Monthly Archives: March 2011

Personal Development In Parenting–Part Two: Biography and Balance

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Parenting can be challenging.  Some parents actually have children that I feel are pretty easy to parent, and some parents  have children that are truly challenging.  However, how we view and respond in parenting, like anything else in life, begins with us.  How calm are we?  What is our temperament?  What are our challenges?  What are our triggers? 

But, most of all, how can we grow and strive and improve? 

I think there are two fundamental places to start in personal development in parenting: one is biography and one is assessing  balance in your life. 

Biography is the process of looking at oneself, one’s story.  What patterns are in our life when we look back through it?  What responsibility have I taken for my own life, my own actions?  How do I accept myself, meet myself?  What people have I really connected with during this lifetime?

Can I think about my life?  What do I remember?  Can I put them within seven year cycles as talked about in “Tapestries” by Betty Staley?  We went through “Tapestries” chapter by chapter on this blog; fascinating!

What  do I feel about these events?  What empathy do I have for myself, for others connected to my story?  To other’s stories?

What can I do with this for the future?  What goals do I have? 

Biography is the first piece in knowing oneself and in being able to do that in order to connect with others.  It is the first step too, toward looking at your parenting patterns.

The other critical piece, I feel, is balance.  I see so many mothers that seem either to only live for their children with no thought for themselves or their spouses or go the other way and the children are deemed almost an afterthought or an inconvenience.  Where is the balance?

Where is the balance between the outer and inner selves?  The outer self, the physical body, is often seen by many as diminishing in the 40s…but this doesn’t mean that the physical body should be ignored.  Too often I see mothers who seem to not take great care of themselves.  You are important to your family, and your body is an important part of who you are!  Vibrant health, physical activity, clothes that make you feel good and influence how you feel – what is the place of all of these things for you?

The inner self is the other part that is equally important in this balance.  This is the piece people seem to  think about in regards to personal development more often than biography or balance.  How does one develop the inner self?  We tend to think of developing certain characteristics such as patience or calmness; we may look to spirituality and religion to help us meet those goals.   I feel if spirituality is our attitude and concern toward  the Divine, then perhaps religion is the way we express that.    

One thing that has helped me immensely in developing my inner self  is the use of rhythm in the day, the week, the year.  Liturgical rhythm through my religion.  Meditation on what I hear from God  and prayer to God.   These pieces, along with nurturing the physical body and the use of art, help keep me in balance. 

Our personal development impacts our health, and our health in turn provides the foundation for our family. 

Biography and balance.  Just a thought for today with a bit more about inner work to come in the next post.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Personal Development in Parenting–Part One

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In parenting and education, we recognize that every individual brings not only a hereditary history with him or her but also an individuality. Waldorf Education recognizes the individuality in each and every child that exists from before conception and birth and recognizes that each child has a personal destiny.  I guess a Christian perspective of this would be that God knows the child before the child is born and that the child has a destiny.   

Throughout this time of childhood we are working with the whole child, with  every aspect of the child – body, soul, spirit. We work with things from the most physical to the most mysterious and strive to be continually conscious of being an upright moral example that the child can imitate. We work to not provide hindrances to the child’s development.  We also work to provide an environment conducive to development, a protected environment for optimal development of the 12 senses and the child, but yet one where the child can develop unhindered

In the second lecture of “Curative Education”, Steiner talks about The Pedagogical Law in which it is who we are that teaches and educates; how children can perceive the gesture behind our words. Steiner lectured about the great responsibility we have when we raise small children. 

In the lectures compiled in “Soul Economy”, Steiner said in the lecture regarding children before the seventh year:  ”Anyone in charge of young children – especially those who work in children’s homes- who is aware of the activity of destiny must ask, Have I been specifically chosen for the important task of guiding and educating these children?  And other questions must follow: What must I do to eliminate as far as possible my personal self, so I can leave those in my care unburdened by my subjective nature?”

This can be a tall order where sometimes just surviving in parenting is where we are – and maybe just where we should be if we have children under the age of five.  It can be a tall order where things don’t go the way one wants them to; this happens to ALL of us because we are human!  Raising children is hard work!

One thing I think that can help, though, is this idea of non-judgmental self-review (um, the key is non-judgmental, to view yourself and your actions through the eyes of being a friend to yourself).  Here is a wonderful article about self-review for the teacher that would work equally well for parents of small children:  http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/GW57schweizer.pdf

I do love how this article asks us to look at ourselves and what we do during the day with our rhythm, our work and the children.  But, remember, do forgive yourself if things were not what you wanted.  Self-forgiveness and striving (and asking for help when you need it!) is so important.

During this season of Great Lent I wonder how we can work with both  our physical body and our spiritual body in order to benefit our families.  Like all things in Waldorf parenting and education, balance is a primary goal.  Dogma and rigidity is not.  Finding the Middle Way is of great import. 

Our next post will deal with concrete ways to work with our own physical and spiritual lives.  You must want to do this work, but we must be careful to maintain balance as we strive.

More to come.

