Author Archives: Carrie

The Seven and Eight- Year -Old: Still A Need for Protection

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The pink bubble of the Waldorf kindergarten does not last forever, that is true.  However, this does not mean that the world is so quickly expanded for the seven and eight-year old that suddenly they become miniature teenagers.   This is not what a seven or eight-year old needs, although this is the tact our society often takes.  I was pleasantly surprised to speak with a friend the other day whose second-grade daughter is doing no extracurricular activities outside of attending public school.  This, however, is the only person I have talked with where this is happening.  Around my part of town, for example, many of the first and second graders I see are on the go from early morning – up at 6 AM to catch a bus and go to school, to attending school all day, to aftercare or sports (do you all honestly remember playing competitive sports in first and second grade?  Do you?  I don’t), out to dinner with parents (at least they are all eating dinner together!), off for homework and off to bed around 9 – to start all over the next day.

I respectfully must say that this is far too much for a seven or eight-year-old.  I think there is a direct relationship between the rates of ADHD/ADD, ritalin use, behavioral problems and the fact that we are asking these small children to “put in a full day”, just like a grown-up.

I think as Waldorf homeschoolers, we have a unique opportunity to treat our seven and eight –year -olds the way they should be treated – with imagination, with creativity, with watching their skills and development unfold, providing plenty of opportunities for sensory experiences and outside play, for provoking academic work through art and music.

We also have a chance to establish strong routines and rhythms in our homes with periods of in-breath and out-breath.  We can establish a bedtime routine of 7:30 for a first grader, and 7:45 for a second grader or earlier, as suggested by this Waldorf school:  http://www.stpaulssteinerschool.org/home_rhythms.html

We have an opportunity to provide healthy food, regular snack and meal times in an unhurried setting (which is often not the case in public school where lunch may start at 10:30 AM with 20 minutes to eat).

We have the chance to bring spirituality into our curriculum and homes.  We can foster gratitude, beauty, respect, reverence and responsibility in our children through stories, example and modeling as opposed to just slogans fostered in character development campaigns.

Most of all, we still can have the influence to slow them down.  The Gesell Institute mentions in the book, “Your Seven-Year-Old” that one of the main hallmarks of a seven-year-old is the fact that the child wants to do everything, but is prone to fatigue.  In our society we often take what our seven or eight year old “wants to do” and run with that  to the point these children are so involved they are worn out, irritable and exhausted.  Their small lives, instead of being full of imagination and wonder, are full of factoids for tests, long days and to-do lists that only adults should have.

The seven and eight-year olds in our society are vulnerable. Let’s protect them a bit longer, until the true skill of reasoning and logical thinking starts to be born, until the true signs of needing separation from the adults in their lives happens.  Let’s protect them now so they can flourish later.

Thanks,

Carrie

More Inspirations from Tapestries: How to Transform Yourself during the Ages of 35-42

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If we look at the the basis of transformation that occurs during this stage as a product and force of willing, feeling and thinking, Betty Staley writes:

“In our willing we are learning to “walk” in a new way- in other words becoming more aware of what we do, of how to direct our actions so that they pass through our hearts and minds in the service of a higher goal.”

“In our feelings we nurture a quality of devotion so that our hearts become activated to serve what is highest.”  Betty Staley points out this devotion is not only our immediate family, but also may extend to our community and especially to nature.

“In our thinking we have to work to overcome the prejudices which have slotted other people  into convenient categories; we have to stop giving simple reflex answers, or adhering to common opinions and “party lines.”

She also adds on page 160 that, “During this period, as I mentioned, we begin to realize that our physical body no longer has the agility and strength it had before.  So there is a temptation to concentrate only on the physical body, to try to revive some of the old vitality, forgetting that what is really needed is to activate the soul and the spirit. Of course, we need to pay attention to  our health, diet and exercise; but ignoring our inner development is like building a strong shell around an empty space……When we gain the humility to realize we want to work together with spiritual forces or beings greater than ourselves –however we choose to express this –then we can recognize our capacity for contributing to the world.”  This becomes even more pronounced in the new seven year cycle of years 42-49.

Deep food for thought on a cold night,

Carrie

More Inspirations from Tapestries: Ages 42-49

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“In our forties we enter a very dramatic stage of life.  Many changes go on which call upon us to wake up and re-evaluate our lives.  This time is often characterized by continuing crisis and change, and by a sense of rebirth.”

