Children, Media and More Wise Words From Marsha Johnson

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(SORRY!  I originally had the WRONG link in this post!  It is corrected now!)

This is about media for the child under age 12!  Great thoughts you can take and tailor to your own family!  Mrs. Johnson is a veteran Waldorf teacher and has a wonderful Yahoo!Group for issues solely related to Waldorf homeschooling.  Please see this link to join:  www.waldorfhomeeducators @yahoogroups.com

Mrs. Johnson writes:

“I myself am nearly 100 % convinced that the most dangerous item in the home for children age 12 and younger is the television (including video games and computers). I believe we can trace use of this device to hyperactivity disorders, certain types of autism, and as well, a general reduction of the intelligence level of modern humans. Poor vocabulary (televisions are geared for a very low level of academic level), poor reading, poor spelling, a training for a short-bite experience in every single part of life, unrealistic life expectations built on fantasy pre-scripted television or dramatic episodes which are choreographed and pre-dictated, loss of interest in social or community interaction, loss of confidence building in experiencing ‘real-life’ interactions with physical substances or encountering mother nature (let’s go camping on the WII!), loss of physical development that is associated with moving all four limbs and using your brain to ride bikes, ice skate, row a boat, actually go fishing or driving or whatever.
The worst of all is the ads that show ridiculous situations such as the road -trip family with a beautiful southwest vista, i.e., Grand Canyon, and the kids are happy because there is a VIDEO player in the ceiling of the dang car.
I would if I could, take away all access to children 12 and younger. Yes go to the movies. Yes, go as a family, say three to four times per year and pick carefully and make it a big deal and go and sit together and enjoy it as a family. Go out for a meal afterwards and talk about it. Use it as an infrequent family outing, balanced with other family outings. You do not have to miss Avatar or Star Trek or the Dinosaur Walk thingy. Go as a family and make it a family activity, participating in a ritualistic group event that is rationale and rare.
Children are born with a natural capacity to imagine so many beautiful worlds and spirits. To see spirit beings and talk with them, to connect for a few breath taking years directly with the spiritual world…..it passes away so fast! Each moment your child under the age of 7, in my opinion, sits in front of a tv or a video land, you are literally draining that capacity like a hose will drain a swimming pool. Yes, just stealing it away.
It is impossible for our children to ignore this beast, in the vast majority of cases. Why don’t we keep a bowl of white sugar on the counter with a spoon, nearby? Or cans of plain soda pop, full of chemicals and caffeine and colorings? Most of you would not dream of allowing your children to eat Twinkies and Sugar Daddies for supper, but would and do accept the drug of the screen, those flashing icy blue brain-wave changing ‘eyes’ to totally overtake your children on a regular basis.
After 12, it is quite different I think, and certainly after 14. But it is not only age, it is also type of being: the highly awake nerve sense child (quick, brilliant, but like a literal sponge) will be sucked much more easily than the will-dominant child (have to MOVE) or the heart-feeling child (who will have to act it out, color at the same time, rush off to dress up, talk about the event at the same time, etc etc). The nerve-sense child has only to hear a ditty ONE TIME and they can sing if flawlessly, forever! :L
Yes, there is plenty of research out there. Check it out yourself. We forget how to think (or never learn), forget how to just be (never without stimulation) and forget how to dream (it has all been sucked out of us….the soil is dried and hardened…).
The solution? If your family is tv-addicted or screen-addicted, don’t just toss it out, replace it with fun and interesting activities at first, go join a folk dance team, go to church, have a family board game night, go camping, and ‘forget’ batteries. Slowly reduce and remove screen time and be sure your spouse is completely on board (haha this will fail is papa still needs to watch football add day Sat and Sun).
Keep a tv if you must have one, and lock it up like you would guns or alcohol. Use it as an adult choice. Figure out how to secure your computer with a password and do not tell the kids what it is. Refuse to buy games or systems and if your children visit other people’s homes, call first and ask the mama or daddy, please avoid the use of xyz when Sally visits, we are allergic to nintendo, playstation, blah blah blah and I would like to ask that they not use that while in your home having a nice play date.
Refuse to buy cable or machines that bring in more channels, etc. If you do keep a tv, set it with a parent-control to boring programs like news on the public radio channel. Use your computer at night after the kids are in bed (7 pm) and you can spend a little time catching up. Avoid texting or using your cell phone when you are with your children. Spend TIME with your children, set aside a time for cell phone use and tell your friends and family, call me at xyz time, please. Otherwise I will be with my kids.
Set examples and form neighborhood bike rallies, bake holiday treats as a group, set up a tree house or back yard fort, build a bbq pit and make bonfires, be the neighborhood active parent whose home is filled with kids and laughter..put on a spring play for the neighborhood and invite others to a bowling party or whatever.
Make it a priority and you may be able to positively affect your child, in this day and age when we are voluntarily allowing ourselves to be literally devoured by the giant materialistic machine of commericalism. Worse than the gingerbread house witch by far, the dependence and consumption of the screens on our waking hours is by far the greatest danger to the human race at this point in time.
Mrs M”

