to find the confidence to get started!  Have hope!

If any of the above scenarios represent YOU and your family today, I have good news for you!

This is the good news:  you CAN do this, you will be successful, it will be okay.  Your family relationship will be stronger.  You will grow as a mother and as a human being. You will discover your children are lovely to be around.  Your family will also grow in grace and love!

This is not to say there will not be growing pains, or days of wondering why you decided to do this.  This is not say that you will not have to WORK – work in planning for your school days, work in planning how to do school and housecleaning, and this is not to say there will not be time when you have to make hard decisions about extra-curricular activities….but I am here to let you know that these growing pains will be worth it.  Completely and utterly worth it!

Have the courage to pull your children out of school, or to switch methods if that is what your family needs.

If you have been collecting curriculum, sit down and plan out a rhythm for a week and get started!  Your curriculum does no good at all sitting on a shelf.

Here are a few of my tips to get started:

  • Start with planning for this week – many of you are just waiting for the right moment to start homeschooling.  There is no right moment, you must jump in and do it.  Plan a week, then plan two weeks, then plan a month.  Just get started!  I like to plan day by day for my year over the Summer, so I start early, but mothers do it all different ways.  Find the way that works for you (but in order to do this you must start somewhere!).  You are not re-creating school in your home, here is a lovely article by Donna Simmons about the bringing Waldorf Education into the home: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/08/25/bringing-waldorf-to-homeschooling-by-donna-simmons/
  • Plan that your children may need up to a whole school year to really settle in.  Many mothers have told me that after they pulled their child from school the first year was just hard.  Don’t be discouraged.   Keep reminding yourself that what you are doing is enough:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/08/05/do-you-ever-worry-your-homeschool-teaching-is-not-enough/  Homeschooling is first and foremost about family!
  • Do have a support system for those hard days that you can call on (people who will NOT tell you the answer is to put your child back into school!)  Be careful what you can share with who.  Sometimes if you complain too much to family members, they lose confidence homeschooling is the right choice for your family and will start to pressure you about putting your children back in  school.  Know who you can trust with what information!
  • Figure out about life and homeschooling, smaller children — errands, cleaning, meals.  How and when is this going to happen?  What will the smaller children be doing whilst you work with your older child?  How can you balance needs within your family?
  • Work on YOURSELF.  I see so many mothers carrying around these really negative images of themselves – I am so disorganized, I can’t get up, I can’t stick to a schedule, ….What do you need to do to forgive yourself, to celebrate yourself, to lift yourself up?  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/27/forgiving-ourselves/ 
  • What is your spiritual path and what are you doing for spiritual work and personal development?  Some mothers I know found success with this little book, I gave out several copies at Christmas because I personally liked it so much (Christian perspective, but okay for those raised in Christian faith and wanting a little jump start back into something spiritual): http://www.amazon.com/Moments-Peace-Presence-God-Morning/dp/0764207768/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1294856068&sr=8-1
  • If you are Waldorf homeschooling, I encourage you to actually read some Steiner.  Kingdom of Childhood is a good place to start, very accessible.  Here it is for free:  http://steinerbooks.org/research/archive/kingdom_of_childhood/kingdom_of_childhood.pdf  You don’t have to agree with Steiner’s personal worldview to use Waldorf Education; you can bring Waldorf elements to your homeschool no matter what methods you use. (Here is a post on infusing Waldorf methods into Christian homeschooling:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/05/20/infusing-waldorf-elements-into-your-christian-homeschool/)  You take what resonates with you and leave the rest behind, but I think Steiner  fleshes out a curriculum so in synch with the developmental stages that also mesh with what psychologists such as Gesell and Piaget have said of the child people are foolhardy to ignore this system of education.  You can read why I personally like Waldorf Education here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/06/wonderful-waldorf/. 
  • Here is a whole post that rounds up some of the back posts on coming to Waldorf late:   https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/03/coming-to-waldorf-late-2/
  • Get help!  If you need help, how about using a Waldorf consultant? 

