Is It Too Late?

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I have had several mothers call me lately who are feeling what I call “the Waldorf guilt”.  They are looking, in most cases, at very verbal and sometimes physically aggressive 5 and 6 year old little girls and wondering if it is too late to start the Waldorf lifestyle with their little ones.  They feel the way they parented their children before may not have been as age and developmentally appropriate as it could have been.

First of all, please be very  easy with yourself if you find yourself in this situation.  We all are the best parents we can be with the information we have at the time.  Forgive yourself for any perceived inadequacies and move on.

Second, I would say it is never too late for the healing benefits of Waldorf.  However, I do think this takes sincere effort, planning, and change within the family.

Here are some thoughts that I think may be helpful if  you are trying to “switch” to a Waldorf  lifestyle for the benefit of your child’s health or to work with a very head-oriented child under the age of 7 or 8:

1.  Start small with consistent naptimes, bedtimes, and meal times.  Think foods made with your own hands and foods that are not far removed from what they really are….a whole apple as opposed to processed apple Pop-Tarts.  Think about the amount of sugar, dyes, additives your children are ingesting and work hard to limit those substances.

2.  Think about the concept of warmth.  I find many of these over-active, over-talkative little beings have a severe problem with lack of warmth, both intuitively from the family in an emotional or spiritual sense,  and also perhaps needing more physical warmth. 

For emotional or spiritual warmth:  If you meditate or pray, can you do that over your child after they go to sleep at night?  Soul warmth and energy flow there.   Can you laugh with your child, have fun, smile with your children?  Instead of all those words, how about a hug, a smile, a kiss?

If you feel your child needs more physical warmth, can you think about woolens for under their clothes, warm coats, hats, mittens?  Layering?  Does your child need more warmth in whatever space you have – warm colors in their room, layered rugs, curtains? 

3.  The very verbal child  under the age of 7 needs a parent who can stop talking to the child.  Lots of “Hhmm, I wonder that as well” kinds of comments, as opposed to the Doctoral Thesis on whatever the child is asking about.  Get your partner on board!  This is so important, and necessary.  If your partner is rather analytical, talk about the concept of doing the right thing at the right time.  You are not withholding knowledge of the world to the detriment of the small child, but rather waiting to bring it in at the right time when the child can process it well.  You are providing information in the right way in the right amount for the child’s age.

4.  I find for the most part the things that these children have said in the past has been given entirely too much weight.  I am not saying to ignore what your child says, or to ignore how your child says they feel!  But what I am saying is that YOU have to start to distinguish between is this random comment one that you should give weight to as a mother and then act upon or is it just that – a very random comment?  In this day and age and in our society we often take our children far too seriously about small things, (and probably not seriously enough about big things as they get older).

5.  This child needs HOURS a day outside to just be, and than a balancing of that with an activity that provides them quiet.  Have arts and crafts ready, woodworking, cooking projects, storytelling at the ready for these special, intimate moments.

6.  No media.  No media at all during this transformation.  No screens.   And model good behavior by cutting down on your screen time…can you do it?

7.  Plan some fun FAMILY activities with you, your partner, your child, siblings.  Sometimes these often serious and tense children need to see that, indeed, the family can have fun and laugh together.  It does not have to be something over the top and expensive – plan something like going hiking, roller skating, ice skating, planting a garden together, star watching.  Also do some projects around the house together so your child can see how a family works and plays together.

9. After you have a small rhythm going for the day –to -day kinds of things and weekly things, do start looking at festivals within the year.  (And if you need help with rhythm please do hit the rhythm tag in the tags box and all those posts will come up).    Not every family who celebrates festivals  celebrates religious ones, but Steiner did talk quite a bit about the importance of a spiritual life for the child.  Think about your own spiritual leanings and investigate this.   If you have no spiritual leanings at all, why not?  Perhaps a tradition completely different than the one you were raised with will speak to you.     Perhaps this is the inner work you are being called to do at this time. 

10.  Start working within yourself to be the change for the things you want to see in your family.  You set the tone for things in your family, you have a choice as to how you respond to things.  You don’t need to nag your partner about all this, but instead model, show, demonstrate, love.

Just a few thoughts to ponder,

Carrie

The Fabulous Five –Year -Old!

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Five-year-olds are rather interesting to me.  Many mothers lament from reading the Gesell Institute books that while the young five-year-old should be in this “golden period”, their child is decidedly not.  A five-year-old closer to turning six may also be in a bit of disequilibrium as well.  Five is an age that I feel deserves a closer look beyond the whole “this is a golden age” view……

Let’s take a look at typical characteristics of the young five year old, according again to our friends at The Gesell Institute:

  • Typically enjoys life and looks on the sunny side.
  • Wants to do everything “just right.”
  • Mother is the center of the child’s world again- many five-year-olds would rather stay in the house with Mother than go out to play with friends.
  • Typically loves his house, his street, his neighborhood.
  • Does not especially want new and different.
  • This is typically seen as one of those “golden ages” of childhood development where the child is in a state of harmony.
  • If your child is a young five and not in a state of harmony, do not despair.  I have found that for many children, the disequilibrium that seems to accompany four can take until a child is five and a quarter to really work out.  I happily refer you to my posts regarding “Peaceful Life With a Four-Year-Old” and “Fantastic Four-Year-Old!”.  They will help you sort out some things that may be helpful to your young five-year-old.
  • The other thing to look at any time a child is behaving in such a way you do not love is to look to yourself and your home first.  Are you feeling calm?  What is going on in your life and in the life of your family?  Start with centering yourself.  Look at the post on this blog entitled  “Peaceful Life With A Four-Year-Old”   here  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/07/peaceful-life-with-a-four-year-old/  and the post before that written about the developmental characteristics of a four-year-old.  The other place to look would be in the tag section and hit the tag called “Parenting Challenges” – a prime example of this type of post that may be helpful is this one: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/13/smearing-peas/  and there are many,many others that may stimulate thoughts for your own personal situation.

Hang in there though, because equilibrium is coming! (At least for a little while!)

Five-and-a-half is a bit different, however.  Here are some of the developmental characteristics as listed in the Gesell Institute’s “Your Five-Year-Old” regarding the five-and-a-half-year-old:

  • Usually has a great readiness to go against what is asked or expected of him.
  • Brash, combative.
  • Can be hesitant, dawdling, indecisive or at the opposite extreme, demanding and explosive
  • May be sick quite a bit – headaches, colds, stomachaches, earaches.
  • May revert to toileting accidents.
  • Lots of tensional outlets – these are the behaviors that parents dislike such as repeatedly biting nails, head banging, increased nose picking, fidgeting, increased masturbation.
  • Restless
  • Difficulty grasping pencils, may lose visual orientation and reverse numbers or letters (Did I mention The Gesell Institute feels five is NOT a good age to teach reading or writing??)
  • May have lots of nightmares.

