The Terrific Ten-Year-Old: A Developmental View

 

I keep expanding the developmental entries by age; now I have ages birth through age ten, plus many posts on adult development, under the development tag.  I hope many of you will find the developmental posts helpful for your children, yourself, and your families as you create a nurturing homelife.

 

It goes without saying that every child is an individual, and every child has a different rate of development. However, I have found works of individuals who have studied children to be helpful in my own parenting, so I pass these notes on to you so you can take what works for you.

 

I find it interesting that the wonderful Gesell Institute books that I like have separate books for each age, but once the age ten comes, the ages ten through fourteen are condensed into one book.  I think as my children grow and I observe more and more children in these ages, including teaching children of these older ages in different settings, than I will keep writing and add to the information out there. It seems to me that there is quite a bit for the younger years, and not nearly as much for the older years – both in parenting and in homeschooling resources.

 

Anyway, on to TEN!   Here are a few highlights that I picked out of ten-year-old section of the book, “Your Ten-To Fourteen Year-Old” by Louise Bates Ames, Frances Ilg and  Sidney Baker.

 

Ten year olds are known to really love their family and family life.  Most ten-year olds, even if they have bouts of sounding less than loving to their family members, really do love and respect and admire their parents, family activities, outings.  They love to play in their neighborhood, if they live in a neighborhood, and sometimes even get along with their siblings (sometimes not!).

 

They tend to be more happy than they were at nine, but at the same time, occasional physical outbursts of anger surface.   Occasional is a key word here, because ten tends to be an age of happiness for most ten year olds.   When provoked and angry, a ten-year-old can be immediate and violent. They may stamp their feet or shout or storm out of the room.   This book notes that, “Responding merely verbally also occurs, but less often than at following ages.  Though verbal, the responses are nonetheless violent – Tens yell, screech, call names…”   There is more about this on page 213 of this book for those who would like further reading.

 

 

Ten year olds tend to respect their teacher and work hard in school. They have many interests and are very active. “Ten moves around a great deal, often just for the sheer joy of movement rather than to conform to any special rules of a game. The sheer pleasure of exercising one’s body is enough”. Collections, making models, sewing, cooking, drawing and reading are all popular.

 

Ten-year-olds may not always know right from wrong at this point, as a passage in the book states, “A boy of this age will admit he cannot always tell right from wrong, so he usually goes by what his mother tells him. Or by what he learns in Sunday school, or possibly by what his conscience tells him.” A ten year old may also become teary and cry when angry, but it is one of the last really tearful stages. Ten-year-olds generally don’t have the best sense of humor nor the best ideas for jokes.  Fairness is still really important. 

 

Ten year olds are not yet aware of when they are tired and need to be reminded about bed.  Bedtime is generally between eight thirty and nine thirty at night according to this text.  Girls often have more trouble falling asleep than boys.  They tend to sleep through the night and boys tend to sleep longer than girls.

 

Many ten year olds do not like to bathe or wash, nor brush their hair nor their teeth.  Again, individuals may vary.  Ten year olds typically do not do a good job taking care of things – their rooms tend to be messy, their clothes may be on the floor, and they still need “considerable supervision” to get through daily routines.

 

Ten to eleven year olds girls may show signs of puberty by the eleventh birthday, many may be disturbed if there is no sign of breast development. Many girls of this age know about menstruation and sexual intimacy whereas a boy’s awareness of sex is typically not too far ahead and the physical maturity into manhood is slower than what girls experience.

 

So, many parents ask me, what is life like post the “nine year change”, that big developmental leap that occurs usually around the age of nine.  I think one major shift is that for many ten year olds, mothers again become the center of the universe.  I have seen in my own child and in other ten year olds a dramatic increase in wanting to sit on a lap, be held, be near.  Fathers also hold a very important role, and ten year olds love to do things with their fathers!  Sibling relationships with those between six and nine years of age can be rocky.  Ten year olds do love their friends as well, and are thrilled to have a special best friend too.  Boys tend to form larger groups of friends to play with than girls.

 

In our next post, I would like to take a peek at the age of ten from the viewpoint of a Waldorf educator.

