Monthly Archives: July 2009

Parenting With Courage

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You can be the parent you want to be.  Choose happiness and peace; choose to be calm in the face of a small child who is upset.  Choose to be loving and gentle.  You will never go wrong by showing your child compassion and love while also having a heart for knowing what will lift your child up and help your child within the developmental stage in which they are living.

I have some general thoughts about parenting with this kind of courage.  And this kind of parenting does take courage!  Many parents today are rushing about, attempting to placate their lack of a family life with their children through a myriad of outside the home activities and a myriad of material goods.

As always, start with yourself.  Do you have integrity?  Are you honest?  Do you have time for your family and friends outside of your immediate family who need your listening ear or your help?  Do you show your child that you help people?  Are you patient? 

Do you have a plan for parenting?  What will your child be allowed to do at what ages?  When will your child get to go to a sleepover, to see a movie, to get their ears pierced, to go on a date?   What tasks do you expect your child to do as part of the care of the household?   What things in your family are rites of passage?  Do you have a plan that encompasses an understanding of where a three or four year old is developmentally as opposed to a ten or eleven year old? 

Do you have warm and loving feelings toward your family, toward having children and raising children or do you feel trapped and isolated?  If so, how could you change that?  How could you radiate a positive attitude about mothering and about life?  Your children are watching  you and imitating your attitude!

Look at your home – is it peaceful?  Summer is here, and there are  still many weeks now before school starts (Waldorf homeschoolers at least take the summer off!)  You could really go through and organize and deep clean one room a week until school starts……Have the decluttered environment in your home you have always dreamed of!  You could also go through and put one small thing of beauty in each room – perhaps a small crystal, a flower in a small bud vase or something special to your heart.  You don’t need a lot of financial means to clear things out and put a few flowers around!  Remember, Waldorf is not about the wooden toys per say, but about understanding the essence of the developmental stages. 

Look at your children – are they happy, healthy and thriving?  What do they need to be in that place besides you centering yourself?  One area that I think helps besides just a lot of love and listening and compassion  is to give children work to do. 

If your child is three to six years of age, you may have to be right with them and holding the space, but I bet they can dress themselves with you watching, brush their teeth and floss their teeth with your help, brush their hair with your help, make their own bed with you on one side and them on the other, put plates and cups and bowls by the sink, help fold laundry and put it away, bring clothes to the laundry room for washing, dust, scrub the toilet, sweep, water plants at first with supervision and then by themselves and lots of other things!  One would never expect a three-year-old to just run off and do these things, but start building it into your rhythm.  We get up, we go the bathroom, we eat breakfast and get dressed or however you do it in your home – if it is part of the rhythm and you are there to do it first, to guide, to be there for them to imitate, it will become habit.

For seven to twelve year olds, your child could clean their rooms with help at first, doing it with you holding the space and then doing it on their own, they could wash dishes, load and unload a dishwasher, cook simple meals, and a myriad of other things. 

My almost eight year old asked my husband the other day if she would ever get a cell phone like Daddy and Mommy have.  My husband looked at her and said, “Yes, honey, when you can work and pay for the phone.”  Now, we don’t have as much need for a child to have a cell phone as we are not separated from our children due to school or at  other activities where we are not present in some form, but I still thought that was a great answer!  Teens can definitely work and pay for things – cell phones, car insurance, gasoline they use in the car and other things.  The teenaged years are practice for life, for managing money, for decision making, for understanding and yes,even experiencing the consequences of decisions.  It sounds difficult for a mother’s soul to hear when she has little ones, but it is the natural course of life. 

Summer is a great time to map out a plan to deal with whatever challenges your family is facing right now.  Be that positive light to uplift and embrace your child!

Until next time,

Carrie

The Wonder Years: Waldorf Homeschooling Grades One Through Three

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There seems to be a perception amongst mainstream parents that children within the first, second and third grades should be “buckling down and getting to work”, which essentially means loads of worksheets and sitting with pen and paper in hand.

I have a different view, one that coincides with the way the grades are laid out in Waldorf Education, and one I would like you to seriously consider.

You will never get the ages of 7,8 and 9 back.  Seven, eight, and nine-year olds are still small, believe it or not.  The way they learn best most likely is not pen and paper and workbooks.  This only involves the head, and  nothing about the rest of the body.  Most of us learn best when we involve as many senses as possible, so why would we not offer the option of learning through movement, art, music and yes, paper and writing as well to the smallest members of our schooling community?

Seven, eight and nine are still ages of wonder!  These are not the ages for stuffing facts into their heads.  This is the age for igniting interest, for providing those valuable hands-on experiences that stimulate wonder.