(Carrie here:  I spoke about this in my talk the other night on “The Waldorf Connection”; that there really isn’t any “no” in Waldorf, just the question of  “when”  and how there are some ages to bring things in more than others.  One must always ask oneself when supplying information and activities, is this necessary NOW?  What age would this be good or necessary?  If we do this NOW or my child knows all this NOW, what will my child be doing when they are 10 or 14 or 20?  Things should be different at different ages, not everything should be handed to one’s child on a platter when they are four years of age!  Protect your child’s innocence and childhood, it is more important than ever as they are going to grow up into a world that moves even faster and has more technology  than we do at this moment!)

Many blessings for today,

Carrie

Dads Out There?

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Most of what I write is geared toward  mothers, but I am becoming aware of a number of fathers who also come to this space!  Hello to all the fathers out there!  I appreciate you being here!

At the end of last night’s show (see www.thewaldorfconnection.com), a Dad called in asking how to make use of the limited weekday time with the under-7 child.

Families do things all different ways; I have seen families push back bedtimes so the children can play with Dad, have a snack with Dad, etc before bed.  Some children do wonderfully with this and some children go waaaaay off the deep end with this end and the night ends with tears and do better with Dad parenting them to sleep – walking a small child around, singing to their child, back rubs, massages, telling wonderful stories.

I have harped on this time and time again:  you are creating your family culture together.  Parenting is in the doing!  Mothers, give up control and parent together.  You love this man enough to marry him, to have children with him, he is the parent as well!    Mothers  will wail to me,  “But he doesn’t do it the way I do it!”  Uh, yes, isn’t that the point?  There is a place for mothering and fathering and we are thrilled to have both! 

Children need to have their fathers; fathers bring so many wonderful things to the table for children.  I will write more about this in the future, but in the meantime, here are some back posts to read and ponder:

An old favorite: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/23/the-necessity-of-mothering-and-fathering/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/27/more-on-marriage-how-do-you-work-with-the-differences/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/18/fathers-and-daughters-part-one/                                                             https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/20/fathers-and-daughters-part-two/

Dads and homeschooling:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/15/a-letter-to-all-those-dads-undecided-about-homeschooling/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/20/dads-waldorf-homeschooling-and-parenting/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/23/when-both-parents-need-a-break/

Love and respect:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/06/simple-february-love-for-your-partner/

Dads might be interested in this:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/30/rite-of-passage-parenting-four-essential-experiences-to-equip-your-kids-for-life-heading-up-to-the-nine-year-change-and-beyond/

Just to keep you busy!

Blessings,

Carrie

A Review: “Kindergarten With Your Three To Six Year Old” by Donna Simmons

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This is a spiral bound book of 100 pages  by Donna Simmons of Christopherus Homeschool Resources,  and it really is a book that you can turn to time and time again.  I have even  had parents who are not Waldorf homeschooling  tell me how valuable they thought this book was for the Early Years and homemaking with small children!    So, I think this book would be worth the addition to your library.

