Some teens are excited and ready to drive in the United States, but the latest thing that many parents are lamenting is that their teen doesn’t want to drive or even attempt to get their license. This phenomenon has even hit mainstream news sources, like in this article by National Geographic. It is definitely a national trend that I don’t think has an end in sight. We are seeing a true shift that I think will last generations and may even extend as car technology changes.
I have read many of the articles on this subject, observed many of my teen’s friends, and have come up with some ideas of why this trend may be…
- Teens are working less. You might wonder what this has to do with driving, but hear me out. If the emphasis is placed on academic success rather than school being something one does in addition to other things, then the teen may not have the time or motivation to get a job due to so much homework and extra classes. If they don’t have a job, they may not have money to pay for gas or insurance, let alone to save up for a car. The teens I know who are driving the most have a job!
- Teens have more friends on-line and are dating less than previous generations. There is less reason to go out of the house. Teens are no longer going to the mall and hanging out – they can hang out and shop in their rooms. They may not be running out of the house to go pick up their girlfriend. The digital age has changed the landscape of adolescence forever.
- Many teens have anxiety ( I have read estimates that span anywhere from 10 to 25 percent of the teen population, depending upon what criteria is used), and the feeling that you could die or you could kill someone while driving a car makes driving a less than tantalizing proporition to many teens.
- There are alternatives – rides with friends, Uber, public transportation, walking, and yes….parents often started driving their children to activities at earlier ages, and are continuing, so why give that up?
Here are a few of my suggestions in dealing with reluctant teens –
I think the philosophy is always that the parents will do things for their children until the child can take it over for themselves. In general, this age might be determined just by readiness cues and seeing how responsibile the child is in doing what needs to be done under supervision and then independently. In the case of driving, the ability to drive is dictated by state laws, by learning new skills under supervision,by testing, and yes, I think by having incentive. So if your teen is reluctant to drive, perhaps have a conversation about expectations and what is holding your teen back. Are your expectations clear to yourself and to them?
If you want your teen to learn to drive, and they are already feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork and activities, you may need to clear some space so they have the time to learn to drive. It isn’t like cramming for an academic test. It requires time, space, practice.
They may not want to learn to drive with you. Or they may not want to learn with all their siblings in the car. Some will learn better with Driver’s Education, some will learn better with a trusted relative or neighbor.
Figure out the expectation for how to pay for gas, insurance, a car. These things can really hold teens back. If they have no car to drive or no way to pay for gas or insurance because they don’t have a job, what is the incentive for obtaining a license to drive?
Address anxiety. Sometimes having a timeline, a driving instructor, etc can help an anxious teen break things down into steps that seem doable. The idea of testing may also provoke anxiety. And as much as I hate to say it, I know people who never were comfortable driving and nearly always lived in areas where there was good public transportation available. It may be hard to think this way if you live in an area where good public transportation doesn’t exist, but that may be where your teen ends up as an adult.
Lower your expectations. Most of the new drivers I know are driving surface streets to school and back (probably a 5 miles radius) or to a job that is also within a five mile radius. Not every new driver is ready to drive all over the city. Think about where your teen would be okay driving when they do get their licenses. This is particularly important for homeschooling families, who many times do have classes or activities that are far away. If you goal is for that teen to drive to those far away things, your teen may or may not be comfortable with that as a new driver.
Would love to hear your thoughts,