Some of the physiologic parameters are not even there yet for true “sit down learning.”  A seven-year –old can still be fairly distractible, an eight-year-old finally has the development of the eyes completed, the nine-year-old is starting to be on the threshold from feeling as if he is one with the Universe and everything in it.  To treat these seven, eight and nine year olds any differently is not in accordance with their developmental level.  It is rushing, it is putting the horse before the cart, and it will set you up for problems as you actually reach the stages for greater “head-oriented” learning.

Here are some simple suggestions:

1.  Find and plan the ACTIVE part of each and every lesson!  A Main Lesson does not mean just sitting and writing!

2.  Have respect for the attention span and fatigue factor of the seven, eight and nine-year old!

3.  Realize that not every block calls for a Main Lesson Book creation.  Third Grade is full of hands-on projects, building and farming and gardening.  These bodily experiences are just as important, if not more important, than sitting and writing.

4.  Ignite the WONDER!  You are not there to stuff facts, you are there to distill the essence of the subject down into your Main Lesson, you are there to give SPACE to the child to let them form their own conclusion. 

5.  Leave your adult baggage BEHIND!  They don’t need it (and truth be told, do you really need it as well?)  Saints are wonderful other-worldly beings that the eight-year-old can still relate to as they do battle with the more heavy side of being human, the Old Testament Stories are stories of a people and how they dealt (or didn’t) with such concepts as authority and law and place in society. 

6.  Utilize REST and SLEEP as the true learning aids that they are to education.  Waldorf Education utilizes a three-day rhythm (some Waldorf homeschool curriculums utilize a two-day rhythm simply because Waldorf at home is not Waldorf at school).  This is vital!

7.  Understand the big picture for the 7 and 8 –year old, and also for the nine-year change.  I guarantee it is not textbooks and worksheets and workbooks that will speak to their heart, their soul development and their developmental stage.  I recently had the pleasure of speaking to a young lady who just finished public school first grade and she told me excitedly that her teacher had made snow in their classroom!  (Yes, making snow is a BIG deal in the Southeastern United States because we don’t really get any that lasts for any length of time).   That was the thing she mainly remembered from first grade, that is the one thing she really carried with her from the whole school year!

Work for creating wonder, for respect for the fact that 7 and 8 and even 9 year olds are still small.  Plan ahead with your 7 and 8 year olds for what they will need for the nine-year change.

Happy pondering,

Carrie

“The Brain Trust”

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Not too long ago, my husband took me aside and talked to me about my life.  He essentially said there were several friendships and organizations he noted I was nurturing, but he could tell the effort I was putting forth was not being met equally from the other side.  (Has anyone out there ever had that experience?)  He explained to me that he would love to see my cultivate some friendships that were especially supportive to me and nourishing to me.  He asked me, “Who in your circle of friends truly nourishes you when you spend time with them? Have you seen any of them lately?”

Well, I sat down and made a list and then I picked three ladies off my list whom I don’t get to see as much as I used to, and I picked up the phone and called them.  We all agreed to meet for dinner at a local restaurant without our children for  true night out to nurture ourselves as women and as friends.

What a delightful and illuminating evening!  What wonderful, frank conversation we had as we discussed our lives and held council together.  Three wonderful souls surrounded me that night, and I hold them as my “brain trust” – the women with whom I can speak with and garner support from.

How much time are you spending on friendships or organizations or on things that are just not nurturing your soul?  Or, conversely, do you have any close friends whom you can really talk to?  I think every woman really needs that. 

My husband is my best friend, but he often reminds me men can be true problem solvers and not always as patient regarding the “venting” of life that another woman can provide.  Other women can give us strength and wisdom as we travel this path.

I urge you to connect with your close friends and value your relationship,

Carrie

Celebrating Summer With Small Children: A Waldorf Perspective

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PART ONE:  A PERSPECTIVE FOR PARENTS

The summer months are a time of natural, radiant light and outward expansiveness.  We are fully drawn out of ourselves and into nature and into basking under King Sun!  Yet, at the same time, Midsummer’s Day (also known as St. John’s Day or St. John’s Tide Day) marks the day where the light and darkness are equal and the hours of light actually become shorter each day as the world heads toward fall.  In this respect, we are called to make an inward inspection of ourselves and perhaps prepare ourselves anew with newly-found strength for the longer, darker days ahead.

Since in Waldorf parenting we start with the adults in the family as models for the children to imitate, I suggest as a meditative focus this summer for mothers to contemplate the phrase “mindful parenting”. 

