Category Archives: Family Life

Suggestions for Dental Trauma in Children

Posted on by
6

So, unfortunately our family has a lot of experience in this area and we recently gained some more experience when our little 8 year old fell on a concrete floor, didn’t put his hands out, and fractured both front teeth and nearly knocked them out.  This happened a month ago, and the dentist was surprised at our follow-up appointment yesterday that our son hasn’t had to have double root canals yet nor has he lost the teeth.

So, I am NOT a doctor or a dentist or anyone important. I am just a mom and sharing my experience in case this ever happens (hopefully not) to one of your children so you can be prepared.

If you don’t know much about teeth, this is my understanding of dental trauma.  The tooth is covered by white enamel and a hard layer under that called the dentin.  Inside of the dentin is a soft layer called the pulp that contains blood vessels, nerves, and connective tissue.  The pulp extends from the crown of the tooth to the tip of the roots where it connects the tissues surrounding the pulp. Usually adult teeth that have been dislodged  will need a root canal.   A tooth can survive without the pulp, which is the basis for something like a root canal.  The root canal, especially in adults,  is usually started within a few days of the injury. The pulp is cleaned out ( so all those vital structures such as blood vessels, nerves, etc are removed, because if things are traumatized or dying or dead, it generally leads to infection, the body reabsorbing the nerves and losing the tooth permanently and other things) and a medication is put in with a permanent root canal filling placed later.

However, children ages 7-12 may or may not need a root canal since the nerve roots are still developing. In this case, the child needs very careful long term follow up because sometimes the nerves of the teeth will die off without a lot of symptoms, the body will re-absorb the root and the permanent tooth will fall out.  So, in a way, a root canal “saves” a tooth, but the tooth is not alive and becomes a  sort of a placeholder.  There is new research (I am guessing experimental still at this point???)   that in young people stem cells present in the pulps of the teeth can be stimulated to complete nerve root growth and heal the pulp, but I don’t know anywhere doing this in practice in my area.

ANY dental injury should be seen by a dentist immediately.  Again, I am not a dentist but it seems that you cannot tell from the tooth or the bleeding how damaged the pulp is.  Neighboring teeth that were not directly  hit are often affected as well.   If a tooth is completely knocked out, is it important to handle the tooth gently, not touch the root and it needs to be placed back into the socket immediately by the dentist.  There are solutions you can buy at the drugstore to keep the tooth in until you can get to the dentist.  If the teeth are luxated, or moved, due to trauma, you need to see a dentist right away as well.

So, before something happens, talk to your dentist.  What do they advise you to do in dental emergencies?  Do they have emergency hours?  An emergency phone number?  If a 6-10 year old knocks out or badly hits a permanent tooth, do they treat it different than a 12-15 year old knocking out a permanent tooth?  Would you need to follow up with an endodontist right away?  What does the endodontist they refer to typically do?

So, now I want to share some things that we did that I think were helpful,things that were  a little out of the box.  Traditionally, since we don’t have stimulation of stem cells in teeth present in my area that I know of, which is probably experimental I guess but being mentioned in literature,  is just sort of  “wait and see”.  This is very stressful, and I  personally couldn’t accept that the nerve roots might just die or he might just lose his permanent teeth at only 8 years old. I thought even if I could save one tooth from a root canal that would be important.   So, the three main things we tried included cold laser therapy, chiropractic adjustments, hyberbaric oxygen therapy, and ozone therapy. Mainly we tried these things because I was familiar from hyberbaric oxygen therapy from working with burns and wounds and injuries, and the other things we learned about from friends and health care professionals.

One thing I would recommend is to locate who does ozone therapy for teeth in your area. If injury happens, you want to run to your pediatric dentist right away because most likely the teeth need to be splinted and xrays taken. They may use a local numbing agent as well because with this type of injury, especially to both front permanent teeth, it is exceedingly painful.

We had an ozone shot one week after injury but I wish I had known about it and done it within 48 hours after injury.  I learned about ozone therapy, not through our dentist, but through the place where we initally went for hyperbaric oxygen some days post-injury, but then it took me time to find a dentist who did it and to get an appointment.  There doesn’t seem to be much of a protocol on using ozone with injured teeth, but it does increase circulation and healing.  We only had it once, and I am not sure about whether or not it would be effective now that we are one month post injury to have it again.