Just jump in and get started, you will be so glad you did!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Fostering Maturity In Children

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This is from our last post on Chapter Nine of “Hold On To Your Kids:  Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers”:

“So, what can we do as parents to foster maturity?  The authors write “The key to activating maturation is to take care of the attachment needs of the child.  To foster independence we must first invite dependence; to promote individuation we must provide a sense of belonging and unity; to help the child separate we must assume the responsibility for keeping the child close.”

Here is another quote: “The first task is to create space in the child’s heart for the certainty that she is precisely the person the parents want and love.”  Very lovely thought to meditate and ponder.”

I wanted to expand on this a bit.  One thought that fits well in line with this is Waldorf Education’s holistic view of the child, of the cycles of childhood and adulthood and how different capacities and truths are available for us to work with during different times as the child grows and matures. 

The things at the very core of Waldorf Education and Waldorf parenting as so applicable toward helping a child toward balanced healthy adulthood.  I write about this all the time on this blog.

My second thought is this:  it is not just attachment and love, it is about also about where we are as a parent.  Let me explain.

I think that whilst we don’t ALWAYS like our children, we always love them, and I think fostering the attitude that even if you make mistakes or  in the nine and up crowd that even if you make choices that are not stellar, we will always love you and support you is really important.

But I also think there is more to this than just attachment or fostering a feeling of unconditional love and warmth in our children.

It is also about us and where we are and what our inner self is holding on to.  We have to be so careful to not let our own baggage hold our children back.  We have to be so careful to not let our own fears hold our children down.  We have to be so careful and not confuse using our children’s childhood with healing our own inner childhood. 

I agree that attachment and dependency MUST be met; but I also agree that sometimes parents hold onto some phases past the point where it is healthy.

You see, I have seen so many parents who had the attachment part down really have severe trouble giving their children wings and allowing their children to tackle things independently, even if  a bit rashly, without standing over their shoulders saying, “Gosh, do you really think you should be doing it that way” or what have you.  Or trouble in that whilst they are “fostering dependence” as the authors speak about, it gets confused and mixed with the child having a  lack of responsibility where the older child does not participate in chores, or where the child does not ever have to give something up for the sanity of the family.

Instead of a bit of benign neglect or being in a side ring whilst the family as a whole is in the center ring, the child becomes not only the center ring of the circus but the ringmaster of the whole show.

In the book “Boundaries With Kids” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, the authors write, “ Your task as a parent is to help your child develop inside him what you have been providing on the outside:  responsibility, self-control, and freedom.”  And I would add love and compassion for themselves and for their fellow human beings and the things we as human beings have stewardship for. 

I think as attached parents and especially as homeschooling parents, we have to be okay with giving our older children some wings and some opportunity to make mistakes where the cost is small. 

We have to allow them to have some of those social experiences that teach them when they are bossy, their friends may not want to play with them.  We have to support them through the times when their old best friend has a new best friend.   If they are fearful, we have to still give them opportunities to try.  We have to give them opportunities to persevere through things they don’t want to do.  It is about more than attachment and  love for our child.  It is also about following through on the hard stuff. 

It is hard as a parent to watch a child struggle and yes, we do what we can to comfort and to help.  But sometimes we cannot fix everything, and part of life as a child is growing into one’s own power and one’s own ability to fix things, even if it starts out in an immature way and then grows.

That’s maturity.  What are you doing to foster maturity in your child this week?

Many blessings,

Carrie

“Hold On To Your Kids”–Chapter Nine

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The title of this chapter is “Stuck in Immaturity.”  Without even looking at the chapter, I have to giggle a bit at this title because those of you who have read this blog for a long time have seen my posts lamenting lack of meaningful rituals for American children as they transition into adulthood, how transforming into an industrial society has really prolonged adolescence in many ways, etc.  Yes, a society often stuck in immaturity!

The authors begin this chapter with two scenarios of two different children who are impulsive, unreflective, being rather off-the-cuff, not wanting to finish things, no aspirations.  The authors conclude by pointing out one of the children is only four, where these things are developmentally normal and to be expected, but the child in the other scenario is fourteen and his behavior has not changed remarkably since the preschool years. The authors dub this phenomenon as “preschooler syndrome” (and I giggled again!  Apparently I should have a glass of wine whilst reading this chapter to make it even more fun!)