–Tapestries, page 175

Betty Staley remarks upon other changes and characteristics of this seven-year cycle:

  • We are more patient with others because we realize we are just starting to understand ourselves.
  • We are more relaxed and warm in our relationships.
  • We have confidence; we are asked for our opinions regarding matters of life.
  • Our personality becomes more individualized
  • The temptation of this phase is POWER.  “We can be tempted to control other people’s lives and to influence situations through the very force of our personalities.”  We have to learn to hold back our energy at times.  Developing patience during this seven year cycle is very important.  Truthfulness becomes very important.
  • This is usually a time of spiritual awakening and connection to the spiritual.  Betty Staley writes, “Many people try to avoid dealing with spiritual questions, but it makes a big difference at this age whether we are asleep or awake to such things, for they are the source of our transformation.” (page 177).  This general question is so important in Waldorf education as we homeschool; we often hear the same concerns regarding the spirituality in the Waldorf curriculum from both the “religious right” kind of parent and the pagan parent.  This is something that MUST be addressed by you, internally and through your inner work and meditation, in order to access the full healing potential of this educational method!
  • This is a stage to find balance in as we attend to elderly parents and children.  This can also be a stage to balance our decreasing physical bodies with other areas.
  • Betty Staley warns that if you do not properly face the changes that belong to this seven year cycle, you can expect an ever bigger crisis in the fifties.
  • Friendship is one of the great comforts and joy in this cycle.  There also comes a new need for more privacy in both spousal relationships and friendships because there is a need to be alone and a need for companionship.  Balance comes into play again.
  • “Our late forties and early fifties is a time for discovering the parts of our personality that did not fit in with our previous image of ourselves.”  (page 179).  For example, a man may suddenly become interested in the home.

Special to Men:  Male vulnerability in this phase can make older men appealing to young women.  If the man is married, a wife may find it difficult to deal with this softening and mellowing of the spouse’s personality.

Special to Couples:  Couples can develop a new loyalty to one another, a new strengthening of love,  if both parties can be patient not only with themselves but with the other person.  If this does not happen and the couple does not transform their relationship, divorce is very common throughout the decades of the thirties, forties and fifties. 

Betty Staley writes about marriage in this period, “  It is during this period that a couple can begin to see marriage as an art form, as the most challenging and complex  of all relationships we create.  We begin to see that marriage is of our own making, and we must take responsibility for  it as a labour of love.  This is the most critical turning-point in marriage.  If it is not consciously grasped, even a good marriage may reach a natural end.”

I have said it before in this blog, and I know I sound like a broken record, but will say it again:  It is worth your time and your energy to nurture your relationship with your spouse. It is very important.  Homeschooling your children should not be a substitute for an intimate relationship with the most important person in your life – your partner or spouse.  Learn how to make love the verb that it truly is, practice patience with your partner or spouse as you also look objectively at your own personality traits.  A mature long-term relationship is scarred, is tender, is happy, is sad, carries the burdens and the joys, is open.    Do not miss it. 

Peacefully yours,

Carrie

The Mini-Rant: Discussing Food with Children Under the Age of 7

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Okay, here goes the inflammatory rant of the day:  Stop talking to your children under the age of 7 about food!  Yes, we all want our children to eat healthy food, and to understand food choices as they grow and mature.  But here is the rub:  YOU are the one buying the food, you are most likely the one deciding the meals and what part of the meal prep your child is participating in, and the food is YOUR responsibility.

Here is what set off my rant here:  Many Waldorf homeschoolers seem to be either vehement raw foodists or really into Nourishing Traditions and I personally am tired of hearing about the health benefits of either dietary choice coming from the mouths of their children.  Does a six year old honestly need to know at this point the difference between raw and pasteurized milk?  Does a five year old need to know about food combining?  Yes, I think as they grow, children need to know these things and have more responsibility for food choices – but do they really need to know all this now?

I think it is Barbara Patterson who wrote in “Beyond the Rainbow Bridge” the story about being a Waldorf Kindergarten teacher and how one child sits down to lunch and says, “My mothers says milk makes me big and strong with health bones!” and another child sits down to lunch and says, “Well, MY mom says milk makes people stuffy and congested!” and then both children turn to the teacher and say, “Well, which one of our families is right?”  The teacher wisely says, “Well, they are both right.” (and thank goodness both children are satisfied with this in this story!).

So what can you say about food?  How about the very simple, “This is what we eat in our house.” I have one friend who said her under 7 child is walking around all day asking, “Is this healthy for me to eat?  Is this healthy for me to eat?”  despite the fact they really are trying to downplay the whole food issue/choice end of it.   I told her I think I would just shut it down by saying, “Anything in our house is fine for you to eat.” 