We started cold laser therapy about 36 hours after injury. Our chiropractor happened to have one available so that is how we got to start so soon.   Many cold laser protocols say 10 sessions as a general protocol, but consult with your practicioner as there are different protocols out there and different cold laser systems.   We also started using hyperbaric oxygen therapy 72 hours after his injury. We went to a hyperbaric oxygen place for the first few sessions, but I  had a wonderful friend who let me borrow her tank so we can use it at home.    Most hyperbaric oxygen places seem to say “40 hours” in response to many traumas, so we are aiming for 40 hours or more during the next few months. We have about 15 hours in so far as we had some lag time in between what we could afford and in receiving and setting up the tank that we borrowed.

We went back to the dentist yesterday, one month after injury, and the splint was removed.  The teeth still feel a bit wobbly, which the dentist said is not totally unexpected after splint removal.  Our little guy will have to be carefully followed up through the next six months to a year with xrays to make certain that the root hasn’t died (which you can’t really tell by an xray, but you can tell if the body is re-absorbing the nerve that at that point must be dead).

We also had follow up with an endodontist and will have to continue to see him as well over the next six months to a year as we don’t know for sure if root canals will be needed or not (although it’s a good sign they were not needed yet!).  The first endodontist we went to wanted to do double root canals one week post injury due to lack of sensation to cold but the second endodontist we went to said that sometimes this is not completely uncommon one week after injury and in a small child there would need to be other indicators in addition to lack of cold sensation.  So, again, sometimes things can happen with the nerve root with no symptoms,which is why close follow up with xrays is important,  but many times there are symptoms of nerves dying such as discoloration to the tooth, pain with hot or cold liquids, pain with eating.  I think although a root canal only takes a small amount of time, because it cleans out vital structures, it is important to have more than one opinion and if necessary, to have someone who will be willing to follow your child closely, especially if they are under 12 years of age.

The homeopathics we used  for the first 72 hours after injury included arnica pellets, hypericum pellets, and yes, old fashioned ibuprofen for pain relief.  I didn’t have any helichrysum essential oil (it is expensive), but a knowledgeable friend knew it was good for inflammation and helping nerves heal. I had a topical only blend for skin care that had helichrysum in it and used that topically on the upper lip area, but will be getting this oil soon and will use it in a mouthwash type preparation to help over the next few months.

The other thing we had was a lot of prayers and healing touch from people we knew who were prayer warriors, positive wishes from many, and healing touch practicioners who healed from afar.  Our son was even prayed for at the Kurst Root Icon, which comforted me to no end, and I thank my Orthodox readers.  Our parish has said healing prayers  (he was also bit by a dog several weeks ago above his upper lip and needed stitches), and we had a wonderful discussion with our Children’s Director who  was invaluable in knowing just what to say!   Our parish has healing services with holy oil, so that also is comforting to us.

We have a long six months to a year ahead of us, but I hope by sharing this experience it helps someone else if their child is hurt in this way. Get second opinions, and don’t ever accept just “wait and see.”  We are made wonderful, and while complete healing is not always possible, it is always possible to try.

Blessings and love,
Carrie

Growth Mindset + Waldorf Homeschooling

Posted on by
4

Waldorf homeschooling and Waldorf Education is amazing in that it teaches and guides children to be true “Renaissance People” – ones who can nurture themselves, humanity and the environment, provide compassion for others, explore all of the traditional arts and handicrafts, music, drama, academics and more.

Growth Mindset is the idea that individuals can develop their talents and their learning through hard work, good strategies,  repeated mistakes and growth from those mistakes, and input from others, as opposed to just “I was born smart” or “I was born dumb.”  This idea is one that is certainly trending in both education and in business. So,  I want to be very clear that to me all the talk about “growth mindset” as a growing educational trend in public schools has been in Waldorf Education all along through such things as  repeated attempts at mastery, repeated resilience to do and try things that are foreign, not just  doing the things that are comfortable, the use of a strong classroom organism to help an individual grow and more.