 

Think about living with your five-year-old with these things in mind: Rhythm, Rules, and a sense of Reverence.

Rhythm – Your rhythm should carry your day.  I cannot stress this enough.  Unless you want to be arguing all day long with your small child, you need a rhythm where you normally do this and then do that.  Think about how you want things done. If we always clean up after we play, then there is no arguing about it.  If sometimes mommy cleans up, sometimes we clean up together, sometimes friends help clean up and sometimes they don’t, then we are in for some trouble.  So, spend some time looking at your daily activities and what needs to happen before and after these activities to make life enjoyable for all.

Rules – Keep your rules simple – think of them as skills and behaviors that children that are trying to learn and master rather than these things where bad things happen when you cannot control your child.  Think about phrasing them very simply, generally, and positively.

Reverence – Look for moments when you can instill in your child a sense of reverence for the beauty in every day; those moments where you stop and look at something outside, those moments where you can all sing together; those moments where you stop to pray or meditate or have a moment of silence before a meal.  Think about the way you approach your own tasks – is it trying to get through the task as quickly as possible, or is it approaching the task that nourishes your family is undertaken with loving kindness?

Keep looking to yourself and your own habits.  Review your own negative habits; do you nag, berate, command, dominate, yell, shame or punish your child when it might be helpful to find positive alternatives?  Can you be calm and help your child physically follow through in a peaceful way with whatever you asked him or her to do?

Yours in Peace,

Carrie

What Kind of Family Are You?

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In my last post, regarding “Potty Training With Love”, I alluded to Barbara Coloroso’s framework of different types of families; other frameworks such as these also exist.

Before you can approach your inner work, your parenting, the tone in your home, it may be helpful to step outside of yourself if you can and view see what your family really is like, the dynamics of your home.

Here are some frameworks that may stimulate some thought for you:

In the book Kids Are Worth It! By Barbara Coloroso, she defines three types of families:

  1. Brickwall – This type of family has a definitive hierarchy of control with the parents being in charge, has lots of strict rules, a high value on punctuality, cleanliness and order, a rigid enforcement of rules by means of actual or threatened violence, the use of punishment to break the child’s will and spirit, rigid rituals and rote learning, use of humiliation, extensive use of threats and bribes, heavy reliance on competition, learning takes place with no margin for error, love is highly conditional, gender roles are strictly enforced, children are taught what to think but not how to think.
  1. Jellyfish A families – most likely raised in a Brickwall family, this parent is frightened of repeating the abuse he knew, but does not know what to replace it with. So he becomes extremely lax in discipline, sets few or no limits and tends to smother his children. Anything his child wants, his child gets, even if the child’s wants are at the expense of the parent’s own needs. The lack of structure can then lead to a frustrated parent who ends up resorting to threats, bribes, punishments.
  2. Jellyfish B families – May be struggling with personal problems that keep her almost totally centered on herself. No one is around to provide a nurturing, caring, supportive environment.

In both types of Jellyfish families, the following characteristics prevail: Anarchy and chaos in the physical and emotional environment, no recognizable rules or guidelines for the children, arbitrary and inconsistent punishments and rewards are made, mini -lectures and put-downs are the main parenting tools, second chances are arbitrarily given, threats and bribes are frequently used, everything takes place in an environment of chaos, emotions rule the behavior of parents and children, children are taught that love is highly conditional, children are easily led by their peers.

  1. Backbone families – Parents give their children the six critical life messages, democracy is a learned experience where children see their feelings and needs are respected and accepted and they also see that it is not always easy to juggle the wants and needs of all members of the family, mistakes are viewed as opportunities to grow, rules are simply and clearly stated, consequences for irresponsible behavior are either natural or reasonable, children are motivated to be all they can be, children receive lots of smiles and hugs, children get second opportunities, children learn to accept their own feelings and to act responsibly on those feelings through a strong sense of self-awareness, competency and cooperation are modeled and encouraged, love is unconditional, children are taught how to think, children are buffered from sexual promiscuity/drug abuse/suicide by three messages: I like myself, I can think for myself, There is no problem so great, it cannot be solved.

Linda Budd, Ph.D., looks at three traits central to all families in her book “Living With The Active Alert Child”: who’s in charge, what the family values, and how the family handles emotion. She breaks families down into the following categories:

  1. The Closed Family – There is someone clearly in charge, and the others are expected to follow and be obedient. The family values stability. There are many traditions and rituals to create this strong sense of family unity. The family has a hard time with the intensity of emotions. Benefits of this family type include the children growing up with a strong sense of order and feeling secure within the family structure.
  1. The Random Family – Control in this family changes hands frequently- no one person is in charge. This family values freedom, choice, competition, challenge, creative expression. Individuals are valued over the family unit. People in this family express themselves passionately, intensely, authentically. Children in this system have few limits and limited supervision, but their creativity and intensity are confirmed.
  1. The Open Family – The family values equality. Control is cooperative, participatory and persuasive. Consensus is used to make decisions. The family values dialogue, tolerance, adaptability. The family needs are balanced with individual needs. The child is valued as a partner who needs help in discovering her own limits. Parents and child negotiate limits and collaborate in problem solving. Cooperation and responsibility are valued. Children feel as if they have mutual power, and that their feelings are acknowledged.
  1. The Synchronous Family – Control is understood without one person being the source. Control comes from a shared goal or value system, not from an individual. Adults assume children will learn what is correct and what is expected by watching the parents’ example. Emotions are reserved. Children gain a strong sense of security, order and routine.

She gives the example of a 5-year old running through the living room.

The Closed Family says: “You are not to run in the living room. You will have to go to your room until you learn how to behave in here.”

The Random Family: No one notices, or mom and dad may play chase with him if they feel like it.

The Open Family: “Mark, when you run through the living room, you disturb your grandma who is trying to read. You also stepped on the block house your sister is building. We have lots of special things in here that might get broken. It is not okay to run in the living room. Let’s think of a place where you might be able to run around without disturbing anyone else.”

The Synchronous Family: Uncle Jim says to Mark, “Come sit by me while I carve.” Uncle Jim continues to carve, saying nothing to Mark about his behavior. Twenty minutes later, Mark’s mother puts items Mark disturbed back into place.

Food for thought: What kind of family is your family according to either Barbara Coloroso’s or Linda Budd’s structure?

Are you and your significant other different according to Barbara Coloroso or Linda Budd’s structure? What was the family you grew up in like?

Have a meditative day,

Carrie

Potty Training With Love

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In the book “Child Behavior:  The Classic Child Care Manual from the Gesell Institute of Human Development”, the authors Francis Ilg, Louise Bates Ames,  and Sidney M. Barker write, “Do not be disappointed if your boy or girl lags behind this schedule.  Probably in no field of child behavior are individual differences greater than with regard to toilet-training.  Probably in no field are parents more impatient.”