The authors now make a point worth being serious about:  “Physical growth and adult physiological functioning are not automatically accompanied by psychological and emotional maturation.  Robert Bly, in his book The Sibling Society, exposes immaturity as being endemic in our society.  “People don’t bother to grow up, and we are all fish swimming in a tank of half-adults,” he writes.  In today’s world the preschooler syndrome even affects many children well past the preschool years, and may even be seen in teenagers and adults.  Many adults have not attained maturity – have not mastered being independent, self-motivated individuals capable of tending their own emotional needs and of respecting the needs of others.”

Yup, pretty much sums up what is going on with children today and also some adults that I see.  The authors see the main culprit causing this behavior as peer orientation.  “The earlier the onset of peer orientation in a child’s life and the more intense the preoccupation with peers, the greater the likelihood of being destined to perpetual childishness.”

I agree completely, but what I also see is parents really having a tough time parenting.  Parents having a tough time setting boundaries, slowing down enough to have a family life, really not understanding development or what tools go with what age.  I think in the “olden days’” there were mothers in the neighborhood to help with this, the children all played in  a group of littles down to bigs so you could clearly see a six year old was not like the twelve year old…All the things we are missing in our society right now.

Anyway, back to the book. 

The authors talk about the term “integrative functioning” and how maturity allows one to temper and to balance.  I love this; Waldorf Education is all about balance and finding the Middle Way, so  I find this fits nicely into my personal worldview.   The authors point out that maturity requires a sense of self to be separated from inner experience and how that is completely absent in the young child.  Again, this is a hallmark of Waldorf Education.

“The child has to be able to know that she is not identical with whatever feeling happens to be active in her at any particular moment.  She can feel something without her actions being necessarily dominated by that feeling.  She can be aware of other, conflicting feelings, or of thoughts, values, commitments that might run counter to the feeling of the moment.  She can choose.”

To me, the section that starts on page 115 “How Maturation Can Be Fostered” is an important one, the most important part and piece of this chapter.

“Dealing with immature children, we may need to  show them how to  act, draw the boundaries of what is acceptable, and articulate what our expectations are.  Children who do not understand fairness have to be taught to take turns.  Children not yet mature enough to appreciate the impact of their actions must be provided with  rules and prescriptions for acceptable conduct….”  but they go on to point true maturation cannot be rushed.  They give the example that to take turns is civil, but until a child develops a sense of fairness behind this action, they are not truly mature.  To say you are sorry in a situation is also civil, but until one understands responsibility for one’s actions there is no maturity.

So, what can we do as parents to foster maturity?  The authors write “The key to activating maturation is to take care of the attachment needs of the child.  To foster independence we must first invite dependence; to promote individuation we must provide a sense of belonging and unity; to help the child separate we must assume the responsibility for keeping the child close.”

Here is another quote: “The first task is to create space in the child’s heart for the certainty that she is precisely the person the parents want and love.”  Very lovely thought to meditate and ponder.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Families Who Shouldn’t Homeschool

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(PS>  Catherine had a great point below in the comment section; this post can sound negative if you read it the wrong way!  The concerns I have listed at the bottom with three more challenging types of situations does not mean you cannot homeschool!  I mean to encourage you and say you can do this, stop collecting curriculum and START! Do what you need to do to get support, but also do the work that YOU need to do for your family!!

Love to all! Carrie)

Do those of you who homeschool have this conversation all the time?

Stranger:  Where does your child go to school?

Mother:  We homeschool.

Stranger (fascinated and horrified at the same time):  Oh, I could NEVER do that.  I am not patient at all, and my children just don’t listen to me!

Really?

Your children never listen to you?

That is going to be really difficult and make for challenges throughout your parenting lifetime.

Patience?

Yes, homeschooling mothers can be patient, but I doubt if you rounded all of us up and tested us for an extra patience gene that we would be any different than the regular population.

The secret is that we have more opportunities to work on developing our patience.  That’s all.  If I need to develop patience, I can almost guarantee I will be put in more situations and opportunities where I can work to develop that trait.  No one said growth was easy!