So where does the idea of growth mindset fit into Waldorf homeschooling?  Sometimes it is harder at home, I believe.  We may have a second grader comparing him or herself to much older siblings.  We may have children that seem unmotivated no matter how much vigor we bring to designing a lesson, and with no peer group to carry it along, it can be harder.  These are a few of the realities that homeschooling families face in the day to day of being in the trenches with our children as teachers and as parents.  However, we can certainly impart a growth mindset to our children and we can do this in accordance with the developmental features of Waldorf Education.

For those under the age of 9, we MODEL growth mindset for our children.  We look for times when we make mistakes and bring what we have learned that to the forefront as in incredible model.  We can use words to describe the process and the hard work of creating rather than focusing on the outcome, and we can use  brillant phrasing -short and concise- to help our children.  If you don’t know what to say, try the list here.  We don’t need to psychoanalyze what growth mindset is for our six-year-old, but we just do it in our actions and in the way we approach thing. We help find strategies that help our children be successful, and help them develop the skills to try again.  Ways to do that include not just “book work” but problem solving in outdoor play in a group of children and allowing plenty of time for free play and exploration.  If you absolutely MUST read books to your children about growth mindset, please let it be a little more sideways than what you would use with a ten-year-old.  I like books like “Flight School” by Lita Judge; “Whistle for Willie” by Ezra Jack Keats; “Brave Irene” by William Steig, “Extra Yarn” by Barrett, “the Dot” and “Ish” by Reynolds as examples of growth mindset that don’t hit you over the head but show the model of resilience and perseverance.

For those ages ten and up, I think you can start to delve a little deeper, especially for those children that are struggling in this area due to perfectionism or due to learning disabilities and who have already realized they are not quite where their friends are academically.  We still model, we still use the great words, but we work hard to help THEM develop their own strategies to be successful.  This is what they will need in the upper grades.  I like books like “Hana Hashimoto: Sixth Violin” by Uegaki and Leng  as an example of the hard work needed to shine.    I think it can be important for both of these groups of children to hear this.

For those twelve and up,  you can get a little more heady since they have more skills to see cause and effect readily.  “Your Fantastic, Elastic Brain” by Deak and Ackerly is a good place to start, and there are some wonderful resources for growth mindset for middle schoolers available on Teachers Pay Teachers.  I have used this ten lesson unit by Angela Watson with our upper middle and lower high schoolers.  Books for children this age include “Salt In His Shoes” by Dolores Jordan, “Nadia, The Girl Who Couldn’t Sit Still” by Karlin Gray, “A Splash of Red: The Life and Art of Horace Pippin,” and all the wonderful biographies we bring through history in the sixth through eighth grades as teachers.

For those past the 15/16 change and adults: They might enjoy Dweck’s “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.” and some of the other books about growth mindset available in the business section.   If a teen this age is not motivated, sometimes a gentle push toward a class or experience might just change their whole life for the better. This is the part of parenting that is hard – knowing how much to push and how much to let go when older teens are on the cusp of adulthood.  However, sometimes even older teens need an objective eye to encourage them to go for something great and to get a chance to stretch their growth mindset wings.  It will serve them well later in adulthood.

How are you nurturing growth mindset in a developmentally appropriate way?

Blessings,
Carrie

5 Steps For Raising Children To Have An In-Depth Life

Posted on by
1

In this day and age, it seems as if sometimes the most intimate and horrific things can be reduced to an emoticon.  There are not enough emoticons in the world for tragedy, outrage, and horror. And, in cases of serious challenges with rights and wrongs on both sides, there is no clear button to push on social media to express the grey.  So, instead of raising our children in an environment that expects easy and shallow answers to life’s grey questions, let’s raise them to become deep and intimate beings with capacities for willing, feeling, and thinking.

Keep your children close.  Not to micromanage, not to hover, but to be present and attentive to what the true deep needs of children are.  All children have little wants that they think are needs, but it is our job as parents to figure out what is it that this child truly and deeply needs. And we can only do that if we are paying attention over a long course of many years.    We learn to read this child through all their changes, just as when we live in one place we learn to read the signs of each season in the sky and land.  Attention leads to depth in relationships and the first ability of the child to empathize with another human being.