I love Donna’s Introduction.  One thing she wryly notes, “Let’s not forget that Waldorf Kindergartens are based on what a healthy home environment should be like!  So it seems an odd reversal that parents now seek to make little Waldorf kindergartens at home!  You do not need hundreds of verses, scores of songs, stacks of fairy tales to “do kindergarten”:  you need strong and nurturing family rhythms; opportunities for open-ended play; the will to include your children in household tasks; and the courage to tell stories to your children.” 

This book, as Donna remarks herself in the Introduction, is not a set curriculum to tell you what to do everyday.  She goes on in this book,  however, to provide tools for you to establish a healthy homelife, which is really what the Kindergarten Years should be about.  She talks extensively about the major “points” of Kindergarten:  physical activity, developing the senses, the idea that the small child is one with his or her surroundings, imitation, creative play.  She even  has a chapter as to what to do about people outside your family – what do you do about neighbors, people wanting your children to watch TV or play video games in these Early Years, how do you do play dates?

One of the most valuable sections in the book is the section on “Family Life.” In it are many examples of rhythms, how to create a strong family rhythm, how to work with multiple children because homeschooling is first and foremost about family, how to choose toys, what to do about electronic media, ideas about discipline and about children with special needs. 

One chapter is entitled “A Typical Day” and runs through several different rhythms and then goes on to discuss how to do different components of the rhythm – household chores, morning walks, story times, creative play, bed and rest times.

She has recipes for making salt dough, how to wet on wet watercolor paint, how to make a nature table, cooking with small children,  ideas for crafts and handwork, coloring and drawing, and how to choose fairy tales and tell them. 

I think a very valuable section of this book is “The Six Year Old” chapter.  As many of you know, I think that the six-year-old Kindergarten year is very, very important and that the child  should be seven for most of first grade.  This chapter provides some very excellent ideas regarding how to structure that six-year-old year, projects to include, what to do with academic interest in the six-year-old year and answers to other challenges that are unique to the six-year-old year. 

There is also a Questions and Answers section, and a section that includes a scattering of fairy tales, traditional rhymes and seasonal verses, music,  and a section on what to read next to educate yourself as to Waldorf education and Waldorf parenting. 

Here is link to look at this book yourself:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/bookstore-for-waldorf-homeschooling/early-years/kindie.html

Happy reading,

Carrie

Where Do I Start With Gentle Discipline?

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Whew, several folks have asked this and this is such a big subject to even attempt to cover in one post, but I will try.  I think actually the first thing to start with is to give yourself permission to be learning, to be human, to be imperfect.  I find that when parents start to learn about gentle discipline, they feel as if they did everything wrong in the past and feel guilty.  Please don’t.  You were doing the best you could at the time with the information you had and that is where you were in your parenting journey. I congratulate you for making a commitment to move forward and toward parenting in a different way, perhaps in even  a more mindful way than before.

The second thing, I think, is to explore what gentle discipline brings up for you.  Does it bring forth fears that there will be no boundaries for your child?   Does it seem as if you have no tools to replace yelling at your child?  Does it seem like you chronically lose your temper with your child, and you aren’t sure how gentle discipline is going to help? I think these are things to explore and think about.

Third, look at how you view the small child.  If your view of the child is that the small child is a miniature adult, that they think and rationalize and intellectualize things the way you do, that all they need is information and to be treated by you the way you would want to be treated, then I would say you probably will be disappointed.  Not because children are “bad” or “defiant”, but because they are learning!  It takes a lot of effort and repetition to guide a child!  Yes, children need to be treated with dignity and respect and warmth and love; they deserve this and they will imitate what you do!  Actions speak louder than words!  However, a small child, to me at least, has a completely different consciousness than an adult and I think you need different tools to access this and guide this rather than just your voice.  How many times do you say the same thing to your child over and over and over?  Try something different, try movement and physically guiding and fantasy and play and humor and less words and you may be surprised at how well that works!

Fourth, how well do you know traditional developmental stages?  Each stage has different things that come to light from both traditional viewpoints and anthroposophic viewpoints.  If you know, in general, what the ages of disequilibium are and how that typically manifests, it really helps.  If you know realistically what age a child typically starts to dress themselves or pick  up their rooms, that helps.  I find realistic expectations are often  a strong key to controlling parental anger.  Are you creating a battle with your child in your mind over things that should not be battles? 