Please stop talking to children about making “better” food choices, this so throws them into their heads – YOU are making the choices, or giving them the alternatives of two choices that are acceptable to you.  And there is nothing worse than a five-year old telling seventy-year-old  Uncle Joe that what he is eating is bad for him and what he could be eating that is better!  What I think is appropriate here is just to say, “Uncle Joe eats “X” and you may have this.”  No guilt trip about what Uncle Joe is eating, and no increased explaining to your child about food choices.  Believe it or not, your child will pick up your food values by what you serve, how you prepare it, what alternatives you do offer to foods you don’t want your child to eat.  Don’t be all defensive about someone else’s food choices in an effort to justify your own – be happy with your food choices and model them happily!  That will be so much more effective to an under-7 child than all the verbage in the world about better choices, healthy choices, red light and green light foods, organic versus not organic, fresh-squeezed versus not, grass fed meat versus not!   Please!!

I just returned from a little island where nearly all the food people eat is imported.  There was very little organic anything.   Prices were very high, and if  the boat only came in with a certain amount of something, they may have sold out quickly and then you may  not be able to get what you were looking for for another two months until another boat came in.  It really made me think that here in the mainland of America, the land of good and plenty, how truly spoiled we are.  Most people around the world eat what they can get and have a good time anyway! (Okay, granted they don’t eat to excess the way Americans do, but still YOU are the model in your home!)  Around the world, the meal is not just about what is good for their bodies and what tastes good, but about warmth of family and extended family and friends, about lingering and laughing and enjoying children.  I would love to see some of us turn our obsession toward that instead of some of the other things we tell our children about food.

If your child has massive food allergies, then probably food discussion will have to entail that earlier than age 7 for safety reasons.  My oldest knows what her food allergies are, and she knew from a pretty young age, and we checked things out together.  That may be a necessity with deadly food allergies.  But, I didn’t tell her dairy, soy, peanuts or tree nuts were horrible for all of mankind either!  “Those things make you not feel well, but you can eat this.” was essentially what I said. 

As children grow, of course we can talk more about food choices, better food choices, the merits of our chosen diet…..but let’s not let food become a polarizing issue between our children!  When we talk about diet, let’s also talk about what different cultures eat, what people eat around the world.  Let’s talk about how in many places generations of  family sit down to eat and laugh and talk.

I have one dear friend who has lived in the United States, France, Saudi Arabia, China, Japan and visited a myriad of places around the world.  You can bet he didn’t always get organic food, you can bet typical breakfast foods were different in each culture…..but, he always exercised, he didn’t typically overeat, and he always had lots of friends and family to share meals.  He probably will live forever!

Let’s use food to bring us all together, not drive us all apart.

Okay, now you all can throw tomatoes at my head……….:)

Carrie

“Drawing With Your Four to Eleven Year Old”

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This is a book written by Donna Simmons, and people ask me about it all the time.  I think so many parents are intimidated by the drawing part of the Waldorf curriculum, so I thought I would run through what this book has to offer. 

The introduction talks about how this book is a “short introduction to drawing with your child [that] is a very simple and basic glimpse at how parents might take methods used in Waldorf schools and work with them at home.”  What I appreciate here is her acknowledgement that home with Waldorf is different than Waldorf school, and understanding of the intimidation that many parents feel with drawing and the fact that the grades material is taught through artistic approaches.

The next section talks about “Materials” and outlines the specifics of block and stick crayons, pencils, other materials, paper and what suppliers to consider getting supplies from.    She then addresses the question most parents ask which is why do all the children’s pictures look the same in the beginning?  Why do all the children draw the same picture?  She writes that, “An important foundation to Waldorf education is the deeply held belief that it is imperative to work with the child at his appropriate stage of learning.  Young children, up to 6 or 7, learn best by imitation and so when the children paint or draw they do what their teacher does.”  There is further guidance about the use of Main Lesson Books and the drawing that may accompany main lessons in the grades. She also provides notes on outlining and painting and then moves into talking about drawing with each grade.

Kindergarten – there is a small amount of information that probably will not be satisfying to the mother new to Waldorf whose oldest child is of Kindergarten age (because there should be more, right??) :),  but will be perfectly satisfying to mothers who have been through the Kindy phase and realize how drawing is a small part of the daily rhythm at home usually at this point.  LOL.  My main advice to the mother of a Kindergartner is to simply slow down.  The artistic things can be important in the Waldorf Kindergarten at home, but remember, the main focus should be on rhythm, fostering of gratitude, getting your child into their body and protecting those 12 senses, along with the development of YOUR skills in different areas of the curriculum.    Please do see some of the Waldorf Kindergarten posts on this blog for ideas!

First Grade – Donna talks about making borders for the Main Lesson Book, drawing of figures and also an introduction to form drawing. 

Second Grade – Donna talks about the transition to making drawings of more detail and provides examples of Main Lesson Book pages to draw from.

