No Comparison!

Comparing yourself to others often causes the disappearance of your own happiness. This can be such a challenging path, this mindful mothering, this homeschooling, this Waldorf view of life, that to start to look around it is easy to either feel smug about it all, or more likely, insecure and questioning of oneself.

I just want to remind you today that you  are on the right path for your family.  It is okay if you don’t have all the answers when your oldest child is four. You don’t have to defend yourself or your choices.  It is okay when people make different choices than you do for their families.  Each and every parent and family are on their own paths and we all  have our own lessons to learn.  Each and every family is different.

I know personally  it is much easier for me to respect someone else’s choices much better if I feel like there was some thought to that choice!  LOL!  However, at the same time, parents cannot always think about every single thing that is new to them or they feel insane!  And we all have priorities of things and issues and causes that are important to us  that may not be as important to someone else.  I try to remember that. 

Please, please, please do not let your causes, your beliefs, (uh, your obsessions?)  be the wedge between you and your partner, you and your family, you and your friends if you can help it.  Maybe you  will be able to show something to the people in your life  just by being who you are and doing what you do; maybe those people actually have something to teach you today!  Please be open to that!  Open your hearts and look for the things where we have common ground instead of being so quick to jump to the differences. 

It is so hard when our oldest one is very little.  We have such a protective (and sometimes tight) gesture around that child.  We have such a need for things to be “right”.  And to be sure, there is essential and non essential, and not everything people do with their children is “ right”  by a longshot.  I think we live in a society where many mothers are striving so hard to be mindful and think things through but then  we also have so many parents who seem to view their tiny children as inconveniences to their busy lives.  However, sometimes the “mindful” parents need to let go a little bit.  Your child, whilst developing under your etheric cloak, doesn’t need your baggage, and doesn’t need you to “control” their behavior or every single thing that happens in their existence.  Your child doesn’t need this unattainably  perfect childhood with unattainably perfect parents.

What your child needs is your warmth and your love even when they are in a rougher stage of development;

What your child needs is your laughter, authentic and real;

What your child needs today is a big hug and a whole lotta love;

What your child needs is a stable rhythm but also enough spontaneity to make life fun; nothing crazy, but go splash in some puddles!  Get dirty!  Play in the mud!

What your child needs is music and stories and being outside and playing;

What your child needs is a COMMUNITY of people who love them besides just their mother;

What your child needs is for you to have a vital, positive, wonderful marriage that they can look up to (even if they think it is disgusting when you kiss each other :))

What your child needs is for you to understand child development and to have realistic expectations and for you to quit trying to fix them, to change them into someone else, and to control every single thing that goes on

What your child needs is for you to get real, give some things up for them so they can develop in the right way, but to also have FUN whilst you are doing it.

What your child needs is for you to see how real and precious and messy and wonderful parenting and family life is today.

Life is too short to not live with joy and love and warmth.

Blessings today to you and your precious children,

Carrie

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9 thoughts on “No Comparison!

  1. Thank you for this lovely post. I have two siblings who raise their children in a very different way than me. Thank you for this kind and gentle approach to dealing with difference with love.

  2. I have been reading your blog regularly for a couple of weeks now. I very much appreciate your wise words.

    This post in particular spoke to me. I struggle with my perfectionist tendencies. . . and my oldest is just four years old! Thank you for reminding me what is essential.

    Would you be willing to elaborate on one point? You say, “Your child, whilst developing under your etheric cloak, doesn’t need your baggage, and doesn’t need you to ‘control’ their behavior or every single thing that happens in their existence.” How would you further describe that “etheric cloak”? What does it mean in terms of our relationship with our children?

    Thank you.

    • Zane — Look for a future post on this; for the meantime if you look at the three and four fold human body posts on here, that will help. You can use the search engine box for the Madonna Cloak project or etheric body to search…Essentially as mothers we are lending, covering our children with our life forces in these early years… :)
      Blessings,
      Carrie

  3. I think I may base my whole yoga class on this this week. I’ve had a lot of calls from mama’s lately related to this-I was having trouble formulating in my mind what I was hearing and seeing. I think it’s just that, the comparing. Letting go of this is a lovely invitation for everyone to enjoy and be happy.

  4. Hi Carrie, this is a subject that really resonates with me, and something that I struggle with quiet a lot. I am a single Mama of a 2 yo girl and I have such strong desires for “family” life. Being a solo parent, I feel surrounded by loving, happy families and wish I could have that for me and my child. I also find it hard creating a family culture when it is just the two of us, especially as I live on my folks land and my little one goes back and forth from our home to theirs. I struggle to create ‘our’ rhythm when she wants to be at my folks, which is complete chaos and not the rhythm I want for her. And keeping her home isn’t easy as she asks to see them all the time and waits for them to come home from work!
    I am trying my best with the situation I am in but I just want so much more for myself, my child and my family.
    Thanks
    Briony x

  5. Pingback: The Second and Third Nights of Christmas: Sacrifice and Generosity « The Parenting Passageway

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