Many blessings,

Carrie

“The Well-Balanced Child”–Chapter Two: Balance

 

 

I am determined to make a great deal of headway in this book for you all during the next several weeks.  You can find the back posts regarding the foreword, introduction and Chapter One here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/08/14/the-well-balanced-childintroduction-and-chapter-one/  and here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/07/28/the-foreword-of-the-well-balanced-child-movement-and-early-learning/

 

This chapter starts with two  case report of a little twelve year old girl who did everything “late” in life and a woman in her mid-forties who suffered from agoraphobia.  The common connection between the two cases was one of balance. 

 

From page 11:  “It was the late Paul Schilder’s belief, that many of the symptoms of neurosis and psychosis could be traced back to a fault in the functioning of the balance mechanism.  Why is balance so important that dysfunction can result in such a wide variety of symptoms, many of them masquerading as cognitive or emotional disorders?”

 

I have done some extra work in the area of vestibular rehabilitation, and I have seen the above quote to be true, particularly in my work with children.  Children who do not move well, who are unsure of their own bodies, are understandably more unsure of themselves in social situations, and often seem to hold more anxiety than children who are not suffering from movement issues.  Just an observation, no blind study research here.  Smile  Children with vestibular disorders are not nearly as clearly recognized as adults.  Some pediatric specialists believe the vestibular system being “off” has much to do with ADHD, and I remember in one pediatric vestibular course I took the presenter stated she felt children with symptoms of developmental delay, low vision, hearing loss, motor developmental delay, tinnitus, motion sickness or sensitivity, abnormal movements, clumsiness, decreased hand/foot/eye coordination, ataxia or falls, nystagmus of the eye,  problems planning or executing movement, loss of consciousness, seizures or vertigo/dizziness should all be evaluated for vestibular system function.  Children who seek movement or fear movement should also be evaluated.  Those children who have had chronic ear infections or a history of infant torticollis should also be seen.  

 

At any rate, this chapter goes on to discuss balance as the system to “facilitate orientation and postural behavior – the ability of the body to function within the force of gravity, or “to know your place in space.”  The knowledge of place in space provides the primary reference point from which  all other spatial judgments and adaptations  become possible.”  The vestibular system is different than other systems in the body though, because we often are aware of balance only through the other systems.  This chapter gives several examples of that:  rides at the fair that leave butterflies in the stomach, sea-sickness, vertigo when standing on the edge of a high cliff.

 

The next part of the chapter traces the origins of the balance system – the plaques that eventually become the inner ear start developing at 21 days gestation.   From my notes, at eight weeks the embryonic inner ear resembles the adult inner ear.  I don’t know as this chapter was really clear for layman in terms of the parts of the ear, so I wanted to add a few things here.  There is an outer ear, the part you see, a middle ear that is air-filled that a physician can look at with an otoscope in the doctor’s office, and there is an inner ear that is fluid-filled located in the temporal bone, which is part of your skull.    There are two vestibular organs called the saccule and the utricule, you can see a picture here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utricle_(ear) , which are covered with hair cells and contain otoliths, which are calcium carbonate coverings that detect linear acceleration and respond to gravity.  There are also three semicircular canals, just as the chapter here describes, which detect angular motion.  You can see a further description of this on page 14.

 

This chapter points out that balance is not something we “have”, it is something we do!   Balance and vision work together, balance requires muscle tone development and the development of postural control; hearing and touch also work with balance.  This is a lovely quote:  “The vestibular system may be the expert in movement, but it receives its training through movement.”

 

On page 17, the author notes, “Secure balance is inseparable from the development of postural control, which in turn is supported by information from the visual, proprioceptive, and motor systems.  Training of these systems is a gradual process during which maturation of the vestibular pathways involved will take until at least 7 years of age, and continue through puberty and beyond.  Immature vestibular functioning is frequently found amongst children who have specific learning difficulties such as Dyslexia and Dyspraxia, problems of attention, language impairment, emotional problems, and adults who suffer from anxiety, Agoraphobia and Panic Disorder.”  And, on page 18, “Children who continue to reverse letters, numbers, and words after the age of 8 years are also found to have immature balance.” 

