“Love And Anger: The Parental Dilemma”–End of Chapter 6

The very last part of this chapter is entitled, “The “Special” Child Challenge”.  It opens with a scenario about a little boy called Eben who was born prematurely and as a result had faced a variety of physical problems that lasted into childhood and affected his ability to play and participate in everyday life.  His mother related how she tried so hard to hold it all together in front of him that she realized she never showed him some of her authentic emotions. 

Many of the long-time readers to this blog  know that I was born prematurely (and my husband was as well!), we also  have one daughter who was born prematurely and my work as a neonatal physical therapist involved feeding and development for infants in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.  Children who are facing special challenges, whether these be physical or emotional or spiritual (and how can we tease every thing out so separately!  It is all part of the holistic human being!) are very close to my heart.

This chapter points out “many parents [of children with challenges] admit that the deeply felt emotions of rage, unfairness, and resentment never completely go away.  Even the strongest parents could find their anger triggered anew by a reminder that their disabled child would never experience – or share with them-the normal daily pleasures.”

The authors go on to point out that the anger some parents experienced lessened once they could let go of the “why” and the need to find answers and move more into acceptance and the realization that this challenge, whilst sad and upsetting at times, it is only a small part of the essence of the child.   The  child is bigger than “only” the disability or challenge.

I have known many parents and families whose children have had challenges that have been walking a long road in helping to heal their children.   I wondered how you felt about anger, special challenges, and what helps.

Many blessings,


2 thoughts on ““Love And Anger: The Parental Dilemma”–End of Chapter 6

  1. Lyra was born 5 weeks early. She weighed 6.5lbs and the doctors refused to accept that she was early, or jaundice. She was seen at 7 days, after my calls that something was wrong were ignored. I was told the problem was with my nursing but they would check the bili anyway. Later that day, as I was trying to force feed a child on the brink off death- I was called to go to the ER. Her bili was 29. After a double exchange transfusion ( watching all that precious blood I’d made for her dumped) and two weeks at hopkins,trying to get her to breath on her own, along with other painful horrors- we were sent home to wait. The doctors we very honest about what my daughter might face. They admitted that she had been very very sick, and that honesty was the saving grace. I went home and immediately started physical therapy research. She did have some tone problems and mostly on the right side. We were aided by infants and toddlers, a wonderful program we have in our state to help any young child with any delay. We still have trouble with the right side but its not too noticeable. I hate to see her struggle with this ( running, swimming, jump roping are hard). I have considered, and even made appointments, for her to go to kennedy Kreiger and see the specialist. But I realize this will serve little purpose. We have seen different doctors each year ( from every specialty), and they all insist that what I am doing with her is what should be done. Going to the other doctor will just give me a more firm diagnosis. It will give me the proof I need to fuel my anger at her original doctor ( and I need little help with that). The only way to “cure” what ails her now would be very regular and invasive therapy. I know it is better for our lives if I continue to bring her therapy within our home and our rhythms, so they are just a part of her life. But this was a very difficult decision. It took a lot of meditation to realize that this would not be giving up, or shorting her in some way. Now she is old enough to realize she has trouble with some of these things and she works to challenge herself ( and then throws the jump rope, and stomps off!). But we are making progress. But I still fear running into that first doctor. I will bump into her someday. She was one of my own childhood doctors. She really, really broke my trust. Not only in her, but she made me question myself. I was a very young new mother, with fabulous instinct, and she made me question that instinct. But that, is something that never, ever happened again.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story…I think you have summed up what many parents go through in adjusting to life with a child with challenges, and how to balance therapies and such with just plain living.
      Many, many blessings,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.