Keep your children outside.   Connection with nature is the foundation of emotional and mental stability, the foundation of academic greatness in many subjects due to developing keen observation skills for minute changes, but it also becomes a time when a child can learn to be with themselves. Only when we can rest peacefully in ourselves (and perhaps in  the things that are bigger than us)  can we truly have deep intimacy with others and the challenges confronting humanity.

Keep your children off of social media as long as possible.  Social media devalues things to a click, an emoticon, a passing by glance.  As much as I enjoy social media for myself, I also didn’t grow up with it and become a rich thinker through debates on all kinds of issues right at our dinner table.   Encourage reading, dinner time discussion every night, and meaningful conversations with real people.

Keep your children with great role models.  Of course, be the best role model that you can be, but I think it does take a village to help raise children,  especially as a child grows.  We never know what other teacher, what neighbor, what other adult at a place of worship or in an activity that a child loves that might spark a light in our child’s soul. Sometimes it is something that seems so small to us that makes such a big impression on them.  Build up great relationships between your children and the mentors, neighbors, or extended family they love.  I know in this day and age, where coaches are not trustworthy, neighbors are not what they seem,  etc. that this can seem scary.  However, I think it is worth the effort to find the adults you love and that your children really can be guided by.  Different seasons may need different role models outside of the family, but it is worth persuing.

Keep your children even in their relationships.  As children age into the middle grades, and early high school years, it is easy for friendships and crushes to come and go. Help your child sort out their  capabilities for emotional intelligence, how they treat people fairly, how sometimes old friends are actually the best friends, what to do when friends hurt them, how to react to conflict, how to be assertive and set boundaries and more.  This is another thing that seems simple, but if you do not have time due to outside pressures of your own, you will not be present to help your child navigate this piece of life that is becoming more and more important in today’s world.

Slow down, and embrace being unbusy.  Children are in your home for 18 years usually. It is a long time, but also short.  If you don’t slow down, you might just miss it.

Blessings and love,
Carrie

What I Want My Children To Learn During Lent

Posted on by
2

For whatever reason, I just love church during Lent. I love the tolling bells, the Decalogue (the repeating of the Ten Commandments), the Confession and Absolution, and the Trisagion.  And that is just at the beginning of the Divine Liturgy!   Lent, to me, is the time where I wander with my Lord in the desert. It is the time when I remember that my Lord was sent here to die for all of humanity and in order to truly be successful in life one must die to self and reach out into humanity in an intimate way.  For some reason, this comforts me in the midst of my wanderings and temptations and frailities of being human.

This really is so abstract for children, and since part of healthy parenting and Waldorf homeschooling really is in the way we help children unfold the deep truths  of life over time,  I am always considering in Lent what I want my children  of varying ages to absorb.

For those under  age 9, I like to go over our Baptism Vows and talk about baptism and belonging.  Part of the Baptism Liturgy for us as Episcopalians includes such beautiful language as “Will you strive for justice and peace among all people and respect the dignity of every human being?” and the prayer to give those baptized “an inquiring and discerning heart, the courage to will and to persevere, a spirit to know and love you, and the gift of joy and wonder in all your works” .  When we are baptized, we belong. Belonging and goodness is a wonderful part of baptism and how we concretely go out into the world to witness to love.  This is so easy and wonderful to do with small children!  Bake for neighbors, help others, help small creatures, wonder together!    We also take a good  look at what things are different in church – there are no flowers, for example, only branches.  There is less and less music and singing.    These very physical things in the Liturgy signify this is a different season.

For those  ages 9-14, I like to talk about how Lent corresponds to the forty days Jesus was in the desert being tempted by Satan.  God didn’t make Jesus do anything, but Jesus chose the hard things anyway.  We can choose good choices, even when the good choices are hard.  We talk about what we gain when we let things go, and how the spirit of Lent can open us to doing something positive – and then we take those concrete steps to do something positive for those around us and for ourselves.  So many wonderful conversations around this!