 

The last few pages of the book are devoted to a list of how to train balance: up and down movements like jumping and jumping on a trampoline or going down a slide; to and fro – running, stopping, starting, swinging; centrifrugal force such as carousels; turning movements of the body such as spinning, dancing, rolling, somersaults and depth such as riding on a scooter board. 

 

The chapter ends with a list of signs and symptoms that may indicate problems with the vestibular system and mentions developmental delay, poor muscle tone, frequent falls, fear of movement, clumsiness, no fear of heights or excessive hear of heights, excessive spinning or rocking, poor sense of body in space in relations to others, cannot figure out how to push or pull or imitate movement, motion sickness over eight years of age, difficulty learning to ride a bike, etc.

 

A chapter with a lot of food for thought.  Look for Chapter Three in the next post!

The One Thing Every Parent Needs

…is joy!

If you can be joyful, you can be a fearless parent.  Instead of thinking in your head, “We did this right and we didn’t do that right  and we probably messed our child up forever” you will think, “My child will be okay no matter what because I am doing the best I can do, I made the best decisions I could make at the time with the information I had, and ultimately my child is my responsibility, but also my child doesn’t belong to me but to God.  And God has a plan, and it will be good!”

If you can be joyful, you can enjoy the more challenging developmental phases of childhood instead of wishing, hoping, praying, that they were over and done.  Joy meets life fully in the present.

If you can be joyful, you can give your child the very two essential components for growth that a child needs:  time and space.  You can step back, and not have to be there to navigate every single thing for your child, you can be more comfortable with child-inclusive but not child-led, you can be more comfortable with benign neglect.

If you can be joyful, you can stop complaining now.  Children are a joy and privilege and so is marriage.

If you can be joyful, you can live here in the now and like it.

If you can be joyful, you can see homemaking and housekeeping not as drudgery, but as the warm  nurturing love you have for your family expressed.

If you can be joyful, you can see the light of Christ in all of humanity and in the cosmic nature.  Look around you and be awed!

Change your thoughts, change your life. You can start today.

In Joy,

Carrie

Fourth Grade Local Geography Block

 

We started school on August 22, so we are finishing up our local geography block. It was a fun block, and one I expanded into covering our whole state.  I did this for two reasons:  my daughter really has a good knowledge of local things; a keen sense of direction and was already offering to draw maps of everything local before I even got there (Can I draw a map of my room?  Look, I drew a map of my neighborhood!) and because I really want to start to cover U. S. Geography so we can do Canada and Mexico next year.

I think one thing to consider in this block is how heavily you will employ history. Donna Simmons talks about this at length in her Fourth Grade Syllabus, and it was something I pondered greatly.  Geography, to me, doesn’t mean much unless we know how it impacted the people living there (or how the people impacted it). So, I tried not to go overboard, but did lay a foundation for a few future things in the process. This is how I did it: Continue reading

The Angry, Aggressive Six Year Old

I have written before about the really active, can-be-aggressive small child in several back posts of varying nature, but I had a few thoughts I wanted to share today. ( Please be sure to note I am dealing here with fiery temperaments, not especially with children dealing with sensory or developmental issues affecting behavior).

If you are struggling with a six year old who still seems rather “stuck” in immature behavior that involves physicality, I want to encourage you tonight.  It doesn’t seem as if people really talk about this at all in parenting resources; it seems it is well- assumed that tantrums or any physical response to a limit is over by age three.

From what I have seen, six year olds can definitely still have a hard time controlling their hands, their emotions, their reactions, their physical responses and such.  To those of us involved in Waldorf Education, this seems like of course!  Has anyone ever read the book “Ramona The Brave” by Beverly Cleary?  Here is a passage about fiery Ramona, six years old and in first grade at school, when she becomes completely angry at a classmate (for those of you who have not read this book it is a paper owl and Susan had copied what Ramona had done to make hers, which is why Ramona is angry in this chapter): Continue reading

Thriving In The Midst of It All

Life can be downright busy, no matter how simple we want it to be. No matter how simple we try to make it, the more people one has in a household, the more pets one has, the more community and obligations one has, the busier it can become.