Fifth, it is not just about your child; it is about you.  Parenting will make you stretch and grow in so many ways; it is like a yoga pose you cannot move out of sometimes!    What kind of baggage are you carrying around from your own childhood and are you trying to check it into your child’s luggage?  How is anger and other negative emotions dealt with in your home?  How are you and your partner?  How is the rhythm of your home- is that a help or a hindrance in guiding your child?  How much outside time are you getting?  Is the tone of your home generally warm and calm or chaotic or cold?  How is your attitude?  Where is your own inner work?  Is your house a visually cluttered place with too many things?  Where is the beauty?

If you look on this blog, you just might find a few things to start you down a different path.

Hope that helps!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Beyond The Forty Days: What Next?

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I have written some blog posts in the past regarding the forty days after birth as a time to be easy on oneself, a time to be with one’s baby.  Then, you may ask, what happens after the forty days are finished and people expect you to be “normal” and “back to your old self” ?

I had a friend the other day tell me she thought the time when a baby was  between two to four months old was actually very challenging, because people stop coming over to visit.  They stop bringing you meals.  People expect your older children to get places and participate in things.  Meanwhile, you are juggling a baby who is perhaps already starting to get teeth and who is not sleeping well or juggling a baby who is not sleeping well because he or she is doing new things developmentally. 

But  there are still  those moments to drink in and savor.  Those first smiles and laughter.  Those dimpled cheeks and chubby thighs.  The first time they roll over.  The way they wave their hands and feet when you sing to them.

Sometimes, with parenting, all you can do is hold on. Enjoy those wonderful moments, learn to ask for help when you need it, learn to seek out the company of people who parent like you as you find your own path.  And the path will change as you get older, because you are still growing and evolving, and the path will change the more children you have because children are all different and have different things to teach us.  And so we learn and we grow with our babies.

But, we can never err on the side of being gentle.  We can never err on the side of bringing light to our family.  We can never err by seeking out and becoming a part of a supportive community of  mothers and parents.  We can never err by choosing a path mindfully, even as we give ourselves leeway to do things differently down the road with different children. 

Children deserve our honor and our gentle voice and hands.  They deserve recognition that they are indeed different than adults.  They deserve to have a childhood filled with warmth and love.

And as mothers, we deserve support, we deserve love, we deserve peace.  We deserve a partner to make our load lighter and our steps happier, we deserve cherished friends to make the road a joyful one, a faith to make it all possible, and laughter along the way.

May all of these simple joys be yours in this Simple February!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Which Early Years Book Should I Buy?

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In my mind, the ‘big three” of the Early Years books are “Beyond the Rainbow Bridge:  Nurturing Our Children From Birth To Seven” by Barbara Patterson and Pamela Bradley; “You Are Your Child’s First Teacher” by Rahima Baldwin Dancy; “Heaven On Earth” by Sharifa Oppenheimer.

Here is a quick run-down of each book, and then some additional resources for you consider.

“Beyond the Rainbow Bridge:  Nurturing Our Children From Birth to Seven” is frequently, at least in my area, given out at Parent/Child classes in the Waldorf schools.  So, although the information in this book could definitely be applied to older Kindergarteners, there are plenty of nuggets of wisdom for the younger set.  This book is soft-cover and is 193 pages long. The chapters in this book mainly focus on warmth, rhythm, play at different stages (newborn to two and a half; two-and-a-half to age five and age five to seven), developing the twelve senses and a section on creative discipline.  There is also a section on Parent/Child classes, some sample crafts, verses and a fairy tale list.

My recommendation for this book would be to look for it if your children are younger or  if you are involved in a Parent/Child class for the first time.

“You Are Your Child’s First Teacher” by Rahima Baldwin Dancy is often available through your library system, so look for it there first.  This is a book I turn to time and time again, because I read different things in different ways as my children grow and I look back on those ages.  This book covers a lot of territory, starting with the notion that children are not tiny adults, that the consciousness is different, going into receiving and caring for your newborn, looking at the stages of babyhood and toddler hood through the lens of learning to walk, mastering language, the emergence of thinking and of self.  There are chapter on helping the development of your baby and toddler, parenting issues of the first three years, developing your child’s fantasy and creative play, developing your child’s imagination and artistic ability and musical abilities, rhythm and discipline in home life and more about play-based kindergarten experiences and parenting issues.  This book is also soft-cover and is 385 pages long.  Whilst I don’t agree with every single thing in here, there is much to be treasured.  In fact, you may get it from your library and then decide you would like a copy of your own!  I am positive you can find this book used and get it  fairly cheaply.