If this is you, and you find yourself feeling angry, frustrated, wanting to “teach” your child to stay dry at night …..take a deep breath and slow down.  Potty training is slow, patient work.  It takes time, and it can take quite a while before the child truly has no more “accidents”. 

Take your time, and look at your own mindset first.  It is not worth trying to speed up your child’s control, which is a PHYSIOLOGICAL process, through humiliation and anger (which I unfortunately hear of many parents doing).  Do not be this.  You still are establishing connection and a loving relationship with your small child.  Think how you would want to be treated if you were having a problem with urinary or fecal incontinence.  Think about when you get elderly how you would like your child to treat  you.

This may help you:

First of all, did you all know that there are physiological milestones regarding bladder and bowel control?  Many parents seem to not know this, and are surprised to find times when their child has increased urinary incontinence, for example. These were compiled by our friends at the Gesell Institute, and comes from a traditional (not elimination communication) standpoint, but it may still be helpful to you:

Normal Milestones in Bladder Control

1 year-  possible dryness after nap, intolerance of wetness, may cry until changed

15 months – may like to sit on toilet but may resist at other times, points to pride at puddles if has accident, placement on toilet may stimulate a withholding of urine and removal off of toilet may stimulate a release of urine

18 months- can respond with nod of head if asked if wants to use potty, may ask to use potty, may feel shame at accidents

21 months – reports accidents and points at them, usually tells after wetting but sometimes before

2 years- better urinary control, no resistance to routines, can verbalize toileting needs fairly consistently, may go into bathroom and pull down pants

2 ½ years- urinary retention span lengthening to about five hours, may have difficulty initiating release, may stop and then resume within act of urinating, may have difficulty initiating the release

3 years – can have toileting routine, most have few accidents, may be dry all night (or may not!), girls may try to use the toilet standing up

4 years – may insist on taking over own routine, may lose urinary control at night around four

5 years – may need reminders to go to bathroom, few daytime accidents and only occasional nighttime accidents, less reporting to Mother, may awaken for night toileting and report to parents, may see increase in nighttime bedwetting ages 5 ½ to 6 years

6 years – few accidents if any, if accidents occur child is disturbed by them, may need reminder to use bathroom before going out to play

Normal Milestones in Bowel Control

15 to 21 months – some children may smear their stools outside of a diaper, especially at end of nap

18 to 21 months – temporary diarrhea

2 ½ years and between ages 5 and 6 – constipation typical

COMMON CONCERNS

  • – 3 to 4 year old who is not potty trained for bowel movements (usually boys). If you can figure out if there is a pattern to the bowel movements (for example, a certain time of day when this is likely to occur), you can try stripping your child naked around that time and bringing him to the bathroom.  Also talk to your pediatrician regarding this behavior if it persists.  Some children also go through another period of withholding bowel movements around ages 5 to 6.
  • – Bedwetting  – check and see if your child is dry after a  nap, if your child is not dry after a nap  it may be expecting quite a lot for your child to be dry all night.  Many normal children are 5 or 6 years old before nighttime dryness is well-established.  Some children are as old as 8.    A mother should know her child is very vulnerable at the stage of being an older child who cannot yet stay dry at night; do not make it worse by shaming your child!!  Please discuss this with your pediatrician.
  • – Not dry in daytime by age 3 or 4 (usually boys).  Rule out any physical cause of decreased bladder control first, and then be patient.  Stop thinking your child is “old enough to get this”.  Pick the time of day when your child is likely to be dry and get him to the toilet so he can have some success.
  • – Difficulty staying dry during play (also usually between ages 3 and 4 and usually also affects boys more than girls).  You may have to interrupt his play every  half hour or hour to have him come and use the toilet. 
  • – Wetting in school, usually during kindergarten or first grade

Still normal bathroom behavior…

2 year old’s fascination with animal feces, although this may be because the parents have made too big a deal  out of his own functioning (Gesell Institute’s words, not mine, before you start sending me irrate comments!)

3 year old girl’s attempt to urinate standing up

4 year old’s excessive interest in other people’s bathrooms

4 year old and 6 year old’s name calling related to toileting

From Barbara Coloroso’s Kids Are Worth IT!

Are you a brickwall, jellyfish or backbone family when it comes to potty training?

A Brickwall Family – puts  pressure in the form of tangible rewards and punishments for mistakes.   Rewards for example, would be something like,  If you are dry all week, I will take you to get ice cream.  Stickers everytime they use the potty, things like that.

Punishment is emotional abuse, verbal disapproval, humiliation, comparing, withholding of love and affection, threats of physical punishment.  This is not a productive way to approach potty training.  Urine release and bowel movements are normal physiological functions that require physiological maturity, just as learning to ride a bike requires physical maturity.

A Jellyfish Family –turns process of potty training over to daycare provider, inconsistency in potty training – For example, the child is reminded to go sometimes but sometimes not, or told to hold it until she gets home or just go in the diaper if it is inconvenient to find a potty. May not be excited about potty training until child has to be potty trained to attend school.

A Backbone Family –  prepares, practices and has patience!

Prepare – Look at child and developmental level, have a potty chair, easy to manage outfits, lots of toilet paper, a stepstool and a supply of diapers on hand.

Practice – It takes many times to get it right.  Do NOT get upset with your child.  They are immature, they are learning.

Patience – the power or capacity to endure without complaint something difficult.  Potty training may not be your personal favorite part of childhood development, but please be patient with your little one.  They are trying, they want to do it right.  Be kind!!

Barbara writes, “Remember, it is her own body and she will learn to control it in her own time and in her own way – She just needs your help, guidance and support!”

Yours in Kindness,

Carrie

Peaceful Life With A Four-Year-Old

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(Carrie’s note:  Links to some other posts about the four-year-old: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/03/more-about-the-four-year-old/   and   https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/04/fantastic-four-year-old/   .  There are many, many more posts regarding the four-year-old in the tags under “the four year old” or “Children Under 7” and “Waldorf Kindergarten.”  There is also a post regarding weaning children over the age of 4.  Hope that helps!)

We have recently looked at the traditional developmental view of a four-year-old.  Edmond Schoorel sums up a Waldorf Education view of the Early Years nicely in his introduction to “The First Seven Years:  Physiology of Childhood”  by writing this:

“The child’s first seven years stand out because of the child’s vitality and potential for growth during this time.  Everything children learn and develop during these seven years is transient.  Children need to think, but only to develop a capacity and not because they need to apply it.  They learn to walk but only for pleasure and not because they need to go where life takes them.  Children learn to play, but only for the fun of it, so that later they may be able to play the challenges of life.  It is characteristic of the first seven years that they are germinal and that they are very precious.  This unique quality may get lost when parents, educators, and other caregivers think that young children have to learn because they need the content of this knowledge later in life.”

So how do I live peacefully with a four-year-old?