Many blessings,

Carrie

“Hold On To Your Kids”–The Last Chapter

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We have arrived at the last chapter in the book “Hold On To Your Kids:  Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers” by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate.  The last chapter is entitled, “Re-Create The Attachment Village”.   The authors paint the picture in the opening of this chapter that many of us grew up in  places where neighbors knew one another, children could play within the neighborhood and be watched over by any number of parents….and how this has disappeared for many of us today. 

The authors talk about creating attachment villages and the importance of children feeling at home with the adults we entrust them to.  “In traditional attachment communities a child never had to leave home – he was at home wherever he went.  Today’s children also shouldn’t have to leave home, or at least the sense of being at home with the caring adults, until they are mature enough to be at home with their true selves.”

The suggestions of the authors include:

  • Valuing adult friends who have an interest in  our children and foster our children’s relationships with these adults. 
  • Create traditions that connect our children to extended family.
  • Have socializing that includes children, not separating them.  “As much as possible, we should be participating with our children in villagelike activities that connect children to adults whether through religious or ethnic centers, sports activities, cultural events, or in the community at large.”
  • Introduce our children to other trusted adults in a way that confers an “attachment blessing.” 
  • Work with blended families – “We need to turn what may seem to be either/or relationships into this-and-that relationships.” 
  • Making sure we connect with our children’s friends – insisting on greetings, introductions, keeping the children in a common area, and cultivating relationships with the parents of your children’s friends. 
  • I liked this quote:  “Every parents needs a supporting cast, and the less one exists naturally, the more it needs to be cultivated by design.”

This book study has come to a close; the other books I have done chapter-by-chapter in the past include “Tapestries” by Betty Staley and “Discipline Without Distress” by Judy Arnall.

Our next chapter-by-chapter book will be “Love and Anger:  The Parental Dilemma” by Nancy Samalin with Catherine Whitney.  You can see the book here:  http://www.amazon.com/Love-Anger-Parental-Nancy-Samalin/dp/0140129928/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1299692496&sr=1-1

Many blessings,

Carrie

Lenten Ideas

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Let’s back up a moment and start with what I wrote last year.  Here is part of last year’s “Lent in the Waldorf Home” post in case you have not seen it before.  I think the words and spirit of it still ring true: 

“I love this quote from “Waldorf Education:  A Family Guide” as edited by Pamela Johnson Fenner and Karen L. Rivers:

“As Steiner writes in “Spiritual Bells of Easter, I”:

Festivals are meant to link the human soul with all that lives and weaves in the great universe.  We feel our souls expanding in a new way during these days at the beginning of spring…It is at this time of year, the time of Passover and Easter, that human souls can find that there lives…in the innermost core of their being, a fount of eternal, divine existence.

If we can begin to penetrate the cosmic significance of the mystery of this season, the rebirth of nature, the freeing of the Israelites, and the death and resurrection of Christ, we begin to understand that Easter is as A.P. Shepherd writes.”…the Festival of the spiritual future of humanity, the Festival of Hope and the Festival of Warning.”

Shrove Tuesday was this week.  This day grew from the practice of obtaining absolution –to be “shriven” or “shrove” before the forty-day fasting of Lent.  Years ago, this was a very strict dietary fast and meat and eggs and milk were used up before Lent started.  Pancake-making and tossing was often tradition on this special day, and I am sure many of you are familiar with the custom of Carnival (Karneval in Germany) leading up to Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. 

Ash Wednesday began with the practice of wearing a sackcloth for Lent and covering one’s head with ashes. 

“All Year Round” has this to say:”Lent has been kept as a time of penance, of strict self-denial, and for contemplating the sufferings and temptations of Jesus Christ as he fasted forty days in the wilderness.  Nowadays, the imposed strictness of Lent has been largely relaxed, and more emphasis placed on using the time to strengthen the inner life through spiritual education or appropriate self-discipline.  The long fasts of Lent and Advent were once used to make pilgrimages or “progresses” to holy places.  The word “progress implies not only the outer journey, but also the inner journey of the pilgrim – his progress in self-development.”

So, without further ado, here are some traditional ways to celebrate Lent:

  • Fasting and eating cleansing foods such as dandelion, nettles, leeks, chevril.  In anthroposophic terms, we talk about doing this as an example for children for this season.
  • Spring Cleaning!
  • Spending time away from outer stimulation and more time with an inward focus.
  • For a young child, “All Year Round” recommends spending time with your child each day doing one small thing to develop a Lenten mood.  This could include sitting together and listening to the birds sing in the morning in silence, taking time to look for the moon each night.
  • Decor:   a small unlit candle, bare twigs on the Nature Table, a bowl of dry earth or ashes on the Nature Table (you could plant seeds there on Palm Sunday so something grows during Holy Week).
  • Celebrate “Mothering Sunday” –the fourth Sunday in Lent was traditionally  when young people working away from home were given the day off to visit their mothers.  Traditional gifts include Sinnel Cake (like a fruit cake) and violets.