Third Grade – She talks about how to work with drawing in conjunction with some of the Third Grade blocks of building, Old Testament, and provides examples of how to draw animals and the habitats the animals live in. 

Fourth Grade – Donna talks about drawing maps, the use of proportions and blocking out pictures. 

Fifth Grade – Drawing becomes more realistic and challenging in the Fifth Grade Waldorf curriculum.  She talks about free-hand geometric drawings and the role of drawing in the ancient blocks, and of course the drawing that is prevalent in the botany blocks.

She then has notes about “Looking Ahead”.  Sixth Grade is about perspective drawing, and mastering charcoal pencils. She provides several pages of resources regarding Basic Waldorf Education, Form Drawing and Painting, and Drawing.

In short, this little book is about 36 pages long and provides a fine overview of the progression of drawing in the curriculum with color examples and some detailed techniques.  I am personally glad to have this book on my shelf because it is a fast resource I can turn to the know what kinds of drawings I can expect with each grade and quick examples of how this might look for each grade.  Another book I can also recommend is “Drawing with Block Crayons”, which is more intensive in techniques but also requires you to really sit down with the book and work with it – you cannot just leaf through that book and absorb it, LOL. 

I think this book is worth checking out, as is “Drawing with Block Crayons”; however be forewarned you will need other resources for Form Drawing.

Hope that helps,

Carrie

More Inspirations from Tapestries: Ages 35-42

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“In our late thirties or early forties we meet the results of our actions in the first half of life.  Up until now we have in some ways still been children, but at this stage we become fully responsible for what we do.  The spiritual world has completed its formative influence and withdraws.  The “I”, our unique individuality, has thoroughly penetrated our soul life, and we stand solidly on the earth.  We may feel the pull of gravity, experience a certain heaviness.  We may feel moments of intense inner loneliness, even that we are “dying” inwardly.  We cannot approach life the way we previously have.  It just doesn’t work any more.”

-From Tapestries by Betty Staley, page 149.

  • What she is writing about is the notion during this phase that no one can reassure us, solve our problems, shield us.  We fully experience the consequences of our own decisions.
  • These are the years we are most cut off from inspiration, from ideals, from the things we believed in during our twenties.  How we deal with this stage of life will influence how we move through our forties, fifties, sixties and beyond.
  • We are looking for meaning in what we have done.  We are asking ourselves if we should change, if we are satisfied, what do we really want to do with the time we have on the earth.
  • This period can be a time of physical change and loss of youth.  “It’s an odd feeling when we look in the mirror and begin to see a resemblance to one of our parents, “ the author writes on page 151.
  • But more than physical changes, there are psychological changes.  We feel more mature, like we understand more in life, but also more uncertain.
  • “This period can be a time of loss, doubt, loneliness and self-examination:  a time, above all for questioning everything.”

Special to Women: 

  • Inner doubt can be a hallmark of this phase.  “Where she felt confidence before, she lacks it now. Where did it go?  If she is out in the working world, esteemed by colleagues and excited about her work, it may be different.  Especially if she waited to start her career until after she had children, or her studies went on for a long time, or she lived with her parents and only began her career in her thirties, the crisis may not occur until her mid forties.”
  • For mothers that have been stay-at-home mothers, a woman may feel her life is dull and that she isn’t sure if she likes her kids or her spouse.

Special to Men:

  • “Some men get into their stride during this time, while others begin to feel less and less sure.  Much depends how they evaluate their work-situation.” 
  • Betty Staley writes about how marriages often go through chaos when men are in this phase of life.   Daniel Levinson calls this period for men the “pivotal decade” which he coincides roughly age forty to fifty or forty-five to fifty-five.  Some men panic during this time period and this panic can manifest itself in impulsive decisions. 
  • Betty Staley writes on page  156, “When a man begins to feel middle-age creeping up on him, his strongest urge is to “escape” it, for he has an unconscious sense that facing it will require inner change.  This is even more intense in him than the woman. “
  • She writes about the challenges that men face here, sometimes leading to “the twenty year fracture” – the point where marriages that had seemed solid suddenly collapse.   “Since many marriages today are taking place in the couple’s thirties, the “twenty-years fracture” may occur in their fifties.”  She also adds that a couple is “in for serious trouble when either separately or together they cannot find new spiritual  content in their lives.  If they can experience new purpose in their relationship and become conscious of their struggle they may work their way through to new aims.”