The four-year-old should be living in their physical body.  This would include for a four-year-old copious amounts of time outside, and many sensory types of activities – games that involve crawling, rolling.  Experiences such as kneading, grinding wheat, play with different textures, jumping, climbing up and down stairs.  Schoorel mentions if you ask a child of this age to do something consciously, they will become clumsy and awkward.  Make your games of movement with practical work or couched in fantasy.

-The idea that a four-year-old needs to be moving really ties in well to the view of the “out of bounds” four-year-old held in traditional development.  A four-year-old who is out of bounds verbally and physically needs to get their energy out everyday.  If you are having significant trouble with your four-year-old, check out your rhythm and how much activity it includes first.

-A four and a half year old may be starting to play “let’s pretend”.  Encourage this in your home through the use of costumes, dolls, puppets and other props.  Think about how to arrange your child’s toys into inviting scenarios they will want to play with.  There are several posts on this blog regarding fostering creative play (see the tags section; you can click on any subject over there and all the posts written with that tag will come up) that have more ideas regarding this important subject.

-While play is the work of the small child, please do let your child participate in your work at this age.  Find the ways that they can help you; most four-year-olds love to help wash or polish things, to try to sweep the floor or the patio,  to put away silverware or other small tasks.

– Your four-year-old may enjoy simple fingerplays and verses at this time revolving around the seasonal changes.  Your local library most likely has a wonderful collection of these fingerplays.  Lighting a candle and having a few fingerplays, songs and even a short story may be a new thing to add to your daily rhythm with a four-year-old.  There are suggestions for stories under the fairy tale tag on this blog.

-Many four-year-olds will start to like the very simple fairy tales.  If you feel your child is not ready for some of the more simple fairy tales (for suggestions, please hit fairy tales or oral storytelling in the tag section of this blog for posts on these subjects), try simple nature stories that you make up, gardening stories, sweet seasonal stories by Suzanne Down (www.junipertreepuppets.com).

As far as gentle discipline for the four-year-old:

-I know I sound like a broken record to so many of you, but start with yourself and the tone you are setting in your home.  Are you requiring “right action” not through punishment, but just by holding the space? 

-Are you talking too much, explaining too much, and giving too many choices?  Gentle discipline books often say small choices for small people, but many four-year-olds are rather overwhelmed and overburdened by having to make any choices hardly at all.  They would rather that you lay out the clothes they would wear, they would rather you sing a song and take them to the bathroom instead of you asking, “Do you need to go potty?”, they would rather have a simple breakfast of your choosing.  Making less decisions frees them up to play!

-Have you checked and double checked the amount of time you are spending outside and  your rhythm?  Does your rhythm include times of out-breath (active) and times of in-breath (inward)?

-Steiner felt that only starting in the fifth year would the child start to have some inkling of right or wrong.  So check yourself, are you expecting way too much out of your four-year-old?  I think it was Donna Simmons of Christopherus Homeschool Resources (www.christopherushomeschool.org) who always said  the age of  four  is a good age for sitting on laps!  They are still small!!

-Set your limits in a loving way and follow through. If your child is doing something to harm himself, harm others, or harm your property, he must be re-directed.  Also try Barbara Patterson’s “magic word”  from her book “Beyond the Rainbow Bridge: Nurturing Our Children From birth to seven”, written with Pamela Bradley.  The word is MAY.    She gives the example, “You may hang up your coat here.”  Clear, direct, polite. 

-Be calm, think peaceful energy.  Do not ignore the negative behavior until it just pushes you right over the edge!

-Barbara Patterson talks about how the cure for violent play is REAL WORK. Repetitive work. I think this also goes back to outside time :  what can the children do in a repetitive manner outside?  Can they roll down a hill over and over?  Can they dig holes?  Can they drag wood around?  Fill a cart with something heavy and let them push and pull it around.  Can they do water play outside?  Can pouring be a soothing activity?  Can they take a hand sifter and sift something over and over?  Flour is not that expensive!  Can you fill something up with rice and beans and pasta shapes and pour it?  Can they grind chalk into “sugar”?  Can the children take water and a paintbrush and paint the house, the fence, the sidewalk?

Four can be a delightful age if you are prepared and thinking about ways to channel a four- year -old’s energy and expansiveness. Hopefully this quick view of traditional and anthroposophical development has been helpful to you as you plan the best ways to meet your four-year-old’s needs.

Yours till next time,

Carrie

Fantastic Four Year Old!

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Those fantastic four-year-olds!  Many mothers report four was a great year for them; other mothers have reported that their child did not seem to go through the upheaval of three-and-a-half and instead hit a turbulent phase at four!

Let’s take a quick look at the traditional view of the four-year-old, as discussed by our friends at the Gesell Institute in the book “Your Four-Year-Old”:

Four Years of Age – Traditional Development

  • Swearing, boasting, out of bounds behavior
  • Joyous, exuberant, energetic, ready for anything!
  • Like increased privacy regarding going to the bathroom
  • May see sex play, exhibitionism   (may also come up again at age six)
  • Boastful, bossy
  • Expansive, sure of himself
  • Adores new people, places, things
  • Extreme emotions – love and hate
  • Very speedy, does things once and moves on to the next thing
  • Out of bounds speech (“I will cut you up”  “I will put you in the garbage”)
  • Four’s may need loving limits even if they have not needed a lot of limits before
  • Can be very aggressive with siblings and get along better with almost anyone than a younger sibling; should not be trusted alone with a baby

SUGGESTION : Avoid moral judgments as to your child’s behavior at this age – lying, swearing, exaggerating is a hallmark of age 4

Another generality:  Gesell Institute suggests NOT trying to teach a 4 year old to read –(to which all the Waldorf folks out there are nodding their heads!)

Try to enjoy the good things about this age!

Four and A Half Years of Age – Traditional Development

  • Usually a bit more self-motivated,
  • Better able to stand frustration
  • Emotions still uncertain
  • May be less easily shifted with distraction
  • Starting to be aware of “good and bad”
  • Some four and a half year olds can be very demanding, persistent
  • May be less easy to distract with humor than in earlier ages
  • Unpredictable
  • Typically a gradual transition into the self-contained age that is five

Other Areas in the Four-Year-Old Year

  • Friendship-  is typically strong at this age per the Gesell Institute book
  • Eating – can feed themselves completely except for cutting
  • May talk incessantly during meals, may become restless during meals, may have to use the bathroom during meals
  • Most sleep well; may need to use the bathroom
  • May still nap, but majority of four-year-olds are done napping
  • Most children are dry during the day and can manage going to the bathroom alone; not unusual for them to be wet at night
  • Usually bowel movement are also in a routine pattern; boys may possibly not want to have their bowel movement in the toilet
  • Transitions may be easier than before

     Common Tensional Outlets (From Gesell Institute book “Child Behavior”)

