Dads, Waldorf Homeschooling and Parenting

More questions from the field!  A wonderful mother and frequent reader writes in:

“My question….. I am having trouble convincing my husband that under 7’s are best served by being pictorial and active. He is a wonderful father that likes to give big, grown-up, factual answers to questions. He also likes to read grown-up stories to our four year old (Treasure Island, The Count of Monte Cristo). He is so proud of his smart son and feels that he is bright enough to listen to these stories. I try to talk to him gently about Steiner’s ideas for I do not want to micro-manage their relationship.

Our budget is very tight, so I would love a suggestion of something to read to him (so I can save my pennies and buy the best book that I need).
Thank you!”

Here are some  ideas:

  • As far as the “adult” answers to things, I think one thing  you can do is model.  When your wee one asks questions, see if you can answer and model in a pictorial way, an active way.    It also helps to get together with other families who have children who are the same age as your children, but also with some who have older children as well  so Dad can see how very little a four-year-old really is when compared to a ten-year-old (and also how immature a ten-year-old can truly be, LOL)
  • You can also have a heartfelt talk and talk about the “normal” four-year-old or six-year-old and realistic expectations for those ages.  The Gesell Institute books, whilst not Waldorf, backs up a lot of what four-year-olds and other ages truly understand (and don’t).  It also is anti-teaching a four-year-old to read, and lays out exactly what a child of each age is likely to do at the dinner table during meals, which are also frequently Top Dad Concerns.  I also have table manners under the “Starting Solid Foods with Your Infant” post on this blog. 
  • I think it also helps to talk about what we remember doing when we were four; if Dad can’t remember perhaps his mother is still alive and can recall some things about when Dad was four.  Not only great fodder for bedtime storytelling, but also can help point out that four is really darn little.
  • As far as Waldorf books, actually, I think Jack Petrash’s “Navigating the Terrain of Childhood” is one that really speaks to fathers, and the one I would recommend to start.  The other book I thought of was “Heaven to Earth” by Sharifa Oppenheimer.  That might also be a place to start if you don’t have that one……(just ignore the references to time-out in the last chapter of the book!  :))
  • And yes, I think being gentle and not micro-managing their relationship is important.  Your little boy is very lucky he has a Dad who wants to read to him every night.  The story is most likely going right over his head, but he is getting to spend time with his father, and that is priceless.   (I did have to laugh a bit about Count of Monte Cristo though!  I remember that from the 10th or 11th grade?!   College? :))   After some of these  books are finished, perhaps you can line up a few books that might be more appropriate for a four-year-old, (NOT by saying the other ones were inappropriate, of course, but just mentioning that many four-year olds really seem to like this book)  and also perhaps encourage storytelling.  Storytelling is wonderful!   Here is a list of books for the Under-7 crowd:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/20/more-books-for-children-under-7/    
  • The other thing to encourage is the “physical” piece on weekends – wrestling games, playing in the yard, being in nature,  all of those kinds of things to get both of them out of their head.   Dads are so good at roughhousing and kids really need that! 
  • I like Donna Simmons’ Audio Download available here:  http://www.christopherushomeschool.org/bookstore-for-waldorf-homeschooling/audio-downloads.html   entitled “Talking Pictorially and Living Actively With Your Young Child.”   Perhaps Dad would be willing to give that a listen?
  • Above all, approach all this with love and respect; how wonderful to have such an involved Dad!   It sounds like you really appreciate the relationship Dad is developing with his son, what a great model for all the mothers who read this blog to see!

Hope that helps a bit!

Other Questions From the Field About Dads

Q.. Dad is undecided about homeschooling, please help.

A.  Please see this post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/15/a-letter-to-all-those-dads-undecided-about-homeschooling/

The other thing I would add is that many families start homeschooling on a “trial” basis for a year or so….and then they like it so much they never look back.  🙂

Q.  Dad and I have completely different styles of discipline.  What can I do?

A:  This is a tough one and unfortunately it  comes up frequently.    Really all one can do is sit down and talk about it, with the utmost respect for your partner, even if you don’t agree with his views.  After all, he only wants what is best for your children, even if his methods are different than yours.  Sometimes this boils down to realistic expectations, and for that I again refer to The Gesell Institute books (“Your Three-Year-Old”, “Your-Four-Year-Old”, etc).    Many fathers have very high expectations of their first-born child once they hit three or four or five, and don’t understand how truly little those ages are.  Once your oldest hits  “older” and you have younger ones coming up on three, four and five,  many parents realize for the first time how little those ages are (but when this age is your oldest they seem “so big now”!)