For older teens ages  15 and up, I still like to talk about Lent and choices, but also about the choices we have inside of us and our attitudes, our attitude toward people and the least among us.  We talk about how often the devil is not only in the world, but inside us in that we all have the ability choose good or evil, how we react to things, how we rise up.  We have a choice to be selfish and think only of ourselves or do something more.   The world is can be grey,  the choices are not always easy or pat or rote, and older teenagers totally know  and get this.  However, just as the  good choices of Jesus were for us, for humanity, we  as human beings can also make choices that help others for the greater good of humanity. Love can become the meaning in the world if we choose that and let that flow.  Rudolf Steiner wrote in his lecture “Love and Its Meaning In The World”:  “We have to leave our acts of love behind in the world, but they are then a spiritual factor in the flow of the world events…..Love is the creative force in the world.”  So, how do we bring love to the world?  That is the question for the older teenager to find in themselves and in the gifts that they have to share with the world.

May we all send out love,

Carrie

Insecure

Posted on by
3

I was talking to an equine nutritionist the other day (yes, that is a real occupation!) and I was telling her how hard this certain horse is – recovering from major colic surgery, history of ulcers, etc, etc – and said something to the effect that having a horse can be such a crapshoot in terms of health and what happens!  You do all you can do, and there still comes a point where it is all out of your hands.  And she said, oh yes, but we love them anyway, and if experienced horse people tell you about the reality of that  probably no one new would even want to be around horses. LOL.

Well, isn’t it kind of the same with  parenting and children?

I see some many mothers who feel so insecure.  Maybe I am parenting wrong.  Maybe I am homeschooling wrong.  So much is riding on this.  Suppose I screw my children up in some way?  My friends and family are telling me their concerns with my parenting and homeschooling are x, y, and z.  This parenting thing is so hard!  How can I figure it out?  I am positive Susie down the street is doing it better!  No one’s children are having as many problems as my children!  I can’t do this!

Mostly, I  hear this insecurity a lot from moms who have children under the age of 9 and/or who are new to homeschooling, and then things stabilize a bit in the years of 9-14 and then the insecurity comes back in the later teen years.  In a way, parental insecurity in during the teen years also gets worse because parents feel isolated.  We cannot often talk about what is going on with our teens without violating their trust and the  unfolding of this other person, this other person’s story is no longer ours to tell.

The reality is that we all feel insecure at different times in our parenting (but hopefully not all the time!).  We all want to do what is right by our children and teens.  We all want our children to be as healthy as possible and  happy and to be successful on whatever terms that means success to our children.  We all want to avoid the large and devastating issues that can affect children.

Some children have a super hard beginning in life.  Some have such a hard 9 year change.  Some are at their lowest at 14/15.  Some have a really hard 16/17.  Some have a really hard time getting through the beginning stages of adulting 18-25 and need a lot of direction.

And all we can do is find our own way, form a village , do the best you can do, and LET IT GO.  Y ou cannot live the life of the child in front of you and control everything.  In the younger years, you have a chance to shape things and you have precious time, even if it is the ordinary time of dirty diapers, naps, and baths. However, as your child grows, your lives as intertwined but no longer on the same exact growing path.  The teen branches out into the world with roots at home.  They will make mistakes, sometimes large ones, and it becomes more and more of their journey and less of yours.  And so it goes.

Insecure feelings in parenting  is real and raw and true.  Find your spiritual work, find your tribe, re-find your partner or spouse if you have one,  set your boundaries, do what you can do without losing your mind, and laugh together.  Parenting is over many years, and the cycles of joy and triumph and despair are just that – cycles.  Riding the wave is sometimes the best and only thing to do . Insecurity eventually can be replaced by the reality of it being only one small part of the tapestry of parenting and generations.

Peace,

Carrie

 

Celebrating Valentine’s Day In The Waldorf Home

Posted on by
6

February is consistently labeled as the month where all homeschoolers want to quit.  The dreary weather often makes those of us in the Northern Hemisphere want to head for warmer locations and sunshine, and get rid of school altogether!

But really, Valentine’s Day can be our little spot of sunshine!  There are all kinds of things to make and do, and it can be a lovely pink and red time of showing love for one another.  I love Lisa’s Valentine’s Day post over at Celebrate the Rhythm of Life and would like to add some resources so you can have an amazing  handmade Valentine’s Day celebration!