(This really struck me personally; nurturing your marriage is so very important.  There have been some blog posts on this if you search the tag box under “challenges in marriage” and I will definitely write some more about this important subject.  If your marriage and family collapses, you cannot focus on homeschooling.  Your marriage is vitally important, do not make the mistake of making your children your marriage.  Your partner is who you are married to , not your children.   Sometimes I see pictures of a family, and it is only the mother and child with the husband not pictured (and there is a husband in the family) or I see a picture of the family and all the kids are crowded around the mom and the dad is sitting of to the side in the family portrait.  It always gives me a funny feeling inside.  Ladies, do not shut dads out in the younger years of parenting and then expect things to be different later on (and yes, I am aware some dads are just not involved no matter how much the mother tries to help dad be involved).  However, if you set the tone in your home think about how you nurture the relationship between your children and their father, and your relationship with  More on this in a later post).

  • Another odd characteristic of this phase is possibly recurring dreams of your partner dying.
  • On page 155, Betty Staley writes, “One of the characteristics of this period is dealing with our negative view of others.  In the previous soul period we were beginning to see the faults of our partner, but the experience now intensifies.”  She talks about how we see our partner’s negative traits far better than our own.  (Carrie’s note here: Ouch).
  • “The moment we start to face the negative aspects of ourselves is a turning point both in our own individual development and as a couple……Instead of blaming the other, we can see how our own actions triggered the other person’s reaction. Admitting our responsibility for causing pain to the other person can release amazing capacities of trust and caring.”
  • “There are so many positive experiences that emerge from this difficult period.  Perhaps the  most important is clarity and honesty. We begin to see the difference between imposing our wishes on a person, a situation, forcing something to come out the way we want it and learning to listen to what is really wanted.  Life is no longer a struggle for power.  Egoism begins to give way to understanding.  Instead of putting ourselves in the center of our experiences we will be able to perceive others and their needs.”

Next post:  The three essential things you MUST do during this period to move to the next phase with a sense of renewal.

Lots of food for thought in this wonderful chapter,

Carrie

Your Super Seven-Year- Old: Traditional and Anthroposophical Viewpoints, Part One

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We spent four posts looking at the six-year old, the six/seven year old transformation and the “how’s” of doing Waldorf Kindergarten, specifically the six-year old year, at home. If you missed those posts, here is your chance to go back and read them here:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/23/the-six-year-old-waldorf-kindergarten-year-at-home/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/20/the-six-year-old-an-anthroposophical-view/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/18/the-snazzy-six-year-old/

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/23/peaceful-living-with-the-six-year-old/

There is also this one about understanding the six/seven year transformation:

https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/15/understanding-the-sixseven-year-old-transformation/

Those may be of help to you and put in in the right framework to study more specifically about the seven-year old.

The Gesell Institute’s fabulous book, “Your Seven-Year- Old” brings some of the characteristics regarding the seven-year old to light:

  • In general, this is an age of inwardness and withdrawing.  However, the seven-year-old doesn’t know where to stop with that and seems to often appear so silent and withdrawn that “ it seems that he might be more comfortable and content if there were actually no other people in the world.”
  • People do not behave in a way that pleases a child of this age.  The child thinks people are mean, picking on him or her, unforgiving, unfair, hateful.  The child also thinks people do not like them.
  • The child of this age is an intense worrier – more worries and fears than any other age.
  • Moody, morose and melancholy are other adjectives the Gesell Institute uses to describe this age.
  • The Seven-Year-Old feels strongly that parents like the other children in the family better than him. 
  • It is an age of easy crying, easy disappointment. 
  • He lives in a world of thought where he likes to think things through, and he takes in everything around him and reflects on it although he may not talk about it to you!
  • There is a new sense of independence, but also a sense of not being especially adventurous.
  • Seven is not known as an age for humor per the Gesell Institute (although I personally think that this may depend on the temperament of your child!)
  • Less selfish than at six, but very self-absorbed.
  • Time alone with special pursuits is prized, as is a room of their own to “retreat and protect their things.”
  • Has high standards, high ideals, wants to do everything right.  Some teachers call this the “eraser age” as they erase so much, are anxious, want to do everything right.
  • Increasing control of the body, the temper, the voice, the striking out of six
  • An age where the child can fatigue quickly and may need help in protecting themselves from their own demands.
  • Gets along well  with mother at this age, less demanding of their mothers, although there can be arguing with mother and the child can engage in a real battle of wills.  The child cares what the mother thinks of him or her.
  • Fathers are needed.  Girls are very sensitive to reprimands by their father, and may be jealous of the attention their father gives to their mother.  Boys enjoy their fathers and time alone with him is greatly treasured.  Both genders will seek out their fathers for information on things outside of the home.
  • Seven fights less than age six with siblings.  They are at their best with babies age 2 and under.  The most enthusiasm is for a baby not yet born!  Seven also is good with siblings much older than they are.  With siblings close to the same age, the argument is that things are not fair.
  • With friends, less fighting and squabbling although play is still not completely harmonious.  The good news is that Seven is starting to be aware of his friends’ reactions to things.  Group play can still end with destruction of materials or fighting – this age needs adult supervision.