What does mindful parenting mean to you personally?  To me, it means that I am in control of myself and my actions in front of my children, that I consider their feelings along with their needs, that I show my children empathy for their feelings, that I bring joy and laughter and warmth to my parenting.  To be a mindful parent, I must consider the “bigger picture” of parenting – where my children are developmentally, where they have been, where they are going, what their temperaments are and who they are as beautiful individuals and how we all work together in one family.  I must also consider my own “cup” – is it full, how do I get it full within the context of parenting?  I can be a beacon of light and love for my children when I am centered and calm and peaceful.

Even if you are in a parenting stage that perhaps you are not particularly enjoying, perhaps here is a Waldorf parenting view you can take and use:  the notion that there really are no difficult children, although  there can be difficult behaviors that children show us.  When we break things down into a behavior and NOT the child, it opens a gateway so we can look at that behavior. Why is this behavior triggering me as a parent so?  What do I need in this moment to be more fulfilled and peaceful that is separate from what my child is doing? Is this an issue of safety?  Or is it an issue that just bothers me but I could gently direct it?  Most of all, can I be warm and loving and caring even if I have to set a limit?  

Waldorf parenting in the Early Years focuses on creating love and warmth in the home; a feeling of joy and laughter and humor; a sense of gratitude and wonder for the children; imitation and less words; the physical environment being orderly; meaningful adult work; creative play; protection for the senses of the child.  How are these things shaping up in your household this summer?

These are the kinds of inward questions that shape my days of parenting, and the kinds of inward contemplation I do in my own parenting as we draw closer to St. John’s Day (Midsummer’s Day).

PART TWO:  CELEBRATING SUMMER WITH YOUR CHILDREN

On the lighter side of celebrating the summer, here are a few suggestions that may assist you in having a peaceful, happy and safe season:

· I recommend that parents look at holding some kind of rhythm over the summer that includes time during the day for inward activities as a balance to all the out-breath of activities.  These activities could include such things as keeping a time to tell a story each day; puppetry of beautiful tales; modeling with sand; creating little books out of watercolor- painted background paper with moving figures on craft sticks.  Having daily rest times after lunch out of the reach of the sun is also a necessity for each day, as is an early bedtime to recharge for the next day!

· The outward expansiveness of this time draws the children into nature and providing time for water play through use of walnut shell boats in a tub, play at the beach in the sand and the surf or at the lake is so important.  During these times, we must as parents be vigilant to protect our children’s safety around the water and also the children’s senses – warmth is still important in even in the summer as many children cannot feel how cold they are getting in the water and insist they are fine even if their lips are blue and their teeth are chattering!  Small children should still be wearing a sun bonnet as opposed to going bald-headed to also foster that sense of warmth and protection from the rays of King Sun.

· Another area to consider besides water play is the natural playscape of the garden and the berry patch. Picking berries, canning or freezing them and having the children help you in the kitchen to create delicious cobblers and pies are memorable experiences that can occur every year and build a rhythmic quality into your summer activities as a family.

· Gardening and including children within the garden spaces by planting sunflower houses, making houses with cloths over bushes or small trees and providing general spots for the children to be hidden away from the world and meld into the flowers are wonderful opportunities to connect with nature. Do you have these spaces available for your children’s play?

· Planting specific types of flowers to attract butterflies, bees and birds is a wonderful way to foster a close connection to the animal and plant world.  Small children under the age of 7 do not need to know all the names of the plants or birds, but they will remember what animals they see and the insect friends they find in the garden!    Hard, real work in the garden with your two hands and having equipment available for your children to assist you fulfills a quality in the young child of seeing real work being performed and later these gestures may come out in the child’s play.  Digging for worms and grubs while you garden is part of the fun for the small child, as is running in a sprinkler afterwards!

· As mentioned briefly above, this may also be a wonderful time to enliven your play areas both outside and inside. What areas do you have available in your yard for digging, creating sunflower houses or blanket forts? What areas do you have inside for creating art or other types of projects? If you sit down and create things yourself, you will suddenly have an audience that wants to create along with you!

· Creating a beautiful Nature Table where you can celebrate the “finds” of the summer is another traditional passage to mark the changing of the Seasons.  The Nature Table at this time may focus on the colors of King Sun himself, those colors of yellow, red, and orange fire! Shells, flowers you find blooming outside, a bowl of fruit could all be added to your Nature Table. Representations of a few summer creatures such as bees, snails or other animals in your area could also be added. You can make certain the mineral,plant, animal and human realms are represented in your Nature Table and add to it bit by bit over the summer months.

However, most of all, the summer can be a time to spend a quantity of time with your precious small children, to love and nurture them!

Have a wonderful summer,

Carrie