Verses –

Good morrow to you, Valentine.
Curl your locks as I do mine,

Two before and three behind,

Good morrow to you, Valentine

-From “Festivals, Family, and Food: Guide to Seasonal Celebration” by Diana Carey and Judy Large, page 9

Games:  The book mentioned above has a suggestion for a Valentine Ring Game ( so you would need a group large enough to form a ring).  It is sort of a version of “Duck Duck Goose” involving a handkerchief and song.

Stories: The book “Tell Me A Story” from WECAN  has the story “A Million Valentines” by Suzanne Down; Suzanne Down’s Juniper Tree Puppetry website also has an entire book of Valentine Day stories here.

Activities:  Making Valentines out of red, white, and pink paper, lacey doileys or leftover lace is a fun activity.  Also,  making little felt hearts with a string, sort of like a pendant necklace is fun, or to sew two little felt hearts into a brooch.  One year we found heart shaped buttons and made little bracelets with buttons.

You could also consider the Swedish-type hearts made out of paper that sometimes one sees around Christmastime.  They are really sweet and may appeal to older children.

“All Year Round” has a suggestion of making bird biscuits and hanging them from a branch.  You can try my Pinterest Board for more suggestions, including biscuits to feed the birds, felt heart garlands, little lanterns, and more.

One thing we like to do is to have a pretty breakfast table with flowers and fun decorations.  Little garlands of red felt hearts are easy to make last minute and are very sweet hanging up.  Many of the crafts on my Pinterest board would make a pretty table.

When we think of activities, we also include acts of service.  If there is anyone in your neighborhood that is alone, elderly to visit, or a food bank that needs donation, those are all great ways to spread Valentine’s Day love and cheer.

Food:  Having a tea party seems to fit in well with this day.  On The Parenting Passageway Facebook page, I posted a picture of the flowering tea we had at Candlemas.  These would be fun at Valentine’s Day too, and everyone enjoys watching the flower unfurl in the hot water of a clear tea pot.

If you have wonderful pictures of your Valentine’s Day fun, please do post it over on The Parenting Passageway Facebook page or share a link below.

Blessings,
Carrie

 

 

Blooming

Posted on by
Reply

Throughout the ages, spring has been a time of renewal and coming alive after a fallow and inward winter.   The significance of “forty” for the forty days of Lent coincide to this awakening and renewal and is not to be underestimated.  Forty days are in many scenes from Biblical History.  One only has to think of Noah and the Ark, Moses and the forty days after he killed the Egyptian, Moses in the desert, Joshua and his forty days to the Promised Land, Elijah walking for forty days and forty nights, and the time of Jesus Christ and His temptation in the desert.

And, after each of these fallow, anguishing, waiting periods, renewal occurs afterwards.  So I have been asking myself:  “What is my forty?  What regrowth, renewal, or positive change is going to come out of this time?”  Just like the way disequilibrium gives way to equilibrium in development, the way the rain turns into the sun shining,  fallow periods or even times of hardship often lead to  amazing new beginnings; a  blooming and blossoming, just like the branches of the flowering trees here in the south.

 

 

Sometimes we get stuck and can’t see our way out of the fallowness. If you live long enough, then you will have plenty of fallow periods or periods where things just aren’t going well.   How we get unstuck depends upon us.  Some of us need to start in the physical plane, with exericse or changing our nutrition or seeing a healthcare professional. Some of us need to start in the emotional plane with counseling, checking our values, putting in boundaries. Some of us need to start on the spiritual plane and as our spirituality and connection to everything around us deepens, we feel a new burst of energy and direction.

Even if you don’t celebrate Lent for religious reasons, I invite you to take some time during Lent for renewal and spiritual deepening.  I would love to hear your plans!

Blessings,
Carrie

Dynamic Development

Posted on by
Reply

Childhood development is never static and is ever unfolding. Sometimes the big joke in parenting is sort of, “Wow!  I just figured out this stage and now my child is on to something new!”