  • Thumb-sucking to go to sleep
  • Running away, kicking, spitting, biting fingernails, picking nose, facial grimacing
  • Calls people names, boasts, brags, uses silly language
  • Nightmare and fears
  • Needs to use the bathroom when excited
  • May complain of pain in stomach and actually vomit during times of stress

HEALTH:

  • May knock out front teeth if falls
  • May have many colds during the winter
  • May have “accidents” during times of emotional stress

COMMON FEARS:

  • Sirens, fire engines, other auditory fears
  • The dark
  • Wild animals
  • Mother leaving, going out at night is a common fear

REGARDING BABIES

  • Asks where babies come from
  • May believe that a baby grows inside Mommy, but may also believe a baby comes from a store and is bought
  • Asks how baby gets out;  may think baby comes out through the mother’s umbilicus

REACTION TO DEATH

Per Gesell Institute:

  • Unless it is a well-loved pet or a parent, the child may have a very limited reaction
  • Notion of death is extremely limited
  • By 5 may understand more the concept that “death is the end”
  • “With some exceptions, most preschoolers are not ready for anything but the most simple explanations of death.  Unless it is someone very close to him and someone much loved who dies, concern about the event may be mild.”
  • In the book “Child Behavior” there is a good section regarding talking to children about death.  They recommend the book “Talking About Death: A Dialogue Between Parent and Child” by Rabbi Earl A. Grollman.  If anyone has experience with this book, please do leave it in the comment section to share with our community.

There are also sections in this book regarding the young child and adoption, discussing the idea of a deity if that is pertinent to your family, divorce.  Very helpful.

Regarding Discipline:

  • Try to let some of the out-of-bounds behavior go
  • Utilize a four’s sense of adventure and love of movement  as you re-direct (Hhmm, this sounds like a Waldorf technique!)
  • Try fantasy to help direct things along (hhmm, this also sounds like a Waldorf technique)

 

Let’s look at an anthroposophical view of the four-year-old in our next post, and some Waldorf ways of dealing with the small child to guide behavior.

Weaning With Love

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These are some thoughts I had compiled in my files regarding weaning, and thought it might help other mothers.

Some Opening Thoughts Regarding Weaning

  • “Ideally the breastfeeding relationship should continue until the baby outgrows the need.” –The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, page 233
  • All children wean eventually!
  • Once a child has his or her first bite of solid food, the child is weaning!
  • “While many people see weaning as the end of something – a taking away or a deprivation- it’s really a positive thing, a beginning, a wider experience. It’s a broadening of a child’s horizons, an expansion of his universe. It’s moving ahead slowly one careful step at a time. It’s full of exciting but sometimes frightening new experiences. It’s another step in growing up.”   The Womanly art of Breastfeeding, page 237
  • “Every natural weaning is unique so it is impossible to guarantee anything about it except that it will happen.” – Norma Jean Bumgarner in Mothering Your Nursing Toddler.

Be Clear That Weaning is NOT Recommended Due To:

  • The mother is feeling overwhelmed taking care of her baby.  Please talk to your health care provider regarding the possibility of post-partum depression, anxiety, or other health care needs.  Also please contact your local La Leche League Leader to assist you in suggestions or considerations regarding homemaking and care of a baby.
  • The baby’s teeth begin to erupt; baby is biting at the breast.
  • The mother is planning to return to work
  • The mother is prescribed a drug or needs to undergo a diagnostic test – MOST drugs and diagnostic tests ARE compatible with breastfeeding.  Check with your health care provider and your local La Leche League leader.
  • Mother or baby is ill/hospitalized
  • The mother is pregnant and the pregnancy is a normal, singleton pregnancy  — if you are in a high-risk pregnancy situation and need to wean, please contact your nearest local La Leche League Leader to assist you.
  • The American Academy of Pediatrics  receommends breastfeeding for at least 12 months and as long after this point as is mutually desirable,
  • The World Health Organization  recommends breastfeeding for at least two years.

 

The Natural Age of Weaning, as based upon criteria used to estimate other mammals’ natural weaning age, such as weight gain, relationship to adult body size, relationship to gestational length, and age of eruption of permanent teeth, Dettwyler estimated an appropriate age for human weaning to be between three and seven years.  –Katherine A Dettwyler, an anthropologist at Texas A & M University.  Please see the post on this blog regarding Benefits of Extended Breastfeeding for further information and resources.

Some Thoughts to Consider About Weaning:

First, check to see how you honestly feel about nursing:

“If a mother feels uncertain or unhappy about encouraging weaning, she is also likely to feel sad when weaning is complete.”  (I cannot find where I got this quote from, I suspect The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding or Mothering Your Nursing Toddler).

On the other hand, encouraging your older child to wean does not mean your child will be affected negatively. And y while your relationship may change, you don’t need to feel you have lost touch with your child just because you have weaned.

Weaning often takes quite a bit of time, patience, energy, and ability to come up with distractions BEFORE nursing is asked for – are you in a place where you are up to the job??

 

Second, look for signs that your child is ready for delays in nursing:

  • Your child is at least one year old if not older
  • Your child is eating a variety of foods
  • Your child is very secure in his relationship with you
  • Your child has begun to accept other ways of being comforted
  • Your child can be reasoned with about not nursing at certain times or in certain places
  • Your child can fall asleep and/or go back to sleep without nursing
  • Your child shows little anxiety when gently encouraged not to nurse
  • Your child, when offered a choice, sometimes prefers to do something else besides nurse- like play with you or read a book!
  • The most appropriate guideline to use past one year is do not offer, do not refuse. However, this is rather black and white sounding when you read it in a book. There may be times with an older child that you feel you must refuse or you will go insane. Or there may be times where it is the best thing to offer to nurse. If you nurse begrudgingly, the child may react fearfully and demand more and more nursing. Weaning, like everything else in parenting, takes a lot of time and attention. Be respectful of your own feelings regarding nursing, and your child’s feelings regarding nursing – you are in a partnership!

 

Weaning happens easily when your child’s need for emotional sustenance through breastfeeding has been fulfilled and he no longer relies solely on breastfeeding to feel calm and secure.

If You Decide You Want To Cut Back On Number of Nursings A Day –(Parent Led Actions)

Weaning is basically done by substituting other kinds of food and loving care at the times you would usually be nursing.

Take your time with weaning and go slowly.

Weaning takes time and care – nursing is not only for food, but also for comfort and closeness and love.

“You’ll need to double up on your cuddling, rocking, hugs, and kisses throughout the day to make up for this.” The WAB, page 238.

Offer lots of drinks of water to quench thirst

Offer lots of foods that are high in protein and nutritious in other ways to compensate for the nutrients no longer received in your milk.

Go out of your way to make the time you are not nursing is happy

Have your partner take over putting the child to sleep and when the child wakes up in the night if that is possible at all.

You may need to avoid the situations in which the child is accustomed to nursing

BE FLEXIBLE!!

