Sleep and rest are extremely important cornerstones of Waldorf parenting and education, Today we are looking at the areas of sleep and rest.  Waldorf Education is the only educational method I know that takes that old adage, “Sleep on it, “  and moves it into the realm of learning as a true aid and help.  But outside of its educational value, sleep and rest seems to be one area that many parents seem to struggle with, especially attachment parents.  If one goes to any of the attachment parenting groups and forums on the web, inevitably sleep disturbances come up as topics.  I do think that parents who have young children, especially those children under the age of six, are often just tired no matter what way they parent!  So, let’s take a closer look at sleep today and see if we can improve things for all members of the household!

First of all, what a very Waldorf perspective gives us (and I think reading biological studies of sleep in infants, children and those in primitive societies back this up as well!) is that a small child may be born without much rhythm to their sleep and wake cycles. Continue reading →

“Hatching” or “cross-hatching”  is a term often used to denote a kind of drawing technique where there is “ a rhythmic back and forth with a stick crayon or colored pencil.  Standing up to draw sometimes makes the production of tones more beautifully balanced.  If you are right-handed, the stroke that should feel most comfortable is diagonal from upper right to the lower left and back up again.  When finished, the tone should appear as if it were floating up out of the paper itself, and should be barely perceptible, with a slight darkening in the center…”  (page 8, “Drawing From The Book of Nature” by Dennis Klocek, available through various  Waldorf booksellers).  This drawing technique is typically taught to fourth graders and up in Waldorf schools.

I was practicing this technique the other night; a woman in my Foundation Studies class had drawn a gorgeous oak tree inside an acorn and I wanted to try to with this hatching technique. Mine didn’t turn out nearly as well as hers, Continue reading →

The theme for today is to take time for yourself to become the mother and wife you deserve to be! I see so many mothers who are feeling burned out at best and miserable at worst. They are wearing so many hats (see this post here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/22/how-do-i-take-off-one-of-these-hats/ ) and feel isolated, alone, and many times unsupported by their spouse or significant other. I wrote a post with some suggestions about this some time ago: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/06/making-yourself-a-priority-in-the-parenting-equation/.  It has many suggestions for overcoming burnout and dealing with depression. Please do read it if you have not read it before.

I think the one valuable thing to consider in taking time for yourself is your physical health. If you are constantly feeling anxious, irritable and on edge, it may be worth it to see a healthcare practitioner regarding the evaluation of your endocrine system.  In the book “Mother Nurture:  A Mother’s Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships”, authors Rick Hanson, Jan Hanson and Ricki Pollycove write about testing the adrenals through saliva samples of DHEA and cortisol done over a 24 hour period.  They recommend as general measures for the health of the adrenal gland to reduce stress as much as possible (in Carrie’s words:  stop wearing so many hats!), eliminate sugar and caffeine,  try acupuncture and yoga, and look at supplements.  There are also certain herbs and homeopathic remedies recommended in this book for adrenal imbalance and adrenal exhaustion.

There are also psychological components that go into how we feel as mothers as well.  Continue reading →

Originally, this post was about positivity.  I wanted to update this  with a bit about meeting ourselves, those around us, and especially our children with love and with delight, pleasure and humor, and yes, with a certain positivity.

Kim John Payne writes eloquently about the “soul fever” the children of today are experiencing.  HIs recent article published by The Huffington Post about “soul fever” is here:  http://www.runyt.com/2012/03/12/kim-john-payne-why-the-ritalin-debate-is-asking-the-wrong-question-healing-our-kids-soul-fever-with-simplicity/

I was thinking about us, as adults, and the concept of “soul fever.”  Continue reading →

(Photograph courtesy of Samantha Fogg of work+play positive dog training  at http://workplaydogs.com/)

I love this photograph because it reminds me that beautiful things are still happening in some of nature’s most quiet and dark seasons; just as sometimes we personally have to go through dark periods to come out into new growth. Part of the process of creating your family often leads to acknowledging things you would like to do differently; things you would like to be better, and opportunities for a positive and beautiful new beginning.