The other thing you can do is  model how you handle things and see if that rubs off at all.

I have seen several cases of this, however, that required family counseling with a neutral party in order to really come up with ground rules that both parents could live with and be happy with.  Attachment Parenting International recommends Imago therapists, see here for a therapist in your area: http://www.imagotherapists.com/default.aspx  

Peace,

Carrie

Unschooling and Waldorf: The Student-Teacher Relationship in the Grades

This is a big topic, and we probably can only brush the surface of this today.   And this is long, but I felt I should keep it all within one post, so feel free to read part and come back or settle in with a cup of tea.  This post goes with the two other previous posts regarding Waldorf and Unschooling.

Let’s start with the very ending of “Practical Advice to Teachers” in which Steiner relates the four essential tasks of the teacher:  (this is, of course, the “Cliff-notes” version so to speak):

1.  “….teachers must make sure that they influence and work on their students, in a broader sense, by allowing the spirit to flow through their whole being as teachers, and also in the details of their work:  how each word is spoken, an dhow each concept or feeling is developed.”  “They must be filled with initiative.” 

2.  “….we as teachers must take an interest in everything happening in the world and in whatever concerns humankind.” “The teacher should be one who is interested in the being of the whole world and of humanity.”

3.  “…the teacher must be one who never compromises in the heart and mind with what is untrue.”  “Our teaching will only bear the stamp of truth when we ardently strive for truth in ourselves.”

4.  “The teacher must never get stale or grow sour.  Cherish a mood of the soul that is fresh and healthy!  No getting stale and sour!”

Now let us look and see where the student is.   Donna Simmons writes in “The Christopherus Waldorf Curriculum Overview For Homeschoolers” regarding  ages 7-14 “The child learns primarily through the authority of the love expressed by those around him.”  “During this time, the child is most active in his imagination and needs a healthy awakening of his feeling life to learn best.  This is most appropriately achieved by an imaginative and lively artistic approach to all academic subjects.”    During ages 14-21, “The youth learns primarily through the truth of the expertise around her.”  “During this time, the youth’s intellectual powers must be allowed to stretch and grow. Care must be taken to avoid dogmatism and apathy.  The youth’s natural state of idealism must be cultivated.”

So, what does all this have to do with Unschooling and Waldorf?

In the grades, we see a progression of sorts from one seven year cycle to the next.  We see that the curriculum is designed to meet the age of the child through an artistic, feeling, imaginative, creative way, through movement.  We see that whilst many of the subjects seem set, it is up to us how we bring them alive to our specific child.  Steiner himself said a lesson should never be stale or sour!  He also said there is really no education other than self-education and how as teachers we set up the environment and provide the most favorable conditions for learning.

So, if we understand WHY certain subjects are brought at certain grades, then we can look at how we want to meet that at home and how we want to develop a relationship with all of that within our own homeschool.  For example, in First Grade, some people are very uncomfortable with Grimm’s fairy tales.  We should never try to teach that which does not resonate within us, so we can change that for the archetypal imagery of other tales as long as we carefully explore why areas of the curriculum don’t fit in with us because the Waldorf curriculum really is the human journey.  We also  have to be careful in some regards, because many  of the experiences of the younger grades builds up to lessons in the older grades (ie, wet on wet watercolor painting is really a bridge to the study of color in physics later on), but within reason and with understanding and mindfulness, we can work with the subjects normally studied.  

As homeschoolers, we can also wait on things, to a certain extent, if our child is not ready. My oldest detested knitting in the First Grade, it always ended in tears and crying and frustration,  so we let it ride until Second Grade.  She is now an avid knitter and she loves handwork. 

There are some areas in particular, math especially, where it seems okay to move forward faster than the curriculum.  The science and the language arts seem to more be based upon age/grade because of the content than the math, but obviously also things like the amount of writing can be increased if a child is writing well.  However, it is very important that other areas are balanced – handwork, music, movement…  The one thing that really can’t be moved, though, is “moving ahead” on the content – Norse myths belong in Grade Four for a reason, for example.