Other techniques moms have used:

Substitution/Distraction –food and drink, books, involvement in daily chores, being prepared with fun activities prior to them asking to nurse, total, focused attention from the mother, invite other children over to play, get out more vs. staying at home more if child is stressed being out, find new ways to touch your child,

Negotiating Limits/delaying nursing

When children ask to nurse when they are bored – distract before they ask

A weaning child needs a lot of love and support in other ways

Stay on your feet!  Literally!

Change your routine

Shorten nursings

Restrict nursings to certain times or places

Offer a weaning party (this works best with a much older nursling, such as a four or five year old who is already not nursing very frequently).

Be On the Alert for Signs Weaning is not going well:

If child is feeling insecure, anxious, behavioral problems begin to show

Too many changes at once

A child who is not willing to accept substitutes for nursing is telling you she is not ready to wean yet

Engorgement or mastitis

Exhaustion

Anger and resentment on part of mother that it is not going fast enough

When weaning becomes a power struggle it is time to step back a bit.

 

Hope this is helpful to someone; please leave your comments in the comment section so we can all share in community.  Thank you!

Anger in Parenting

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Many of us feel uncomfortable when our children openly express anger.  We feel it is our duty to make the anger go away as soon as possible.  Many of us feel uncomfortable with our own issues involving anger in parenting because if we feel angry in our parenting, then obviously we are a bad parent, right?

Nonviolent Communication views anger as a gift!  How is that possible, you may ask?  On page 144 of the book “Nonviolent Communication”, Marshall Rosenberg states that:  “At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled.  This anger can be valuable if we use it as an alarm clock to wake us up – to realize we have a need that isn’t being met and that we are thinking in a way that is unlikely to be met.”

Wow, this is such a powerful thought.  Marshall Rosenberg goes on to discuss how anger takes our energy and directs it toward punishing other people instead of using our energy to meet our needs.   He has this to say about the way we use our language:

“We say: “You make me angry.”  “You hurt me by doing that.  I feel sad because you did that.”  We use our language in many different ways to trick ourselves into believing that our feelings result from what others do.  The first step in the process of fully expressing our anger is to realize that what other people do is never the cause of how we feel.”

This is so important to hear in parenting.  You have a choice how you react to your child. Your child is supposed to be immature, otherwise they would have been born a wrinkly 70-year-old.  You set the tone in your home, and you have a choice how you act.  Anger gives you a chance to figure out how your child is feeling – you don’t have to ask an under seven-year-old how they are feeling! You can probably tell at that moment what your child is feeling, and if you can stop and think, perhaps you can ascertain what you need as well.   NVC is a wonderful framework for you as a parent!

Marshall Rosenberg outlines the four steps to expressing anger as 1- stop and breathe; 2- identify our judgmental thoughts 3- connect with our own needs and 4-express our feelings and unmet needs.  A Waldorf perspective would say that while this framework is valuable for the adult to go through and work off of, it does not need to be shared with a small child under the age of seven.  As an adult, once we practice, perhaps we can do this in our head and then show the ACTION to our child.  What we do to meet the child’s needs, and our needs.

It is also most important for children, especially children under the age of seven,  to see how anger RESOLVES.  How you can take a deep breath and say, “Wow, I am so glad that I am over that!  Let’s go get a cup of raspberry tea!”  Children under the age of 7  need to see how we regain control when we are angry because they will imitate that – and they do not need to have many words around it other the notion of  I was upset and you were upset,  now it is over.

One thing that comes up frequently when mothers talk to me is that the mothers are so tapped out they cannot pay attention to their children’s needs because their own needs are so completely unmet.  If your needs are met in some ways as well, it becomes easier for you as a parent to connect to your child and what they may need.  Pam Leo, in the book “Connection Parenting” has this to say:

“While learning to decode behavior may seem challenging, it makes the job of parenting more joyful and less a struggle.  When we see parenting as the job of trying to control children’s behavior, parenting is a struggle because we cannot control children’s behavior.  When we see our job as that of meeting children’s needs, we enjoy our children, because we can meet their needs.”

The book “When Anger Hurts Your Kids: A Parent’s Guide” by Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning, et al.  is based on a two-year study of 285 parents and details the when and how parents get angry at their kids, the most important causes of anger, and the best ways to  cope with anger.  In their study, two-thirds of the parents reported feeling anger to the point of shouting or screaming at their children an average of five times per week.  They also found that children received less emotional support, nurturing and encouragement as parents get angry.  They also discovered that children of angry parents are more aggressive and noncompliant, that children of angry parents are less empathic and have poor overall adjustment.  Anger is a natural emotion, and it is an alarm clock for our own unmet needs.  However, for the health of our children, it is very important to pay attention to what we can do to solve the situation.

Again, all parents get angry, and in the above book, McKay and the other authors detail why parents become angry.  Their list includes the following:  parents are “in charge” every hour of every day, including all night long; children are messy; children are noisy; caring for children involves repetitive and time-consuming tasks; children are self-centered; children push the limits; children need a tremendous amount of  attention and approval; and children require eternal vigilance as they are often drawn to danger. 

They then come back to the same conclusion as Marshall Rosenberg; that anger is often tied to “trigger thoughts”, such as “He should know better than this!”  “She is just doing this to push my buttons!”  “They have no respect for me at all!”

If we are familiar with developmental stages, we can identify which ages may be more likely to be developmentally challenging for our child and be more prepared.  This book details 20 typical situations that stimulate “trigger thoughts” in parents and alternative explanations, along with short descriptions of each developmental stage from one through age nine including quotes from the Gesell Institute books (“Your One Year Old”, “Your Two Year Old”  “Your Three Year Old”, etc).

This book talks about changing your “trigger thoughts” into coping statements that normalize things, such as “All kids go through these stages.”  “This is normal for this age.” 

They suggest thinking about what the child needs in a situation, and specific statements  for you to say to yourself in response to typical trigger thoughts.  Their other suggestion is one I have brought up earlier in this post, and that is making sure your own tank is filled.  McKay, Fanning and the other authors suggest learning relaxation techniques including deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, relaxing without tension, cue-controlled relaxation, breath-counted mediation, and how to cue into your own physical signs that you are getting angry early on.

They suggest:

  • Using coping thoughts at the first sign of tension or anger.
  • Stop and breathe.
  • If it helps, physically turn away from the scene that is causing you anger (Of course the mom in me was thinking here, why yes, but have these researchers ever had a child wrapped around each leg screaming their heads off?)
  • Take a “parent time out” if you need it to calm down.
  • Meet your child’s needs – they suggest food, water, rest, time to calm down, sleep, safety, security, attention, hugs, kisses, praise, diversion or distraction, help doing things, help solving a problem, to be listened to, a need for freedom, autonomy,power, clear limits and rules, consistency, stimulation and activity.