OTHER AREAS: 

  • Eating:  May leave the table frequently if distracted by something, but better able to sit still and eat. 
  • Sleeping: Most seven-year olds are headed to bed around 7:30 and can often get ready for bed by themselves
  • Health: Tend to be healthier than at six.  Fewer colds usually.
  • Increased understanding of sense of time – clock time, months, season, birthdate,
  • Academic work:  It is important to keep in mind that  a seven-year old is easily fatigued and must be protected from so many demands.  Reading may be coming along at this stage, spelling is usually not great, a seven year old is typically not ready for cursive, far fewer number reversals,  requires the teacher to be close.

In Part Two of this post, we will look further at the anthroposophical point of view of the seven-year-old.

Inspirations from Tapestries: Ages 28-35

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Betty Staley entitles the chapter about this age range, “Trying to Organize Our Lives,” and discusses how around the age of 28 many of us feel it is time to become more conscious about our lives, our decision-making, our plans and goals for the future.

She talks about for some people how around age 30, some men realize already they are having more physical limitation than in their twenties and some women notice their bodies are changing.  I personally was curious about this from the perspective that we are certainly living longer than in the time of Rudolf Steiner, so I wondered how many of you found this to be true.  I have heard more women comment to me about their bodies changing and about it being harder to lose weight and such closer to the age of 40 than 30.  I wonder also if this is because so many of us are delaying childbearing until our 30s.  Please leave a comment in the comment box and share your experience.

Betty Staley writes that there are not only physical changes to be reckoned with, but changes within the way we relate to others. She writes, “The bold confidence of our twenties starts giving way to more sensitive awareness of ourselves.  We may no longer be satisfied by just relying on our feelings:  we become more inward, perhaps more subdued.  It is time to become realistic and practical, to take stock of what are we doing and organize our time.”

She talks about how we use our critical intellect to help us organize things, but how this can also be something that pierces and wounds the people around us as we step back and see more and more faults and imperfections and become cold and critical.  We have to work hard in this stage to look not just objectively at others, but also at ourselves.  How do we learn to appreciate other people?  How do we develop concern and compassion for others that transcends our own feelings of woundedness and loneliness?

The thirties can be a positive time of life as things settle down, become calmer, become more focused.  It can be a time to look deep within one’s self at one’s current situation.    “There can be a conflict here between our previous dreams and ideals, and present realities.  How can we realize both?”

Typically there are no easy answers to this question.  Men in particular can have competing desires and wishes.  Daniel Levinson writes about the ages of 21-35 being the “Onward and Upward Phase” for men.  He writes:

“Fatherhood is not the all-important role in a man’s life.  His starring role as he sees it during the Onward and Upward years is that of the promising young man on his way up.  He has important tasks to accomplish.  He is driven by the need for achievement.”

Betty Staley writes that this can be an age where many friendships break apart, and there can be loneliness.  She also writes about the importance of having a mentor and building relationships with friends who have similar values to you.   Do you have a mentor in the areas of parenting and homemaking?  This could be something important if you are in this age range of 28-35 years.   

Rudolf Steiner saw the period of age 30-33 as analogous to the last three years of the life of Jesus Christ, often a period of being in the “valley of the shadow of death.”  Perhaps renewal is around the corner if we can progress past the challenges of this phase:

“The great inner challenge during this phase from 28-35 is to transform critical judgment into thoughtful consideration, allowing emotions to ripen into feelings; to take more time to make decisions, and to bring to the light of the mind and warmth of the heart together in a more conscious way.”

This has implications for both marriage and motherhood.  For mothers in this age range, Betty Staley writes about the importance of strengthening themselves during this time.  She writes of the importance of having private time everyday for “inward activity”.  She also writes about the importance of learning how not to use the sharp-edged intellect of this phase to judge our partners and spouses. 

She writes on page 130 that we do not need to explain or apologize for the things our spouses do because it is not our place to judge, nor do we know our mate so very well that we need to protect other people from his or her faults.  “A point comes in a relationship- and in this case it can be in a close friendship as well as in a marriage – when we let go.  We no longer ask, Why am I with this person?  We no longer add up the irritations, marking them in some invisible account book.  The moment arrives when all that disappears and we acknowledge he is our partner or friend, and accept him totally.”

When people marry in their thirties instead of their twenties, then neither person has formed the other.  The ideas and habits of each person are more set, that as partners they tend to respect one another but humor and tolerance are needed.  More freedom is needed in some ways.  She writes that second marriages often have these characteristics as well.  She also talks about the research showing people born after 1966 are tending to study until age 30 or live at home for longer periods, and how this may postpone the entrance into adulthood by ten years.