In the process of acknowledging what you would like to change or do differently, I hope you take the time to see all the things that you do right.  I also hope you forgive yourself for any unrealistic expectations that you were harboring about parenting and family life or homeschooling.  I hear from so many mother who seem to be disappointed in themselves.

I think forgiveness is a huge part of a mindful path in parenting and in homeschooling. I have written some posts on guilt and forgiveness in the past that  I would like to share with you here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/27/forgiving-ourselves/ and here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/22/waldorf-guilt/ and here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/14/is-it-too-late/.

Self-forgiveness is often a process where one has to accept and forgive themselves for being HUMAN and not perfect. It is part of life to be “not perfect”, to be authentic and real, flaws and all.  We keep striving, and most of all, we start doing and trying.  It is not enough to read it in a book, or to gather and collect information..you must jump in and start in order to capture your own will and affect real and meaningful change.

So I ask you tonight……

What are your wounds that require self-forgiveness?

How do you acknowledge disappointment, loss?

How can your inner work help you in the journey of self-forgiveness?

Parenting is not perfection, it is a journey. Your child is not a psychological extension of you. I hear parents worry all the time that their child will grow up and resent the choices they have made; that Waldorf homeschooling will not be “enough” and that the child will blame them when they are in college and realize not every single thing was covered for them in their homeschooling education, etc.

Huh.

I don’t know about you, but I attended one of the best public school systems in New York. I have gone on to college to earn two degrees, and there were many subjects and ideas that were not covered in my public school career. If I knew everything coming out of high school, why would I need or want to go on to college? And then there were some things I learned in high school that made so much more sense in college –precalculus and physics come to mind!

There is always going to be some website or person who espouses the horrors of some parenting decision you have made –whether that is extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, homeschooling, Waldorf homeschooling. We are all different people, and I think it is okay that people have different views. Our views also change over time. Part of being human means that we continue to develop until the day we pass from this earth.  We learn and we grow.  I find comfort in that, and I hope you do as well.  Sometimes knowing you are doing the very best you can Right Now In This Moment is plain powerful confidence!

We can still be confident even if we are not perfect. We still have more years of living than our children, we can still strive to be listeners, to be patient, to communicate without sarcasm or blame. We can exude a quiet confidence and strength in parenting even without perfection.

Forgive yourself, be easy with yourself, and most of all love yourself. I believe in a Creator, and in the Creator’s eyes, you are His Beloved!

Blessings and love,

Carrie

It takes time and space to develop; much like the time and space it takes to create a beautiful fluid painting.  The possibilities are endless; mindful consideration is called for.

We look at all the elements that create family life and work in an effort to blend them together:

Roaring, racing red that gives us form:

Shy, quiet blue that moves outward and permeates the home and family:

Extroverted, excited yellow, spiraling ever outward bringing fun and joy, the polarities of different things bringing balance to the family:

Until a beautiful, mindful family culture is created where individuals can unfold and grow…including the adults of the family.

Take a few moments this week to bring some fluidity and creativity into your life, into this business of parenting and creating a family life.  I can’t wait to see what you all come up with.

Much love,
Carrie

Creating a family life can be daunting:  such a huge responsibility, and this wavering between too many resources and not enough as we try to work with the things no one seems to talk about.  From all my work with parents, sometimes I can feel the emotions mothers experience  drawn in space almost like the four  temperaments.   Perhaps there is the dark side of isolation and sadness like the melancholic,  the fiery choleric need for order and doing (and maybe anger and frustration as things don’t line up to our plans and expectations), the deep phlegmatic ponderings in nature and spirituality, and the sanguine joy and fun of play and creating beauty.

However, all of these emotions also have a polarity.  Isolation and sadness can give way toward helping others and ennobling them through our own dark experiences; the need for order through domination can also become leadership and delegation and setting priorities, the ponderings can give way to action, the fun and joy of creating can give way to stillness to  just see and observe.

