RHYTHM. Does that word strike fear or guilt into your heart when you hear it? Rhythm should be something that is inherent to your particular family, and it should be a source of freedom, not any negative emotions. Kim John Payne opens this chapter by noting:
“Life today for most families is characterized more by randomness and improvisation than rhythm. Tuesday wash day? Cookies and milk after school? Sunday roast beef dinner? With both parents working outside the home, these kinds of weekly markers may sound more quaint than realistic. Family life today often consists of whatever is left over, in terms of our time and energy, when the “work” of the day is done. When I ask a mother or father to describe for me a “typical day” in their home, nine times out of ten they begin by saying there is no “typical”.
Just as there are inherent rhythms in the rising and setting of the sun each day and the change of seasons, there are rhythms inherent in us and our own bodies. Our families often too, hold their own inherent rhythms. Our children, in this often hectic world where children are pushed to be miniature adults, NEED rhythm more than ever. It is a source of dependability, a source of reliability and promotes the child’s feeling that the world, their world, is a safe and secure place! This is the essence of believing the world is a good place! This is also the first stirrings of boundaries and of family identity. Rhythm is what you do in your family.
Too often today children are the center of the family, a sun in which the parents orbit around the children’s desires (which is totally different from the what –I-want IS actually what-I –need in the years of being an infant!). Instead, family life, should be that needs of the whole family are set forth as a beautiful trajectory, yes, like the arc of the sun rising and setting in the sun, and the children find their places on the trajectory. This helps children find their own place in the family and the world. The children are part of something bigger than themselves. Rhythm is the thing that can most help with this arc.
This is also important from the viewpoint of simplification. Rhythm does not assume Continue reading