Daily Archives: September 8, 2009

Embracing and Uplifting

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If I had to perform two gestures that signified Waldorf parenting and Waldorf education, it would be the gesture of embracing and protecting the child but also one of uplifting the child.

To me, there are two things that a child needs.  One thing is unconditional love and warmth and delight in who they are.  This actually can be a very easy thing to say, an easy thing to give lip service to and a much harder thing to face and confront in practice!   For example, many times if a child is very much like us in temperament, we see the worst of ourselves in that child and we so don’t want the child to grow up and be like us!  We try so hard to mold them into something else, anything else,  but not our worst traits!  Don’t be like us!  Or, conversely, sometimes we have children that are so different in temperament than us that we just are not sure how to handle it or where to go with that.  If only they could be a little more quiet, a little less active or only if they would move around more and enjoy being outside more!

How much better if we could forgive ourselves for our perceived inadequacies; how much better if we could show our children how to live with the fact that humans are not perfect; how much better for the child to feel loved and delighted in because they are just the unique them and they are here, in a sense,  to teach US!

And so here comes the second thing that children need: if these children are indeed on a journey to a particular end as set forth by God or by destiny or whatever you believe, and if we are all here to help each other within this family and teach each other, what a child may need from us is guidance.  They may need our help as they adjust to this foreign life on earth, into these growing bodies, into social and cultural customs so they can function in our world and our society.

And sometimes this involves uplifting our child to the next level even if they are not completely happy about it.  That is the hard and fine line of parenting – respecting that the child is here for us to learn from, but also recognizing that we are here to help them, to help them move to the next level when they are ready (or at least to show them gently that the next level exists!) and how to be respectful in doing that.

Part of Waldorf parenting is respect for the idea that a three-year-old is different than a seven-year-old who is different than a ten-year-old.  That is something that really has helped me along my journey, where so many parenting books seem to think all ages can be dealt with in the same way.

Contrary to popular opinion and Stupid Waldorf Myth, in Waldorf parenting and education, the protective bubble of Kindergarten does not last forever.  The approach to Science through the stories of the natural world in the Early Grades does not last forever.  The world does eventually open up to reading newspapers, seeing television programs, being spoken to directly as opposed to modeling and showing the child something to imitate.  All of these things eventually happen!

But, the point is, that there is a time and a place in parenting and in education for what happens when.  There is nothing within the Waldorf curriculum that is willy-nilly, all of it builds upon each thing taught within each year.  The math of the math of the Second Grade builds upon the math of the First Grade; there is not the hodge-podge of things one finds in most curriculums these days.

I think the difference in Waldorf is that it is not ‘program-based” with a promise of The Latest and Greatest Educational Advancement that wear off over time to be replaced by some other Latest and Greatest Educational Advancement.  It is an educational approach and philosophy rooted firmly in childhood development, holistic education and what will help that child attain optimal health and development not only now but as a future adult.

I find Waldorf parenting to be much the same way.  The things we do for our small children – helping accustom them to rhythm, protecting the senses, understanding where they are in their bodies – lays the foundation for the years of ages 7-14 and 14-21.

Embracing and uplifting; the foundation of good parenting and good education.

Many blessings,

Carrie

The Eight-Year-Old: A Traditional View

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Here are some general developmental characteristics of the eight-year-old as according to our friends at the Gesell Institute in the book, “Your Eight-Year-Old:  Lively and Outgoing” by Louise Bates Amers and Carol Chase Haber.

  • Expansive, outgoing, high energy, speedy!
  • Hard on themselves for mistakes (May say, “I never get anything right!”  “I always do things wrong!”) – At age 7, the child measures himself against his own demands, but at 8, he measures himself against what he perceives the adult demands are.
  • Love to talk!  May also boast quite a bit (remember back to age 4, there are similarities!)
  • Much less fatigue than at age 7, a big difference in physical stamina from age 7 but may still fatigue a bit with activities
  • “The relationship of child to Mother at Eight is perhaps more complex, intriguing, and  intense than at any other age.”  The child cannot get enough of Mother, her attention especially.  The  child may be highly possessive of her in a physical way, and also demand constant conversation and interaction.  This may be partly in preparation  for the nine-year-old change where the child begins to separate from Mother.  (Yes, we in Waldorf Land have recognized this for a LONG time, but it is nice to see a mainstream resource here and that that also sees it!)
  • The relationship with father is much less intense, much smoother than with Mother.  The child enjoys the company of the father but does not demand his attention the way Mother’s attention is demanded.
  • The child is HIGHLY aware of the relationship between the two parents in the household and is watching! 
  • Family is very important, and the eight-year-old is curious about all phone calls, conversations, etc.
  • Fairness is also big.  The eight-year-old may dramatize sibling fights, love to argue and pick up on mistakes.
  • “The Seven-Year-Old is concerned with himself and how others treat him; whereas the Eight-Year-Old is interested in his relationship with others.”
  • The Eight-Year-Old wants things with friends to go well and may even have a best friend (even though there may be arguing and disputing with said best friend, LOL).
  • THINKING:  Concrete operational stage, which is the BEGINNING of abstraction. Is starting to realize that  natural phenomena and inanimate objects do not have souls (this is not a Waldorf perspective remember, this is a mainstream perspective) and that the eight-year-old can distinguish between fantasy and reality.  Is STARTING to understand cause and effect, similarities and differences.
  • EATING/TABLE MANNERS:  Eats a good quantity, but eats rapidly.  Aware of good table manners, but may find it hard to put it into practice.  Also at family meal times, an eight-year-old tends to interrupt and argue and talk a lot.
  • SLEEPING:  Sleeps usually between 8 PM and wakes up between 7 and 7:30. (In Waldorf, an eight-year-old is typically in second grade with a bedtime of 7:45).  Ten hours of sleep is average.
  • HEALTH:  May see increase in hay fever, allergies, asthma at this age, and also ear infections and complaints involving the eye (watch out for eye fatigue and strain!)
  • VISION is a big deal at this age, the child may not be able to figure out visually where they are in space, they are more distracted by things in the peripheral visual field,  which can lead to the next section:
  • ACCIDENT PRONE – accidents are the MAIN cause of death at this age.
  • TENSIONAL OUTLETS – less tensional outlets than at six and seven noted.
  • SEXUAL  INTEREST: May be interest in sex play, sex jokes, babies, where babies come from and how they get out, what the father’s role is in sex.  Girls tend to ask more questions than boys.  Girls may be ready to be told about menstruation according to page 46 of this book.
  • PLAY:  In general, does not like to play alone.  Cooking, dramatizing, fixing things around the house, creating magic shows and other shows are enjoyed.  Dolls can still be prized by girls.  Boys may like models, electric trains, etc.  Paper dolls are also good for classifying, arranging, etc. Collections and collecting are strong at this age for both boys and girls.

That is a traditional viewpoint; we will look at an anthroposophic view next post!

Peace,

Carrie