Here is something to think about regarding the idea of “power, clear limits and rules, consistency”  mentioned in the last sentence above.  Nancy Samalin, in her book “Love and Anger:  the parental dilemma” details this account in her book:

“One of the few men you attended my morning workshop, Ted was deeply committed to being a good father to his four-year-old daughter, Jessica.  During the course of the workshops, Ted revealed that the reason he took parenting so seriously was that he wanted to avoid at all costs making the same mistakes his parents had made.  Ted grew up in a tense and punitive home, where there were frequent angry confrontations between him and his parents.  He remembered that as a child he had often felt intense feelings of hatred for his father, and he couldn’t bear the idea that his daughter would ever have such feelings toward him.  He bent over backward to avoid confrontations in their home, and described how he would always explain his restrictions carefully to his daughter to she would “understand” the reasons for his limits. “She knows why she has to be in bed by eight o’clock,”  Ted said. “And she can accept it because it doesn’t just seem like an empty rule.”

I could see how much Ted valued the solid communication that existed between him and his daughter, and I didn’t want to say anything that might burst his bubble. But if there was one thing I knew about four-year-olds, it was that they have a tremendous capacity for unreasonable behavior, even given the most patient explanations.  Although Ted and his daughter were close, by their very nature preschoolers do not take kindly to the limits adults set, no matter how reasonable and necessary these limits are.”

 

Nancy Samalin goes on to say there was an event that Ted experienced with his daughter that demonstrated when there is a conflict of needs, the conflict cannot always be reasoned away.  She goes on to write, “Ted  needed to be firm without being punitive, but he also needed to accept the inevitable – that Jessica would be upset  at having to stop what she was doing and accede to his wishes.”  She goes on to suggest keeping the limit, but a small choice in how to carry the limit out  – “I know you want to stay and play, but we have to leave now.  Would you like to walk or be carried?”  Waldorf probably would move this more into the realm of fantasy and movement, but you do get the idea of how to keep a limit in a loving way.

I have a few random thoughts in closing:

  • Sometimes we do everything we can do to meet our child’s needs, but in a family of multiple children, sometimes one person’s or child’s needs has to be met FIRST. It does not mean the other children will not get their needs met, but that sometimes there has to be an order to start.
  • As a child hits the 3 year old and up range, wants and needs are definitely not the same.  What your child is telling you what they want may not be what they need, and it is your job as the parent to look under the want to find that need.  Loving limits are not the enemy in parenting.  No spanking, not so many words, a loving, warm, kind presence, and yes, loving limits set with redirection of  fantasy and movement at first and then moving into short, simple phrases during that six-year-old year.  This is what children need.
  • Have a plan ready for when everything is going crazy – even if that plan is just to stop and breathe, to take a parent time-out.
  • Have someone who you can call if you are at the breaking point – maybe another mother who is a close friend who would be willing to come over and watch your children for a moment while you pull it together. We should all be so lucky to have such a network.
  • Hang around with parents who also have nonviolent guiding of the child as their goal.  Seek out these parents at Attachment Parenting Meetings, La Leche League meetings, or other places in your town where like-minded parents may meet.  Get support over the Internet.  There are many Yahoo!Groups for positive discipline out there.
  • Be familiar with normal developmental stages; it helps you know what possibly coming your way.
  • Work hard to cultivate your own personal, peaceful energy.  When you are a  new mother, it is often a “good day” when your child “behaves” and “doesn’t melt down” but when you become a more experienced mother it is not how they behaved, but how YOU behaved that day.
  • Keep reminding yourself that you set the tone for your home in how you respond to things, anger happens, you can make a mistake and it will be okay. You do not have to be perfect, you can be an Authentic Leader (go back through this blog and search for the Authentic Leadership posts if that helps!) 
  • Rhythm and less words really help carry the three to six year old set.  Please do look back through this blog for those posts.  Hopefully they will inspire you and help you.

 

If you feel as if your child’s needs are being met and every day is still a battle, I would encourage you to seek help for you and your family.  Some children have food allergies, sensory processing disorders or other needs that need to be addressed before your family can live in harmony.

If you feel as if your anger is actually your issue and not being triggered by things in parenting, I encourage you to speak to a find a nonviolent communication support group, a therapist, a  mentor, a neutral third party, to assist you in uncovering the need hiding beneath the anger.  Many of the Waldorf consultants on the Waldorf consultant list on this blog will do telephone consultations, and while not therapists, may be able to assist you with seeing the larger picture with parenting and homeschooling.

Many peaceful blessings to you, my dear reader.

Resources for Wet-on-Wet Watercolor Painting

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Here are several resources I have regarding wet-on-wet watercolor painting for your review.

#1.  “Painting with Children” by Brunhild Muller.   48 pages.   The contents include:

Children and Colour

The Moral Effect of Color

Children painting with watercolors

Preparing to Paint – and yes, this does discuss those often-asked questions of how to mix the colors, distribute the colors, water jars, the size of the paper and how to prepare it, and some hints about choosing paintbrushes.

Painting the Colors, including colour stories, painting through the seasons, the background to colour stories, experiencing the colours, moods of nature, painting what you see

Painting with Plant Colours

Poems to Stimulate Painting

This book starts with sections regarding Steiner’s words regarding color and its effect on children, and Goethe’s Theory of Colors, and discusses the way children experience colors in the fairy tales. 

Some considerations:  I have enjoyed using this little book, and it is a quick and easy way to start with lots of color paintings done by children.  The pictures were helpful when I first started out in identifying what a typical four year old’s painting might look like.  Ideas for seasonal themes with verses that are typically Waldorf. Very Lovely to look at.

#2 – “Waldorf-Inspired Watercolor Painting with Children” by Anita Briggs and Nadia Tan; available through Barbara Dewey’s Waldorf Without Walls.  This is a 27-paged spiral bound book with the following contents:

The Changing Consciousness of the Child and Artistic Activity – Colors, Color Moods and Temperaments, Making Colors Come Alive (includes color verses and color experiments)

Painting in the Waldorf School

Getting Started with Wet on Wet Watercolor Painting – Basic approach, Painting Exercises to include single colors, color pairs, many colors, seasonal pictures, silhouettes against an evening sky, animal series, imagination series, and colored landscape patterns

Paintings – 5 pages of paintings in color.

Some considerations:  This booklet has many practical hints regarding wet on wet painting and if you sit down and read it very carefully you will find many tips you can use in your painting.  It would also be useful to paint through the painting exercises list in the last section of the book after the children are in bed and create your own world of color!  You can sometimes find this little booklet on some of the used Waldorf curriculum lists.   (It is only 27-pages long so some families may be happier buying  it used if available).