In my approach to development, I combine my ideas from when I worked as a pediatric physical therapist,  studies from The Gesell Institute, and Waldorf education’s view of the child.  Periods of equilibrium and disequilibrium routinely occur throughout development, typically with disquilibrium around the half-year marks, and pronounced differences  in development typically most dramatically noted around 3 – 3 1/2, 6/7, 9 (talked about an awful lot in Waldorf literature) ,  12 (although I don’t hear much about this one in parenting circles), and 15/16.  I think 15/16 is by far the most difficult transtition.

Parents often ask what they need to be successful throughout all these changes as their child unfolds.  In my personal opinion of working with families over the years, I  think there are four things, mainly, that help this process of helping a child grow:  having your own “stuff”  under control (ever tried living with an alcoholic parent, narcissitic parent, etc?    And not all of us have these things, but most all of us have wounds from living; just some of us own those wounds and try to make this woundedness better for ourselves and the people who love us); affectionate  love and connection to our children (and to your partner if you have one); loving boundaries;   rhythm (which is a defining hallmark of whatever your own family culture is!).  I don’t think it is is about perfection; I don’t think it is about doing everything just right.    A child growing up is also a family growing up and adults developing and changing too.

It is never too late to do these four  things.  All of us can become more self-aware and work on what our wounds and triggers are; nearly all of us can work to become more peaceful and compassionate.  It is never too late to  connect to and love your children.  Children have love languages just like adults do, but most children I know certainly perceive love in time and attention.  I read a few psychology sources that state even just 15-20 mintues of concentrated time a day is important; other sources like this Washington Post article from 2015 talk about how quality is more important than quantity, how family practices like dinners together do matter, and how teens need to spend time with their parents.   We can learn how to hold boundaries; I think I started seriously writing about boundaries back in 2008 and have written many posts on boundaries since then.  This one and  this big list of boundaries are among my favorites.   Finally, it is never too late to discover your  values as a family and prioritize those with your time (this is the beginnings of rhythm and habit!).

In this month often associated with love due to St. Valentine’s Day, let us love our children enough to help them grow in the healthiest ways possible!

Blessings and love,
Carrie

 

Candlemas

Posted on by
Reply

“If Candlemas Day be fair and bright

Winter will take another flight.

If Candlemas Day be cloud and rain

Winter is gone and will not come again.”

The February second coming of Candlemas, in an agricultural sense, was often viewed as the first day of Spring.  How fitting to have a beautiful idea of light come into the world on this day, and to celebrate by eating sunny foods and making candles.   Many Christians bring their candles to their parish to be blessed as well.  This day in Christianity is known as the Feast of the Presentation of Our Lord,  and commemorates the Christ as the Light of the world.

We plan to have a brunch with friends on Candlemas, full of sunny foods,  and to roll and dip beeswax candles.   Earth candles are also lovely and fun to make!  One of the things I love about this particular festival is that it isn’t really complicated and can be quite simple.  There have been many years where we dipped candles just around our kitchen counter!

This is also the day I love to put some first sign of spring on the Nature Table.  If you live in an area where you might see a hint of budding on the trees or the first pussywillows of the season, you might enjoy doing this as well.

Here are a few back posts for inspiration:

The Magic of Candlemas

The Quiet Beauty of Candlemas (with instructions for dipping candles)

Candlemas is Coming!

You can also see some beautiful projects on my Candlemas Pinterest Board as well.

Blessings,

Carrie

Unbusy In All The Right Ways

Posted on by
1

There is a lot of movement toward becoming “unbusy” – however when I look at many of these Facebook groups and websites, it almost becomes more about de-cluttering than it really is about picking the priorities of being unbusy or about…well, the life that happens along the way of homeschooling and parenting for many years.   To me, the material de-cluttering is actually the easy, if not time-consuming part.  The bigger question becomes, ” How does one become “unbusy” from too much life?”

This is  important  to think about because the reality is, for most people and for most homeschooling families, life does get busier the older children become (unless you have an roadschooling/wildschooling lifestyle or your children are just very introverted and don’t care about doing much).  Most older teenagers, especially, are eager to be busy.  When I talk to mothers of older teenager, they are busy. I have grown to think that in this season of life, it isn’t bad.   It just is.