A very full chapter with lots of food for thought.

Thanks for reading,

Carrie

Inspirations from Tapestries: Ages 21-28

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Here is a peek into some developmental characteristics of this seven-year cycle:

Betty Staley writes, “In our twenties we often live in the intensity of impulse rather than through feelings which have been tempered by thought.  Steiner calls this time the period of the Sentient Soul.  It is a time when young people  are building up  experiences and meeting the world with vigor and enthusiasm, a time of enjoying sensations and pursuing adventures, of dreaming into the future and being full of hope and confidence.”

She mentions in our twenties we usually do one of two things:  what we think we should, or we rebel against what is expected.  Usually we only stand on our own two feet, with our own thoughts and understanding the results of our actions more when we are in our late twenties.

“The mood of this 21-28 period is one of egotism.  We are the center of our thoughts, and we feel satisfied when we fulfill our personal goals and objectives.”

On page 81, Betty Staley mentions marriage in the twenties as often being difficult because we lack life experience.  She talks about the hidden qualities that can occur as a wife, homemaker, and mother in our twenties (although I think many of us experienced this when we became mothers!):

“The young woman who is trying to approach life consciously can find her time at home with a child or children a maturing experience.  If she can take a broad view of the responsibilities she has, she can see that this part of her life poses her with challenges in self-development.  It is easy for her to get “pulled out of herself” into constant activity, but she can work to focus herself.  Taking care of young children and all the household details is a very grounding experience. She has to come to terms with details, with  time-tables, with establishing a routine, with being concerned about others, with establishing an atmosphere in the home.  All of this presents an opportunity for growth.”

She also goes into significant detail about the changes men face during this time period as they face whether or not marriage and children live up to the vision they created in their head, financial worries, the concern and thought that he needs “to make it” in his career by age 35.

She also talks about the crisis of the late twenties in working women who are wondering if career or children is the right path for them; and also the crisis of the late twenties faced by couples who married in their early twenties.  She writes that, “The inner work of maturing is often cut short by early marriage.  This may seem contradictory since the young people are having to deal with issues of responsibility:  compromising with each other, putting the needs of a child before their own, facing serious responsibilities – while unmarried friends are doing what they like, when they like.  Dealing with such situations does bring a sense of responsibility, but it doesn’t necessarily bring inner growth.  We are more likely to slip into expected roles without thinking.  Our own personalities have not yet developed independently, so we bring an immature “self” to the relationship rather than one which has learned to stand on its own, solve problems and know  what it wants by passing through a necessary phase of self-centredness.”

Lest you think the author is against marriage in one’s twenties, she does write that these marriages often work, but many times come under great strain as the people within the marriage mature, and how it takes strong commitment and desire to hold the marriage together.

What are your thoughts? Leave them in the comment box below!

Interesting reading,

Carrie

Waldorf Homeschooling Versus Waldorf School

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In this solemn economic time, our local Waldorf homeschooling group is getting more and more calls from the parents of the local Waldorf school who will not be able to afford Waldorf school in the fall and are interested in investigating Waldorf homeschooling.

I have a few thoughts on this subject.

It actually does come up, even in Waldorf homeschooling circles, this question of, “Well, if you had all the money in the world, wouldn’t you put your child in Waldorf school?”

And our family’s answer is no.  You will learn my bias toward Waldorf homeschooling in a moment, but let’s peak at the issue of school first.

PROS (or at least, hopes for a school!)

  • A community (hopefully!) of like-minded people gathering for festivals, a community of general happiness with the ideas of the Waldorf curriculum as tailored to the soul development of the child.  This can be very hard to find in a land of Well-Trained Mind homeschoolers and unschoolers.
  • A place where there are specialty teachers to bring things like eurythmy, foreign languages, woodworking, games.
  • Fabulous festival celebrations.
  • Some things, like Circle Time in Kindy and pedagogical stories in the grades , grouping children of the same temperament together, work well in a group at school and may not work nearly as well at home.
  • Great teachers who collaborate with parents as partners in education.
  • Hopefully the school will offer some of the other “extras” such as gardens and beekeeping and other totally enriching experiences for your child.
  • Hopefully adult opportunities for learning.

