(This is the tabloid edition of The Parenting Passageway today, you know, kind of like, Men Who Do Terrible Things And The Women Who Love Them or something like that…)

Let’s see…the fun behavior of the toddler…I am sure you all can help me out here with the behaviors and challenges!   Some of these  behaviors keep coming up over and over here when I asked for feedback regarding discipline challenges and also in My Real Life from mothers in my local area, so I thought I would address them here with a few suggestions and you can take what resonates with you.  Pick and choose, add your own creative ideas!  There is No One Answer, the Right Answer is the One That Works For Your Family!  Seriously!  As long as it is gentle and keeps to the boundary, then there you go!  Check out the toddler discipline posts under the Baby/Toddler header, several of those posts literally have every discipline situation that could come up with a toddler.

Here is a re-cap of some of the ones mothers have been asking about recently (but please do go look at the back posts!):

Face-slapping:

• Set child down if you are holding them.
• Turn it into a “high-five”
• Tell the child that hurts and show them how you would like to be touched instead.
• Watch out for signs child is getting frustrated in order to prevent  and use your tools of movement and channeling into work and help to move on
• Know this phase is limited usually once the toddler  has more speech
• Know this may take 500 times!
• What would work best for your family?  Your ideas here:

Running away at the park or other public places:

• Limit outings for right now. Sorry about that!
• Bring a second adult who can help you corral your children
• Many parents have a natural consequence in place, such as if you run away, we immediately leave the park.  However, a child younger than four and a half or five  may really not understand that very well.
• Do errands at night or another time without the toddler.
• Practice holding hands and looking for cars at all times.  Have a verse or rhyme that goes with the holding hands/looking.
• What would work best for your family??  Your ideas here:

Child is stuck on a  “bad word”:

• See back post on “potty talk” here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/20/how-to-handle-potty-talk-in-small-children/
• If this child is a toddler, try not to draw such individualized attention to it.  Sometimes the more you draw attention to it, the more it just is said.
• What would work best for your family??  Your ideas here:

Sitting Still:

• Figure about three to five minutes for every year of the child’s age, and really look  at your child.  Are they a “mature” acting three or four year old, or rather immature?  That will give you a clue as to what might be a realistic expectation.
• Bring something with you to do for the small child.  Make up a special little “Sunday bag” for church, let them bring a stuffed animal or doll with them.
• Practice times of sitting quietly at home for a story, thirty seconds before you light the candle for dinner, thirty second in silence after you say the blessing over the meal..
• What would work best for your family?  Your ideas here:

Hitting, Kicking:

Ah, no one’s favorite.

• You cannot let the child hurt you (or anyone else!).  If it is toward you, step away or hold the child if you can do it and be calm!  If the child is hitting someone else, they must come and be with you in a time-in.
• Connect with this child during other times in a warm way.  Are they feeling poorly physically or emotionally?  This does not excuse the behavior, but provides a clue as to what they need!
• If this is occurring during play dates and such, please think strongly about whether or not your small child needs this social experience at this point.  You can see my take on social experiences for the four year old in back posts, so you can guess what I think about toddlers from that….
• Go back to your basics – rhythm, outside time, warm and nourishing meals.
• If you need help dealing with hitting and kicking as part of a temper tantrum, please see here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/12/more-about-time-in-for-tinies/
• Here is a back post on boys and hitting:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/28/boys-under-age-7-and-hitting/
• What would work best for your family?  Your ideas here:

Biting

Also no one’s favorite.

• If it is biting at the breast, pull the baby close to you – this will block their nose and make them loosen the biting.  However, GIVE them something they CAN bite on.  A wet washcloth that you threw in the freezer works fine.  Biting is a normal behavior, it is just the object that the child is biting that makes it good or not good, so you don’t want to tell them never to bite!  If they are biting at the breast and it is usually toward the end of a feeding, try to catch them before the end and gently  remove  them from  the breast.
• If the biting is generally part of just being aggressive, try this outside resource regarding the types of biters and such:   http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/linda_passmark.html
• Never bite a child for biting!  That does not help.
• Remain as calm as possible.  It is no fun when your toddler or preschooler bites another child over a toy, and it is not fun when your child is the one who was bit, but these things do happen and one must be calm.
• If your child is in a biting phase, think carefully about your child’s level of frustration with social outings.  🙂  If you frequently read this blog, you know where I stand on that!  The whole “playdate” thing really should not apply to children under the age of four and a half, but that is just my opinion.  🙂 Take what works for you and your family.

Hope these ideas help your family think of what would work best for you in these situations.

Many blessings,

Carrie