Some of the traditions we have include eating pancakes on Fat Tuesday (Shrove Tuesday), setting up our Nature Table as above, eating cleansing food and reducing certain components of our diet, participating in a Bible study for Lent (this year I am studying a part of the book of Psalms), reducing computer time and spending more time together as a family.

One craft to consider for yourself this time of year is wet- on- wet watercolor painting.  I painted the other night for an hour or so, making purple from red and blue.  It is very meditative and calming to do this, and the pictures you paint can then be cut into crosses for your Nature Table, or you can make a transparent part in your paintings with tissue paper of different colors.”

Here are some resources I am using this year:

The Anglican response for a carbon fast during Lent:  http://www.tearfund.org/Campaigning/Carbon+Fast.htm  and the day-by-day carbon fast calendar here:  http://www.tearfund.org/webdocs/website/Campaigning/CarbonFast09/Carbon%20Fast%20Flyer%202011.pdf

Collecting alms for the Episcopal Relief and Development “Basics For Life”:  http://www.er-d.org/GiftsForLife/4/65/

Readings from the Church Fathers:  http://www.monachos.net/content/lent

I am going to make this calendar with the children today:  http://thesefortydays.blogspot.com/2008/02/project-lenten-calendar.html

We will also bury the alleluia:  http://fullhomelydivinity.org/Lenten%20customs.htm

A Round-Up of Lenten Resources:  http://www.worship.ca/easter.html  and here:  http://anglicansonline.org/special/lent.html

We will make an Easter Garden as well.

One of the main things I have done this year is to make my calendar as empty as I can so I have time to pray, time to study the Bible, time to do my readings of the Church Fathers, time to be present in the small things, time to thank God for his blessings.  This has been my main resource this year: creating that time to be present in Lent.

Many blessings,

Carrie

A Lenten “Rule of Life”and A Parenting Plan for Renewal

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Lent begins this week, a time of spiritual journeying.  Where are you going in your spiritual life and your parenting life right now?  I have some ideas and suggestions for you in this post to ponder and meditate on.

I have been thinking about Lent as this spiritual journey.  In the Episcopal tradition, we think of preparing for Lent and Lent as this spiritual journey in preparing for Easter.  On any journey, one would pack bags and prepare for travel. Lent is much the same way; we use something called “a rule of life” to prepare for Lent and Easter.   There is a lovely article about what this entails here: http://fullhomelydivinity.org/articles/Preparing%20for%20Lent.htm   but the main components for Lent include:

**Self-examination and repentance and specifically attempting to reconcile with those we have hurt or alienated throughout this year  (also the use of sacramental confession to a priest)
**Prayer, fasting, and self-denial
**Reading and meditating on God’s holy Word.

In parenting, I wonder what creating a ‘rule of life” for Lenten parenting would look like for you?

Would your self-examination of yourself led you to reconcile with yourself?  Would it lead you to forgive yourself for not being perfect?  Would it lead you to forgive your partner for not being perfect?  Would it lead you to a Family Mission Statement or a parenting plan to do things better?  Anglicans have a strong belief in responsible freedom.  How will you be responsible in making yourself better in setting the tone for your family? 

If you fast and deny yourself, can you deny yourself negative self-talk?  Complaining?  Too much explanation to small children?  Can you take up a journey of prayer and meditation?  Can you focus on finding a spiritual path even if you do not have one currently?

In reading and meditating, can you read something spiritual that is uplifting to you?  Can you read something positive that will help you in your parenting?  How can you renew and refresh yourself after the long dark days of Winter?

More about Lenten parenting and Lent traditions tomorrow.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Wonderful Links and FREE Resources to Check Out!

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A big thank you to Cypress over at Cypress Space (http://bobbinsandbrambles.blogspot.com/)  for alerting me that Joan Almon’s “Overview Of The Waldorf Kindergarten”   is available as a free e-book:http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/overview1.pdf   
This little pink book is wonderful; I highly encourage those of you with young children to read it!

There are two other free e-books also available from the on-line Waldorf Library.  The first one is WECAN’s  “Working With the Angels” available here: 
http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/GW2workingangels.pdf  and a new one I have recently read called “Developmental Signatures”:  http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/DevSig.pdf  

I also would like to point out the wonderful, truly wonderful post by Kara Fleck regarding the nine year old and homeschooling, called “The Nine Year Old Is The Lesson”:   http://www.rockingranola.com/2011/03/nine-year-old-is-lesson.html  Homeschooling at its finest!

And here is a call for mothers who are homeschooling Fourth Grade in Waldorf Education to share resources and ideas for local geography and history:  http://naturenest.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/do-you-have-any-local-geography-or-history-resources-you-can-share/

Finally, the last thing I wanted to share is that I am presently reading five lectures by Michaela Glockler, MD called :  “A Healing Education:  How Can Waldorf Education Meet The Needs of Children?”  This little book contains five very interesting lectures. 

I have written A LOT this year about discipline, authority, developmental stages and I  would like to spend some time in March  focusing on Waldorf homeschooling and how I believe an education inspired by Steiner’s ideas about development could be helpful for children in the home environment.

Many blessings,

Carrie