Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress. In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you: love. Read on for more…
It takes courage to create the family you want, and to create yourself as the parent you wish to be. The main underpinning for all the actions is love: the love of a parent for a child.
I don’t know many parents who have children and plan to become disconnected from and angry with their children. Yet, in a society that often encourages the separation of children from the family under the guise of socialization and independence, it often happens. In a society that encourages tuning out and passive entertainment over real presence with real people, it often happens. We are a society that seems to have forgotten what children and what childhood is all about. We are a society that often celebrates the attachment of our children to other peers rather than an attachment to, and as part of, the family unit.
If you are struggling with anger towards your children, I am here to tell you that your love as a parent for your child is the way to reverse this. It is the road that underlies increased patience and calmness. If you can go and look at your children whilst they sleep and see how very small and innocent they truly are, if you can think of them in their best moments, if you can see where your love molds and shapes their hearts, you can do this.
You are being attentive through the use of an accountability partner and the use of a journal. You are looking not only at times of stress, overwhelm, and anger, but when you are your best self with your children.
Now is time to move into laying the foundation of the family: love. Author Ursula K. LeGuin once wrote:
Love doesn’t sit there like a stone
It has to be made like bread,
Remade all the time,
Made new
What are you doing anew each and every day to make love in your home? Every child and every person has a different love language, but I can tell you that for most children their love language will include “quality time” as at least one of the languages.
Ideas for quality time:
Be outside together and play and be active
Teach your children how to do something, from how to bake bread to tying shoes to how to fix things around the house
Cook together and eat meals together
Read a book together
Tell stories together
Create traditions for the day, week and year together
Take your children places
Snuggle together
Listen. Let them talk and listen.
Play games together – play their games!
Roughhouse and play backyard sports together
Do arts and crafts and woodworking together
Take children with you on an errand to the farmer’s market, the dump, the home improvement store
Work as a family together
Share your spiritual traditions together
Take one child out to breakfast
Have a date once a week
Let the child choose how to spend time with you
Share your favorite ways to show love and unhurried time with your children in the comment box. This is the best place to focus your attention this week, as love is the connection that leads to more love and less anger. It provides the well that you can tap into when anger threatens to rear its ugly head. Love is the strongest power of all.
Many blessings,
Carrie
The Parenting Passageway 
Profound and on point- thank you!
While we have struggled with the option for homeschooling like many others, mostly because of financial constraints, I was fortunate to go to a homeschool graduation last year and oh it moved me! The parent-child relationship was just beautiful and close and connected and so right! It reinforced and inspired us to continue on the path that we both have conviction in–just need to take one step at a time.
I love reading in bed, all together in the morning. I try not to rush washing, getting dressed or bedtime, but rather lingering sometimes at the bedside to listen more, say less. We sit at the table long after dinner some nights, with the children on our laps. I have twins so it is especially important and challenging to separate them (for 1:1 outings, dates, etc.) at times and now that they are 5, we are trying to do it every now and then. It is so special to have that time with each of them…On Thursdays we have a time where each gets to do whatever they’d like with me- draw, read, play a game, sing while the other has her quiet time and then we switch. I leave them little notes something simple and a drawing by their bed or at the table on the weekend. They treasure these little sketches, sometimes just a heart with their name or a moon and stars — it is amazing.
I love your suggestions and just tonight was talking about how I’d like to do more rolling around outside and silly play!
Sheila
I love your ideas, Sheila! Thanks for sharing!
I just love love love that quote and the reminder of sleeping faces and focusing on the love!! I needed that more than ever today. You continue to inspire and motivate me in so many ways, Carrie!! Thank you!
This is so true for me. I find that when I’m overwhelmed with too much to do or too many expectations of what I should be able to get done in a day, I get angry with my daughter’s requests and I loose that love connection. As I’ve made more space in my life recently I’ve been surprised by how much my daughter is expressing a need for me – my attention, my touch, and just being together.
We are slowing down, spending more time at home, doing less and enjoying it more. Sometimes it appears that absolutely nothing gets done in a day but in reality I am caring for and feeding two small children (and a husband!) and that’s a lot.