And you can still love every minute of it and thrive in it.

My life, as many of you who personally know me, can get rather busy.  Sometimes it is my life that needs to be de-cluttered, not my things!  I fully admit to having a hard time saying no to things at church, or to friends who need something, or to my neighbors.  But the older I get, the more I realize how much I love community, how much I enjoy gathering those I love together and connecting those who I think really ought to meet each other for this reason or that.  And, the older I get, I get better at setting limits and seeing how things balance out.

It all can’t be perfect.  One cannot homeschool well, have the house be spotless, cook every single thing perfectly, have all the errands done, have a social life, have the children do things, and all the other things on the list. It just can’t happen, and I think we could all end up having nervous breakdowns trying to do it all…

So, I try to remind myself about seasons, in both the literal and more symbolic sense.  Continue reading

9/11 And The Atmosphere of Homeschooling

I think one thing that a mother brand new to homeschooling can hear, but not really wrap their arms around until they do it themselves, is that homeschooling is not school and that in homeschooling, the family life provides learning all the time.  Everything is an opportunity, and learning continues to happen during “school time” or not school time.

Much is being made around the Internet right now regarding the atmosphere of homeschooling – should it be an environment of learning opportunities?  grace? prayer?  Probably all of the above, correct?

But I have another idea rarely mentioned: I  suggest it be an atmosphere of love.  Love for your child and your family. Love for your Creator and a willingness to give the life of your family back to Him.    Love for your neighbors and your community.  Love for the way you homeschool and your way of living. Continue reading

Helping A Child Learn To Rule Over Himself

“Second only to learning how to bond, to form strong attachments, the most important thing parents can give children is a sense of responsibility – knowing what they are responsible for and knowing what they aren’t responsible for, knowing how to say no and knowing how to accept no.  Responsibility is a gift of enormous value….We’ve all been around middle-aged people who have the boundaries of an eighteen-month old.  They have tantrums or sulk when others set limits on them, or they simply fold and comply with others just to keep the peace.  Remember that these adult people started off as little people.  They learned long, long ago to either fear or hate boundaries.  The relearning process for adults is laborious.” – page177-178,   “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

“Sad at heart, the King stepped from behind the screen, took the Prince by the hand, and led him away from the school.  When they reached the royal palace, the King spoke thus to his son: “Anyone who has to be King someday and to rule over other people must first learn to rule over himself.” – From the short story “The Prince Who Could Not Read” in the book “Verses and Poems and Stories to Tell” by Dorothy Harrer

Helping a child learn to take responsibility for themselves is one of the hardest and most challenging tasks in parenting and also one of the most necessary. Continue reading

Fearless Parenting

Fearless parenting means seeing that the world is a good place and being able to unequivocally transmit this to our children.  Things may happen in life, things may happen in parenting, and yet things work out.  Life moves and the Creator is in the eddies and tidepools of the Cosmos.

If you think you are a fearless parent yet constantly have a barrage of how things “have” to be, if you think your child needs a perfect childhood with no stress in  order to achieve being an optimal adult, if things are so carefully orchestrated and everything has to be just so,  then  I would still say you are parenting out of fear and not being fearless.

Being fearless in parenting does not mean that we don’t protect our children, or that we throw our small children out to the wolves.  No  We do our best..  But this does mean that we establish communities of trust, that we trust and have an inherent sense that new experiences for our children will be good.  We also trust that our children will do the right thing as they grow into independence.  We are there to help, to encourage, to support, that we guide, but we cannot walk this journey for our children.  They have come here with their own gifts, their own talents from God, and He has a plan for their lives in His infinite wisdom that shall be good.

This sense of goodness is based upon reverence.  Reverence is well-established not only through a religious life, but  through the way we play out our own feelings of gratitude and our own feelings of awe and wonder at the world.  Continue reading

The Kiss of Death In Homeschooling

I referred to this in my last post about homeschooling struggles, but I wanted to expand on this a bit here:  the homeschooling kiss of death.  Actually, I think there are three possible kisses of death in our homeschooling experience. Continue reading