“Heaven On Earth:  A Handbook for Parents of Young Children” by Sharifa Oppenheimer is a soft-bound book of 235 pages.  There are many concrete examples in this book of, for example, a rhythm of weekly breakfasts, songs and verses, recipes, lists of things such as “elements of a balanced outdoor playspace”, and more.  The unique layout feature of this book is the boxes that these lists and recipes come in in the margins of the pages. There is quite a lot to digest in this book, and I think it would be easy to plan some concrete changes in the rhythm of your life based on some of the things in this book.  I would suggest you IGNORE completely the references to time-out in this book, that really did bother me, as time-out is not something I have ever seen reference to in any other Waldorf Early Years book.  Many mothers love this book, some Waldorf schools run “book club” type meetings around its chapters, so I think this one is worth checking out.

Other references you may consider reading include “Simplicity Parenting” ( I have a review on this blog; it is hard cover and I have heard some library systems have this book);  Donna Simmons’ “Joyful Movement” which has information about the holistic development of wee ones with lots of concrete suggestions about what to do and not do for different ages and also  Donna Simmons’ “Kindergarten With Your Three to Six Year Old”.  I have heard some mothers who like Melisa Nielsen’s “Before the Journey” – this book does have crafts, recipes, and follows the festivals/seasons of the year.  It is in story format and  tells how four different women of different religious/socio-economic backgrounds bring Waldorf parenting and education into the lives of their small children in a journal –type form where each of the four mothers (one for each season) journals about what they are doing and what they are discovering.   The other book many people in my area discount because they cannot stand the way breastfeeding and other attachment practices are viewed is Joan Salter’s “The Incarnating Child.”  I think if you can ignore the references to weaning and such, there are many gems to be found in that book from an anthroposophic viewpoint (but I also know so many AP parents who read it and were completely turned off  and turned away from Waldorf because of that book so please don’t say I didn’t warn you, I am an AP parent as well!)  So, again, if you can read it and ignore the fact it is not AP and just cherry-pick the anthroposophic nuggets out of it here and there, I think you will be okay.

Hope that helps!

Carrie

Chinese New Year in the Waldorf Home

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You thought this month was going to be all Valentine’s Day?  Well, no, because today my wonderful friend came over and brought her Chinese heritage with her to help us ready our house for the Chinese New Year!

The first thing we did was to make Pearl Balls – which are essentially ground pork mixed with fresh water chestnuts (the fresh ones are a different creature than those things in a can!), scallions, soy sauce, kosher salt, ginger and garlic – made into balls and rolled in gelatinous rice.  Then you steam them in one of those tiered bamboo steamers over a wok  for about an hour and half.  You dip them in a dipping sauce made from soy sauce, balsamic vinegar, hot chili pepper sesame oil and ginger, garlic and scallions and eat them with your chopsticks!  Yum!

Whilst those were steaming, we were busy writing Chinese characters for good luck on red construction paper to put on our front door, listening to my friend count from  one to 10 in Mandarin, hearing a story about the Kitchen God, and  then making these sweet little Chinese tissue paper crafts…. We also had a great time looking up what year everyone was born and what animal that corresponded to on the Chinese Zodiac and such.  Good times!

Other traditions my friend passed on to me, is that the traditional meal on Chinese New Year’s consists of having foods that are as whole as possible (for example, a whole fish steamed in the bamboo steamer with the head and tail on; you can use your chopsticks to poke around and  eat it); having noodles for long life and health; not sweeping  or cleaning anything on the Chinese New Year (because you don’t want to sweep your good luck or good fortune out the door as well!); having your children stay up as late as possible on the night before Chinese New Year because this ensures the parents will live a long life; and making lots of noise on the Chinese New Year to scare any evil spirits away.  What fabulous traditions and what fun to sit around and talk about!