People ask all the time what to do if their child has interests in things that don’t come up in the Waldorf curriculum until much later….I addressed that to a certain extent here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/09/can-waldorf-work-with-other-homeschooling-methods/  and would like to reiterate a few things.  First of all, see how strong an interest this is:  many children are wholly passionate about something and then that interest fizzles out within a week.  Take a bit of a ho-hum attitude about it and see if it still burns so incredibly brightly.  If it does, can you meet it in steps and stages rather than going whole-hog wild?  This is prudent for all parents, not just Waldorf homeschooling parents.  You don’t want to run out and buy a Baby Grand when your child has never taken a piano lesson but has an “interest”.  But you can encourage the exploration!

Do you worry your child is gifted in some way and the curriculum will not meet your child’s needs?  Whether your child is  reading at a six-year-old level or a twelve-year-old level, you can be creative in meeting the child with Old Testament Stories in the Third Grade.  The academic piece can be adjusted up or down.  And in my experience, those who are “forging ahead” often need “balancing out”, which the Waldorf curriculum supplies beautifully. 

Some people, I think, have not seen Waldorf Education in the Grades in action and have this thought that it is two hours of a Main Lesson sitting at a desk.  I would like to refute that!  Here is an example:  one may start the morning with verses and singing whilst standing up and moving, limericks and tongue twisters and some mental math with tossing of beanbags or throwing a ball.  One may then move into some sort of movement, whether that be a true circle time, an obstacle course, work with copper rods, drawing with a crayon between one’s toes, etc.   Then perhaps time for a break!

Then we may gather for more of the Main Lesson, where we take more time for movement,  look at some vocabulary or math concepts, hear a wonderful story.  Perhaps then we  draw, paint, build or create or cook or delve deeper into what we are studying in another way….. Then another break and movement and playing and perhaps after lunch and quiet time,  we regroup to bake, do handwork, play the recorder.  I used to think that Head, Hearts and Hands meant very specific things (such as the “Heart” part could ONLY be foreign language, painting, eurythmy, etc), but I am realizing the further along I go that different teachers do different things and some of it can depend on what block you are in and can only be limited by your own creativity. 

Some people worry that with any sort of method of homeschooling, their time for siblings to play will be underminded, that it will take too big a chunk out of the day. I can assure you that in the Early Grades, the Main Lesson can be short,  and you can intersperse breaks to play or snack.  The number one joy of any method of homeschooling is being with your family!  You also don’t need to homeschool five days a week either – in most states it is the total number of days per year that must be met.   In the Early Grades, I have heard many Waldorf homeschooling mothers take things nice and slow until the nine-year change.  Only you can decide your relationship to this healing education.  (And homeschooling this way will be healing for you as well!)

There will be days that you feel you must buckle down and get to work.  This is part of homeschooling, no matter what method.  Just like when you worked outside of the home, some days inside the home with homeschooling may go awry.  There may be days when you decide to go hiking instead of doing school, and you adjust your plans accordingly.  There may be a day when your child doesn’t want to do math because it is “too hard” and you work through the tears together and bring it all  home and the tears stop and your child gets it!  How exciting! 

What you bring to your Waldorf homeschool must above all be an expression of yourself and the things that resonate with you within the curriculum.  If you are a gardener, perhaps you will be basing much of your math, science, even history of different societies by looking at how people work with the land, calculations for gardening, the science of botany and agriculture.  If you have other skills, this will come out as well.  This tends to worry parents, who want to make sure their child isn’t “missing” anything, but  really, even a Waldorf school teacher has his or her own strengths and weaknesses and picks and chooses how to bring things into the classroom.

Most of all though, the student-teacher relationship is one based upon respect for each other, and through the child loving “natural authority” of the teacher and other revered, kind adults.  “Gratitude- Love-Duty” is how the first three seven year cycles can be summed up.  Roberto Trotsli, in his book, “Rhythms of Learning” talks at length about this in Chapter Two of that book (Chapter Two is entitled “Teacher and Child”).  Love for the world and everything in it becomes the basis for duty in the ages of 14-21.   During the early grades, we connect children to their world through love.  This is what we make our academic lessons up with this piece in mind.    We also work with the children of this age through their temperaments.

The final piece of all of this, also brought up by Trotsli  in this chapter, is that, “Each of us is engaged in the process of becoming.  Our students are often our teachers in this process, for they force us to face our shortcomings and limitations and inspire us to continue to strive to transform ourselves.  By working on ourselves, we work on behalf of our students.  By coming to know ourselves, we come to know our students.”

Many blessings on today,

Carrie