The pieces I see missing from mothers  is this scattered sense of too much information and too much time gathering information and not enough doing.  The practical piece, that willing and doing, just has to be there.  I don’t know about you, but I am tired at night from the sheer doing of it all.

So, without further ado, let’s dive into Day Number One: Inner Work.

Please have a notebook and a piece of paper and ponder the following: Continue reading →

Wow, we are at 20 days!  I want to thank all of you who read this series and worked with some of these things in your own homes and families.  I am curious to hear feedback from you all as to what you observed, learned or felt.

A reader from the UK writes how she worked with this series of posts, and I thought it was a brilliant idea myself :

“Here is what I have decided to do:
I have been printing out each day to use the following morning in my quiet time, when my brain is at its best (!) I got behind on this with my family being sick & ended up with my print outs here there & everywhere, so have decided to wait until you have finished the series, Carrie, then have the pages all spiral bound & work through it, day by day. I am going to include lots of blank sheets at the end of each day, for my own notes. I think this is something I could do every year or so. What a wonderful resource. Thank you Carrie”

Thanks for the idea, Lynn!

One way that I personally pull all of the different elements together that were mentioned in these posts is through my  daily inner work, prayer and meditation on each child.  I think of these areas and try to ascertain if each child is receiving what they need at this time, what they need so they can be uplifted, what areas are challenging for this child.

I know many of you who read this blog do not homeschool or use Waldorf education.  However, I do find for our family that the curriculum of Waldorf education really does dovetail with all of the developmental stages and expectations mentioned in this series and really assists me in helping my children.

Many blessings to you all!  I would love to hear your experiences and what was valuable to you.

Peace,

Carrie

This series is almost done!  I can’t believe it, can you all? Hopefully you gained a few insights, a little inspiration, to carry you forward in your parenting. 

Today we are going to talk about a difficult topic for many of us:  the use of gentle discipline.  Children need to function in this world, with other people.  The question becomes how we gently bring them into ways that will assist them in connecting with other people, how to teach them compassion and how to be kind, and what behaviors are accepted in our society.

One of the main things that seems difficult for many parents these days is setting boundaries in a gentle manner.  It seems difficult for many parents to see their child as separate from themselves.  Your child is not you!  They have different feelings about things than you, different ways of looking at things…and it is up to you, the parent, to help guide your child.

Do you have boundaries for yourself?  If you personally do not have any boundaries, it is going to be difficult for you to teach your children to have boundaries in a gentle way.  The culmination of all of the twelve senses in Waldorf parenting and education is the Sense of Individuality, of I and Thou.  This does not fully develop until the later teen and early twenties, but the foundation of this sense is being laid with your children right now.  And this is a sense that many children need assistance with; some children are crawling on top of their parents’ heads (I have literally seen this), some children are so far away and distant.  This is an area with the explosion of sensory processing disorders in children that we are seeing more and  more difficulties with.

If we set boundaries, how do we do it gently?  Children under the age of 7 do not need direct consciousness brought to the occasion, (although six-year-olds can do with more direct statements), but here are some other tools:

1. Humor
2. Rhythm
3. Finding the need beneath the behavior (without asking your three or four year old – you really can probably figure out if they are hungry or tired)!
4. Structuring your environment
5. Modeling what you want your child to imitate
6. Movement of the body
7. Fantasy and imagination and pictorial imagery when you speak to your child
8. “Time- in”   – see this post:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/20/why-should-i-consider-time-in-instead/
9. Singing and verses
10. Doing things together
11. Being right near your child and assisting what needs to be done
12. Having a space to draw, throw a ball, etc. to diffuse emotion
13. Plenty of outside time (yes, this is a disciplinary tool!)
14. Distraction!
15. Looking for the positive intent behind your child’s behavior
16. Finding the good to praise
17. Holding your child and loving them
18. Filling up the child’s “love language” or emotional bank account before things go crazy!

I am sure many of you can think of so many things to add to this list!

Use your quiet confidence as to what is right in gentle strength,

Carrie