#3 – Painting in Waldorf Education by Dick Bruin and Attie Lichthart.  This 215-paged book comes with a DVD of painting images and the contents are as follows:

Painting in Education – including Introduction, Colors and their effects on people, the task of the teacher, Goethe’s theory of color, A journey through the color wheel: A concise theory of color for the teacher, painting and the senses, watercolor paints- painting techniques and materials and equipment

Kindergarten and Elementary Grades – including handling the curriculum and the basic exercises for the teacher.

Painting in the kindergarten with two basic exercises for the teacher and a section about “Play and Imitation”.

Painting in the first grade with an exercise for the teacher and a section called “A Journey of discovery through the land of color.”

Painting in the second grade with one teacher exercises and a sections regarding Complementary Colors and Color Mood and Color Movement.

Painting in the third grade with two exercises for teacher and a section entitled,” Drama in Color Experience.”

Painting in the fourth grade (subtitles in this chapter include “from soul-to-nature mood, Earth colors, mythology and landscape, Maps, animals and human figures) (also two exercises for the teacher)

Painting in the fifth grade which includes two exercises for the teacher and notes about experiencing processes, plants and trees, mythology, history and maps, landscape, animals and color perspective, annual festivals.

Painting in the sixth grade which includes “on the path to exact observation”, minerals and the veiling technique, flowers, landscapes and trees, “leaving an open space”, Indigo.

Painting in the seventh grade  which includes “exploring new worlds”, “Heavenly phenomena” and “Voyages of discovery”.

Painting in the eighth grade which includes two teacher exercises and the section entitled “Industrial activities and cultural landscapes.”

Black and white drawing in the sixth, seventh and eighth grades

Perspective and dissections in the seventh and eighth grades

HIGH SCHOOL

Introduction

Painting in the Ninth Grade, including three exercises for teacher and sections on “Durer as a source of inspiration for black and white drawing” and “Drawing and painting in connection with art history.”

Painting in the Tenth Grade, including two exercises for the teacher and the section, “Movement and order in black and white and color.”

Painting in the Eleventh Grade, including painting trees and plants in moods, the impression and the expression – various drawing techniques; shading, drawing plants, animals and people and a basic exercise for teacher.

Painting in the Twelfth Grade, including “The summation – The human: studies of the head.”

ADDITIONAL ASPECTS FOR THE DIDACTICS OF THE PAINTING LESSON

Lesson preparation, post-discussion, temperaments

Curative and pedagogical painting

USE OF COLOR IN OTHER LESSONS AND IN SCHOOL BUILDING–

Drawing, form-drawing, crafts, needlework and drama

Rudolf Steiner’s color advice for the school building

SOURCES

Rudolf Steiner’s color lectures

The School sketches by Rudolf Steiner as described by Fritz Weitmann

AFTERWORD

BIBLIOGRAPHY OF SELECTED TITLES IN ENGLISH

Some considerations: A lot here to keep you busy throughout the grades, but lots of text with no pictures (black and white plates in the front of what is on the CD so those are the only pictures).  This book really deserves and  needs your attention, focus, and sitting down to try these exercises yourself!  Worth your money. 

#4 – “How to Do Wet-on Wet Watercolor Painting and Teach It to Children” by Rauld Russell, xeroxed with color cover and tied with ribbon; 43 pages long, available through Marsha Johnson of Shining Star School in Portland, Oregon through her Yahoo!Group waldorfhomeeducators@yahoogroups.com.  Proceeds from sale of this book go to Shining Star School.

Lesson 1 – Yellow (goes into painting preparation as well)

Lesson 2 – The Rainbow

Lesson 3 – Blue

Lesson 4- Red

Lesson 5 – Green

Lesson 6 – Sunrise

Lesson 7 – Sunset

Lesson 8 – Blue-Violet

Summary

PART TWO

Lesson 9 – The Suffering of Light

Lesson 10- The Deed of Color

Lesson 11- The Color Circle

Lesson 12- The Color Combinations: Yellow and Green,

Lesson 13:  Yellow and Blue

Lesson 14:  Yellow and Violet

Lesson 15:  Vermillion, Crimson and Blue in Green

Lesson 16: Complementary Colors

Summary (gives suggestions for colors for the four seasons, the four elements, the cycle of day and night, landscapes and seascapes, the four temperaments, etc. and themes to choose from to paint).

PART THREE

Teaching Children

Pre-School and Kindergarten

Grade 1

Grade 2

Grade 3

Color Stories

Grade 4-5

Grade 6-7

Grade 8

Summary

LAST WORD

APPENDIX (lists all supplies you will need to complete this course)

Some considerations:  An excellent course for you to start to paint by, ideas for how to prepare, set up, verses, focus for each grade…Worth the price even if it is a xerox copy and such.

I know many of you out there have these resources, please do leave a comment in the comment section as to what you liked and didn’t like about these books as these reviews are only my opinion and may not resonate with everyone!

Thanks, and happy painting!!

Are You Present?

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I am re-reading the lovely book “Everyday Blessings:  The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting,” by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn.  This book affects me deeply each time I read it, and each time I peel another layer of myself back in the process. 

I wanted to share one beautiful passage with you all:

“As I see it, all parents, regardless of the ages of our children at any point in time, are on an arduous journey, an odyssey of sorts, whether we know it or not, and whether we like it or not.  The journey, of course, is nothing other than life itself, with all its twists and turns, its ups and its downs.  How we see and hold the full range of experiences in our minds and our hearts makes an enormous difference in the quality of this journey we are on, and what it means to us.  It can influence where we go, what happens, what we learn, and how we feel along the way.”

This passage also jumped off the page at me:

“Mindful parenting is hard work.  It means knowing ourselves inwardly, and working at the interface where our inner lives meet the lives of our children.  It is particularly hard work in this era, when the culture is intruding more and more into our homes and into our children’s lives in so many new ways.”

I think the first part of this statement is critical though. If we do not know ourselves inwardly, we cannot work at the interface described.  We cannot keep culture at bay and imprint our own family values and traditions on our children if we do not know what these are.

Parenting is often noisy, repetitive, challenging, sleep-deprived, joyful, busy, exhausting.  Yet, at this time and in this place, we must learn to find the moments of stillness, the moments to be present, the moment to step back and see through all the movement to the frozen frame of the faces of the ones we hold dearest in our hearts.  We must find moments to think and to ponder and to dream.  This could be just several minutes in the morning, a few more minutes at quiet time, a moment for tea in the afternoon and a few moments before bed.  Find a blank notebook, and start writing your thoughts down.  Write about how you want to parent, your own areas of challenge as a parent and as a couple, write about what you want your children to value, write about the family traditions you would like to start; small this year and adding every year after.  Write your own biography.  Learn about yourself along this journey, and love yourself for all the positive things you do, all the mistakes made along the way, all the times you have had self-control, all the times you have been joyous in your family life, all the moments of authenticity so your children know who you are.

Dream those big dreams for peace for your household and peace for the world.

Good night, dear reader, and peace onto you and yours.

Carrie