Here are a few books that may be of assistance to you as you plan your own Chinese New Year’s celebration:

http://www.amazon.com/Moonbeams-Dumplings-Dragon-Boats-Activities/dp/0152019839/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265737650&sr=1-1

and here:  http://www.amazon.com/1-Go-Huy-Voun-Lee/dp/080506205X/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_2

For more from a Waldorf point of view, please see over at Our Little Nature Nest here:  http://naturenest.wordpress.com/2010/02/08/songs-on-sunday-gung-hay-fat-choy-happy-chinese-new-year/

Please leave your favorite Chinese New Year’s tradition in the comment box below!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Simple February: Love For Your Partner

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No one sets off to fall “out of love” with their partner.  Sometimes, though, as careers and finances and parenting and life just settle in all around us, in those spaces and cracks  between us and our partner, we can feel less than loving.  It can be hard to remember back to those first days of being in love with our partner or spouse, how our heart raced, how much we wanted to be with that person every minute, how excited we were to get married and be together!

I think you can recapture this feeling in your marriage or partnership, but all too often mothers put their spouse and their marital relationship dead last on the list of priorities.  Or something that I hear many mothers speak of is this “growing apart” –wanting different ways to relax at the end of the day, different ways to want to spend the precious amount of time one may get alone whilst raising small children, and how to balance spending time as a family, together as a couple and alone….It is challenging to say the least.

I  think “love”, traditionally associated with this month due to St. Valentine’s Day is a good, simple place to start in your most treasured relationship. Love can be a noun, but it also can be a verb.  So in this simple month of February, how can you make this feeling of  love come alive  for your partner in  life?

Sometimes it is the very small things, such as bringing your spouse a glass of water whilst they are working outside on a hot day. Sometimes it is the large things, supporting your partner through work situations or backing your partner up in parenting. 

How else  will love become a verb this month in your own home, in your own reality?  Here are some random thoughts I had:

  • Many fathers seem to feel “scheduling” time together is not very  spontaneous (which it is not) or romantic (but it can be!)  When is there time for just you and your spouse?  In the early years of attachment parenting, it is very easy to get caught up in your baby’s and toddler’s needs; it is necessary. But, at the same time, you cannot put your marriage and relationship last on the list for years on end! 
  • I don’t think you need to escape from your baby or toddler in order to be together.  Catch those moments together during nap times, have take-out and a movie to play after your little one goes to bed, steal away for intimacy in the middle of the night. Be creative with gathering those bits of time in busy family life, because your marriage is worth it.
  • Physical intimacy!   It is so important!
  • If you are in different places as far as what you like to do together, see if you can compromise and each get to pick different things to do as a couple.  How often do you just sit and talk about things that don’t involve finances, the house, the children?  That is so valuable to just connect with each other.
  • Think about what your spouse hears from you when he walks in the door: does he only hear you upset and complaining or nagging or does he hear how happy you are to see him, how much you missed him today, how much you love him?  Do you ever thank him for the things he does do that you enjoy, that are helpful to you?  Can you be cheerful and tell him the good things that happen during the day as well as the sorrows?
  • Do you try to be attractive for yourself and for him as well?  Yes, I know that sounds so old-fashioned, but I think that is part of my job as a wife to be clean and attractive to him.  I also like to try to pick up the house before my husband gets home, so he is not coming home to a sea of chair forts with blankets everywhere.  I try to have a warm dinner ready so we can eat together as a family.  When you have small children, these seemingly basic things can be so challenging in themselves, but I think it is of worth to work on them as your children grow.

For simple February, love really is all you need.  Make it a verb and see what you can do to grow together.  Twenty years from now your children will be gone, and you want to have a loving relationship through all those years and beyond. Simplicity means picking priorities, and this really should be one of them!

Simple times this month,

Carrie

Simple February

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We focused a lot on joy in January, and February is now the month to really look at how simple life can be; how confidence can grow when we intuit onto the right path.  Mothers in my local area have often  asked me how they can gain confidence with their parenting decisions, with the decision to homeschool, with the business of raising a family and creating a family culture.  I think this goes back to making life simple:  what do you feel in your heart?

