Those of you who read this blog know how very important I think the state of your marital union is for setting the tone in your home and for the health of your children in their future relationships. I have written quite a few blog posts on marriage, on challenges in marriage, and once a year I write on my own marriage. Here is the post from last year, on the 21st anniversary of our first date: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/10/01/happy-anniversary-to-my-husband/ . Today is our 18th year wedding anniversary and time for another post!
By the way, I am not certain I really do have “secrets” about having a good marriage, but I think I have learned some things about marriage, at least about my own marriage, in these eighteen years. I am sure you all have your own thoughts on what makes a great marriage, and please feel free to share your ideas in the comment box below!
Here are a few of our ideas for a happy marriage:
My husband says the biggest secret for him is to “take marriage seriously, but to be able to laugh at yourself and with each other.” HUMOR and WARMTH are really big in our house from laughing in the middle of a fight to giving each other compliments to just enjoying being together and little jokes. Humor and warmth are huge. Physical touch is definitely part of this warmth: hand-holding, back rubs, close space, and yes, intimacy. All of these things are huge.
Faith and praying together really strengthens our marriage. When my husband knows the children and I are praying for him when he is in a big presentation or meeting, it lifts his spirits and we all feel connected to each other and to our Creator.
Seeing the best in each other. We all have faults and flaws, but if we can love each other through that and make allowances for that knowing we are human, then love and forgiveness and striving for more can enter the feeling life of the home. Respect for each other and respect for even the differences in our opinions makes life flow.
Working together is what makes our marriage thrive; being able to solve problems together and work toward solutions together through good communication and having a positive attitude (there is that humor and warmth again!). Part of working together means surrendering the notion that you are always right, that you always know best and being able to make space for ideas that involve both of you.
We have nights were we are engrossed in reading or writing or doing our own thing, but we also have nights where we are engrossed in being together. Spending lots of time as a family works well for us as we enjoy being together.
A happy marriage is the bedrock of a happy family.
Much love to you and yours today,
So refreshing to read this – it’s so easy being focused on being a good mother, and forgetting to be a partner. Thank you!
I could not agree with you more Carrie!
We will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this year at our house.
Two things that I would add, that are very important for us is that we are each others best friends as well as partners in a marriage and parents.
Besides respect the other thing that we give each other is the space and freedom to be by ourselves, have our own hobbies, can develop ourselves etc. and know that our partner will understand us and will be supportive of us.
Happy Anniversary to you and your husband!
These were excellent points, thank you! And Happy 20 years to you and your husband!
Happy Anniversary, wishing you many more happy years.
Wow. I’m humbled by this. And…sigh, reminded that my own marriage needs some serious work. I’m a big “inner work” person; my husband is not. Soo, I think the step for us is to get some professional support to help us be the best we can be together. Making the call is on me to do, and I haven’t done it. For someone who loves the unknown, loves change, and doing the work, I find it odd that I am avoiding making a call to improve my marriage.
It is hard work, it is challenging work..and it will change your life and the lives of your children in so many positive ways! I encourage you!
And…just as a “sneak peak”…please do look forward to August in this space. 🙂 I won’t say any more right now :)/
Congrats! I am right on your tail as we will be celebrating out 20th anniversary in Sept.. I agree with all you said and after 20 years Humor is a must! LOL
It is easy to pick and see all the faults in each other, but that just tears the union down. Reinforcing the good and growing and evolving together is what it is all about.