CONS (or at least possible cons)

  • Possibly long drive times to get to and from school.  In my major metropolitan area, you pretty much would have to sell your house and go buy one by the only Waldorf school in our area, or spend a great deal of time in the car.
  • Tuition, fundraising outside of tuition, extra fees.
  • Some parents who have left the Waldorf school environment for homeschooling felt like they learned a lot more by homeschooling than by being at the school.  For example, many parents told me they did not celebrate the festivals at home, only at school, and after transitioning to home they had to decide what the festivals meant to them and how to plan it, whereas at the school the festivals were planned and they had a part assigned to them.
  • Some parents who have left the school environment for homeschooling told me they felt that many parents were not on the same page regarding media in the younger grades and other areas, even with school policies set forth.
  • Some children truly do not function as well in a group environment in the younger grades.  Some parents told me they felt their wild child really calmed down with Waldorf homeschooling as opposed to school, or that their shy child really came out of their shell with homeschooling.
  • Some parents have told me they felt the repetition of the early grades, the focus on group unity in the early elementary grades, or lack of individual attention and progress to a slower or faster learner were hard to deal with.

Waldorf Homeschooling PROS (yes, this is my bias)

  • Waldorf homeschooling is first and foremost about family.  It is about spending copious amounts of time with your children, quantity time and really being there for all those little questions that come up during the oddest moments.
  • You can save  your children a great amount of overstimulation by not having to drive in traffic, and save money by not paying tuition.
  • You will learn about Steiner, festivals and make them your own.  You can fit your own faith into your homeschooling experience they way you want if this is important to you.  It is important to me.    You can tailor your blocks to your child – for second grade, for example, you can pick – there are the Saints and the animal trickster tales, of course but you can also pick “Cherokee Animal Trickster Tales” or Anansi the Spider or Robin Hood or American Tall Tales.  You can pick stories where the meaning really speaks to the things your child is struggling with.  You can pick what  festivals you celebrate and how, with the whole family involved in building up to the festival.
  • You will develop your own skills so you can teach your child.
  • You can spend a vast amount of time outside.
  • You can go on vacation when you want, and take a day off when you need to attend to family business.
  • You can foster close bonds between siblings who may otherwise be separated all day in different grades.
  • You can show your child the warmth and work that goes into homemaking, and have time to do this.
  • Dad may be able to be more involved as you can work your homeschooling around his schedule as well, and homeschooling and learning becomes a family adventure. You start planning family things around the blocks you are studying – weekend field trips different places that tie into what you are studying.  Grandparents and aunts and uncles can even get into the act!
  • You can move at your child’s pace within the curriculum.  I still feel with the grades it is important to keep within the three day rhythm and use sleep as your aid, but you can do more math blocks than language arts blocks if your child is a language arts star and needs more work in math, you can work toward longer sentences in language arts if they have mastered shorter sentences earlier, or move ahead in math if they really get it.
  • You can honor your child’s development as it unfolds.  Sometimes children do things that do not fit into the norm and need more time to just be.
  • With homeschooling, there is plenty of time for the child to play, to look at clouds, to make homemade salt dough, to just dream and be.  Sometimes this gets lost in the hustle and bustle of any school if one is not careful.

Waldorf Homeschooling CONS

  • I guess this to me is a pro, but to many parents it is a con: You need to do your own inner work with this method. How do you feel about fairy tales? Saints and legends?  The Old Testament as a story of a people’s relationship to authority?  How do you feel about what comes where within the curriculum?  This can be hard work for some people.

My thought on this:  Aren’t these questions you should be looking at anyway?

  • You have to get to know your own community and your own resources.   Waldorf homeschooling in the US Virgin Islands is going to look a lot different than homeschooling in Idaho, not because the building block in the Third Grade is going to change, but the local resources are different.  A child in the US Virgin Islands might learn about the use of molasses as a building and binding agent, or the particulars of the cannonball tree in botany  in addition to other cultures’ building methods and a child in Idaho may focus more on local things in addition to others’ building methods.  This intimidates many parents, that their child “may not learn it all.”

My thought on this:  Even a Waldorf teacher in a school has to pick and choose amongst possible blocks and available resources; just like you!

  • Being a Waldorf homeschooler can be hard in some respects when everyone else around you is homeschooling with other methods.

My thought on this:  Start your own local Waldorf homeschooling group.  Be a beacon for your area!  Hang out with homeschoolers who use other methods, and be okay with that.  Do what works for your family!

  • Some parents feel Waldorf requires intensive work.

My thought on  this:  All homeschool curriculums require work on your part. That is called teaching, as just opposed to opening a book and handing it to your small child.  There are open and go kinds of Waldorf homeschool curriculums out there.

  • Some parents feel Waldorf homeschooling requires severe lifestyle changes.

My thought on this:  Baby steps, people, baby steps.  Homeschooling in itself is a lifestyle, no matter what method you choose.    And the pink protective bubble of Waldorf Kindergarten does not last forever.

  • Waldorf homeschooling is not the same as Waldorf school at home.

My thought:  Absolutely and that is one of the reasons I choose to homeschool.

I appreciate your thoughts and comments in the comment section,

Carrie