Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress. In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you: together. Read on for more…
“The Barna Group, a national research group devoted to studying the religious sphere, recently published the results of another long-term study in a book called Unchristian……But the single biggest take-away I gleaned from reading this book was the important difference between providing youth activities for children, essentially entertaining them and doing things for them, and actually including them in spiritually formative and meaningful ways or doing things with them.”
From “Orthodox Christian Parenting: Cultivating God’s Creation” by Zoe Press
I am reading this book right now, and this quote really struck me as being indicative of what we have done to the lives of our children in modern society. It has turned into entertaining our children through activities outside the home. We talk to children as if nothing of import can go on within the home and family, but instead we wait for the big day for the child to move beyond the family by attending school, by being able to do x, y and z. And yet, in order for children to have a firm footing in not just childhood, but in the teenaged years especially, we need to be be WITH our children and do things WITH our children. The quote above applied to religious matters, but really also applies to life with children.
If you are having trouble with yelling at your children, then I suggest that you look at TOGETHER. How are you together with your children and are you present? When would that happen? What is interfering in that? Too many outside activities? What do you do together to build positive memories of time spent together? How are you passing your values on to your children through your actions and through time together?
If you are yelling at your children, perhaps you need more time together to solve that challenge, not less.
I invite you to consider this.
Many blessings,
Carrie
The Parenting Passageway 
My thoughts exactly. Terrific quote that can easily be applied to many areas of life beyond religion.
Hello Carrie,
I have been following your posts intently since the beginning of this series and I could not agree with you more on pretty much all the previous posts and this one.
One thing I would like to say to some of your readers as well, is when you as a mother specifically feel out of control at times, is that it could have also to do with your age and specifically with your hormones.
I have discovered this in the past 4 -5 months. I have been having problems with stress that I could not seem to control within myself and could get all worked up about the smallest thing, things that previously did not affect me at all. I started to wonder what was wrong with me, because it was obvious that something was out of line.
I discovered it was my hormones, I have entered per-menopause and I felt all out of sorts. Since I have been taking some herbal supplements for the past few months I am so much more balanced and relaxed, it is unbelievable, even my children have commented on this, so this can make a big difference. We are all so much happier.
Maggie
I saw a perfect example of this in a tv show earlier. A home improvement show surprisingly. They were designing an over-the-top room for a little girl which should have been so magical and like a dream come true. The mom throws a spa party for the girl and her friends to “distract her” while it is being done. Think of how extravagant the parents have to be each time to top the previous activity. I think it can set a child up for disappointment and an inability to enjoy the small things in life if that becomes the norm.
Yes, can’t remember the source but I read recently that our homes have changed from a place of production to a place of consumption. Actually I think the more our homes are a place of consumption the less we connect and, with all that stuff accumulated, the less we want to be in them. I am trying really hard this year to turn my, albeit small, house and garden into a place of work. This is my family’s work – there is the veggie patch to tend, the wildlife garden to maintain, the walls to paint, the washing to get done, good meals to cook and so on. I think this was normal thinking years ago but now requires a huge shift in perspective because we too as adults have been brought up in a culture of expecting to be entertained (the TV becomes the altar of the house) and also, through our education system, a culture of knowing rather than doing and even being ‘done to’ rather than doing and working things out ourselves. I also realise the more stuff I have the more exhausted I feel and the more I feel I just have to sit down and relax (or avoid?). So I’m getting rid of stuff on a major scale which means that cleaning the house then becomes a pleasure rather than a fight through the clutter. Once we get into this ‘work’ the home becomes a place of satisfaction, a good job done, self esteem raised etc and entertainment and going out can take their rightful (decreased) place. Sorry, Carrie, bit of a ramble – I’m not very good at writing my thoughts!
Excellent Excellent Excellent Article Carrie! Beautifully said. God Bless you, Linda