I have been talking to so many people lately who are experiencing tremendous growth. They are building businesses, creating new loving relationships, experiencing an increased level of intimacy with their partners and children and more! It is very exciting, and so inspiring!
Yet, there is a certain group of people I hear from. For lack of a better word, they are stuck. I understand stuck; I had a fairly fallow period last year where I felt stuck for awhile. However, sometimes stuck can mean years in something that is like a never-ending cycle that the person can’t seem get out of. Of course, bad things can always, always happen to good people! However, we always have a chance for growth in how we respond, and by being open we are to change and growth. And I have found in talking with mothers and spouses and young adults, that this cycle often has identifiable patterns, if only one could see them.
We can always ask ourselves, “What area of my life am I “stuck” in right now?” We can look for substantial patterns by reviewing our own biography – where were our major life events, and when? Were the big things external or internal? Was I a mover and a shaker or did things just happen passively to me? What were my reactions to things? My reaction to stressful things?
Identifying that we are stuck, (and I think most of us have been there at one point or another, again, I know I have!) is only part of the battle. The other part of it is DOING something about it. And this is where I find most people have trouble. Because whether or not they want to admit it, there is some kind of pay-off to being stuck in the same patterns and cycles over and over. Maybe it is easier to withdraw rather than stand up. Maybe it is easier to not choose intimacy and vulnerability. Sometimes just being comfortable and not having to risk anything is enough of a pay-off. Sometimes being rigid is protective. I don’t know what the pay-off is for any particular reason; that is something that they must discover within themselves.
If we can identify patterns in our life, where we are stuck, and what our pay-off is, I think then we have a chance at changing. And in order to change, we have to be more open and more flexible than ever before. Some people are just not flexible or ready for growth. This step can take time. Sometimes this step can take the help of a really good counselor or other mental health care professional. Because if we are willing to grow, then we can think in the possibilities and in the positive mindset of growth. The most amazing things can and do happen!
Once we are open and ready for change, we can set goals, and then break those goals down. We may have to think in the smallest of steps. For example, what one step could I take today toward this goal that is now broken down into smaller steps? What are the few things I can do each day to make that one step happen? Realistically, what do I need to make the smallest of steps happen? Do I need support from a friend? Therapy? More money coming in? To free up time? To change my priorities? To put myself out into the world in a vulnerable position and accept that?
Don’t be stuck; get out of your own way and make your beautiful life happen. You have it in you! The possibilities are before you. ❤
Blessings and love,
Special thanks to my good friends S. and N. for many discussions on this topic!!
Thank you Carrie for helping me look at the notion of ‘ stuck’ in a new light.
I love the idea that we are constantly changing and growing through these moments, ‘ every cloud has a silver lining..’. I think coupling intimacy and vulnerability is interesting. We have an ancient site in our county which welcomes the winter sun on the 21st of December. I visited the site recently and felt the contrast between light and darkness and reflected on the benefits of the state of darkness- being aware of this and the coming into the light.
Blessing to you Carrie and thank you. I feel truly blessed to receive your posts.
Great article and so true! I have just left a chapter of my life where I felt very stuck, so I can relate very well.