Rudolf Steiner once said, “This is what causes one such heartfelt concern today, that people have not the least desire to know something.”  So, if you as a family are open to striving, to learning, to trying, to growing, to persevering, then homeschooling is for you.

You will develop your own will, you will learn so much about yourself, you will develop new abilities.  You will develop your family culture like never before and the ties with your children and the ties between your children will be stronger than ever.  Your children will learn not only academics, but practical life skills and they will assimilate your family’s values at a rapid clip.

However, I do feel there are two categories of families who can homeschool but that might need extra support.

One is the hopelessly disordered and chaotic family.  You have to be able to work out time to plan, and you have to have a plan. Planning will save you every time.  Even veteran UNSCHOOLERS plan to the extent that once they have identified their children’s passions, they bring their child to the library, they strew materials about their home, they plan experiences revolving around the children’s interests.  That takes planning!  I often hear mothers say this time of year that maybe they should just “follow their child’s interests, Waldorf (or Classical or whatever) is just too hard.  We should just unschool.”  If you need a break, take a break, but don’t fool yourself by thinking unschooling is no work.  The veteran Unschoolers I personally know work hard to help their children learn.

For Waldorf homeschooling families, I feel NOW is the time you should be matching a skeleton outline of blocks you are going to teach up with a calendar and start looking at resources for the fall.  You can then order your resources around March, have time to read through it all and plan over the Summer.  You need to do this even with an “open and go” curriculum.

The second category of families I worry about with homeschooling are those parents who are truly afraid to be an authority in their home.  A nice, loving authority, not a mean dictator, but an authority who has an idea what the rules of the house are, and what is acceptable and not acceptable.  I have so many, many posts on this blog about this.  This is so important.

Where is your Family Mission Statement?  What are your values, what are your rules?  What are you doing for inner work?  Are you actually home and working on developing your patience and strengthening your family ties together or are you just running around every day?  To  homeschool, you actually need to be home! What outside activities are your children involved in and do they really need to be involved in them?  I don’t think a child under six and a  half or seven really needs classes.  Children under four and a half or five  don’t need playdates either.  Waldorf Kindergarten used to traditionally start at four and a half years of age.  This still makes sense developmentally!

The third little thing I need to throw in is that I do worry a bit about the mothers homeschooling only daughters.  I think mother-daughter relationships can get really tangled and picky.  I am NOT saying I don’t think mother-only daughters should not homeschool, I am just saying this situation may require some extra planning so the whole thing doesn’t become too intense.  In this case, some outside experiences and play time and the like within a supportive community  may be helpful.

Just a few thoughts!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Celebrating Three Kings’ Day

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Merry Christmas to my Russian readers!  Many blessings on the Feast of The Theophany to my Orthodox readers!  And Happy Three Kings’ Day to those of you celebrating!

I wrote a post last year about Three Kings Day for your reading pleasure:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/12/the-magic-of-three-kings-day/ 

We celebrated today by leaving our shoes out on Twelfth Night and awakening to wondrous gifts left by the Three Wise Men this morning; we changed out our Nature Table to reflect The Three Wise Men as our theme for beginning to mid-January; we made a rice pudding and put three beans in it representing the Three Wise Men for those to find for good luck for the year.  We made stars for each of the three children with their names on them in glitter and have some beautiful origami stars hanging in our school room that my dearest friend made me for Christmas.  The one thing I did not get to do yet was to bless our home or take down our Christmas tree, so I am  running a bit behind there.  Smile  That is okay with me though  as my time right now is being devoted to chasing a toddler and homeschooling. 

I also was pleased to see a new “Three Kings and Epiphany E-Book”  from Eileen Straiton from Little Acorn Learning, Jennifer Tan from Syrendell and Jodie Mesler from Home Music Making over at Little Acorn Learning:  http://littleacornlearning.com/index.html  The beautiful star on the front cover of this e-book is like the strands I currently have hanging in my school room!  I am looking forward to reading it and planning out ideas for next year!

I hope you had a wonderful holiday season, and I am looking forward to a wonderful 2011 with all of you wonderful mindful mothers!

Many blessings,

Carrie