The other thing to couple into this is that if you homeschool (and parent!) long-term over decades, LIFE just happens.  There may be illnesses in the family, death in the family, separation and divorce happens.  Life happens.  Sometimes there is more life than homeschooling.  It is one thing to sustain a very calm homelife for many years, but surely in fifteen to  twenty years or more of homeschooling a family  probably will hit some bumps along the way!

My very best advice for those of you with younger children is to figure out how to enjoy your days at home and of   being outside in nature with a simple rhythm but no real agenda.  Practice the art of just being in the moment.   I know the days and nights at home can sometimes feel endless, and parents sometimes rush to fill it all up.  And some of that comes from worry or fear.  Maybe you worry (just a little bit) about fitting in with mainstream society..  Maybe you worry ( just a little bit) about all the other children are starting gymnastics at 5 and cello at 4 and how will your child ever compete later on.  Maybe you worry about your child not having any friends.  Many of these things can wait. You only have the time for your children to have this protected innocence of being little  once.  The life of activities and more formal learning will come.  An d, by learning to be present in these early years, you can learn to survive the coming years of ups and downs.

For those of you on the cusp of becoming busier, my plea to you is not to have your eight to fourteen- year old carry a schedule or behaviors  like a sixteen year old.  There will be time enough to ramp things up.  We used to start things later, like sports in middle school.  We were just starting to get our feet wet in middle school, and our playing peaked in high school.  So, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, when everyone is learning and doing things much earlier and for more sustained periods than we ever did in my years of growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, but I guarantee talent and drive can still lead to  great success  in the  high school years, even if your child didn’t start something super early.

If your child is under that fifteen/sixteen change, boundaries are still really important.  Don’t let them carry the behaviors or the straining separation from the family that the 15-17 year olds carry. Those in the 8-14 range are not there yet; if they are pushing to go there try creating a community for this age instead of a bunch of friends you don’t really know.  Family is life.  The separation will happen eventually, but I still think the goal is to have the family unit be the most important unit of togetherness.  If your child’s friends can be integrated into your family fun, and your child into family life of families that you are super close to, all the better for enriching everyone’s lives.  It becomes a community, not just an outside friend.  Our older daughter’s closest friends are like this, and we so appreciate it still.

Make time for family nights, dinner together, family vacations, limits on technology, long drives and long talks.  Help siblings learn to be together.  Help children learn to be content without being constantly stimulated, entertained, or with friends. These are skills that will determine health.

Think about your priorities as your children expand outside the home.  Sometimes this  expansion happens in your neighborhood, or school, or through an activity.  Our older girls ride horses and we are pretty wrapped up with horse care.  For the most part, I enjoy this.  It is a close knit community of support and love for all of our children.  Yesterday I was outside all day during a horse show while our son played all day outside (hay bales can be a full-on day of entertainment!).   Win-win.  It is good to think about these things when your children are 8-14.  It isn’t just about what your child wants to do but also  can it be a supportive community for the whole family?

For those of you with older  high schoolers past that 15/16 change….they have their WHOLE lives ahead of them.  It doesn’t all have to happen in four years of high school.  Life is way beyond the high school years, and the late teens and early twenties I think are a hard time period where young people still need our support.   My cousin and I were talking about this just last weekend – how hard the early twenties actually were hard times and how family support, even in the form of letters back in the day, were very helpful. Sometimes it only takes one person to make a different in the life of an 18-22 year old.

In homeschooling high school, I see many homeschooling parents, including myself sometimes, feel antsy about these years.  Are we doing enough in our teaching? (We are!)  I always think that the children who are brillant in school probably would have been brillant at home too, and the children that aren’t so brillant at school probably will do better at home than they would at school.  Find the balance between the need for chill and the need for  accountablity, perhaps with you or with someone else.  Some high schoolers really need the “someone else” to rise up. That is okay.   Most of the parents I talk to talk about the long days their teenagers keep, especially those teenagers  in pursuit of colleges, and how they  boh teenagers and parents are exhausted.  You can read more about why the average American teen is exhausted and burned out here.  If this is what we are coming to as a society, I think we as parents need to rebel for the health of this future generation.  Balance is needed for our future leaders. Help your teenagers find your family priorities, and learn that give and take.

Choose to be unbusy in all the right ways.

Blessings and love,
Carrie