I live in a large metropolitan area.  When I go to the giant Farmer’s Market, it really strikes me to look around at just the large number of people of all different races, backgrounds, ethnicities in one area.  They were not all raised the same way.  Their culture, perhaps their religion, perhaps their education, all influenced how they became who they are. Their experiences, the people they have loved and the people who have loved them, have all contributed to who they are and how they see things.  We all have similarities, but we all look at things differently.  And for some reason, that brings me comfort.  The world is a big place, there are many ways of doing things,  and certainly I cannot err if I approach things gently and with love and with patience.  I can be  easy with myself, and know that while there may be one path that works well for me, it is not the same for all families and there are many wonderful people in the world raised in different ways…Again, if I am gentle and kind and patient, I am doing the best for my family.

Mothers ask me:  well, but how do I find the right path for my family?  I am just researching myself to death!

I have a suggestion for you!  For February, look at yourself.  We talk a lot about biography in Waldorf, but I also think it is really relevant in parenting as well.  Who are you?  What do you believe?  Why do you believe that?  How have your experiences influenced what you believe?  Your values?  The truth is, the way to gain confidence in parenting  is to really know yourself.  Dig deep. Know what irritates you, what calms you, what and who you love, what matters and what doesn’t.  Know what is essential for you and your family and what is not.  There are only so many hours in the day, and to me, I cannot waste these short hours and days on non-essential things.

Once you decide how your biography plays into things, the essential and non-essential things in your life, then your confidence will grow.  You will also be able to pull one thing out at a time and work on changing that one thing for forty days.  Once you decide what is essential and non-essential, you will handle criticism with confidence.  You will be able to carry on!

Simple days in February!

Many blessings,

Carrie

Down The Road I Go

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I was on  my way home from the gym last night and this country tune came on the radio as I was flipping the channels, and boy, did the lyrics really catch my ear!  “Livin’ life like a Sunday stroll/ Free and easy down the road I go.”

Awesome!

How many of you are stressed out, nervous and anxious about your parenting path?  About discipline?  About homeschooling?  How much is too much, or is it not enough?  How to deal with family members?  With friends whom you suddenly feel apart from?

I think actually when your child is three or four years of age, this can be a hard time for mothers.  Presumably you have made it through the whole “your child is still breastfeeding?”  and the whole “your child sleeps where?”, but now the discipline questions and the school questions really come to the forefront.  It can be so isolating to feel as if you are parenting and looking at school choices so differently than everyone else!

I want to encourage you to hang in there!  What choices you make now do matter for the future, and I find we are in a strange dichotomy in society today with parenting:  we seem to  have either the “hover parents” who are scared to let their children out of their sight and hold on so tightly, or we have the parents who seem to treat parenting a child as if it is an inconvenience.  And I guess somewhere in between is those of us who are trying to make  thoughtful choices whilst not losing the forest for the trees!  And please, if you are judging yourself that in the past you were not mindful about your parenting choices and are now trying to change, please congratulate yourself on your success, on your baby steps of progress, and stop beating yourself up over your perceived “failures”.  Life and parenting is a journey, and we all have to start somewhere!

Rest easy, my friends.  Lighten your load for this month of February and take it day by day.  You really don’t have to have all the answers today.  Some of parenting is just experience, and growing in confidence.  No one has really asked me with my third where he sleeps or how long he is going to breastfeed or when I am going to put him in school.  And if they did ask, it wouldn’t bother me to tell them.  I feel happy and confident with my parenting and schooling choices, but I also don’t feel the need to judge anyone else’s choices. 

If you seem happy and confident, then people tend to leave you alone.  If you seem anxious or stressed, people want to step in and “help”, which typically includes suggestions to cry it out, wean, send your child away to school….Try to see their motives as positive, and if their motives truly are not positive, feel free to tell them the topic is really not up for discussion!

Most of all, be joyous and have patience!  It takes time to figure things out in parenting, and in ten years, you may see some things in parenting much differently than you do now.  Be that free and easy soul and relax into your loving family.

Simple times,

Carrie